Tiie Forest Republican la published avery Wednes lay, by Offlo In Smearbaugb. ft Co.'. BoiUin; ILX STREET, TIOSE3TA, VK. Terms, - tJI.OO ! Year. Ro subscriptions received (or a borter period than tnroo mouths. Oorraapoadonco toliolte I from all ptrti of lb country. No uo;ioe will be taken ol anonymous ooa)iuuoiuilon. Lieutonaut Blue's personally con luctel tours are very popular with Shis country. Considering tliat the general de ficiency bill carries an appropriation of $210,000,000, is clear that the de ficiency is very gonernl indeed. ' China has suffered some financial reverses lately, but the demand foi -fireworks this year has gone far to ward putting the government on its foet. It is estimated that our exports foi the yeor 1893 will amount to $835, 000,000, exceeding all previous rec ords by about $16,000,000. Exportl of corn tilono havo exceeded 200,000,. 000 bushels, as ajainst 100,000,000 the highest previous record. At tho last session of the Georgia Legislature the sum of $10,000 wai approprioted to the Georgia Sohool ol Technology for the purpose of adding a textile deuartmouV to that inetitu tion; but iu order to make this sun available it was provided that anothei like sum should first be raised by pop Hlar subscription, mukiug the total eu dowment 820.000. The assignment of Commodore John Crittenden Watson to the command ol the Eastern Squadron brings before the public anothor graduate of Ad niiral Farrngut's school of naval war fare. The Commodore was flag lieu teuaut on the Liar t ford at the battle ol Mobile Bay, and it was he who lashed the Admirat to the rigging after tht bluff old hero had refused to take i less exposed positiou. Rear-Adrnirai Dewey received his first praotical instruction under Farragut, and th taotics of Mobile Bay won for him and for Amorioan arms enduring fame it Mauila Bay thirty-four years later. The war has not thus far produced much novel caricaturo, the caricatur ists being satisfied for the most pari with the old types and this, too, al though thoro is some complaint ol them, says the New York Post. A few critics have appeared who declare that there is not sufficient correspou dence between the type and what it typifies. John Bull, for instance, il is said, might well enough two gen erations ago have been regularly sol before us as a burly, red-cheeked far mer, and in the days whon the "American Cousin" made the fortune of a theatre, the United States might fairly have been caricatured as a long, lank, lantern-jawed Yankee whittler but in these days John Bull and wi bave become more cosmopolitan, and both countries should endeavoi to introduce a new caricature typ which would be more "up to date." Human nature crops out iu tht circles of domestic peace or war quite as often and as typically as it doei down on the sweltering battlefields ol Cuba. A dressmaker who sued a cus tomer for $2 furnished a pleasing ex ample of this iu a police court in New York City. The customer awore be fore a more or less pationt Magistral that the garment which was appraisec at 82 made her look like a fright, anc that she could not oouscientionslj give up her good money for such poo; work. The dressmaker, however, do manded (2, and would not take any thing else. The Magistrate theretipoi invented "the municipal fund for the settlement of strauge cases," and pak the money out of his own pocket When the dressmaker found out tha there was no such fund she returnee the money with the announcemen that she had an abundance of it. Shi simply did not wish another woman t "get the best of her." That is tht glorious spirit which wins victories it peace or war. The confession of Professor George Herbert Stephens, a former profossoi oi logic and moral philosophy of La fuyette College, that he was the authoi of the fire which recently destroyed Pardee Hall, and also of various othct nets of desecration and malicious mis chief which have been charged to the students of the college, is an acknowl edgment of a degree of moral wicked ness rarely found in the most de praved members of our civilization. It is all the more remarkable, com metis the Trenton (N. J.) American, that ore enjoying such opportuuitiei for solf-culture should give himself nr. so entirely to his thirst for revenge for an injury which he brought upot himself by his own imprudent acti. Ho takes rank with the monstrositiet of crime which have disgraced otn civilization, while his lapse from the paths of virtue can only be accounted for on the grouud that in the pursuit of his revenges he lost the control o! his reason. That is the only charita ble grounds upon which bin uionstroui crimes can be accounted fur. Fore VOL. XXXI. NO. THOU SHALT NOT Thou shalt not walk alone. The shadows gather and the weird winds moan, Tho ghoul, Grief, grlnnoth on the graven stone; Wild Is the way, but lone It shall not ba If I may share thy pilgrimage with thee. As from a mystlo scroll. Which love and sympathy alone unroll, I read the -irets of thy sorrowing soul. And with responsive sorrow take thy hand ' To lead thee o'er the baloful bordcrlund. THE POWER A. Filibustering Episode w - w BY C. UUNGEBFOBD. F you please, sir, do you want to hire a boy?" said a sturdy, sun burned boy to the captain of a coast- - ing vessel that lay tied to a wharf in a Southern port. "Don't believe I elo, sonny," re plied the captain, regarding tho boy critically. "Ever had any experience in a sailing vessel?" "No, sir; but I worked for Mr. Church, the surveyor, aud he says that navigating aud surveying are pretty much alike; leastways, the figuring is," the boy continued. "I reckon," said the captain, shrewdly, after a moment's delibera tion, "that you're one of those boys that's run away from home an' expects to bo captain of a clipper ship iu three months. You better go back home to yer ma and pa and get a good eddioa tion, au' perhaps when you're a man you'll own a big ship." "I never had any parents, aud I haven't had a home for a year," said the boy, sadly. Then by way of ex planation: "You see, I was found floating in my cradle when I was a baby at the time of the big flood, and they couldn't find out who I belongod to, so Miss Kyle took care of me and sent me to school until a year ago, and then she dit d, and her relations from out West, came and took her property. Thoro . didn't seem to be any place for me after that, and so Mr. Chase gave me my board for helping him survey. He's not very busy now, so I thought I would try aud get some thing to do." The captain meditated for some time over this long explanation. "Well, I expect to go out to the Bauks this winter, an' I'll need a good, bright boy that ain't afraid of work. I expect to put in hore again in about two weeks, an' if you'll happen arouud I'll ship you. What'B jour name?" "My name's George Bylo, sir; but can't you lot me go with you now?" "No," said the captain, decidedly, "you can't come now." The boy felt, too much disappointed to tell the captain that work was a necessity to him at once, aud that all he had to live on for the ensuing two weeks was two sandwiches and a bot tle of home-made root beer that kind hearted Mrs. Chase had given him with his car fare to the city. While he was trying to think of a way out of the difficulty the idea of becoming a stowaway on the schooner popped into his head. This did not seem honorable, but the longer he meditated on the subject the stronger grew his conviction that there was no other road open to him. It had now become quite dark, and George moved cautiously toward the sohooner to reoonnoitre. To his dis may he saw a sailor in the act of east ing off the hawsers that bound her to the wharf. Too late too late. It was indeed a day of disappointments. Very slowly the stern of the vessel swung around with the current, aud a ray of light from the cabin of a near by steamer flashed under her oouuter, revoaliug, for a brief space, her name. "The Happy Thought, Bath," read the boy, as he walked to the end of the pier. "Hello! They've left their dory behind them." The words were hardly uttered before he was iu the boat and pulling rapidly toward the slowly disappearing schoouer. Then another idea seized him, and he stopped rowing. "Of course," he said to himself, "the captain will be glad to get his dory, but he will have me put bock on shore. I won't be any better off then th.tu I was before. I'm going to return this dory and I'm going to get on that schooner at the same time without be ing seen." Then, noticing that the vessel was no longer drifting, he drew cautiously nearer and saw to his sur prise that all was activity on board and that a. large lighter was being rapidly unloaded into tho schooner's hold. A momont later a boat shot out from the shadow of the lighter and came rapidly toward him. Quick as a flash he dropped quietly into the water and swam rapidly away for a few moments; then, turning, swam under the schooner's bow. Seeing an opportunity, the boy pulled himself up by the anchor chains, aud, grasp ing the bob stay and fore stays, swung himself over the bulwarks op posite to where the crew was watch ing the approach of the yawl. He ran to the hatchway aud dropped into it. A moment later he had slipped into an aperture and was safe from discovery. Seeing no one in the hold, he crept out of his retreat, and soon found a much more secure hiding place. it was tedious work lying there do ing nothing, and he soon fell asleep. A crash directly overhead awoke him with a btart, and he could see in the II tn light that a heavy bale of cotton r' ST 17. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 10, 1898. WALK ALONE. I know the torturer's tonguo In spiteful rage has racked thee, and hat wruDg Tho blood of suffering from the heart which stung Presumption with defiance, yet tliescur Will but atturt bow Urni thy virtues are. Be cheered, if I may cheer, For thou, the dourest, shalt be doubly dear; World-wounded spirit, make thy haven here. Deep as the love thou wnkenest in my breast bhall be my rapturo and thy perfect reit. Woman's Home Companion. OF PEPPER had been placed direotly over his hid ing place. They can t find me now, ho said exultantly to himself. "I am safe now safer than need be, per haps," and the story of a stowaway who had found himself imprisoned under the cargo of a vessel and lived on a box of sea biscuit for over week came into his mind. "If that fellow dug his way through the cargo of a steamship iu a week, I ought to be able to get through a bale qf cot ton in a' day. My, but I'm thirsty! I'm mighty glad that I'vo got some of this root beer left." There was not much of this just enough to quench his thirst for the time being, and in the darkness of the hold he had un knowingly drained the last drop from the boule. After a time he could feel the long swell of the oceau, and he knew that he was, fairly out to sea. "Time to get to work," he thought, aud, taking out his knife, he cut the bagging that enclosed the bale over his head. With knife and fingers he tore out a big pile of cotton that soon filled the small place where he lay, but the tightly compressed balehardly showed that it had lost anything. "I ve got to tuck this stuff away some where, or I won't have room to work in," he thought. Just at this moment his knifestruck a piece of wood iu the bale. "The cheats," he said to him self; "they'ro tryiug to sell old boards for cotton." It took some time to cut through tho board, but after he had made a small aperture he was stir prised to find a number of small ob jects tumbling over him. He exum ined them closely. "Cartridges!" he exclaimed, - in amazemeut, "and iu a bale of cotton. Now I know why they loaded up at night, ami why they were so anxious to keep people away. These cartridges are for the Cubitus, and this is au ex peditiou to supply arms to them the same as the Virginius did years ago." George had studied iu history how that unfortunate vessel had managed to slip by tho United States anthort ties, only to be captured on the high seas by a Spanish cruiser, aud nearly all the crew aud passengers executed. He dimly understood that something called "international law prohibited tho United States from allowing the export of arms and ammunition to the Cubans. He shuddered as he thought of what might happen if the Happy Thought were captured, and then his thirst, which was almost unendurable, made him think of the work ahead of him, aud he commenced enlarging the hole iu the bale. The cartridges were easily removed, and by hard work he soon managed to cut his way through the top of the bale, but discovered that other boxes had been placed above this, and he would have to cut his way through them. After resting for time he attacked these and soon had tho satisfaction of feeding his knife slip through the bottom boards of the box over his head. A fine powder foil over his head, and in au instant he had thrown himself on his face, yell ing like a Comanche. The box con tained red pepper. For a while he thought his eyes would be burned out of his head, but, realizing that some thing must be done to stop this fiery rain, he seized a bit of cotton and stuffed it into the hole his knife had made. That he could not get through the box of rod pepper was very evi dent. His only hope was to cut his way through the side of the bale of cotton and then work his way up to the surface. He now worked with a wild desperation, cutting at the side of the bale like a madman. On opening the adjoining box he found it to be filled with rifles These were soon thrown aside, aud he commenced to cut through the top of the box. - He had exhausted himself by his frantic exertions, aud, in spito of the paiu in his eyes and his burning thirst, he fell asleeip for a short time, He awoke slightly refreshed, bnt thirs tier than ever. "Now," he said, "I'll see what's overhead." Another box barred his way, and he cautiously cut into it, not wishing to go through an other experience with popper. Again a soft rain of powder fell over his hand, bnt he was prepared this time, and it was quickly stopped. It felt cool on his hand, and he tasted it to make sure he was right. "Flour," he gasped. "I'm all right this titno. Still, I might get smothered if I let it fall in here. I wish I had a piece of pipe so that I could lead it ont of the barrel. I wonder if a rifle barrel wouldn't do the work!" He soon put this plan into execution, and had tho satisfaction of finding that a small stream of flour was running steadily into the space behind him. By cut ting other holes and inserting the rifles for conduits he readily emptied the barrel. Half an hour later a dusty, red-eyed boy, with tongue too swollen to speak was lifted out of the hold and laid on the deck. A small cup of water was R EPUBLICAN. giveu to him, and then the captain or dered the.meu to put him to bed. He was taken below aud placed in a bunk, and by the next morning had recov ered both voice and strength. As soon as ho made his appearauce on elock tho mate told him to go down into the cabiu, as the captniu wished to see him. With many misgivings George wont below and found the cap tain accompauied by a small, dark man, who seemed to be extremely nervous so much so, in fact, that George thought that he, too, might be a stowaway. Still he looked as if he was quite able to pay his fare. "Well, young man," began the cap tain, "whut did you hide yoursolf on board this scooner for?" "I wanted to be a sailor,", was the prompt reply, and theu he described the manner in which he had come aboard, hidden himself iu the hold, and, finally, how he had dug his way through tho cargo. "Why did vou choose this vessel to ruu away m? said the small man, regardiug George with evident suspi cion. "Because I thought she was the finest ship iu the harbor." George thought he saw the captain's features relax a little at this reply, but the next question was delivered more sternly than the others. "What did you find iu the hold?" "Cartrietges and guns and red pep per and flour." "Put him iu irons! Put him in irons! He's a spy!" screamed the lit tle, dark man. "Mr. Meneudez," said the captain, impressively, "so long as I'm captain of this schooner, 1 caueriate to ue liver my own orders." Then, turning to the boy, said: "You've got a pret ty good idea of what kind of a trip you re takiu', 1 reckon - "Yes, sir; it's a filibustering expe: dition, I think." "Just so. An' you know what they do to filibusters when they catch em?" "Yes, sir; they shoot them." "Theu, if you don't want to get shot, all you've got to do is to hold your tongue on' 'tend to your own businot's, if we should happen to be boarded by any one. Now run upou deck an' tell Mr. Jones to put you to work." The mate kept George pretty busy at odd jobs, bnt as he was very anx ious to learn and was williug to try anythiug, he soon wou the favor of the cuptaiu aud mate. As for the sailors, they simply made a hero of him after his story became known. One of them even went so far as to present him with a small monkey that he had kept chained behind the oook's galley, and all his spare time was spent iu teaching the little fellow to perform. One morning, about three daye after he had made his appearance, Georgo came on deck aud found Mr. Menen ilez and the captain engaged in a very earnest conversation, frequently cast ing uneasy glances at a vessel that lay about a mile away. Just theu a puff of smoke shot out from Jier side, and a moment later the mullled report of a gun rolled over the water. "Shall we hold our course?" George heard Mr. Mendeuez anxiously inquire of the captain. "Yes." Theu another puff was seen, and a shot went skipping along across the water far iu front of the schooner. A short, savage order from the captain, aud the schooner was brought into the wind with all sails fluttering. "Are you sure we are safe if they take it into their heads to examine the cargo?" said Mr. Menendez. "Perfectly safe. Iu the first place, what would they examine the cargo of a coasting schooner for? No one ever heard of such a vessel doing any fili bustering. Iu the second place those man-o'-war's men are too tarually lazy to move the heavy bales we have on top of the ammunition." Iu spite of the captain's declaration, George could see a shade of auxiety pass over his face, as he watched a boat that had come alongside. The officer in the utern sheets clambered aboard and was coolly received by the captain, who, after a moment's con versation, showed his manifest. The offiger was evidently not satisfied, for, calling to his' men, he had them re move the battered dowu hatches. The captain threatened and protested, but the officer answered with au inso lent grin, and,- in company with all but two of his seamen, who were detailed to guard the hatches, commenced to overhaul the cargo. To George's dismay, they commenced at the identical spot where he hud made his exit. "If they find the guns aud cart ridges, they will confiscate the cargo and kill us all, perhaps, thought he. Theu, to make matters worse, oue of the sailors, finding that the flour bar rel could be easily moved, lifted it out and knocked the head in. The fact that it was empty was regarded with suspicion. The next thing that was picked up was the box of red pepper. The cover was pried off, and, seeing what the contents were, one of the men set it on the empty flour barrel pre paratory to jumping into the cleared space. "If that box of pepper would only upset," thought George, "thoy wouldn't want to know anything more about the cargo." Tho thought - gave him an idea. Untying the monkey from the mast, Georgo showed him a lump of sugar in his hand and then threw it Bwiftly into the hold. It was done so quickly that no one saw but the monkey, who, not recognizing the authority of the guards at the hatchway, sprang into the hold, aud, finding every other way barred to his coveted sugar, leaped full on to the box of pepper in its insecuro position on the flour bar rel. The barrel rocked, poised it self for one anxious moment and the pepper fell, only to rise again in one great cloud that enveloped everything iu the hold. From out ov this red cloud arose a fearful uproar. Yells of rage aud screams of pain, minsled with the shrieks of the mon key, who was biting and scratching all who came within his reach, added to the pandemonium. Presently a a man climbed out of the hold, stag gered to the bulwarks and leaped into the sea. He was followed by another, and another, until, last oi an, came the officer and the monkey. The two seamen who had not gone into the hold regained their senses in time to rescue those of their mates who could not swim, and recover the remaindei who were swimming blindly about. The schooner's crew thoroughly en joyed the predicament these poor fel lows were in, and hooted and jeered at them as they vainly endeavored to rub the smarting substance out ol their eyes. "Come alongside," commanded the captain. "I'll give you something that will help you," and ordering the men to lie down, he bathed their eyet with oil until they were relieved. Jusl as he was finishing his task anothei boat dashed up full of armed men. The trouble had been seen by the officers of tho warship, and, apprehend ing serious trouble, they had manned a boat aud come to their comrade'i rescue. The officers and men leaped aboard and demanded the reason foi the trouble. For answer the captaii pointed grimly to tho hatches, out ol which the rod pepper was still rising "They upset a box of red pepper that's all," said he. The oilioer who had commanded the first boat began talking rapidly in Spanish to the newcomer. As he talked the face of the other was grad ually overspread with a grin that ended in a derisive laugu. xue capiaiii, who was watching the speakers close ly, remarked, dryly: "The officer wasn't satisfied with our manifest, and he has been looking over the cargo. Perhaps you would like to complete his task." "No, thank you," said the other; still laughing. "I will let the lieuten ant do that," and, ordering his men into the boat, he was rowed swiftlj baok to the cruiser. The "lieutenant," however, wat more than satisfied, and hastened tc follow the example set by his superioi officer. As his half-blinded met rowed away, the captain called out tc them: "I say, Lieutenant, there are thirty five more cases of pepper in the hold that I'd be pleased to have you ex amine." It was quite evident, however, thai it was not the lieutenant's pleasure. As the schooner's sails filled and she wore away the mate came up tc George and asked: "How did the monkey happen to jump down in the hold, George?" "I threw a lump of sugar down there. I thought perhaps he mighl upset the pepper or frighten the men so. that it would get knocked ovei some way. Hello! there he is up h the cross-trees." Mr. Menendet shook hands with him with a pleas auter expression ou his face thai George thought it possible for him tc wear. He was very much embar rassed at all this demonstration, bu the proudest moment of all was whei the captain took him by the baud aud said, in his gruff Yankee way: "You .done well, Georgo, an' reckon wo can find a berth aboard thii schooner for you. Twonld be I shame to make a surveyor out ol you." And this was a great deal for the captain to say. Next night the cargo of the Happj Thought was successfully landed, and George was presented with a hand some gold watch and chain by Mr Meneudezi who proved to be an agent of the Cuban Junta. But George put a higher value upoi the captain's few words of praise. New York Ledger. Our Flat- at Cavlte. Ohio claims tho honor of being the birthplace of the first American t hoist a flag over a captured fort in thi Old World. On Tuesday, May 3, Lieutenant Williams landed with his command o: marines from the Bultiniore and postec sentries around the captured navy yard, which was the first act of pos session. At four p. m. he hoisted tht first American flag over Cavite. Ser geaut James Grant aud Corpora Joseph Poe hauled tho flag up. O: this glorious event for all Amcrice our young lieutenant modestly bu' tenderly writes: "As I stood in front of my little guard of marines and watched tht colors fly out to the breozo from tht same staff that a few days before hac borne the flng of Spain, now humblec by our little fleet, my feelings were o: wonder how it had all happened, and of pride thut I was the one to hoisi the first flag. It was the happiest moment of my life, and I couldu'i keep the tears bnck." And neithei could the friends who got this message from tho other sido of tho world. Cincinnati Commercial Tribune. Nowapapera In the Itrltl.h Mii.clim. In the British Museum there are 10,000 volumes of London newspa pers. There are 47,000 volumes ot provincial newspapers from England aud Wales, and about 0000 volumes ol Scotch uewspnpers, with sutucthiuc, slightly lesB for Ireland. Last year'e accessions were GOO volumes of Lou dou newspapers, 920 volumes of pro piucial papers from England and Wales, 127 volumes from Scotland, and something less from Ireland. No Servant l'rolilein Here. A servant girl on a farm near Cam brai, iu Northern France, has lived seventy-two years with the same fam ily. She is now eighty-four years old, and still attends to her work. $1.00 PER ANNUM. TILE MEKRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS, j Wlnriom So Near. Yet So Far Must Have Practice Hut Not Included llonr.ty Kewartleil Her Way Not III Way Up to the Mark Ilia Method, Etc., Etc. When Willie in the reglmeut Went out to meet the foe, Ills sweetheart stood, with face Inteut And pale, to sco lilm go. Though sank hor heart within bur breast, Hhe did not dure to cry; She'd heard In wartime It was best To keep your powder dry. Indianapolis Journal. So Near, Yet So Far. Professor "Name the two parts of the brain." Pupil "I've got 'em in my head, but I can't just think of 'em." Must Have Practice. "Jimmy, you must not talk when older people are talking." "Well, I s'pose you want me to grow up dumb." Chicago ltecord. Her War Not His Way. Wife (enthusiastically) "How much do you think we took in at the bazaar?" Husband (quietly). "How many, do you mean." But Not Included. "Have you ever attended a conver sazione?" "Yes: the dry goods clerks have them while I am tryiug to get waited on." Cleveland Leader. The Proper Authority. "My husband insists upon riding a hobby," announced the anxious wife to the cross-grained family physician. "What can we do about it?" "Better consult a horse doctor." Detroit Free Press. What She Was. Mrs. Hunt "You surprise met I didn't know that Miss Flash wai a college graduate." Mrs. Blunt "You didn't? Why, she's one of the aluminum of Vassar College." Richmond Dispatch. Honesty Itewarded. She "I inado that cake all myself, dearie?" He "Come to my arms, my uoblo girl! I would rather cat a hundred cakes like that thau have yuu tell au untruth. " Indianapolis Journal. Ills Method. Lady Visitor in Camp "And how did you win your shoulder straps, colonel?" Handsome Officer "By exercising wise judgment and cool daring in picking out my father." Cleveland Leader. That Hoy. "I hate to bother you, Pa," said the small boy home fur tho holidays, "but really I'd liko to know " "Well, what?" "How is it that baby fish ilon't got drowned before they've learned to swim?" I'pto tho Mark. Bramble "So that's your sou? Well, he looks as if he might do you credit, some day." Fowler "He's doing my credit now doing it to the Queen's tasto every time he drops into any place where they know mo. Chicago News. Self Valuation. "It must take a great deal of egotism to make men talk about themselves as they do," remarked Miss Cayenne. "Sometimos it's a sort of modesty," replied Willie Wishington. "They realize tho danger of being overlooked unless they make a great deal of noise." Washington Star. Morltld. Watts "It scemsto me that Briggs carries his patriotism to too fine a point." Potts "Briggs? What is the mat ter with him?" "Ho says that his voice is too bad for him to insult any national airs by trying to sing them." Indianapolis Journal. A Phlegmatic Suitor. Thilander Gordon (of Boston) "Whom shall I ask for your hand, darling?" Amelia Pigiron (of the West) "Me paw." P. O. "Oh, well, you can call it your paw if you wish, but I .still think that hand is the hotter word." Pitts burg Chronicle-Telegraph. Suspicion. "I really bolieve," said Mr. Meek ton, "that I would like to be a chef.". His wife dropped hcrknifeand fork and frowned. "Leonidas," she cxclaimod.severely, "I believe you have beon reading some of those Billy paragraphs about the way cooks browbeat the woman of the house." Washington Star. In After Hays. "Did you ever," askod the young husband, "have your wife look you in tho eyes when you came home aud ask you if you had not forgotten some thing?" "Many a time, mo boy," answered the old married man. "She docs yet. In the eurly days it used to mean a kiss; now it is usually a reference to wiping my shoes." Boston Traveler. Front IlilTerrnt Points of View. Bess "Oh, dear! I suppose I'm iu for another mouth of bud luck." Nell "Why, Bess, what makes you think so?" Boss "I saw tho new moon over my left shoulder last night." Nell "That'B too bad. Now I had the good luck to see it over Jack's right shoulder, aud, say, isn't my en gagement riug a beauty?" Chicago News. ' . . RATES OF ADVERTISING! One Squnre, one Inoh, on itwertiou . , I 1 00 One .-qmre, one inch, oo tiontti. ., IU) One Rquare, one Inch, three nrinths, . 5 00 One i-quare, one inch, one year...., 10 OJ I wo Squirw, one ye-ir. ... .......... buM Quarter Column, one year. ...... 5) M half Column, one year 50UU Oue Column, one year , . llW UO Leeal advertisements ten cent per line recti insertion. Marriage! and deitb notices gratis. All bills ;ory-ar.y advertise n-nu cl'ected quarterly Temp .riry adveruacineuu niuat be paid in advanca, Job work cash on rtel!ver. BALLAD OF THE PHILIPPINES. Sweet Laura now the cypress twines And fur her heart must roam. For rhlllp's in the Philippines, And rhllip pines tor Home. A lovely maiden all forlorn. No toy her sorrow clieclts; Each night she sighs till Dewey morn Hhlnes on the Dewey necks. And Philip sighs from dark to dawn, v Ity sad misfortune schooled; Anil writes eight saffron pages on Manila wrapping (ruled). "Come back," she cries, "where love re clines Far o'er the ocean's foam!" And Philip's in the Philippines, And Philip pines for home! HUMOR OF THE DAY. When a man gets up iu the morn ing, he grumbles if breakfast is not ready; but if he goes fishing, he can wait all day for a bite. "The bed of this river is perfectly dry, isn't it?" "Of course; you see it's so hot it can't bear even a sheet of water." Richmond Dispatch. She "Don't you think it is danger ous to eat mushrooms?" He "Not a bit of danger in it. The danger is in eating toadstools." Chicago News. "Sometimes some of the fair sex ad mits that she is a new woman." "Was there one ever found who ad mitted that she was au old one?" Princeton Tiger. He "If you will marry me I will make it my duty to anticipate your -every wish." She "But are you sure that your anticipations would be real ized?" Brooklyn Life. An editor wrote at considerable length upon "The Future of Hog Raising," and a rival editor advised him not to be so anxious regarding his descendants. Tid-Bits. "Paw, can you see farther with a telescope than with the naked eye?" "Of course you can, Johnny." "How can that be, when it brings every thing nearer?" Chicago Tribune. Tommy "Paw, what is 'woman's intuition?'" Mr. Figg "It is that quality of her mind which enables her to say, 'Well, I don't care; it ought to be so, anyhow.'" Indianapolis Jour nal. "Johnny, I see yon have taken more cake thau I said you might have." "Yes, mother. I mado bo lieve that there was auother little boy spending the day with me." Tid BitB. Permanent Position. Farren "How are you makiug it, old fellow?" Kooler "First rate. I have the promise of a ten-year job. I'm to help got out the next census." Chi cago Tribune. "Call a messenger boy, quick!" shouted the hustling business man. "No, sir!" replied the conscientious office boy. "I must decline to do it, for I have never told a lie." Phila delphia Record. "What is your idea of a clever woman a woman who can see the'' point of a joke?" "No; my idea of a clevor woman is ouo who can laugh at a joko without seeing the point." Chicago Record. Mrs. Peck "Yes, I was tongue tied when I was a child, and had to undergo an operation iu order to be cured." Mr. Peck (sotto voice) "Gee, I wish I could meet the doctor that did it!" Chicago News. Sunday-school Teocher "What is the lossou we are to draw from this war with Spain?" Littlo Willie Wicklemeyer "They aiu't uo lesson in it fer us. We'ro teachiu' Spoia a lesson. Cloveland Leader. Tho Snake Charmer "The armless wondor was robbed ou his way home last night. " The Sword Swallower "Of what, pray?" The Snake Charmer "Of his reputation, I guess. The robbers made him hold up his hands." "Puffins answered an advertise ment in which somebody offered to sell him the secret for preventing trousers from gutting fringes around the bottom. "What did thoy tell him?" "To weur knickerbockers." Tit-Bits. The Owner (iudigunntly) "Bless my soul! They elon't smash trunks liko that iu England, doucherkuowl" The "Porter (coinplucently) "Don't they, sir? We can give 'era points about doiu' lots of thiugs, can't we, sir?" Puck. Bobby "Pop, docs 'missive' meau a letter?" Fond Parent "Yes, Bob by." Bobby "Aud does 'sub' meau under?" Fond Paront "Right, Bob by." Bobby "Then 'submissive' must mean a postscript, mustn't it?" Harlem Life. Clergyman "My child, beware of picking a toadstool instead of a mush room. They are easy to confuse." Child "That bo ull roight, stir, that be! Us hain't a-goiu' to eat 'em our selves they're a-goiu' to market to be sold. "-Tit-Bits. "I'm very careful not to let my little Ann Augusta know nutbiug about the present conflict." "Are you afraid ef its effect upon your norves?V "No. But the time may como when she will find it to her advantage not to reniem hor the war." Clcvclaud l'laiu Dealor. Bobby "Mother, how old shall I have to be before I can be a Spanish pirate a-taking captives aud a scuttling ships?" Mother "Yuu can begiu right away. Just take that scuttle and Bail downstairs and pirate some coals from the first llaor's bin!" Ally Sloper. An angry small boy was pcltiug stones ut a noisy dog, when a venera ble passerby stopped aud addressed him. "Little boy," the stranger re monstrated, "don't you know you should be kind to dumb ntiitualM?' "Yes," replied the angry boy, "but what's dumb animals got to do wi' yelping dogs?" Clevehmd r.a'-i Dealer. I
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers