IVIONDAY, XMI2L. 1, 1946 Meet Chuckles—Our Genius, 'Chuckles R. l 'Drbollandglopper, youngest student it the College, hit a.four pohit` average last term, according to Registrar Coughman; Droollancliglopper,' a fourth semester Chem-phys, registered as a freshman''Cnni'laude in the fall of 1944. The College is giving him a tfull scholarship, room and- board at the football house, and a weekly allowance of $35 .for the honor of his accepting State as his -alma mater. - Harv.ard, Princeton, and Miami U. had bids in for Chuck les, butt he chose State because of the beautiful coeds-, in spite of the meager amount of spending money. Only two , and 'a half years old, Chuckles has an I.Q. of 279, and is the only living mortal who can recite the whole of Paradise Lost backwards in Sanskrit 'to the tune of • "Conthita Banana." His ex traordinary accomplishments in the •field of science and niathe mates have caused Einstein to return to playing tiddly-winks to ppss his time away. • But this shouji not give the impression that •Chuckles is not the well-rounded, high-type young American boy, Chuck, as his friend' call him., excells in the More manly sports, such, as weight 1401'g- and, spaghetti twirling. He cap'. ; lift three - tons On the second fliver of his left- hand Florellio himself offeed Chuckles the op portunity of 'lifting the Empire State Building last February, but out , of deference to the memory of Al Smith, he refused to uproot the mernorkal. . . A Ch.i. Phi, and rumored to be slated for the next president of WC, Chuckles is quite active in campus activities. He is the pow en: behind the: throne of Collegian, Players, and, using several un worldly psuedonyms, completely writes, publishes and edits the Engineer. (Sorry, Chuckles, that had to go in; even if you don't it ain't so bad to do one little thing you're ashamed of:) "Chuckles is widely quoted by eminent authorities on all im portant matters. Too young to "go into war, he suffered, without a bhuible during shortages of baby food and canned milk. Caught coming out of his Ther mo Dynamics 678 class yesterday (he goes to school seven days a week) and, asked about .the future of, the atomic" bomb nylons, Vaughn Stapleton, and cherry pie, Chtickle, s responded profoundly saying, "Goo." Clever Reporter Gets Great Interview With Stogey-Smoking Editor „Climaxing eight semesters of eea.seless toil, an exlclusive inter view has been obtained' with the elusive editor of this outstanding example-of i journalistic perfec tion. • • Alfter spending months in mus tering together courage and weeks in actual preparation of carefully selected questions, thiS correspondent' was „finally sher ed'past the rows of flawleasly uniformed guards and into her exclusive office-boudoir. Screams were echoing through the; narrow confines of the Car negie Hall cellar, at the moment, as the editor was playfully pour ing - salt into the lash-marks of several freshmen candidates; but es soon as -I entered she tossed aside her monagramed salt shak er, put down her cigar, and greet ed me with a sneer. I quickly rushed close to her desk• and began firing questions. She puckered her lips and splat. d. ducked She spat again. Again I ducked, but this time J wasn't. quick enough. I was covered with :Mail Pouch from my windsor knot to my talon zip per. It was only then that I realized I had been standing in a direct line with the desk and her knitted spittoon. tAipologizing for my dis play of faulty manners I gra ciously stepped aside. Again I tried interogation. She bit off the end of a fresh cigar and began smoking. (Undaunted I *tried flattery. She leered. I pleaded for just a paragraph of copy. (Lear 'continues) • ...-For just a word. Slowly her lips . began to part. heald my breath. She. spat again. • iNOntinutd. 'on peiira;.,e,to,9 , ' • Our Pride By LUSHIOUS LOIS BARKS Chuck/es Semester Fees To Be ReFunded Semester fees will be red)unded to all students this week !because of a surplus , in the C.ollege trees •uary, the Board of Trustees an nounced today. After meeting-in the Rathskel lar on Friday afternoon, the Board decided to put into. effect the following points: 1. After counting the fees. paid at Recreation Hall on Friday, it was,found that together with the 'surplus in the bank, the College had on hand $45,000,5515j888.02. Therefore, all students will re ceive refunds orc.Thuriday. 2. BeCause of various items of business which must be attended to on Thursday, rfeunds will not be made until night. Recreation Hall be open from 9 p. m. till 2 a. m. for the refunds. 3. Coeds will receive 2:30 a.m. permissions for the occasion. 4. One dollar will be withheld from each, student's refund to be used for a Collegian sinking fund. This money will be used for var ious expenses such as sandwlches, coffee, other drinks, movies, and cigarettes. • • "ilt Will be c'omrpulsory for all students to - report to Recreation Hall Thursday," announced Rus sel E. Lark, Bursar.' "A fine of $11.5 .will be imposed'on those who fail to collect their fees..' Judging from the metal]. fasten `sassaap monads uo sae all set nor a .nation-wide 'hookup. There isn't as much read danger in' a loose wheel - as there ds in a tight driver. Foois "7, • BUII TRES IS STRICTLY • ON THE LEVEL Cur stock is complete with everything from paper clips to books . . . a perfect headquarters • for your supplies. . Liff e and Joy C OLLEG TAN 'Big Joe'. Hep; Red Hed Cums This Article scooped from the wire services by. Ben . French; developed by Artie Stober; cor rections entered • by Woodene Bell; Miss Bell's correction's de leted by Doris Stowe; Original correction stuck back in again; by Mickey . Blatz (Hmml); and the whole works commented nastily upon by Lew Stone. In a surprise communique from the Kremlin in Moscow last night, Josef Stalin, Secretary of The Po litbureau, President of the Sov narkom, Chairman of • the Vodka Aliter Hours committee of Stlanis voskapol in the.lower Ukraine, and Premier of the Union of So cialist. Soviet RepUblics, announced his acceptance of the Collegian's invitation to speak at the Mlay 'Day exercises to 'be held in June at the Stock Judging Pavilion. Stalin was quoted at the Krem lin as saying, "Comrades, long have I been fascinated' by Penn 'State - social life, which I've been following this semester in the 'Bear Edition" of the Collegian, a •ou.rnalistic monument surpassed only by my own Pravda."- - Fearing Stalin might have been emotionally • upset, Ib ecaus e. Chruchchill got to speak at a col lege scampl; while he had to sit home in the drafty Kremlin, a collegian candidate, "Red" Kapu snowick wrote to the Russian lea der and invited him to speak at Penn State. Red Band Practising "International" Fish Humburn, leader of the _famed Red Band, has his musician rehearsing Russian anthems and folk music, as well as The rover ed "International" The Thespian chorus under the direction of Stud Tellott are planning to learn Cas sack dances and every thing is go ing to -'be "just peachy," accord ing to Hesitant Pretzel. Stalin will 'arrive on the Belle fonte Central, railroad officials announced when contacted last night. Prez Harry Truman has al ready 'asked to be engineer for the hazardous trip .frorn the county sat. It seems that Harry, having 'gained experience on his recent Churchill -nun, "just loves to blow that whistle." Cellar To. Stock Vodka "Puppy," amiable prop. -of the All-American-Russian Raft's Cel lar, will put red table cloths on a tables and is ordering a large supply •of the Bus...lian leader's favorite---Vodka. The modest Bits sian Party, which will incinde sev eral million of the Red Armpr, will estabish their head'qu'arters in the Cellar and wind take over all the hostels in -the eastern pant of the country. One thing that ptuzzges the am nlia(ble "Puppy" is: "How ITO you make one of those 'Molotov •coak-s tails'." Dean R. U. . Onthehall of the Sdhool of Aesthetic Chemistry & Physical Letters has jiust announced that the 3.1 •all-college overage of Eagenfellow P. Beaverton has gained a. notice for him in the latest treatise of Ally Einstein dealing with the relative merits of degrees above the absolute. We're Not Kiddin' Lost- 7 -Origin of April Fool Foolery, Sir, does walk about the ork like the sun—it shines, everywhere—Shakespeare. Many explanations have been offered as to the origin of April Fool's Day, but there is agreement to none of them. Its origin seems lost in the mists of antiquity. The impression prevails, however, that the custom • has something to do with the observance of the spring equinox. In India the Feast of Hull, which occurs on March 31, has been celebrated for numberless centuries by sending people on foolish errands. One fantastic ex-• planation is that the custom arose arose from the farcial celebration of the sending of Jesus from An-. nas to Caiphas, from Caiphas to Pilate, from Pilate to Herod and from Herod back to Pilate at the time of the trial and crucifixtion. But this is not taken seriously. Another theory is that it is a relic of the Roman Cerelia, held. at the beginning of .April. Ac cording to the legend, Proserpina had 'filled her lap with daffodils in the Elysian meadows when Pluto found her and carried her screaming to the lower. world. Ceres, her mother, heard the echo of the screams and went in search of the voice, butt her search was like a fool's errand for it was im possible to find the echo. April fooling became customary in France after the adoption of the reformed calendar by Cahrles IX in 1564, making the year 'be gin on January 1. , It had pre-. viously been daimon for the people to exchange New Year's gifts on April 1, under the old calendar, and conservative s ob jected to the change. Wags ac cordingly sent to these persons mcfck gifts and made calls of pre tended ceremony. Nowadays the person fooled in France is called the `spoisson d'avril"--that is, and Aril fish. Whether this is be cause the sun is leaving the jodi acal sign• of Pesces at the time, or because April fish are • easily caught no one knows.. Eighteenth century April fool ,ing became common in England and -the early settlers brought this custom to the United States. One of the usual tricks played on April 'Fool's Day is the inter-. chan g ing of the salt and the sugar in the dining tables and the time practiced one of placing a purse tied to a string on the sidewall: and pulling it away as soon as someone goes to pick it up. Another April Fool's Day is here! Will you be "poisson. d'av ril?" Campus Briefs Or If Can't' Happen Here Beginning today, the price of , coilfee in the Corner Room will be five cents . . . The Library will play jive records from 5 to 9 p.m. .. . Beginning this Sun day and every Sunday there after the local theatres will show movies in the afternoon and eve ning. The feature this week is titled "Last Week-end" and stars Brorno Seltzer . . . FLASH . . . it is rumored that Liberal Arts students may 'have to get up on Tuesday, Thursday and Satur day mornings for one hour of class . . The Thetas and Kappas are planning to move into the TIME hour 'to help alleviate the housing shortage . ...The MIKES rehe 1. . . The new subway system starting at the fraternity section end_ running underground to Ag Hill, opens today. Stations have been installed in every Building on campus. Mateer has moved the Corner Room under ground to catch the tunnel trade: . . . Chuck Hill's book store opens today nett to the Nittany News on College Avenue . . . He prom ises a fair deal on used books . . . A wise" business roan establishing an air route from State College to New York, Pthiladelphla, Harris burg, and Pittsiburgh and the rates are within the student's pocketbook. Bitenour To 'lnoculate Coeds Against Wolves Boiled down into plain Englii , sh, (you know how these medics love to spiel Latin phrases) Dr. • Jo seph P. Bitenour's recent press release said this: Wolves being canines, and ca nines carrying rabies, all codes should be innoculated against rabies imMediately to prevent a spread of the dreaded disease. The move has been necessitated by a coed's complaint, sworn ,to before a notary public, asserting that the said coed Was severely bitton the right shoulder while attending a tea party at the TF)A House S'aturd'ay night. A test de veloped that radies was present. New Collegian Head • . . Wooden Bell !has just re signed her post as editor-in-Jcbief of Collegian. We a! Senior Board need-a likely candidate. Any En gineer reporter with one semester experience please apply for post any time after this paper is read. _ ~ I=l •hiS ) le a ce I")es(fflveel PAGE SEVEN Meelers and Ketzgers . . . The Athletic Store, Keel-. er's, and Metzger's will distribute all college books free otE charge beginning tomorrw. This action Was effected by All-College Cabi net and the Common Sense club in a measure to boycott the stud-. ent book exdhange, whose prices are too high to meet the needs of the students, announced Gernice oaf Con - umon Sense.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers