France ia the onlvEuropean country which has to-day fewer able men than it had thirty years ago. j ' There have been no train or stage robberies in California Binee that State declared those offenses to be capital ' The Sou Francisco Examiner thinks ] that the tendency of the ministers of the Gospel to fiud their text in the daily paper is not to be censured. V A correspondent who has made a Study of the subject, saya there are 51,000 breweries in the world, and that Germany heads the list with 26,1110. In India the work of Christian En deavor is being vigorously pushed snd the constitution, which is now trans- j lated into six of the languages of In dia. is being largely circulated. The New York Observer remarks It is u well known fact that child life Sn the city is at a disadvantage as com pared with a rural environment, but we were hardly prepared for the state ment that "the 'expectation of life' at the birth of a child in central Man chaster is twelve years less than that 1 of a child in the whole of England and ■Wales." The statement is appalling. The late Lucy Stone was the eighth of nine children, and the night before her birth her mother milked eight cows. When she learned the child's eex she said: "Oh, dear, I'm sorry it's a girl—a woman's life is so hard!" liiicy, even when yet a child, adds the Detroit Free Press, became indignant at the injustice done to women by the world and resolved with infantile •spirit to remedy the matter when she grew up. The opening of the Manchester ship canal, which has been arranged for the Ist of January, is a very important matter in the South, declares the At lanta Constitution. Three-fourths of the cotton consumed in Great Britain Is taken in the Manchester district, and within carting distance of the Manchester docks. The cotton spin ners of that ilistrict have signed, or are signing, a circular informing the growers and shippers of the United States that in purchasing they will give preference to cotton shipped direct to Manchester, fn addition to this the saving in charges, as com pared with Liverpool, will amount to thirty cents a bale. Two atenmships have already been placed to sail from New Orleans and arrangements are | making for a steamship to leave Gal veston. Later there will be steam ships plar> 1 s t Savannah and Charles ton for the shipment of cotton direct to Manchester. Mr. O, Chanute, formerly President | of the American Society of Civil En- j gineers, who lias devoted much atten tion to arial navigation, thinks that the chief pi. t, 1, *in that still remains to be solved IBthe mastery of the practical art of managing tlving machines—the I art of starting, balancing, navigating ; and alighting. There is much reason in ' this view, comments the San Francisco ■ Examiner. If nobody in the world had etrei tailed even a canoe, and an ■ inventor, by native ingenuity and the | application of sound mathematical i principles, should design a full-rigged •hip, he might have trouble the first time he put to sea in her. Yet his situation would be less precarious than that of the first adventurer to launch himself into the uncertain air. Prob ably the labors of the engineers will have to be supplemented by a good many broken necks of practical navi gators before we sail the blue as com fortably as the birds. Havs the Washington Star: War bnrton Pike, an Englishman and an explorer, has just returned to civiliza tion after a lengthy sojourn in Central Alaska, which, by the way, is more of an uncertain land than was Central Africa prior to the advent of Stanley on the dark continent. Mr ['ike is satisfied that except as a game preserve the interior of Alaska is worthless, and at present anything like a dispute over that allegation is not possible be cause there is no one who can argue with Mr. Pike, but it will be well to remember that English opinion as to a country's value is not always reliable. Great Britain might still have pos eessed much of the northwestern terri tory now belonging to the United States the States of Washington Idaho and Montana— had not the brother of the then Premier of E n laud been traveling in tlie disputed region. He was a sportsman, and cause the salmon in the Columbia River would not rise to a fly he said that the country was not worth ipiar reluig over. His testimony was s.- cepteil, hilt in view of later develop, thtuta teeuicd to lis rather itlioulne The public and private indebtedness of the world is estimated to be SIOO,- 000,000,000. The Swiss Government has ordered that hereafter all slaughtered cattle must be made insensible before the knife is used. A sage complains that while it is true that "man wants but little here below," the trouble is that that little is usually in someone else's possession. An European mathematician of world-wide celebrity claims that from a single potato a careful cultivator could raise 10,000,000,000 tubers with in a period of ten years. The San Francisco Chronicle esti mates that at the present rate of con quest and colonization savage Africa will be a thing of the past before the tirst quarter of the twentieth century is rounded out. A correspondent of the Baltimore Sun asserts that "there is no such thing in all this world as sewer gas," and, further, that "there is no evi i dence whatever in fact and no ground for believing in the theory that the emanations from a sewer are in any wise unwholesome." Many lakes have been formed along the banks of the South Canadian River in Oklahoma, some of which are many j square miles in extent. They are caused, explains the New York Post, by the sand blowing out of the river until a high embankment is formed along the shores, and behind the bank are formed the lakes. An elderly gentleman of wide travel and close observation remarked re cently, after reading the story in the New York Times of a cruel murder, that he had long been of the opinion that the greatest calamity that has be- | fallen the human race in modern times wbh the invention of the revolver. It is too easily carried, and too handy. The report from South A fries that : the British recently slaughtered the I Matabeles like sheep is probably well founded, says the San Francisco Chron ical. The English have never been noted for their tender regard of the aborigine. The pioneers of South Africa, like those of Australia, regard the natives as hindrance to the develop- , nient of the country, and any pretext j which can be used to justify killing or i driving them out of a district is eagerly welcomed. The St. Louis Star-Sayings thinks that "one of the most gratifying signs of the times is the operation of the law requiring all navy ships to be built At home, from materials of domestic production ; American ships in American bottoms and the estab lishment of ship yards capable of turning out vessels of war of the high est speed and capacity. It is n grow ing enterprise and gives employment to thousands of American laborers, and soon we may anticipate that in stead of going to other countries for ideas and methods in ship armor and gun construction we shall l ave the foreigners coming to us to learn." America holds the record in many natural wonders and artificial triumphs, boasts the Washington Htar. The largest lake in the world (Su perior), the longest river (Missouri), j the largest park (Yellowstone), the finest cave Ithe Mammoth), the i greatest waterfall (Niagara) and the ! only natural bridge (in Virginia) are | to be found within the border* of [ the United Htntee, and here the big- ! I gest fortunes are made, the most ener- j J getic commercial enterprises under taken, the largest deals are effected, ; and the most wonderful inventions j are perfected, while the country produces a greater amount of raw material than any other. The zone system of railroad rates which is so successfully operated in Hungary, has made a deep impression upon James L. Cowlee, well known in railroad circles. He says : "Distance costs practically nothing in the transportation of freight or of pas sengers, and, therefore, distance should be disregarded in the dis crimination of rates. The rate now charged for the shortest distance for any particular service is the rate that should Imi adopted for all distances. When once a train starts from Boston to San Fraucisco, there isn't a man living that can tell the difference in cost of running that train, whether h passenger leaves the train at the first station out of Boston or goes through from the Atlantic to the Pacific Coast." Mr. Cowles further says that there is ""t. ten dollars difference between mining a train from Chicago to Ne* Vork, full of pamvugei't or emptjv RETROSPECT. Hie roses were not just so sweef. perhaps, As wo thought they would surely be, And tho blossoms were not so pearly white As of yore, on the orchard tree j But the summer has gone for all of that, And with Slid reluctant heart We stand at rich autumn's open door And watch Its form depart. The skies were not just so blue, perhaps, As we hoped they would surely be, Aud the waters were rough that washed our boat, Instead of the old calm sea ; But the summer has gone for all of that, Ami the golden rod is here ; We can see tho gleam of its golden sheen In tho hand of the aging year. The rest was not quite so real, perhaps, As wo hoped it might prove to be, For instead of leisure came work sometimes' i And the days dragged wearily . ! But the summer has gone for all-of thr.f, i The holiday time is o'er, And busy hands in Ihe harvest field , Have garnered their golden store. I The summer was not such a dream, perhaps, Of bliss as wo thought 'twould be, j And the beautiful things wo planned to do ! Went amiss for you and me ; j Vet still it is goue for all of that, I Anil we lift our wistful eyes To the land where beyond the winter suows Another summer lies. —Kathleen R. Wheeler, in Lippincotl's. THE LAST*SCHOLAR. BY ROBERT BEVEW.Y HAI.E. used to be the ■ ■=J|J fashion to go to j II Miss Lepington's j 'J II school when my R mother was a girl. rrrr/T I . j | II Schools came into I H fashion just as iyi | H crinolines and V ' j jf puffy sleeves do. jji 1 M I knowforanum -11 ill yr her of reasons that '' waH " le mos f! | fashionable girls' school in my: - mother's time; and what makes it perfectly certain is that my mother would never have gone to it unless it had been. Miss Lepington used to limit the number of scholars to forty ; and there were many stories current as to the early applica tions made for a place in that school. It w as no uncommon thing for a happy father to send in an application as soon as a daughter was horn; and it wns said that when Tom Snelling and Eunice Dunbar were engaged, they wrote to Miss Lepington that in case they were married anil had a daughter they wanted a place reserved for her. I don't exactly know whether to be lieve that or not. Ido know that my mother applied only si* years before hand ; hut then her mother knew Miss Lepington very well, and BO Miss Lep ington was probably willing to strain a point. But things cannot always stay in fashion. Hoop skirts went out of style after a time, and over so many crino line makers were ruined. Even these ! bountiful great sleeves must go out of ; fashion. I greatly fear that they may have disappeared before this story conies out. And Miss Lepiugton's school went out of fashion, too. You see, Miss Lepington would not have Herman taught at her school; and i there was Miss Cartwright's school lliat had a second cousin of Goethe's as a German teacher ; and nowadays, of course, every girl ought to know German. That was only one reason out of a dozen for tho falling off in pupils. Miss Lepington must have notieod the diminution in applications; ! but she did not seem to. She \ was sterner than ever in her re quirements. She had never taken j any one whose grandfather was not I "somebody," she said, and she never would. So at last the time came when there were only thirty-live pupils; and then the remaining ones dropped off, one by one, in away that pains me to tell of. But Miss Lepington never thought of giving up teaching. She was just as erect as in the old days, and a little stricter ; and she taught just as well as ever—much better, I don't doubt, than Miss Cartwright, whose ancestors were I don't know what when the Lepingtons were lolling at their eAse in Lepington Manor, or fighting for their king at Agincotirt. I suppose one reason the pupils stopped coming was because Hanover street deteriorated so. Every one lives on Enderby square now, or else on Collingwood avenue, and you can't really expect a girl of fifteen to walk past all those queer shops on Hanover street. It is a strange old place, and one wonders how it could ever have been so fashionable. Miss Lepington had a nephew, Densil Smith, of Srniib, Alen & Com pany. They lived together in an old house on Puritan square. He was rich, and she must have been quite well off herself. He was so wrapped up in his business that he never knew much about her school. He may have had some little suspicion of what was going on ; but one of hit business rules was to get everything at first hand. His news about Miss Lepington's school was always derived from Miss Lepington herself, and thus he thought he was sure to know the truth. He was the only friend of Miss Loping ton'a who did not know it. The school grew smaller and smaller, till there were only twenty pupils. Then ten of these left in a body to go j to Miss Curtwright's. Then the rest deserted, one by one, until —I don't j like to say it—until Constance Alford : | was the only pupil in Miw Lepington's school. And now the worst is said, . j for if any one were to have a school with one scholar, Constance would be just the scholar to have. ftbv lwyn ecemttl ty m aiwc like a character in a story than a girl in every day life. She was very beauti ful, in the first place, and very amiable, and very good; and she was, as you nee, so loyal that she stayed with Miss Lepington after every one else had deserted her. "I shall undertake the first class in French myself this morning, Constance. I have severed my connection with Mile. Deroulet, and until such time as 1 have a new instructress, I shall dis | charge the duties of the position my self." Constance took out her French books and followed Miss Lepington out of the de -erted schoolroom iuto the recitation room. "Read, Constance, if you please." Constauce read. She read so sweetly in any language that it was hard even | for Miss Lepington to find fault. I should like to hear her read Russian, but then I was always very fond of Constance Alford. 1 'Look out for your 'puis,' Constance. Did not Mademoiselle tell you how to j pronounce that word? Now after me : ! puis." "Puis," said Constance. "That is more tolerable ; but practise it, my dear, before the mirror. The I lips must move in one particular way. j You can always discover a Parisian by j the way he pronounces 'puis."' And so on, till at last the French was over. Then there was the study hour, and then the English literature class, which Miss Lepington taught herself, for she had "severed her con nection" with all the assistants except old Miss Nutting, who came in to teach drawing once a week. And Constance Alford often told me that she was very glad to get rid of the other instructors, for Miss Lepington was an excellent teacher, though perhaps a trifle too narrow in some ways. After English literature came recess. This was the first break in the dignity of the school. Constance found a chair and drew it up close to Mies Lepington's, and then they ate their lunch together, and talked affection ately, for they were very fond of each other. "Did you know t waseighteen years old to-day?" said Constance. "Why, my dear child?" cried Miss Lexington. "And I have not given you a present." "YeH, you have, dear," said Con stance (she never called Miss Leping ton "dear" during school hours). "You give 1110 a present of something every time you teach rae. But I have some thing to tell you ; but I hardly dare." "Not quite so many 'huts,' " said Miss Lepington, stroking her favorite (and only) pupi.'s hand. "Yes, dear, all the 'huts' I want in recess," said Constance, mischievously. "What do you think I have done?" "Become engaged to be married?" Constance burst out laughing. "Right the first time! Oh, how ro j mantic you are, dear ! I never should have believed it." I Miss Lepington blushed. "Not I romantic, my child. Perhaps it is that I know a little of the world. My dear i Constance, I hope that you will be | very, very happy. I am confident that the geutloinan both is and will be so. ' Who is he?" ! 'Slack Mackenzie," said Constance. "He's splendid. But I haven't told you everything. I thought—l hoped you wouldn't mind—l—well—l think that he rang the door bell just now. Did you hear it? T asked him to come here to see you and me. You don't mind, do yon, dear?" Miss Lepington tried to look stern ; hut she couldn't. No one could look stern at Constance. Miss Lepington i did look in the glass to see tfiat her hair was all right, and then changed her spectacles for her eyeglasses. "You were indiscreet, ray child, to ask a young gentleman to a girls' I school; but since he is here, of course we must welcome him. Jane, show j Mr. Mackenzie in." 1 "I hope you will pardon my intra i sion," said .lack as he came forward. "But I was so anxious to meet the lady who has been so intimate with Constance; and Constance would have me see you where she had known you and grown so fond of you. Will you forgive me?" Miss Lepington blushed again. She was not used to fine speeches from young men. "No one can be dis pleased with Constance," she said, "and I begin to think that her fiance shares her immunity." After that the three had a nice talk about the old school; aud Constance told several anecdotes, which Miss Lep ington had never heard before, about things that had gone on under the teacher's nose; and Miss Lepington told the two young people stories about their mothers, who had been class mates, and pointed out the desks where they had sat. The time for the recitation in nat- | ural liißtory was past, and they were i in the middle of the hour for Latin grammar, and still Jack stayed on. At last he rose to go, and Constance rose, too. They took hold of each other's hands and stood facing Miss Leping ton. And then suddenly Miss Leping ton understood what was going to hap pen. Jack had come to take Constance away. Miss Lepington was a consummate mistress of her emotions, and yet Con , stanco is very sure that her dear old teacher's eyes were full of tears. | "Good by, Constance," she said, af ter a pause. "I need not tell you to he a good girl. See that you deserve j her, Mr. Mackenzie." , ' 'l can't," said Jack, "but I'll try." Constance and Miss Lepington kissed I each other and parted ; and the two . lovers went out, leaving the teacher alone in the deserted schoolroom. Just h they passed the doorway, Constance looked back and saw Miss Lepington with her head bowed over the desk. Ooustauce had novel' eeii that head ; bp wed before. "Densil," said Miss Lepington the next morning at breakfast, "I am go ing to discontinue teaching. Yester day was the last day of school. " Mr. Densil Smith looked up with liis spoon half way to his month. "Have your pupils been dropping off?" he inquired. "Yes. One of the dearest I ever had left yesterday." "Why, that's too bad. But think of the rest of them," said Mr. Smith sym pathetically. "Don't leave them sud denly this way." "Thank you for your kind interest, Densil. But I assure you there is no alternative. Let us change the sub ject. Have you heard that Miss Al ford and Mr. Mackenzie are engaged to be married? I have been thinking of what I shall give them for a wedding present, and have finally definitely de cided upon the school-house. I have no further need of it." And that is how Constance and I came to set up housekeeping in Han over street. —Munsey's Magazine. A Rawhide Cannon. A Syracuse man named La Tulip, has invented a cannon known as the La Tulip rawhide gun, of which great things are expected. One of the guns, made by its inventor, was tested at Onondaga Valley. It weighs in the neighborhood of 400 pounds, while the cannon of the same calibre in use by the army weighs nearly 1500. Its pe culiarity lies in its lightness and the easy manner in which it can be trans ported. Across the breech it measures about fourteon inches, and tapers to about six at the muzzle. A forged steel cone forming the barrel runs to the full length, and is only three-quarters of an inch in thickness. Then comes layer after layer of the finest rawhide, compressed until it has the strength of steel. In fact, its toughness and staying powers are said to exceed steel. The rawhide is put on iu strips coiled around and around, and is several inches in thickness. On top of this lie two coils of steel wire wound to its strong est tension and then filed smooth. The cap placed at the breech can be easily removed for inspection of the rawhide filling. The tests were pronounced successful, and further trials will be had. A five-inch bore will be con structed as soon as possible, and when mounted upon a movable carriage it will then demonstrate whether it can be used effectively. The five-inch caanon will be smooth bore and used to discharge dynamite cartridges, a trial of which will be made. Freder ick La Tulip, the inventor, has been a worker of rawhide for twelve years and is conversant with it in every detail. Rome (N. Y.) Sentinel. Origin of the Word "Trolley." Most persons who use the word "trol ley" probably do not know the origin of this term, or why this name was given to that apparatus by which the electricity is conveyed from an aerial wire. Twenty years ago, the word was used to designate "a form of truck which can be tilted, for carrying rail road materials or the like." This is the only definition of the word in Webster's Dictionary of the edition of 1848. In the edition of 1892 of the same work, three other definitions are added. 1. "A narrow cart that is pushed by hand or drawn by an ani mal." It is noted that this meaning of the word is in use in England, not in the United States. 2. "A truck from which the load is suspended on some kinds of cranes." This meaning is technical, according to Webster, and employed only in speaking of machin ery. 3. "(Electric railway.) A truck which travels along the fixed conduc tors. and forms a means of connection between them and a railway car." It is easy to see how the primitive form of the electric trolley, which travels upon the wires, came to receive it name from the resemblance to othe types of trolley ; and the name, liAvinj i been immediately given to its prim itive form, was naturally retained whejt the method of connection was changed from a little truck moving on a wire, to a mast having at its end a wheel pressing on the lower service of the wire.— Detroit Free Press. A Rattler's Bite. I send you recipe for the bite of a rattlesnake that I will warrant to cure in ninety-nine cases out of every hun dred. 1 have known it tried for forty years in Illinois and have used it on several animals that were bitten by rattlesnakes since coming to Florida, and have never known it to fail in a single instance. Thoroughly soak the wound and the swellejl part with pure hog's lard, and let the patient drink one half pint of this melted lard. In severe cases re peat it in half an hour and give all the sweet milk that patient can drink. This kills the poison almost immedi ately, and the swelling will disappear in a few days. A horse or a cow must be drenched with a much larger dose, but dogs will eagerly eat lard and drink milk, even when their heads are so swollen that their eyes are closed and the yellow saliva is running from their mouths. Don't call in a doctor ix bitten by a rattler (as they are more dangerous than the snake), but use the abowe remedy, and I will warrant a cure.—Jacksonville Times-Union. Action of Cold and Heat. The generally accepted theory of the cooking of meat relates to the appli cation of heat, but Dr. Hawiczovosky has called attention to the fact that almost precisely the same chemical and physical changes can bo accom plished by exposing animal flesh to ex treme cold. Meat subjected to a de gree of cold equal to fifty degrees below the zero of Fahrenheit's ther mometer looks and tastes exactly like I meat boiled in fresh water. —St. Loui/ i Republic* Black net is wrought with silver. England is said to have over 1,000, 000 widows. Shoe strings and corset laces ar now tipped with gold. Mink collarettes are to be worn at much as usual this winter. Two fifteen-year-old girls have passed the entrance examination to Yale Col lege. Before long women will be admitted to German universities on an equal footing. A German lady of wealth and posi tion has founded a school of garden ing for women. The Duchess of Fife recently landed in one day seven salmon, weighing from six to ten pounds. That phenomenal young sculptor, Theo Alice Buggies, is uow the wife of Henry Kitsou, himself a worker in the plastic art. Persian Jamb, astiachau, mink,hear, monkey, lynx, murten and beaver are all popular furs for trimming uso or for whole garments. Hereafter the junior fellowship of Dublin (Ireland) University will be open to female and mule students on the same conditions. There are 600 women journalists, editors and authors iu England and Wales, according to the British census reports just published. The uew medical school of Tufts Col lege, College Hill, Mass., open to both sexes, has been formally opened in Boston with a class of sixty assured. Mrs. Hermann Oehlrichs, a rich New York lady, is a member of the "Needlework Guild," which makes garments for the poor and the desti tute. Black silks, especially the thick, soft-finished silks, are coming into competition with satin-duchesse for combinations for velvets, black or col ored. Narrow elongated half-moons in dia monds make pretty brooches, and these pinned into the hair at the top of a coil have all the appearance of a dia mond comb. A decided novelty in Dresden china is a fruit knife stand. In shape it somewhat resembles a little bottleless caster with receptacles for knives iu the upper band. Swedish women often work as farm laborers. Those who have babies carry them on their backs in a leather bag, as squaws carry their young. This plan permits the mother to use both hands at her farm work. The Czarina of Russia, although em ploying a houseful of seamstresses, makes nearly all the clothing for her youngest children, and also takes their new hats to pieces and trims them ac cording to her own taste. The Empress of Austria has to give a written receipt for the State jewels every time shu wears them, and her majesty, as a result, usually contents herself with her private collection, which is worth 51,500,000. A novel feature introduced at a wed ding recently was that all of the house guests inscribed their names on a roll of vellum, which was afterwards in serted in a filigree silver tube, which was presented to the bride. Mrs. R. E. Willard is an enterpris ing Chicago woman. Hho is the pro prietor of a barber shop which boasts six chairs, each one in charge of a wo man barber. Each of the assistants makes sl2 a week and half of all they take iu over $23. The very newest fashion among the ladies of St. Petersburg, Russia, is to arm themselves with long canes when they go abroad. Some of these canes measure six to seven feet in length, and as the ladies stalk along they seem at a distance stalwart amazons who have supplied themselves with small scaffolding poles or plucked up young trees. The so-called gold bonnets, with crowns of bullion embroidery, are very effective with pleated brims of brown velvet trimmed with parrots' wings standing out from choux of white chif fon edged, with gold picot loops. White satin ribbon strings two inches wide start from the back, and are tied under the chin in a stiff bow. The death is onnounced of Miss E. E. J. Crop, the first woman who crossed the Atlantic from England in a steamer. On April 8, 1838, she sailed from Bristol in the Great Wes tern, under the command of Captain Hosken, Koyol Navy, who obtained special commission to command a merchant vessel. The voyage was ac complished in fifteen days. She was the only female passenger on board. Amateur skirt dancing has been ousted in Australia by the skipping parties, which are all the craze just now in fashionable circles. Mrs. Ru pert Clarke is responsible for intro ducing this fascinating form of enter tainment to Melbourne society. Tour naments are held on to the asphalt tennis courts, and valuoble prizes are offered by many hostesses for the lady who skips most gracefully and most successfully. Miss Cleveland, of South Pasadena, Cal., a cousin of President Cleveland, has started a charity of her own in that city. She is fitting up a house she owns as a home for children whose parents are too poor to provide for them. Miss Cleveland is a bright, active woman of seventy. She does her own hoiiskeoping work, and de votes several hours a day to teaching her little charges, whom she feeds and clothes at Uev owu expense, HUMOR OF THE WEEK STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases of Human Nature Oraphlrally Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day —A Itudget of Fun. Sprinkles of Spice. UNCLE SAM (to the boomers): "That settles it."—Galveston News. THE shotgun should meet the rob ber who attempts to rifle pockets.— Picayune. A MAN on pleasure bent may have acquired a shoulder stoop from bicy cle riding. IT is the telescope which lens en chantment to the distant view.— Lowell Courier. AFTER all, why should a young man be always pursuing his studies. —Plain Dealer. THE bald-headed man oan tell us all about "parts" unknown.—Glens Falls Republican. WHEN it comes to jealousy and crowing, man is about as bad as a rooster.—Dallas News. No MATTER what may be said of Senator Stewart, none deny that ho is on his metal.—Plain Dealer. TEACHER—"Define memory." Dull Boy—"lt's what we always has till we come to speak a piece."—Good News. FIRST TWIN—"WeII, what do you think of this world, anyway?" Sec ond Twin—"Pretty rocky."—Roches ter Democrat. MOST of the wrong deeds charged against a man are those he com mitted trying to get his rights.— Atchison Globe. THE poet who found "hooks in the running brooks" certainly hail no rea son to complain of dry literature.— Washington Star. SOME dentists seem to think it necessary to have a showy sign in order to have a strong pull with the public.—Newport News. NEW CONGRESSMAN—"Is Senator Silverstate a man of his word?" Fifth Termer—"Well, not quite as bad as that-"—Detroit Tribune. "IF I ever get rich," said Tommy, "I mean to go to Italy and eat all the banaDas I want,' right off the trees."—lndianapolis Journal. CARBVTHBRS—What did you hold when you called Brobson, and he showed down four aces? Waite—l? Oh!—er—l held my breath! —Puck. AND now with gas bills coming In That fill up many pages, We wish within our Inmost heart We'd lived in the dark ages. I —Chlc&ao Inter Ocean. "Dm you ever go to Bins, the j tailor?" "Yes. Got two suits from : him. One dress suit. One lawsuit. ! Very expensive man."—Home Jour j nal. j LITTLE ALICE—"What is a boor, i mamma?" Cynical Mamma—"A boor, dear, is a man who has never ; been taught to lie."—Detroit Trib | une. I TOMMY—Paw, what makes the [ stars so bright? Mr. Figg—Oh, these astronomers are scouring the heavens nil the time.—lndianapolis Journal. IT will go hard in the next world with the newspaper space writer if he lias to give account for every id'.o word uttered while on earth.—Boston Transcript. MAMMA—Now, Teddy, we must all try and give up something whilo times are so hard. Teddy—l'm will ing. Mamma—What will it bo, dear? Teddy—Soap.—lnter Ocean. "BIFFINS appears to have taken a rather obscure place In the commu nity." "Obscure? Well, I should say so. Why, nobody even brings him a petition to sign."—Washington Sta-. OLD TOMKINS—I hear, you lucky dog, you've come into more money again, according to your wont. Young Jackson—Yo, you're wrong. It's ac cording to my uncle's will.—Funny Folks. LES FIANCES.—She—"And are you sure you will like mariicd life as well as you do your club?" He—"Oh, yes." She—"And are you so awfully fond of your club?" lie—"Not very." —Life's Calendar. THE EARNEST YOUTH.—"I thank you, sir, for your kind permission to call on your daughter?" "Remember that I turn out the gas at 10 o'clock." "All right, sir: I'll not come beforo that time."—Life. CONSTANCE—"Did he not go home after you refused him?" Clare —"No. He 9tayed Tight on and said, 'All things come to him who waits.'" Constance —"And what came?" Claro —"Father was the first."—Puck. A BRIGHT BOY. Kind Old Gentle man—And that is your brother? He appears to he a very bright littlo fellow. Boy (proudly)— You bet he Is! He kin swear like a car-driver. Curse for tli* gent, Mickey.—Puck. FIRST FRENCH STATESMAN—What is the secret cf the fine health you have at your advanced ago? Second French Statesman—Sst! It is indeed a secret. I have fought a duel every irionth for the last twenty years!— Chicago Record. CLARENCE—"The little kangaroos must be very unhappy, mamma." Mamma—"Why do you think so, Clarence?" Clarence —"Why, because they have pockets, but no tops or jack-knives to pat in them. "—Har per's Young People. Two LITTLE maids were talking about Santa Claus. "He's a splcnd'. l candy-maker," said one. "Isn't re!" said the other. "Why, last Chrlst nuj his taffy was so like that my mother makes that I couldn't teU 'em apart, "—Harper's Bazar,
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers