T Forest Republican In publNhou every Wmln - if, bj Office in Smearbauph & Co.' Building ELM 8TnitK T, TTONEHTA, TA. Termii Bi.uii ler Yoar, Ko subscriptions reoo.veJ for a shorter period, than tareofnaMii. . . , .. Correspondeo.-asoll.-iioVfron all part, of th country. No no;io will bo taken ol nony fife.ii. ooiuimiDia.it mm. RATES OF ADVERTISING! Forest Republican. One Squ.re, one Ineh, cia inrrtl n. .1 1 00 On. .-(pure, on. ii"h, nn cionth .. 8 ' Una Square, on. inch, t:u- m inths. . One r-qunre, one inch, ono yea,..... 10 fM 'I wo riqirire-, one yeir . l. il Quarter Column, ons ye.tr a im half Column, one yetr , finoU Un. Column, one year no Ieil aiverlist-iuut9 tt'ii cenU per lin. each insertion. Marriages an I ileith notiens grntls. All bills lory.-nriy adverUv.n int. c-d'eeted quarterly Temporary ailverlisciuf uU mini be paid in advaiiu Job work ca-s'a tin -Ic-l V"r?. VOL. XXX. NO. 39. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY. JAN. 12, 1898. S1.00 PER ANNUM The. whaling industry, which is do 'dining fast enough naturally, has re ' ceived another hard Mow by the many fatalities which have happened to the whips of the fleet this year in Arctio waters. -.1 . . - 1 Li In the old colonial times thcro were only seventy-five postoffices in America. Ten years later there were 000 offices; in 1880, 42,000; in 1883, 67,000, and to-day about seventy thousand have regular postmasters, receive and deliver mail matter and employ 2,000,000 employes, men and women. One. thing which both surprises and exasperates the British troops who are operating in India ia the discovery that the hostile tribesmen are thor oughly armed with modern rifles of ; English maitufacturo. It appears that the English gunmakers are so eager for business that they have been ready tp supply arms to the eneinios of their iwn Government. Dr. Edward Everett Halo is having a rather unpleasant time of it these days owing to a ridiculous report Bent cvut from Boston to the effect that he advocated tho study of the Indian language, in the schools. The doctor writes that all he askod of the public school was that New England boys should "know tho meaning of the words Massachusetts, Connecticut, Bbawmut.Winuisiiuet and other words which eome into their local life as one ought to know why the Tnileries were so called if ho lived in Paris." Tho doctor also denies that ho repeated tho Lord's, prayer in Indiau. Ho used the two first words of the prayer to il lustrate the formation of Indiau words, and adds: "In fact, the two first words of" it are all that I know, ex cept the amen at tho end." By the time Dr. Halo's little talk had filtered through several sources until it reached the newspapers it had becomo a lecture in which the most extraordi nary position was taken, which sur prised his admirers everywhere. Contrary to the popular opinio one wonld make money by backing labor all tho year around, maintains tho New York Press. The following Dgirres, furnished by the Board of Trade of England, give pro f of this They relate to the year ending August 31, aud may, therefore, be trusted to show the actual and present relations of tho two great parties. Duriug the twelve months a total of 850 disputes were settled. Iu 858 the men carried ihe day; in 2G3 the masters wcro vic torious, aud in 194 the men were par tially successful, which means that some sort of compromise was arranged, while thirty-three disputes are classed as indefinite. Of tho tot.il of 821,803 men whoso wages were iuoreosed or diminished, only 55,20'J had embarked on actual strikes, while in ths easo of 760,500 the chauge arose from the automatic working of sliding scales, together with negotiation, tho action of conciliation boards and the volun tary couoessiou of employer.. Put ting it in the form of a percentage, wo have in the case of each 100 workers 85) receiving nv advanoa and 14 suf fering a decrease. The Boston Herald observes: "The law that ha been passed in Switzer land rendering compulsory iusnr.v.ico against illness oil tho part of all tho citizens of the republio who cannot show that they hove reserved uica-js of support iu case of physical or men tal disability is only a symptom of the tendency all over the world toward seouriug social well-being by meaus of legal enactments. As the State is called upon iu the last resort to care for those who are both physically and financially incapable of supporting themselves, the State has the right to demand that those who may at any time become bur Jens upou the public shall iu the days of their strength, health, and activity Bupply themselves with the means of meeting the ills of life. It is presumable that the State itself might undertake to carry on au insutanoe business of this kind and exact its premiums iu the form of a tax. It could doubtless do tho busi ness on a large scale at a much lower cost thau if the same service was per formed b one or more corporations. Another form of insurance of the social kind is that provided for iu New Zea land, this coining out of the annual taxes. Under the New Zealand sys tem every one over sixty-five years of age who has lived twenty years in the couutry is entitled to draw a pension. The maximum auiouut is fixed at 2.50 a week, und the minimum amount at $1.25. This is not a large sum, but on au average paymout of, say, $100 a year, there are a great inuuy poor men and poor women of over sixty-five years of age who would find life much easier as the result of this ofticiul con tribution. " DIDE YOUR Wh.n fortune treats you slightingly And everything got- wrong. Itemembcr that you still are freo To Inlmr ami lie strong. To him who bravely does bis part. Misfortune Ik no crime; Just bold your grip nnd keep up licnrt Aud lonrn to tilde your time. The surest road to greatness lips Tbrough bsrd and patient work. The glorious name thnt never dies Coinos not unto tho shirk. Fnme sits upon an emlneuco, A plnnaelo sublime; lie who would win must seek lierthcnco, Btrlvo on nud bldo his time. 1 A Story of Great South Bay. k APTAIN LEVI Skullcarp sat on the gunwale of the Miriam, leaning forward so that his elbows rested on his knees. With both hands he grasped the' short Btem of his cherry pipe and his oue eye gazed seaward across the smoking bowl. The tiller creaked idly to and fro and the sail flapped listlessly in the light breeze, that scarcely milled tho surface of the bay. 'Te know that young Mr. Archer that's day in' at the hotel?" The Captain shifted his one eye inquir ingly iu my direction. I raised my hand iu warning and whispered: "Hah!" The Captain acceded to my request iu silence, and a moment later another 11 no fish joined its fellows that were flopping about a box iu the cockpit. A faint splash and the treacherous bait was scurrying away in search of new victims. "Now, Captain, what were you re maiking?" I asked, glancing up from the water. "I was about to remark that it was right off here that mean' that senty meutal Mr. Archer was one day last week wheu ho says to me. 'Cap'n,' he says, Mo you s'pose a man could com mit soocide here?' He was lookin' mighty ineltiaicholy au' " "Do you mean the quiet young man with a black beard, who has the second table from mine at the hotel, Skull carp?" I interrupted. The Captain 'lowed that ho had never eaten at tho hotel aud conse quently could not locate Mr. Archer at his dinner, but he admitted that the sentimental young man did have a short, black beard, nsuolly car ried a pipe aud pouch of tobacco iu tho starboard pocket, and a few books and magazines in the one to port. Having completed the identification, I was not surprised at the suggestion of suicide, for my attention had been at tracted to Archer by his avoidauce of all companionship aud his distraught air. In fact, I had last seen him sit ting alone in a quiet nook on the hotel verandu, striking match after match in an attempt to light an empty pipe, and accompanying each failure with violent language, softly spokou. I mentioned this to Levi Skullcarp. "Soocide was the word he used," my skipper said when he had stoked his pipe, as he called the operation, for the Captain was fond of using what he deemed nautical expressions, though he had never ventured to poke his nose ten miles off shore. It was a failing of Levi to talk a great deal about the deep sea, and at times he even dropped mysterious hints that he had circled the globe as commander of a trim-clipper, though in common with the other Great South Bay cap tains he derived his title from the ownership of a small catboat and the six aluminum buttons that adorned Lis patched coat. " 'You might oommit soocide here, Mr. Archer,' I soys," continued he, " 'providin' you dove over head first an' then doubled up, or else walked two miles out t' the channel.' "He looks at me kind o' solemn, then sighed and went on crabbiu'. The day was jist like this here, only there was a dead ca'in, on' over yau der toward Fire Islun' the clouds was begiuuiu' to rise. I mention Ithem clouds because I was a-hopin' they'd bring! a breeze with 'em, for I was tired floppiu' 'round in the sun while he lay there on the gunwale, some times readiu', sometimes crabbin', an' most o' the time jist watchin' the water. That kind o' thing's all right fer a mau that never done uothiu' au' don't have to, but fer a feller like me ess has beeu used to sailin' thoo life in a twenty-knot breeze, topsails up, an' very inch of canvas set, studdiusails included, to have t' flop 'roun' in two feet of water like a steam dredge, with tho sun blisterin' me paiut why, sir, it's hard to bear." Levi was shaking his pipe vigorous ly, aud I deemed it wise to assuage his auger by exclaiming with au ominous wag of tue head: "Oh, you old Jbar nuclei" This had a soothing effect on the Captain, for in a milder tone he con tinued: "We'd been that way 'bout four hour wheu I seen another boat edgiu' down our way. Her suit was hangiu' like clothes on a line, but she was a leetle furder out au' caught the tide. A man was sittiu' iu the stern au 'a lady on -the gunwale. Mr. ill TIME. Th" man of hope and energy. Who keeps one goal In slgut. Who goes his way with constanc;-. Will some time win Mm light. Tho man whose life a glory bondj To every age and clime., Is he whose purpose never bends, Who works and bids his time. Oo onward. O'er the future's hills, Tho dawn fnils pool and sweet. Oo onward. He can win who will:) And bows not to defeat. Oo onward, though your path may Hi Through calumny and slime. The way will brighten byo nnd bye; Ho on and bldo your time. And when the fight at last Is o'er, The toll at last Is done; When stauding on Use's farther shore, Menenth her setting sun; Beyond tho future's unbnrred gato, The bells of heaven chime; And justice, love nnd glory wait Fur him who bides bis time. J. A. Edgerton, in Atlanta Constitution. Archer he soen 'em, too, an' watched fer a long time. Then he turns to me an' says, 'Cap'n, the glows.' "That's just what he colled it, the glaws. " 'A trim little craft, Cap'n,' says he. To do 'im credit he knows a good boat. " 'I don't like tho lines o' her body, sir,' I wenturoB. "At that he kiud o'- smiles an' says: 'I means the lady.' "He was right, there, too, fer a trim enough craft she looked, with her white duck suit an' sailor hat, though I couldn't sec her faee. I was just giltin' me eye fixed on that part o' her hnll wheu Mr. Archer jumps up, mn for'a'd to the mast an' stood thero like he was sightin' land after a month adrift on a raft. " 'Cup'n, kin you run a leetlo nearer that oraft? I know her,' ho calls. "'In this win'?' I asks. " 'Pole,' he yells. " 'I oould polo,' I says, 'hod I a pole, but I hoin t. "He give a long groaud an' set down on top o the cabin yander an kep' pippin his eye throo tho glass at the other boat that was footiu' around 'bout a mile off our bow. "By an' by, he says, 'Cap'n, there's a breeze comm . " 'I've beeu watchin' it, sir,' says I, an' I tips with mo anchor an' sail. "It caught the other feller first, an' of o sudden her canvas tilled au' she begiu to cut throo the water on a beat up the bay. I hnd the tiller ready, an' it warn't a minute till we was uiovin , too. It was slow at first, but we soon had to reef, an' went tenrin throo the water to beat a steam la'ueh. The clouds had brought a reg'lur hurricane au' was piliu' up aloft an' roarin' full o' thunder. You otter 'a' Been Mr. Archer then. He tkep' ruunin' from bow to stern an' back, forever oskiu whether I thought we was gaiuin . Now, I m proud o this here Miriam o' mine. I'll back her agiu anything on the bay but that there strange boat. Why, that craft supped throo the water like she was llleil, We kep np pretty well, though, an might o caught her if the rain hadu t come an us lost sight o em. I wanted to put back, but Mr. Archer he wouldn't have it, an' kep runnin' up an' donw, pipin' his eyes this way an' that way au' usiu' bad language till it come dark an' the storm had passed. Theu he th'owed himself down in the cockpit an' lit his pipe au says, 'Home, Cap n! That was all jist 'Home, Cap n.' I had thrown aside my lines, for Levi Skullcarp's account of the senti mental man bad awakened my interest, and when be had finished his recital I had turned my back on the water, my feet were dangling in the cockpit and my eyes were fixed on the bayinau. "Didn't be explain why he was so anxious to see her?" I asked after a silence of some minutes. In reply the Captain clambered iato the cockpit 'and, bracing himself agaiuat the end of the tiller, fixed the long glass to his eye. I followed his gaze to where it rested on a small white Bail that was moving aross the bay about a mile away. "I'll be blowed!" he cried. There was a pause and then he muttered, "Small jib, white duck dress, spooney bow, white hnll, black hair I'm blowed! This exclamation was acoompaniod by a loud rattle as lie closed the glass. "Itit to win ard, quick! lie yelled. The boom swuug around, allowing me just time to dodge it, and before I had fully recovered from my surprise we were moving through the water under the fast freshening breeze. "Where are you going, Captain?" I asked in a tone of remonstrance. He gave the sheet a few turns about a cleat, tucked the tiller comfortably under oue leg, filled and lighted his pipe, aud when the smoke was rising in great volume from tho bowl and trailing astern iu clouds that must have uiude our boat at a distance pre sent the appearance of a small steam ship, he exclaimed again: "I'll be blowed! Then I arose in my wrath and, sup porting myself by grasping the center board and facing the obdurate mariner, cried: "See here, Captain, I was un del' the impression I had hired this craft, aud "I m goiu fer Mr. Archer; yan's her," he said iu a firm, solemu tone that brooked no trifling and forced me to submission. Hardly had the Miriam touched the dock wheu Levi Skullcarp was ashore and after giving me a hurried admo nition to be all ready to push off on his I return, he clambered into a rickety vehicle and soon disappeared in a cloud of dust. For some ten minutes I struggled with the rising wind and sea that kept incessantly pounding the boat against the dock. At longth I was relieved to spy a cloud of dust rolling down the level stretch of road that led from the village. Preceding it was a man on a bicycle. It was Archer. He reached the dock, sprang from bis wheel and tossed it against a post, jumped into .the Miriam, and without a word to me pushed her away, seized the tiller and the sheet, and off we scudded. "The Captain!" I cried, pointing at the approaching cloud, iu the centre of which I knew the redoubtable mar- iuer to be. "Ploglte on the Captain," growled Archer. Then he added, more Boftly: ''Get tp windward, please. "But there he is now, I expostu lated: Archer looked around. Standiug on tho striugpiece of the wharf, vio lently waving one baud above his head, while with tho other he pointed sea ward, was Levi Skullcarp. The sen timental man at the catboat's helm waved a band to imply that he saw the speck of a sail to which he was point ing, and turned to the business of navigation. Away we went in pur suit. Wheu the Miriam hod at length set tled down to work and was with clock like regularity slickiug her nose into tho solid green waves, and then saucily throwing it up in the air agaiu and sending the water skirting along the rail or Hying over mo, my new com panion broke tho silence by appearing for the first timo to recognize tnat l was human. m 'Mister-r-r?" "Kemp," I omiwered, bowing stiff- 'y- . .. "My name is Archer." "I think I have seen you about the hotel." This must seem a strange proceed ing to you," ho Boid, laughing. Evi dently'tho peculiarity had just dawned on bim. "Bather," I replied, thawing just enough to smile. "And perhaps an explanation is due," said he. "Not as long as you can sail, I an swered. On that score I confess I felt no un easiness, for I soon saw that, sturdy fellow that he was, Archer was fully competent to handle the boat, for all the power there was in the breeze he got out of it, aud though time and again the Miriam keeled over till her lee rail was well awash and my heart was in my mouth, she always swuug back again without swerving an inch from her course. "There is a girl hi that boat that I am most anxious to see, Mr. Kemp," said Archer, after a pause. "So I should judge, said I.( "I have spent neorly all my life in London," he went on. "I should be there now had I not met her. She sailed for home about two months ago and ostensibly by accident but really by intention I came over on the same steamahip. By the fourth day out from Queenstown wep had fixed every thing up nicely. Theu 1 happened to remember another engagement sort of a marriage of convenience and like a fool I told her. She shut her self up in her stateroom for the rest of the voyage and cut me dead at the pier. I humbly followed her to her home in San Francisco. She fled back East. All trace of her was lost and I came down here to sulk." "Do you think we'll catch 'em?" I asked with suddenly awakened inter est. "Thank you," he replied. This sim ple acknowledgement of his gratitude for my own evident sympathy in bis venture won me completely and I scrambled to the mast with a reckless ness that surprised me, that I might get the bearings of the craft we were chasing. "How far off do you make them?" he called to me. "About two miles." "They are beating along the bay," he cried, "aud I think if we hold this course we'll just cross their bow. The man's judgment was superb, for fifteen minutes later we were so close to the other bout that I could seeits two occupants plainly. One was a man, a regulation small-boat man, at tired iu a combination of golf and yachting clothes. The second was girl. I felt that were she as interest ing as she appeared as she sat there on the windward rail, fearless of dan ger, her face aglow with the excite ment of what she evidently realized was a race. Archer was excusable for forgetting his other engagement. I was meditating ou this when my com pauion, who had been hidden from nor view by the rail, exclaimed: "Jove!" "We're all right," said I. "We'll catch them and you con go ou board." "That's just it," ho growled. "I can't go ou board. Why, she would cut me dead or toss me over." As he was best posted as to the young woman's character, silence on my part seemed befitting. He did not speak again until we nud drawn witu iu hailing distance of the other boat, when he motioned me to him. "We'll run right across their bow," he whispered. "Don't you mind me, I can see bottom here. Keep right on aud they will have to take me in. Now, look out!" We swept across the bow of the other craft, aud by u seemingly clumsy uiauumvre went about; the boom swung around aud an instant later Archer was floundering in the bay. I grasped the tiller and the Milium scudded away before the wind. Poor sailor as I am, had necessity demand ed it I doubt if I could have navigated the boat back to where Archer was flopping about in the water, so it was au easy uiatter for me to obey his in junctions aud sail away oblivious to his cries, which mingled with those of the girl in the tiny sloop. Only twice did I look back. The first time was to see my erstwhile companion being dragged by main force mto tho other boat ; the second to see two men and a girl gesticulating wildly to me to re turn. But I smiled grimly nud point ed the Miriam toward home. On the next day I returned to town, and I heard no more of the sentimen tal man util late in November. I was walking np Thirty-ninth ttreet oue ofternoou ou my way home from the office when my attention was at tracted to a well-appointed brougham that swerved into the curb close by me. I heard a voice call, "Kemp!" It was Archer, and as I took his out stretched baud he turned to the pretty young woman who had just emerged from the carriage and said: "Kemp, my wife." New York Sun. WISE WORDS. Fools rush iu where angels fear to tread. Pope. Not education, but character, is man's greatest safeguard. Spencer. God has never ceased to bo the one true aim of all right human aspira tions. Vinet. Early to bed and early to rise. makes a man healthy, wealthy aud wise. Franklin. Fire aud sword are bIow engines of destruction in comparison with tho babbler. Steele. Blessiugs ever wait on virtuous deeds, and though a late, a sure re ward succeeds. Congreve. If you wish to be held iu esteem, you must associate only with those who are estimable. IJrnyere. One of the God-like things of this world is the veneration done to human worth by llie hearts of men. Carlyle. There is no dispute managed with out a passion, andyct there is scarce a dispute worth a passion. Sherlock. Tho shortest and surest way to live with honor in tho world is to be in reality what we would appear to be. Socrates. This is the law of benefits between men the one ought to forget at once what he has given, and the other ought never to forget what he has re ceived. Seneca. Wonder, at Weddings. Wonder if it is going to be a flue day. Wonder if I con manage to put in one more quiet smoke after breakfast. Wonder if the best man will miss his train, get married to the bride or mixed up with the bridesmaids, oner me a cignrette instead of the ring at the critical moment, put my hat in the pulpit or some other inappropriate place, or what he will be np to. Wonder why I've got such a tremend ous appetite at lunch.' I've beeu eating for three-quarters of an hour, and am still hungry. Wonder how much longer it will bo before her father turns up with her. I've been acting as general pew-opener to the congregation for the lost half hour. Wonder if my old serge suit is really too shabby to go away in. Wonder if we, and the blood rela tions, and the company generally, will part frionds after being dragged into the wedding group to be photo graphed. Wonder if I've forgotten to invite any of my third-cousins-twioe-removed, and how many people will scratch at the last moment. Wonder if I have got everything packed. Wonder if all the luggage has gone on first. Wonder if we shall catch the train Cincinnati Enquirer. A leer-IIunt In Town. An exciting scene took place in Thorpe, Wis., recently. A. O. llhca noticed about noon a splendid largo deer in his pasture, near the high school. He went to his house, pro cured his gun, and sent n charge of shot into the buck. The deer jumped the fence and ran into the main street. It bad been so long since a deer has been seen roumiug about the town that the people were so tf.ken by surprise that they forgot all about guns and stood gazing at the splendid animal as it ran and turned north ut the Forest Queen house corner, crossed the rail road track into a mill-yard, where Charles Case happened to be practis ing ut a mark with a rifle. At the third shot Mr. Case succeeded in hit ting the doer and killing it. It weighed when dressed 225pouuds. Milwaukee Sentinel. Cut Fond of Hunting. Dr. II. B. Bee, of Milford, Penn., has a cat that has a munia for hunting. This fact was not kuowu until a few days ago, when the doctor's sou, How ard, went out upon a hunting expedi tion iu the woods near their farm house. Wheu ho started in the luoruing tho cat followed, and try as ho might he could not send it back. Howard had not proceeded far iu the woods before the cut ' .lushed" a woodcock. The hunter said it was a beautiful "point," more graceful thuu that Hindu by fio most accomplished bird dog. Several other birds were ".lushed" by the feliue 'pointer, and Howard returned with two woodcock and a partridge New York Press. Aliluiul Wur.liip. Swino wore adored iu Crete, weas els at Thebes, rats and inii-e iu Trous, porcupines iu Persia, tho lapwing iu New Zealand, bulls iu Beiiaros, ser pents in Greece and many of tho Af rican countries. The Hindoos never molest snakes; they call Ilium fathers, brothers, friends and other endearing names. Ou the coast of Guinea a hog happening to kill a snake, the King gave orders that all the swiue should be destroyed. THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Til t'llrkrrfng Jt A Criterion Nnrn C'liangefl Kaslly Fxplnlneri Mny Have Meant That Flnt Life A Mayer Frnm Waybaek How Ho Loved Them i:to. (An old, old story.) Ons low, Hrave fair You know, Been there. Koft eyes, Old'theme Long sighs Sweet dream. YeBrs pass, Dream's o'er: Low gas Onee more. A yawn, Homo sighs-. con . O in 1 7.0 1 CloveianJ Leader. A Criterion. Juno "Is she very homely?" Jane "Well, she had to learn skat ing by herself." New York Journal. Never Changed. "Advance and give the counter sign!" "$4.99, reduced from $5." "Correct! Pass on!" New Y'ork Journal. Easily Kxplalned. "Dr. Bogus is a self-made man." "I don't understand you." "He inherited his money from a wealthy aunt whom he treated." Puck. May Have Meant That. "He told me to get off the earth. What do you suppose ho meant?" "Ho seemed to think that you needed i bath, evidently." Louisville Courier lournal. How He I.nved Them. Mrs. Ferry "I never saw a boy so fond of pets as Bobby is." Mrs. Wallace "Beolly?" Mrs. Ferry "Yes; he's worn out a kitten and two pups in the last two months." Golden Days. A Slaver From Wavbork. "Have you any special rule of con duct in your office?" "Yes; when a man comes in and says he wants to talk to me only throe minutes I see to it thnt ho doesn't get a chance to sit down." Detroit Free Press. A Sweet Ketlection. Miss Peachblow "Well, I'm not am eh of an optimist, but there's one thing I can always see something good In." Miss Chalkplate "What's that?" Miss Peachblow "A mirror." New York Journal. At the Skating ltlnk. Vau Slidee "Well, I've learned one hiug about skating this winter, any how." Miss Graoeleigh "What'B that?" Van Slide (regaining his feet dazed ly) "The ice is just as hard this teason as it was last." New York fournal. A Matter of Pride. Mrs. Greener "Mercy! What are vou doing? Puttiug a ten-cent stump an the letter when a two-cent stamp will carry it?" Mrs. Pneumony "I know, but it is well enough to give people to under stand that we are possessed of ample means."- Boston Trauscript. Keinlnlseent. "That piece," said the young man who plays the piano by ear, "is a minor." "Is it possible!" exclaimed his ac quaintance. "Couldn't you recognize it?" "Oh, yes; I recognized it. My im pression was that it was of ago long ago." Anxlou. to l'lease. "Is there no balm iu Gilead?" cried the preacher. The druggist in the front pew moved uneasily aud rubbed his eyes. "All out of it, at present," he mur mured, gently; "but l ean give you something just as good." Afterward he slept more peace fully Puck. In a Fair Way or Ketllemuiit. "Well," Baid the Congressman from Owattamy, "I guess the Indian problem has been solved at last. We'll soon be rid of the red men now." "How so?" asked one of his con stituents. "They've taken up football." Cleveland Leader. More Hume lUile. Singerly "What would we do with out woman! You know the old maxim, 'The hand that rocks tho cradle rules the world!' " Wederly "I dou't know about its ruling the world, but I know the baud that rocks our cradle rules the house, and we pay her 84 a week for doing it." Chicago News. Delay Wuuld lie 1)uiiktou. "According to this cablegram they were murried iu Paris yesterday, " he said. "We must send our congratulations at once," she returned. "By mail or cable?" be asked. "From what 1 know of both of them," she replied, "we ought to send them by cable if we wish to be sure that they will be acceptable when they reach them." Chicago Post. lMuiuoml. It is estimated that over eighty tons of diamonds have beeu uneuithud iu the South Africuu fields during the last eighteen yeurs. These represent a total value of JHO,00(I.OOO. No more slot machines are to be at lowed to operate iu Lewistou. Me. THE LOVE-BRIDGE. Two liltlo feel npon the stairs, Two little arms were open wide. Two little hamls would bar the way Trying to re-mli from side to side. With smiling glanees, two browu eyes Look up to mine in tho softened light, The sweet child volee In answer tells Why I must own her playful right. "THs Is a love-tirldge, papa says. Ills Is the gato, my arms so wldo, Div me a kiss as you go through, I'll dlv It hack ou the other side." I bend to give my kiss, nnd think Of the 'love-bridge" neross life's soa, Where the gate is a father's arms, Willing M open wldo for me. When the treasures swept from my sight, When toss.'d and turned by wind nnd tide. Have passed tho gate, and he will glvo Them ba"k to mo tho other sld". lioston Cilobo. HUMOR OF THE DAY, He "Darling, was there over lov like ours?" She "Well, not in mj experience, at last." Cincinnati En quirer. The man who is entirely absorbed ic himself is not the only sponge in th apothecary's shop. Stillwater (Minn.) Prison Mirror. She "I suppose youhavo had some narrow escapes in plnjiug football?" He "I have had some hairbreadth es capes." Puck. Miss Spokes "What shall we have for our club colors?" Mr. Pedalman "I guess black aud blue will be all right. " Judge. "Do the police suspect anybody ol the murder?" "Yes." "Whom do they suspect?" "Oh! they don't know." lloxbury Gazette. When we discover the faults of out friends we aro hoppy; when wo dis cover tho faults of our frionds without being happy we lire great. Puck. "She Bwms to bo lacking iu self confidence." "She is, shockingly sol Why, she doesn't beliovo sho can plan ahoueo bettor than ou architect." Puck. "After all your bonsts, Mrs. Dash, you did not lire off your piHtol at that burglar?" "How could I? Ho was standing right in front of my new etained-glas window." Judge. Miss Caustic "Don't you think monkeys nre cute?" Blowdust "No; they remind me too much of some people." Miss Caustic "Oh, yon shouldn't bo bo sensitive." Standard. "Are you one of the strikers?'1 skod the woman at the door. "Yes, mum. I'se a pioneer iu the movement. Btrack thirty years ago, and I'vo never give iu yet." Loudon House hold Words. "What is your idea of fame?" "Fame? Well, in the finest phase, 1 think it is the incredulous surprise which a man's home folk oxhibitwheu lie does anything noteworthy." Do troit Free Press. She "Do you remember, Frank, the night you proposed to me, I buug aiy head and said nothing?" Ho "Do I remember? Well, I bIioiiUI rather say I did! It was the lant time t bow you act so!" Hons "Aud what do you thiuk of the origin of man? Don't you believe man is descended from tho monkey?'' Elizabeth "Oh, yea, I think man is; hut what puzzles me is where womau eome from." Standard. Biggs "When I was in Chicago last August, I went skatiuu; ou the Chicago iliver." Bo:,'jjk "1'ou don'l mean to say the river was frozen ovei at that time'.''' Bigs "Oh, no. We used roller skates." Life. Tommy "Mother, what is au angel?" ' Mother "An augel is a bo ing that flies." Tommy "But, mam ma, papa calls my governess an angel.' Mother "Then, my iiear, she is go ing to fly immediately." Standard. Mr. Blinks "Tho romance of Mo Bride's honeymoon lingers idill, al though ho has beeu married live year." Mrs. Jinks "How do you know?" Mr. Blinks "Ho jokes with his wif about her millinery bills." Tid-Dits. "Has your Shake-spearo Society started iu yet, Miss Jones?" "Yes, Wo mot at Mrs. Wiggles's yesterday. Miss Matilda Bobiuson read a most delightful paper oil tho 'Influence o) Rosalind ou Dress Reform.' "Har per's Bazar. "I won't submit to being turned away," said tho disappointed arrival at the hotel. "Seo hero, I'm flush,' Aud he displayed a roll of bills. "1 know," responded tho clerk; "but I've got a full house." Fhiludelphii! North American. Huustou "I'd like to go shooting to-morrow, if I could only get a dog that was well trained." Ethol "Oh, I'll let you take Dottio, then? Sh can stand on her head, uud shake hands, and play dead, aud soy bet prayers, aud do lots of things!" Puck. First Thespian "When I was play ing Hamlet iu Oinahu uud getting Uij fifty a night, I " Second Thespiai "Hold ou thero. Jaekl make tha' five." First Thespiuu "No, Tom, 'pou me honor, fifty a night regular. Eggs ure cheap out there." llarpci'e Weekly. Mr. Wood ware "That young fel low you have iu your office is the most conceited puppy I ever ran across." Mr. (Jueausware "Ye, I know; but you must remember ho is jouug yet, uud his charucter is not fully formed. He has never been tried by lire." Mr. Woodwaie "Then you'd better tire him." New York Weekly. It Vu a Klollilil.tt 'i'licii. It is fifty years siuei! the sensational discoveries of gold in California. There ij a plan on foot to celebrate the anni versary. Fifty ycari ago, ueeordiu;? to tho geographies of that time, Cali fornia was a damp, fo;;?y, miasmatic wilderness, in w hich Iudiaus, ferocious wild auiuiuls und fevers In set iho ad venturer. . Jt is to-day ono of tho greatest and ri.-he.st States of tho I'niou.--Kuvauuuh News.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers