Newspaper Page Text
.i! . ..t ittitntingipn._ii'llxittiL
WM. BREWSTER, ED :
Store at Dwelling to Rent at Broad
The fine large Stone Store and dwelling at
Broad Top City is now offered for rent on ver
y accommodating terms, and is one of the best
Stores in the County of Huntingdon. A very
fine business can be done at this place with
the Mines now in operation below Broad Top
City, and also with the surrounding country,
as there is no good Store within many miles
of this place, and any one keeping a good
Stock of Provisions and goods suitable for
Country use can undoubtedly do a very fine
business. To a good Tenant the Store and
Dwelling will be rented on easy terms.
, J. M. CLARK, Agent
Broad Top City
June 16, '58.-6t.
SPLENDID RAG CARPET fur 37} cts. per
yard at the cheap store of
nsoun & NcMum..
AWARDEDTHE JOURNAL JOB OFFICE
AT THE LATE FAIR, FOR
aangi Tl+l3 1?2,211ff
We request those of our subscribers whore.
eive their papers, to inform us of those in their
immediate neighborhoods who are subscribers
to the "Journal," and have failed to receive
the same, since the stealing of our pack-book,
b 3 ruffians on tha 3d of February.
W.4.lV ir iMal
WHEAT AND CORN wonted nt this
of ice . Those having either.ean dispose of the
amine by calling soon.
3 mo. 0 mo. 12 mo.
Ono mown, $3 0.1 $3 00 $8 00
Iwo BlittnrCP, 500 BUO 12 00
column, . 800 12 00 18 00
_.... I do.,'
: tlo., 18 12 00 18 00 27 00
00 27 00 40 00
STAGE LINE I,
Chambersburg to Mt, Union
The undersigned aware that a suspension"(
the line of Stages over the road between
Chambersburg and Mt, Union, cannot he but
disailrantageons to « forge section of the coun
try, has, at a considerable expense and trouble
made arrangements to ran a lino of Stages
Tri-weekly between the two points Good
Horses and comfortable Stages have been pla
ced on the route, and experienced and trusty
drivers will superintend the conning of the
Coaches. The proprietorof the line is disirons
that it he maintained, and he therefore calls
upon the public generally to patronize it. confi
dent that it will be for their mutual advantage.
Every attention necessary will he given, and
the running of the Stages will be regular.
sr Stages leave Mt, every Tuesday
Thutsday, and Satuttlny evenings, arriving at
Chamtbersburg themext dos at 2 o'clock. He
tornintii Ivavo .....
at 10 o'clock, arriving at Mt. Union the neat
creak% in time for the ears. Between Jlr. Un
ion and Shade Gap the line will he daily.
Fare through $3; to intersled points
in proportion. .1(t1IN .IAMISttN
Jan. 20th, 1858.—tf.
PRODUCING HAIR ON lIALD HEADS,
Grey Hair to its Natural Color.
This astonishing anti unequalled preparation
hos never failed to produce a growth en Bald
Reads, when need according to the direction,
and turn hair back to its original color, after
having become gray, and reinstate it in all its
original health, lustre, softness and beauty. Ro
tative, at otter all scurf, dandruff anti unpleasant
itching, scrofula, eruptions and feverish boat
from the scalp. It also prevents the hair f roe
becoming unhealthy and billing off, and hence
act, as a perfect llAtt livriaott.vrtia AND To-
A gentleman of Boston writes to his friend
in Now Beilltml thus:
To your inquiries I would reply, that when I
first commenced to use Prolesmr Wood's !lair
Restorative, toy hair was almost white, and had
been so for the last ten years and it wan very
thin on the top of toy head, and very loose, and
pulled out very freely; but I found.that ',Are
I had used all the second bottle, (Mach was
eight weeks) my hair was entirel)• changed to
its original color, light brown, and it now free
from dandruff and quite moist. I have had my
hair cut five or six times since the change, and
hate never seen anything like white hair start
ing front the roots; and it is now as thick as
it ever was, and does 110 t. cone out all. It has
proved in my cam all that I could wish to ask.
July I, 11855. Yours, e
[From the Boston Herald.]
SOMETHING Wotan KNOWING.—By using
Professor WOOII'A flair Restorative, gray hair
eon be permanently restored to its original ruler.
The subjoined certificate from Johnson & Stone
Gardiner, Maine. is but one of the many in
stances that are daily coming to our knowledge,
of its wonderful abets.
GAlrt 11Ia!ne, June 22, 1853.
DEAR Sin him; used two bottle;of Prof.
Wood's Hair Restorative, and can truly say it is
the grcatest discovery of the ago for restoring
and changing the hair. Before using it, I was
a man of seventy. My hair has uow attained
its original color, You can recommend it to the
world without the least fear, as my case was one
of tho worst kind.
DANIEL N. MURPHY.
Professor 0. J. Wood.
Ibtooar wax, Massachusetts, Jan. 12, 1855.
DEMI Ste:—Having tootle a trial of your
Hair Restorative, it gives me pleasure to say
that its effect has been excellent in removing iu
liammation, dandruff, and a constant itching
hendency, withieh I have been troubled fr -ui
childhood; and has also restored my liairwhich
was becoming grey, to its original color?. have
used no other article with anything like the
pleasure and profit. Yours truly,
J. K. BRAGG,
Pastor of the Orthodox Church, Brookfield,
[From the Missouri Democrat.]
WOOD'S lIAIR DYE.—This admirable ar
ticle is rapidly improving the hair. No article
of a similar kind, now Wore the public, enjoys
a better reputation as a restorative and invigo
rating hair tonic. Its peculiar chemical quali
ties have a beneficial enact upon the growth and
character of the hair, giving a silky and glossy
texture to that which was formerly of a coarse
and dry stature. It has, also, we understand,
tendency to preserve the youthful colcir and ap
pearance of the hair, and destroying or counter
acting the effects of old age. With such recom
mendations in its favor, wo hardly perceive how
npy lady or gentleman should be without so val
uable an adjunct to their toilet.
O. J. WOOD es CO., Proprietors, 312 Broadway
N. Y., & 114 Market st. St. Louis, Missouri.
Sala in Huntingdon by .1011 N Mean, and 11.
NICMANIOILL, and by Druggists everywhere.
Feb. to, 185P.-3m. 1.,hr.25,'57. -1y
'TOR & PROPRIETOR.
TERMS OF THE JOURNAL.
Tire "HUNTINGDON JOURNAL' is published a
the following rates
If paid in advance $1,50
If paid within six months after the time of
If paid before the expiration of the year, 2,00
And two dollars and fifty cents if not paid
till after the expiration of the year. No subscrip
tion taken for a less period than six months.
I. All subscriptions are continued until oth
erwise ordered, end no paper will be discontinu
ed, until arr•earnges are raid, except at the option
of the publisher.
e 2. Returned numbers are sever received by us.
All numbers sent us in that way aro lost, and
never accomplish the purpose of the sender.
3. Persons wishing to stop their subsexiptions,
must my up arrem•agrs, and send a written or
verbal order to that effect, to the office of pub
lication in Huntingdon
4. Giving notice to a postmaster is neither ti
egul ora proper notice.
5. After o lie or more numbers of a new year
have been forwarded, a new year hati commenc
ed, and the paper will net Le diAlontinued until
arrenragel are paid. See No. 1.
The Courts have decided that refusing to take
newspaper from the (Mice, or remoniogout
leaving it uncalled for, is rims A FACIE evidence
of intentional fraud.
Subscribers living in distant counties, or in
other Suites, will be required to pay invariably
CSTlie above terms will ho rigidly adhered
to in all rases.
Will be charged at the following rates
I tnsernon. 2 do. 3 do.
Six lines or less, $ 25 $ 37i $ 50
One sqoare, (16 lines,) 50 75 1 00
Two " (32 ) 1 00 1 50 2 00
28 00 40 00 50 00
13tisine'as Cards of six lines, or lass, $4.00.
Advertising and Job Work.
We would remind the Advertising com
munity and all others who wish to bring
their business extensively before the pub
lie ; thut the Journal has the largest cir
culation of any leper in the . county—that
it is e mstnntly increasing;—and that i
goon into the hands of our wealthiest citi
We would also state that our facilities
for executing all kinds of 3013 PLIANT-
I NG are equal to those of any other office
Oahe. county; and all Job Work entrus
ed to our hands will be done neatly,
and nt prices which will be
A SABBATH NIGHT.
love this holy time. The forest-leaves
Beneath the noiseless dews are bending low
end faintly glowing in the starlight pale
As if the vision that came o'er their sleep,
Were of the Spirit land, The mountain pine.
Has hushed its melancholy music now,
The weary winds are slumbering in the heavens
Or keeping sacred vigils on the cloud.
Far glimmering in the sunset all is still,
Save that dr distant waves are murmuring low,
Like a lost angel mourning his sad lot
01 exile from the blessed.
It is sweet,
At such an hour to wander out beneath
The eternal thy, to gaze into its.depthg,
To picture angel shapes on every star,
To listen to the mystic songs that seem
fo Faeces car to wander down to earth
Front the far gates ut Eden, and to feel
The deep and gentle spirit that pervades
The blessed air, sink like a holy spell
Upon life's troubled waters.
Hark! the boll
Tolls out the midnight! How glorious
And yet how lonely is the face of things
At this still hour of musings! Vale and hill,
And plain and stream, and lake and ancient
Upon them like a mantle. 0, 11uve,
On eves like this to kneel in solitude
At uature's shrine, The gentle dews that bathe
My brute, seem God's own Baptism, and each
That speaks in mystic eloquence from sky,
And air, and earth, and ocenn. calls the sued
To mingle with the holiness of heaven.
hat was the use of the eclipse V as.
lied a young lady' Oh it gave the sun ti e
for reflection,' replied a wag.
Here is a simple sum in addition for
yo•.t to work out. It will require dilligence
and core, and admit of no wanted time :
Add to your faith. virtue ; to knwledge
temperance ;to temperance, patienoc.
patience, godliness, to godliness, brotherly
kindness! to brotherly kindness chari•
An absent wife is thus advertised for;
'Jane, your abscence will ruin all. Think
of your husband'---your parents.- your chit
*en. Return-•-return--all stay he well
happy, At any rate, inclose the key of
the clipboard whore the gin is.'
Dr Johnson could write eloquently, on
good manners and politeness but could nev
er learn to practise them. Addison could
portray the pleasures of temperance, NM
n matchless pon, bet could not •carry his
own cap discretely.
,4 LIBERTY AND UNION, NOW AND FOREVER, ONE AND INSEPA RABLE.
HUNTINGDON, PA., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 4, 1858,
* e i ctt pi s c
c it an.
t b i e nm r e n l g i e h v e t
h d e
a b y e a fo ., 7 Ile an a
r c i a a n h pass man
must ley off Iris heart the riches of the ,
Love, Flirtation, Jealousy and Suicide. world, and consecrate them to the serv: . ce
A young man named Albert G. Eldridg o and glory of God; for it is impossible to
a resident of Toledo. committed suicide serve Him and mammon. It is much Ba
by jumping overboard from the screw stem sier for a camel to go through the '.needle's
!nor Northern Light, on her last trip down. I eye." Whet, then, will become of these
'l'he circumstances of the case are peculiar, I professors whose hearts are set on this
and show to what an extent the feelings world? Woridly-minded, money loving
may be wrought upon by that all powerful Christians, we leave you to ponder this
sentknent love. Mr. Eldridge was in con, solemn question. It is one of deep and
pony with ort pleasure party who had made eternal importance to you
the tour of Lake Superior. Among these _ .
wits it young lady from leveland, named ;
Miss ll—, daughter of a heavy forward.;
ing merchant in that city. To this young
lady, who was everything attractive and
interesting, the unfortunate young man
was devotedly attached. How long the
attachment had existed, or to what extent ;
it was reciprocated, we are not able to say
but his attentions wore very assiduous du-
ring the early portion of the trip. He
lived in the pure light of an undivided
love, and was most happy in oeing near
its object--at least so his undisguised and
open actions indicuted. All went on hap
pily untill the return of the boat, when ;
she received as a passenger, a young man,
who became acquainted with Miss ll 1
and ,hece forth devoted himself to her.
She seems to have entered into the (brut.
lion with a keen zest; so keen, in fact, that
her lover was driven into a most unntistak. 1
able fit of the blues. He spent his time 1
in tvelking the upper deck wiilt his hands
in his pockets, sitting with his feet hang.
ing over the aide, and ,leaning over the
stern, gumng into the dark troubled wa
ters, that rivalled the commotion which
that worst of all disappointments— a love
dor ided—had stirred up in his own bosom. 1
At Nlackinac the party went ashore to in
spect the Island, and wanted him to accom- 1
pany them. He moodily refused, sayin g
that he was not wanted. His conduct at—;
tracted the attention of everybody on board ;
which made his poor case worse, fur no-;
body has sympathy with the trouble of a 1
lover, except those who are bound in the
nirr u olerie „Vei r easTf'4 er . i .?”l ° .
he sat by himself on rite side of the bout,
She placed her hand upon his shoulder
and spoke to him in an, inquiring tone,
He replied that he had no desire to min.
t ie in tho diversions of his companions, 1
but would rather die at once, She replied I
kindly, desiring him not to speuk so. and
requested him to come into the cabin. In
stead of complying, he gave her one look,
and without a word .plunged 'overboard.
A scream 'from the lady brought the re.
inninder of the company to her side. Ile
was s en to struggle for a few moments
and then to sink never to rise. With the
image of his beloved before his eyes he
sprang into the cold einbrace of death
without an instant's thought or prepare.
He was a young man of good standing
in Toledo. and has been engaged in busi
ne-s there for some years. The lady in
of one of the best families in Cleveland,
and the event excited no little feeling.
Every effort was made to keep the event
still, the officers of the boat reporting that
he fell overboard accidentally, but we have
the above facts from passengers who came
down, on the boat, who were cognizant of
circ uma•trinces from begining to end.--De
(roil Free Press July 20.
THE NEEDLE'S EYE AND CAMEL .
'it is easier for a camel it go through
the eye of a needle, than for a rich man
to enter into the kingdom of heaven."
There are thousands who read this pas.
sage, but receive from it no definite idea.
Various explanations have been given of
it, none of which ever seemed to us to con.
vey the true meaning, showing the beau
ty and force of the figure. All admit that
it is impossible for a camel to go through
a needle's eye, yet we cannot doubt that
some men who are rich will be saved.
We have met, somewhere in our reading,
with an explanation that we regard as
probably the true one, which is this:
We are informed by travellers. that all
the cities of the East are surrounded by
high and massive walls. At certain points
these walls he ve passways for the exit and
entrance of the inhabitants. These pass
ways, in times of peace, were open in the
day, but closed at night. By the side of
these large entrances were those that were
much smaller, used by foot passengers
and those who had occasion to go in and
mat night, they were called the "needle's
eye." A camel, without any burden, can
pass through these, yet with much diffi
culty, Now it is not impossible for a rich
man to enter heaven; for we trust that
there are many already in the Paradise of
God, who consecrated their wealth to the
service of Christ, and looked to Him alone
for salvation, But just as the camel attest
A day or two ago a youthful pair arri
ved in the city from ' , dawn the river," and
repairing to Justice NlcFall's office Jeman•
detl that he should marry them. 'l•he ma
gistrate informed them that he would be
at their set vice in a few minutes ; but
they were so urgent :hat he deferred the
business in hand, and leo pi: g into the hack
with the twain, rode to his residence on
Court street. The girl had three trunks
brought in from the hack and taken up the
stairs, where she followed wi!h a bandbox
or two, and in the course of an hour de
scended in full toilette, more rural than
modish, however, with red ribbons lying
all about her still redder face.
Iler lover, in the meantime, was so
overjoyed with the prospect at approach
ing bliss, that he had sent out for two bot
tles of brandy and three of wine, and had
eat down with the justice to await the pe
riod when his inamorata would appear.—
The Inver drank copiously, which, added
to his excess of happiness, soon turned
his head completely, and when the damsel
came down, he had grown quite drunk,
aml was dancing a jig with his coat off ,
in the middle of the floor.
Beholding the bedizened fair, he ran to
ward•her, and clasped her in his arias with
a strength that would have caused Lilo
death of a city dame. She returned his
pressure, when he capered about the room
more lively than ever, and imbibed half n
pint of brandy at a single draught. In.
deed, he grew so "happy" that he could
not be kept long enough • in one place
he was so weak in the knees that it was
necessary to support him while the service
was perfumed, Respectable S oeiety
To the question, “Will you take this ' , We heard a inns, otherwise intelligent
woman to be your wedded wife ?" he re- Somebody has written a book on the a r t I enough, lately sneer at another, 'because,
plied, "Why, why, hic-cer•cer-certainly; of making people happy without money. I said he, "one never meets him in r espee
if l•I-hic-wouldn't, wh-wh-what-hic-the We are in an excellent condition to be ex- I fable society!" The speaker did not mean
devil would-would 1 be-hic-here for, say petimented upon. I however, that the person he affected to
Squire-hie ?" look down upon was immoral, but merely
The ineltrity of the husband seemed to 'Sally,' said a young man to a damsel, I that his circle of intimates were nut coin- ,
amuse the wife much, who clapped her' who had red hair, 'keep away from me, o r poesd of the fashionable or the rich.
hands in glee and exclaimed, in the most you will set me afire.' 'No danger of that ' 'Phis notion o f what anstitues respects.
rustic style, "Oh I laws. ain't he drunk, was the answer, 'you are too green to We society is quite a favorite one with the
and gosh, but he's funny. I hope he'll burn.' • class of individuals whom Thackeray has
get so often—we'll have good times then ' ..__ Iso significantly called "snobs." Empty
After the ceremony. the husband took The woman who undertook to scour pretence always making its own eharac•
another large potation, and in attempting the woods has abandoned the job, owing teristics a standard• by which it strives to
to kiss his wife, embraced the Magistrate to the high price of soap. The last that *me , sure the respectability of persons at
the first time, and fell upon the floor, and , tens heard of her she was skimming the large. In a community of intro 'money- ,
thereupon the muscular McFall, fearing sea. 1 getters, wealth is the test of respectability.
the conscqnences of his drunkenness, pick- i I Among the proud, narrow minded, effete
ed up Benedirle in his arms and carried i Take a company of boys chasing butter-
nobility of the Faubourg St. Germain,
him to the hack, amid the laughter of the flies; put long tailed coats on the boys nod respectability depends upon owing deuces
girl consort, who took her seat beside her turn the butterflies into guineas, and you (hints from ancestors who have marrteo
lord, still indulging her risibilities to the ' have a beautiful panorama of the world. • their cousins for su inacy centuries that
fullest extent.---Cincinnati lnqiiiter. The man who planted himself on his neither muscles nor brains are left any
, longer to degenerate decendants. Wi•li
good intentions has not yet sprouted.
the dandy-officers who constitute a consid
erable portion of the Amnrican Navy re
spectability consist in having sponged on
"Uncle Sam," in wearing gilt buttons,
and in jilting tailors. Every conceited
fool thinks himself, in like way, the only
man realy weighty, the only person who
But true respectibility depends on no
such neventitious circumstaroes. To bo
respectable is to be worthy of respect;
and hedeserves respect who hes most vir
tue. The humblest man who bravely
does his duty, is more worthy of respect,
is more truly respectable, than the cove
! tous millionaire among his money bags, or
the arrogant monarch upon his throne --
The fine lady who backbites tier neigh
bor is less worthy of respect than an hon
est washerwoman. The profligate noble,
though he may wear a dozen orders at
I his button hole, is not often really as res
pectable as the shoe-black who cleans his
boots. That which is called -the world'
exalts the one and despises the other, but
it does not mike thew respectable accor
ding to the real meaning of that word...-
! Their respectability is but a hollow sham,
as they themselves frequently feel ; and
those who worship them bow down to a
Fetish, a thing of feathers and tinsel.--
The selfish idle drone, who wastes life in
his own gratification, and dissipates the
fortune of his progeny, is not and cannot
be.respectable ; but the hard-worsting self
denying father, who wears out his life to
bring up his children is, even though Ito
be but a day labeler. Nothing ran mkt
From Douglass Jerrold's Witer Humor.
romen and IParriors.—With women
as with warriors, there's no robbery—all's
irmson.—Treason is like &anions;
there's nothing to be made of it by the
The Sweetest Phtin.—ln all the wed•
ding-cake, hope is the sweetest of the
Broken Character —The character
that needs low to mend it is hardly worth
./1 /and of plenty.—Earth is here so
kind, that, just tickle her with a hoe sad
she laughs with a harvest.
Second ntarringes.—l'vo hoard say
wedlock's like wine—not to be properly
judged of till the second glass.
Damp Sheets.—To think that two or
three yards of damp flax should so knock
down the majesty of man.
A very rogue.--Had he to cut his neigh
, bors throat, he'd first sharpen his knife on I
the church marble. I • A Polite Boy —The other day we were
Jewels...-It's my belief that women was I riding in a crowded car. At one of the
made, jewels were invented only to make stations an old gentleman entered, and was
her the more mischievous. looking about him for a seat, when a lad
A wedding gown.—After all, there is l ten or twelve years of age; rose up and
something about a' wedding gown prettier said, 'take my seat sir,' The offer was ac
than any other gown in the world. cepted,und the infirm old man sat down.
11 binding promise.--He kissed her 'Why did you give me your seat?' he in.
and protnisel Such beautiful lips ! Man's I quired of the boy. Because you aro old
usual fate—he was lost upon the coral sir, and lam a boy, was the quick re- I
reef. . ply. The passengers were very much
Maids and wives.---Women are all alike. pleased and gratified. For my part, I
When they're maids they're mild as wanted to seize hold. of him, and Inez, him
milk ; once make 'emit wives, nod they to my bosom.
lean their hacks against their marriage
certificates, and defy you.
Woman's love of dress.--• Ask a woman
to a tea party in the Garden of Eden, and
she'd be sure todmw up her eye-lids and
scream, .1 can't go. without a new gown.'
How TO POP TILE QUESTION.—Gmcious 1
sez .it's now time to look after Nance.'
'Next day, down I wont. Nance was
alone and I axed her if the squire was in?
She said he was't.
,Cause,' said I, making her believe that
I wanted him, 'our colt has sprained his
foot, and I came to see if the squire would
lend me his mare to go to town'
She said sl:e gunned he would. I'd better
sit down and wait till the squiro coins in.
Down I sot; she looked sorter strange,
and my heart felt mighty queer around the
.Are you going down to Betsy Miller's
quilting?' after a while sez she.'
Sez I 'reckon I .vould.'
Sez she, 'Suppose you'll take Patience
Sez mought, and then I moughten't
Sez she, heard you was going to get
Sez I, 'I wouldn't wonder a bit.'
I looked at her and saw the tear cues
St'z 1, Mmy be she'll ax you :o be brides
She riz up, she did—her face was red
as a beet Seth Sticks!' and she couldn't
say anything more. she was so full.
Won't you be bridesmaid, Nance?' I
. 'No,' sez she. and burst right - out.
'Well then,' sez I, .if you won't be the
bridesmaid, will you be the bride?'
She looked at ine—l swon I never saw
anything so awful puny. I t Kik right
holt of her hard.
'Yes or no,' sez I, 'right off.'
.That's the sort ,' sez 1, and gave her
'lies. 1 fixed matters with the squire. We
soon bitched traces to trot in double liar.
• ness for life, and I never had cause to re
pent my bargain.
N (IT 11 FA CY. 1 Horace Walpole once' said : 'ln my
youth I thought of writing a entire en
There is only ;
one bad wife in the world i
, should write an apology for them.'
and every crusty husband thinks that she
has fallen to his lot. I
An editor acknowledges the receipt of
a bottle of brandy forty-eight years old,
and says: 'This brandy is so old that we
very much fear it cannot live much lon
The following extraordinary example of
eccentricity is related by a Swedish jour
nal ; 'Di. Rhuders, physician, has set
to music the palpitations and irregular
beatings of dm heart of a fetual,i who is a
patient in the hospital at Upsal. l'his
disease, written in musical note% with qua
vers and semi-quavers, forms,' says the
journal, a kind of waltz, and is of the grea
test curiosities iu pathological anatamy.
An old bachelor of ninety•eight, who
j is hale and hearty, gives as a reason for
his youthful appearance, that he has ever
remonstrated against having anything to
j do with that which tended to marriage.
It is said that one of the editors of the
Lewisburg Chronicle, soon after he went
to learn the printing business, went to see
n preacher's daughter. The next time he
attended meeting, he was considerably as
tonished at hearing the minister announce
as his text, 'My daugter is grievously tor
mented with a devil.'
At a Virginia prayer-meeting, the cho
rister being absent, the presiding elder,
whose name was Jester, called upon one
of the deacons and said, after reading a
Will you raise a tune.
The deacou lifted up his voice, but• to
stead of singing at once, he inquired:
What's the metre.'
This Ining satifactorily answered, Dea
con Moon pitched the tune.
'Donald,' said a Scoth dame, looking up
from catechism to her son, What's a
slander?' gude mither ' quoth young Don
ald twisting the corner of his plaid, 'aweel,
I hardly ken, unless it be may hap, an ower
true tale which one gude . .w oman tells of
An exchange paper tells the following
of a person who prefaced his sermon with
'My dear friends, let us say a few words
before we begin. "Phis is about equal to
the chap who took a short nap before he
went to sleep.
It has been thought that people are de
generating, because they don't live as long
as in the days of Methuselah. But the
fact is, provisions aro so high thnt nobody
can afford to live very long at the current
Impudent little boy (to very fat old gen
tleman, who is trying to get along us fast
as he can, but with very indifferent auccess
•I say old follow, you would pet on a jolly
sight quiclrer,if you would lie down on
the pavement, and let me roll you along.'
VOL. XXIII. NO. 32
Dives fit to lay on Abraham's bosom while
Laznrus is welcomed there, even with the
sores the dogs have !irked.
The fals vie; of life, which would measure
respectability by a conventional standard,
is totally nt variance with our republican
institutions. It creates nn "imperium in
intperio," for while the law declares all
citizens equal, it erects a social standard
which endeavors to Ignore that great truth
The course. brutish, knavish, profligate
criminal—in short. all who fell short of
their duty to themselves and their fellow
men--are those who are not "respectable
and this, whether they are rich or poor.
While those who live honestly, and strive
to do what good they can, constitute to
reality the respectable class, irrespective
of the fact whether they eat with silver
forks or steel ones.
ear Sidney Smith said of a great talk
her, that it would greatly improve him if
he had now and then 'a few flashes of si
A Rare Event.---The convincing of a
man that he is wrong, by direct argumen
DIFFICULT TO TUlLS.—Kirtvan says that a
pious Scotehman used to pmy,"o Lord, keep
me right; for thou knoweet Igo wrong, it in
very Mud to turn me."
A CURIOSITY.—We lied in an exchange
the following singular couplet, in which a
part of the letters do double service :
cur f b d dis and p
A sed lend rought eath case sin
bles fr b br and ag
Mr' A young man without money,
among ladies, is like the moon on a clou
dy night—he can't shine.
ffer A witness tuns asked whether the
defendant stood on the defensive.
•No, sir,' said he, 'he said he stood on a
bench and' fit like the devil.'
LA Punster says': 'My name is
Somerset, lam miserable Indictor. I
cannot marry. for how could I hope to
'Husband, I hope you have no objec
tions to my getting weighed I"Certainly
not, my dear; but why ask the question
,Only to see, my love, if you would allow
me me to have my weigh for onoe.'
Icy- A farmer said to a barber that he
ought to reduce his prices, now, that corn
was cheap. No siree, said the shaver,
for when corn is low, farmers make such
long faces that I have twice the ground t o
A Tenor? 0N.Z , 1 gentleman travel
ing 'down east' overtook a farmer dragging
a lean, wretched looking horned sheep a
long the road :
'Where are you going to with that mis
erable animal ?' asked he.
.1 am taking him to the mutton mill to
have him ground over,' said the farmer.
'The mutton-mill ! I never heard of
such a thing. • I will go pith you and
witness the process.'
They arrived at the mill, the sheep was
thrown alive into the hopper, and they al
most instantly disappeared. They then
decended to a lower apartment, and, m a
few moments, there were ejected from the
spout in the ceiling, four quarts of excel.
lent mu:ton ; two sides of morocco loather,
a wool hat of tho first quality, sheep's
head, handsomely dressed and two elegant
ly carved powder horns.
Were it not for the fact !tat the above
is ain the papers; we should leel disposed
to dispute it.
Der What aro the four qualifications
that fit n sheep to become a member of the
Jockey Club ? Because he is bred on the
turf, gambols in his youth, associates with
black legs, and is fleeced at last.
illerThe young man who had crossed
in love lost week says if it were not for
getting wet he would drown himself! . Ho
will probably compromise the matter by
ehootig himself in a looking-glass.
ear A!r. ShillUderMlls the following
rather remarkable gun story.
Speaking to day with a sun of a gun.
regarding some gunning exploits, lie told
Inc of a singular instance of a gun hang
ing lire, winch were it not for his bell
known veracity, I should feel disposed to
doubt: Ile had snapped his gun at a grey
squirrel and the cap had exploded, but the
piece not going off, lie took it from his
shoulder, looked down into the barrel, and
saw the charge just sinning, when bring-
ing it to his shoulder met more, it went
eh and killed the squirrel.