Freeiam! Tribune Established 1888. PUBLISHED EVERY MONDAY AND THURSDAY, BY IKB niIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY, IMlSfl OIVICE: MAIN STREET AMOVE CKSTBE. FREELAND, PA. SlTßsCltlf'i'lON KATES: On© Year $1.50 Bix Month* 73 Four Mon.hs Two Months .25 Tho late which the subscription is paid to Is on tno address label of each paper, the ohAnge of which to a subsequent date bo bomes a receipt for remittance. Keep th€ figures in aiivunce of the present date. Re port promptly to this office whenever paper & not received. Arrearages must be puid when subscription is discontinued. Ma!>eall muwy orders, checks, etc.,payabl. to the Tribune Frintinj Company, Limited. It is predicted that our wholo re maining area of white-pine forests will be practically denuded within five years. A man with three lungs has beon discovered in Canada. Happy man! He can live to a healthy old ago and keep an extra lung to have the pueu mouia with. The cost of the railways in the United States up to 1897 was $11,• 775,000,000. That of tho world was $35,520,000,000. This country stood it the head of the list, theu came Great Britain, then France. A consular report from Germany gives the statistics of shipbuilding for 1899, showing that England ranked first with 881,000 tons more thau all tho other countries put together, with Germauy second and the Uuited States third. _____ A ceutury and a half ago "fun," n word of Irish origiu, was considered "shockingly low." "Mob," too, was a word "no solf-respucting gentleman would use" till Pope boldly wrote, "the mob of gentlemen who write with case." Of "humbug," a writer in 1750 said: "I will venture to affirm that this 'Humbug' is neither an Eng lish word nor a derivative from any . other lauguage. It is, indeed, a black guard sound. It is a fine makeweight in conversation, aud some great men deceive themselves so egregiously as to thiuk they mean something by it." In many sections of Indiana the farmers aro planning to name the country roads, as streets are named in a city. The purpose is to ereel guide-posts at every cross-roads which would direct a strauger in finding his way to a farm-house with which he is unfamiliar. Instead of numbering the houses aloug tho country highways, it is suggested that each farmer attach his name near the front gate. This idea is carried out to sorno extent id tho oil regions of the State, where uearly every farm has a largo red barn, ou which is conspicuously painted tho name of the man who owns it. The plan is worthy of wide imitation. Opeu-air treatment for consumption in its earlier stages appears to bo the best so far hit upon. The continuous flooding of tho lungs with purer and cooler air is tho desideratum. The natural life out of doors provides this. Sleeping iudoors, tho windows should be opcu wide. Mauy doctors pro nounce the sanatorium system a fail ure, aud despair of any stamping-out process except by educating the young to live a hygienic life. It is certain that consumption is not hereditary, Hiough the tendency to harbor the gorma maybe. That tendency maybe lesseued or even destroyed by a thor ough observance of the rules of a healthy life. Ordinary observation verifies one fact, that the trolley, the telephone and tho bicycle are greatly increasiug the suburban population of the smaller cities. They have nourished the re turning love of country life by render ing it possible for people of moderate means, who, from either calling 01 disposition, desire to live within roach of a city or tov/u, to have such a resi dence. This of itself is an encourag ing sign, for the choice of a suburban home is as often one of preference as 1 of economy. Whatever draws people out iuto tho open, arresting the set toward tho stifling closeness of block and tenement, is obviously healthful, tbiuks tho New York Po9t. Favorablfi Conditions in India. In spite of the plague, famine and oth er troubles, the financial condition ol India, as shown by the latest official figures, is far more favorable than was expected. There is an actual surplus of £2.553,000. against the estimate o| £2.622.000 made a year ago. There was a loss of land revenue due to famine of £1.187.000, but against that has to be put improvements in railway receipts of £824.000: in postoffice, telegraph and mint receipts of £423.000 and in opium revenue of £401,000. CHAPARRAL. BY EDWARD B. CLARK. i D | your mind a grass leas stretch of /jt' /\\ country with groat cracks showing in the sun-baked earth, ss74 with here and *JK/ there a stunted, Sjfcy* ■- a * leafless tree, aud *39 upon a hillock a little way off (V a gaunt, gray wolf silhouetted against the sky, and you will have some idea of the nature of one part of the country through which for two years the United States regulars inarched and scouted in the attempt to kill or capture a baud of notorious bandits. If you should ride some hours over this desolate waste you would couie at length to a dense woodland of chap arral, au almost impenetrable thorny thicket which stretches for many leagues aloug the Rio Grande River and extends miles inland from either bank. Since the time seven years ago when Uncle Sam's cavalrymen dually succeeded in rounding up and punishing the outlaws the face of that southeastern Texas country has ohaugcd. Rain, which nature had denied to the spot for nearly two years, lias again visited the region. Verdure has again appeared and the dried earth has drunk to its 1111 with rejoicing. There was a man with Mexican parentage, but, a citizen of the United States, Cateriuo E. Garza by name, who it was thought iutended to en gage in an attempt looking to the driving of President Diaz of Mexico from his oflice and to the establishing of himself in the presidential chair, Garza did not have enough followers in his first raid to cause much anxiety to the Mexican authorities. After a tight on Mexican territory the leader, with about two hundred men, re treated into Texas and there for two years hid in the dense thickets along tho river, making occasional forays and doing a great amount of smug gling. Uncle Saui put a number of regiments in the field to bunt down tho outlaws, but owiug to the nature of the country aud their familiarity with the trails tho hunt was a long one. It was during this campaign against the outlaws that Trooper Thomas of D Troop of tho Third Cav alrvhad the experience of which this story tells. Captain George F. Chase, now lighting insurgents ill the Philippines, was in command of D Troop in the field against tho baudits. The little body of troopers was encamped at a ranch about thirteen miles from tho edge of the chaparral, through the heart of which at a distance of thirty live miles lay the Rio Grande River. One morning before the last star bad disappeared from the southern sky a scout rode hurriedly to camp. Ho threw himself from his horse at the challenge from tho sentinel and said he must see tho commanding officer at once. Theriuging toned "Who comes there?" of tho sentry as he checked tho progress of* the rider at the point of his carbino roused Captaiu Chase, and in a minute he was confronting tho scout, who reported that there was a gathering of Garza's men just within tho chaparral near the ranch called St. Gertrude, something more than twelve miles away. Within ten miuutos the communing officer and two-thirds of his troop were gal loping in the direction indicated by tho scout. At St. Gertrude's ranch, whose southern boundary was the edge of tho chaparral, the captain dismounted his men and threw them into a skirmish line with au interval of about two yards between each skir misher. In this order the lino went forward into the chaparral. Just as the men entered tho outlying edge of the thorny thicket a volley was poured into them, but no one was hurt. They Advanced several hundred yards into the dense tangle of mosquito, prickly pear and other thorn-growing south ern vegetation, and tiually found the ' place where tho enemy had camped. The bandits, however, bad disap peared, and pursuit through that laby rinth was a physical impossibility. On the extreme light of the skir mish line was Trooper Thomas. So thick was the undergrowth that he could not see, save at times, the skir misher on his left, only two yards dis tant. Thomas lost his direction a little and managed to get farther away from his nearest comrade than the order for the skirmish lino formation demanded. Suddenly there came the clear, ringing trumpet order: "As semble 011 tbo centre skirmisher." This meant that the men at tho right 1 and left of tho center should turn and march directly toward the centre, thus eventually bringing the command shoulder to shoulder in close order. Trooper Thomas turned and headed, as he supposed, for the sound of the trumpet. He heard his nearest com rade thrashing through tho thicket and supposed that he was following close in his wake. Ho soon found that ho was getting farther and farther away from tho noise of tho cracking underbrush. Then ho turned in a uew direction aud floundered on. For five minutes he kept up tho pace as well as he could and was astounded to find that he had not yot como up with his comrades. Ho raised his voice atfd shouted. There was no answer ing cry. He cocked his carbine, put it to bis sliouldcr and pressed tbo trigger aud theu eagerly listened. In loss than a minute two answering shots were heard from what seemed to be a point afai off. Tho density of the chaparral growth was in itself an obstacle to the transmission of sound. Trooper Thomas turned as be sup posed iu the direction from which the shot signals came aud once more fought his way through tho thicket. He struggled ou for a few minutes and theu slipped another cartridge iuto his Springfield and fired. He listened intently for live minutes, but no answering discbarge gladdened bis ear. He fired three more shots iu rapid succession. Still no answer. The cavalryman was lo9t iu an almost impenetrable jnugle, through which every stop of progress was a toiling pain aud where there was no means whatsoever to give him a key to direc tion. He stood still for a few minutes to thiuk what was best to do. He had 110 compass, and while lie knew that the northern edge of the chaparral was within a comparatively short dis tance he had not the remotest idea whether that edge lay before him, be hind him or at his right or left. For two days thick, heavy clouds had ob scured the sky. They were full of the promise of rain, which would not come. Time after time tho few people living in the region had looked upon just such lowering clouds with some gleam of hope that they might let fall a burden of blessed showers. There was promise, but no fulfilmeut. The heavy, murky bank, however, served, with the aid of the matted canopy of the chaparral, to prevent the lost cavalryman from getting auy idea, however faint, of the position of the sun. North, south, east aud west were alike to him. Trooper Thomas dually determined to trust to luck, and taking the course which he thought was right ho worked his way through the thorny growth. For two hours he toiled on, and then iu ! qjair he realized to u certainty thn ho was hopelessly astray. When the lino had been deployed Thomas had left his canteen behind, and he now begau to sutler severely from thirst. Hours passed, and still neither open ing in the chaparral nor the glint of water gladdened his eye. The trooper slipped a cartridge from his belt, aud taking his knife cut the head bullet from the brr3s cup. He put the mis sile in his mouth and it momentarily relieved his raging thirst. It was beginniug to grow dusk, and the soldier realized that lie must spend the night in the chaparral. He cut some of tho thick leaves of the prickly pear, and scraping off the thorns from the green surface chewed tho pulp for the slight relief that tho juice afford ed. Then he cleared a place, and ly ing down tried to sleep. Physically worn out though he was, his thirst and the horror of his situation kept him awake. Toward morning he had a little feverish sleep that brought no rest. As the first streak of daylight stole into the chaparral the trooper was oil his feet and ou his way once more. The puckering juice of the prickly pear leaves seemed simply to have ag gravated his thirst, and his suffering was beginning to bo more intense than can he expressed in words. Painfully making his way along, Thomas came to an open place in the chaparral. At the farther side of it he hoard a crack ling, and in a moment a peccary—one of the little wild hogs of tho Texas jutigle—broke into tho clearing. Thomas steadied himself with nil ef fort. He raised his carbine, aimed and fired. The shot was a oleau one, aud tho little wild pig fell dead in its tracks. To ease the pangs of his thirst Thomas drank of the animal's blood, and it gave him strength and courngo to keep on. The effect of the drink, however, was not lasting, and in an hour's time he found himsolf autiering as keenly as before. Ho strode along, however, with occasional rests, all through the morning and the long afternoon. At night ho was half delirious with suffering, but the utter exhaustion of his body forced j him into slumber. He slept iu a troubled way for some hours, aud then, waking, found his suffering so intense that remaining still was im v.ible, and through the darkness of thfit Southern chaparral bo stumbled on. Finally bo fell from sheer ex haustion and lay for some time in a half-dazed condition. Then the morning came. Little by little some expression of returning sense came into the trooper's face, ile looked straight ahead, and there, not ten yards in front of him, he saw that there was a break in tho thicket. New life came to him in an instant, and he fuirly dashed through the un derbrush. Iu a moment he stood at the chaparral's edge. Before him lay a great clearing, with a house in its center. With a cry of joy the soldier made his way to the buiidiug. It was desortod. There was not a sign of life anywhere, and all around, com pletely inclosing the clearing, ho saw the chaparral walls. A great wooden cistern, such as one finds in southern countries, rose beside the house. In the times when there had been rain water had poured from the roof into the cistern. There was a faucet six inches from the bottom of the great tauk. Thomas almost staggerod as he wont to it aud turned the han dle. Not a drop of water trickled out. He was at the verge of despair, but with that hope which is always present even at fortune's lowest ebb ! he thought that it was possible that a 1 little water might still remain iu the I cistern below the point tapped by the faucet. He climbed upon a shed and 1 from thence to the roof of the dwell- I ing. The top of tile cistern was cov ered, save for the small hole into j which the pipe from the eaves trough I ran. The trooper tore olf two of the [ rotting boards and looked into the ! cistern depths. Far down, below the entering place of the spigot he saw i something glisten. It was water. He cut strips from his suspenders and ! from his clothing, aud letting down \ an old tin pot that he had found in the house he managed to draw up a mouthful of water. It was stagnant j and ill smelling, but no draught that j man ever took seemed sweeter to him ' than did that drink of green-coated j cistern water to Trooper Thomas. He I let the can down again and again, and i drank until new life and strength j came to him. He know that there ; must be a disused trail leading some- j where through the ohaparral from the i oleariug. Ho made a circuit of the j jungle's edge and finally found the trail. He knew] not where it would! lead, but lie knew also that Iris only j hope lay in following it. He had not j gone more than a hundred yards be fore he mettwo Mexicans, who proved not to belong to the bandit gang. 1 They gave him something to eat, and j agreed to pilot him baek to the camp j of his troop. It was then that j Trooper Thomas made the astounding discovery that, although he had been I wandering for forty-eight hours, he j was not five miles from the place j where ho had lost the fiank of the skirmish line. Compassless and with no landmarks to guide him, he had } been practically traveling in a circle [ until when, in the half delirium of the I second night in tho chaparral, ho had risen, and going blindly ahead had managed to keep for a while in a straight line.—Chicago Record. WHAT A JOURNALIST IS. llow He DJlTura From it I'laln, Ordinary Newspaper Man. After his lecture before the journal istic class at Cornwall University, a sophomore asked Eli Perkins when he became a journalist. "Never," said Eli, "but I do hope, after twenty years' more experience, ! to become a newspaper man." "Well, what is tho difference?" j asked the sophomore. "Just this, my sou," said Eli. "A ; callow reporter calls himself a jour- | lialist. As George Welshons says, 'in his first tadpole stage, when his head ; is swelled,' he is a journalist. If ho I Anally shows great brain aud indus- j try, and escapes tho fool-killer, ho may bocomo a reporter. After years of study aud toil, and when his brains are stuffed with wisdom, wit and dis cretion enough to kill his own editor ials aud 'make up' a sixteen-page Sun day edition, then I say he's a nows paper mau." "Then this is as high in the profos- | sion as ho can get?" * "Yes; he is now at the pinnacle, j By aud by, when ho gets lazy and stiff aud old and stupid, they reduce him to the position of editor. "An editor is a decayed newspaper j man with bunions on bis brain, chil- j blaius on his heart, corns on his ears j and warts and dyspepsia on his liver, i The business of tho editor is to sleep uptown all day and at night he prowls ; around a newspaper oflice, and at mid- j night ho takes a blue pencil and assas- j siuates every bright and readable idea that the smart reporters have brought iu during tho day. "The editor is all epithet, while the j reporter is all proof. The editor calls a man a chicken thief and gets sued for libel, while the isnorter, kodak in bund, interviews him while picking ofl the feathers in his back yard, and the next day tiio thief takes a whole ad vertisement to shut up the newspaper. "No," continued Eli, "I hope I am a newspaper mau, and I dread the time when I shall get old aud stupid and have to kill my own bright things which made the people glad, sold newspapers aud made Americans know me." flow to Fit it Slioe. "People would find less difficulty in suiting themselves with ready-made shoes," said an experienced shoe maker, "if they would stand up to have thorn fitted. Nine persons out of ton require a particularly comfort able chair wheu they are having shoes tried ou, and it is difficult to make them stand for a few minutes even when tho shoe is fitted. Then, when they begin to walk about, they are surprised that the shoes are less com fortable than tlioy were when first fit ted. Tho reason is simple. "The foot is smaller when one sits in a chair thau it is wheu one is walk iug about. Exercise brings a con siderable quantity of blood to the feet, which accordingly swell. Tho mus cles also expand. These facts must he borno in mind when one buys one's shoes, or discomfort aud disappoint ment are sure to bo tho result. Peo ple who are not comfortable in ready* made shoes should have both feet measured. Tho result will generally be the discovery that they have feet of different sizes, and therefore need specially made shoes." —Washington Star. London's Flrat Hallway. The last remaining relic of the first railway iu London has just disap peared from public view, having fallen wearily into the waters of thoWaudle. It was in 1801, or nearly a century ago, that an act was passed authoriz ing tho construction of a railway from AVaudsworth to Croydon, the sleepots being of stone and horses the motive power. The scheme included a dock at Wandsworth, and it is the ancient wooden crane connected therewith which has just committed suicide iu despair at tho futility of its life. - London Chronicle. ITHE FACULTY OF FLIGHT A PROBLEM THAT MAY BE SOLVED BY THE BIRD-ANATOMIST. i > Thnr May lie a Principle, Xot Yet Gnce.ecl at. That Will Explain All the JMy.tery or l>lr<l-PUcht—The M iißenlar Power of Wing.—Great Endurance of Vulture., ! -'There is no faculty or power In cren turos which can rightly perforin its func tions without tho perpetual aid of tho Su ! preme Being."—Hooker. ! Tho problem of binl-fligbt lias its j humors aud its absurdities. Recently there has been a revival of the gas eous theory to aacount for the appur- I outly impossible, yot every day-vis [ ible, performances of tho hawks aud ! buzzards, the swifts aud indeed all of j tho best flyers. It is said that birds have a pneumatic system, in addition \to the osseous, muscular, vascular, nervous aud other systems common to ' all higher animals; and that by the j functioning of this particular system ; they render themselves so buoyant : that their alar operations nre conipar i atively easy, requiring far less muscu lar exertion and ucrvous expense than i would appoar to be necessary. I This theory seems to me pre ! posterous, being based in a flat con tradiction of an axiom of natural philosophy. A balloon,wheu collapsed, will not rise in the air; hut when | expanded with a gas lighter than onr atmosphere it soars. The same prin ' ciplo causes a hull to float on water j when a solid of the same size would ! sink plump to the bottom. If the ; bird has a Hystom of pneumatic envi -1 ties, the bird's body is at its lightest when those cavities are absolutely ' empty; for no ga3 is lighter than | vacuum. Then clearly the only mothod by whioli the bird can iucrense its buoyancy iu this connection is by expanding its substance, and at tho same time filling tho spaces with a ! gas extremoly light and yet able to | resist the increased pressure of the external air. But does a bird expand J its bones, or even its softer parts, to any practical extent while flyiug? jNo theorist claims that it does. If ! such expansion were possible the only service a gas could perform would he to rosist the atmos | phorio pressure; for, as I have said, i the bird would he lighter without the j gas than with it. No substance is I lighter than nothing! j It is u perfectly manageable problem I to calculate just how much a buzzard would have to expand the "cavities of its pneumatic system" in order to in crease the buoyancy of its body a ; given number of ounces. But sup- I posing the bird can at will expel from j its bono-cavities and other pneumatic reservoirs all gaseous contents, there would not bo an appreciable lessening : of weight in the problem of flight. In fact, if a buzzard could at will dis card its entire abdominal viscera, the loss of substance would not be suffi cient to make any great change iu our problem; for the wild goose is twice | as heavy in the body as a turkey | vulture, and just as good a flyer,witli : out any advantage iu wing force. The i difference in sailing ability in favor of the vulture is easily accounted for on ! the score of natural bodily lightness; i but this comparison does not in any ! way assist in settling the main ques j tiou. Of course if two birds have i equal wiug force and greatly unequal : bodily weight, the heavier will have !to work the harder in flying. Still, j under the most favorable co-ordina ] tion of weight and wing power in a bird, the problem of flight is far from \ solution. | It is easy to catch a buzzard, a vul | ture or a gooso aud accurately meas ure the muscular force of its wiugs. 'lt has been done. This force has not been found very remarkable. A hoy twelve years old can hold both wings of a twenty-pound goose iu oue hand | without great exertion. The wing | muscles are strong, hut not marvel ously strong; about equal to those of a strong mnu's tlinmb. Well, a very strong man cau lift his own weight with his two thumbs; wherofore it should he easy enough for a goose to lift twenty pounds with the same ! muscular power. Hero, however, | comes iu the the immense counter : leverage of tho bird's long wings as a troublesome element of onr calcula tion. Let a strong man take iu his hand a van, the full size of a vulture's wing, aud attempt to sweep it swiftly ! througU the air; the realization of what the bird overcomes with such ; apparent ease and with such marvelous I grace will immediately arrive. It may 1 he said that in any event the vulture has but to sustain the weight of its own body; hut remember that this I must bo with outstretched wiugs. j Wore the wiugs mere thumbs nud the I extreme leverage only three or four ! inches, nil would he well; but the nir : pressure on the ontiro wing is at last borne by tho muscles whore they pass tho wing-joint, next to the body, and I the strain is kept up for many hours without a moment's rest. The stroug i eat man's arms could not boar it for j two hours, as experiment would easily ! disclose. ! i The flight problem, therefore, sug gests a deeper examination into bird | anatomy than has yet boon made. The | j whole physiological struoturo lunst ho restndied with a view to accounting for the immense nervous resources of tho avian physique. Long continued muscular exertion uses np nervous i forco, with n corresponding exhaus tion of heart-power, lung-power aud i will-power. Are birds not subject to the laws of physical waste aud recup ■ j eiation? Some of them fly for forty • j eight hours, or longer, without rest i | or food; and if they sleep it is while i I incessantly continuing their flight. I i ! have taken them, ou their migration, : j when n storm had driven them to | earth, and found not a trace of food iI in their stomachs. Bnt for the storm i | they would have gone hundreds, per- I haps thousands, of miles farther with i nut a mouthful of sustenance. Poos not this point to some physiological secret—some unknown factor in the bird's physical economy—which may oy may not be discoverable? We do not yet know what magnetism is; we are but guessing r.t electricity,• we cannot even be sure what causes -he diiferonce in weight between steel <iud platinum, or between gold and silver. | Why then shall we turn up our "sci entific" nose when it is suggested that there may be a principle, not even guessed at, upon which it would be easy to base all the conditions ol Bight as we see it in birds? There is not a physiologist living who can ab solutely account for the correlation of nerve-power and muscular force which brings about the voluntary crooking of one's finger. Yet the ignoramus who does not, and never can, know how he winks his eye, pretends to set bounds to tho secret of bird-flight.— Maurice Thompson, in tho New York Independent. Trout Flailing In Nonvuy. Several English sportsmen have written home from thoir sojourn in Norway describing the exciting sport of "brook" trout fishing on that side of the peninsula, where cowflys and gnats are unknown and the fisherman is not stricken with hay fever. The absence of the tourist, too, is said to add much to the pleasure of the sport amid the primitivo scenes on the snowy banks of the Norwegian streams, where are clustered little hamlets of sheep herders and farmers. According to one writer, "In the larger sheets of water tho fish vary considerably, not only in size, but in condition, and a prize in the shape of a well-fed two pounder occasionally turns up. When such a specimen has been secured, it is woll to lay him in the nearest snow drift, instead of carting him about for j hours; his goldeu coat contrasts ad mirably with the pure white surfaco, and ho cats all the better afterward. When tho limits of his little excursion are reached, nod the keen air and violent exercise have induced thoughts of dinner, the angler, after placing a 1 layer of fern or wild strawberry leaves j over the fish, may top-dress his basket with lily of tho valley gathered from some rocky ledge, and return to his rustic quarters invigorated alike in body and mind." This seems indeed a ti'out fisherman's paradise, and it is not strange that the wary but spry trout should think any fly in the book a luxury, aud grasp it accordingly. Virginia's Apple Trees. Near Stuart, in Patrick County, at j the foot of a spur of tho Bluo Ridge 1 Mountains, there is an applo tree i which measures niue foot live inches J around. Five feet from tho ground I are four branches, tho largest being six feot around, the next five feet, the smallest four feet five inches. Tho tree is fifty-two foot high and seventy one feot broad. Although it is about seventy years old, it bore last year a very largo crop. It has been known to produce 110 bushels in a season, i and, S3 might bo supposed, the soil 1 iu which it grows is exceedingly rich, j On a neighboring farm there is au apple tree which is eight feet five inches around. In 1880 eighty-five bushels of choice picked apples were gathered from it and sold at tho apple house for sixty dollars. The tree is seveuty-fivo years old and is still bearing. Two miles from Stuart, on tho farm of J. W. Robertson, stands the famous Robertson tree, tho parent of all the applo trees of that name in the United States. It bears a large, red apple, which keeps we'll, and it has pro duced at ou6 bearing eighty-five bush els, is about eighty years old aud is still bearing. A few years ago there was on a farm near Stuart an apple tree which pro ' duced at one bearing 130 bushels. It shaded at meridian ninety feet of ground in diameter.—Charlottesville (Va.) Progress. Automobile Verstu Trolley. Street railway men kavo long de clared that the average American is iu too much of a hurry to take time to climb to the second story of a double deck car, but there is evory reason to believe that a typo of automobile, built aftor the fashion of a taliyho or au omnibus with seats on top will ulti mately fiud favor with suburban and long-distance passengers. The possi bilities in the matter of speed may bo realized from the rocent record of an English machine which made thejour 'ney from Coventry to London, a dis tance of ninety-two miles, in four hours, nn average of twouty-threo miles per hour. The cheapening of tho motor vehicle will naturally prove an important fac tor in tho extension of its use as a competitor of the street car. Indeed, it will reach its fullest development in this direction only after the price of an autocar is approximately that of a street car fitted with nn olectrio motor. Once started, the encroach ments of the automobile on the field of municipal transportation will be rapid. Tho new vohioles may also be expected to displace street cavs iu many auxiliary services, such as the conveyance of the mails and the traU3- portation of farm products in the rural districts.—The Automobile Magazine. A "Wine Mayor. Evidently the Mayor of Allentown, Peun., is au up-to-date businessman. He has recommended that the City Council prohibit the littering of the city streets and sidewalks by "tbose who still regard the handbill as a use ful method of advertising." Ireasure In Teetli. On the authority of the greatest manufacturer of dentat supplies in the oountry there are over 40,000 ounces of pure gold worked up unnually for dentists' use for material in filling teeth, in plateß and solders, the value of this gold approximating SI,OOO, QUI). OUR BUDGET 0E HUMOR LAUGHTER-PROVOKINC STORIES FOR LOVERS OF FUN. Dlfiillunioneri~Onu He I* Mont Fnminiu With—Ono Needed—the Futlier'N SUA. picion—Primitive Woei- Keally, It Was Too Had, Etc.. Etc, I thought her u poem of beauty, of grace, Auil scanning her, marveled Iu blis-. Tier rhythm of motion, her sweetness of face, Her Hps that seemed made for a kiss* JBut now, disillusioned, the thought I re tract. A petulaut anger I nurse, I thought her a poem, ami wake to the facw To mo she Is clearly averse. —Detroit Free Press. One He JA Molt Familiar With. Hewitt—"What color is 'dun* color?" Jewett—"Red, I guess; that's the color I got when auybody dims 1110. Harper's Bazar. Olio Needed. She—"They seeai to be lost in each other's love." He—"Yes; they ought to advertise for a minister."---Puck. The Futher'* Simpleton. "Babyis smiling in his sleep." "Yes; he's dreaming of colic and that he's making mo trot up aud dowu the room with him."—Chicago Record. Primitive Woe*. Lillian "What awful hardsuipsur forefathers must have experienced." Blanche—"Yes, just think, they didn't have olives." Keally, It* Wan Too Und. Reggy—"That howwid servant girt insinuated that L was a flood;" Fwoddy—"Hid she say 'ilood,' dead boy?" Reggy—"Naw, but she said I was a freshet." —Chicago News. How He Avoid* It. "Trivvet never gets hot under ...o collar." "He must be a very even-tempered man." "It isn't that. He never wears a collar."—Judge. Another Intelligent Dot?. "I taught that bulldog of mine to put on his own muzzle." "Then I .suppose you taught him to take it off again?" "No, he taught himself that."— Clevelaud Plain Dealer. Feminine GotinUteiic. Mabel—"Why do you always buy two kinds of note paper?" Maud—"Well, you see, when t write to Tom I use red paper—that means love; aud whou I write to Jack I use 1)1 tie paper—which means faitu ful aud true." A Completed Tnk. New Boarder—"What kind of a cook have you got iu this house?" Waiter—"Woman, sir." New Boarder—"Huh. and they say a woman's work is never done. Wo!:, look at that steak, cooked into soij leather."—Detroit Free Press. ProgreßA Killed Him. *'You don't meau to say thnfc yo& fired Plodder?" "Yes." "Why, ha worked like a horse for you." "Exactly. He was reliable, but out of-date."—Philadelphia Preaa. Womnu'S Way. Toss—"lsn't she a peculiar gir'? She wouldn't look at him when ii > was rich, but now, after he's lost all his money, she accepts him." Jess—"Oh, well, you know how crazy every woman is to get anything that's reduced."—Philadelphia Press. It Puzzle* Oilier Folk, Too. "I want to ask one more question," said little Frank, as he was being put to bed. "Well?" acquiesced tho tired mamma. "When holes come iu stockings, what becomes of the piece of stock ing that was there before the hole came?" A Sure Cure. Doctor—"lt's a nervous affection that makes your husband hiccough so persistently." Wife—"Yes; but what will euro him?" Doctor—"One almost certain rem edy is to scare hiin iu some way." Wife—"Suppose you present your bill then." Why lie Didn't liecognlze It. Husband—"What is the name ot that new piece you just played?" Wife—"Why, that isn't new. Yo x have heard me play it a score of times." Husband—"lt doesn't sou'-id fa miliar." Wife—"l had the piano tuned j day."—Chicago News. 1* A .Softer Side. 'This is a hard world," sai l the gloomy mail. "You ought to ooma out nu d lh where I do," said tho cheery friend. "You want to get awav from these as pbnlt pavements au 1 como to nut neighborhood, where the world is characterized by nice, soft mud every consistency, from oatmeal mn,a to angel cake."—Washington Star. Something She Would lie member. "Your relusat, Miss Quickstep," tho young man said, "wounds mo deeply, but you cauuot deprivo me oi the recollection of the many happy hours I have passed iu your cum pauy." "I shall remember them with sin cere pleasure, too, Mr. Spoonamore, believe me," she replied. "No young luau of my acquaintance has ever brought me as delicious ohocolais creams as you have."—Chicago Tri bune
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers