Tiie Forest Republican Ii published every WednosJay, by J. E. WENK. Oflot In Smearbaugb. & Co.'i Buildlnj ZLM STREET, TIO.VE3TA, PA. RATES OF ADVERTISINCi One Squire, one inch, on insertion..! 1 00 One square, one inch, one month. .. 8 00 One Square, one inch, three months. . fi 00 One Square, one inch, one year ..... 10 OJ 1 wo Squires, one yer 15 Ul Quarter Column, one year.. , . S) M Half Column, one year 50 00 One Column, one year.. 100 UU Legal advertisements ten cent per line each insertion. Marriages anil deith notices gratis. All bills for yearly advertisement collected quarterly Temporary advertisements must be paid in advance. Job work cash on deliver. OREST REPUBLICAN. Term 81.00 Pe Year. Ho subscriptions received for a shorter period than three months. Oorrespondem-o solicits tram all parti of tba country. No not to wlU ba takea of anonymous oommunla.-uioiii. VOL. XXXI. NO. 34. TI ON EST A, PA., WEDNESDAY, DEC. 7, 1898. $1.00 PER ANNUM. I For an anoient despotism lheybave onie strikingly modern ways in China, , It has beon caloulated by a Genoese jonrnal that the discovery of Ainorica cost about $7500. Columbus hail a alary of $333; tbo captains of the Nina and Finta got $180 each; tho sailors received 82. 50 each ner month , Tho outfit of the expedition amounted to $2800. II, do Royer, who is recognized as one of the leading authorities on ones lions of heraldry and gonoalogy in Frapoe, calculates that in a single rear about $20,000,000 have found their way into the pockets of the French 'nobility through the BuooeSsful quest of American heiresses by titled French men, and it was not acoounted au ex ceptionally successful year for tho Frenoh nobility cither. It is only about the average harvest, sad to say, The "little brown men" of Japan are catching np ropidly with the ways of civilization. Directors of the Nishi Nari Railway Company have discov ered a deficiency of $270,000 in tho oompany's assets and havo demanded Au explanation. Prosidjnt Manako has made an unsatisfactory statement to tbo effect that the missing money has been used for "promotion ex penses." It appears that this com pany was organized several years ago with $15,000,000 capital, to build a railroad from the south to the north end of Formosa. Actual work has never been commenced, and the money paid 'in for stock, has apparently been squandered. Verily, "Civilization on her luminous wings" has lost no tiino in soaring over to Japau. In New York and other cities the publio authorities oro hotly blamed for the inadequacy of school aocoinino '. dations, and tho building of now , sohoolhouses presses hard upon the rolaotant appropriations, especially in wards whero the population is rapidly iuoreasod by immigration. Often it is nocessary to hire extra rooms. In Boston thero has been at least one in stance whero a new schoolroom was oponod and immediately Oiled by ohil - die u who had not been two months in ' Amerioa. Our climate hardly permits ns to adopt a custom of the smaller lowns'of Greece, whero the children often sit on benches in tho open air, onder the shade of a treo from which the teacher can easily out a switch. Iho young Turk not only commits the Koran in an out-of-door school, but (earns to write On tho ground, using his finger or a stick in plooe of pen or penoil. La Fatrie, tho official organ of the French-Canadians, is reminded by England's course with respect to Fas hoda' of the cruel tyranny with which the United States lias treated Spain. Tkight," it says, "i3 nothing to the . Artffln-SftTnn frnm tlin mnmflnf. v1i an ne is certain mat uo is the stronger." v ' That is indeed amusing, observes the Now York Times; it also Casts some light oq tho feeling of France for this eountry. Tho French-Canadians, 'as is well knowji, aro considerably more urcucn man lanaman, ana just as .' it i TI 1 at. t f i . . iueir inuxaaje ls in a way more reanv Gallio than ' that of Faris, so their opinions can be taken as expressing more frankly the real opinions of France than do tho numerous inter views with cosmopolitan Parisians that have been supplied to us. And the French-Canadisus beliove that tho United States was utterly wrong and that Spain was uttorly right in tho recent argument! Well, well, welll The Pesther Lloyd, of Vienna, Aus . .tiia, reviews the legislation In relation to anarchism passed in different States - during the last fifteen years. It be gins with laws against theoriminaluse of explosives adopted in, England, an ' examplo that was followed a little later by Germany and Austria. Later on the Belgian laws affecting anarchism were made more stringent.. Between 1893 and 1891 no fewer than three dif ferent acts were passed in France, and these reoeived a sharp application af ter the murder of President Carnot. As a result of this crime by the Italian 1 f .1 - uaserio, inree similar laws were passed jn Italy. Ttiey were suspended two years afterwards, bnt in consequence of the disturbances at Milan were re-, inacted in a more severe form. Spain and Portugal have introduced similar modifications in their criminal legisla - tion. Kussia deals with the Nihilists in her owu fashion. ' There is, there fore, no lack of legislation on the sub ject, and the Feather Lloyd argues that all that is necessary is that each nation sbonld enforce energetically its own decrees. This wonld lead to a practieal'Jnternational agreement be tween all polico authorities. It will remain f the different Towers to de cide Whether anarchist murders are to be dealt with as political ot common fIMMH 1 ; HOSANNA Ere ever the (tuns are silenced; Ere ever the mandate, Feaeel Shall tall on the raging nations, bball bid all their warfare cease; Ere ever the lamb In slumber Lies safe 'neath tbo lion's paw. Wo will cry to the East: Uosannal V We will call to tho West: Husxahl A hymn to the God of Battles, I Who glveth the conn'ring sword, 1 Who barks to theory for lustlee, Who bends for the weak one's word; A hymn for the grandest triumph E or fflven tbo world to cheer We will lift that the East may barkon. We will slug that tho West may hear. By ADA The most dramatlo romanoo of the war with Spain Is that of young Lieutenant Luko W. Torrlll, of Loulsvillo, Ky., and Senorita Maxla Antonlus, of Barcelona, Bpatn. Its situations aro as marvelous ns thoso of any melodrama. Us motives as tender as thoso of nuy Idyl ever written. it is a story of battle and death and mourn lug sad lovo. Its recital Is n bit of dusorln tlve music In which can be beard, first, the reveille, then u death cry, tho mourning voice of a, woman, n song ot love and the chime ot marriage bells. A Kentucky lieu tenant and a 'Bpanlsh captain and the girl who was the daughter of one nnd will be bride ot the other, are the three chief ngures in the romanoe. I. BEEN A OENSBOX78 FOB.'' IMPLORE you to keep tne coat, Its bloodstains and its bullet holes will re mina yon of a Spaniard's death wound and his thanks. "Americano. the darkness and tho cold are come. Kiss me, my friend. Adiosl" - A big, honest-eyed Kentnckian stooped above a dying Spaniard. He touched the paling, bearded lips with t; i i. . n uis ana louua mat tne uarnness and tho cold ha'd indeed come. A girl who had beon holding the hand of the Spanish captain, Jesu An touins, in hers felt tho fingers stiffou and grow chill. She pressed hor olive cheek close to his black-bearded ono. Again she felt the chill. Ween ing beside him there, it was easy to note tho resemblanco of her dolicate profile to his harsher one, and to know that Captniu Jesu Antouius, dead, and Maxla Antouius, mourning, were father and daughter. Lieutenant Luke Terrill himself led the weeping girl away from tho stark. soldierly figure on the hacienda ver anda. A wrinkled, yellow duenna met him at the door and snatched tho girl's hand from his arm. "Aooursed Americano. There is your work. Yon shall not enter here I" Crossing herself and mumbling, she hurriod tho girl away, but not before Senorita Maxia Antouius had given a baokward gWnco of grief and grati tudo. Tho Spanish physician tolerated the touch of the American upon the body of Captaiu Antonius. lie saw it was a strong and wise and tender touoh. IIo allowed him to help to carry tho dead captain within. Then he dismissed him and Lieutenant Terrill returned to the detachment of men that had been stationed on tho hacienda to save Captain Antouius's property from the revengeful and ravaging Foito Bicans. lie was a splendid you no; specimen of manhood, from that splendid rear ing ground of men, Kentucky. He was a good six feet in height, and had a fine sweep of shoulders and tho free stride of an Indian. His eyes were frank and bine. His hair aud mus tache were of the color of the chest nuts in the woods at home. Ho had written a long letter to his mother that morning. "I am in charge of fifty men, who are guarding the baciouda of a rioh Spaniard from Barcelona, who is skirmishing somewhora near Fonce. The Porto Bicans hate him because he is rich and Spanish aud spends only a month or two hero at the hacienda. Now that ho has joined the army they aro more vindictive than ever. There are only his daugh ter a young woman, the most beau tiful I ever saw; mother, who casts the most disdainful glances npon me and never deigns to speak and three or four servants. It is rather monot onous, this role of unwelcome pro tector. I wish something would hap pen to stir the blood." Aud something did happen before the ink was dry upon the paper. A little procession filed out of the woods and,np tho hill. A torn handkerchief waved from a branch the bearer had cut in tho woods. It was a pitiful flag of trace, and the Lieutenant or dered his men to lower their Kans. As the men came near it could be sees that the men bore a litter. The Kentnckian and his men went to meet them. "I surrender. Americano: it is final," said the man on the litter, with a grim attempt at a joke. lieutenant Terrul moistenod the old man's lips from a canteen. He bade his owu men relieve the tired men who carried the litter. He loosened the coat that seemed too tight for' the heavinar chest of the Spaniard in his death agony. You have protected my home and my Uttlo one? Thanks! Thanks!" And so they had carried Captain Antonius to his home. Ho had begged that they let him rest upon the veranda. 'I am too tired. I can co no I J! "IOC QAVB Ml AND HUZZAH. Tar over tbo waving banners The foundry's flame-plumes swirl; And over the stoker blazons The flag whloh be helped unfurl. But It o'er our boarths one hovers The glory of sacrifice We will make to the East no moaulngs, ' We will make to the West no cries. The fires of conquest kindle; ' The elang of our sword sounds far; The llou purrs as be watobes Uis whelp at the game of war. But ere we forget in oar triumph, And lest we grow faint tn our cause, We will cry to tho East Hosannas, We will shout to tho West Iluzzahs. Grace Dufllo Boylun, la Chicago Journal. OF ALL THE M PATTERSON. further," he said. "I want to dio ou the hacienda, but iu the sunshine Call Maxia." She had come and kissed his hands and wept as a frightened child. Ho had petted and soothed her and then turned to tho big man who wore the uniform of the enemy. "You havo been a generous foe Keep this ooat. It will roinind yon of a Spaniard s death wound and his thanks. "Americano, the darkness and the cold are como. Kiss me, my friend Adios." II. irnuT. termll's stbanoe keleasb Lieutenant Terrill was ordered to Guyama the day after tho death of the Spanish captain. Carefully packed in his meagre lug' gage was a coat of Spanish army pat teru with an officer's badge and the rents and the blood stains made by lour American bullets The withered yellow duenna had brought it to him, Terrill did something foolish for t brawny Kentucky ollicer when he packed that coat among his belong ings. He looked npon the breast of the eoat for the stain of tear drop from the pretty Senorita Maxia's eyes Ho blushed like any girl. He called himself a sentimental fool. The yellow fiend had been let loose at Fonoe, aud people wero dying by tne score. It was foolhardy for Lion tenant Terrill to wander thero from Guyama. There wore moro danger than that of yellow fever threatening visitors to ronce. it Had been aban doned by American soldiers, and Spanish sympathizers had resumed their tyranny. Lieutenant Terrill oould give no satisfactory reason for his visit to Fonce. Ho was not apt to inventions, ana bad no told them that a fancy to be nearer tho lovely senorita Ataxia Antonius had been tne moving cause of his journey they would nave jeered at nun for his presump tion. They ened "Spy! Spy!" And so Lieutenant Terrill' was thrown into prison. Ho was not allowed to send a mes sage to his regiment, nor to his home wuue not lucomunicauo, lie was so despised aud feared as a spy that no one in Ponce would bo the bearer of a word from him. The jailor was iuso lent, and the guards made ghastly pantomime or a bl.nufoldeu man be ioro a nno oi men wno wero aiming Mauser rides at him. And, again, the Kentnckian called himself a fool, and smoked vigorously. One day thore was a disturbance outside the jail. Lieutenant Terrill looked through his barred windows, Was the pantomime of the blindfolded man standing bofore a line ot Spanish soldiery with Mauser rifles to be en aoted? Ho sot his teeth firmly. Ho wonld die liko a Kentnckian and au officer. There were Spauish soldiers com ing. They were armed with Mauser nlles. At their head, however, walked a young, graoeful figure, whoso bent head was gracefully draped with a lace mantilla. The outliue of tho olive cheek showed through. He had seen that check pressed against a bearded, dead face. Beside her walked a with ered, yellow duenna. They came to see him executed. Was it cruelty or pity? His jailer unlocked the door. His manner was most deferential. "You are free, Senor Americano." Senorita Antonius was just behind the jailer. "I you it is pleasant that you are free, Senor," she slammered. "You wero good to my dear father," and a tear trickled through her long blaok lashes. Kentuckiaus are not laggards either iu love or war. Lieutenant Terrill grasped the'senorits's hand with both of his, even while the duenna gasped and the Spanish, soldiers looked as though, ready to aim Mauser rifles. "Pleasant to be free, senorita. but heavenly to owe it to you," he cried, even while the olive faco turned crim son. They walked to the nearest hotel. the lieutenant and tho senorita and tho duenna, the guard having dis persed, because no longer necessary. benorita Autonius shyly told how a Spauish color-sergeant, who was one of her suitors, had boasted that an American had been found prowling in sanely and alono about Ponce, and that he had beou imprisoned and would bo shot as a spy, though the color-sergeant's opinion was that he was a lunatic; how she had suspected that the lunatic was her lato protector and her father's friend; how she had been able through the influence of her dead father's namo to secure his release; and well, how glad bIio was. Sho looked very sweetly at him then be neath the mantilla, though the duenna frowned and mumbled. Lieutenant Terrill. I have said, was no lasgard in I war, and he proposed and was no cepted. The senorita and her duenna re turned to the hacienda that day. The Lieutenant was to follow them the next, but the yellow fiend forbado it. Instead ot going to the hacienda he was sent home on the Belief. III. AXOTHEE INTERNATIONAL MARRIAGE, Lieutenant Terrill is convalescing rapidly at his home at Lonisvillo, bnt not half as quickly as he wishes. Every letttor he receives from the Forto Bioan hacienda makes him moro impatient of the lassitude of illness. One faot is assured. Thero will be a wedding in the little church at Ponce. Out in the church yard there is a gravo two months old. It can be seen from the altir before which Senorita Maxia Antonius and Lieu tenant Luke W. Terrill will plight their marriage vows. If Captain Jesu Antonius knows, ho is glad. It is tho wish of the brido that they shall go to her home at Barcelona, Spain, on their wedding tonr and tho devoted Kentnckian would gladly go to the wilds of tho Congo with her as companion. If tho President will gran, him leave of absence they will spend their honeymoon in Spain and return to the sunny hacienda in tho spring. Beside the beautiful bride's 2000 acres, near Ponce, and her ancestral estato in Spain, the happy pair will have ono treasure trove, tho bullet torn, blood-stained coat of a Spanish officer's uniform. New York Journal. A NAPOLEONIC ENSICN. now rouuf Cortin, C. 8. N., Demanded the Surrender of Ponce. Bichord Harding Davis, in an article in Scribnor's Magazine on the Porto Bico Campaign, relates how Ensign Curtiu demanded the surrendor of Ponce, as follows: He is about the youngest-looking boy in the navy, and he is short of staturo, but in his methods he is Napoleonic. He landed, with a let ter, for the military commander, which demanded the surrender of the port and city, and he wore hie side arms, and au expression in which there was no trace of pity. The Cap tain of the Port informed him that the military commander was at Ponce, but that ho might be persuaded to surrender if the American naval officer would condescend to drivo np to Ponce, and make his demands iu per oou. Tne American ollicer fairly shook and quivered with indignation. "Zounds," and "Gadzooks," and "Hang it, sir," would have utterly failed to express bis astonishment, Had itjcomo to this, theu, that an en sign, holding the President's commis sion, and representing such a ship of terror as the Wasp, was to go to a mere colonel, commanding a district of 60,000 inhabitants? "How long will it take that military commander to get down Here if he hurries?" demandod Ensign Curtin. The trembling Captain of the Port, the terrified foreign consuls and the custom house officials thought that a swift-moving cab might bring him to tne port in a half hour. "Have your a telephone nbqnt tho place?" asked the Napoleonic Curtin. They had. "Then call him up and tell him that if ho doesn't come down hero in a hack in thirty minutes and surrender, I shall bombard Ponce!" This was the Ensigu's ultimatum. Ho turned his back on the terrified inhabitants and returned to his gig. Four haoks started on a mad raco for Ponce, and tho central office of tho telephone rang with hurry calls. On his way out to tho ship Ensign Curtin met Commander Davis on his way to tho shoro. Commander Davis looked at his watch. "I shall extend his time another half honr,"eaid Com mander Davis. Ensign Curtin sa luted sternly, making no criticism npon this weak generosity on tho part of his superior officer, but ho oould afford to bo magnanimous. Apple-Fed Deer. Tho tamcness of the deer in Maine js remarkable. They chum with cattle in tho pastures and make themselves at home in barnyards, whilo a few cases are reported where men have made pets of deer and allowed them to fatten in their orchards, sc that the animals might be good and fat when the shooting seasou opened. Such an apple-fed deer was brought to Bangor recently, and it is asserted that the fruit diet will greatly improve the flavor of the meat. A man who was carting a load of apples along the road to Ellsworth, the other day, had a strange experi ence with hungry deer. The cart broke down, and the man deoided to camp out on the road for the night. At midnight he was awakened by n crunching noise and found his outfit surrounded by a herd of deer who were helping themselves to the apples iu the crates and boxes. The man had a gun, but it was one day before open time, and he had too much re spoct for the law to shoot. Now York Sun. The Heaviest Man on Kartb, If greatest were the test of avoir- upois the place of honor would be filled by Maurice Canon, a native of the small frontior town of Stein, in the State of Constance. This man is said to weigh not less that) fifty stone, and may claim to be the heaviest mau on earth. He measures over 100 inches around the waist and tdxty four around the thigh. His enormous weight does not apparently incou- euienco mm, for bo is active and in robust health. Ho is a well-to-do. middle-aged farmer, and, though his igautio proportions naturally inako im an object of curiosity to his neigh bors, he has declined all oilers to stray from his native field?. Humanitarian. 'THE MERRY SDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THS FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Asa Special Concession Not a New 1I cover An Invitation Stated With Precision Evidence of Ability A Grave Charge His Bister's Way, Etc. Tou'll be sorry for this!' the horse thief cried, "I'm a man of the highest pedigree!" "Well, that's all right," the leader replied, "We'll hang you on your family tree." ! Chicago Tribune, Not a New Discovery. "A member of the French Acad emy says that the growth of hair can be stimulated by music," remarked Mrs. Darley. ' "Well, he needn't think that is a new discovery," replied Mr. Darley. "I've heard many a hair-raising song myself." An Invitation. First Tramp "Do yer want tor take lunch wid me to-morrer?" Second Tramp "Take lunch wid you?" First Tramp "Yes; I know an ole woman what I fink is soft-hearted enough to hand out grub fer two of ns." Puck. Stated With Precision. "I suppose," said the admiring friend, "that you gave a great deal of thought to that big case you just won?" "No," answered the lawyer, "I never gave a bit ot thought to it. But," he added reflectively, "I sold a lot." Washington Star. Armed For the Fray. Wilkins (about to discharge the cook) "I'm mighty glad I saved these football things of Tom's." Life. - Evidence of Ability. "Skidley always seems industrious," remarked the gossip. "And yet he never accomplishes much." "Yes," replied the eager listoner; "he's one of these 'people who, when ever they do anything, make youthiul: they'd be first-rate hands at something else." Washington Star. A Grave Charge, First Police Official (anxiously) "I hear that one of our men has beaten half a dozen inoffensive citizens to death." Second Police Official (hotly) "If that horrible charge is true, I'll I'll hang me if I don't have him trans ferred to another precinct." nis Bister's Way. Teacher "Bobby, if your mother gave your sister six apples to divide equally with yon, how many would you get?" , Bobby "None." ; Teacher "Why, Bobby, you'd get three apples." i Bobby "You don't know my bis tsr." Chicago Becord. The Fish's Trouble. "How are you getting on?" asked the first fish." "No look at all!" replied the second fish. "The man at the end of the line is an idiot." 1 "What's the trouble!" ! "I took the bait an honr ago, and I've beon watching ever since for him to put some more on." Loudon Judy. His Mistake. She "They say that a little learn ing is a dangerous thing." He "Yes, I guess it is. I fouad it so once. I stopped investigating when I found out how much property my first wife's father was supposod to own, without going ahead and making inquiries as to his debts. But I'll never get taken in that way again." Cleveland Leader. Was He a Coward? f Wife (to lion tamer, who has been out late) "Xou coward!" rnu fliay s k i Annual. Turning Away Wratli. ' "It really made me indignant, Hen rietta," said Mr. Jleekton, "when you intimated that I had not accomplished much in this life." "Indeed!" "Yes. I don't liko to dispute yonr opinions. But to suggest that a man who succeeded in becoming your hus band nasn t achieved much does seem just a little bit unjust." Glaring Exception. "Talk about men being punished in this lifo for their misdeeds!' ex claimed Gwilliums. "Well, what new light have you got on that subject?" asked Sfliut. "Didn't you read about that tor nado out West a few weeks ago that struck a train and upset a car? The only man in it who wasn't hurt was the baggageman." Chicago Tribune. i " I " ' 1 1 . mm m fwaam m The solutions to tbeso puzzles will ap pear iu a Bucceeuing issue. O. A Double Acrostic. 1. A place of burial. 2. A person famed for noble action. 3. A masculine namo. 4. To injure. C. A preposition. 6. A plant. The finals give the name of a city. The primals give tho city's nick- aame. O. An nour-QUss. 1. Mitrmers of discontent. 2. Con ;inuing for a long time. 3. A god less. 4. A short sleep. 5. A con1 lonant in Profectum. C. A kiud of rehicle. 7. A dart. 8. A kind of plate. 9. A place for walking. Centrals A great historical charac :er. I. Three Hurled Cities and One Hurled State. 1. After whist, bezique became tho iashionable game. 2. In the next shapter, the character of Imogene rauished entirely. 3. There fell a largo bomb a yard or two from where was standing. 4. I found Ernest ixasperated at tho unjust treatment ae had roceived. i Five Tied Lakes of the United States. 1. Aeorrsty. 2. Ellstum. 3. Ade ion, 4. Ddinmonur. 5. Cedgekiw. Solutions to Previous Fuziles. 1. A Geographical Charade. On-iar-io. 2. A Proverb Fuzzle. A rolling itoue gathers no moss. 3. A Diamond D LEE DEWEY EEL Y 4. A Decapitation Broil, roil.oil, 1 SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL Tho least distance of Mars from tho tarth is about 30,000,000 miles, and ihat of Veuus 21,000,000. A dredging and shoveling appuratns (forked by electricity has been sup plied to a Colorado placer mine by a nauufacturing company. Tho elephant has more muscles in its trunk than any other creoturo pos lesses in its entire body, their num ber being no fewer than 40,000. Professor Lupo, of Naples, Italy, puts his patients with diabetes npou in exclusive vegetablo diet with no restriction as to kind, as he claims, with tho most satisfactory results. M. Beoquerel reported two years ,go that salts of uranium throw off au invisible radiance much like that of Ihe Roentgen rays, and a variety of pitchbleudo has Leon found by M. and Mine. Curio to possess that property to a much greater degree. In Germauy the slag from furnaces is used iu the manufacture of bricks. The slag is granulated and mixod with lime and water, and the mortar, or concrete, so produced is placed in molds and is allowed to set. Tho bricks are grayish white iu color. Maucoba rubber is produced in Brazil by simply cutting tho bark of the tree, letting the sap ran iu drops to the base, where by tho action of tho sun's rays it coagulates and forms an irregular solid mass, which is gathered by the natives and sold to the muldlo men, by whom it is shipped to Amer ica and Europe. Str.mje People of Tocupla. Australian papers which arrived at Vancouver, B. C, give interesting do tails of tho cruise of II. M. S. Mohawk in the Solomon Islands. An officer of the warship says: "One of the most interesting features in connection with our cruise was tho visit to Tocupia. Its people certainly are not Ivanakanas, wooly-haued or stuuted iu stature, bnt ou the contrary its 800 inhabitants are giants. One we measured was six feet ten inches tall. The women aro proportionally large. "The men have Jong straight hair which they dyo a llaxeu color and which in thick folds hangs over their copper-tinted shoulders. Tho women have their hair cut short. They may be relate'.! to the Samoans or Maoris, but they certainly differ so much from tho Polynesiau as to make their his tory most interesting. "They have no weapons of defense. They marry only once, the supersti tion being that if a married man or woman dies the deceased's Bpirit has gone ahead and is waiting for the other half." A Better Price. A clergyman was very much vexed by ono of his congregation. Au old mau used to go to sleep during the sermon. The clergyman offered tho old man's graudson a penny if he would kocp his grandfather awuke. This went on all right for a mouth. One Sunday the old man wcut to sleep as usual. The clergyman asked the boy why he did not keep his grand father awako. Tho boy answered: "You offered iue a peuuy to keep him awake, but grandlather gives mo twopence not to disturb him." Spare Moments. French and Urltlsh Coronets. 1 French counts have uino equal pearls iu their coronets, while the British baron is eutiled to a coronet of four bis uearls. . , ON THE FARM, .Well, boys, the corn is glttln' dry And buskin' time is drawn' nlghl ;It does my wrinkled old heart good ' ;To look out where tho green corn stood And see instead shocks turntn' brown 1 And punkins lollln' nil aroun' ,Tho old rodsklnsl they spile my eyos For anytUln' but punkin pies. I see the airly frost has come i And tec lied the path of cabbage some; ) I hope the winter wheat ain't hurt, 1 Last week It tuck a lively spurt; 8o, with somo snow to mat it woll, I rockon it ran wait a spell J'ever think a grain of wheat Looks like them "rolls" the town folks eatT Tho turkeys Is a-growln' fat; f If them birds knew where they was at Thoy wouldn't stuff themselves that way, Tcrvidin' fer Thanksglvln' day. The crops Is Id; the full Is here And what a old rip-snnrtin' year! It makes my wrinkled old heart swell Sometimes to hear that dinner belli HUMOR OF THE DAY. "His Honor is at steak." said tho waiter when the county judgo was at dinner. Bob "What makes you think leopardcan change his spots?" Fred "Well, ho can change his hide'n places, nt ho?" "What's in a name?" a recent trav eler was heard to exclaim. "Why, abont the hottest country on the srlobe is Chili!" "Was thero much damasro to the li brary by fire?" "Well, all the rare books are well done now." Yonkers Statesman. A somewhat weather-beaten trtmn. being asked what was the matter with his coot, replied. "Insomnia: it hasn't bad a nap in ten years." He (desneratelvl "Will Ton marrr me ? I've asked vou to marrv me twin." Sho (languidly) "No; Iwouldn't even marry you once. Adams f reeman. "lonr replies ore very tart." said the young husband. Then ho hastily added: "But they are not as tart as thoso that mother made." Cleveland Plain Dealer. Twynu "A lately-discovered an- tisoptio is called by its Gorman dis coverer. "Potassiumorthodinitrocres colate.'1 Triplett "How did he dis cover its name?" Puck. Chollv "Yaas. sevewal Years nro T fell deeply iu love with a girl, but she rejected me made a regular fool of me. Molly "And you never got over it?" Brooklyn Life. Visitor (in insane osvlnm "And this poor fellow is the father of trirj- lets. Why does he continual v call for a gun?" Attondaut "He thinks he sees a stork, mum." Town Topics. Madam (to ridius masteri "Well. sir. do vou think I make anvnrosrress?" Biding Master "Certainly; yon fall mucu more gracefully than you nsed to when you first began." Bicycling World. "That's niiitfl n di'Aft frnm tlifl wnul this morning," remarked tho banker to the cashier as they slauoed over the mail. The new office boy promptly closed the transom aud azain stood, at ottention. Detroit 1'reo Press. "Did you see tho story of that fel low with only $800 who succeeded in failing for $S0,000?" "Sure." "What do you think of it?" "Woll, I wouldn't like to do it myself, but I would like to bo nblo to do it." Chicago Evening Post. Sabbath School Teacher "Why, Petey Murphy! Fighting again? Did not last Sunday's lesson teach that when you are struck on ono cheek to turn the other to the striker?" Petey Murphy "Yes'in; but ho woltod mo on the noso, an' I only got one." A traveler announces as a fact (and though he is a "traveler" wo believe him) that ho once in his life beheld peo ple "minding their owu business." This rematkablo occurrence happened at sea, the passengers boing "tco sick" to attend to each other's concerns. Doctor "Well, Johnnie, don't you feel better since I gave you the medi cine?" Doctor "l'es; I forgot all about being ill." Doctor "That's what I thought; and it wasn't hard to take, was it?" Johnny "Well it was rather, for it took two of us boys to hold Carlo whilo we gave it to him." "I should think you would got some work to do," said tho elderly lady to a tramp who had left his friend at the gate. "I'm working at my regular business, right along, madam," said tho itinerant. "And what might your regular business be?" "Traveling companion, madam." Yonkers States man. Teacher "Johnny, can you tell me what is meaut by 'steward?' " Johnny "A stoward is a mau that doesn't mind his own business." Teacher "Why, where did you got that idea?" Johnny "Wey I looked it up in the dictionary, and it said: 'A man who attends to the affairs of othors.' " Truth. A lluilget of Dellnltlons. Memory The index to a person's thoughts. Barytone The singer who is classod as a bass imitation. Sympathy Tho connecting link be tween joy aud sorrow. Bluff A pretty good substituto for anything but brains. Boomy Tho Hat with many rooms, but with no room iu any of them. Sentiment A good thing as long as it cau be kept on a paying basis. Silence Something ihat is espco iully golden when we have nothing to say. Conscience Tho part of a man that hurts him when his neighbor does wrong. Chicago Daily News. A Waterloo Trophy. Ono of the special trophies of the battle of Waterloo was carried ofl by the Scots Greys, iho regiment which, at Dettiugen, iu 171, captured tho whito 'standard of Iho celebrated Household Cavalry of Franco, the proudest trophy that warlike ambition might covet.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers