TIVB RQCTC. At flood a gleaming foam -rea(h whit. as wool; At ebb a shapeless blacker, C( j n , af8 it lies. Bo lives seen f Q j r w ljeo hope i„ at tlie full, Short all unelesn w® n ""'''ration dies. —Ose r T " y louth' 8 c o mp aD ' on ' Mr. Van Tiillert Straate Alibi. The snow had be°" for several minutes in li tt , e eddying gusts, and al ready an appreciab l ® m "nCer of flakes were collecting 0 n thc ca pe of Mi' 3 Uor othy IJempsey's storm coat as she turned into Ftfty-fo ur th street a 6 -inging pace. Her cheek 3 '""to brilliant f ro ® the cutting wind nnd her eyes shone with exhilaration 88 sbo battled against the storm. To insig nificaD t Pertie Carey, advanc ing from th e oiq>° 9 ' ta , direction, she ap. peared like delightful vision; ft de light consid cra bly lOuhenceU of course, by the fact that she belonged t0 "he right "set" of vision 8 ' or Ilertie, being so little n man, wo uld ? ot have looked a Second time. Indeed, j t jg doubtful whether anything 8b °rt 0 f jliss Dor othy's genealogy ° n . the maternal side would have induced nun to give up his daily gameof domi n ° es at the club, and wheel about to join her pr ome node with such urbane obliv'° n to the coolness of his reception. ' And it is n' o t likdy Plat at any other time Miss D e n>P scy Wo uUl have re sented his intrusion quite so hotly, hut, unfortunately for h'">, her memory still retained with vig° r a graphic descrip. tion detailed to h er ou .'y the previous evening by her cousin Jack during which, excited to unus 'ial em phasis by- Carey's last fans j" 1 "' he bad gone 80 far as to declare him " a c °osn m matc ass, not tit for decent society.-. Dorothy, having agreed with him in spirit, ' f not to the letter felt that she „! as justified in taking st ' ron g measu res oa this oC casion. To walk down the Ave nuo i n his com pany, at the hour when U u )lur dear fott r hundred friends would be abroad and glancing curiously fr .° m 'heir brougham windows 0r over their sU„uid cr s, was a reflection „p on her taste a „d discrimui a . tion which she w® 9 DO ' ready to endure. Accordingly before tb e pre Umlnaty greetings were fairly over B b e was .recit ing her brain for someway of dismissing him- In vain she meditated a dozen clever manu>, lvr es that under any other circumstances or in B By other locality ■would have beeu practical. | t w as Carey himself who finally provided her with the means of est-ap®-. "Awfully j o iiy, 'his unexpected pleas ure of a stroll wi'h you," h 0 murmured. Ignoring t h e gait that W as rapidly re ducing him to brea' essooss "Yes, indeed," returned Dorotby with false sincerity "only it can't be " very long one, Ss i' intend making a call on this block " Tb's with unblushing effrontery, although well nwa re that abe could walk on to the North Itiv" with out u u& c °° hor b e t. "A munSal friend' mqui rc d C'arey. ''l'l-'hlit not." , * i his nuist be * "°iise then, s lQ ce it is the lust one." Miss Dempsey g BVe a hastv, surrep titious gla ncc at tllc win doW ' curtains, and evidontly foO" d 80t ne reassurance i n their desig u '' "Thanks ves. ' - su Ppose you will be at the Grevs' po'"' aft erno o n ." "Oh, the Greys!' cried Carey, fi r °d to fresh recollections, .['aven't you hoard i Then if ! mayj I will wait and see if your friend is in; 1 uo '. We can continue our chat." Now Miss por"'' l ?. being an inde pendent an d somewhat peremptory young lady, ant l having gono t0 all the trouble and risk ° l ll j l s subterfuge, was anything But at a turn which left her unwitting'? Outwitted- Rut having gone so f° r R Was necessary to play the f arce put, ana, ascending the steps with a i rood acal 0 f Blip pressed i„_ dignation, s ho pressed the bell- The door was p ro nip tly °l*ncd by ft neat capped maid 4<19 Dr. Jiobioßon luff*, s ] lC inquired glibly, improvisir-g the f lrßt name that came to her "I believe so, will yo u w, Rk in?" For an i n9tan t H® ro % w-avercd in '°tal dismay. - rhis was acontin2® nn y for which she f ou nd herself comp letely u n . | prepared. Theo as h cr „ lall ce roved j from the w „iting ( -rey & lo w to the girl who had stepped hospitably. ba ®lc, her r csoluti on taken; to in atl d explain on meeting the doctor that he was the Wro m"" s< *med tho simplest and most natural WB y out of "m diffi culty, an,i it woo® rid l lor of farcy, ; which was the ma' 8 'h'ng The room into she was ushered : gave hr-r as ft first "Prcs s l orl a sensation of cheer atl d ton' 1"" "ad ,, 0( , ( l taste. I t was fitted U p as half o| Hce half library and a fire on the hearth -hc-1 its unstable light on tw o lurg® "Us drawn up in a suggestively coofidfi'Ul , ua „ n cr within 1 the seductive radiance. ]) or othy had made a mental c° mm ®nt of all this be fore becoming n ffa [" "lat one of these inviting chairs haU , "•> occupau.', who had slowly risen i in< ? w as uow facing her with an oj )e n curiosity whicli he did „ ot take the trouble c °o(.eal. He was tall, broad-shou'dercd, , t hletic young man, with a fine w °ndo head, nnd did not in the least resemble t i lc fam Ily phy. stcian of Hovotb.V 8 ln fntile ailments. "I have been cX P cl ding you," ' lO re marked calmly- ' " o n't you be seated? "But i callo d to sec D r Hobinson," explained Dorothy' fully expecting hi m to c'aim the distmntion. 'T ana very sorry," repii c d the young man imperturbabiy- "I am pr. HobiU son s nephew, >' cll ""Welle; lie was very uncertain übollt your keeping this np'- pointmont. In f"®'' e went out hopj n „ to meet y ou elsewhere, i, ut lcft me to ceivc yoq if ~„u and gave me th e authority to act i l ste„ d ." In "i® course of ber life it is P rob ab!e thai Miss Dorothy 1,11(1 never experienced such a variety " f crao "oiis. That it w as ncasc of mistaken identity appeared plain, but how "® c "'uu for her pr 08 . encc here without botr. lyin ,, her name ond her reason f or ,. r ' n Kiug the bell ap . peiucd a problem '"."ictdt of solution. 'T "Hi sure th®I'® 1 '® is some roistnkc," she stammered at l n g'h. a m not the person n r , Kohinson cxp cc ts. 1 simply wanted t 0 co" 8 ", "'m about a sli g i u cold, and will cß '.' "gain." "As m y unci® ' BI,O lopger a practicing physician, l a m BUr ® tlmt cannot have been yottr obi®®'' "® drew himself to his full height, which Dorothy found rather gi and adopted n slemcr tone. „ "Dobo seated' ho repeated. "This is a very s er ioi' 8 matter and must l >o treated serious')'- o,ir acquaintance with my unfortim" . c„„. s in ' s 88 Well known to me i" "" "s details 88 to mv unclo. lvby try deceive mo?" (lls Doiothy made " ! Uei iipt for a hearing,. " Bu tl am not the pe,, son you tlunk 1 am,"she declared wttp - p j,it. "I am Miss Dempsey." "Indeed a"®' t0 what reason docs nr. uncle, an old lm cUC '°r, owe th® P'eariro Of this visit today? Tou must excuse my ignoring the cold." He made a quick, convincing gesture as she started, hesitated—ana was lost. "You see it is useless," he went on. "I must insist on your remaining until you have answered a few questions, but 1 beg that- you won't force me to be more impolite than you can help." "When will I)r. Robinson return?" "In an hour or two at the most. If you prefer waiting for him that will be even better," and he drew forward one of the easiest chairs. "But I can't stay here two hours," cried Dorothy, now thoroughly alarmed ! and continuing to stand uncompromis i ingly j " Nor is there the slightest necessity jof it. Perhaps if I state the case it will j enable you to see that you can use the ! suuie freedom with me as with the doc- I tor, and also how little we require of ' you, provided you are honest, and how ! unpleasant the consequences may be if you evade. There have been great com plications in two of the banks with which my cousin is connected, and actual theft has been committed. It has been proved past doubt at what hour the | latter occurred, and suspicion has fallen iu the highest places. My cousin will j Be implicated in the arrests unless it can I Be proved to the satisfaction of those in - I 1 terested that he was elsewhere at the , i time. By to-morrow, or at the farthest j : the next day, all New York may know of I ! For some strange reason he refuses to account for himself. Now all we re- ' quire is that you shall state under oath j when and where you have seen him since ' Monday last." •• I don't know what you are talking ; about, and I don't wish to remain here any longer," protested Dorothy, vehc i mently. ! • Nonsense," replied Sawtelle almost j roughly, interposing himself between hct and the door. "My uncle gave me a description of you before he left. The idea of you denying that you know Al j Bert Van Twilleris absurd." | At the mention of the name Dorothy gave a little gasp of horror and amaze ment. "Why, of course, I know him," she ! she said unguardedly, and then seeing too late that she was only strengthening I , h is mistake, she sank into the nearest chair with a pitiful wail of distrtsn which ] did not help matters. | "Oh, this is perfectly dreadful," she sobbed, forgetting her dignity and mop ping her eyes with lurtive dabs. As for the blonde giant on the rug, he looked scarcely less uucomfortable and | ill at ease. j 44 1 don't sec but that you will have to , wft lt till the doctor comes. If I should i let you go it would only mean publicity and an appearance at court and all sorts ; of complications, which you ought to be | as anxious to avoid as we are, Miss Mc | Kinney." | 44 1 am not Miss McKinney." | 44 We11, my uncle will know who you are, anyway." "No, he won't," thought Miss Demp scy, and relapsed into a damp aud pro tracted silence. "I wonder if you would believe mc," s ],e said at last impulsively, turning on him a pair of moitt, indignant eyes, "if I told you exactly how I did happen to come here." "I am dreadfully sorry. I presume I have made a mess ol it," he replied ir relevantly. " Perhaps we had better not try any more explanations till thc doctor I comes. You, see, if I had known that you were in the least," reddening per ceptibly, "the least like what you arc, I j never should have attempted a conversa tion." As Dorothy found nothing to reply to this, another half hour passed, reducing her to a state of nervousness that went j far toward confirming Sawtelle in his suspicions. At last, to the infinite relief of both, a kev sounded in the lutch, and bowing politely at hor avorted head, j Sawtelle hastened into the hall. ! Already the doctor, a hale, hearty •' man of fifty, was divesting himself of a | snowy overcoat, aud on catching sight 0 f his nephew he began to speak in a cheery, excited voice, j 44 Such a day, iny boy! Thc jade es caped me in spite of everything, and ! sailed on a Cunarder this noon. But that isn't the worst of it. No wonder Albert refused to say anything about her. Re knew the whole thing would | come out, and her testimony wouldn't Be worth shucks, for you see he has married her, married her, my dear boy, | do you understand?" As Sawtelle made no response, he glanced up hastily. 44 Anything wrong?" 44 0h, nothing," replied Sawtelle, in a dramatic whisper cf despair, "excepting ; that I have kept the prettiest girl I ever j sftV v in a state of torture for two hours. She wouldn't explain who she was at j first, and seemed so agitated that I never 1 had a doubt its being the McKinney woman. You said she was dark." 44 131ack, staring eyes, and as big as an Amazon." I "You didn't say that. This one is small and thoroughbred to the finger I tipß." | "Well, well, we must see about it." And, accompanied by his anxious nephew, the doctor bustled into thc room with an apologetic good will that | somewhat disarmed thc hauteur Dorothy I was trying to assume. I "There has been a great mistake, my 1 dear young lady, and one about which | my nephew is deeply annoyed, but you | mustn't blame him, because he was only following out my instructions, although I mistaken in the person. And now if you will tell me to what I owe the honor bf this visit I shall be very glad if I can retrieve in any way thc discomfort you have undergone." Thus brought to bay nothing wat left for Dorothy but to make full confession. "I am Miss Dempsey, of No. —Fifth avenue," she began, but was uncere moniously interrupted by the doctor. "Not Julien Dempsey'a daughter? I Knew he left a widow and child. Bless inc, what a coincidence! We were | (hums, old chums at Yale, years ago but go on, my child." And then followed the whole ridicu lous, mortifying tale, to which the doc tor listened with open interest. ,4 1 glad you happened to come here, he said, not quite approvingly when she had finished. "And I hope you arc going to par tially exonerate ine," entreated Saw telle, who had beeu preparing his line of defense during the recital. "You cau't i fancy how humiliated I am or how I tempted I was to believe you. If you hadn't acknowledged y OUr acquaintance j with poor Van Twiller I should have | weakened at thc end." j "I do know Mr. Van Twiller, but the acquaint:.ncc is only a superficial one. I saw him last at Mrs. Lyle's ball, Wedncs- I day evening, and sat with him noinc i time in the conservatory. I was upset, ■ Because what you told mc seemed po tcr ! riblc." : 4, J!ut Mrs. I.yle herself mentioned to |mo tha: be was not in the house ten | minutev' interposed the doctor. "I | think she was milVcd. Mic fancied him •Xr one of her girl?, and now he has J thrown himself away —poor Albert- I "Oh, 1 know how that happened- u ® | told mc all about it. He was eo ioH J with a Mr. Green, and, after ho h"u made his ndieux, Mr. Green dec'""" 1 to remain, so he sat out a dance W' " 1(J and finally went off without waiting him." . "And do you know whatttiem e ,a ' was?'' inquired the doctor, eagerly "About quarter or half after one > when my partner for the cotillion ca ®® ! up. We began to dance it a boUt tnat time." „ "Could you swear to it on pap® r "Why yes, certainly." "Then," shouted the doctor triumph antly, "he is vindicated, whether he ex plains or not. This will satisfy the directors so that they will drop proceed- I ings where hei s concerned. They h n °w already that he is not guilty. It ! 8 53 plain as daylight to me now." lie remember the exact time be '®" Lyles', and thinking he was wit' 1 is woman he has married, didn't wait to attract our attention to her." "And now, if you please I should like to go home," remarked Miss D®®P sey, in a pathetic tone. "Of course, my P oor child itii'V, ately. Neil, call a earring,, ' j will go with you myself and see y aur mother, also get your signature, if y ou w ;ll be so kind. It will straighten the a£f ir out wonderfully. Verily truth is stranger than fiction." As Dorothy swept from the room, Sawtelle made a brave if i Ue (f e cto"l at tempt to attract her attention but as she steadily refused to he aware of bis,P rcs ence, his conscience permitted h' m to retain a small soaked Wad, whi®' 1 Wa3 easily concealed in the paint of hi 3 hand. Subsequent events have l e d U9 to beheve —so tender were his ministrati o " 8 and pressures between the Voln me9 of ? "®w set of Kuskin—that in course of t' rae it became less like a rag and more lib" a r ®- speotable handkerchief. It is now over a year since these events occuried, and I hear that the art' o'® 0 '® in question, together with „ n u®h cr of other worldly goods, is to be delivered to its rightful owner. H ow a ll cantc about, those who have not beg un ',' r I love alfairs with a little auimosKy. w 'll never be nble U) conjecture but ' have lit direct from the lips of t j,' e ro und and ever rubicund Carey himself. "The latest engagement my ®®ah fellah, is Miss Dempsey'g a person named Sawtelle. Why, they say h ® Jhas never been to a Patriarchs' i n id 9 hfep. —[The Epoch. California's Alfalfa y a r® 8 - One of the greatest irrigation districts in the United States is g ero County, California. Here are some tbirty-fiv® large canals with branches an ,l dis'ribu. ting ditches, covering ucarly half a mil. lion acres of very rich, sandy loa®* The largest of the canals i a tbe Ca"°way, thirty-two miles long. i t baS sixty-five distributing ditches, and coV er9 '[ v o huudred thousand acres 0 f very rich land. Its water appropriation " t> 4 ?6 cubic feet per second. On the lower side of th c caD al one can see fully twenty-five thousand ocres i„ almost continuous alfalfa fi e ids. Alfalfa, with water, yields five crops a )® ftr ' a ®d two tons to the acre at each ® u "!"g. About once in six weeks, f° r , cl Sot months in the year, the alfalfa fie'" B , are cut, and the crops stacked iu gr®"' P" e s. The vastness of some of the staob 8 ne ar the ranch house of the "irrigat' oo h®lt" is a constant source of Wonder to tourists. Eight huudred and fifty tons ba v 0 been put into ouc stack- There are some immense alfalfa ' ar ms in Kern County. The McClurg a , llosedale ranches have about tbre® lhou ß . and five hundred acres each the Jnckso a ranch has over seven th oUsan j. and the Poso ranch above ten thousand acres. The process of handling a lfalf a a large scale is interesting, -plio derrick and derrick-fork are Used. Th® B ' Bc ks range from one hundred to four hundred feet long, and are usually th' ft -' f®et wide and from twcnty-ti ve thirty feet high, and on thc extensive riiO' h' s °Ue can often see from fifty t 0 a hundred stacks of alfalfa in sight at one t'® e - Erotn six to ten teams are kel' 4 ."sy s applying thc derricks, nn d fro® s !*ty to one hundred tons can be stacked tn a day. Eight thousand tons ha v ° been stacked iu a single ranch and f® d ou ' livestock. Cattle, sheep, horses and hog 8"" B to a great extent, on a 'falfa. Cannibalism Auatral'®* You don't hear much about them, but there are cannibals in Austral' 8 to ' da y. Strange? Well, so very when yo u take into consideration tl le char 8 ®I®* 1 ®* of the country. The Australia 11 black bears about the same relation to '''at country that the American savag® doe 8 to this. When you get away fr - on ; 'he cities into the brush yo„ w ;j[ find plenty of them who would kill you, "'ere is nothing they would relish b e " ur 'ha it to make a barbecue out of you, P rov 'ded that there was no danger of beiog ca "Bht. Collectively they have the grea' 08 ' fear of the white man, for they k oW ' he punishes severely- They prefer t0 r past their victims. A stew they cor ' s 'dcr very good, but a 9 a ru) e ,ij e y lack tb o utensils and means of Ula ki"B. °'h. When a plump white stranger 18 cap. tured and killed, the body is envefuliy prepared. It is then bound to 8 s '°nt, green pole, which in tur n is supported at either end about two a n d one-' 1 feet from the earth by forked gticks. lj a { twecn the sticks a fire i s built, " ud w hen I the proper number of coals are m"de the green pole with i' s choice m 0" - Put I atop nnd it is there permitted to s "ntner | and roast until " 18 done to 8 turn, 'h e I man-eaters occasionally sticking,'heir | knives into the body to test 'he <lc a'i'ee of doneness.—[lvnsus City Tim® 9, Mrs. Cleveland as a Hand'® ba ' t ®r. Mrs. Cleveland, the wife of 'h e ex president, has a largo fund of h" m ®r i n her nature. A pleasant story ' s ,1° e d in connection with Mr. cievel aD 8 v ' s it to thc South, where his wife accompan ied him. At the reeeptl 0n i,el ( '. in . ""sh ville, Mrs. Cleveland,whn e reoc' v "igth o public and shaking hands like "[ C ( ' r un office-holder, rem 'rked i n an " nU erto ne to a friend: "How many do yoU thi„k I can shake in " minute?" ' know," was the reply, "not ®o r ® 88 a dozen, surely." "Humph! ®° "'an that; fiftv, if one." "You can''P 088I hly ido it." "Well," [ v s the rep'. v '„ J'ou iust time me one minute. ]lea : 'y And the next instant she was shaking 'ands ! "for dear life." "'itne!'' c*" 8 ® the i friend. "How many?" xva9 Jir-Gleve ; laud's inquiry. "Umty-seven-" ' " ! I can do better than that ; giv c ., m . 0 "n | other chance." -'"'d she s®'' e ."id shook hands with the popul#®" s '- vt "y seconds more, at the rate of six')'? ®, to the minute. "X knew i coti'd do it,-- ! she remarked, "and I think if 1 Bs "'t so crowded up here I could make it , seventy."—[New 'tork l{ L . co r<i c ' r - Ca'.timoic is alter Pi'azi|,. ln (ra <le- THE JOKER'S BUDGET. JESTS AND YARNS BY YtTifN* MEN OF THE PRESS, Same General Effect—Some Hope for t7 —A Family Bereavement— A Rushing Busineß, Etc., Etc. SAME GENERAL EFFECT. "Did they fi re p,iggs ?" "On the contrary, they put him out." SOME HOPE FOB US. yy e cannot all learn to write like Shakespeare, bnt most of us, if Wo try hard, can learn to spell, and that was something Shakespeare couldn't do. —* [Sotnerville Journal. A FAMILY BEUKAVEMKST. j\ n industrious rustic weut into his stable one spring morning and discovered his favorite mule in the agonies of death, he having overfed himself the night previous. "Here's a state of things," exclaimed the disgusted peasant. "All winter long you do nothing but feed and feed at my expense, and when spring comes, and it is time for doing a little plowing, you get out of it by giving up the ghost." The dying mule raised up his head, and said in a feeble voice : "Since you are such an ass, you should regard my death as a family bereave ment," after which his spirit took its flight. —[.Texas Sittings. A HUSHING BUSINESS. American Citfr.cn—Welcome to free America ! Immigrant (just lauded)—riense show me where 1 can buy some knives and pistols. —[New York Weekly. MR. NOO MAKES A MISTAKE. <you have a brother, I believe, Harkins?" remarked the new admirer. "Yes. Why?" "I have brought him a box of g um drops." Uettcr keep them and oner him a box of cigars, Mr. Noo. He is over forty years old."—[New York Sun. MARRIED THE OKOOM. "Mamie kept her word, after all." ■ ■How is that?" "Why, she has always said she wouldn't marry the best man living." "But she was married to-day." "Yes, but she did not marry the best man." MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS. City Girl—Mr. Farmer, why don't you milk that pretty red and white cow? Farmer (laconically)—Sl e's dry. City Girl— Poor thing ; let me give her tt drink of water.—[lrrigation Age. A OOOU DEFINITION. "What ia t|j e meaning of the word lukewarm?" asked the teacher. "John ny Cuniso, yon may answer." "Water i 3 lukewarm when it looks war m and isn't."—[Harper's Bazar. PHILOSOPHY VS. BUBINKBB. "There i 3 a silver lining to every cloud," said the optimist. "lint how vide is dot silver lining," put in the mean merchant.—[The Jewelers' Circu lar. AU AGAINST THE CMI'IHE. "They say there's nine on a side in a game of baseball," muttered the umpire, "but when you come to find out, it's eighteen to one, that's what it is."— [ Washington Post. YOUTH IN OI.D AGE. "That's a pretty old alligator, I guess," remarked one tourist to another as a huge cayman opened his cavernous jaws au d took in a young African that had recklessly ventured into the water. "He may be old," returned the other, "but he's evidently got a good deal of the hoy in him yet." —[Boston Courier. THE PICNIC SEASON. Oh, let u 3 to the picnic grounds, With cakes, aud pie aud custard, Where hostile snakes meander 'round, And frolic in the mustard, AN AMBIGUOUS OPINION. "Have you seen my hook of short stories?" "I have, but I haven't had a chance to read it yet." "Which do you prefer, my long stories or my short ones?" "Your short ones. Takes less time, don't you know, when you have time to read them." A VERY SLOW TOWN. yliss Perkins—What' already sick of Backville, Mr. Godolplius? I thought you said you were at homo wherever you bung up your hat? Mr. Godolpbus—l am; but in this confounded town I can't find n place to hang U P anything. IN BAD HUMOR. Editor's child—What's the matter with papa to-day? He's in an awful had humor. Editor's Wife—Y'cs, my dear. T' le regular funny man of the paper is and your father is trying to keep the de partment going.—[Good News. SUFFERING TOURISTS IN ITALY. American Tourist (in Paris)— Bless my stars! Howde do, Jinks? Didn't hope to meet you j n this part of the world. jinks—-Oh, I've gone the rounds, been everywhere. Just came from Italy. "By Jove! Glad I met you. JF O W tell ME frankly, O ID fellow, do you think it would be wise forjus to go to Italy? I've got my Wife aud children with me, you know?" "No, don't go. Go anywhere else,but do not go to Italy. Y'ou will regret it if yOU do. " "My! my! So bad as that? But there arc some Americans in Italy this season, arc there not?" "Y—c—s, some, hut they are mighty glad to get away, I cftn fell y o u. It' B awful, awful, perfectly terrible." "Goodness mei How do the Italians act?" "OIL, they act all right." "But you say life there is terrible for Americans." "Yes, tho hand organs are just he ginning to play 'Annie Hooney.'" THE SENATOR'S COURTESY. Wyer Puller—Y'cs, sir, the Senator not only received ine with great courtesy, but when I was leaving accompanied me lo the door. Stray 'L'uppendown—lt is pretty hard TO believe about the courtesy, but I CAN understand his accompanying YO u to the door, lie wanted to keep his eye on the lintrack and umbrella stand. A FRANK ADMISSION. "Do you play much on the piano," HO asked after she had finished A selection. "I use the instrument a good deal for killing time," she said. "Yes, I should suppose you used it for that." A DANGKIIOt'S NEIGHBORHOOD. First Tramp (in suburban town) —Fer Hiven's sake, Jake, git away from here <|Uick er we'll both be killed. Second Tramp—Eh ? What's matter —a bulldog ? First Tramp—Worse. I just heard the man o' til' house puttin' down car pets, an' if he hits his finger he'll besava ger than a whole pack o' bulldogs.— [Good News. AN INTERESTING PSYCHOLOGICAL SITU A TION. Clara (waking)— Whose poem was that you've just read? Isabella —Why, that was Browning's. Clara—l thought so. I knew it the moment I fell asleep. A BRAVE MAN. "Who is that inane looking dude over there?" "Inane! How can you say so? Why, ke's the bravest man in New Y'ork. He actually had the courage the other day to leave the restaurant without tipping Hre waiter." AT THE CLUB. Young Cadsbore—l sav, old fell, saw you at the Zoo in the Park yesterday, hut you didn't see me. Young Van Dyke—Ah, indeed, which cage were you in? nit' BY A BLUNT DART. lie has not felt love's power Who notes time's flight And takes less than an hour To say "Good-night." THE WEAKEST SPOT. "There is one tiling about the gwip," said Chappie, who was just recovering from it; "it always attacks the weakest part." "So I understand," said Miss Sharpe; "You had it all in the head, I believe." • -[New York Press. A MEAN REMARK. Ilolt—Y'ou ran after the nobility when you were in England, did you? Higgins—Y'es. All through Europe I followed my motto, "When in Borne do as the Bomaus do." I flirted in France, climbed in Switzerland, drank in Ger many and posed in Italy. Holt—why didn't you go to Monte Carlo? People shoot themselves down there.—[Judge. HOW SHE BROUGHT NISI ROUND. Mr. Chugwater—The idea of shutting up the front of the house to make folks think we've gone to somo fashionable watering-pluco for the summer is all blamed nonsense and I won't have it done. Mrs. Chugwater (changing her tnctice) —All right, Josiah. I'll give up the idea. The girls need the piano practice, anyhow, and- . "Docs the piano practice go with the front of the house when they do this kind of thing?" "Of course." "Then shut 'er up, Samantha—shut 'er up."—[Chicago Tribune. now HE DID IT. Joggins —How on earth do you man age to kill time, my deah boy? Owtlaitc—With my Club, old fellow. —[Pittsburg Bulletin. JAKE'S PATE. " Jimpson is a little cracked—kind u' addle pated, is he not?" "Yes, and also dissipated." OVERLOADED. Bov— Say, mister, shall I carry yor satchel? Do it for a dime. Dude—My satchel is not heavy. Boy—Well, let me carry your cauo then.—[Good News. "THE QUESTION OF THE DAY." Mrs. YVistful—What happy people you are. to hove six nice daughters! What resources for your old age! Mr. Quiverful Y'cs. Besources enough! But the difficulty nowadays consists in husbanding one's resources! —[Punch. nis CHOICE. Proud Father (showing off his boy be fore company) -My sou, which would you rather be, Shakespeare or Edison? I.ittle Son (after meditation)—l'd rather be Edison. "Yes? Why?" •"Cause he ain't dead." THE FISHERY QUESTION. In the sea aro as good fish as ever were caught, But I deem it quite needless to state That no havoc by ine 'mongst such prizes is wrought. For I haven't the requisite bait. THE EXPECTED HAPPENS. "Whatever became of that grey hound you had?" "Killed himself." "Heally?" "Y'cs; tried to catch a fly on the small of his back and miscalculated. Bit himself in two."—[Brooklyn Life. A REAL ESTATE QUIBBLE. "This building is dreadfully dilapi dated. I thought you said it was in n good state." "So it is. There ain't a better state than New Y'ork on the map."—[Truth. The Dakota Bad Lands. A gentleman who lias been in the bad lands of Dakota to his sorrow says they are composed of a white clay, which by the action of rains has been cut into hillocks. They arc not high, seldom more than forty or fifty feet, but it is up one nnd down another the whole way. Y'ou cannot follow the water-courses, for there are none; a guliy, forty or fifty feet deep, with a foot and a half of mud at thbottom, is the nearest approach to a water-course in the whole region. At every few yards you must stop and with spade aud shovel cut a path down tho side of a hill in order to descend, and then up the side of the one opposite in order to get up again. The mud is as sticky as tar and in going a few yards tho wheels of a wagon become solid round cakes and all the mules that you hitcli to it will not be able to pull it a foot further.—| Pittsburg Commercial. A Mammoth Tank. The largest reservoir or artificial lako m the world is the great tank of Dhebar, twenty miles southeast of Udaipur, Hajportnna, which covers an area of 21 square miles; the masonry dam is 1 000 feet long by 91 feet high, 50 feet wide at the base and 15 feet at the top. SOCIETY women who arc troubled with superfluous hairs employ what are known as ladies' barbers, who are generally graduates from tho hotel tonsoiial par lors. Patients aro usually trcatci once a month, and tho back and arms are treated as regularly as aro the lips and ebceks. YOU ARE INVITED To call and inspect our im mense stock of DRY GOODS, Groceries, Provisions, FURNITURE, Etc. Our store is full of the new est assortment. The prices are the lowest. All are invited to see our goods and all will be pleased. J. P. McDonald, 8. W. Corner Centre and South Sts., Free land. FERRY & CHRISTY, dealers in Stationary, School Books, Periodicals, Song Books, Musical Instruments, CIGARS and TOBACCO, SIFORRTIOTOI- GOODS Window Fixtures and Shades, Mirrors, Pictures and Frames made to order. Pictures enlarged and Framed. Crayon Work a Specialty. 41 Centre Street, Quinn's Building MSP HPI.II IVlJll Ul 111 IJU giving more information the name of every newspaper published, hav ing a circulation rating in the American News paper Directory of more than 25,000 copies each issue, with the cost per line for advertising in them. A list of the best papers of local circula tion, in every city and town of more than 5,000 population with prices by the inch for one month. Special lists of daily, country, village and class papers. Bargain offers ot value to small advertise!? or those wishing to experi ment Judiciously with a small amount of money. Shows conclusively "how to get the most ser vice for the money," etc., etc. Sent post paid to any address for 30 cents. Address, GEO. P. HOWELL & Co., Publishers and General Adver tising Agents, 10 Spruce Street, New York City. I# C. D. ROHRBACH, Dealer in Hardware, Paints, Varnish, Oil, Wall Paper, Mining Tools and mining Sup plies of all kinds, Lamps, Globes, Tinware, Etc. Having purchased the stock of Wm. J. Eckert and added a considerable amount to the present stock I am prepared to sell at prices that defy compe tition. Don't forget to trv my special brand of MINING OIL. Centre Street, Freeland Pa. E. M. GERITZ, £3 years in Germany and America, opposite the Central Hotel, Centre Street, Freelueu. The Cheapest Repuiring Store in town. Watches. Clocks and Jewelry. New Watches, Clocks and Jewelry on hand for the Holi. days; the lowest cash price in town. Jewelry repaired in short notice. All Watch Re pairing guaranteed for one year. Eight Day Clocks from 83.00 to 813.00; New Watches from 8-t.OO up. E. M. GERITZ, Opposite Central Hotel, Centre St., Freeland. GO TO Fisher Bros. Livery Stable FOH FIRST-CLASS TURNOUTS At Short. Notice, for Weddings, Parties and Funerals. Front Street, two squares below Freeland Opera House. D. O'DONNELL, Dealer In —GENERAL— MERCHANDISE, Groceries, Provisions, Tea, Coffee, Queensware, Glassware, &c. FLOUR, FEED, HAY, Etc. We invito the people of Freeland and vicinity to call and examine our large tnd handsome stock. Don't forget the place. Opposite the Valley Hotel. COAL! COALS The undersigned has been appoint ed agent for the sale of G. B. Markle & Co.'s Highland Goal. The quality of the Highland Coal needs no recommendation, being hand picked, thoroughly screened and free from slate, makes it desirable for Domestic purposes. All orders left at the TRIIJUNE office will receive prompt attention. Pricos3.7s per two-liorse wagon load. T. A. BUCKLEY, Agent. PETER TIMONY, BOTTLER, M And Dealer in all kinds of Liquors, Beer and Porter, Temperance Drinks, Etc., Etc. Geo.Ringler&Co.'s Celebrated LAGER BEER put in Patent Sealed Bottles here on the premises. Goods de liveredln any quantity, and to any part of the country. FREELAND BOTTLING WORKS, Cor. Centre and Carbon Sts., Freeland. (Near Lehigh Valley Depot.) H. M. BRISLIN, ~ UNDERTAKER . AND Also dealer in FURNITURE of every description. Centre Street, above Luzerne, Freeland. / Kendalls™ tSRAVIN CURE#jM The Most Successful Remedy ever discov ered, as It Is certain In Its effects and does not blister. Read proof below: v. „ . - BROOKLYN, Conn., May 5, '9a DR. B. J. KENDALL CO.: Sirs:-Last Summer Icured a Curb upon my horse with your celebrated Keudull'g Spavin Cure audit was the lest Job I ever saw done. I have a dozen empty bottles, having used it with perfect success, curing every thing I tried it oil. My neighbor had a horse with a very bad Spavin that made him lame. He ashed me how to cure it. I recommended Kendall s Smiviu Cure. He cured the Spavin in just three weeks. Yours respectfully, WOLCOTT WITTER. ™ ~ COLUMBUS, Ohio, April 4, *9O. DR. B. J. KENDALL CO.: Dear Sirs : I have been selling more of Kendall's Spavin Cure mid Fllul's Condition Powders than ever before. One man sahl to me, it was the best Powder I ever kept uud the best ho ever used. Respectfully, OTTO L. HOFFMAN. CniTTENANQo, N. Y., May 19, 9a DR. B. J. KENDALL CO.. Dear Sirs:—l have used several lK>ttlesof your Kendall's spavin Cure with perfect success, on a valuable and blooded mare tiiat was quite lame with a Bone Spavin. The mar*? Is now entirely free from lameness ami shows no bunch on the joint. Respectfully, F. H. HCTCUINS. KENDALL'S SPAVIN CURE. „ T TR „ MONROE, La., May 8, *9O. DR. B. J. KENDALL Co., Oents:—l think It my duty to render you my thanks for your far famed Kendall's Spavin Cure. L h 2r tt /l_ >ur >' edr ol ' l ~,lv which I prized very highly. She had u very severe swollen leg. I tried about eight different kinds of medicines which did no good. I purchased a bottle of your Kendall's Spavin Cure which cured her in four days. I remain yours, MARION DOWDKN. Price $1 per bottle, or six bottles for $.•. All drug, gists have it or can get it for you, or It will be sent to any address ou receipt of price by the proprie tors. DR. 11. J. KENDALL CO., Enoabnrgh Falls, Vermont. A. RUDEWICK, GENERAL STORE. SOUTH HEBERTON, PA. Clothing, Groceries, Etc., Etc. Agent for the sale of PASSAGE TICKETS From all the principal points in Europe to all points in the United States. Agent for the transmission of MONEY To nil parts of Europe. Checks, Drafts, and Letters of Exchange on Foreign Banka raw Led at reasonable ratqs. S. RUDEWICK, Wholesale Deulcr In Imported Brandy, Wine And All Kind 6 Of LIQUORS. THE BEST Beer, Sorter, -<£k.le And Bro-wn Stcmt- Foreign and Domestic. > Cigars Kept on Hand. 4 S. RUDEWICK, I SOUTH HEBERTONj A pamphlet of Information andab- BBS struct of the Inwß,ahuwlnu How t„V Patent,, Cavente. Trade / J^L
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers