Freeiand Tribune Established 1888. PUI3LISUEB EVERY MONDAY AND THURSDAY, BY THE fRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY, Limited Orvicß: MAIN STREET ABOVE CENTRE. FREELAND, FA. SUBSCRIPTION RATES: One Year $1.50 Six Month* 75 Four Months 50 Two Months 25 The date which the subscription is paid to ts on the address label of each paper, the change of which to a subsequent date be comes a receipt for remittance. Keep the res in advance of the present date. Re port promptly to this office whenever paper Is not received. Arrearages must be puid when subscription is discontinued. Make all money orders , checks, etc., payable to the Tribun< Printing Company, Limited. Among "Dreyfus' grievances is the fact that he has inspired and adver tised a great deal of literature on ! which he will never be able to collect > any royalties. American people should no longer ! i plead ignorance of Cuba. Puerto Rico, j \ Guam or the Philippines, Besides the numberless books that have ap- j peared within the past few months,the newspapers fairly team with articles descriptive of the history, manners and customs of these several islands. In a recent publication of the Mass achusetts Prison association, a strong plea is made for the proposed legisla tion looking forward to complete state control of penal institutions; that is, of the placing of the county prisons as well as a number of reformatory in stitutions under the control oi a state board. One of the main reasons urged for this change is that it will secure a I classification of all the prisoners of the state. The British Railway association has < arranged to send five prominent rail- 1 way officials to the United States to * investigate the facts upon which the ( government bases the bill compelling 1 Ihe adoption of automatic coupling— 1 a measure which would give the board j of trade power, live years from its ' adoption, to compel British railroads to supply the whole of their rolling stock with this device, at an esti mated cost of §30,000,000. Scotland is about to receive its first lot of American steel rails, a cargo of 500 tons having just been shipped from Sparrow's Point, Md., to Glas gow. This installment is part of an order for 33,000 tons for the Caledo nian railway,and it marks the farthest advance of American steel products into England's home market. The expansion of this branch of American industry is strikingly illustrated by the fact that at the wharves of this Dne establishment in Maryland vessels are loading with steel rails for Scot laud on the East and Australia on the West. Professor Griudley of the Universi ty of Illinois has written Senator Cul tom expressing his great interest in the establishment of a bureau of do mestic science to foster the investiga tion of foods, particularly with refer ence to their preparation for use in the household. He says that univer sity has for some years given attention to this lino of investigation, and re cently, in connection with the depart ment of agriculture, has been making a series of studies of tbe composition nutritive value, digestibility and cost of the food supplies of the people of Illinois. "We are now studying the best methods for the preparation of meats for the table," he writes, "de termining also the losses involved and the changes produced in the different methods of cooking. The informa tion that is being obtained as a result of these investigations will he of much practical value to the people of the state. The citizens of Illinois have become much interested in our inves tigations and are constantly asking for more definite information upon this and allied subjects. It is highly de sirable that these and similar investi gations be continued and their scope i extended, as they may be in case proper provision be made for the pur pose." Europe's Oldest Colony. Iceland is the oldest colony possess ed by any European country. It ha:-: belonged to Denmark since 1389. Orig inally colonized by Norwegians in 874, it remained a republic till 1392, when it became subject to the Norwegian erown. In 1389 Norway and Denmark ■were united, and whon these two king doms separated Iceland remained Danish. a Wliy She IJl<l It. "Why is It," they asked, "that you let your husband have his own way in everything?" "Because," she replied, "I like to have some one to blame when things go wrong."—Boston Jour nal. THE SEARCH. Upon ray heart these vernal days, The longing keen takes hold To seek, afar from trodden ways, The morn's new-minted gold. I grasp my palmer's hazel staff, And blithely hie rae where The uriel bluebird's lyric laugh Goes rippling down the air. I find within the sky no flaw, And all the earth to me Is tuned to one ecstatic Jaw, The law of harmony. And rising from the dewy land Before ray questing eyes, A little flower, divinely planned, In virgin beauty lies. Plucking this boon of earth aud air, Iu hand and heart I hold My own Inalienable share Of morn's new-minted gold. —Clinton Kcollard. GOOCOOGOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOO 1 HOW THE CLIPPER I I GOT THE NEWS. § o„ o OOOOOOOOOOQCSOOOOO3OCOOOOOCJ tHOSE enter prising twins, Pauline ami Polly Peters, aged seven, bail just seen a wedding for tho first time in their short lives, and ' n reproduc jy Sj V ing the event * \ best of their remem brance. Paulino, with a preternatural solemn air, held a last year's almanao in her hand and figured as the officiating clergyman, while Polly, with a piece of mosquito netting over her head and a bouquet of baohelor buttons in her lianc\, was the bride. The most impressive part of tfie ceremony, to their minds, was the throwing of. rice and old shoes after the departing couple, and the insur mountable difficulty of introducing this feature into their reproduction caused them much distress. A bride, Polly complained, couldn't very well throw rice at herself, and,as Pauline thought it needed a hack or some kind of a conveyance to make the thing complete, it was at last reluc tantly decided to omit this most inter esting part of the marriage. The wedding procession, conspicu ous for a trifling oversight in the mat ter of a bridegroom, was on the point of starting down the barn, where the event was taking place, when a young man drove into the yard and, hitching his horse, rang the bell to inquire for the twins' grown up sister. For a minute the children gazed at each other as tho door opened to re ceive him, then a brilliant idea struck them simultaneously. Off came Polly's veil aud down want Pauline's book. "That's Charley Bingham oome to take sister to ride," gasped Polly, dancing up aud down in delight. "I know it," said Pauline excited ly, "and we haven't a minute to lose. You run right up to the house and get all the rice you cau, and I'll borrow some of the neighbors." "Oh, Mrs. Herriok," she panted breathlessly, a few seconds later, as she rushed into that lady's door, "won't you please let me have some rice?" "Why, child, what do you want of rice? You are not having a wedding at your house, are you?" "Yes, ma'am, and please hurry, or it will bo too late." "But who is it for?" "For sister Sue," shouted Pauline, who was iu too much of a hurry to stop for elaborate explanations, and raced back to meet Polly, who had had the good luolc to find a hag of the stuff which the grocer had left on the kitchen table. "Well, haven't they kept that pretty quiet?" inquired Mrs. Herriok of her caller, Mrs. Smith, as she picked up her knitting, and both ladies drew their chairs to the windows on the side next the Peters's house to watoh the course of events more closely. "There goes Parson Hildretlil" ex olaimed Mrs. Smith; and sure enongh that reverend gentleman was seen coming down the steps next door, hav ing made a call upon the twins' father. ''l thought that would be a match sometime; but what are those children doing now?" Pauliue and Polly, in their stocking feet, were tying white hair ribbons to the horses' foretops, and two pairs of small shoes were seen dangling under the carriage. There had been no time to hunt up cast-off symbols of good luck, so the twins had hastily di vested themselves of their own foot gear, and only mourned that there weren't ceutipedes when they viewed the smallness of the collection. The little girls had barely finished tying the laHt knot and skipped into the barn after their bags of rice when Mr. Bingham came out to get his team. He was a desperately shy young man aud not ospocially observ ing. Being slightly agitated, too, it is doubtful whether he would have uoticed had his horse turned into a prancing zebra during his absence, and it is not strange that the ribbons and other decorations failed to attract his attention. Pretty Miss Susie Peters next ap peared to take her plaoe in the oar riage, and Mr. Bingham had Just gathered up the reins preparatory to a start when a cloud-burst of rice en veloped them, the carriage, the horse, and a good share of the people on the street. The horse, a nervous animal, start ed with a jump, and further irritated by the fluttering ribbons before his eyes, swept down tho street at a run away pace. Tho shoes swung back and forth under the carriage for some distanco, but finally dropped off in front of the office of The Snowville Clipper, a country weekly whose force lived up to the motto, "All the news while it is news, while it, is fresh." Editor Dodge, who had a lively realization of the fact that eternal vigilance is the price of items, cast his eagle eye out of the window in time to note tjie occupants of the fly ing carriago, the rice and the shoes in front of his office door. "Hold on, John," he called to the foreman, who had just finished mak ing up the paper, "unlock the last form and take cut half a column of matter; I will be back in a few min utes with something to fill in." So saying he rushed out, and strid ing up-street met by chance the very lady who had been visiting Mrs. Herriok that afternoon. "Hoard about tbo wedding?" she asked him, as he drew near. "No; but was just going to find out about it," ho answered. "Young Binghnm and Susio Peters, wasn't it?" "Yes; I was next door during the ceremony, and it was tho quietest thing in the way of a wedding I ever heard of. Mrs. Peters likes so much style that I reckoned she would want to make considerable of a spread when Susie was married." "Who married them?" "Parson Eildreth, aud he was tho only person there outside the family. I don't believe their nearest neighbors would have known anything about it if it hadn't been for the twins. They were on hand with their rice and old shoes aud gave the couple a good send off." "What was her dress?" queried Dodge, jotting down tho points as fast as his gs,vrulous informant brought them out. "Well, she did have on the queer est rig for a bride —a white duck skirt,, pink shiit waist and a plain white sailor hat. She looked real sweet, though, aud as they were evidently going away on a carriage trip it was well enough, but not what you would expect from Mrs. Peters's daughter. No one would suspect from her dress, though, that she was a bride, and that is probably what she intended." "Thank you ever so much, Mrs. Smith," said Dodge; "meeting you has saved rue lots of trouble." Back he hurried to tho office with gratification so plainly depicted upon his countenance that the idlers in the square, as the business part of the town was called, wondered what "Hustler" Dodge had got onto now to make him look so happy, and several old farmers, who had driven down to the village to do some trading, decided to wait until after the paper was out before going home; "the women folks would like to read the news," they thought, "Now, girls, wake up," said the edi tor as he blew iuto the office, "and set this copy as fast as you cau; wo have only ten minutes to spare, and it won't do to miss the mails; people are too anxious to'get The Clipper," he ad ded oomplaceutly. "Here is the first take," ho called, . after a moment or two of violently scribbling, aud type began to rattle iuto the sticks with businesslike rapidity. In due time the article was set up, tho proof tukeu, read and corrected, and 4 o'clock iu the aftornoou The Clipper—with a great news "scoop"— was awaiting its eager readers iu the boxes of the postoffiee. Mr. Peters was among the first to get the paper, but without stopping to look at its contents he wended his way home aud tossed the sheet into his ; wife's lap. "Here mother, is the Illuminator," ! his favorite name for The Clipper; "where are the twins?" "I put them to bed," said Mrs. Peters, unfolding the paper, "that they might realizo how naughty they wore this afternoon, but oh! what is this— 'Bingham Peters,' " and with wide distended eyes—horror, indigna tion and amazement in her whole at titude, she began to read the news while it was news and decidedly fresh: "BINGHAM-PETERS." "A very pretty home wedding took place this afternoon at the residence of our esteemed fellow citizeu, Mr. John F. Peters, whose eldest daugh ter, Miss Susan Amelia, was united in marriage to Mr. Charles Gerald Bing ham, a rising young lawyer of Snows ville. "The wedding was a very qniet af fair indeed, only the immediate mem bers of the bride's family being pres ent at the ceremony, which was per formed by Rev. Dr. Hildreth, pistor of the First Church. "The bride, one of Snowsville's fair est daughters, was plainly but most becomingly gowned in n white duck skirt aud pink shirt waist, aud was at tended by her twiu sisters, Pauline and Polly, ivho showered the happy couple with rice as they started away on a carriage trip. "Mr. anl l Mrs. Bingliarn are very popular young people, and The Clip pel' joins their host of friends in ex tending congratulations and good wishes," "Those wretched children," breathed Mrs. Peters, starting to her feet. Panlino and Polly covered their guilty heads with the bed clothes. But the sight of The Clipper turned the direction of her wrath, and she glanced at the item again. "The poor little girl," she groaned, "how could anybody have been so stupid. 'Most becomingly gowned in a white duck skirt and pink shirt waist,'" with sarcastic emphasis. "My daughter married in a shirt waist." "Don't faint, mother, don't. His esteemed fellow-citizen is going right down to interview Editor Dodge, and while I'm gone you can write up his obituary, I'll guarantee that it will be founded on fact, at least. Where's my bat?" But Mrs. Peters was dissolved in tears, and before her husband suc ceeded in finding his head covering, alone and unaided, Susie and young Bingham returned from their ride in a state of satisfaction that even The Clipper was powerless to disturb. Af ter they hail read The Clipper's ac count of their wedding,j Mr. Bingham plucked up courage to propose that they regard it as a prophecy aud pro ceed immediately to fulfill it. Mrs. Peters, in the awkwark cir cumstances tn which they were placed, approved of the idea, and Mr. Peters, after a time, was persuaded to tip his hat at a less murderous-look ing augle, and departed in search ol Parson Hildrelh instead of the moving spirit of the press, while Mr. Bing ham sought the town clerk to procure a license. At the intercession of their sister, the term of imprisonment was short ened for the twins, and they emerged from their temporary confinement in a state of subdued joyousness that found expression in a remark from Polly to the effect that they would play nothing but funeral after this. Tho ceremony was finally performed according to the directions laid down in The Clipper, except as to ([the bride's dress, a change in that par ticular beingstrenuously insisted upon by the bride's mother, and "the popu lar young people" were able to re ceive the congratulations of "their hosts of friends" with a placid smile. But Editor Dodge never really un derstood why Mr. Blngbnm subscribed for The Clipper and paid down ten years in advance, with the remark that he liked to encourage genius, oi why Mr. Peters at tho same time stopped his subscription aud tried for a whole year to exist by borrowing his neighbor's papers.—Atlanta Constitu tion. Tha Effect of Crimo on Trade. "The bromo-seltzer trade is busted temporarily," remarked a down-town druggist. "I suppose as many people get up with headache iu the morning as over, but they don't drown their sorrows in bromo-seltzer, since the Cornish poisoning ease came out. 'Guess I'll get a bottle of seltzer,' remarked a man iu here yesterday. " 'Bromo-seltzer?' queried a friend, as if the very idea gave him a cramp. " 'Er—well, no, I gness I won't,' remarked the first man, as if he recol lected something. Aud he didn't buy it. Curious how people are influ enced by imagination. I'll bet there isn't an anouymons box of candy sent once a day iu Chicago now. The Bot kin case knocked that. People whe send eaudy sign their names to it. Why, one day at luncheon I stepped in and ordered a box of candy sent home. When I got there that evening my wife was in a state of excitement bordering on hysterics. 'Who do you thiulc could have done this, Henry?' she whispered. 'l've saved the wrapper aud the string, and I wouldn't touch a pieco of that caudy for a million dollars.' "Then tho sausago trado was knocked into a cocked hat for nearly a year by the Luetgert trial. I (mow every time my wife suggested sausage for broakfast that winter, I kind of wished she wouldn't mention it."— Chicago Inter-Ocean. Fine Cone Gatherer. Every oue knows what a bright, beautiful fire Is made by burning pine cones, and country people who oan get them use them a good deal. They are almost an impossiblo luxury for oity folk, so thought a Southern wom an who greatly enjoyed her fires of big cones, aud then the idea occurrod to her to collect a quantity of them and ship them to a woman's exchange for sale. She sent in Beveral barrels, and only asked the modest sum of $2 a barrel for them. A few thrown into an open fire will make a merry blaze, and the cones were quickly sold to people who immediately appreciated their value. The Southern woman found her orders increasing almost too rapidly, and has now a regular bnsiuess in supplying pine cones, and one that involves no expense in carry ing it on. Gathering balsam for pil lows is another industry that wontd demand no outlay for a "plant," nnd it would be a pleasant and interesting occupation for healthy girls who liko to tramp the mountains and forests.— New York Tribune. Follatl Jolius. To drive slowly over cobblestones is not a joy, but to drive four Bussiau horses at a gallop over cobblestones was something to make you bite your tongue aud to break your teeth and to shake your very soul from its socket. I most solemnly assure you it was any thiug but a simple drive to oue fresh from the asphalt of Paris, for, like ■Tehu, they drove furiously. Their horses are all wild, runaway beasts, aud thoy drive them nt an unevcu gallop resembling the gait of our fire engine horses at home, except that ours go moro slowly. Sometimes the horses fall down as they drive across country, or stop only for stone walls or moats. The carriages must be built of iron, for the front wheels drop a few feet into a burrow every now and then, aud nt such times an unwary American is liable to be pitohed over the coachman's head. "Hold on with both hands, shut your eyes and keep your tongue from between your teeth" would be my instructions to one about to "take a drive" in Poland.—Wom an's Home Companion. 1 | '" PUZZLE DEPARTMENT. ** j **seK¥i3KsK NeiQiefefeie!e& The solutions to those puzzles will ap peur in a succeeding issue. 03.—A Cliurade. My first is a crowd, either silent or loud; My second's a measure of land. My whole, says my verse, than a battle is worse, Which the dullest can understand, 94.—A Diamond. 1. A consonant in Club. 2. Part j of the face. 3. A kind of cloth. 4. |An iuclo6ure. 5. A consonant in ! Think. 96. Four Pied Cities of South America. 1. Uoncrempab. 2. Raap. 3. Abiha. 4. Aaavlrispo. 90.—An Hour dugs. 1. An army musician. 2. An ani ■ mal. 3. Gomes in winter. 4. A con ! sonant in Club. 5. A little inseot. 6. An appelation. 7. The vogue, j Centrals Down—A famous tragedy. ANSWKKS TO PBEVIUDS ri ZZLES, | 89.—Two Drop-Vowel Proberbs—l. It is better to suffer severely than to } sin slightly. 2. The inward look | should be revealed by the outward j life. | 90.—Four Pied Bivers of the United States—Escambia, Charlotte, Chippe i wa, Francis. I 91.—A Square— MAIL AC B E IB 0 N LEND 92.—A Word Puzzle—Bemain— > mariue-miner-mien men-me. JAPANESE CUSTOMS. Peculiar Practice at Formal Dinners— (jSuoKts Carry Away Scraftg. At the close of formal dinners in Japan the guests are presented with any portion of the meal they may fail to eat. However great or small the amount they may fail to eat, it is I cheerfully wrapped up for them, and they are expected to take it home with them. The unique custom was I followed at official dinners until a short time ago, wheu it was discon tinued, but the withdrawal of Govern ment example has not materially affected the practice. The pluu has j been followed for many years, and it is difficult to place its origin, says the San Francisco Chronicle. Peculiar as the custom is, it is not without its attractive features. The ■ husband who stays out late at night ! can pave the way to wifely pardon i with the neat and tempting parcel ) under his arm. The impecunious or | temporarily embarrassed can hold out ! enough to tide them over several : hungry days. The indulgent father or mother can pass the sweets and carry them home to their children. Half a dozen satisfactory combitia ! tions cau bo worked on tho plan. I There may be all kinds of elaborate ! courses at a dinner that one does not | care for, but the mental struggle of saying no is not half so hard when you know you will get a chauce to i carry the food off, and cither give it to your children, feed it td your dogs I and cats or distribute it among your | friends. The Japanese practice is all I that could be expected. Each kind of food is kept in a separate parcel, and at the close of the dinner the share of each guest is made up in a neat and I artistic bundle. WISE WORDS. From a worldly point of view po liteness is the best stock-in-trade that one can possess. It has opened more doors of advancement than any facul ' ty, genius,or art,because for strangers there is no other way to judge an | other's character than by externals, j Some of the best lessons we ever | learn we learn from our mistakes and | failures. The error of the past is the 1 wisdom and success of the future. | There are few things impossible in i themselves, and the application neces i sary to make them succeed is more of ! ten wanting than the means. ! Tho capacity of sorrow belongs to our ; grandeur; and the loftiest of our race are those who have had the profound -1 est sympathies. When we advance a little into life j wo find that the tongue of man creates ; nearly all the mischief in tho world. | Let your own discretion be your tu ; tor; suit the action to the word, the i word to the action. I To choose time is to save time, and ' an unseasonable motion is but beating I tho air. What appear to be calamities are of ten the sources of fortune. The more perfect tho trust the more | perfect the peace. lltiHkin as ;i Patriarch. | In ail account given by a distiu i guislied man of letters of a recent visit I to Mr. Buskin, this gentleman de scribes Mr. Buskin's appearance as j singularly ennobled by tho long, ' snow-white beard, which descends nearly to tho waist, and give a patriarchal dignity to the iinely molded face. Tho end of lifa llnds Mr. Buskin in a mood of perfeot serenity; the storm aud stress have departed, and all that is left is pure sweetuess aud gentleness. His favor ite oooupatiou is sitting at his window looking on thecului waters of the lake Below. He receives great numbers of letters, But the present day affairs oi this troubled world make little im pression upon hint. HOUSEHOLD AFFAIRS. Queen Victoria's Pancake*. The royal pancakes for Queen Vic toria's table are made as follows; "To eaoh egg allow one ounce of flour, half a gill of milk ar.d one-eighth of a salt spoonful of salt. Whisk them well in a basin, beating the whole into a per fectly smooth batter, which, when ready for frying, should bo like thick cream. Cover the pau thinly with butter. Grate a little lemou rind over the cakes and send sifted sugar and cut lemon to the table with them." The younger members of the family have currants and sultanas in their pancakes. The Return of the Cradle. When physical culture came into vogue and was applied to the up-bring ing of babies the first act of the re formers was to discard the old fash ioned cradle. It was said not to be healthy for the baby to bo subjected to the see-sawing motion of the cradle. Now, a Chicago woman physician has come out with the idea that the baby needs a cradle to get a little exercise and a healthy circulation of the blood. She discarded the cradle for her own children, but for her grandchildren she has grown wiser. {She declares the cradle is not an addler of infantile brains, but only sends the necessary amount of blood to all parts of the body. Something of this theory has made its way into a big babies' hospi tal in New York City, where a doctor has arranged something in the way of a baby exercise.—New York Herald. Car© For Mattrfefscs. The feather bed is, of course, a thing of the past. It is probably not lamented in many quarters, as it is certainly unhealthy, difficult to car© for and not pleasant to sleep on. Mat tresses, blankets, pillows and other articles of bedding, however, require much care to keep odorless and clean. The main enemies to mattresses are dust, damp and moth, and frequent brushing must bo given them, for in an incredibly short time they will har bor dust all alorg the edges and whore the button is fixed. A looso cotton cover over the mattress, made to button neatly at one end, always goes a long way toward keeping it clean. This can bo washed and changed as often as need be without much trouble or expense. It is very important to air all the bedding thor oughly. Every article should be daily taken oil and laid separately over a chair, and a strong current of air should be allowed to circulate through the room before the clothes aro replaced. The mattress should bo turned daily from end to end, as this insures it being worn more evenly, and not sinking in the middle. Blankets are a dilficully to many people mostly because they cannot make up their minds as to how often thoy should bo wimbed, or how they should be treated. In many houses they aro washed only once a year, but somehow this does seem rather too rare a proceeding. On the other hand, it is roailyuot necessary to have them washed more than twice a week; but they must have proper care in the interval iu the shape of airing, shak ing, etc. A washing machine is very good for the purpose, as they should never bo rnbbeu by the hand. The water should be only lukewarm, and a little soap well lathered in the water is all that will bo required. Wring the blankets very dry through a wringer, them out, and wash again in the saino way, wringing each time, until they are quite clean. Do not rinse them, but pull them into shape, and hang theyn out in the sun, which is a great help to preserving a good color.—Now York Ledger. Recipes. Fried Bananas—Peel the bananas, cut them in halves and steep for an hour in a syrup of sugar and water, then drain, roll in flour and fry in hot fat. Reduce the syrup to a thick sauce and serve with the banauas. Fried Parsnips—After boiling let them get cold and cut iu slices about a third of au iuch thick. Season with salt and pepper, > Dip in melted but ter, then in Hour. Have two or three tablespoonfuls of butter, lard or beef drippings in a frying pau and as soon as hot fry the slices brown on both sides, and eerve. Lunch Bolls—Sift together one pint of flour, one teaspoonful baking powder and half a teaspoonful of salt; work in one teaspoonful of lard or butter and add one-half piut of milk; mix to a smooth dough, roll out to half an iuch thickness, and cut into circular shapes. Bake in a moderate oven. Creamed Cabbage—Remove the out side leaves from a small, firm head of cabbage and out the remainder us liuo as for slaw, then stew iu a covered stewpau until tender. Drain off the water, add a half cupful of rieh cream, n dessertspoonful butter, popper aud salt to taste. Simmer three minutes and serve. Sardine Salad—Take two boxes of best sardines and arrange oil a platter, For dressing 'take the yolk of fottr hard-boiled eggs, put ill a bowl and rub to a paste; add a ta'olcapoouful of prepared mustard, threo of vinegar, a teaspoonful of sugar and a little eayeuno. Mix u-01l together and pour over the sardines. Garnish with sliced lemon. Queen of Dumplings—Two cups of flour, half teaspoonfnl of salt, two teaspoonfuls of baking powder, one cup sweet milk. Beat the batter vigorously for five minutes. Put one scant teaspoonful of dough in a cus tard oup, add twice the bulk of fruit good, quick-cooking apples are best more dough and more fruit, alternat ing till the cup is three-quarters full. Put the cupß in a steamer, covet tightly and steam fifty minutes. Serve with auy sauce preferred. THE MEKEY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. | Her Glorious Opportunity—A Juvenll* Jest—A Self-Evlrient Cuse—lf One Could Choose—A Serious Case Only For Hoiue Use—Calls For Prosecution, Etc. "Where are you going, O gentle maid?" "I'm going to the hospital, sir," she said. "And why to the hospital, gentle maid?" "To be a nurse, kind sir," she said. "Why bo a nurse?" Hor cheeks went rod;. Bhe gently sighed and hung her head. "My nursing there may be repaid By a chance to get married, sir," she said. —Chicago News. If One Could Choose. ! "I think a man should be allowed | to choose his own calling." i "Certainly. If I could choose mine, it would be 9 or 10 o'clock instead of 7." Only For Home Use. i "Jobbins tells me he has just bought a houseboat." "Why, I didn't know he had money enough for that!" "Oh, yes! This one is for his cellar." A Juvenile Jcnt. Sunday-school Teacher "Now, little boys, what do you know about' I Goliath?" Freddy Fangle—"Please, mu'aiu, he was rocked to sleep."—Harlem Life. A Self-Evident Case. "Why do you think she must have picked up her musical education her self?" "When she sings I can understand i nearly every word she says."—Chi cago News. A Serious Case. Y'oung Mother—"Wake up! Quick! Quick! You must ran for the doctor." Young Father—"Eli? Vv'hat's the matter?" Y'oung Mother—"Baby has stopped smiling iu her sleep."—New York Weekly. Calls F..1- Prosecution. "If society is really a great matri monial market," he said reflectively, "some proseouting attorney ought to get after it." "For what?" "Why, just think of the swindles perpetrated."—Chicago Post. Aii Extract From u Novel. Our traveler felt that his com panion was beneath him, and secretly desired a separation.—Life. G<ot Her Money'* Worth. "Well,V said the landlady, "I have just finished paying the plumber for thawing tine water pipes. It soems like an imposition." "But you il' ust admit," said the Cheerful Idiot, "that he gave you a run for your money. Minneapolis Journal. All JSxlilbilinn of Boy Manner.. Mabel—"l'll never invite Fan Billi wink to a box party at tte theatre again as long as I live' Never!" Maud —-"Doesn't sin ,v how to behave?" Mabel—"No. She keeps saying: ■Hush! I want to hear the play .' " Chicago Tribune. A Subject For Sober KetlecUon. "My dear," said Mis Heupeok, "I'm positive that our George is think ing seriously of matrimony,'' "Well, I only hope so," returned Ilenpeck, with unnsual spirit., "I wouldn't want any hoy of miu. to be so unfortunate as to regard ill as a joke."—Philadelphia Record. Iu Unsuspected fuck. "I have just learned," shrt said, with a perceptible tinge of asperity, "that I am the ninth girl to whom you have beau engaged." "Well," he suavely replied', "that ought to make you glad." "Glad!" she exclaimed. "'l'd like to know why?" "Don't you know," he answered, "that there's luck iu odd numbers?" —Chicago Daily News. , Concerning tbo World. The man was saying all sorts of un kind things about sevorcd people who hadn't treated him fairly in a certain business venture. "Don't talk so, dear," remonstrated his good wife. "Be more charitable. Yon know it's lovo that makes the world go round." "Is it?" he snapped. "Well, I wish it would make it go square for awhile."—Detroit, Free Press.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers