f m i j/JP
.v.. ' /- y
A- / r - '* f ...
THE BUTLER CITIZEN.
VOL. XXX.
Special to the Trade.
GRAND
BARGAIN SALE.#-
This sale is a grand clearance sale. I will soon start East and be
fore going I wish to reduce my stock, so I have gone through
all goods and have placed on sale a large lot of Men's, La
dies', Boy's, Misses' and Children's Shoes and Oxfords
to fit and suit all and at extremely low prices.
Bargain seekers should not let this grand op
portunity pass by a? these are greater
bargains than ever before offered.
Full stock of Gent's fine Russia
Calf Shoes, lace or Bluchcr style, at
$2.75 to $4.00. Full stock of La
dies' Russia Calf Bluchers, emmon
sense or piccadilly style, at $2.00 to
$3.50, all styles and widths. Our
stock of Ladies'and Misses' Oxfords
is larger than ever before, prices 75c
to $2.50. Men's Black Oxfords at
SI.OO. Men's Tan Oxf'irds at $1.25.
Men's Southern Tics at $1.50. Full >c~. of
Men's Dongola and Wine Color Creole shoes at
$1.50. Men's Fatent Leather Shoes at $3.50. Men's
Patent Leather Pomps at $1.25. Our stock of Men's Fine
Shoes is large and prices very low. M n's Calf Shoes $1.50,
any style. Men's Kangaroo shoes $2.50; h.vi'l ->< vv-i Cord' vans $4.
J±JSr> MANY OTHER BARGAINS.
At all times a full stock of our own make box-toe boots and shoes.
BOOTS AND SHOES MADE TO ORDER. REPAIRING NEATLY DONE,
Orders by mail will receive prompt attention.
When in need of anything in my line give me a call.
JOHN BICKfCL.
128 SOUTH MAIN STREET. BUTLER. PENN'A
ARE ARE
YOU "WW YOU
ALIVE AWARE
TO YOUR THAT SHREWD
OWN INTEREST? ~?fBUYERS OF CLOTH
DO YOU REFLECT "Vs&l&n, ' ING INSIST UPON HAV
THAT YOU SHOULD ttt ING THE GARMENTS OF
HAVE THE LATEST AND ft THE MANUFACTURER
BEST THAT THE MAN- I WHERE STYLES AND MERIT
UFACTURE PRODUCES? I ARE CLEARLY STAMPED?
We do not force upon you the production of inferior makers
which differ as "Skim Milk does from Cream."
We handle the best at lowest possible prices.
DOUTHETT & RA H AM,
New Clothing House,
Cor. Main and Cunningham Sts., Butler, Pa.
This is a perfect picture of our new
Furniture and Housefiirnishiiur Goods
house. One of the largest and most
complete stores of the kind in Western
Pennsylvania.
FURNITURE:
We have all kinds, Parlor Suites, Bedroom 1
Suites, Hall Racks, Dish and Book Cases,
Side Boards, Dining Tables, Chairs, Baby
Buggies, Refrigerators, &c, &c.
QUEENS WARE: j
Decorated Dinner Sets, Tea Sets, Plain 1
White Dinner Sets, Decorated and Plain '
White Toilet Sets from $4.50 to SIO.OO. \
Ask to see our Toilet Set at ss.oo,cheapest j
and best in the world. Lamps, &c.
HOUSEFURNISIIINU GOODS: !
Cook Stoves and Ranges, Tinware, Wood
en Ware, ike. Don't fail to see our new
range the "Perfect,"one of the best cook (
stoves and ranges on the market for tne
money. Every stove warranted.
Campbell & Tempieton,
■ LEWIS M. Kinrrxra, L£
Bouth Har'.xick, it. Y.
■ BOILS, CARBUNCLES"
A \D S
* TORTURING ECZEMA,
m Completely Cured! ||
■■DANA 8A?.- WAKILLA O » , 3
L Cent- —i « ... ar*-> <lh4d ,4 Lnfiplppr" ;
E^whi' , h mo»t h-.. iiuituncd suy si I-•
■TU P nit "Nhincli / af-H
■- 1 1 ■ tirijti -r* 'tton. It k a.tr?e===
I of Qr. i maHrinw btf they irfl ir-c
not to work.
1 l zJft. <] vrthi—'.
■IX I I-/ |»oIU v hid mx an 1 tuo fur*m
_ hanrlen u! «#n«* (imp. 1 tr. -i *vry.' log Hi
! gj?r I rouid h**r of but«• nt.i.ued to have botls. f—=
■TU AT I "rran
• nrv 1 tOTUv -U*d : uigUt and day, thePP
wei interiM*. I hid poitia in r ,7hf
|B*«j< «jj(J .. k, coaii iiial hi'iiduchc. IMB
IP! IPPQ »m '!■ uaf-d At vt I*
VJ nCO hwdi.r DANA S SAiIgAPA-r
1 HUiLL.v, corumeottd un:>v it, ar-d t», (idrdl
S bottle completely < I ttKIl r» . S
I S \our» rr«p*rtfu!ly.
rn LKWIM M EDMUNDS. ■
3 fcmih lUrtwirk, N. Y.
mm The trulii c t t LI above it citified to hj
■ ii. K. ffOLBKOOK, P. M. ■
bvuili Hartwick, N. Y. =1
B Dana Sarsaparilla Co., Belfast, Main*. N|
feed. For prices aod terms. Ad
drees,
J. W. MILLER,
131 Mtrccr St., Butler' Pa.
SPRING
STYLES
RE A DY.
-.A
YOU WILL CERTAINLY
HAVE A SUIT ADE TO
ATTEND THE WORLD'S
FAIR. YOU CAN AF
FORD IT, WHEN YOU
SEE THE SPLEN
DID ASSORT
ENT OF
ATERIAL,
AND THE MOD
EKATE PRICE A'l
YOU A SUIT THAT IS
CORRECT TO THE LATEST
DECKEL OF FASH ION.
Aland's,
Tailoring Establishment.
C. & D.
ALWAYS
Take int'i consideration that. money
saved in 11K iih money tamci.
Tbe Mt. wu) to rav nionoy h ;o
buy (rood ..i the ' priet;
The only r>-uhmi thai our trade !h
inerfuhiriir e-diHtitiitiv the fuel that
we bundle onlj of <|tiality
and hi-11 thrin at rcrv l<>\v prieen
We hitve taken unu u>;l cire to
proviite cv Tvihiu/ n* i.i llutH and
Poruibhinfr (ioodw • ibi«
and ur we hive eontrl <\ mnDy
et-peeUlly (food triie!> i Jiotii I'neti
W« cijfi fi yu if Colli'- to
Uft.
VVe eonfidi-iii!v that in j'. tii:<-
to'heniri'lv(.- uii jiuii buaerH -hould
innjiect «.iii gooii.4
Vi. it uh,
COLBERT & DALE,
242 S Vi iin
liuMcr, 'a,
N OIT [<•!<;!
YTT j Tl" WRI.Ii-
W Apt 7 £T n
■ ■ f| I I it craplicr; 'ormcrly
XX \J X ViJ ■ 1 in- In ,i<t i>l tlio
' Wcrlz It aril in a n
Art (!<>., will open a Stadia and Photo I'ar
lors oppiiiiilo tlio IIot«;l I>nwry, Cor, Main
and JcfferHon Bt*., liatlor, l'a Thin will
Im the host li((!iti!(l and equipped Studio
anil gallorlrn in tho thu county. The work
will lie Htrietly lirnt clan and t;i 1 under
new f'ormulm tiy the artint liiin i 11, who
lian had ir> year practical experience in
lartfo cltie* Portrait* in Oil, Crayon,
Sepia, I'anttd, <tc. In thin line we have
no competition, Our portrait* are made
by hand in our own Htndio, from fitting*
or from photo -. Our work ha* reached
the bit;bent standard of r;;cellenco and
in not to bo compared v. ith the cheap ma
chine made picture* furni lied by other*.
Wiiit for u*; got your picture* from u* and
be happy.
L. & McJIJNKIN,
lusiirann- anil Heal I-. U-'l
17 EaST JtKrKBSOM .-;T.
DUTLEK, - I'vV.
* Tk*w%r*
THE FBIBBIES' FOURTH.
IJY It. L. KETCHtTM.
Mr. Frisbie set down his cup with a
satisfied sigh, and, leaning- back in
his chair, smiled blandly at Mrs. Fris
bie, who beamed at him from behind
the coffee pot. Then he took a sweep
ing glance around the board at the lit
tle Frisbies, who, for the moment*
were not making any noise.
Mr. Frisbie cleared his throat im
pressively. "My dear," said he, "I have
a little plan." And he smiled broadly
and rubbed his hands together.
'"Yes?" said Mrs. F., interrogatively.
"To-morrow will be the Fourth,"
went on the head of the house, ponder
ously, "and I have a plan to propose
for spending the day. This beating of
armns and screaming of fifes, this
I I'" 3 *? and confusion
I L V. and sound of aNeged
/..~4ißt music are all very
painful to me, and I
have stood it as
«PPlHlK»Ff2ilK> rnan y times aj> I pro
; V | pose to. The Fourth
- j'> °' a farce,
farce —not in
Ifcfcoewv. its sentiment, un
'Vbk fourth 13 a derstand me not
rxnoc, madam." a t a ]i. No one is
more patriotic than I. l>Jt it has been
turned into a day devoted to noise and
turmoil and conrusion, which is wrong
and we ought to discountenance, by
good example, the present way of cele
<u mim -mr national holiday. My
dear, let's all go down into the coun
try, away from all this racket, »nd
have a quiet, jolly little time all by
ourselves. I know just the place to go.
9ne of our customers, who lives at a
little cross-roads about twenty miles
out, lias invited us to come and spend
the day with him. What do you Nay?"
Of course Mrs. Frisbie and the chil
dren were delighted, and it was im
mediately decided that Papa Frisbie
was a iirick to think of this plan.
There was not much time in which
to get ready. Mr. Frisbie thought no
preparations were necessary beyond
the purchase of the fireworks that he
conceded to be indispensable to a
proper celebration of the Fourth, but,
Of coarse, Mrs. Frisbie, woman-like,
thought of a thousand
things that had to be < jflr
attended to, and, all ■d&Xjfc
that long day, while
l'apa Frisbie was run- 'r;.
ning around Uut city ]P4cjf
laying in fireworks CjfSgaa*'-
and things. Mamma jsjrffiß '
baked and cooked and Mf 1 ;
mixed and stirred,
getting things ready sL—
for the picnic that was mil r i.cccino
deemed necessary to this tihewohks,
the success of the expedition. Papa
Frisbie came home late for dinner,
tired and footsore, and very cross.
Mamma Frisbie was almost exhausted
and in a condition bordering on hyster
ics, and Mamie, who had been obliged
to help her mother in the kitchen, was
in a very disagreeable rnood, and
snapped at the younger Frisbies, who
were never very good, and who, now,
in the excess of their exuberance,
were positively fiendish.
At a late hour that night, Mamma
Frisbie decided that all the necessary
preparations were made, and fell into
bed with a sigh of relief— but not to
sloe p. She was too tired to sleep; be
sides, some of the little Frisbies, who
slept in adjoining rooms, were very
-*<4 wakeful, and per-
J|H JL slsted, in spite of
protests, in carry-
Al W) K" n h hrlll voiced
/I'll eonversations about
Brf/llif || 'll~ the coming treat.
■ Moreover, Mamma
I 4 '( ffl' \ Frisbie was one of
—I I / those nervous peo
|j * I fc- pio who are afraid
H I. f —' rr- tj lH alarm clock
MH. r . OKTS UP to SKK ~ _ .
tiik tims won t gooff at the
right time, and who
think it their duty to lie awake and
wait for the clock to show that it is
still to be depended on.
Finally, about the time the small
hours were beginning to think of get
ting larger, she fell asleep, only to be
awakened in about five minutes by Mr.
Frisbie, who had gotten up to see what
time, it was.
"James, do come back to bed and
keep quiet, can't you?"
James came back to bed and <juiet
feigned for a time. Then, about an
hour before the alarm clock was due
to ditclare itself, the boom of cannons
and the sputter of firecrackers an
nounced the glorious Fourth, und the
Frisbie family arose because they could
(lo nothing else None of them awoke
particularly good-natured, and the
t/vay the little Frisbies acted about get-
Title Kins noLixui pounds, galloped
to uxtku oij ahead to secure
tickets, while
mamma and Mamie and the cook toiled
along with the bankets and hampers
and cuffed and herded the band of
young Frisbies, who were Inclined to
loiter, despite their eagerness to get
lUTTLER, PA.,FRIDAY, JUNE 30, 1893.
They arrived at the little cross-road
station safely, much to Mamma
Frisbie's relief. There was no convey
ance waiting to take them to the farm,
so they had to wait about the station
until it arrived. This interval was
improved by the small Frisbies to good
advantage, so that by the time the big
wagon arrived Willie had smeared his
nice new eight dollar suit wifch axle
grease, Freddie had hurt his finger
fooling around with a coupling-pin,
and Alec created some excitement by
falling afoul of a big yellow dog, who
resented the young man's attentions,
and showed his re
sentment by tak- ~
lng a mouthful of
leg and trousers —
mostly trousers,
fortunately; dogs
are partial to ¥9Jw
pants.
landed at the alec and the yellow
farmhouse, in fair- doo.
ly ood condition, and Papa and
Mamma Frisbie thought their troubles
were over, but this is where they made
a mistake. Mr. F. had hardly got
ten settled, to smoke a restful cigar
with his host, and his better half to
indulge in a little talk with the
hostess, when theie was a wild
scream from the barnyard, whither
some of the youngsters had lluvvji im
mediately upon their arrival. There
was a rush to the rescue on the part of
all hands.
Small Janet had had the temerity,
urged and abetted by her brothers, to
make faces, at
" U,~, close range, at a
lordl y turkey gob
bier, and now, with
CJfo, braids flying and
<Vjtf&v -f/reyes starting from
'•-'■f* * her- head, was tlee
ing from the bird's
**■ wrath, her short,
fat legs making but
££&t— indifferent time,
wuo BAir, "ooßßßr.r- wh „ B Afr (jo bbler
was gainiag upon her at every step,
looking fierce enough to frighten even
an older person than five-year old
Janet.
Janet was rescued and her parents
went back to the house to rest and en
joy themselves, and bad gotten com
fortably seated when another scream
brought them to their feet. This time
It came from the mill pond, close by,
and the way Papa Frisbio made time
in that direction was well worth see
ing.
It was Mamie, this lime. Mamie
wan nix toon, an<l felt herself <piit« a
young lady. Mr IlilliugM, the host,
had a younger brother who worked in
IHH ittore, and thia callow youth imme
diately fell a victim to the charms of
the elder daughter of tlie houne of
Frinbie.who proud
ly took poMleHHlon
of him. Together
they wandered
down to the pond
to take a row, and
then arid there did
Mamie proceed to
step backward off
the landing Into
MAVII IA KM A BATH
to soak her thor
outfhly, new hat, new dr«-HN and all.
Before dinner-time came, Alee ha<l
another accident. Thin time he fell
out of the hayloft and nprained hi»
wrUt, thereby succeeding in placing
to IIIH credit another nenxation. Willie
was hutted hy a frolic Rome hull-calf,
Juat hefore the bell rnntf for dinner,
but thi» affair \vo« pf Nuiall moment,
at> kin appetite exceeded IIIH desire for
aympathy.
When, after much bustle ami con
fusion, they were all (with the excep
tion of Mamie, who was hiding her
mortification and drying her clothes),
bundled into the wagons, with the
prospect of a day outdoors and supper
In the woods, over by the creek,
where l'apa Frlsbie proposed to
fli.li, there was another diversion.
Clouds began to gather, and it
was quite apparent that it was go
ing to rain. It did rain, too, and tlyy
all got pretty wet, *
and by the time it . "y, II
stopped raining, ~ir ' '
ami their clothes
were dry, it was too jL*IBSHBPBu
late to tliiri 1c of a
ground hadn't iieen
'I lien Freddie and A CAI.r STKIKKH OTTT
Willie sneaked out WIM.II
to play in the mud with the results
usual in a case of that kind, plus a
spunking administered by their lon(f
--sufferlng mother.
Hut the pyrotechnics made the howl
ing success of the day. If there was
anything- l'apa Frlsbio prided himself
on, it was ids ability to handle fire
works.
lie did very well at first, and the au
dience on tlie veranda eaeored witli
vigor his feats with a long Itortian can
dle and a couple of rockets. Then he
tackled a pin-wheel, a big fellow that
seemed inclined to run things for
itself; tur, before Mr. Frisbie gave it
the word,and just as soon as he touched
a match to it it kicked out behind,
jumped around in the air and fell back
Into the bijf bo* of fireworks.
Hero wan a deiuoiiftlratlon! It <lid
not laku .Mr. i'riflKo luuu to decide
c that h1 8 P res "
ence was no
longer re
. quired, anil he
sad to re
across the cro-
THF. tsu ' que t ground,
and struck at 'least one wicket. At
any rate, be hit the ground quite hard,
and there he lay and howled for help,
while Roman candles shot liirn, and
roekets kicked him, and every other
devilish invention in that box came
forth and smote him hip and thigh.
At two o'clook a. m., July 5, as
Mrs. Frisbio, having put the children
to bed, with hands endeavored
i to alleviate the bufferings of her lord
and master, that person expressed his
sentiments In regard to the way some
people spend the Fourth.
I '"Mph!" he said, in a tone of deep
disgust. "Just like a woman. Weren't
satisfied, of course, to stay decently in
town, but bad to go chasing off into
the blooming country. Catch me in
dulging any more of your crazy freaks!"
Mrs. Frisbie, who is a meek little
woman, didn't say a word.
A .luT«.fillr KdlMon.
Mrs. Wayback -That weather-vane
that peddler sold you ain't worth
shucks. It don't point toward the
wind at all. It points just the other
Mr. Wayback—lsy Jinlcs, that's sot
Th' wind is from the south, and that
tin rooster points north, sure as guns.
Little Son- I'll tell you how to fix it,
pop. Take it down, and cut it into the
shape of a cow. Cows always turn tail
to the wind.—Good News.
A Connldrratc (Jurat.
Old Party—Thank you, Antoine—
thank you very much. Ah—do they
allow tipping here?
Antoine Oui, m'sier.
Old I'arty—And are the guests lib
eral?
Antoine—Non, m'sier, ze rule is zo
ozzaire way.
Old Party—Very well, Antoine, here
is a cent for you. 1 do not wish to
break the rules. -Harper's Weekly.
Not Iter fault.
"Is Miss Moralngside l'ark married
yet?" asked a New York gentleman,
who has just returned afteran absence
of several years.
"No, but she could have married one
of the richest men in New York, if lie
had only been willing," was the reply
of Ilostetter McGinn is, to whom the
question was addressed.—Texas Sift
ings.
i:i|H<rlmtlit Dorct.
"You see that young couple in front
of us? Well, they're just married."
"How do you know?"
"Ueeiiuse lie treads so carelessly on
the skirt of lior dress."
"lint that is no sign."
"Oh, yes, it is. He'll be much more
careful as soon as he finds out what
her dri-sses cost."- Fliege»nde Itlaet
ter.
"I'OKTRAIT OF A I.AIIVJ
Excellent likeness of the woman
who docs not talk about other women.
—Detroit Free I'ross.
Ilia Chiimrlrr.
Lady—So your husband is in jail
again?
Poor Woman—Yes, ma'am.
"He does not seem to be a man of
very stable character."
"Well, I don't know as to that, mum.
He's a hostler."-—N. Y. Weekly.
Court Ktli|iiett«*.
Nettby I suppose you know what
the bull said to the tennis player, don't
you?
Oonrtby No, I can't say I do. What
Wtt« it?
Nettby—l'm on to your little racket,
my boy.—Town Top ice.
Not ICvrii 111. Itlr*»ll>ar.
"tic's iiu awful miser. I never heard
of him giving uuything away in his
life."
"Didn't he give his daughter away
when she was married?"
"His daughter eloped."—Hoston
Globe.
l.nrrjr'* l.aniant.
"Wurral Wurra!" groaned Larry.
' Dad luck to the day I was bor-r-n!
Here's thiiu bank* all l>ui.tin' up an'
me not got a ciut in anuy wan av 'em."
—•Chicago Tribune.
Vturlliv «.r ftripirtl.
I've rra<l th" poet* of the day
With all my main anrt ralnht,
Inil for tny I ivoi'llc I chouuo
The onn who does not write.
, —Judge.
juht cuoiitfh water
land. Is often re*
(\' i 3\ ferred to as the
Cy prototype of
our declaration of independence.
1 Fourth of Julv orators draw much of
their inspiration from this old spring
of English constitutional liberty. It
will be in keeping' with the traditions
of Independence day to visit the place
made memorable as the spot where the
great English bill of rights was
wrested from King John by the bold
and liberty-loving barons. Rofore
visiting Runnymede, let us take a look
at the neighboring castle of King John
and a glimpse of the surrounding coun
try.
The valley of the Thames boasts of
but one tall, overhanging cliff, apd
rising from this lofty plateau (twenty
three miles west of London) the noble
gray walls, pinnacles, battlements and
towers of Windsor make up the most
sightly object in the whole landscape
of England. The castle rises from the
■wooded cliff, like a vision of enchant
ment. Its immense range and pic
turesque outline drawn against the
sky recall youth's delightful pictures
of fairyland. There is a mile of castel
lated wall between the old black cur
few tower at our right and the palace
at our left constituting the state
apartments.
Standing on the roof of the great
central round tower of the old gray
Keep of Edward Plantagenet, the
crowning edifice of the castle, ajid
with the scenes around us where poor,
mad George 111., deserted by his chil
dren, wandered aimlessly about with
wild eyes and long white beard, be
wildered and crazed, and knowing noth
ing except that he was utterly misera
ble, I asked myself if American Fourth of
July- orators did not let their patriotism
run away with them when hurling
fiercest Jnvcctives against the King
Lear of the eighteenth century.
In this country, however, command
ing the prospect, we see little but
landscape; in Europe we see history.
One looked through a vista of a thou
sand years in the view from Windsor
castle- On the north t»ide, flowing be
low the castle cliff, is the historio
Thames. On its opposite bank, Eton
and its famous schools. Yonder ia
Slough, where, with field glass, you
may see the home of the elder Hershel.
There is the many-gabled roof of
Ilainpden, whose hero defied a king and
precipitated the English revolution.
Yonder distant spire anil grove mark
the scenes of the sweetest elegiac poem
in the language and the grave of the
poet—Stoke I'ogis.
The home park of the castle is a
sylvan pleasure ground of five hundred
acres, ornamented before the queen's
apartments with fountains, parterres
of flowers and statuary. The great
park beyond is fourteen miles in cir
cumference, and continuous to that lit
Windsor forest, having a circuit of
fifty miles. Hut I can hardly restrain
my impatience to be off, as the gov
•raor of the tower dlrcoL, LUJ
a distant spot seen over the edge of
♦h\ fo. ..*t am 1 . "Runny
mede!" I walked through Windsor
forest to Runnymede. I scanned the
famous meadows with my glass from
the tower, but I wanted to stand upon
the ground and kick up its very dust
around me. It is said that a Yankee
views everything with un eyo to specu
lation. I believed I could prepare a
better Fourth of July speech after
standing on the spot where Magna
Charta was wrested by hi* barons
from the unwilling hands of King
John. Walking three and one-half
miles through a park and forest direct
ly away from the river at Windsor, I
Htruck its hanks again and was not
slow to conceive the origin of the
town's name in this great bow of the
winding Thames, or wind shore. I
Joined here, too, the high road, which
soon turned abruptly away from the
river, and to follow the stream I
crossed over a stile in a hedge and
was at once upon the soil of Runny
mede, a very level meadow spreading
back half a inile to the Surrey hills
and uxtending a couple of miles along
the river side. Walking half its
length, I stood opposite Magna Charta
inland. no called to mark the contigu
ous spot on the main land where the
conference took place between John
and his angry barons.
Here the lords aud their retainers
would rendezvous and send word over
to the castle that they were ready for
business, and it was business that ad
mitted of no delay, when King John
was sent for that day in June, Auno
Domini, I'JIC. On the mead around me
were pitched the gay pavilions.
Chargers, richly caparisoned, carrying
mailed knights, were prancing about,
or idly feeding upon the meadow grass,
or fringing the river side at drink.
Here stood the bold leaders in confer
ence, awaiting their king, their glit
tering armor telling of earnest pur
pose; here the fierce debate ran on for
days, and here the trcmlding monarch
was made to sign the great charter re
storing the liberties usurped by the
crown, including the independence of
the church, the permanence of the
courts of justice, the freedom of com
merce, the writ yf habeas corpus, in a
word, the supremacy of English law
over the English throne. 1 looked
about me for a relic, but not for long.
Taking up a handful of earth, "Why,"
I said to myself, "this very dust may
have sanded Magna Charta"' It was at
least a part of Runnymede, and I
brought It away. (i. W. VAN HOR.VE.
'I rylng (hn I iu|>oa»ll>l«'.
"Yes, Mr. Robbins made a failure.
IJo tried to do two things at once."
"How's that?"
"lie tried to love a woman and be
married to her at the same time."—
Brooklyn Life.
Ho !!m<! Kept I lonic llefore.
Mrs. Talk (looking over the new
house) —What In the world is this vast
attic for?
Mr. Talk—lt Is to hold the things
that you buy and can't use.— Ronton
(Jlobc.
Hcrlptiyrml*
"Why Is It that when a woman loses
her husband sho becomes MJ attractive
to men?"
"It is the old, old story of the widow's
might."—Judge.
II; th«< Wink.
Mario—You can tell a drinking man
by his eye.
Justine—Yes, If ho Is at a soda water
fountain in a drug store. —IJrooklyn
Life-
When Wnmm (jrt Their flights.
"So Marigold has applied for a
divorce from his wtfel On what poNdi
ble ground?"
"Oh, he accuses her of failure to t»up- j
port liiin."—Town Topics.
Well Meant, Hut—
"He conceals his Ignorance well,
doesn't he?" said llarkins.
"Yes, but not half ns well as you do,"
Mid the flatterer, —Truth.
MR HICKS' ORATION.
BY TOM P. "lOKC.AN.
Mr. Ishaju <«. Hicks accepted with
becoming modesty an invitation to de
liver the fourth of .July oration at
Kickvhassett Corners. He composed
his address with infinite pains, and
practiced Ids gestures assiduously be- '
fore the mirror.
"The successful orator." he bragged ;
to his wife, "must thrill his audience
with the : pontaneity of his eloquence
and the sublimity of his conceptions.
And that is exactly what I propose
doing. I hare alwayi held that the
office should seek the man. but if the
ides of next November should find me
the people's choice, why—er ah!—l"
"I suppose so," assented Mrs. Ilicks.
Mr. Ilicks was at ivickyhassett Cor
ners betimes on Independence day, and
repaired in due season to Splog's !
1 grove, where the celebration was held.
Mrs. Hicks, owing' to indisposition, did
not accompany hUn to the Corners.
Just before taking- his place on the
speaker's stand the orator was intro
duced to Mr. Splogr, the owner of the
grove, who informed hita that while !
i granting the use of the grove for a eel- I
i ebration. he reserved the right to shut
| off an offending orators wind at any ;
time. He was not hypercritical, btrt
® llii.
I BOMKTHDIO DROPPER.
he opposed seditions utterances with
all his might.
After the usual preliminaries were
gone through with, Mr. Hicks advanced
npon the rostrum and began:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am but a
humble ton of soil—er—er —l mean, a
soiled son of —"
"A humble son of toil," promptly cor
rected Mr. Splog, who sat directly in
front of the speaker°t**tand.
"Thank you!" returned Mr. Ilicks.
"A humble son of toil, and my lan
guage is plain, and-uh—"
"For ways that are dark and tricks
that,are vain," prompted Mr. Splog, as
the orator hesitated.
"Not at all," answered Mr. Hicks, a
trifle nettled. "My language is plain
and unadorned with the flowers of
rhetoric. Hut, standing, as it were—"
"On the summit of Mount Pisgah,"
said Splog, cheerily.
This was maddeidng; but Mr. Hicks
restrained himself heroically.
"Standing, as it were, in the shallow
of the four hundredth year-post in
the life of America, let us pause to
note the fruition of these years. Hut
four hundred years ago Christopher
Columbus —"
"And other wild animals roamed—"
prompted Splog, mechanically.
"No! no!" The orator began to per
spire freely. "Christopher Columbus
crossed the Atlautlc's trackless waste
and landed on—"
"This rook-bound coast."
"No, sir!" Mr. Hicks' collar began to
vllt.
"That's so, by George! " Hock-bound
coast goes with the Pilgrim Fathers."
The critic did not interrupt ugain for
some time. Mr. Hicks advuueed in
peace from the discovery to the found
ing of the nation and proceeded thus:
"The glorious tjiip of state has
weathered the storms of adversity and
suiled triumphantly into the snug har
bor of universal prosperity. Of the
undying tenets laid down by the im
mortal Washington not one tot or jlttle
—er —er—jit or tottlc —that is, tit or
jottle—urn! um!"—
"Jot or tittle," corrected Mr. Splog.
"Thank you! Thank you! Not one
jot or tittle have passed away. And
now—"
A few minutes before, the balloon,
contrary to all precedent, hail really
gone up, and at this moment a bag of
sand, thoughtfully dropped by the
aeronaut, struck the orator squarely
on the head, knocking him seuseless. A
surgeon presently resuscitated the un
fortunate man, but he did not feel able
to resume his speech.
"I reckon it's just as well," comment
ed Mr. Splog to a friend. "lie never said
auything about the continental con
gress or the land of the free, or the boy
who now stands before us. He didn't
even mention that the spot where we
now stand was once u howling wilder
ness. I've had the pleasure of listen
ing to over forty Fourth of July ora
tions, and I reckon I know what's
what. This one was no good!"
\ I'KKCOC'IOI M I.AI>.
«%■> /V 4**%. &
i —i'--II- ) —r ri —
!W
mil \ w
Little Eddie Tooley, a messenger
boy only twelve year» of age, delivers
a Fourth of July oration.—Harper's
liazar.
(luod r»r l'olly.
"My parrot is a patriotic bird," aaid
Brekkus.
"As to how?" asked Barlow.
"On the Fourth of July she always
says 'Polly wants a flrecraakur.' "
It Mak«a > DlfTerenr«.
"Bogga must have a poor memory.
lie has been owing me five dollars for
a year."
"On the contrary, I think he has a
good memory. I owe him five dollars,
and he asks mo for it every time he
sees ma." —Life.
Hard to NIIIMII.
Lady (in crinoline) Is this elevator
safe?
Elevator Hoy- l'retty safe, ma'am.
It dropped down one day las' week, an'
smashed tip a woman, but her hoop
skirt was saved.- Good News.
A If urmotilona Kffirl.
Mrs. Withcrbv"—That chair you are
sitting on is a genuine antique.
Miss Elderby Then perhaps I had
better not sit on it.
Mrs. Wlthcrby Oh, don't get up. It
is very becoming to you.—Vogue.
Hlie Was Urged.
Mrs. Cawker (severely)— Daughter,
dlil you not accept a kiss from Mr.
Dolluy last night?
Miss Cawker (hesitatingly) Yes,
mamma, but it was pressed upon me.
—Truth.
Aflsr the Hlio»«r.
Marmadukc- May I go out to play
now?
Mamma—What, with those holes In
your lxKits?
Murniadukc —No, with tho bulldog
next door.—WMO,
MO 31.
BjBERTTB^I
P AT the: %
World'S L~AII\,
||| /A 1 !f(t RAND old bell
,I' I ' f ty y thy earlier mis,
' j J 1 siou but to votoe
« I on Sabbstk
As an angel's'll tigers pressed thee.
As an angel's wings caressed thee—
Softly cliiming from the steeple:
"Rest ye, rest ye, O my people!"
In me'.!ifluotis tones and.tender with an under
tone of warning-
Changed thy tone, as all men know.
On that morning long ago.
When thy stern majestic ring
B—<-!-■ defiance to the king.
Iu tlie streets are gathered thousands waiting
for the message grand-
Shall declare tliem Independent, freemen In a
freemen's land.
That shall by a single motion
Send deSance o'er the ocean.
Signal ships are outward pointed,
Signal ships that homeward run.
Thai a prince by priest anointed
la but man when all is done.
Brave men bro;ithles.s stand below thee, pale ot
cheek but stern of brow.
Praying for the proclamation— moments aie as
hours now.
See! the hand uplifted wavers,
F^lls—the bellman straining there,
Sends the song In rhythmic quavers
Out upou the danciug air
"They hare signed it, O my people:"
Cries the bell from out the steeple.
"Independence' Independence! Liberty!" the
people shout,
Sending up so grand a chorus that they drowa
the old bell out.
But that old bell's proclamation
Swiftly everywhere It ran
And demanded of each nation ,
Equal rights for every man.
How the spirit of Columbia into every heart
has grown
Best la told by yon White City—symbolizing
all that's good.
East and west are come together—there la
neither pole nor rone.
There Is neither slave nor monarch, but
where late the willow stood
Stands the wonder of the ages. Stroke the
old bell's rusty side.
Right has triumphed and before her cower
tyranny and pride.
CIIJIHI.ES ECUEXK BANKS.
A FOCRTH OF JCI.Y TKAiiKDY.
/
"She not only spurns me love, but
rides with me hated rival before me
very eyes!'"
"But I am revenged, ha, ha! I am
revenged!"— Harper's Weekly.
Two Kinds or Crackers.
It is no great woadT lhat people,
old and young, make mistakes whon
th<> same word stands for so many dif
ferent things.
It was the Fourth of July. A little
miss was told to take her afternoon
nap, and then she should get tip and
watch tho boys put off their tire
crackers.
Pretty soon a heavy thunder shower
came on, and Aunt Mary went up to
see If Miss llachel was frightened.
Evidently she she called out
at once:
"Aunt Mary, I don't want to hear
any more water-crackers."—ltabyland.
A Natural Decrease.
They had nine children, and the worst
Went out to celebrate;
And when they heard the cannon bunt
They knew they had but eight
—Judge
"RAIMINU TIIK VERY OI.D HOV."
V
afw
yr ~l_' ' *"
_ —Life.
Nhc lloiiglit Nome.
"I suppose I shall have to buy some
firecrackers for Freddy," said 'Mrs.
Bloobumper, as she entered the fire
works store.
"Let me recommend our new noise
less variety," replied tho clerk. "Just
the thing for nervous parents to buy
for their children."—Brooklyn Life.
Duller Favorable Clreuiustancea.
Mrs. llrotvn—That poor woman waa
broken-hearted over the lossof her only
son, who was blown up while firing off
his cannon. She said shu hoped he
was in Heaven.
Mrs. Malaprop—l guess he is, uiy
dear. He got a good start.—Judgw
They Dl,l llotli.
"Let's break the silence," suggested
one patriotic boy to another on the
morning of the glorious Fourth.
"We can cracker, anyhow," replied
the other.—Detroit Free I'ros*.
ADNKNCK or MIND.
■feSSsv
]\\y
. i-r
They passed Just at the crossing's brink.
Said she: "We must turn back. I think."
She eyes the mud. He sees her shrink.
Yet does not falter.
But recollects with fatal tact
That cloak u|*m his nrni—ln fact.
Resolves to do the courtly act
Of good Sir Walter.
Why is It that she makes no sound.
Staring aghast as on the ground
lie ,a> • the . lonU with bow profound?
li'-r utterance chokes her.
Hhc stands a-, )x trifled, until,
Ilt r voloc regained, In accents chill
She gasps: "I'll thank you </ yos will
I'ick i</< my cloak, tlr!"
—Oliver llerford, In Harper a Magailo*