Freeiand Tribune
Established 1888.
PUI3LISUEB EVERY
MONDAY AND THURSDAY,
BY THE
fRIBUNE PRINTING COMPANY, Limited
Orvicß: MAIN STREET ABOVE CENTRE.
FREELAND, FA.
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to the Tribun< Printing Company, Limited.
Among "Dreyfus' grievances is the
fact that he has inspired and adver
tised a great deal of literature on !
which he will never be able to collect >
any royalties.
American people should no longer ! i
plead ignorance of Cuba. Puerto Rico, j \
Guam or the Philippines, Besides
the numberless books that have ap- j
peared within the past few months,the
newspapers fairly team with articles
descriptive of the history, manners
and customs of these several islands.
In a recent publication of the Mass
achusetts Prison association, a strong
plea is made for the proposed legisla
tion looking forward to complete state
control of penal institutions; that is,
of the placing of the county prisons
as well as a number of reformatory in
stitutions under the control oi a state
board. One of the main reasons urged
for this change is that it will secure a I
classification of all the prisoners of
the state.
The British Railway association has <
arranged to send five prominent rail- 1
way officials to the United States to *
investigate the facts upon which the (
government bases the bill compelling 1
Ihe adoption of automatic coupling— 1
a measure which would give the board j
of trade power, live years from its '
adoption, to compel British railroads
to supply the whole of their rolling
stock with this device, at an esti
mated cost of §30,000,000.
Scotland is about to receive its first
lot of American steel rails, a cargo of
500 tons having just been shipped
from Sparrow's Point, Md., to Glas
gow. This installment is part of an
order for 33,000 tons for the Caledo
nian railway,and it marks the farthest
advance of American steel products
into England's home market. The
expansion of this branch of American
industry is strikingly illustrated by
the fact that at the wharves of this
Dne establishment in Maryland vessels
are loading with steel rails for Scot
laud on the East and Australia on
the West.
Professor Griudley of the Universi
ty of Illinois has written Senator Cul
tom expressing his great interest in
the establishment of a bureau of do
mestic science to foster the investiga
tion of foods, particularly with refer
ence to their preparation for use in
the household. He says that univer
sity has for some years given attention
to this lino of investigation, and re
cently, in connection with the depart
ment of agriculture, has been making
a series of studies of tbe composition
nutritive value, digestibility and cost
of the food supplies of the people of
Illinois. "We are now studying the
best methods for the preparation of
meats for the table," he writes, "de
termining also the losses involved and
the changes produced in the different
methods of cooking. The informa
tion that is being obtained as a result
of these investigations will he of much
practical value to the people of the
state. The citizens of Illinois have
become much interested in our inves
tigations and are constantly asking for
more definite information upon this
and allied subjects. It is highly de
sirable that these and similar investi
gations be continued and their scope i
extended, as they may be in case
proper provision be made for the pur
pose."
Europe's Oldest Colony.
Iceland is the oldest colony possess
ed by any European country. It ha:-:
belonged to Denmark since 1389. Orig
inally colonized by Norwegians in 874,
it remained a republic till 1392, when it
became subject to the Norwegian
erown. In 1389 Norway and Denmark
■were united, and whon these two king
doms separated Iceland remained
Danish. a
Wliy She IJl<l It.
"Why is It," they asked, "that you
let your husband have his own way in
everything?" "Because," she replied,
"I like to have some one to blame
when things go wrong."—Boston Jour
nal.
THE SEARCH.
Upon ray heart these vernal days,
The longing keen takes hold
To seek, afar from trodden ways,
The morn's new-minted gold.
I grasp my palmer's hazel staff,
And blithely hie rae where
The uriel bluebird's lyric laugh
Goes rippling down the air.
I find within the sky no flaw,
And all the earth to me
Is tuned to one ecstatic Jaw,
The law of harmony.
And rising from the dewy land
Before ray questing eyes,
A little flower, divinely planned,
In virgin beauty lies.
Plucking this boon of earth aud air,
Iu hand and heart I hold
My own Inalienable share
Of morn's new-minted gold.
—Clinton Kcollard.
GOOCOOGOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOO
1 HOW THE CLIPPER I
I GOT THE NEWS. §
o„ o
OOOOOOOOOOQCSOOOOO3OCOOOOOCJ
tHOSE enter
prising twins,
Pauline ami
Polly Peters,
aged seven,
bail just seen
a wedding for
tho first time
in their short
lives, and
' n reproduc
jy Sj V ing the event
* \ best of
their remem
brance.
Paulino, with a preternatural solemn
air, held a last year's almanao in her
hand and figured as the officiating
clergyman, while Polly, with a piece
of mosquito netting over her head and
a bouquet of baohelor buttons in her
lianc\, was the bride.
The most impressive part of tfie
ceremony, to their minds, was the
throwing of. rice and old shoes after
the departing couple, and the insur
mountable difficulty of introducing
this feature into their reproduction
caused them much distress.
A bride, Polly complained, couldn't
very well throw rice at herself, and,as
Pauline thought it needed a hack or
some kind of a conveyance to make the
thing complete, it was at last reluc
tantly decided to omit this most inter
esting part of the marriage.
The wedding procession, conspicu
ous for a trifling oversight in the mat
ter of a bridegroom, was on the point
of starting down the barn, where the
event was taking place, when a young
man drove into the yard and, hitching
his horse, rang the bell to inquire for
the twins' grown up sister.
For a minute the children gazed at
each other as tho door opened to re
ceive him, then a brilliant idea struck
them simultaneously. Off came Polly's
veil aud down want Pauline's book.
"That's Charley Bingham oome to
take sister to ride," gasped Polly,
dancing up aud down in delight.
"I know it," said Pauline excited
ly, "and we haven't a minute to lose.
You run right up to the house and get
all the rice you cau, and I'll borrow
some of the neighbors."
"Oh, Mrs. Herriok," she panted
breathlessly, a few seconds later, as
she rushed into that lady's door,
"won't you please let me have some
rice?"
"Why, child, what do you want of
rice? You are not having a wedding
at your house, are you?"
"Yes, ma'am, and please hurry, or
it will bo too late."
"But who is it for?"
"For sister Sue," shouted Pauline,
who was iu too much of a hurry to
stop for elaborate explanations, and
raced back to meet Polly, who had
had the good luolc to find a hag of the
stuff which the grocer had left on the
kitchen table.
"Well, haven't they kept that pretty
quiet?" inquired Mrs. Herriok of her
caller, Mrs. Smith, as she picked up
her knitting, and both ladies drew
their chairs to the windows on the
side next the Peters's house to watoh
the course of events more closely.
"There goes Parson Hildretlil" ex
olaimed Mrs. Smith; and sure enongh
that reverend gentleman was seen
coming down the steps next door, hav
ing made a call upon the twins'
father.
''l thought that would be a match
sometime; but what are those children
doing now?"
Pauliue and Polly, in their stocking
feet, were tying white hair ribbons to
the horses' foretops, and two pairs of
small shoes were seen dangling under
the carriage. There had been no
time to hunt up cast-off symbols of
good luck, so the twins had hastily di
vested themselves of their own foot
gear, and only mourned that there
weren't ceutipedes when they viewed
the smallness of the collection.
The little girls had barely finished
tying the laHt knot and skipped into
the barn after their bags of rice when
Mr. Bingham came out to get his
team. He was a desperately shy
young man aud not ospocially observ
ing. Being slightly agitated, too, it
is doubtful whether he would have
uoticed had his horse turned into a
prancing zebra during his absence,
and it is not strange that the ribbons
and other decorations failed to attract
his attention.
Pretty Miss Susie Peters next ap
peared to take her plaoe in the oar
riage, and Mr. Bingham had Just
gathered up the reins preparatory to
a start when a cloud-burst of rice en
veloped them, the carriage, the horse,
and a good share of the people on the
street.
The horse, a nervous animal, start
ed with a jump, and further irritated
by the fluttering ribbons before his
eyes, swept down tho street at a run
away pace. Tho shoes swung back
and forth under the carriage for some
distanco, but finally dropped off in
front of the office of The Snowville
Clipper, a country weekly whose force
lived up to the motto, "All the news
while it is news, while it, is fresh."
Editor Dodge, who had a lively
realization of the fact that eternal
vigilance is the price of items, cast
his eagle eye out of the window in
time to note tjie occupants of the fly
ing carriago, the rice and the shoes in
front of his office door.
"Hold on, John," he called to the
foreman, who had just finished mak
ing up the paper, "unlock the last
form and take cut half a column of
matter; I will be back in a few min
utes with something to fill in."
So saying he rushed out, and strid
ing up-street met by chance the very
lady who had been visiting Mrs.
Herriok that afternoon.
"Hoard about tbo wedding?" she
asked him, as he drew near.
"No; but was just going to find out
about it," ho answered. "Young
Binghnm and Susio Peters, wasn't it?"
"Yes; I was next door during the
ceremony, and it was tho quietest
thing in the way of a wedding I ever
heard of. Mrs. Peters likes so much
style that I reckoned she would want
to make considerable of a spread when
Susie was married."
"Who married them?"
"Parson Eildreth, aud he was tho
only person there outside the family.
I don't believe their nearest neighbors
would have known anything about it
if it hadn't been for the twins. They
were on hand with their rice and old
shoes aud gave the couple a good send
off."
"What was her dress?" queried
Dodge, jotting down tho points as fast
as his gs,vrulous informant brought
them out.
"Well, she did have on the queer
est rig for a bride —a white duck skirt,,
pink shiit waist and a plain white
sailor hat. She looked real sweet,
though, aud as they were evidently
going away on a carriage trip it was
well enough, but not what you would
expect from Mrs. Peters's daughter.
No one would suspect from her dress,
though, that she was a bride, and that
is probably what she intended."
"Thank you ever so much, Mrs.
Smith," said Dodge; "meeting you has
saved rue lots of trouble."
Back he hurried to tho office with
gratification so plainly depicted upon
his countenance that the idlers in the
square, as the business part of the
town was called, wondered what
"Hustler" Dodge had got onto now to
make him look so happy, and several
old farmers, who had driven down to
the village to do some trading, decided
to wait until after the paper was out
before going home; "the women folks
would like to read the news," they
thought,
"Now, girls, wake up," said the edi
tor as he blew iuto the office, "and set
this copy as fast as you cau; wo have
only ten minutes to spare, and it
won't do to miss the mails; people are
too anxious to'get The Clipper," he ad
ded oomplaceutly. "Here is the first
take," ho called, . after a moment or
two of violently scribbling, aud type
began to rattle iuto the sticks with
businesslike rapidity.
In due time the article was set up,
tho proof tukeu, read and corrected,
and 4 o'clock iu the aftornoou The
Clipper—with a great news "scoop"—
was awaiting its eager readers iu the
boxes of the postoffiee.
Mr. Peters was among the first to
get the paper, but without stopping to
look at its contents he wended his way
home aud tossed the sheet into his
; wife's lap.
"Here mother, is the Illuminator,"
! his favorite name for The Clipper;
"where are the twins?"
"I put them to bed," said Mrs.
Peters, unfolding the paper, "that
they might realizo how naughty they
wore this afternoon, but oh! what is
this— 'Bingham Peters,' " and with
wide distended eyes—horror, indigna
tion and amazement in her whole at
titude, she began to read the news
while it was news and decidedly
fresh:
"BINGHAM-PETERS."
"A very pretty home wedding took
place this afternoon at the residence
of our esteemed fellow citizeu, Mr.
John F. Peters, whose eldest daugh
ter, Miss Susan Amelia, was united in
marriage to Mr. Charles Gerald Bing
ham, a rising young lawyer of Snows
ville.
"The wedding was a very qniet af
fair indeed, only the immediate mem
bers of the bride's family being pres
ent at the ceremony, which was per
formed by Rev. Dr. Hildreth, pistor
of the First Church.
"The bride, one of Snowsville's fair
est daughters, was plainly but most
becomingly gowned in n white duck
skirt aud pink shirt waist, aud was at
tended by her twiu sisters, Pauline
and Polly, ivho showered the happy
couple with rice as they started away
on a carriage trip.
"Mr. anl l Mrs. Bingliarn are very
popular young people, and The Clip
pel' joins their host of friends in ex
tending congratulations and good
wishes,"
"Those wretched children," breathed
Mrs. Peters, starting to her feet.
Panlino and Polly covered their
guilty heads with the bed clothes.
But the sight of The Clipper turned
the direction of her wrath, and she
glanced at the item again.
"The poor little girl," she groaned,
"how could anybody have been so
stupid. 'Most becomingly gowned in
a white duck skirt and pink shirt
waist,'" with sarcastic emphasis.
"My daughter married in a shirt
waist."
"Don't faint, mother, don't. His
esteemed fellow-citizen is going right
down to interview Editor Dodge, and
while I'm gone you can write up his
obituary, I'll guarantee that it will be
founded on fact, at least. Where's
my bat?"
But Mrs. Peters was dissolved in
tears, and before her husband suc
ceeded in finding his head covering,
alone and unaided, Susie and young
Bingham returned from their ride in
a state of satisfaction that even The
Clipper was powerless to disturb. Af
ter they hail read The Clipper's ac
count of their wedding,j Mr. Bingham
plucked up courage to propose that
they regard it as a prophecy aud pro
ceed immediately to fulfill it.
Mrs. Peters, in the awkwark cir
cumstances tn which they were
placed, approved of the idea, and Mr.
Peters, after a time, was persuaded to
tip his hat at a less murderous-look
ing augle, and departed in search ol
Parson Hildrelh instead of the moving
spirit of the press, while Mr. Bing
ham sought the town clerk to procure
a license.
At the intercession of their sister,
the term of imprisonment was short
ened for the twins, and they emerged
from their temporary confinement in a
state of subdued joyousness that found
expression in a remark from Polly to
the effect that they would play nothing
but funeral after this.
Tho ceremony was finally performed
according to the directions laid down
in The Clipper, except as to ([the
bride's dress, a change in that par
ticular beingstrenuously insisted upon
by the bride's mother, and "the popu
lar young people" were able to re
ceive the congratulations of "their
hosts of friends" with a placid smile.
But Editor Dodge never really un
derstood why Mr. Blngbnm subscribed
for The Clipper and paid down ten
years in advance, with the remark
that he liked to encourage genius, oi
why Mr. Peters at tho same time
stopped his subscription aud tried for
a whole year to exist by borrowing his
neighbor's papers.—Atlanta Constitu
tion.
Tha Effect of Crimo on Trade.
"The bromo-seltzer trade is busted
temporarily," remarked a down-town
druggist.
"I suppose as many people get up
with headache iu the morning as over,
but they don't drown their sorrows in
bromo-seltzer, since the Cornish
poisoning ease came out. 'Guess I'll
get a bottle of seltzer,' remarked a
man iu here yesterday.
" 'Bromo-seltzer?' queried a friend,
as if the very idea gave him a cramp.
" 'Er—well, no, I gness I won't,'
remarked the first man, as if he recol
lected something. Aud he didn't buy
it. Curious how people are influ
enced by imagination. I'll bet there
isn't an anouymons box of candy sent
once a day iu Chicago now. The Bot
kin case knocked that. People whe
send eaudy sign their names to it.
Why, one day at luncheon I stepped
in and ordered a box of candy sent
home. When I got there that evening
my wife was in a state of excitement
bordering on hysterics. 'Who do you
thiulc could have done this, Henry?'
she whispered. 'l've saved the
wrapper aud the string, and I
wouldn't touch a pieco of that caudy
for a million dollars.'
"Then tho sausago trado was
knocked into a cocked hat for nearly
a year by the Luetgert trial. I (mow
every time my wife suggested sausage
for broakfast that winter, I kind of
wished she wouldn't mention it."—
Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Fine Cone Gatherer.
Every oue knows what a bright,
beautiful fire Is made by burning pine
cones, and country people who oan
get them use them a good deal. They
are almost an impossiblo luxury for
oity folk, so thought a Southern wom
an who greatly enjoyed her fires of big
cones, aud then the idea occurrod to
her to collect a quantity of them and
ship them to a woman's exchange for
sale. She sent in Beveral barrels, and
only asked the modest sum of $2 a
barrel for them. A few thrown into
an open fire will make a merry blaze,
and the cones were quickly sold to
people who immediately appreciated
their value. The Southern woman
found her orders increasing almost
too rapidly, and has now a regular
bnsiuess in supplying pine cones, and
one that involves no expense in carry
ing it on. Gathering balsam for pil
lows is another industry that wontd
demand no outlay for a "plant," nnd
it would be a pleasant and interesting
occupation for healthy girls who liko
to tramp the mountains and forests.—
New York Tribune.
Follatl Jolius.
To drive slowly over cobblestones
is not a joy, but to drive four Bussiau
horses at a gallop over cobblestones
was something to make you bite your
tongue aud to break your teeth and to
shake your very soul from its socket.
I most solemnly assure you it was any
thiug but a simple drive to oue fresh
from the asphalt of Paris, for, like
■Tehu, they drove furiously. Their
horses are all wild, runaway beasts,
aud thoy drive them nt an unevcu
gallop resembling the gait of our fire
engine horses at home, except that
ours go moro slowly. Sometimes the
horses fall down as they drive across
country, or stop only for stone walls
or moats. The carriages must be built
of iron, for the front wheels drop a
few feet into a burrow every now and
then, aud nt such times an unwary
American is liable to be pitohed over
the coachman's head. "Hold on with
both hands, shut your eyes and keep
your tongue from between your teeth"
would be my instructions to one about
to "take a drive" in Poland.—Wom
an's Home Companion.
1 | '" PUZZLE DEPARTMENT. **
j **seK¥i3KsK NeiQiefefeie!e&
The solutions to those puzzles will ap
peur in a succeeding issue.
03.—A Cliurade.
My first is a crowd, either silent or loud;
My second's a measure of land.
My whole, says my verse, than a battle is
worse,
Which the dullest can understand,
94.—A Diamond.
1. A consonant in Club. 2. Part
j of the face. 3. A kind of cloth. 4.
|An iuclo6ure. 5. A consonant in
! Think.
96. Four Pied Cities of South America.
1. Uoncrempab. 2. Raap. 3.
Abiha. 4. Aaavlrispo.
90.—An Hour dugs.
1. An army musician. 2. An ani
■ mal. 3. Gomes in winter. 4. A con
! sonant in Club. 5. A little inseot. 6.
An appelation. 7. The vogue,
j Centrals Down—A famous tragedy.
ANSWKKS TO PBEVIUDS ri ZZLES,
| 89.—Two Drop-Vowel Proberbs—l.
It is better to suffer severely than to
} sin slightly. 2. The inward look
| should be revealed by the outward
j life.
| 90.—Four Pied Bivers of the United
States—Escambia, Charlotte, Chippe
i wa, Francis.
I 91.—A Square—
MAIL
AC B E
IB 0 N
LEND
92.—A Word Puzzle—Bemain—
> mariue-miner-mien men-me.
JAPANESE CUSTOMS.
Peculiar Practice at Formal Dinners—
(jSuoKts Carry Away Scraftg.
At the close of formal dinners in
Japan the guests are presented with
any portion of the meal they may fail
to eat. However great or small the
amount they may fail to eat, it is
I cheerfully wrapped up for them, and
they are expected to take it home
with them. The unique custom was
I followed at official dinners until a
short time ago, wheu it was discon
tinued, but the withdrawal of Govern
ment example has not materially
affected the practice. The pluu has
j been followed for many years, and it
is difficult to place its origin, says the
San Francisco Chronicle.
Peculiar as the custom is, it is not
without its attractive features. The
■ husband who stays out late at night
! can pave the way to wifely pardon
i with the neat and tempting parcel
) under his arm. The impecunious or
| temporarily embarrassed can hold out
! enough to tide them over several
: hungry days. The indulgent father
or mother can pass the sweets and
carry them home to their children.
Half a dozen satisfactory combitia
! tions cau bo worked on tho plan.
I There may be all kinds of elaborate
! courses at a dinner that one does not
| care for, but the mental struggle of
saying no is not half so hard when
you know you will get a chauce to
i carry the food off, and cither give it
to your children, feed it td your dogs
I and cats or distribute it among your
| friends. The Japanese practice is all
I that could be expected. Each kind of
food is kept in a separate parcel, and
at the close of the dinner the share of
each guest is made up in a neat and
I artistic bundle.
WISE WORDS.
From a worldly point of view po
liteness is the best stock-in-trade that
one can possess. It has opened more
doors of advancement than any facul
' ty, genius,or art,because for strangers
there is no other way to judge an
| other's character than by externals,
j Some of the best lessons we ever
| learn we learn from our mistakes and
| failures. The error of the past is the
1 wisdom and success of the future.
| There are few things impossible in
i themselves, and the application neces
i sary to make them succeed is more of
! ten wanting than the means.
! Tho capacity of sorrow belongs to our
; grandeur; and the loftiest of our race
are those who have had the profound
-1 est sympathies.
When we advance a little into life
j wo find that the tongue of man creates
; nearly all the mischief in tho world.
| Let your own discretion be your tu
; tor; suit the action to the word, the
i word to the action.
I To choose time is to save time, and
' an unseasonable motion is but beating
I tho air.
What appear to be calamities are of
ten the sources of fortune.
The more perfect tho trust the more
| perfect the peace.
lltiHkin as ;i Patriarch.
| In ail account given by a distiu
i guislied man of letters of a recent visit
I to Mr. Buskin, this gentleman de
scribes Mr. Buskin's appearance as
j singularly ennobled by tho long,
' snow-white beard, which descends
nearly to tho waist, and give a
patriarchal dignity to the iinely
molded face. Tho end of lifa llnds
Mr. Buskin in a mood of perfeot
serenity; the storm aud stress have
departed, and all that is left is pure
sweetuess aud gentleness. His favor
ite oooupatiou is sitting at his window
looking on thecului waters of the lake
Below. He receives great numbers of
letters, But the present day affairs oi
this troubled world make little im
pression upon hint.
HOUSEHOLD AFFAIRS.
Queen Victoria's Pancake*.
The royal pancakes for Queen Vic
toria's table are made as follows; "To
eaoh egg allow one ounce of flour, half
a gill of milk ar.d one-eighth of a salt
spoonful of salt. Whisk them well in
a basin, beating the whole into a per
fectly smooth batter, which, when
ready for frying, should bo like thick
cream. Cover the pau thinly with
butter. Grate a little lemou rind over
the cakes and send sifted sugar and
cut lemon to the table with them."
The younger members of the family
have currants and sultanas in their
pancakes.
The Return of the Cradle.
When physical culture came into
vogue and was applied to the up-bring
ing of babies the first act of the re
formers was to discard the old fash
ioned cradle. It was said not to be
healthy for the baby to bo subjected
to the see-sawing motion of the cradle.
Now, a Chicago woman physician has
come out with the idea that the baby
needs a cradle to get a little exercise
and a healthy circulation of the blood.
She discarded the cradle for her own
children, but for her grandchildren
she has grown wiser. {She declares
the cradle is not an addler of infantile
brains, but only sends the necessary
amount of blood to all parts of the
body. Something of this theory has
made its way into a big babies' hospi
tal in New York City, where a doctor
has arranged something in the way of
a baby exercise.—New York Herald.
Car© For Mattrfefscs.
The feather bed is, of course, a
thing of the past. It is probably not
lamented in many quarters, as it is
certainly unhealthy, difficult to car©
for and not pleasant to sleep on. Mat
tresses, blankets, pillows and other
articles of bedding, however, require
much care to keep odorless and clean.
The main enemies to mattresses are
dust, damp and moth, and frequent
brushing must bo given them, for in
an incredibly short time they will har
bor dust all alorg the edges and
whore the button is fixed. A looso
cotton cover over the mattress, made
to button neatly at one end, always
goes a long way toward keeping it
clean. This can bo washed and
changed as often as need be without
much trouble or expense. It is very
important to air all the bedding thor
oughly. Every article should be daily
taken oil and laid separately over a
chair, and a strong current of air
should be allowed to circulate
through the room before the clothes
aro replaced. The mattress should
bo turned daily from end to end, as
this insures it being worn more evenly,
and not sinking in the middle.
Blankets are a dilficully to many
people mostly because they cannot
make up their minds as to how often
thoy should bo wimbed, or how they
should be treated. In many houses
they aro washed only once a year, but
somehow this does seem rather too
rare a proceeding. On the other
hand, it is roailyuot necessary to have
them washed more than twice a week;
but they must have proper care in the
interval iu the shape of airing, shak
ing, etc. A washing machine is very
good for the purpose, as
they should never bo rnbbeu by the
hand. The water should be only
lukewarm, and a little soap well
lathered in the water is all that will
bo required. Wring the blankets
very dry through a wringer,
them out, and wash again in the saino
way, wringing each time, until they
are quite clean. Do not rinse them,
but pull them into shape, and hang
theyn out in the sun, which is a great
help to preserving a good color.—Now
York Ledger.
Recipes.
Fried Bananas—Peel the bananas,
cut them in halves and steep for an
hour in a syrup of sugar and water,
then drain, roll in flour and fry in hot
fat. Reduce the syrup to a thick
sauce and serve with the banauas.
Fried Parsnips—After boiling let
them get cold and cut iu slices about
a third of au iuch thick. Season with
salt and pepper, > Dip in melted but
ter, then in Hour. Have two or three
tablespoonfuls of butter, lard or beef
drippings in a frying pau and as soon
as hot fry the slices brown on both
sides, and eerve.
Lunch Bolls—Sift together one pint
of flour, one teaspoonful baking
powder and half a teaspoonful of
salt; work in one teaspoonful of lard
or butter and add one-half piut of
milk; mix to a smooth dough, roll out
to half an iuch thickness, and cut into
circular shapes. Bake in a moderate
oven.
Creamed Cabbage—Remove the out
side leaves from a small, firm head of
cabbage and out the remainder us liuo
as for slaw, then stew iu a covered
stewpau until tender. Drain off the
water, add a half cupful of rieh cream,
n dessertspoonful butter, popper aud
salt to taste. Simmer three minutes
and serve.
Sardine Salad—Take two boxes of
best sardines and arrange oil a platter,
For dressing 'take the yolk of fottr
hard-boiled eggs, put ill a bowl and
rub to a paste; add a ta'olcapoouful of
prepared mustard, threo of vinegar, a
teaspoonful of sugar and a little
eayeuno. Mix u-01l together and pour
over the sardines. Garnish with sliced
lemon.
Queen of Dumplings—Two cups of
flour, half teaspoonfnl of salt, two
teaspoonfuls of baking powder, one
cup sweet milk. Beat the batter
vigorously for five minutes. Put one
scant teaspoonful of dough in a cus
tard oup, add twice the bulk of fruit
good, quick-cooking apples are best
more dough and more fruit, alternat
ing till the cup is three-quarters full.
Put the cupß in a steamer, covet
tightly and steam fifty minutes.
Serve with auy sauce preferred.
THE MEKEY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
| Her Glorious Opportunity—A Juvenll*
Jest—A Self-Evlrient Cuse—lf One Could
Choose—A Serious Case Only For
Hoiue Use—Calls For Prosecution, Etc.
"Where are you going, O gentle maid?"
"I'm going to the hospital, sir," she said.
"And why to the hospital, gentle maid?"
"To be a nurse, kind sir," she said.
"Why bo a nurse?" Hor cheeks went rod;.
Bhe gently sighed and hung her head.
"My nursing there may be repaid
By a chance to get married, sir," she said.
—Chicago News.
If One Could Choose.
! "I think a man should be allowed
| to choose his own calling."
i "Certainly. If I could choose mine,
it would be 9 or 10 o'clock instead
of 7."
Only For Home Use.
i "Jobbins tells me he has just bought
a houseboat."
"Why, I didn't know he had money
enough for that!"
"Oh, yes! This one is for his cellar."
A Juvenile Jcnt.
Sunday-school Teacher "Now,
little boys, what do you know about'
I Goliath?"
Freddy Fangle—"Please, mu'aiu,
he was rocked to sleep."—Harlem
Life.
A Self-Evident Case.
"Why do you think she must have
picked up her musical education her
self?"
"When she sings I can understand
i nearly every word she says."—Chi
cago News.
A Serious Case.
Y'oung Mother—"Wake up! Quick!
Quick! You must ran for the doctor."
Young Father—"Eli? Vv'hat's the
matter?"
Y'oung Mother—"Baby has stopped
smiling iu her sleep."—New York
Weekly.
Calls F..1- Prosecution.
"If society is really a great matri
monial market," he said reflectively,
"some proseouting attorney ought to
get after it."
"For what?"
"Why, just think of the swindles
perpetrated."—Chicago Post.
Aii Extract From u Novel.
Our traveler felt that his com
panion was beneath him, and secretly
desired a separation.—Life.
G<ot Her Money'* Worth.
"Well,V said the landlady, "I have
just finished paying the plumber for
thawing tine water pipes. It soems
like an imposition."
"But you il' ust admit," said the
Cheerful Idiot, "that he gave you a
run for your money. Minneapolis
Journal.
All JSxlilbilinn of Boy Manner..
Mabel—"l'll never invite Fan Billi
wink to a box party at tte theatre
again as long as I live' Never!"
Maud —-"Doesn't sin ,v how to
behave?"
Mabel—"No. She keeps saying:
■Hush! I want to hear the play .' "
Chicago Tribune.
A Subject For Sober KetlecUon.
"My dear," said Mis Heupeok,
"I'm positive that our George is think
ing seriously of matrimony,''
"Well, I only hope so," returned
Ilenpeck, with unnsual spirit., "I
wouldn't want any hoy of miu. to be
so unfortunate as to regard ill as a
joke."—Philadelphia Record.
Iu Unsuspected fuck.
"I have just learned," shrt said,
with a perceptible tinge of asperity,
"that I am the ninth girl to whom you
have beau engaged."
"Well," he suavely replied', "that
ought to make you glad."
"Glad!" she exclaimed. "'l'd like
to know why?"
"Don't you know," he answered,
"that there's luck iu odd numbers?"
—Chicago Daily News. ,
Concerning tbo World.
The man was saying all sorts of un
kind things about sevorcd people who
hadn't treated him fairly in a certain
business venture.
"Don't talk so, dear," remonstrated
his good wife. "Be more charitable.
Yon know it's lovo that makes the
world go round."
"Is it?" he snapped. "Well, I wish
it would make it go square for
awhile."—Detroit, Free Press.