TIVB RQCTC.
At flood a gleaming foam -rea(h whit. as
wool;
At ebb a shapeless blacker, C( j n , af8 it lies.
Bo lives seen f Q j r w ljeo hope i„ at tlie full,
Short all unelesn w® n ""'''ration dies.
—Ose r T " y
louth' 8 c o mp aD ' on '
Mr. Van Tiillert Straate Alibi.
The snow had be°" for several
minutes in li tt , e eddying gusts, and al
ready an appreciab l ® m "nCer of flakes
were collecting 0 n thc ca pe of Mi' 3 Uor
othy IJempsey's storm coat as she turned
into Ftfty-fo ur th street a 6 -inging
pace. Her cheek 3 '""to brilliant f ro ®
the cutting wind nnd her eyes shone
with exhilaration 88 sbo battled against
the storm.
To insig nificaD t Pertie Carey, advanc
ing from th e oiq>° 9 ' ta , direction, she ap.
peared like delightful vision; ft de
light consid cra bly lOuhenceU of course,
by the fact that she belonged t0 "he
right "set" of vision 8 ' or Ilertie, being so
little n man, wo uld ? ot have looked a
Second time. Indeed, j t jg doubtful
whether anything 8b °rt 0 f jliss Dor
othy's genealogy ° n . the maternal side
would have induced nun to give up his
daily gameof domi n ° es at the club, and
wheel about to join her pr ome node with
such urbane obliv'° n to the coolness of
his reception.
' And it is n' o t likdy Plat at any other
time Miss D e n>P scy Wo uUl have re
sented his intrusion quite so hotly, hut,
unfortunately for h'">, her memory still
retained with vig° r a graphic descrip.
tion detailed to h er ou .'y the previous
evening by her cousin Jack during
which, excited to unus 'ial em phasis by-
Carey's last fans j" 1 "' he bad gone 80 far
as to declare him " a c °osn m matc ass,
not tit for decent society.-. Dorothy,
having agreed with him in spirit, ' f not
to the letter felt that she „! as justified
in taking st ' ron g measu res oa this oC
casion.
To walk down the Ave nuo i n his com
pany, at the hour when U u )lur dear fott r
hundred friends would be abroad and
glancing curiously fr .° m 'heir brougham
windows 0r over their sU„uid cr s, was a
reflection „p on her taste a „d discrimui a .
tion which she w® 9 DO ' ready to endure.
Accordingly before tb e pre Umlnaty
greetings were fairly over B b e was .recit
ing her brain for someway of dismissing
him- In vain she meditated a dozen
clever manu>, lvr es that under any other
circumstances or in B By other locality
■would have beeu practical. | t w as Carey
himself who finally provided her with
the means of est-ap®-.
"Awfully j o iiy, 'his unexpected pleas
ure of a stroll wi'h you," h 0 murmured.
Ignoring t h e gait that W as rapidly re
ducing him to brea' essooss
"Yes, indeed," returned Dorotby with
false sincerity "only it can't be " very
long one, Ss i' intend making a call on
this block " Tb's with unblushing
effrontery, although well nwa re that abe
could walk on to the North Itiv" with
out u u& c °° hor b e t.
"A munSal friend' mqui rc d C'arey.
''l'l-'hlit not." ,
* i his nuist be * "°iise then, s lQ ce it
is the lust one."
Miss Dempsey g BVe a hastv, surrep
titious gla ncc at tllc win doW ' curtains,
and evidontly foO" d 80t ne reassurance i n
their desig u ''
"Thanks ves. ' - su Ppose you will be
at the Grevs' po'"' aft erno o n ."
"Oh, the Greys!' cried Carey, fi r °d to
fresh recollections, .['aven't you hoard i
Then if ! mayj I will wait and see if
your friend is in; 1 uo '. We can continue
our chat."
Now Miss por"'' l ?. being an inde
pendent an d somewhat peremptory
young lady, ant l having gono t0 all the
trouble and risk ° l ll j l s subterfuge, was
anything But at a turn which
left her unwitting'? Outwitted- Rut
having gone so f° r R Was necessary to
play the f arce put, ana, ascending the
steps with a i rood acal 0 f Blip pressed i„_
dignation, s ho pressed the bell- The
door was p ro nip tly °l*ncd by ft neat
capped maid
4<19 Dr. Jiobioßon luff*, s ] lC inquired
glibly, improvisir-g the f lrßt name that
came to her
"I believe so, will yo u w, Rk
in?"
For an i n9tan t H® ro % w-avercd in '°tal
dismay. - rhis was acontin2® nn y for
which she f ou nd herself comp letely u n . |
prepared. Theo as h cr „ lall ce roved j
from the w „iting ( -rey & lo w to the
girl who had stepped hospitably. ba ®lc,
her r csoluti on taken; to in atl d
explain on meeting the doctor that he
was the Wro m"" s< *med tho simplest
and most natural WB y out of "m diffi
culty, an,i it woo® rid l lor of farcy, ;
which was the ma' 8 'h'ng
The room into she was ushered :
gave hr-r as ft first "Prcs s l orl a sensation
of cheer atl d ton' 1"" "ad ,, 0( , ( l taste. I t
was fitted U p as half o| Hce half library
and a fire on the hearth -hc-1 its unstable
light on tw o lurg® "Us drawn up in a
suggestively coofidfi'Ul , ua „ n cr within 1
the seductive radiance. ]) or othy had
made a mental c° mm ®nt of all this be
fore becoming n ffa [" "lat one of these
inviting chairs haU , "•> occupau.', who
had slowly risen i in< ? w as uow facing her
with an oj )e n curiosity whicli he did „ ot
take the trouble c °o(.eal. He was
tall, broad-shou'dercd, , t hletic young
man, with a fine w °ndo head, nnd did
not in the least resemble t i lc fam Ily phy.
stcian of Hovotb.V 8 ln fntile ailments.
"I have been cX P cl ding you," ' lO re
marked calmly- ' " o n't you be seated?
"But i callo d to sec D r Hobinson,"
explained Dorothy' fully expecting hi m
to c'aim the distmntion.
'T ana very sorry," repii c d the young
man imperturbabiy- "I am pr. HobiU
son s nephew, >' cll ""Welle; lie was very
uncertain übollt your keeping this np'-
pointmont. In f"®'' e went out hopj n „
to meet y ou elsewhere, i, ut lcft me to
ceivc yoq if ~„u and gave me th e
authority to act i l ste„ d ."
In "i® course of ber life it is P rob ab!e
thai Miss Dorothy 1,11(1 never experienced
such a variety " f crao "oiis. That it w as
ncasc of mistaken identity appeared
plain, but how "® c "'uu for her pr 08 .
encc here without botr. lyin ,, her name
ond her reason f or ,. r ' n Kiug the bell ap .
peiucd a problem '"."ictdt of solution.
'T "Hi sure th®I'® 1 '® is some roistnkc," she
stammered at l n g'h. a m not the
person n r , Kohinson cxp cc ts. 1 simply
wanted t 0 co" 8 ", "'m about a sli g i u
cold, and will cß '.' "gain."
"As m y unci® ' BI,O lopger a practicing
physician, l a m BUr ® tlmt cannot have
been yottr obi®®'' "® drew himself
to his full height, which Dorothy found
rather gi and adopted n
slemcr tone. „
"Dobo seated' ho repeated. "This
is a very s er ioi' 8 matter and must l >o
treated serious')'- o,ir acquaintance
with my unfortim" . c„„. s in ' s 88 Well
known to me i" "" "s details 88 to mv
unclo. lvby try deceive mo?" (lls
Doiothy made " ! Uei iipt for a hearing,.
" Bu tl am not the pe,, son you tlunk 1
am,"she declared wttp - p j,it. "I am
Miss Dempsey."
"Indeed a"®' t0 what reason docs nr.
uncle, an old lm cUC '°r, owe th® P'eariro
Of this visit today? Tou must excuse
my ignoring the cold."
He made a quick, convincing gesture
as she started, hesitated—ana was
lost.
"You see it is useless," he went on.
"I must insist on your remaining until
you have answered a few questions, but
1 beg that- you won't force me to be
more impolite than you can help."
"When will I)r. Robinson return?"
"In an hour or two at the most. If
you prefer waiting for him that will be
even better," and he drew forward one
of the easiest chairs.
"But I can't stay here two hours,"
cried Dorothy, now thoroughly alarmed
! and continuing to stand uncompromis
i ingly
j " Nor is there the slightest necessity
jof it. Perhaps if I state the case it will j
enable you to see that you can use the
! suuie freedom with me as with the doc-
I tor, and also how little we require of
' you, provided you are honest, and how
! unpleasant the consequences may be if
you evade. There have been great com
plications in two of the banks with
which my cousin is connected, and
actual theft has been committed. It has
been proved past doubt at what hour the |
latter occurred, and suspicion has fallen
iu the highest places. My cousin will j
Be implicated in the arrests unless it can I
Be proved to the satisfaction of those in - I
1 terested that he was elsewhere at the ,
i time. By to-morrow, or at the farthest j
: the next day, all New York may know of I
! For some strange reason he refuses
to account for himself. Now all we re- '
quire is that you shall state under oath j
when and where you have seen him since '
Monday last."
•• I don't know what you are talking ;
about, and I don't wish to remain here
any longer," protested Dorothy, vehc
i mently.
! • Nonsense," replied Sawtelle almost
j roughly, interposing himself between
hct and the door. "My uncle gave me
a description of you before he left. The
idea of you denying that you know Al
j Bert Van Twilleris absurd."
| At the mention of the name Dorothy
gave a little gasp of horror and amaze
ment.
"Why, of course, I know him," she !
she said unguardedly, and then seeing
too late that she was only strengthening I
, h is mistake, she sank into the nearest
chair with a pitiful wail of distrtsn which ]
did not help matters.
| "Oh, this is perfectly dreadful," she
sobbed, forgetting her dignity and mop
ping her eyes with lurtive dabs.
As for the blonde giant on the rug, he
looked scarcely less uucomfortable and
| ill at ease.
j 44 1 don't sec but that you will have to
, wft lt till the doctor comes. If I should
i let you go it would only mean publicity
and an appearance at court and all sorts
; of complications, which you ought to be
| as anxious to avoid as we are, Miss Mc
| Kinney."
| 44 1 am not Miss McKinney."
| 44 We11, my uncle will know who you
are, anyway."
"No, he won't," thought Miss Demp
scy, and relapsed into a damp aud pro
tracted silence.
"I wonder if you would believe mc,"
s ],e said at last impulsively, turning on
him a pair of moitt, indignant eyes, "if
I told you exactly how I did happen to
come here."
"I am dreadfully sorry. I presume I
have made a mess ol it," he replied ir
relevantly. " Perhaps we had better not
try any more explanations till thc doctor
I comes. You, see, if I had known that
you were in the least," reddening per
ceptibly, "the least like what you arc, I
j never should have attempted a conversa
tion."
As Dorothy found nothing to reply to
this, another half hour passed, reducing
her to a state of nervousness that went
j far toward confirming Sawtelle in his
suspicions. At last, to the infinite relief
of both, a kev sounded in the lutch, and
bowing politely at hor avorted head, j
Sawtelle hastened into the hall.
! Already the doctor, a hale, hearty
•' man of fifty, was divesting himself of a
| snowy overcoat, aud on catching sight
0 f his nephew he began to speak in a
cheery, excited voice,
j 44 Such a day, iny boy! Thc jade es
caped me in spite of everything, and
! sailed on a Cunarder this noon. But
that isn't the worst of it. No wonder
Albert refused to say anything about
her. Re knew the whole thing would |
come out, and her testimony wouldn't
Be worth shucks, for you see he has
married her, married her, my dear boy, |
do you understand?"
As Sawtelle made no response, he
glanced up hastily.
44 Anything wrong?"
44 0h, nothing," replied Sawtelle, in a
dramatic whisper cf despair, "excepting
; that I have kept the prettiest girl I ever
j sftV v in a state of torture for two hours.
She wouldn't explain who she was at
j first, and seemed so agitated that I never
1 had a doubt its being the McKinney
woman. You said she was dark."
44 131ack, staring eyes, and as big as an
Amazon."
I "You didn't say that. This one is
small and thoroughbred to the finger
I tipß."
| "Well, well, we must see about it."
And, accompanied by his anxious
nephew, the doctor bustled into thc
room with an apologetic good will that
| somewhat disarmed thc hauteur Dorothy
I was trying to assume.
I "There has been a great mistake, my
1 dear young lady, and one about which
| my nephew is deeply annoyed, but you
| mustn't blame him, because he was only
following out my instructions, although
I mistaken in the person. And now if
you will tell me to what I owe the honor
bf this visit I shall be very glad if I can
retrieve in any way thc discomfort you
have undergone."
Thus brought to bay nothing wat left
for Dorothy but to make full confession.
"I am Miss Dempsey, of No. —Fifth
avenue," she began, but was uncere
moniously interrupted by the doctor.
"Not Julien Dempsey'a daughter? I
Knew he left a widow and child. Bless
inc, what a coincidence! We were
| (hums, old chums at Yale, years ago
but go on, my child."
And then followed the whole ridicu
lous, mortifying tale, to which the doc
tor listened with open interest.
,4 1 glad you happened to come
here, he said, not quite approvingly
when she had finished.
"And I hope you arc going to par
tially exonerate ine," entreated Saw
telle, who had beeu preparing his line of
defense during the recital. "You cau't
i fancy how humiliated I am or how
I tempted I was to believe you. If you
hadn't acknowledged y OUr acquaintance
j with poor Van Twiller I should have
| weakened at thc end."
j "I do know Mr. Van Twiller, but the
acquaint:.ncc is only a superficial one. I
saw him last at Mrs. Lyle's ball, Wedncs-
I day evening, and sat with him noinc
i time in the conservatory. I was upset,
■ Because what you told mc seemed po tcr
! riblc."
: 4, J!ut Mrs. I.yle herself mentioned to
|mo tha: be was not in the house ten
| minutev' interposed the doctor. "I
| think she was milVcd. Mic fancied him
•Xr one of her girl?, and now he has
J thrown himself away —poor Albert-
I "Oh, 1 know how that happened- u ®
| told mc all about it. He was eo ioH
J with a Mr. Green, and, after ho h"u
made his ndieux, Mr. Green dec'""" 1 to
remain, so he sat out a dance W' " 1(J
and finally went off without waiting
him." .
"And do you know whatttiem e ,a '
was?'' inquired the doctor, eagerly
"About quarter or half after one >
when my partner for the cotillion ca ®®
! up. We began to dance it a boUt tnat
time." „
"Could you swear to it on pap® r
"Why yes, certainly."
"Then," shouted the doctor triumph
antly, "he is vindicated, whether he ex
plains or not. This will satisfy the
directors so that they will drop proceed-
I ings where hei s concerned. They h n °w
already that he is not guilty. It ! 8 53
plain as daylight to me now." lie
remember the exact time be '®"
Lyles', and thinking he was wit' 1 is
woman he has married, didn't wait to
attract our attention to her."
"And now, if you please I should
like to go home," remarked Miss D®®P
sey, in a pathetic tone.
"Of course, my P oor child itii'V,
ately. Neil, call a earring,, ' j will go
with you myself and see y aur mother,
also get your signature, if y ou w ;ll be so
kind. It will straighten the a£f ir out
wonderfully. Verily truth is stranger
than fiction."
As Dorothy swept from the room,
Sawtelle made a brave if i Ue (f e cto"l at
tempt to attract her attention but as she
steadily refused to he aware of bis,P rcs
ence, his conscience permitted h' m to
retain a small soaked Wad, whi®' 1 Wa3
easily concealed in the paint of hi 3 hand.
Subsequent events have l e d U9 to beheve
—so tender were his ministrati o " 8 and
pressures between the Voln me9 of ? "®w
set of Kuskin—that in course of t' rae it
became less like a rag and more lib" a r ®-
speotable handkerchief.
It is now over a year since these events
occuried, and I hear that the art' o'® 0 '® in
question, together with „ n u®h cr of
other worldly goods, is to be delivered
to its rightful owner. H ow a ll cantc
about, those who have not beg un ',' r
I love alfairs with a little auimosKy. w 'll
never be nble U) conjecture but ' have
lit direct from the lips of t j,' e ro und and
ever rubicund Carey himself.
"The latest engagement my ®®ah
fellah, is Miss Dempsey'g a person
named Sawtelle. Why, they say h ® Jhas
never been to a Patriarchs' i n id 9 hfep.
—[The Epoch.
California's Alfalfa y a r® 8 -
One of the greatest irrigation districts
in the United States is g ero County,
California. Here are some tbirty-fiv®
large canals with branches an ,l dis'ribu.
ting ditches, covering ucarly half a mil.
lion acres of very rich, sandy loa®* The
largest of the canals i a tbe Ca"°way,
thirty-two miles long. i t baS sixty-five
distributing ditches, and coV er9 '[ v o
huudred thousand acres 0 f very rich
land. Its water appropriation " t> 4 ?6
cubic feet per second.
On the lower side of th c caD al one can
see fully twenty-five thousand ocres i„
almost continuous alfalfa fi e ids. Alfalfa,
with water, yields five crops a )® ftr ' a ®d
two tons to the acre at each ® u "!"g.
About once in six weeks, f° r , cl Sot
months in the year, the alfalfa fie'" B , are
cut, and the crops stacked iu gr®"' P" e s.
The vastness of some of the staob 8 ne ar
the ranch house of the "irrigat' oo h®lt"
is a constant source of Wonder to tourists.
Eight huudred and fifty tons ba v 0 been
put into ouc stack-
There are some immense alfalfa ' ar ms
in Kern County. The McClurg a ,
llosedale ranches have about tbre® lhou ß .
and five hundred acres each the Jnckso a
ranch has over seven th oUsan j. and the
Poso ranch above ten thousand acres.
The process of handling a lfalf a a
large scale is interesting, -plio derrick
and derrick-fork are Used. Th® B ' Bc ks
range from one hundred to four hundred
feet long, and are usually th' ft -' f®et
wide and from twcnty-ti ve thirty feet
high, and on thc extensive riiO' h' s °Ue
can often see from fifty t 0 a hundred
stacks of alfalfa in sight at one t'® e -
Erotn six to ten teams are kel' 4 ."sy
s applying thc derricks, nn d fro® s !*ty
to one hundred tons can be stacked tn a
day. Eight thousand tons ha v ° been
stacked iu a single ranch and f® d ou '
livestock.
Cattle, sheep, horses and hog 8"" B
to a great extent, on a 'falfa.
Cannibalism Auatral'®*
You don't hear much about them, but
there are cannibals in Austral' 8 to ' da y.
Strange? Well, so very when yo u
take into consideration tl le char 8 ®I®* 1 ®* of
the country. The Australia 11 black
bears about the same relation to '''at
country that the American savag® doe 8
to this. When you get away fr - on ; 'he
cities into the brush yo„ w ;j[ find plenty
of them who would kill you, "'ere
is nothing they would relish b e " ur 'ha it
to make a barbecue out of you, P rov 'ded
that there was no danger of beiog ca "Bht.
Collectively they have the grea' 08 ' fear
of the white man, for they k oW ' he
punishes severely- They prefer t0 r past
their victims. A stew they cor ' s 'dcr
very good, but a 9 a ru) e ,ij e y lack tb o
utensils and means of Ula ki"B. °'h.
When a plump white stranger 18 cap.
tured and killed, the body is envefuliy
prepared. It is then bound to 8 s '°nt,
green pole, which in tur n is supported
at either end about two a n d one-' 1 feet
from the earth by forked gticks. lj a
{ twecn the sticks a fire i s built, " ud w hen
I the proper number of coals are m"de the
green pole with i' s choice m 0" - Put
I atop nnd it is there permitted to s "ntner
| and roast until " 18 done to 8 turn, 'h e
I man-eaters occasionally sticking,'heir
| knives into the body to test 'he <lc a'i'ee
of doneness.—[lvnsus City Tim® 9,
Mrs. Cleveland as a Hand'® ba ' t ®r.
Mrs. Cleveland, the wife of 'h e ex
president, has a largo fund of h" m ®r i n
her nature. A pleasant story ' s ,1° e d
in connection with Mr. cievel aD 8 v ' s it
to thc South, where his wife accompan
ied him. At the reeeptl 0n i,el ( '. in . ""sh
ville, Mrs. Cleveland,whn e reoc' v "igth o
public and shaking hands like "[ C ( ' r un
office-holder, rem 'rked i n an " nU erto ne
to a friend: "How many do yoU thi„k
I can shake in " minute?" '
know," was the reply, "not ®o r ® 88 a
dozen, surely." "Humph! ®° "'an
that; fiftv, if one." "You can''P 088I hly
ido it." "Well," [ v s the rep'. v '„ J'ou
iust time me one minute. ]lea : 'y And
the next instant she was shaking 'ands
! "for dear life." "'itne!'' c*" 8 ® the
i friend. "How many?" xva9 Jir-Gleve
; laud's inquiry. "Umty-seven-" ' " !
I can do better than that ; giv c ., m . 0 "n
| other chance." -'"'d she s®'' e ."id
shook hands with the popul#®" s '- vt "y
seconds more, at the rate of six')'? ®, to
the minute. "X knew i coti'd do it,--
! she remarked, "and I think if 1 Bs "'t
so crowded up here I could make it
, seventy."—[New 'tork l{ L . co r<i c ' r -
Ca'.timoic is alter Pi'azi|,. ln (ra <le-
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
JESTS AND YARNS BY YtTifN*
MEN OF THE PRESS,
Same General Effect—Some Hope
for t7 —A Family Bereavement—
A Rushing Busineß, Etc., Etc.
SAME GENERAL EFFECT.
"Did they fi re p,iggs ?"
"On the contrary, they put him out."
SOME HOPE FOB US.
yy e cannot all learn to write like
Shakespeare, bnt most of us, if Wo try
hard, can learn to spell, and that was
something Shakespeare couldn't do. —*
[Sotnerville Journal.
A FAMILY BEUKAVEMKST.
j\ n industrious rustic weut into his
stable one spring morning and discovered
his favorite mule in the agonies of death,
he having overfed himself the night
previous.
"Here's a state of things," exclaimed
the disgusted peasant. "All winter long
you do nothing but feed and feed at my
expense, and when spring comes, and it
is time for doing a little plowing, you
get out of it by giving up the ghost."
The dying mule raised up his head,
and said in a feeble voice :
"Since you are such an ass, you should
regard my death as a family bereave
ment," after which his spirit took its
flight. —[.Texas Sittings.
A HUSHING BUSINESS.
American Citfr.cn—Welcome to free
America !
Immigrant (just lauded)—riense
show me where 1 can buy some knives and
pistols. —[New York Weekly.
MR. NOO MAKES A MISTAKE.
<you have a brother, I believe,
Harkins?" remarked the new admirer.
"Yes. Why?"
"I have brought him a box of g um
drops."
Uettcr keep them and oner him a box
of cigars, Mr. Noo. He is over forty
years old."—[New York Sun.
MARRIED THE OKOOM.
"Mamie kept her word, after all."
■ ■How is that?"
"Why, she has always said she
wouldn't marry the best man living."
"But she was married to-day."
"Yes, but she did not marry the best
man."
MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS.
City Girl—Mr. Farmer, why don't you
milk that pretty red and white cow?
Farmer (laconically)—Sl e's dry.
City Girl— Poor thing ; let me give her
tt drink of water.—[lrrigation Age.
A OOOU DEFINITION.
"What ia t|j e meaning of the word
lukewarm?" asked the teacher. "John
ny Cuniso, yon may answer."
"Water i 3 lukewarm when it looks
war m and isn't."—[Harper's Bazar.
PHILOSOPHY VS. BUBINKBB.
"There i 3 a silver lining to every
cloud," said the optimist. "lint how
vide is dot silver lining," put in the
mean merchant.—[The Jewelers' Circu
lar.
AU AGAINST THE CMI'IHE.
"They say there's nine on a side in a
game of baseball," muttered the umpire,
"but when you come to find out, it's
eighteen to one, that's what it is."—
[ Washington Post.
YOUTH IN OI.D AGE.
"That's a pretty old alligator, I guess,"
remarked one tourist to another as a
huge cayman opened his cavernous jaws
au d took in a young African that had
recklessly ventured into the water.
"He may be old," returned the other,
"but he's evidently got a good deal of
the hoy in him yet." —[Boston Courier.
THE PICNIC SEASON.
Oh, let u 3 to the picnic grounds,
With cakes, aud pie aud custard,
Where hostile snakes meander 'round,
And frolic in the mustard,
AN AMBIGUOUS OPINION.
"Have you seen my hook of short
stories?"
"I have, but I haven't had a chance
to read it yet."
"Which do you prefer, my long stories
or my short ones?"
"Your short ones. Takes less time,
don't you know, when you have time to
read them."
A VERY SLOW TOWN.
yliss Perkins—What' already sick of
Backville, Mr. Godolplius? I thought
you said you were at homo wherever you
bung up your hat?
Mr. Godolpbus—l am; but in this
confounded town I can't find n place to
hang U P anything.
IN BAD HUMOR.
Editor's child—What's the matter
with papa to-day? He's in an awful had
humor.
Editor's Wife—Y'cs, my dear. T' le
regular funny man of the paper is
and your father is trying to keep the de
partment going.—[Good News.
SUFFERING TOURISTS IN ITALY.
American Tourist (in Paris)— Bless my
stars! Howde do, Jinks? Didn't hope
to meet you j n this part of the world.
jinks—-Oh, I've gone the rounds, been
everywhere. Just came from Italy.
"By Jove! Glad I met you. JF O W tell
ME frankly, O ID fellow, do you think it
would be wise forjus to go to Italy? I've
got my Wife aud children with me, you
know?"
"No, don't go. Go anywhere else,but
do not go to Italy. Y'ou will regret it if
yOU do. "
"My! my! So bad as that? But there
arc some Americans in Italy this season,
arc there not?"
"Y—c—s, some, hut they are mighty
glad to get away, I cftn fell y o u. It' B
awful, awful, perfectly terrible."
"Goodness mei How do the Italians
act?"
"OIL, they act all right."
"But you say life there is terrible for
Americans."
"Yes, tho hand organs are just he
ginning to play 'Annie Hooney.'"
THE SENATOR'S COURTESY.
Wyer Puller—Y'cs, sir, the Senator not
only received ine with great courtesy,
but when I was leaving accompanied me
lo the door.
Stray 'L'uppendown—lt is pretty hard
TO believe about the courtesy, but I CAN
understand his accompanying YO u to the
door, lie wanted to keep his eye on the
lintrack and umbrella stand.
A FRANK ADMISSION.
"Do you play much on the piano," HO
asked after she had finished A selection.
"I use the instrument a good deal for
killing time," she said.
"Yes, I should suppose you used it for
that."
A DANGKIIOt'S NEIGHBORHOOD.
First Tramp (in suburban town) —Fer
Hiven's sake, Jake, git away from here
<|Uick er we'll both be killed.
Second Tramp—Eh ? What's matter
—a bulldog ?
First Tramp—Worse. I just heard
the man o' til' house puttin' down car
pets, an' if he hits his finger he'll besava
ger than a whole pack o' bulldogs.—
[Good News.
AN INTERESTING PSYCHOLOGICAL SITU A
TION.
Clara (waking)— Whose poem was
that you've just read?
Isabella —Why, that was Browning's.
Clara—l thought so. I knew it the
moment I fell asleep.
A BRAVE MAN.
"Who is that inane looking dude over
there?"
"Inane! How can you say so? Why,
ke's the bravest man in New Y'ork. He
actually had the courage the other day
to leave the restaurant without tipping
Hre waiter."
AT THE CLUB.
Young Cadsbore—l sav, old fell, saw
you at the Zoo in the Park yesterday,
hut you didn't see me.
Young Van Dyke—Ah, indeed, which
cage were you in?
nit' BY A BLUNT DART.
lie has not felt love's power
Who notes time's flight
And takes less than an hour
To say "Good-night."
THE WEAKEST SPOT.
"There is one tiling about the gwip,"
said Chappie, who was just recovering
from it; "it always attacks the weakest
part."
"So I understand," said Miss Sharpe;
"You had it all in the head, I believe."
• -[New York Press.
A MEAN REMARK.
Ilolt—Y'ou ran after the nobility when
you were in England, did you?
Higgins—Y'es. All through Europe I
followed my motto, "When in Borne do
as the Bomaus do." I flirted in France,
climbed in Switzerland, drank in Ger
many and posed in Italy.
Holt—why didn't you go to Monte
Carlo? People shoot themselves down
there.—[Judge.
HOW SHE BROUGHT NISI ROUND.
Mr. Chugwater—The idea of shutting
up the front of the house to make folks
think we've gone to somo fashionable
watering-pluco for the summer is all
blamed nonsense and I won't have it
done.
Mrs. Chugwater (changing her tnctice)
—All right, Josiah. I'll give up the
idea. The girls need the piano practice,
anyhow, and- .
"Docs the piano practice go with the
front of the house when they do this kind
of thing?"
"Of course."
"Then shut 'er up, Samantha—shut
'er up."—[Chicago Tribune.
now HE DID IT.
Joggins —How on earth do you man
age to kill time, my deah boy?
Owtlaitc—With my Club, old fellow.
—[Pittsburg Bulletin.
JAKE'S PATE.
" Jimpson is a little cracked—kind u'
addle pated, is he not?"
"Yes, and also dissipated."
OVERLOADED.
Bov— Say, mister, shall I carry yor
satchel? Do it for a dime.
Dude—My satchel is not heavy.
Boy—Well, let me carry your cauo
then.—[Good News.
"THE QUESTION OF THE DAY."
Mrs. YVistful—What happy people you
are. to hove six nice daughters! What
resources for your old age!
Mr. Quiverful Y'cs. Besources
enough! But the difficulty nowadays
consists in husbanding one's resources!
—[Punch.
nis CHOICE.
Proud Father (showing off his boy be
fore company) -My sou, which would
you rather be, Shakespeare or Edison?
I.ittle Son (after meditation)—l'd rather
be Edison.
"Yes? Why?"
•"Cause he ain't dead."
THE FISHERY QUESTION.
In the sea aro as good fish as ever were
caught,
But I deem it quite needless to state
That no havoc by ine 'mongst such
prizes is wrought.
For I haven't the requisite bait.
THE EXPECTED HAPPENS.
"Whatever became of that grey
hound you had?"
"Killed himself."
"Heally?"
"Y'cs; tried to catch a fly on the small
of his back and miscalculated. Bit
himself in two."—[Brooklyn Life.
A REAL ESTATE QUIBBLE.
"This building is dreadfully dilapi
dated. I thought you said it was in n good
state."
"So it is. There ain't a better state
than New Y'ork on the map."—[Truth.
The Dakota Bad Lands.
A gentleman who lias been in the bad
lands of Dakota to his sorrow says they
are composed of a white clay, which by
the action of rains has been cut into
hillocks. They arc not high, seldom
more than forty or fifty feet, but it is up
one nnd down another the whole way.
Y'ou cannot follow the water-courses, for
there are none; a guliy, forty or fifty
feet deep, with a foot and a half of mud
at thbottom, is the nearest approach to
a water-course in the whole region. At
every few yards you must stop and with
spade aud shovel cut a path down tho
side of a hill in order to descend, and
then up the side of the one opposite in
order to get up again. The mud is as
sticky as tar and in going a few yards
tho wheels of a wagon become solid
round cakes and all the mules that you
hitcli to it will not be able to pull it a
foot further.—| Pittsburg Commercial.
A Mammoth Tank.
The largest reservoir or artificial lako
m the world is the great tank of Dhebar,
twenty miles southeast of Udaipur,
Hajportnna, which covers an area of 21
square miles; the masonry dam is 1 000
feet long by 91 feet high, 50 feet wide
at the base and 15 feet at the top.
SOCIETY women who arc troubled with
superfluous hairs employ what are known
as ladies' barbers, who are generally
graduates from tho hotel tonsoiial par
lors. Patients aro usually trcatci once a
month, and tho back and arms are
treated as regularly as aro the lips and
ebceks.
YOU ARE INVITED
To call and inspect our im
mense stock of
DRY GOODS,
Groceries, Provisions,
FURNITURE, Etc.
Our store is full of the new
est assortment. The prices are
the lowest. All are invited to
see our goods and all will be
pleased.
J. P. McDonald,
8. W. Corner Centre and South Sts., Free land.
FERRY & CHRISTY,
dealers in
Stationary, School Books,
Periodicals, Song Books, Musical
Instruments,
CIGARS and TOBACCO,
SIFORRTIOTOI- GOODS
Window Fixtures and Shades, Mirrors,
Pictures and Frames made to order.
Pictures enlarged and Framed.
Crayon Work a Specialty.
41 Centre Street, Quinn's Building
MSP HPI.II
IVlJll Ul 111 IJU giving more information
the name of every newspaper published, hav
ing a circulation rating in the American News
paper Directory of more than 25,000 copies each
issue, with the cost per line for advertising in
them. A list of the best papers of local circula
tion, in every city and town of more than 5,000
population with prices by the inch for one
month. Special lists of daily, country, village
and class papers. Bargain offers ot value to
small advertise!? or those wishing to experi
ment Judiciously with a small amount of money.
Shows conclusively "how to get the most ser
vice for the money," etc., etc. Sent post paid
to any address for 30 cents. Address, GEO. P.
HOWELL & Co., Publishers and General Adver
tising Agents, 10 Spruce Street, New York City.
I# C. D. ROHRBACH,
Dealer in
Hardware, Paints, Varnish,
Oil, Wall Paper, Mining
Tools and mining Sup
plies of all kinds,
Lamps, Globes, Tinware, Etc.
Having purchased the stock
of Wm. J. Eckert and added a
considerable amount to the
present stock I am prepared to
sell at prices that defy compe
tition.
Don't forget to trv my special
brand of MINING OIL.
Centre Street, Freeland Pa.
E. M. GERITZ,
£3 years in Germany and America, opposite
the Central Hotel, Centre Street, Freelueu. The
Cheapest Repuiring Store in town.
Watches. Clocks and Jewelry.
New Watches, Clocks and
Jewelry on hand for the Holi.
days; the lowest cash price in
town. Jewelry repaired in
short notice. All Watch Re
pairing guaranteed for one
year.
Eight Day Clocks from 83.00
to 813.00; New Watches from
8-t.OO up.
E. M. GERITZ,
Opposite Central Hotel, Centre St., Freeland.
GO TO
Fisher Bros.
Livery Stable
FOH
FIRST-CLASS TURNOUTS
At Short. Notice, for Weddings, Parties and
Funerals. Front Street, two squares
below Freeland Opera House.
D. O'DONNELL,
Dealer In
—GENERAL—
MERCHANDISE,
Groceries, Provisions, Tea,
Coffee, Queensware,
Glassware, &c.
FLOUR, FEED, HAY, Etc.
We invito the people of Freeland and vicinity
to call and examine our large tnd handsome
stock. Don't forget the place.
Opposite the Valley Hotel.
COAL! COALS
The undersigned has been appoint
ed agent for the sale of G. B. Markle
& Co.'s
Highland Goal.
The quality of the Highland Coal
needs no recommendation, being hand
picked, thoroughly screened and free
from slate, makes it desirable for
Domestic purposes. All orders left
at the TRIIJUNE office will receive
prompt attention.
Pricos3.7s per two-liorse wagon
load. T. A. BUCKLEY, Agent.
PETER TIMONY,
BOTTLER, M
And Dealer in all kinds of
Liquors, Beer and Porter,
Temperance Drinks,
Etc., Etc.
Geo.Ringler&Co.'s
Celebrated LAGER BEER put
in Patent Sealed Bottles here
on the premises. Goods de
liveredln any quantity, and to
any part of the country.
FREELAND BOTTLING WORKS,
Cor. Centre and Carbon Sts., Freeland.
(Near Lehigh Valley Depot.)
H. M. BRISLIN, ~
UNDERTAKER .
AND
Also dealer in
FURNITURE
of every description.
Centre Street, above Luzerne, Freeland.
/ Kendalls™
tSRAVIN CURE#jM
The Most Successful Remedy ever discov
ered, as It Is certain In Its effects and does not
blister. Read proof below:
v. „ . - BROOKLYN, Conn., May 5, '9a
DR. B. J. KENDALL CO.:
Sirs:-Last Summer Icured a Curb upon my horse
with your celebrated Keudull'g Spavin Cure audit
was the lest Job I ever saw done. I have a dozen
empty bottles, having used it with perfect success,
curing every thing I tried it oil. My neighbor had
a horse with a very bad Spavin that made him lame.
He ashed me how to cure it. I recommended
Kendall s Smiviu Cure. He cured the Spavin in
just three weeks.
Yours respectfully,
WOLCOTT WITTER.
™ ~ COLUMBUS, Ohio, April 4, *9O.
DR. B. J. KENDALL CO.:
Dear Sirs : I have been selling more of Kendall's
Spavin Cure mid Fllul's Condition Powders than
ever before. One man sahl to me, it was the best
Powder I ever kept uud the best ho ever used.
Respectfully,
OTTO L. HOFFMAN.
CniTTENANQo, N. Y., May 19, 9a
DR. B. J. KENDALL CO..
Dear Sirs:—l have used several lK>ttlesof your
Kendall's spavin Cure with perfect success, on a
valuable and blooded mare tiiat was quite lame
with a Bone Spavin. The mar*? Is now entirely free
from lameness ami shows no bunch on the joint.
Respectfully, F. H. HCTCUINS.
KENDALL'S SPAVIN CURE.
„ T TR „ MONROE, La., May 8, *9O.
DR. B. J. KENDALL Co.,
Oents:—l think It my duty to render you my
thanks for your far famed Kendall's Spavin Cure.
L h 2r tt /l_ >ur >' edr ol ' l ~,lv which I prized very
highly. She had u very severe swollen leg. I tried
about eight different kinds of medicines which did
no good. I purchased a bottle of your Kendall's
Spavin Cure which cured her in four days.
I remain yours,
MARION DOWDKN.
Price $1 per bottle, or six bottles for $.•. All drug,
gists have it or can get it for you, or It will be sent
to any address ou receipt of price by the proprie
tors. DR. 11. J. KENDALL CO.,
Enoabnrgh Falls, Vermont.
A. RUDEWICK,
GENERAL STORE.
SOUTH HEBERTON, PA.
Clothing, Groceries, Etc., Etc.
Agent for the sale of
PASSAGE TICKETS
From all the principal points in Europe
to all points in the United States.
Agent for the transmission of
MONEY
To nil parts of Europe. Checks, Drafts,
and Letters of Exchange on Foreign
Banka raw Led at reasonable ratqs.
S. RUDEWICK,
Wholesale Deulcr In
Imported Brandy, Wine
And All Kind 6 Of
LIQUORS.
THE BEST
Beer,
Sorter,
-<£k.le And
Bro-wn Stcmt-
Foreign and Domestic. >
Cigars Kept on Hand. 4
S. RUDEWICK, I
SOUTH HEBERTONj
A pamphlet of Information andab- BBS
struct of the Inwß,ahuwlnu How t„V
Patent,, Cavente. Trade / J^L