fiie Forest Republican b published every WedaosJay, by J. E. WE NX. Offlca la Smearbanga & Coa Bulldlny ILM STREET, TIO.VE3TA, PA. Twmi, 81.00 Per Year, Ko subscriptions reoelved tor a shorter period thaa three months. Correspondence (ollolta 1 from all parts or the country. No not lot will bo taken of anonymous oommuaiMtiou. RATES OF ADVERTISING! Fore EPUBXJCAN One Square, one inch, on insertion.. 100 One Square, one inch, one month. .. (03 On Square, on inch, three month. . fi 00 One Square, one inch, one year ..... 10 00 t wo Squares, one year 15 w) Quarter Column, one year... M Slot) Halt Column, one year 60 09 One Column, one year 100 00 Lesai advertisement ten cent per line each insertion. Marriage and rle-xth notice gratis. All bills for yearly ad vertisemunu collected quarterly Temporary advertisement must be paid in advance. Job work cash on deliver. 0 VOL. XXXI. NO. 34. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, DEC. 7, 1898. $1.00 PER ANNUM. R I For an anoient despotism they have ome strikingly modern way in China, i It has been calculated by a Genoese Journal that the disoovery of America cost about 37500. Columbue had a salary of $333; the captains of the Nina and Pint got SI 80 each; tho railorg received ?2. 50 each per month, Tho outfit of the expedition amounted to $2800. M. de Royer, who is recognized as one of the leading authorities onques tions of heraldry and genealogy in France, calculates that in a single year about $20,000,000 have found their way into the pockets of the French nobility through the juocessful quest of American heiresses by titled French men, and it was not accounted an ex ceptionally euocessful year for the .French nobility cithor. It is only about the average harvest, sad to say. The "little brown men" of Japan are catching np rapidly with the ways of civilization. Directors of the Nishi Nari Railway Company have discov ered a deficiency of $270,000 in tho company's assets and havo demanded an explanation. President Manako has made an unsatisfactory statement to tho effect that the missing money has been used for "promotion ex penses." It appears that this coin-' fauy Was organized several years ago : h $15,000,000 capital, to build a railroad from the south to the north end of Formosa. Actual work has never been commenced, nnd the money paid in for s took, has apparently been squandered. Verily, 'Civilization on her luminous wings" has lost no tiino in soaring over to Japan. In New York and other cities the publio authorities aro hotly blamed for the inadequacy of school accommo dations, and the building of now loboolhonses presses hard upon the reluctant appropriations, espeoially in wards whero the population is rapidly (noreased by immigration. Often 1t is necessary to hire extra rooms. In Boston there has been at least one in stance where a now schoolroom was oponed and immediately filled by chil dren who had not been two months in America, Onr oliniate hardly permits ns to adopt a custom of the smaller lowns of Greeoo, whero the children often sit on benches iu tho open air, under the shade of a treo from which the teacher can easily out a switch. o yonng xurK not only eoinn is an ia an out-of-door schou at ...aus to writo fln the ground, Yg his finger or a stick" in plaoe of pen or pencil. La Patrie, the official organ of tha French-Canadians, is reminded by England's course with respcot to Fas hoda of the cruel tyranny with whioh the United States has treated Spain. "Right," it says, "is nothing to the Anglo-Saxon from tho monient when he is certain that he is the stronger." That is indeed amusing, observes the New York Times; it also easts some light ou the feeling of France for this country. Tho French-Canadians, 'as is well knowji, aro considerably more French than Canadian, and jnst as their language is in a way more really Gallio than that of Paris, so their opinions can be taken as expressing more frankly the real opinions of Fiance than do tho numerous inter views with cosmopolitan Parisians that have been supplied to us. And the French-Canadians believe that tho United States was utterly wrong and Ih at Spain was utterly right in tho i argument Well, well, well! - The Testher Lloyd, of Vienna, Aus tria, reviews the legislation iu relation to anarchism passed iu different States during the last fifteen years. It be gins with laws against theoriminaluse of explosives adopted iu England, an examplo that was followed a little later by Germany and Austria. Later on the Belgian laws affecting anarchism were made more stringent,. Between 1803 and 1894 no fewer than three dif ferent acts were passed in France, and these reoeived a sharp application af ter the murder of President Carnot. As la result of this crime by the Italian Caserio, three similar laws were passed p Italy. Tbey were suspended two years afterwards, but in consequence ot the disturbances at Milan were re-, snacted in a more severe form. Spain and Portugal have introduced similar modifications in their criminal legisla tion. Russia deals ith the Nihilists in her own fashion. There is, there fore, no lack of legislation on the sub ject, and the Pesther Lloyd argues that all that is necessary is that each nation should enforce energetically its own decrees. This would lead to a practical international agreement be tween all police authorities. It will remain for the different Towers to de cide whether anarchist murders are to be dealt with as political Jor common Prima. . . . ; . HOSANNA Ere S7er the (runs are silenced; Ere ever the mandate, Peace! Bball tall on the raging nations, bball bid all tbelr warfare cease; Ere ever the lamb In slumber Lie safe 'neath the lion's paw, We will cry to the East: Uosannal We will call to tho West: Huszahl A bymn to the God of Battles, Who glveth the conq'rlng sword, Who harks to theory for justice. Who bends tor the weak one's word; A hymn for the grandest triumph . E er given tho world to ebeer We will lift that the East may harkon, We will sing that the Wost may bear. By ADA fT The most dramatic romaooo ot the war with ipaln la that of young Lloutenant W. Torrlll. of Louisville. Kv. and Luke senorita Maxia Aatoalus. of Barcelona. Bpaln, Its situations aro as marvelous as inosa or any melodrama, its motives ai tender as those of any idyl ever written, ii is asiory oi oat lie ana float hand mourn log and lovo. Its reoltal Is n bit of dosorlD. tlve mnslo In which can be beard, first, the reveille, then a death cry, the mourning voice of a woman, n aong ot lovo and the shime ot marriage bells. A Kentuoky lieu tenant and a 'Spanish captain and the girl who was tbe daughter of one nnd will be bride ot the other, are tbe three chief ngures in the romanoe. " 'I. ' ' -' ' TOW DATS BEEN A GENEROUS FOB IMfLtOJBiS you to keep tue coat. Its bloodstains and its bullet holes will re mind yon of Spaniard's death wound and his thanks. "Americano the darkness and the ' cold are come. Kiss nfe, my friend. Adiosl" - A big, honest-eyed Eentnokiau stooped above a dying Spaniard, He touched tbe paling, bearded lips with bis and found that the darkness and the cold ha'd indeed come. A girl who had been holding the nana oi tue Spanish captain, Jesu An tonins, in hers felt the fingers stiffen and grow chill. She pressed hor olive cheek close to his blaok-beardod one. Again she felt the chill. Weep ing beside him there, it was easy to note tho resemblance of her delicate profile to his harsher one, and to know that Captain Jesu Antonius, dead, and Maxia Antonio, mourniug, were father and daughter. Lieutenant Luke Terrill himself led tne weenmg girl away from tho stark. soldierly figure on the hacienda ver anda. A wrinkled, yellow duenna met him at the door and snatched tho gill s hand from his arm. nt , , , ., .iouui'hbu americano. . mere is your work. Yon shall not enter herel" Crossing horself and mumbling, she hurriod tho girl away, but not before Senorita Mania Antouius had giveu a baokward glmce of grief and grati tude. The Spanish physician- tolerated the touoh of the American upon the body of Captain Antonius. He saw it was a strong and wise and tender touoh. He allowed him to help to carry tho dead captain within. Then he dismissed him and Lieutenant Terrill returned to the detachment of men that had beon stationed on the haoienda to save Captain Antouius's property .from the revengeful and ravaging Porto Ricans. lie was a splendid young specimen of manhood, from that splendid rear ing ground of men, Kentucky, He was a good six feet in height, and had a fine sweep of shoulders and the free stride of an Indian. His eyes were frank and blue. His hair and mus tache were of the color of the chest nuts in the woods at home. He had written a long letter to his mother that morning. . "I am in charge of fifty men, who Are guarding the hacienda of a rioh Spaniard from Barcelona, who is skirmishing somewhora near Ponce. The Porto Ricans hate him because be is rich and Spanish and spends only a month or two hero at the haoienda. Now that he has joined the army they are more vindictive than ever. There are only his daugh ter a young woman, the most beau tiful I ever saw; mother, who casts the most disdainful glances upon me and never doigns to speak and three or four servants. It is rather monot onous, this role of unwelcome pro tector. I wish something would hap pen to stir the blood." And something did happen before the ink was dry upon the paper. A little procession filed ontof the woods andup tho hill. A torn handkerchief waved from a branch the bearer had cut in tho woods. It was a pitiful flag of trnce, and the Lieutenant or dered his men to lower their gl. As the men came near it coulobe see that the men bore a litter. The Kentnckian and his men went to meet them. "I surrender, Americano; it is final," said the man on the litter, with a grim attempt at a joke. Lieutenant Terrill moistened .the old man's lips from a canteen. He bade his own men relieve the tired men who carried the litter. He loosened the coat that seemed too tight for the heaving chest of the Spaniard in his death agony. "You have protected my home and my little one? Thanks! Thanks!" And so they bad carried Captain Antonius to his home. He had begged that they let him rest upon the veranda. "I am too tired, I can co no f i CI AND HUZZAH. Far over the waving banners The foundry' llama-plumes swirl; Anil over tbe stoker blazons The flag whloh ba helped unfurl. But It o'er our hearths one hovers The glory of sacrifice We will make to the Enst no moaulngs, We will make to tbe West no cries. I Tbe fires ot conquest kindle; ' The olaog of our sword sounds far; Tho Hon purrs as he watohes Ills whelp at tbe game of war. But ere we forget in our triumph, And lest mo grow faint in our cause. We wilier to the East Hosnnnas, We will shout to tho West Huzzabs. Grace DufUo ttoylan, in Chicago Journal. OF ALL THE TO PATTERSON. further," he said. "I want to dio on the hacienda, but in the sunshine, Call Maxia." She had come and kissed his hands and wept as a frightened child. He had petted and soothed her and then turned to tho big man who wore the uniform of the enemy. "You havo been a generous foe, Keep this ooat. It will romind yon of a Spaniard a death wound and his thanks. "Americano, the darkness and the cola are come. Hiss mo, my friend, Adios." II. LIEUT, TEBMLIi'S BTBANOH BELEA9B. Lieutenant Terrill was ordered to Guyama the day after the death of the Spanish captain. Carefully paoked in his meagre lng gage was a coat of Spanish. army pat tern with an officer's badge and the rents and the blood stains made by four Amerioan bullets The withered, yellow duenna had b; ought it to him, Terrill did something foolish for i brawny Kentucky officer when he paoked that coat among his belong ings. He looked npon the breast of the ooat for the stain of tear drops irom tue pretty senorlta Mann's eyes He blushed like any girl. . He called himself a sentimental fool. The yellow fiend had been let loose at Ponoe, and people wero dying by tue score, it was foolhardy for Lieu tenant Terrill to wander there from Guyama. There were moro dangers than that of yellow fever threatening 1-11 1 T1 ... , visitors to x'once. it naa oeen aoan doned by Amerioan soldiers, and Spanish sympathizers had resumed their tyranny. Lieutenant Terrill oould give no satisfactory reason for his visit to Ponce. He was not apt to inventions, and had he told them that a fanoy to be nearer the lovely senorita Maxia Antonius had been the moving cause of his journey they would nave leered at mm for Ins presump tion. -They cried "Spy! Spy!" And so Lieutenant Terrill' was thrown into prison. He was not allowed to send a mes sage to his regiment, nor to his home, T1VI V wane not lucomumcaao, lie was so despised and feared as a spy that no one in Ponce would bo the bearer of a word from him. The jailor was inso lent, and the guards made ghastly pantomime oi a blindfolded man be ioro a uno oi men wno wero aiming Mauser rifles at him. And, again, the Kentuckinn called himself a fool, and smoked vigorously. Une day tuore was a disturbance outside the jail. Lieutenant Terrill looked through his barred windows. Was the pantomime of the blindfolded man standing before a line of Spanish soldiery with Manser rifles to be en noted? He set his teeth firmly. Ho would die like a Kentuckiau and an officer. There were Spanish soldiers com ing, lhey were armed with Mauser rifles. At their head, however, walked young, graoeful figure, whoso bent head was gracefully draped with a lace mantilla. The outline of the olive oheek showed through. He had seen that oheek pressed against a bearded, dead face. Beside her walked a with ered, yellow duenna. Tbey came to see him exeouted. Was it cruelty or pity? Ilia jailer nnlocked the door. His manner was most deferential. "You are free, Senor Americano." Senorita Antonius was just behind the jailer. "I you it is pleasant that you are free, Senor," she stammered. "You were good to my dear father," and a tear trickled through her long blaok lashes. Kentuckiaus are not leewards either in love or war. Lieutenant Terrill grasped the senorita's hand with both of his, even while the duenna gasped and the Spanish soldiors looked as though ready to aim Mauser rifles. Pleasant to be free, senorita. but heavenly to owe it to yon," he cried, even while the olive faoo turned crim son. They walked to the nearest hotel. the lieutenant and the senorita and tho duenna, the guard having dis persed, because no longer necessary. Benorlta Antonius shyly told how a Spanish color-sergeant, who was one of her suitors, had boasted that an American had been found prowling in sanely and alone about Ponce, and that he had been imprisoned and would bo shot as a spy, though the color-sergeant's opinion was that he was a lunatic; how she had suspected that the lunatie was her late protector and her father's friend; bow she had been able through the influence of her dead father's namo to seoure bis release; and well, how glad ehe was. Sho looked very sweetly at him then bo neath the mantilla, though the duenna frowned and mumbled. Lieutenant Terrill. I have said, was no laggard in war, and he proposed and was no cepiea. ine senorita ana ner duenna re turned to the hacienda that day. The Lieutenant was to follow them the next, but the yellow fiend forbado it.' Instead of going to the hacienda he was sent home on the Relief. in. AKOTHEB INTERNATIONAL MABBIAOE. Lieutenant Terrill is convalescing rapidly at his home at Lomsvillo, but not half as quickly as he wishes. Every letttor he receives from the Porto Rioan haoienda makes him moro impatient of the lassitude of illness. One foot is assured. There will be a wedding in the little church at Ponce. Out in thecburoh yard there is a gravo two months old. It can be seen from the altir before which Senorita Maxia Antonius and Lieu tenant Luke W. Terrill will plight tnoir marriage vows. If Captain Jesu Antonius knows, ho is glad. It is tho wish of the brido that they shall go to her home at Barcelona, Spain, on their wedding tour and the devoted Kentuokian would gladly go to the wilds of the Congo with her as companion. If the President will grant, him leave of absence they will spend their honeymoon in Spain and return to the sunny hacienda in tho spring. Beside the beautiful bride's 2000 acres, near Ponce, and her ancestral estate in Spain, the happy pair will nave ono treasure trove, the bullet- torn, blood-stained coat of a Spanish omocr s uniform. New York Journal. A NAPOLEONIC ENSIGN. Flow Vonng Cnrtin, 0. 8. N Demanded the Surrender of Ponce. Richard Harding Davis, in an article in Scribnor's Magazine on the Porto Rico Campaign, relates how Ensign Cnrtiu demanded the snrrendor of Ponce, as follows: He is about the youngest-looking boy in the navy, and he is Bhort of staturo, but in his methods he is Napoleonic. He landed, with a lei ter, for the military commander, whioh demanded the surrender of the port and city, and he wore his side urms, and an expression in which there was no traoe of pity. The Cap tain of the Port informed him that the military commander was at Ponce, but that he might be persuaded to surrender if the Amerioan naval officer would condescend to drivo np to Ponce, and make his demands in per sou. The American otllcer fuirly shook and quivered with, indignation "Zounds," and "Uadzooks," and "Hang it, sir," would have utterly failed to express his astonishment, Had itome to this, then, that an en sign, holding the President's commis sion, and representing such a ship of terror as tue wasp, was io go to a mere colonel, commanding a distriot of 60,000 inhabitants? "How long will it take that military commander to get down here if he hurries?" demanded Ensign Curtin The trembling Captain of the Port, the terrified foreign consuls and the custom house officials thought that a swift-moving cab might bring him to the port in a half hour. "Have your a telephone about tho place?" asked the Napoleonic Curtin. They had. "Then call him npand tell him that if ho doesn t come down hero in a back in thirty minutes and surrender, I shall bombard Ponce I" This was the Ensign's ultimatum. He turned his back on the terrified inhabitants and returned to his gig. Four haoks started on a mad raoo for Ponce, and the central office of the telephone rang with hurry calls. Uu his way out to tho snip Ensign Curtin met Commander Davis on his way to tho shore. Commander Davis looked at his watch. "I shall extend his time another half hour, "said Com mander Davis. Ensign Curtin sa luted sternly, making no criticism upon this weak generosity on the part of his superior officer, but ho oould afford to be magnanimous. Apple-Fed Deer. Tho tamoness of the deer in Maine is remarkable. They chum with cattle in tho pastures and make themselves at home in barnyards, while a few cases are reported where men have made pets of deer and allowed them to fatten in their orchards, sc that the animals might be good and fat when the shooting season opened. Suoh an apple-fed deer was brought to Bangor recently, and it is asserted that the fruit diet will greatly improve the flavor of tue meat. A man who was carting a load of apples along the road to Ellsworth, tue other day, had a strange experi ence with hungry deer. The cart broke down, and the man deoided to camp out on the road for the night. At mianignt he was awakened by n crunching noise and found his outfit surrounded by a herd of deer who were helping themselves to the apples in the crates and boxes. The man had a gun, but it was one day before open time, and he had too much re spect for ths law to shoot. New York Sun. Tbe Heaviest Man on Earth. If greatest were the test of avoir dupois the place of honor would be filled by Maurice Canon, a native of the small frontior town of Stein, in the State of Constance. This man is said to weigh not less than fifty stone, and may claim to be the heaviest man on earth. He measures over 100 inches around the waist and sixty four around the thigh. His enormous weight does not apparently incou veuienco Lini, for he is active and in robust health. He is a well-to-do, middle-aged farmer, and, though Lin gigautio proportions naturally make him an object of curiosity to his neigh bor, he has declined all offers to stray from his native fields. Humanitarian. hTHE MEERY SIDE OF LITE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THj FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. As Special Concefslon Not a New Din. corery An Invitation Stated Vflth Precision Evidence of Ability ' A Grave Charge His Bister' Way, Ktc. "you'll be sorry for this!" the horse thief cried, "I'm a man of tbe highest pedigree!" "Well, that's all right," the leader replied, ; "We'll hang you on your family tree." Chicago Tribune. I Not a New Discovery, "A member of the French Acad emy says that the growth of hair cau be stimulated by music," remarked Mrs. Darley.' I "Well, he needn't think that is a new discovery," replied Mr. Darley. "I've heard many a hair-raising song myself." An Invitation. ' First Tramp "Do yer want ter take lunch wid me to-morrer?" Second Tramp "Take lunch wid you?" First Tramp "Yes; I know an ole woman what I t'ink is soft-hearted enough to hand out grub fer two of us." Puek, Stated With Precision. "I suppose," said the admiring mend, "that you gave a great deal of thought to that big case you just won?' "No," answered the lawyer, "I never gave a bit ot thought to it, But," he added reflectively, "I sold a lot." Washington Star. , Armed For the Frayi Wilkins (about to discharge the cook) "I'm mighty glad I saved these football things of Tom's." Life. - Evidence of Ability. "Skidley always seems industrious," remarked the gossip. "And "yet he never accomplishes much.' "Yes," replied the eager listener: "he s one of these .people who, when ever they do anything, make you think they'd be first-rate hauds at something else. Washington star. A Grave Charge, First Police Official (anxiously). 'I hear that one of our men has beaten half a dozen inoffensive citizens to death," Second Police Offloial (hotly) "If that horrible charge is true, I'll I'll hang me if I don't have him trans ferred to another precinot." HI Slater' War, Teacher "Bobby, if your mother gave your sister six apples to divide equally with you, how many would you get?" Bobby "None." Teacher "Why, Bobby, you'd get three apples." Bobby "You don t know my sis ter," Chicago Reoord. - The Fish' Trouble. "How are you getting on?" asked the first fish." "No luok at all!" replied the second fish. "The man at the end of the line is an idiot." "What's the trouble!" "I took the bait an hour ago, and I've been watching ever since for him . to put some more on." Loudon Judy. Hi Hlstake. She "They say that a little learn ing is a dangerous thing." He "Yes, I guess it is. I foiud it so once. I stopped investigating when I found out how much property my first wife s father was supposod to own, without going ahead and making inquiries as to his debts. Bnt I'll I never get taken in that way again." Cleveland Leader. Was He Coward? Wife (to lion tamer, who has been 'out late) "You coward!" Phil May's Annual. Turning Away Wrath. "It really made me indignant, Hen rietta," said Mr. Meekton, "when you intimated that I had not accomplished much in this life." 'Indeed!" 'Yes. I don't like to dispute your opinions, lint to suggest tuat a man who succeeded in becoming your hus band hasn't achieved much does seem just a little bit unjust." Glaring Exception. "Talk about men being punished in this life for their misdeeds! ex claimed Gwilliams. "Well, what new light have you got on that subject?" asked Hfiiut. "Didn t you read about that tor nado out West a few weeks ago that I struck a train and upset a car? The 'only man in it who wasn hurt was jthe baggageman." Chicag Tribune. mM lift PUZZLE DEPARTMENT. ? The solutions to tbeso puzzles will ap pear In a succeeding issue. 5. A Doable Acrostic. A place of burial. A person famed for noble action. A masculine name. To injure. A preposition. A plant. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. The finals give the name of a city. The primals give tho city's nick name. 0. An nour-Glas. 1. Murmers of discontent. 2. Con :inuing for a long time. 3. A god less. 4. A short sleep. 5. A con lonant in Profeotum. G. A kind of rehicle. 7. A dart. ft. A kind oi plate. 0. A place for walking. Centrals A great historical charac- :er. .Three Burled Cities and One Burled State. 1. After whist, bezique became the fashionable game. 2. In the next shapter, the character of Imogene rauiahed entirely. 3. There fell a large bomb a yard or two from where was standing. 4. I found Ernest ixasperated at tho unjust treatment he had received. s. Five Fled Lakes of Ih United States. 1. Aeorrsty. 2. Ellstum. 3. Ade- ion, 4. Ddmmonur. 6. Ccdgskiw. Solntlons to Previous Pnziles. 1. A Geographical Charade. -On- tar-io. 2. A Proverb Puzzle. A rolling itone gathers no moss. 8. A Diamond D LEE DEWEY EEL Y 4. A Decapitation Broil, roil.oil, 1 SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL - Tho least distanoe of Mars from tho larth is about 30,000,000 miles, and ibat of Venus 24,000,000. A dredging and shoveling apparatus worked by electricity has been sup plied to a Colorado placer mine by a manufacturing company. ' The olephant has more muscles in its trunk than any other ureatnro pos lesses in its entire body, their num ber being no fewer than 40,000. Professor Lupo, of Naples, Italy, puts his patients with diabetes upon in exclusive vegetablo diet with no restriction as to kind, as he claims, srith tho most satisfactory results. Mi Beoquerel reported two years Ago that salts of uranium throw off an invisible radiance muoh like that of the Roentgen rays, and a variety of pitchblendo has been found by M. and time, Curio to possess that property to a much greater degree. In Germany the slag from furnaces is uaeu iu tue manmaoiurb oi Dricks. The slag is grannlated and mixed with ! 1 S .. Al. , a, lime and water, and the mortar, or concrete, so producod is placed in molds and is allowed to set. The bucks are grayish white iu color. Mancoba rubber is produced in Brazil by simply cutting tho bark of tbe tree, letting the sap run in drops to the base, where by the action of the Bun a rays it coagulates aud forms an irregular solid mass, whioh is gathered by the natives and sold to the middlo men, by whom it is shipped to Araer ica and Europe. Str.tnge People of Tocupla, Australian papers which arrived at Vanoouver, B. C, give interesting do tails of the cruise of H. M. S. Mohawk iu the Solomon Islands, An officer of the warship says: "One of the most interesting features in connection with our cruise was the visit to Tocupia. Its people certainly are not lianakanas, wooly-haired or stunted in stature, but ou the contrary its 800 inhabitants are giants. One we measured was six feet ten inches tall. The women aro proportionally large. "The men have Jong straight hair whioh they dyo a flaxen color and whioh in thiok folds hangs over their copper-tinted shoulders. Tho women have their hair cut short. They may be related to the Samoaos or Maoris, but they certainly differ so muoh from the Polynesian as to make their his tory most interesting. "They have no weapons of defense. They marry only once, the supersti tion being that if a married man or woman dies the deceased's spirit has gone ahead and is waiting for the other half." A Better Price. A clergyman was vory much vexed by one of his congregation. Au old man used to go to sleep during tbe sermon, ihe clergyman oflered tbe old man's grandson a penny if he would keep his grandfather awake. Ibis went on all right for a mouth. One Sunday the old man went to leep as usual. The clergyman asked the boy why he did not keep his grand father awake. The boy answered: "You offered me a penny to keep him awake, bnt grandlather gives mo twopence not to disturb him." Spare Moments. French and British Coronet. ' French counts have nine equal pearls in their coronets, while the British baron is entiled to a coronet of four biz pearls. . " , ON THE FARM, j Well boys, the corn Is glttln' dry And buskin' time is drawn' nigh! It does my wrinkled old heart good ;To look out where tho green eorn stood And see Instead shocks turnln' brown 1 And punklns lollln' all aroun' ' The old redskins! they spile my eyes Fer anythln' but puukin pies. I see the airly frost has come i And tecbed the path of cabbage some; J I hope the winter wheat ain't hurt, 1 Last week It tuck a lively spurt; Bo, with some snow to mat it woil, I reckon It can wait a spell J'ever think a grain of wheat Looks like them "rolls" the town folks eat! The tnrkeys Is a-growin" fat; ) If them birds knew where they waa at Tboy wouldn't stuff themselves that way, Tervldin' fer Thanksglvln' day. The crops is In; the full is here And what a old rlp-snnrtin' yeBrl It makes my wrinkled old heart swell Bomotlmes to hear that dinner belli HUMOR OF THE DAY. "His Honor is at steak." said the waiter when the county judge was at dinner. Bob "What makes you think a leopardjcan change his spots?" Fred "Well, he can change his hide'n places, can't he?" "What's in a name?" a recent trav eler was heard to exclaim. "Why. about tbe hottest country on the globe is Chili!" "Was tbero much damago to the li brary by fire?" "Well, all the rare books are well done now." Yonkers Statesman. A somewhat weather-beaten tramn. being asked what was the matter with his coat, repliod, "Insomnia; it hasn't had a nap in ten years." He (desperately) "Will yon marry me? I've asked you to marry me twice." She (languidly) "No; I wouldn't even marry you once." Adams Freeman. ' "Your replies ore very tart," said the young husband. Then he hastily added: "But they are not as tart as those that mother made." Cleveland Plain Dealer. Twynn "A lately-discovered an tisoptio is called by its German dis- VU V Ut vl a colate. tnvnni "rotassiumorthodinitrocres Triplett "How did he dis cover its name?" Puck. Cholly "Yaas, sevewal years ago I fell deeply in love with a girl, but she rejected me made a regular fool of me." Molly "And you never got over it?" Brooklyn Life. Visitor (in insane asylum) "And this poor fellow is the father of trip lets. Why does he continually call for a gun?" Attendant "He thinks he sees a stork, mum." Town Topics. Madam (to riding master) "Well, sir, do you think I make any progress?" Riding Master "Certainly; yon fall much more gracefully than you used to when you first began." Bicycling World. "That's quite a draft from the west this morning," remarked tho banker to the cashier as they glanoed over the mail. The new office boy promptly olosed the transom and aain stood at attention. Detroit i'ree Press. "Did you see tho story of that fel low with only $800 who succeedod in failing for $80,000?" "Sure." "What do you think of it?" "Well, I wouldn't like to do it myself, but I would like to be ablo to do it." Chicego Evening Post. Sabbath Sohool Teacher "Why, Petey Murphy! Fighting again? Did not last Sunday's lesson teach that when you are struck oa one cheek to turn the other to the striker?" Petey Murphy "Ycs'm; but ho welted me on thenoso, an' I only got one." A traveler announces ns a faot (and Chough he is a "traveler" we believe him) that ho once iu his life beheld peo ple "minding their own business." This remarkablo occurrence happened at sea, the passengers boing "tcosiok" to attend to each other's concerns. Dootor "Well, Johnnie, don't you feel better since I gave you the medi cine?" Doctor "Yes; I forgot all about being ill." Dootor "That's what I thought; and it wasn't hard to take, was it?" Johnny "Well it was rather, for it took two of us boys to r it luim iwu vi ua uoys to ) whilo we Kflve it to him." ild think youjId get some a," said thoVsAly lady to a 3 had left his friend at the hold Carlo whilo we gnye it to him. "I should 1 work to do,1 tramp who 1 gate. "I'm working at my regular business, right along, madam," said the itinerant. "And what might your regular business be?" "Traveling companion, madam. " Yonkers States man. Teacher "Johnny, can you tell me what is meant by 'steward?'" Johnny "A steward is a man that doesn't mind his own business." Teaoher "Why, where did you got that idea?" Johnny "Well I looked it up in the diolionary, and it said: 'A man who attends to the affairs of others.'" Truth. A Budget of Dellnltlons. Memory The index to a person's thoughts. Barytone The singer who is classed as a bass imitation. Sympathy The connecting link be tween joy and sorrow. Bluff A pretty good substitute for anything but brains. Roomy The flat with many rooms, but with no room in any of them. Sentiment A good thing as long as it can be kept on a paying basis. Silence Something that is espec ially golden when we have nothing to say. Conscience Tho part of a man that hurts him when his neighbor does wrong. Chicago Daily Nows. A Waterloo Trophy. One of the special trophies of the battlo of Waterloo was carried oft by the Scots Greys, the regiment which, at Dettiugen, iu 1718, enptnred tho white (standard of tho celebrated Household Cavalry of Franco, the proudest trophy that warlike ambition might covet.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers