" -1 : ' Jit jllllfa IT ' i 1 ' eiftid B. F. SOHWEIER, THE OON8TITUTION-THE UNION AND THE ENFORCEMENT OF THE LAWS. Editor and Proprietor. VOL. XLV. MIFFLINTOWN, JUNIATA COUNTY. PENNA.. WEDNESDAY. FEBRUARY 4. 1891. NO. 7. VALEDICTORY OF THE BXTVBE. I Hail, ; Hail, lellow-slut'Kers, athlete all! sinew, bone and muscle ! foe one equipment worth our care la unnerving tussle. Uuil, running leap, and boxing bout, the wrestling match and vaulting; The tug-of-war, tie flying ball cartwheel and somersaulting. Jpon the threshold we advance of Urge achievement's portal, Vhere curve' and kicks and bludjtaa blows Cr.ke eutj-prlje immortal. of the mighty Sullivan; reoI his record srorr j knd then consider to may we slug onto w ealth and glory. t.serve the sculler la his shell along the river flying "be wild huzzas the struggling hosts to do hiru honor vielng. in J lo! the mm behind the bat where else such chance glgantlcf L three-base hit a double play the people mad and frantic! Jr.iiiu to be sure, else life would be mo- notonouly lonely, ijt brain" to be the complement of brawn and muscle only. ot what's the good of lutellect when mus cle gets the credit? The geniuses are never known In all the sheets they edit, iut give a supple man the gloves and he's In rarest clover, or he ran strike a blow that's heard thla sporting country over, iraius, to be sure but sluggers hall! Hall sinew, bone and muscle! o best lg modern man equipped for life's unnerving tussle. Philadelphia Press. OUTWITTED PIRATES In the year 1659 a British steamer felled the Fairfax arrived at Shanghai i ilktrfcj nml nnnn tnroetnratmn Vi a r jumages were found to be so extensive jut she was sold to a corporation tnown as "The Golden Tea Company." J t was composed of five British tea auuses and it had four coasting vessels i its trade, this steamer was wanted establish a Hue to the Lioo-Kioo glands, in the Pacific ocean, but more particularly to the Island of Kiu-Siu, c here the company intended to estab ioli a branch headqutatevs. The Fairfax was a side-wheeler of Ou tons burden, and noted as being fvry fa-t. She was changed about a freat deal in making repairs, and s hen I went aboard of her as a wheels nan I found several things to excite oy curiosity. The cabin had been lone away with, and in its place was n officers' niessioom aft, and a com fortable dining-room forward. The .pace between was used for berths and 1 itorage. I noticed that a great deal of . ihe interior wood work was covered ith heavy sheet iron, which had been sainted to resemble wood. The doors ere very heavy, and were further protected by-metal. The engine room fras entirely enclosed, nd when I came the wheelhouse I was surprised to 5nd it so arranged that iron shutters lung on the inside, could be closed so is to make a little fortress of the place. Two rifles and a pair of revolvers com prised the armament. When I came to isk questions of the mate he informed one that they were going among a law less and desperate lot, and were pre pared for any emergency. In addition to what I had seen he showed me a six pound field piece on the promenade ieck, and a score or more of rifles ir a room set apart for an armory. The steamer made her first and second trips without adventure. The crew in each instance was composed almost entirely of white men English, American, German, and French sailors, who had been picked up in j Shanghai. The cook, steward, and stokers were natives, and on each ' trip we carried quite a number of native passengers. On the third trip about one-half of the white crew h-d to be replaced by natives, and when J we left Shanghai we had sixty native ( passengers. I remarked on the singular fact that all were men, and the mate explained matters by saying it was a religious body on their way to a famous temple situated on the island we were boualfl for. They looked to me like a crafty, villainous ' lot, and my fellow wheelsman, who was an American named White, pre- J dieted that we should have trouble nlfH tViom ln-fMo Via v-t-o rra tiro T?ar We had scarcely left port before we 6awtn it tw on,- loaded, and we got "the hang" of the iron blinds so that we could shut them j quickly. One of us would certainly k in the wheelhouse, no matter a what hour trouble might come. As the steamer only had a small load af freight, and that was all in the hold, .i . . I thelowe"r(Wk. The .,ww..r' tnild aud they did not need covering. The distance from Shanghai to Kiu-Siu Is about two hundred and fifty miles. lua As we left port at 6 o'clock in the' morning, and averaged twelve miles 1 per hour until four the next morning, wo xt-cra i,m. il. v: ! w " w . 1 1. L L liui l BC1U9S illD uig bay or straits created right there by J the lay of the coast and the location oi the islands. I came on watr.h at 4 ' o'clock. It was then fairly dayliirht ! and the sea was smooth and every thing very quiet. Jly chum gave me the course, re ported that there was nothing new, anc went oft" to turn in. He had scarcelj disappeared when I rose two junki dead ahead, and five minutes later the lnni-n i l j .v vu uic uun a rcponea uiem lu Hr. Graham, the first mate. It could ot have been more than ;wo minute "Murder!" followed by two pistol shots and a rush of feet, and I realized that trouble was at hand. I ran? th ! I bell for the engineer to stop and then shut and secnred my blinds, and I was not a moment too soon. The wheels had scarcely ceased to revolve, when heard the patter of feet outside, fol- lowed by exclamations of anger and disappointment. Then I used th speaking tube to warn the engineer, ' ' and fee speedily informed me that h had made himself a close prisoner. I My iron shutters were provided with ' port-holes, and when I looked down upon her bow deck I saw the dead bodies of the mate and lookout lying there and covered with blood from numerous knife wounds. None of the natives was in sight, but directly a fierce veil arose from the lower deck, followed by pistol shots, and I knew other heap of wreckage and saw two that the saffron-faced wretches were ' men still hanging on, but the sharks murdering the white men as fast as . pulled them under just as I rang to they could get to them. They left me stop our way. The -steam was about alone for about a quarter of an hour, exhausted anyhow, and the time had Then about half a dozen of them came come for a move against the pirate up and demanded mv surrender. From 1)11 board. their dialect I knew them to be Believing they were badly fright Porpan.. Thv railed to m in that ! jned 1 "loaded the revolvers and language, saying they had full posses- j sion of the steamer, had killed all but two of the crew, and that my life would be spared if I promised to do as they directed. I communicated with the engineer, found that he was all right, and he added that the Captain and some of the crew were in the arm ory and prepared to hold out to the last. I then informed the pirates that I could not think of surrender, and as they began battering at the door with a capstan bar I shoved the muzzle of a revolver out and killed one and wound- ed another before they could get out of range. j There was only a gentle breeze blow- ing, and that was at our backs. The two junks were coming down slowly, having to make frequent tacks, and when about a mile and a half away I saw that they were loaded with men. It was a put-up job between the two parties, and all the details were thor- oughly understood. The engineer had been blowing off steam to prevent an explosion, and I asked him to hold fast and give me a show to carry out a plan which had suddenly suggested itself. Fortunately for us the native stokers had just fired up before they got the 6ignal. They had murdered the chief, who was an Englishman, as also the oiler, who was a German, and had left the furnace doors shut as they rushed up on deck to join in the mur- derous melee. The boilers were there fore making steam at a lively rate. As soon as the engineer understood what I waDted he started ahead, and I took the wheel and brought the steamer's head in line with one of the Junks. We were headed about north. I One of the junks was headed about southeast on her tack, the other south west. They were, therefore, nearly broadside on to me. We went ahead at moderate speed, as I did not want to alarm them. The natives on board gathered in the bows and began wav ing cloths and hats as a warning to the funics. The nennln on the latter must have argued that the steamer was in the hands of their friends, for they fired their Jingals and waved their cloths in reply. I held for the junk headed to the southeast, and she at once lowered her sail to wait for the steamer to come np. When within a quarter of a mile of her I rang the bell for the engineer to go ahead at full speed, and the steamer started off like a wild locomo- tive. We were almost upon the Junk before the people divined our object, an- 'hey naa oxuy time to utter one long-drawn shout of terror. I held the steamer for her broadside, and she divided that junk like the two halves of n apple falling away from a knife, 1 expected a great shock, but there was none. It was no more than as if we had run down a yawl. I believe she bd t least fifty men. A great cry went up as we passed, and when I had headed the steamer around not more than half a dozen of the Pr wretches were in sight, and those were clinging to fragments of the wreck and tossinar about. I cave the engineer information of how we ' had succeeded and told him I proposed . to serve the other junk the same way. The natives aboard the steamer seemed helpless and terror-stricken at first, but when they realized my plan they moved to prevent it. They ran down and opened the furnace doors to lower ' Ka atnnm ant? ft cftncr rtf bit nr r-i o-Vi t anar - oA iha vhnolhnnao. A RfmnA - O a o Party made an attack on the engineer's. room at the same moment. The second junk, seeing the fate of . tha tw. had cone about, and was , -r- -, standing due north with all sail set. The wind was right, however, and we , could run five feet to her one. We , hari a ltircrp rpaprvp of srpflm. and alter . o - " ' I nad her nose pointed for the junk I Tave the gang outside a little attention, They were banging at the door and the shutters with the capstan bars, and I wounded two of them before 4hey would desist. The engineer, also using a revolver, killed one and . wounded two. The fellows then drew J nr tuiofsn b trenr turn and diimrd With the job, and now I was close up with the junk. She also held about ' iTwraro lnnVincr follows ' v i"- o j Aware of my intentions, about twenty of them who were armed with mneketi ilot house, bat the few bullets which hit it fell harmless. WIn the bow of the steamer was within a cable length of the stern of the junk every native began to howl end wail, anf most of them threw themselves prostrate on the decks, White cloths were held up in token of surrender, but In answer I rang the bell for the engineer to pull her wide open. He did so, and wa seemed to lift out of the water and be flung at the doosned craft like a missile. The steamer struck her square in the stern, crashed into her for ten or twelve feet, and then the juuk fell apart and be came a heap of wreckage, which was cast aside from either bow. I ran on for a quarter" of a mile and then turned. Not a living man was to be seen in this last disaster. I ran over to the 8tePPed out on deck one in either hand. The only man in sizht was the leader of the band, who stood on the bows looking up at me. As I stepped out he said : 'Don't shoot met We meant you do harm I "We have thrown away on weapons!" I went down to find them cowering the passageways, every man's pluck eompletely gone. The captain and econd mate were in the armory. I let em out, and then freed the engineer. The four of us were the only white men left afire. We colleected the prisoners In the mess room, held a short consultation, and then proceeded to act. While I remained among them to check any new ambition, the rap tain took his station at the forward wrt gangway. I The engineer then led the pirates ut t0 the Captain one by one, and the ktter put a bullet through each man's ttea and pitched him forward into tne sea- I was retribution with a rengeance, and certain writers, who were a thousand miles from the scene 4nd underwent none of its perils, have termed it "the massacre of the prison ers." I went out with the last one. Like all others who had preceded him, ne went humbly to his death, not even attering a protest. When he had been iisposed of we turned to and prepared the bodies of our dead for burial, jle&tvid the decks, and, by two of us acting as stokers, we worked the tteiruier up to Kiu-Siu. For a few weeks the natives kept wonderfully quiet about the adventure, but it then leaked out that about 130 U"f had been in the attenlPt. to :apture us. Had they got possession Df the steamer it was their intention to run her up to the head of the Yellow Sea, and make use of her in their pir atical excursions from the coast of Formosa. As none of them under stood how to navigate "the wingless devil," as they called her, it is likely that 6he would have been blown up thin ?nr 0r tw0 8 ii"u... uio Bauic 11 11C 111 mu UCJLt 11VO tCWB, and every native craft would turn tail it the sight of her five miles away. Couldn't be Supposed. A man from the West was telling a 'ew ' u n the snookers' compartment aDont 8oroe hi adventures In Mon- tana "wbra. a young man in a very checked rait, with very red hair and freckled face, stood in the door and in "Did I understand that you were from the West?" "Yes, sir." "Way out West?" "Yes, sir." "Glad to meet you, sir. I wanted to ask you about the Indians. They are very savage, I understand." "Well, yes." "Delight in torturing their prisoners, don't they?" "1 believe they do." "Well, sir, let me state a suppositious case," drawled the young man. ' 'Sup- pose I was walking across the prairies oat there, tar irom numan habitation i" "But you wouldn't be." "But suppose I was." "But it is not a supposable case." "No! Why not, sir?" "Because the minute you got outside the dooryard a jackass rabbit would tumble you over and leave your dead body for the coyotes. Oh, no. Noth !ng of your general appearance could ever waix on a Montana prairie ia- from habitation!" The young man swallowed at some- .j.ji..j,..1i. ."""K w ujp, ,uu w .uu... and withdrew witn ine ooservauon that he nevei could endure very much twuawu wva.o. A Bishop's Car. The bishop of North Dakota is having a car built in which to make his episcopal visitations. Spare beds and accommodations for strangers are scarce in his district that he finds it necessary th vis to imitate the actors and find himself in bed and shelter. The bishop's travelling car is to be a chapel ' on wheels as well as an itinerant house and he expects not only to now ser- - vioes in it, but? to have it the social meeting place of the more acattered THE LITTLE EOPE WALOO. too. Incident In the Childhood of tie Famous Blondin. A great many years ago more than half a century, iu fact a family of French acrobAta traveled through Europe and made their living by giving entertainments in the villages through which they passed. They did not perform in theatres or opera houses because there were none in the Uarole: of France and Germany in those days. No, this family of acrobat performed in the market place or on the open green, and stretched their long rope from the ground to the top of the tallest steeple. All the members of the family were acrobats, and their parents before them had been acrobats, too, journeying from one village to another, and buy ing their bread with the pennies and sixpences that the country people threw into the father's hat. I said that all the members of the family were acro bats, but I had forgotten little Henri, who was only four years old, and too young, therefore, to do his share in amusing the public. So little Henri went about with his father and mother and sister and big brother, and slept in the wagon at night and played with the big dog or toddled about the vil lage green while his elders were danc ing on the long rope. It was his sister Jeanne who took care of him, washed and dressed him in the morning, put him to bed at night, and taught him to say his prayers before he went to sleep. She was a kind, good girl, and little Henri loved her more than any one in the world, and when he saw her take her long pole in her hand and dance grace fully up the long rope toward the top of the steeple, while the people looked on and clapped their hands, he thought there was no one in the world so lovely and charming as his sister Jeanne. One day they stopped in a beautif u! old-fashioned village on the banks of the Rhine. They stretched their long rope from the ground to the top of the steeple, and Jeanne took her pole in her hand, bowed and smiled to the people and danced lightly and grace fully up toward the top. And little Henri, standing on the ground, with his father's cane in his chubby hands, watched her with as much delight as if he had never seen her do it before. But when she had gone about half the distance a gust of wind shook the rope ; she tumbled, almost lost her balance and cried out in terror. "I'm coming," screamed little Hen ri, and while his mother turned away her face, and his father implored him to return, he balanced his cane as his sister balanced her pole and ran up the rope to help her. It was the first time he had ever been on a slack rope in his life, but he was not afraid, nor did it make him dizzy. He ran up to where Jeanne was clinging and threw himself into her arms. She held him tight until his father came and carried him down. "He will make a great rope walker," said his mother, as she clasped the little boy in her arms. "He takes to it as a duck takes to water. It must be in his blood," said the father; and from that day little Henri's education as a tight-rope walker began. Years afterward this same little boy stretched a rope across Niagara Falls and walked across it as easily as if it had been a barn floor, and then the whole world resounded with the fame of Blondin. And one day, after he bad performed in . Paris in the pres ence of thousands of people, he sat in his tent and told me how he had run up the long rope to save his sister. Pittsburg Despatch. He Enows His Business. The long hours of omnibus men have recently excited a good deal of public ' sympathy ; but a certain number of the j men themselves declare that i-rapathy j to be uncalled for. The other night I questioned a Bayswater driver on this J point. "People fancy," he said, "that we have to work our sixteen hours at a stretch, as though we were on the treadmill. But take my case. I get half an hour's rest at the end of each journey, so that I am not on the box more than twelve hours a day." Many 'busmen, he went on, did not know when they were well off. If the com panies reduced the hours, they would very soon reduce also the pay. ''Be sides," he added, "look at the perqui sites attached to driving. Not anight has passed this week without some gentleman offering me a cigar. And then, on my last journey to Liverpool street, there's a gentleman gets up at Oxford Circus who gives me an extra sixpence for catching his tr tin at Broad street station. He's done that every night for the last three months. It eaves him a Ransom. " "What time does his train start?" I inquired. "Twelve minutes past ten." "Aud what time are you due there in the usual course?" "Five minutes past." "Then yon are due long before his train?" "Yes, but I don't tell him so.'' Bird Seed. Bird seed forms a considerable item in the export trade of some of the Moorish ports. Thus from Laraiche last year in a total export valued at 60,791 the bird seed exported was valued at 5,970, and the quantity was 8,457 quarters. In 1887 the quantity was 4,018, ani the value 8,114. SULL105S HORSEFLESff. flow the American Trotter Has In creased In Value Since the War! The sale of the three-year-old colt Axtell for $105,000 to the Terre Haute syndicate, of the three-year old filly Sunol by Senator Stanford to Robert Bonner for a sum that is admitted to be more than the latter paid for Maud S. and less than was paid for Axtell, has attracted much attention to prices paid during the last few years for American-bred trotting stock. Pre vious to the war the trotters that had been sold for a sum counted np in the thousands scarcely exceeded a dozen. The famous Flora Temple was first sold for $175, and afterward pur chased by the late George E. Perrin of this city for double that sum. Gold smith Maid was sold for $250, $360 and $650. In those days the thorough bred had the call. With the development of the trotter and light harness horse that followed the war, coupled with the excellent prices paid by Robert Bonner and tho late Commodore Yanderbilt for road horses, the trotter soon excelled the thoroughbred in value, as he really does for every-day practical use. The increased value attracted the attention of breeders. Farms were purchased, and from Maine to California young trotters were developed that iu turn became famous on the track, road and as sires and dams, until the American trotters are now world famous, and for some strains of blood almost worth their weight in gold. Below will be found a list of some of the most famous trotters that have sold for $20,000 or more. Of those that have sold for from $10,000 to $20, 000 there are scores in fact, one may almost say hundreds: Axtfll, br. c, 1888, by William L. (1889) 1106,000 Bell Boy, br. c, 1885, by Electioneer (1889) 61,000 Stamboul, br. h., 13S2, by SulUu (1889) 60,000 Acolyte, b. h., 1884, by Onward (1889) 40,000 Maud S., cb. m., 1874, by Harold (18S4) 40,000 Fearnaught, cb. h., 1859, by Morrett (1803) 40,000 Karus, b. g., 1S67, by Conklin's Aba- diah (1379) 86,000 Pocahontas, b. m., 1859, by Ethan Allen (18C4) 85,000 Dexter, br. g., 1858, by Hambleton- lan (1S67) 85,000 Anteeo, b. h., 1879, by Electioneer (1888) ; 80,000 Blackwood, bile, b., 1866, by Alexan der's Norman 30,000 Jay Gould, b. h., 1864, by Hambleton- ian 80,000 Lady Thome, b. m., 1656, by Mam- brino Chief 30.000 Pancoast, b. h.. 1877, by Woodford Mambrino (1886) 28,000 Gov. Sprague, blk. h., 1871, by Rhode Island (1876) 27,000 Patson, b. h., 1882, by Pancoaat 27,000 Chimes, br. c, 1884, by Electioneer (1889) 26,500 Mascot, b. c, 1SS7, by stamboul (1889) 26,000 Antevolo, br. h., 1881, by Electioneer (1886) 26,000 Jerome Eddy, b. h., 1875, by Louis Xapoleon (1882) 25.000 Wedgewood, br. h., 1871, by Belmont 25.000 Geo. M. Patchen, b. h., 1849, by Cas- sius M. Clay 25,000 Happy Medium, b. h., 1863, by Ilam- bletonlan 22,500 Nutwood, ch. h., 1870, by Belmont.. 22,00 Sam Purdy, b. h., 1866, by Geo. M. Patchen, jr 22,000 Startle, b. h.. 1867, by Hambletonlan (1870) 20,000 Edward Everett, b. h 1385, by Ham bletonlan 20,000 St. Julian, b. g., 1869, by Volunteer. . 20,000 Lady Maud, blk. m., 1867, by Gen. Knox 20,000 Socrates, b. h., 1SC6. by Hambletonlan 20,000 Another Wonderful Dos;. A man who drives a pretzel wagon around town has a great curiosity and patent advertisement in the shape of a yellow dog. This dog is a sort of Scotch terrier, and he is wonderful because he does not sit in the seat with the driver, like ordinary dogs, but he jumps on the horse's back, runs up toward his shoulders, and, with fore feet on the horse's collar, he rides through the streets as though perfectly at home in his strange position. The horse trots along with a lumbering gait, which must be most uncomforta ble to his canine passenger, but the dog holds his - "seat," sometimes on three feet, sometimes on two, and sel dom on all four. He seems to like it, too, and appears to enjoy the wonder ing stares and amused glances of peo ple who see him in his great feat for the first time. The driver appears un conscious of the sensation his pet is making, but all the same he enjoys it as much as the dog does. Chicago World. Palling Poat. C. H. Warner and C. M. Keach, ol Gloucester, R. I., are mighty smart at pulling in the queer horned fish called pout. They work steadily at this in dustry, and old "Bowditch" Pond ia the field of their endeavor. They have taken from that lake this season just 21,576 pout and sold 1,400 pounds of the fish in that village alone. The rest of the catch went to Providence They are expert at catching pickerel through the ice, too. Last year they took 1,200 fish, and had tons of fun besides Pirates Again. The Tonquin pirates, whom the French thought the had, nt one time, completely suppfted, have reap peared again, and are striking terror among the merchant shippers. The government will send a fleet sufficient to hunt them down, and to annihilate them complete!. " . The Delegate Up Stairs. One day when a whole 'bus full of 0 s drove up to a hotel in Lynchburg, Va., the landlord remembered that he had a drummer from New York who had been suffering terribly with tooth ache for two or three days. He had tried every remedy known to man, ex cept that of having it pulled, but noth ing had availed him. He said he hoped some of us might be able to Suggest something, and slowly added : "Gentlemen, I have heard that a ludden shock to a man's nervous sys tem would sometimes cure the worst ease of toothache. Can't you plan something ?" Six or eight of us got together in the reading room, and it was finally decided that a man named Simms, who turned out to be a patent medicine ad vertiser, should go up to the room and startle the New Yorker. He was to do it by claiming to have seen a de spatch to the effect that his wife had run away with another man. We thought that ought to cure his tooth ache if anything would. "How big a man is he?" asked the delegate when ready to go up. "Oh, he's rather undersized," re plied the landlord. "If he should get up on his ear, you can easily slam him all over the room." The medicine man went up. Wt followed, and stood at the door to hear the result. He found the New Yorker groaning like a sick horse ; aud after introducing himself, he said: "Sorry for you, old fellow, particu larly at this time, but I have bad news for you." "No!" exclaimed the other, sitting np in bed. "Be calm, old boy. It's about youi wife." "Is she she dead?" "Better for you if she was. She's ran away with a street car conductor!" There was a wild yell, followed by several whoops, and a crash. Then the medicine man fell into the hall, and a wild figure dragged him up and down, and moped him around, and made bear fodder of him. It was five minutes before we could get him ofl and get his victim away. We carried the latter into a sample room, stretched him out on the table, and had sponged his face for the third time, when he opened his eyes. "How do you feel now?" asked osi of the boys, "Queer. What's happened?" "You went iu to see the New Yorker." "Oh, yes. He had the toothache." "He did, and you kindly consented to shock his mental system. It was t great success." "I cured it, did I?" "You did." 'But, great heavens! feel of me; look at me; keep on sponging! I'm nothing but a big splatter of jelly! Boys, if I die, and I hope I will, I'll haunt every infernal one of you day and night until I drive you to hang yourselves with your own suspeuders!" Reuben Started It. it was election day in a town !l Tennessee, and while the crowd of men on the streets seemed good natured and inclined to peace, there were several old pioneers who shook their heads and remarked that such s condition of affairs boded no good. One old farmer beckoned his son into public stairway and said : "Look a-here, Reuben, don't yob start no fuss around yere today." "Fur why?" "Kase the man who starts a fuss li gwine to get chawed to strings in no time. This crowd is onery, Reuben." "Haiu't 1 gwine to tell old Parke that he stole our hogs?" queried Reuben. "No, sir I He'd breed a fuss quick er nor scat. You jist hold yerself level, Reuben mighty level." Reuben promised to and then slanted his hat on his ear and sailed out to spit over his shoulder, hunt old Parke up and call him a hog thief. He had scarcely got the words out of his mouth when something hit him and he dropped, and in less than two minutes there was fighting for two blocks up and down the street. Reube's old father was in the bar of the hotel taking a drink. The sounds of conflict brought him out just as Reufe crawled up the hotel steps. He had a broken nose, a broken jaw, two black eyes, a scalp wound, a cut hand, aad war almost naked. "Is that you, Reube?" shouted the old man as he bent down to get a closer look. Reube nodded his head. 'Found old Parke and called him hog thief, I reckon?" .Another nod from Reuben. ''Well, I told ye, and now dura yei good-f ur-nuthin' hide, I hope ye won't be able to dig sassafras fur six months to come! Howsumever, bein' as a row has started, and bein' I'm alius to home when thar's figbtin', I'll sail in and warm up a leetle." A woman who wanted an office from Secretary Noble recently sent him a pincushion and two perfume bottles. They were returned to her. Exterior influences do not affect the Secretary of the Interior. Whoever would do good In the world ought not to deal In ce osure. We ought not destroy, but rather co a struct. KOT READY YET. St. Peter sat In hi lodge by the gata And idly jingled his keys, For arrivals had been rather slack oi late And the good saint was taking his ease. tie bad heard a footstep and turned around. And looked the intruder o'er (A party who lately arrived on the ground' Who stood with eyes fixed on the floor. "What's the matter with your" St. Petei inquired, "Something seems your mind to embarrass ; Perhaps those wings are not what you de sired, Or your robe is not cut a la Paris P. 'Well, the fact is, you see, I'm a crank oi base ball," Meekly answered the newly-arrived tenant 'And I really would like to go back till next fall, To witness the race for the pennant." Terr Haute Express FUJf. The sentence "Ten dollars or thirty days" is another proof of the-truth of the adage that time is money. Pitts burgh Chronicle. A man doesn't look at a salary as he does at a wheelbarrow. He thinks it ought to be drawn in advance. Bur lington Free Press. "It will be better for me in the long .un," remarked the cashier, as he humped himself for the Dominion. Eearney Enterprise. A conveyance of real estate signed on Sunday is not legal, and yet we were always taught to believe that "the better the day, the better the deed." Yonkers Statesman. Waiter What's your order, sir? Gentleman One patent-leather iunch. Waiter (calling) Piece of apple pie and two lemon-cookies. Judge. "What? Is the Widow Brown going to be led to the altar for the third time?" "No, I guess not. She ought to be able to find her way tiere herself by this time." Fliegende Blatter. Master Tommy was strutting about, ery proud of his first pair of pants. "And now," remarked a member of Uie family, "you're quite a msu." "Yes," added the youngster, "atul I can swear just like papa." Judge. American I am acquainted with two men who own diamond studs. Englishman 'Oly Moses! Some Eng lish gentlemen 'ave very hexpensive stables, but hi never knew such hex travagance has that. Jeweller's Weekly. Smith Well, Jones, how are you getting on, old fellow? Jones Poorly; lost $50,0tX yestei day. "How was that?" "By fire. Maria's father fired me." Minneapolis Times. Mrs. Beauraonde Phew, what a charge ! Why, Mrs. Jaw, the famous human charges uie $50 for whistling at my reception. Mr. Beaumonde Oh, well, ?ou can't expect to have a canary without a bill. Munsey's Weekly. "I noticed Mrs. Brown's little girl pick a nice apple out of the barrel while she was here with her mother," said Mrs. Troubleraiser to the grocer "I don't see how some people cau bring their childreu up so. You must lose a great deal daily by this pettv pilfering." "Not at all, ma'am," replied the grocer. "I saw her take the apple, and charged her mother for a quart." Harper's Bazar. In a small town in Baden a minister closed his sermon the other day with these words : "We would be pleased, moreover, to iiave the young mau who is now stand ing outside the door come in and make certain whether she is here or not. That would be a great deal better than opening the door half an inch and ex posing the people in the last row of seats to a draught." Frankfurter Zei. tuna. The Mormon men are innocent enough. They would never have more than one wife apiece if it were not for the women. New Orleans Picayune. Smithers When I make a promise and fail to keep it, it worries me eve' afterward. Withers Well, I made a promise once and kept it, and it's been worry ing me ever since. Smithers What was it? Withers To marry the woman wh is my wife. Munsey's Weekly. "See this coat?" he querried, as te entered a Michigan avenue clothing tore yesterday. 'Yes, I see dot coat. Vhas som tings wrong?" "I should remark! See how it if all shrunk up!" "I see. How did she comer "I got caught out in the rain." "Oxactly. Did I sell you dot eo.t for waterproof?" "No, but it hadn't ought to shrink np like this." "Dot may be, but suppose dot coat swell out und vhas so big dot she vhas worth 2 more would you pay me extra?" "Of course not." "Oxactly. She vhas even. If she shrinks you doan' blame me ; if she wells you doan' pay more. Please doan' block cop der shtore, my frendt dis vhas my busy day." Detroit Free Press. . KEWS IN BRIEF. A Inrainrmta prairnn i 1 f,AA,, - wt.j wu i.ua well IU1CUIF ed. There ate 20.0C0 unemnloveJ work. men in Wales. Thei'fl Hrfl ROOn rntfr n-nrt.ra tn the United States. Mr. Gtailstona nurnq IIia l:ircra:t. lead peDCil in the world. The crocerv clerks of Foi t AVavnc Ind., hivorganized a union. Electric motors urn rwini intrn- duced on the underground railway in The .Eillan ham rwnlvM it nam a from .Eolous, the god or ruler of the wind. The African laborer who eats the knli nut earns twice as much as the ab- BtaiDer. A branch tliirteeu Inches ion, from a Michigan orchard, contained forty-two ayyle?. Under the Pennsylvania laws it costs a man sixty-seven cents every ume ne swears. There is a waterfall of 2400 feet lu the Alps in Switzerland, said to be tUe highest in the world. It is believed that the hollyhock was broncht to Enrotie from China aa early as tlie year 1573. An Indiana (lector's aon was kick ed to death by a horse-making the llftu child or bis lost by accident. Some interesting experiments have recently been madj iu Denmark lu fil ing trees with gun cotton. AttempM are now being made to perfect a sy: t im of preventing Incrusta tion in boilers by nieaiu of electrical action. J. B. nawkms, member-elect of the Legislature of Tenneee, is Presi dent of the Chattanooga Blacksmith's Union. A naturalist claims to have discov ered the only fie tu- water sharks known, in Lake Nicaragua aud the river ap proach to It. The British Admiralty engineers are conducting experimental niuety-six-hour tunsof boilers under forced draught at Portsmouth. Sir John Lubbock kept a queen bee for mieen year?, a teat provlnn her e?gs to be just aa fertile at that age as they were twelve years before. Experts say that as far as fireproof floors are concerned alternate hiyers of I link aud cement form the most impen etrable of constructions. The largest barometer yet made has been put in working order In the Saint Jacques Tower, in Paris. It la forty-one feet five inches high. A sawmill foreman has invented a device for keeping gum from the rim of the baud saw by causing a spray of wa ter to constantly play on the blade. An electrical furnace has been pat ented in England which Is said to have given excellent results In the series of testa to which it has been subjected. rrlnce Mohammed Burlianeddlu, the five-year-old son of the Sultan, has been enrolled as a seaman on board of the Turkish frigate Orkauie. Stanley has become a member of the English society for physicial re search. He w.ll And much more dark Less thore than iu "Darkest Africa." A bank known as the United States Bank was established at Philadelphia in 17'Jl. together with the national nvnt, which isnued its first coin iu 17J2. An important manufacture of but ter from cucoanut mi k is growing up in Germany. CocoauuU for the purpose are imp ji led In large numbers from In dia. Creosoted wood has beeu found to have such excellent lasting qualities that its economical properties have suggested its use for permanent haulage, roads, hatchways, etc., In collieries. A San Dieo county (Cal..) horti culturist is going toprafttlie many lira oaks on his place with chestnuts, which he has learned will succeed w ell on oak trees. Mrs. Marshall O. Roberts, who lives now in spencer hou?o, London, la said to receive as many offers of mar riage as any wn.ow in the British met ropolif". Mrs. John D. Rockfcller, wife of the Standard oil millionaire, Is one of the most niodestand unpretentious of wom en. She is active in good works of many kinds. The foreman of one of the largest barber shops in New York City in authority for the statement that more men part their hair iu the middle now then ever before, The custom of christening a ship by breaking a bottle of wine over her bow at the launching is traced back to the pouring out of libations to the gods practised by Greeks and Romans. The Confederacy issued eleven kinds of postage stamps. They are all if nnused, worth double their face value. The ten-cents blue stamp of 1M53, if un used, brings $3.00, or if used $2.60 In Paris there are professional trunk packers who can be hired to pack a trunk artistically, folding ex pen si ve gowns and othtr garments la tissue paper and stowing away delicate bric-a-brac in the safest way. A man In Fort Wayue, Iod., was detected a few days ago stealing a pair of shoe. In twenty minutes he bad been comm'tted for grand jury action, and In forty-five minutes he bad begun serving a sentence in jail. A Canadian clergyman has advanced the theory that the walls of Jericho fell from the blow.ng of the keynote by the horns of the besiegers, just as bridges bave been known to co! apse from the rhythmic tread of soldiers feet passing over them. You occasionally meet a rich mau who says the greatest happiness is found In poverty; and vou occasionally re member that all men are liars, too, Can Find Mock Enongh. A young lady of Columbus, Ga., has made a crazy quilt out of Louisiana state lottery tickets that failed to "con nect" with the prize wheel. The num bers are worked in silk of beautiful colors. Mother "To think that my little .thel should have spoken so imperti nently to papa to-day at dinner! She never hears me talk in that way to him." Ethel (stoutly) "Well, but jou choosed him, and I didn't.1 .1
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers