Freeland Tribune Established 1888. PUBLISHED EVERY MONDAY AND THURSDAY, BV TH TRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY. Limited OmicK: MAIN STBEET ABOVH CKNTBE. FREELAND, PA. SUBSCRIPTION RATES: One Year 81.50 Six Months 75 'our Months 50 Two Months . .25 The date which the subscription is paid to b on the address label of each pnper, the ehanße of which to a subsequent date be •otnes a receipt for remittance. Keep tbe Sgures in advuuce of the present date. Re port promptly to this office whenever paper u not received. Arrearages must be paid when subscription is discontinued. Make all money orders, checks, etc,,payable to the Tribune Printing Company, Limited. The automobile lends itself to the art and science of war with peculiar cordiality. We have "motor scouts," and "war motor cars, 1 ' and according to the logic of events we shall have ether implements which will render the tented field more dangerous than ever. This "war motor, "by the way, is something to contemplate with awe. The thing is armor plated, so says the latest reports, and has a ram at each end. Besides this, it carries two rapid fire guns, and has a revolving turret and a searchlight. It will be "Look ont for the locomotive when the boll rings," if that machine gets started in your direction. An absurd article by Lombroso, in the Pall Mall Magazine, on "An Epi demic of Kisses in America," has very naturally caused the sanity of the Italian sociologist to be questioned. Doubtless he is sane enough to go at large, but doubtless also the balance of his faculties is sufficiently impaired to make it impossible for him to see his fellow-creatures as they are. He sees men not as trees walking, but as itinerant mental diseases. Specialists are apt to beoome cranks and to lose something of their sense of propor tion. Lombroso's ease is notoriously and obviously one in point. He has raised so many spooks, and so accus tomed himself to see them, that he is no longer able to distinguish between the sociological spectre and tbe real man. In Massachusetts it has just been decided that the sanitary condition of picnic grounds and summer resorts in general is not all that might be, and with a view to improving it the State Board of Health has undertaken to mako a careful examination of all these places. Special attention will be paid to the sources of water supply, and it is believed that by suggesting, and when necessary by enforcing, a general cleaning up, the number of typhoid fever cases among people re turning from vacations can be ma terially decreased. The idea is ob viously an excellent one, for ignorance and carelessness combine to render many summer resorts far from the healthful abodes tbey are supposed to be by a trusting public. Every fall the mortality rate of cities is raised by deaths, the seeds of which are sown scores or hundreds of miles away. He Didn't Bite. "I never can tell a story aud have it oome out all right," said a little woman plaintively the other day. "I thought I had such a good one not long ago. I was walking along and heard one street boy say to another, 'Oh. you go buy ten cents' worth of potash.' 'What for?' says No. 2. 'For ten cents,' yelled the other, and ran off giggling. "I thought it was pretty good, and I'd try it on Charlie at supper. But when I told him to go buy ten cents' worth of potash he never said a word, and I know another joke had fallen flat and kept still. But the worst was later. He put on his hat and van ished after supper, coming back in a minute witli a little parcel, that he hgpdei to me. J'' ; " that?' asked I. ' ' " 'Why, the potash you said you wanted,' answered he, and I nearly had hysterics on the spot. Did you ever bear anything so perfectlyawful? I won't over try to get off anything fanny again." And the little woman sighed as she walked away. ,£■ , Scotland has forty-six parishes without paupers, poor rates or publio houses. GTIH\H In th* Clßnrct Trn<l. In 1889 the total production of cigar ets in the United States was 2,lm,uui),- 000. For the next eight years there was a steady increase in the number produced. In 1897 it reached the as tonishing total of 4,063,000,000. Then came the agitation against cigarets, and the tax was advanced from 50 cents to $1.50 a thousand. The effect was that in the fiscal year ending June 80, 1899, only 3,735,000,000 cigarots were made. In spite of this fact the exportation of American cigarets has steadily increased. In 1889 the total taxes paid on cigarets amounted to $4,203,000, an increase of $610,000 ovi the previous year. I A TRUE STORY OF THE SOUTH SEAS! SF BY LOUIS BECKE AND WALTER JEFFERY. C~?T is well recognized that some yarns of yau exceedingly chausen-like char acter have been spun—and printed —by men of their adventures in Aus tralian waters, or in the South Seas, but an examination of such stories by anyone with personal knowledge of the Pacific and Australasia has soon, and very deservedly so, knocked the bottom out of them. Yet there are stories of Sonth Sea adventure, well authenticated, which are not a whit less wonderful than the most marvel ous falsehood that any man "has yet told and lived.' And the story of what bei ell John Itenton is one of them. A file of the Queenslander (the leading Queensland weekly news paper) for 1875 will corroborate his story; for that paper gave the best account of his adventures in one of their November (1875) numbers, and the story was copied into nearly every paper in Australasia. Like Harry Bluff, John Kenton "when a boy left his friends and hiß home, o'er the wild ocean waves all his life for to roam." Ronton'shome was in Stromness, in the Orkneys, and he shipped on board a vessel bound to Sydney, in 1867, as an ordinary seaman, he being then a lad of eighteen. When in Sydney he got about among the boarding houses, in "sailor town," and one morning woke up on the forecastle of the Beynard of Boston, bound on a cruise for guano among the South Pacific Islands. Benton had been crimped, and, finding himself where he was,bothered no more about it, but went cheerfully to work, not altogether displeased at the prospect of new adventures,which would enable him, by-aud-by, to go back to the old folks with plenty of dollars, and a stock of startling yarns to reel off. He was a steady, straight forward lad, though somewhat thoughtless at times, and resolved to be a steady,straightforward man. The vessel first went to the Sandwich Islandß, aud there shipped a gang of Hawaiian natives to help load the guano. Then she sailed away to the southward for McKean's Island, one of the Phtenix Group, situated about latitude 30 degrees 35 minutes S., and longitude 174 degrees 20 minutes W. On board the Beynard was an old salt known to all bands as "Boston Ned." He had been a whaler in his time, had deserted, aud spent some years beach-combing among the islands of the South Seas. And very soon, through his specious tongue, he had all hands wishing themselves clear of the "old hooker," and enjoying life in the islands instead of cruising about, hazed here and there and everywhere by mates of the Reynard, whose main purpose in life was to knock a man down in order to make him "sit up." Presently three or four of the bauds became infatuated with the idea of settling on an island; and Old Ned, nothing loth, undertook to take charge of the party if they would make an at tempt t to (clear from the ship. The old man had taken a fancy to young Benton. And the youngster, when the idea was imparted to him, fell in with it enthusiastically; for he was exasperated with the treatment he had received on board the guano-man (the after-guard of an American guano ship are a rough lot). The ship was lying on aud off the land, there being no anchorage, and before the plan had been discussed more tbau a few hours, the men, five persons in all, determined to put it into execution. A small whaleboat was towing astern of the vessel, in case the wind should fall light and the ship drift in too close to the shore. It was a fine night, with a light breeze, and there was, they thought, a good chance of getting to the southward to one of the Samoan Group, where they could set tle; or, by shipping on board a trad ing schooner there, might later on strike some other island to their fancy. By stealth they managed to stow in the boat a couple of small breakers of water, holding, together, sixteeu gal lons, and tbe forecastle bread barge, with biscuits enough for three meals a day per man for ten days. They managed also to steal four hams, and each man brought pipes, tobacco aud matches. A harpooij with some line, and old galley frying pan", mast, sail and oars, and some blankets completed the equipment. For they took 110 compass, though they made Bpveral attempts to get at one slung in the cabin, and tried at first to take one out of the poop binnacle, but the officer of the watch on deck was too wide awake for them to risk that, and the cabin compass was screwed to the roof close to the skipper's berth. So the old man who was their leader, old sailor and whaler as he was, actually gave up the idea of taking a compass, aud those people without more ado one night slipped over the side into the whale, out the painter, and by daylight the boat was out of sight of land aud of the ship. They were sailing upon the Pacific, running six or soven miles bofnre a strong northeast breeze aud expected to sight land in loss than a week, and were already anticipating the free dom and luxury of island life in store for them. Three days later it fell calm, and they had to take to the oars. The sun was perpendicular, the sea a sheet of glass reflecting baek upon them the ball of fir© overhead. Now and then a catspaw would iipplo across the plain of water, but there were no clouds, there was no sight of land. They kept on pulling. For three— for four days—a week—for ten days —they tugged at the oars, except when a savoring breeze came. The water was reduced to a few pints, the food to a few half days' rations. Their limbs were cramped, so that they could not move from their places in the boat, their bodies were becom ing covered with sores, and the wind had now died away entirely; the sea was without a ripple, and forever shone above the fierce, hot sun. Gradually it had dawned upon them that they were lost—that perhaps they had run pnst Samoa. The insanity of their adventure gave place to despair, and by degrees their despair grew to madness of a more awful kind. On the fifteenth day there appeared to the south and east a low, dark-gray cloud. "Land at last!" was the un spoken thought in each man's heart as he looked at his comrade, but feared to voice his hope. And pres ently the cloud grew darker and more clearly defined, and one of the men, the next oldest to the author of all their miseries, fell upon his weak and trembling knees and raised his hands in thankfulness and prayer to the Almighty. Alas! it was not land, but the omnious forerunner of the fierce and sweeping mid-equatorial gale, which lay veiled behind. In less than half au hour it came upon and smote them with savage fury, and the little boat was running before a howling gale and a maddened, foam-whipped sea. And then it happenod that, ill and suffering as he was from the agonies of hunger and thirst, the heroic na ture of old "Boston Ned" came out, and his bold sailor's heart cheered and encouraged his wretched, despair ing companions. All that night, and for the greater part of the following day, he stood in the stern sheets, grasping the bending steer oar as the boat swayed and surged along before tbe gale, and constantly watching lost she should broach to and smother in the roaring seas, The others lay in the bottom, feebly bailing out the water, encouraged, urged and driven to that exertion by the gallant old American seaman. Towards noon the wind moderated; in the afternoon it died away alto gether, and again the boat lay rising and falling to the long Pacific swell, and "Boston Ned" flung his exhaust ed frame down in the stern sheets and slept. Again the blood-red sun leaped from a Bea of glassy smoothness—for the swell had subsided during the night—and again the wretched men looked into each other's dreadful faces and mutely asked what was to be done. How should they head the boat? Without a compass they might as well steer one way as another, for none of them knew even approximately the eoursb for the nearest land. Searoh the oloudless vault of blue above, or scan the shimmering sea-rim till their aching eyes dropped from out their hollowing sockets, there was no olue. Twenty days out the last partiole of food and water had been consumed, and though the boat was now steer ing as near westward as old Ned could judge, before a gentle southeast trade, madness and despair were com ing quickly upon them, and on the twenty-third day two of the five miserable creatures began to drink copiously of salt water—the drink of death. Ronton, though he had suffered to the bitter full from the agonies of body and mind endured by his ship mates, was not one of these, and by a merciful Providenoe remained sane enough to turn his face away from the water. But, as he lay crouched iu a heap iu the bottom of the boat, with a silent prayer iu his heart to his Creator to quickly end his sufferings, he heard "Boston Ned," and the only remaining sane man except him self, muttering hoarsely together and looking sometimes at him and some times at the two almost dying men who lay moaning beside him. Presently the man who was talking to Ned, pulled out of his blanket—which lay iu the stern sheets—a razor, and turning his back to Renton, began stropping it upon the sole of his boot, and even "Boston Ned" himself looked with awful eves and blood baked, twitohinglips upon the young ster. " : The lad saw what was coming, and as quickly as possible made his way forward aud sat there, with his eyes fixed upon the two men aft, waiting for the struggle which he thought must soou begin. All that day and the night he sat and watched, deter mined to make a fight for the little life which remained in him, and Ned and the other man at times still mut tered and eyed him wolfishly. And so, on and on, these seeming outcasts of God's mercy sailed before the warm breath of the southeast trado wind, above them the blazing tropio sun, around them the wide sailless expanse of the blue Pacifio, unbroken in its dreadful loneliness except for a gray-winged booby or flocks of whale birds floating upon its gentle swell, and within their all but deadened hearts naught but grim despair and a dulled sense of coining dissolution. Aa he sat thus, supporting his swollen head upon his skeleton hands, Benton saw something astern moving slowly after the boat—something that he knew was waiting and following for the awful deed to be done, so thai it, too, might share in the dreadful feast. Raising his bony arm, he pointed toward the moving fin. $o him a shark meant no added horror or danger to their position, but possibly deliverance. "Boston Ned" and the other man first looked at the coming shark, and then with sunken eyes again turned to Renton. Voices none of them had, and Renton's parched tongue could not articulate but with signs and lip movements he tried to make the other two men understand. No shark hook had they, nor if they had had one had they anything with which to bait it. But Renton, crawling off, picked up the harpoon, placed it in "Boston Ned's" hands, and motioned to him to stand by. Then, with eager, trembling hands, he stripped from his legs the shreds of trousers which remained on them, and, Bitting upon the gunwale of the boat, hung one limb over and let it trail in the water. Three times the shark came up, and thrice Ned prepared to strike, but each time the horrid ranger of the seas turned aside and dived as it caught sight of the waiting figure with weap on poised above. But at last hunger prevailed, and swimming slowly up till within a few yards of the boat, it made a sudden dash for the bait, missed it, and the harpoon, deftly darted by the old ex-whaler, clove through its tough skin and buried itself deep into its body. It took the worn-out, exhausted men a long time to haul alongside and dispatch the struggling monster, which, says Renton, was ten feet in length. Then followed shark's flesh and shark's blood, some of the former, after the first raw meal, being cooked on a fire made of the biscuit barge, upon a wet blanket spread in the bot tom of the boat. The hot |weather, however, soon turned the remaining portion putrid; but two or three days later camo God's blessed rain, and gave them hope and life again. They managed to save a considerable quan tity of water, and though the shark's flesh was in a horrible condition, they continued to feed upon it until the thirty-fifth day. On this day they saw land, high and well-wooded, but now the trade winds failed them, and for the following two days the unfortunate mon contended with baffling light airs, calms and strong currents. At last they within a short distanoe of the shore, and sought for a landing place through the surrounding surf. Suddenly four or five canoes darted out from the shore. They were filled with armed savages, whose aspect and demeanor warned old Ned that he and his comrades were among cannibals. Sweeping alongside the boat, the sav ages seized the white men, who were all too feeble to resist or even move, put them into their [canoes and con veyed them on shore, fed them, and treated them with muoh apparent kindness. Crowds of natives from that part of the island—whioh was Malayta, one of the Solomon group— came to look at them, and one man, a chief, took a fancy to Renton and claimed him as his own especial property. Renton never saw the rest of his companions again, for they were re moved to the interior of the island— probably sold to some of the bush tribes; the "man-a-bush," as the coastal natives called them. Their fate is not difficult to guess, for the people of Malayta were then, as they are now, cannibals. On August 7th, 1875, the Queens land labor recruiting schooner Bobtail Nag was cruising off the ieland, trad ing for yams, and her captain heard from some natives who came alongside that there was a white man living ashore in a village about ten miles distant. The skipper of the Bobtail Nag at onoe offered to pay a handsome prioo if the man was brought on board, and at the cost of several dozen Birm ingham steel axes and some tobacco, poor Kenton's release was effected. He told his rescuers that the people among whom he had lived hnd tnken a great fancy to him, and had treated him with great kindness. If the reader will look at a chart of the South Pacific he will see, among the Phmnix Group, the position of McKean's Island; two thousand miles distant, westward and southward, is the island of Malayta, upon which Kenton and his companions in misery drifted.—Ainslee's Magazine. The Farmers of the Sea. The average value of the product of agricultural lauds per acre or square mile is often computed, but probably few of us have seen similar computa tion* relating to the soa. Professor Ileusens, writing in the German geo graphical periodical Globus, has fig. ured out an average of this sort for the North Sea,which is well known to be one of the world's great sources of value derived from fisheries. He says the value of the fish caught in the North Sea yearly by the countries bor dering it is about $11,000,000. The yearly catch is never known to be less than $37,500,000 nor more than 345,- 000,000. The North Sea, including the Skuger Rak, or gulf between the southern part of Norway and Sweden, has an area of 225,884 square miles, and therefore the average value of the North Sea fisheries each year is $18.15 for every square mile of the sea. Wonderful James Ryder liandall. James Ryder Randall, the Tyrtaous of the Civil War, author of "Mary land, My Maryland," "The Sole Sen try," "The Battle Cry of the South," etc., declared that he could read two columns of a newspaper at the samo time, provided they were on different subjeots. I suppose he uses one eye on each column. His optics are a pair of rapid rectilinear stereo lenses.— New York Press, WE MAY GROW TRUFFLES A LOT SENT HERE FROM FRANCE FOR EXPERIMENTAL PURPOSES. Experts of the Department of Agricul tare Believe That the Industry Can lie Established in This Country—ln creasing Uses For Truffles. The United States Department of Agriculture has received from S"ro fessor Walter T. Swingle, one of the agriculture explorers sent abroad to look for rare and valuable Beeds and plants likely to he grown with profit in this country, a number of seeds, plants and artioles of food which it is thought may prove of value to the American produoer and consumer. All of these will bo experimented with by the Division of Seed and Plant In troduction within a short time. I fAmong the things sent over from France are a lot of truffles, an article of food which can in all probability be produced with profit here. In France the truffle industry is growing rapid ly, and promises within a Bhort time to become one of great value to agricul turists. Professor Swingle believes that we can produce in this country all the truffles we need, whereas now we import every one that goes on the table. The truffle industry in France has in the last few years increased rapidly, and now amounts to more than 85,000,000 annually, nnd such is the demand for truffles that from a mere side-issue on the part of farmers their cultivation has developed into a regular business of great profit. Truffle raising is very interesting, and in order to oarry it on success fully one must have considerable skill and patience. Truffles, it is well known, are a fungus growth like mushrooms, but instead of growing on the surface they are found from ten to twelve inches below the ground clinging to roots of trees, and it re quires the aid of trained hogs or dogs to discover them. The odor is very strong and penetrating, and is gener ally esteemed powerfully fragrant. In its uncooked state the truffle is con sidered by some to possess a very agreeable taste. Like mnshrooms there are various species, some of which are worthless and dangerous, but these are easily distinguished from the edible truffle. Truffles are raised in England, Italy' and France, but the Freuoh truffle is by far the best. Professor Swingle procured his truffles from the choioe of the Paris markets, and if the department succeeds in , introducing them into this country they will be of the best quality. A few years ago good truffles were rarely found in English markets; they could be obtained only in France, but as the demand increased the French turned their attention to the cultivation of the tuber, and now forests are being planted every year solely for raising them. Forests that were long thought to be valueless for the timber growing in them have late ly been found to possess great value for the production of truffles. Indeed, truffle forests within the past few years have increased so much in value that the taxes upon them have been quadrupled. The truffle grows from July ftill autumn or winter, is' found only in oak, beech and birch trees, and re quires a peculiar soil, a rich clayey earth. Professor Harkness, of the Academy of Sciences, believes that the forests of California and the Caro linas can produoe the finest kinds of truffles. There are species of truffles now found in California, but they are hardly fit to eat, and in order to in troduce the industry into this coun try it will be necessary to plant the ihiporte<} tubers, and experiment with them on different kind of trees. It is thought that there are .plenty of trees in the forests of this country that will produce good trufflesj|nnd if they are onoe successfully grown it will afford a large source of income to agriculturists, for a3 their various uses become better known the de mand will increase accordingly. In France the best truffles are sold for as much as $4 a pound. Inferior truffles can be bo bought from $1 up; and the wholesale price varies from sixty cents to 82 a pound. The French truffle is globular in shape, and in color a bright brown or black with polygonal warts cover ing it. The mature flesh is blackish gray, marbled with whito veins. The ordor is very pleasant, especially when the tubers are young, and then somewhat resembles that of a straw berry. With age the odor gets very strong, but is never offensive. There is another truffle found in France, which sometimes grows iu cultivated fields where there are willows, oaks and poplars. It is known as the false truffle, and is some times found on the surface of the ground. It is gathered quite extensively in Epping Forest by Italians and Frenchmen, and sold to the inferior restaurants of London where Continental dishes are served. It is a worthless, offensive, and, pos sibly dangerous fungus. Some per oat truffles raw, raw, sliced, and dipped in oil or egg, but the more general uses are in connection with game, eggs, etc., although the increased pro duction has naturally extended their use as a food, and now in France and England thero are dozens of ways of preparing the truffle by itself, and all ore said to be appetizing and delicious. When the truffle is eateu raw the taste is sweet and sugary. It is by the odor of the truffle that its presenco in tho earth is detected, but man alone cannot readily discover it. Squirrels, hogs, dogs, and other animals frequently dig up truffles and devour them, and it has been necessary to train the hogs and dogs to point out the places where they grow without eating them. Pigs will al ways eat truffles and dogs will do so occasionally, and it is, therefore, usual to give the trained pig or dog a small piece of cheese or some like reward each time it is successful iu finding one. Truffles are reproduced by spores, bodies which serve the same purpose as seeds in flowering-plants. In true truffles the spores are borne in trans parent sacs, from four to eight spores in each. These sacs are imbedded in vast numbers—in the flesh of the truf fle. Iu false truffles the spores are free, and borne on minute spicules, or supports. WISE WORDS. No one has a right to frown. —Se- lected. Fame is the perfume of heroio deeds. There is nothing more daring than ignorance. A generous action is its own re ward.—Walsh. Hunger and cold may be borne, but injustice never. It is hard to fight with passion; for it buys with life. A happy bridemaid makes a happy bride.—Tennyson. A moment of time may make us un* happy forever.—Gay. A good heart is better than all the heads in the world.—Bulwer Lytton. A good book is the best of friends, the same to-day and forever. —Martin Tupper. The age of persecution includes everything this side of eternity.— Socrates Smith. Sympathy, a cheap commodity which is sometimes hard to get.—The Devil's Dictionary. If a little knowledge is dangerous, where is the man who has so much as to be out of danger? For to cast away a virtuous friend, I call as bad as to cast away one's own wife, which one loves best. A great poet, like a great peak, must sometimes be allowed to have his head in the clouds.—Augustine Birrell. A good cause needs not to be pa troned by passions; it can sustain it self upon a temperate dispute.—Sir T. Browne. All politeness is owing to liberty. We polish one another and rub off our corners and rough sides by a sort of amicable collision. To restrain this is inevitably to bring a rus; upon men's understandings. "Get It." In 1875, when Professor Alexander Graham Bell was in Washington, he called on Professor Joseph Henry, the veteran scientist, who was then Sec retary of the Smithsonian Institute. Bell explained to Henry his idea of a telephone, and later wrote to liis par ents in Canada as follows: "I felt so much encouraged from his (Professor Henry's) interest, that I determined to ask his advice about the apparatus I have designed for the transmission of the human voice by telegraph. I explained the idea and said: " 'What would you advise me to do, publish it and let others work it out, or attempt to solve the problem my self?' "He said he thought it was the germ of a great invention and advised me to work it out myself instead of publishing. "I said I recDgnized that there mechanical difficulties in the way that rendered the plan impracticable at the present time. I added that I felt that I had not the electrical knowledge necessary to overcome tho difficulties. His laconic auswer was: " 'Get it.' •'I cannot tell yon liow much those two words encouraged me. I live too much in an atmosphere of discourage ment for scientific pursuits. Such a chimerical idea us telegraphing vocal sounds would, indeed, to most minds seem scarcely feasible enough to spend time in working over, I be lieve, however, that it is feasible, and I have got the cue to the solution." —Electrical Review. Stealing a Victory With Dummy Guno. An illustration of the "audacious impudence" of our privateersmen is had in the case c? the Paul Joues, of New York. This vessel put to sea at the outbreak of the War of 1812 with a complement of 120 men, but with only three guns. Almost her first prize was the heav ily armed British merchantman Has san, carrying fourteen guns, but with only twenty men, though her cargo was worth some $200,000. The Paul Jones, though carrying only three guns, was pierced for seventeen. It is said that the commander of the Paul Jones sawed off some spare masts to the length of guns, painted them black, nnd, being mounted on buckets, rolled them out of his empty ports as effective imitations of heavy ordnance. Thon, filling his rigging with his superfluous force of men, so far overawed the enemy that they sur rendered as soon as the privateer, with her dummy guns, got fairly alongside. The Americans then helped them selves to such of the Hassan's guns and ammunition as they needed and went on their way rejoicing.—Sat- urday Evoning Post, Hot Men-of-War. I heard months ago that the hottest ship in the fleet around Cuba was the St. Paul—not her upper works, but down in the hold. But she was not a marker to the Cincinnati, in whose hold temperatures as high as 205 de grees were registered. In one of the firerooms was looated a forced draff blower to which it was impossible to give proper attention on acoount of intense heat. When Captain Chester went below to investigate ho had his face scorched. Water boils at 212 degrees.—New York Press. WHEN PHYLLIS GOES A-FISHING. When Phyllis goes a-flshing, All on a summer day, The birds from out of their gladness Bing each a blither lay; The breezes in the willows A gentler murmur lend, Where, o'er the quiet reaches. The sun and shadow blend. When Phyllis goes a-flshlng * Ah, happy then am I To joint her pole together And fix her gaudy fly, To set her reel n-singlng And cast hr line afar Where, in the silent shadows, TLua speckled troutlets ure. When rhyllis goes a-flshing We lunch beneath the trees On jam and cake and pickles And ginger beer and cheese, While ever, as we're feasting, With trills and chirps and hums An orchestra is playing Which takes its pay iu crumbs. And while sweet Phyllis watchas Her line impatie/itly, My hook from out tho water Brings fishes two or throe. And when through fragrant twilight Our basket homo we've brought, Bweot Phyllis shows In triumph "The fishes that we caught!" —Town Topics. HUMOR OF THE DAY. "It's kind o' peculiar," said tho baker. "When I'm the busiest I do the most loafing." "I don't look at all well," said tho neglected dooryard, "but I am able to be around the house." Miss Gotrox—"The world owes you a living." Cleverton—"Well, you're all the world to me."—Town Topics. "What is ideal weather?" "Iu summer it is twenty degrees below zero and in winter it is ninety above." —Chicago News. Say, croaking little froglet, By the evening's darkness hid, Pray tell now. just between us, What was It Katy did? —Philadelphia North American. Belle—"Is Willy raising whiskers?" Benlah—"Well, I wouldn't like to dignify them by calling them whiskers; I think whiskerettes would be more proper." Mother (to little Freda, who has been taken to tho dentist's to have a tooth pulled)—" Freda, if you cry I'll never take you to a dentist's again." —Tit-Bits. "Why did you sheathe your sword in me?" cried the wandering minstrel. "Because you're a scab-bard," re plied the king's troubadour.—Harvard Lampoon. Trotting Thomas—"l wish I could turn myself into a rumor for a few moments." Walking William—"What for?" T.—"Why, they say a rumor gains currency." Mamma (at the breakfast table)— "You always ought to use your nap kin, Georgie." Georgie—"l am nam* it, mamma; I've got the dog tied to the leg of the table with it." Prison Visitor—"Tell me, my poor man, how came you to such a place as this?" Inmate—"Well, marm, I suspects it was all along o' the copper bein'a sprinter."—Boston Transcript. The Minister—"l trust, my friend, your lines are cast in pleasant places." The Poet—"Well, that depends on whether you would call waste-baskets pleasant places or not."—Chicago News. Mrs. Lash—"What did you get baby for a birthday present?" Mrs. Rash—"l took $2 out of the little darling's bank and bought him this lovely lamp for the drawing-room." Tit-Bits. Mrs. Flyer—"Harry, do you know the dirt from which diamonds are taken is blue?" Mr. Flyer—"No, but I know that the fellow who has to put up the dust for them generally is."— Jewelers' Weekly. "She scorned all her wooers so long that now she is doomed to be an old maid for the rest of her life." "Well, that seeuis like a just sentence for such contempt of court."—Phila delphia Bulletin. Wayfarer (to the robber)—"l haven't any money with me, I'm sorry to say, but I will be glad to advise all my friends and acquaintances to take walks along this lonely path here after."—Fliegonue Blaetter. "Oh, my head, my head!" groaned Rivers. "If anything ails your head," suggested Brooks, "why not treat it hoiniEopathieally?" "How's that?" "Have it shingled." It occurred to Rivers later on that Brooks meant to intimate that he had a wooden head, but by that time Brooks was out of reach.—Chicago Tribune. One Way to Do It. In Boston the other day a balky horse held up thirty trolley cars and blocked traffic for over an hour, re maining immovable while mud was rubbed iu his mouth, ignoring a blaz ing paper with which his whiskers were singed, and exhibiting the ut most contempt for a blacksnake whip wielded by a muscular driver. A Happy thought finally struok a by stander, who procured a soda siphon, and taking deliberate aim, squired half its contents in the animal's ear. As soon as he recovered from his sur prise the horse started off down the street at a two-minute gait and the blockade was lifted.—New Haven Journal and Courier. A Conservative Parrot. A cousin, who is with us now, has an aged parrot of moßt conservative instincts. She has had recently a new carpet in her dining room, where the parrot lives, and Polly made herself quite ill with her strong objection to this innovation. She screamed "Take itawayl" tall she was exhausted; and at last she refusod to eat her food till they brought a square of the old car pet and put it round the cage. She then at once became cheerful and re conciled to li/e, though she will never take her walks abroad beyond her be loved pieoe of old carpet.—London Spectator.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers