L Tiro Forest HcpuMicm I published every W.l uliy, by J. E. WNK. Office in Smearbstugh & Co.'s BuiUing ELM 8TIIEKT, TIONESTA, Vk. Term, - Hi.oo lor Vonr.. No subscription re-e.vad for a snorter period than tnruo mouths. Oorre-ipondonce solicits I fro-n nil parts of th couutry. No Dotlot will bo taken ol monyraous o;uiiiunlo.iilom. RATES OF AOVERTISINCl On. Sqiiftrn, on. Inch, on. insertion. .1 I 00 One r-ipinre, one inch, one r.iontn. 8 On. Square, on. inch, twr? tn mlhs. . ' On r-qimre, one Inch, on. yer 10 im 1 wd bquire, one ye ir !" Quarter Com inn, on. ye.ir 8 oil Half Column, one yeir A'' K line Column, one year Iidj in) Lejnl adTartiieiuauts tea eenU per lio. each i inert ion. Alarruigps nl death notice. gmtl. All bills foryrar;y advertiser nt ejected quarterly Temporary ndverueimienu ninat be paid in advance. Job work-ah on deliver. FT.TPTT ICAN. -XL. VOL. XXX. NO. 33. TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, DEC. ), 1807. S1.00 PER ANNUM. R ST BL British landlords ore said to own 20,000,000 norea of land in thia court- tr'- Germany's proportion of suicides is larger than that of any other Euro peau country. Years ago Friuee Bismarck used to spoil his uamo without the "c." The present spoiling does away with the monetary significance of the name Bismark two marks. Tho Loudon Echo gives a list of large laud owners in Australia. One of them has 020,000 acres, another 4 i.ziw.uuif, a tnira 3,ujd,uuj, wmie tue Jnion Bank owns no fewer than T 800, 000 acres. -i- - - -'- - J TT According to the annual report rrf the Interstate Commerco Commission tho amount of railway capital in em ployment Juno 30, 1800, was $10,55G, Htj5, 771. This is about thirteen times the size of the present national debt. Tho London police are much worried over the problem of what to do with drunken men when in charge of elco. trio cabs. They don't know exactly how to stop the cab and they don't kliow what to do with the cab when it . does stop. Florida expocts to send 200,000 boxes of oranges North this season, about doublo tho quantity shipped luit year. That, however, is but ton por cout7"of the yield before the great freeze and will not count for much in the market. An Ohio poultryman says t'.iat the oest way to prepare high-bred chickens Tor poultry shows is to pluck them in ho summer, lie Buys ho plucks thorn ?leuu and thou rubs the birds with greasuJiy full they have a beautiful wVjVooat of foathors. Ho adds that it doesu't hurt the bird a bit. The birds didu't testify personally. CJJF. - "" jQ Tho social qimuit'rats m Germany, . which moans everybody who objects to Emperor William's absolutism and jolioves in a greater share in the gov ernment for the people, are preparing to get representation in the Prussian diet. They already poll mora otos md have a larger number of repre -lu '" 'jtentutivos in the reiehstag thau any other party in Germany. , A member of the British Farliameut 3au not resign. When he wishes to resign ho accepts the stewardship ol the Chilteru hundreds, a nominal office in tho gift of the crown, and paying a salary of twenty shillings a year. No member ot Farliameut can remain in his seat after oeceptiug a Government appointment other thau a Cabinet posi tion, and this fiction of the steward ship has thus been perpetrated for ut . 'oast 600ears. 1 - . A Tho increase of tho British army is evidently vory seriously considered by tho present administration, and the Solicitor General of. England, speak ing at a public meeting in Scotland, Haul that as a large increase in both tho army and navy might become uaicessary, conscription may be intro duced. The statement has called furth comment in all tho London pupors, for there has been no conscription in Great Britain since tho battle of Water Moo. - - - The destruction of nn Abyssiuia'i Army'in Soinalilaud is a striking bit -of Futo's stern irony. Tho Italiaus invaded Abyssinia uud were over whelmed by those who were fur ba neath them the scale of civiliza tion. Thou the Abyssiuns in turn invaded Souialilnud, aud were like wise vanquished by those who were at far below them as they were below the Italiaus. Complete litness now re quires, the Komalis to get beaten by some still lower tribe, if such can I e found. They might, for ixample, suggests the Now York Tribune, iu vado Amhara and fall prey to the baboons. It is an unusual compliment that the Gcruiau Government has puid tj David C. Sauford, engineer of the Connecticut Shellfish Comyiissimi. At the urgent solicitation of the Germaus he goes over there to present to Ger iiiuu scientists ia u series of lectures tho results of his study of tho ouster and its enemies. Mr. Sauford will take with him his collection of oy -.ters uud their destroyers, said to bo the most complete in tho world, aud tell of the methods followed in cultivating the oyster und destroying its enemies by tho planters of Louglslaud Mound. Germany is trying to restore to its waters tho oyster beds that were onoo a source of considerable income to German fishernieu, but that neglect has practically ruined. Mr. Sauford will investigate the trouble and try to Hud a remedy to suggest to tho Gcr uiau Fish Couimissio" jrfY a maiden ret a for its ' " 'V. MY FOE. Not from my foes without, but thoso wltli in. I pray to bo protected bonr ly lionr; For that nggrossivo elf that leads to Bin, And lures to pleasure with seductive power, Htnnds ever by the portal of deslro. And mocks my spirit when it would aspire. From that most subtle foo, disguised as friend, I need bo over on my guard, for when I ceaso for one brbif moment to defend Tho castle of lny oul, ho seeks me then In some uulookoJ-for way, with miun so fair. And voice so sweet, tho wlillo he sots his Biiare. With honeyed words and sophistries, and lies, Menrgucson tho pleasures of the sense; And picture!) Duty In a hideous gulso. And laughs at Labor's paltry recompense; "Lot dullards toil," ho cries, ''thine Is the right "To gntber all llfo's blossoms of dellghtl" Again, In mask of teacher he nppoars. And cries, "Why seek to lift another's load? Each soul that Journeys down the vale of toars Must carry his own burden o'er tho road Accept thine own, but let nil others go." Dosplto his mask, 1 know hi in as my foe. My bnso foe, self, which, envious of tho goal It cannot roauh, since formed of dying clay, Would hinder and oppese my striving soul That longs and labors for tho better wny; Aim wnn tins roe my spirit must contend Dy prayer and vigil, even to the end. Ella Whoc icror Wilcox. Q A FAT Tm i g Petroleum. ; 03333333333333333333333003 HEN I must take your refusal as final? Very well. Here is the document signed by Wilfred M e r r i o u y our brother acknowl edging himself forger and thief, aud giving mo power to prosecute at any time I think Ut or limy feel inclined. Here is my oiler: Marry me three months from now, this document will pass into your possession aud your brother is Bate. If not 'If not?" "If you are foolish enough to persist in your refusal Wilfred Morriou will stand In the felon's dock before the mouth is out, aud the brother of the beautiful Noruh Merrion will in all probability servo seven yews' peuul sorvituuo. uu, wny uo you persecute me thus? I was happy aud iupeaco when I was poor but now that I am rich you force attentions upon me which are not only an insult to mo, but to another, also " "Ah! you refer to my nephew, Charles Crawford a clever lad, Norah, but poor. You speak of your wealth. I do not deny that your sung little 100,000 m hard cash makes your at tractions doubly alluring; and do you think I am going to resign all that in favor of my nephew Charles? No, no. In tact, 1 uo not think l have any more need for bun in my otlice. "You will not discharge him?" I L"You would not advise me to keep a dog that has once tried to bite who knows but that the next time he may succeed i lou are anxious for your brother; think of biu. You have the welfare of Charles Crawford at heart; do not ruin him, for as surely as you fait, to marry mo J will crush them both. If, however, you agree to my proposal, there is nothing that I will uot do for thorn. "Give me time to think." "Not one moment. Yes or no?" "I cauuot I " "Your brother." "You torture me." "Yes or no " "Then God forgive mo. If that is the only way to save Wilfred, I must do it." Notwithstanding the questionable manner in which John Markam so cured his victory, he walked down to his office after the interview with Norah Merrion in a cheerful, aud even jubi lui.t, frame of mind. John Markam & Co. were well known in the city as a iirui of high re pute, engaged in the oil trade. John Markam, tho sole partner, had crept up from small beginnings; d iiing the last month, however, he bad made con tracts which, when completed, would place hi in on the high road to fortune Homo three yeais ago, when Wilfred Merrion, Norah'a brother, was a clerk in John Murkhatn's ollice, a series of petty thefts had taken place, culminat ing iu the cashing of a forged check for a considerable amount. Tho guilt being directly traceable to Wilfred Merrion, John Markham, find iug that nothing was to be gained by prosecution, compelled the young niau to sign a paper acknowledging his do tiiiiuiency, and discharged him. For some time after discharging Wil fred from his employ John Markam thought little or nothing about the Merrion family, but when it came to his know lodge that au eccentric old geutleinim in the person of Norah's uucle hud died, leaving her a fortune jf 100,000, his iuterest wus suddenly awakened. "One hundred thousand pounds he mused "not iu questionable securi ties, but in one solid sum ou deposit a the huuk. ready To be drawn in one single check! John Murkaiu, you must see into this. And from that day Noruh Merrion was allowed no peuce, uud not with utauding the fact t hut she hud promised to marry Churles Crawford long before her fortune cuuie to her, tho threat and persecutions of John Markam cut minuted as wo huve Been. Upon entering his ollice John Murk am rung tho boH and sumuioued his chief into the private room. "Crawford, let ine have those lust co.itruets. Now, let me see," he went ou whou tho documents were luid be fore him, "how do we stuud? One contract for 20,000, one for 50,000 and one for 30,000, that is to say, 100,000 tons of Russian petroleum in all, at 1 per ton equals 100,000. We buy at an average of 61s. per ton, or 320,- 000, leaving a profit of H0,000, a very nice little deal. I think, Crawford, that when I have seen this through I shall sell thebnisncss and retire." "Indeed, sir!" "Yes, I am about 'tired of commer cial life; these transactions will be through in three months, and then I am going to be married. You surprise me, sir. "Aye, life is full of surprises. You know Miss Merrion, I think!" Miss Merrion! "Yes, Miss Merrion; but why in that tone of voice? Don't you approve of the lady?" This is no subject for jest, sir; you kuow as well as I do that Miss Mer rion is my pyomisod wife." "Indeed! It is my turn Ao lie sur prised. I certainly knew that you ad mired the lady, and I have uo doubt that you fostered hopes in that direc tion; but when you, have tho cool effrontery to inform me that you are engaged to marry her I can only mar vel at your audacity. "With all respect due to you, sir, as my uncle and my employer, I must say that tho statomeut you have just made 13 not only untrue, but you kuow it to be untrue, I was engaged to marry Miss Merrion long before she was an heiress, aud we were merely waiting until my position improved." "Aud do you think you aro likely to improve your position by calling your master a liar? After this conduct you cannot remain iu my employ. I will dispense with tho throe months' no tico, and draw you a check in lieu of it. Be prepared to leave iu live min utes. Go. A few minutes later the bell rang again, aud Crawford, hat iu hand and coat' thrown over his arm, entered the sanctum. I am sorry to have to part with you like this, Crawford, but there is no other course opou to mo. I have just left Miss Merrion, aud she has complained to me of your fortune- hunting propensities, and asked me to nse my influence to put an end to your persecution of her. .Hore is a check for 200, and I sincerely hope that you will endeavor to cultivate inoro gentlemanly manners in your future career. Quietly closing the door aftor him, Johu Murkam's nephew left the office. The fickleness of fortune as demon strated by tho events of the last fif ten minutes caused an indescribable feeling of dismay iu the young man's mind. Churles Crawford as chief clerk to Johu Markham & Co., with prospects of a partnership, was now Charles Crawford, with 200 iu his pocket aud a few more huudreds in the bank, aud prospects nil. His first thought upon leaving the office was of Norah. Could it be as his uucle had declared, that she looked upon him merely as a fortune huutor? No, he would not believe it, aud full of determination to ascertain the truth from Norah herself, he made his way to her home. The cry of loy that foil from her lips when he presented himself before her soon banished all thoughts of her inconstaucy from his mind. In a few moments sue had told him all; tho iuorimiuating document, signed by her brother Wilfred, the per secutions of John Markam, and the extraordinary sacrifice demauded from her in order to save Wilfred from ruiu. "What can we do, Charlie? Poor Wilfred is so happy with his wife and child; is au error of the past to rise up aud ruin his life? I would give my whole fortune to lind a way out of this trouble. I cannot give you up, Churlio, and yet if we do not hit upon some pluu " 'You will marry Johu Markam?" "No, no, I do not say that, Charlie, but I must save Wilfred." It was strikiug 10 o'clock that night wheu Crawford left Nora Merrion. As he walked along plunged iu thought the rattle of a tire engine dashing past roused him from his reverie, and a lurid glare in the sky told him that a vast conflagration was iu progress. Upou hastening to the spot he found that the premises and store yards of a large linn of coopers were on fire. A hnge stack of liuiuy thousands of newly made barrels was well alight, and from the inflammable nature of the mater ials it was soon evident that all efforts to hold the fire iu check wore hope less. Iu a few hours the whole of the premises would be gutted. As Crawford gazed upou the burn ing pile, a sudden thought surged through his brain. After considering a few moments he hastily retraced his steps, and lute as he wus, sought an other interview with Nora. They tulked fur into tho night, and it wus lute wheu he finally reached his lodgings. Instead of retiring to rest, however, he"sturtedtowrite, uud when the dawn of the new duy streamed through the window, he was still busy with his peu. Eight o'clock saw him at the tele graph ollice with a sheaf of messages iu his haud addressed to ull the priu cipal coopers and burrel makers iu the kingdom. They were nearly all of the same tenor, and run as follows: "Contracts wanted for uuy part of 500,000 buirels to be delivered during next three months. Wire price and number you can undertake. Terms: Half cu.ih ou siguiug agreement, bulunce ou delivery. Bunkers and references. Paris, London Merrion, Crawford & Co., Benger's Court, Loth- bury, London. Half an hour later he had secured the offices and lixures of a bankrupt firm iu lieuger's Court, aud by D o'clock a temporary sign hung outride of the door bearing the legend, "Merrion, Crawford & Co," The services of fonr lawyers' clerks were hastily seonred otul they were set to work writing out duplicate contracts in blank in anticipation of the arrival of the answering telegrams. lhe senior partner of the new firm. in the person of Miss Norah Merrion, drove np in her brougham at 10 o'clock, and a few minutes later bbw her and Crawford iu the private oflice of the bank manager. I he banking arrangements were rapidly completed, and Charles left with full power to draw upou the new firm s account for any sum or sums np to 100,000. Oil their return to tho office they found that a number of telegrams had already arrived, and by noon the next day the firm of Merrion, Crawford & Co. found themselves responsible foi the payment of ne'arly 000,000 barrels at prices ranging from 3s. to 4s. each. Johu Markam was well satisfied with himself matters were flowing very smoothly, with him, Itis business en gagements he calculated would bring him iu a comfortable fortune, and bo far as ho could see no cloud appearod upon the horizon of his prosperity. In his hours of leisure the thought of Norah Merrion aud her fortune brought a smile of triumph to his face. Onco wedded to her and the turmoil ol business would involve him no more, and if a doubt of the success of his matrimonial schemes crossed his mind the perusal of Wilfred Merrion's con fession instantly banished it. "She will wed me to save hot brother. Crawford is out of my path, bo I have nothing to fear." But the plans of the cleverest men sometimes go astray, and wheu Johu Markham attempted to negotiate fot barrels iu which to store his oil, he suddenly awoke to tho fact that some smart firm had cornered the market. His contracts had to befulfilled dur ing tli next three mouths. Unless he had barrels to send his oil away in, the contracts would fall through aud he would be ruined. But when ho discovered the name of the firm, his rago know no bounds. Tho delay of a few hours had placed him at the mercy of Norah Merrion and Charles Crawford. Toward the end of the month, when the first contract became due, he poc keted his pride and wrote to Merrion, Crawford & Co., asking for a quotation of 100,000 barrels, and wheu tho an swer came back, "10s. per barrel," ho felt that ho was really iu the hands of the enemy, aud utter despair took pos session of him. The next day ho received a rote from Crawford: "If John Markam will come to Benger's Court, ot 12 o'clock, matters might be arranged to suit both parties." When at 12 o'clock he was ushored into the private oflice at Benger's Court- he fonud himself iu tho pres ence of Norah Merrion. As he came forward to take her haud, she rose aud motioned him to a seat. For a moment there was silence. "We meet under somewhat different circumstances, Mr. Markam." lie bowed in assent. "It is not my wish," she continnod, "to indulge any idea of revenge which would probably recommend itself to any other person in my position. I understand from Mr. Crawford that it depends upou this firm whether you become a rich man or a bankrupt." "That is so." "I havo certain terms to offer which, if you accept, well and good if not " "Name them!" "Iu the first place you must haud mo the confession written by my brother, aud sign a document promis ing not to molest him in any way. "Aud then?" "Iu the second place, this firm has contracts on which will bring in a con siderable sum; you have engagements which I understand will make you practically independent. Agree to my first proposition aud take Mr. Craw ford into partnership; that is to say, combine the two firms, work off ull the contracts, and then dissolve each to have hulf the profits. Do you agree?" "You are too geuorous, but what does my nephew suy?" "Here is Charles to answer for him self. " "I say lot us bury the whole of this miserable business uud ring a peul of bells ovcV its grave. Noruh and I are to bo married next week, uncle; will you come aud dunce at our wedding?" "I will, my boy, und I ask pardon from both of you for the unhappiuess I have caused you. It has Iteeu a caso of diamond cut diamond. I envy you your happiness, and I shall never forget that it was your generosity that brought to a triumphant issue my Meal iu petroleum.' " Loudon Tit Bits. bugur From 1'otutoe. Au extensive economical revolution is in sight, if the claims of Dr. Priuzeu Geerliugus turn out to be what the doctor asserts they ore. Dr. Geer lings, a government official of Java uud formerly professor of chemistry at the University of Amsterdam, an nounces the discovery of a simple method of converting potato starch into sugar, lie hus lodged his descrip tion of the method with the French Academy of Sciences, so as to secure priority for his iuveutiou, although he is not quite ready to make the details public. Science. Corn at Ilia Parla Kxfiohltioii. The Paris Exposition offers uu in viting schoolroom. Americuu cooks turning out griddle cukes, hoe cukes, com pone, bread mude from corn uud rye, bread mude from an admixture of corn flour and wheat Hour uud ull of the ninny delightful coru products, serving them free to visitors from ull over Europe, from ull over the world, would do much to inuke the advant ages of America's great cereal known aud appreciated. ludiuuupolis News, THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. A Taking Young Fellow Kaslly Defined Tlic lilffcourlcnnn Interruption Fired llnrk Iirt of Npeecli A (irnnlm Delight Ilia Kptirro ut Acllvltj, Eto He took her fnncy when ho came; lie took her hnnd, he took n kiss; He took no notice of the shame That glowed her happy cheek at this. He took to coining afternoons; He took nn oath he'd ne'er deceive; He took her father's silver Bpoons, Aud after that ho took his leave! Easily Dellaed. "What Is courting danger, Uncle Simon?" "Any kind of courting." The DUcourtvolia Interruption "What is a rude awakeniug, pa?" "Well, it is au nwakeuiug before 8 o'clock iu tho morning." lni'tH of Hpeerli. "Were you kuockod speechless when you ran into that ico wagon?" "No; but my wheel was knocked spokeless." The Wheel. Fired Hack. "You cqiisider this garbage question au important one, do you uot?" "My dear sir, it's tho burning ques tion of the age." Chicago Post. No I.lllillllf Intm. "Dodsworth, your wife seeniB to bo a woman of commanding presence." "Commanding prescfice! By Jove, sir, my wife cau commuud wheu she's absent." A Genuine Dellirhi. "There is oao thing which gratifies a woman more than all things else." "And what, is that?" "Being told that other women aro jealous of her." Chicago Beeord. III. Sphere of Activity. First Citizen "I never was so busy as I am now." Second Citizen "What aro you do ing?" First Citizen "I'm looking for a job." Brooklyn Life. Cleaned Out. Perry Patettio "Please, mister, sould you help tho victim of a wush out?" Mister "Of a washout?" "JTes, mister. I ain't had nothin' but wotter to drink for two long weeks." Cincinnati Enquirer. Tho Dlnervnco. "What do you think will tie tho ef fect of that politiciuu's latest utter ance?" "It depends on tho individual," replied Willie Washington. "Peo ple who like him will cull it 'a praise worthy step,' und those who don't will refer to it as 'a shrewd move.'" Washington Star. A Change of lli-urt. He "I think I shall have to preach a bicycle sermon to-morrow advising all my parishioners to ride a wheel." She "Why, Joseph, it wus only threo weeks ago that you denounced the wheel most thoroughly." He "Yes; but remember, my dear, that was while I was learning to ride." Harper's Bazar. A Wpnderfiil Mnn. "What a putieut man that Hauford is?" "Is he patient? I never noticed it." "Yes; ho inflated his tires with a hand pump this morning without sweuriug that ho would throw the thing away uud kick his wheel to pieces rather thau ever to try to do it again." Cleveland Leader. Tied t'p. "There's the wojd pile," significuut ly suggested the housewife when Meandering Mike applied for a re past. "Madame," he replied, "dis here is one o' do mos' melnncholly coinci dents dut ever happened. I'm de President of do 'Sociutiou of Wander ing Woodchoppers, an' it uiu't been nior'u two minutes since I declured a general strike." A LesHon. "I'm glad to observe one thing," said tho official's close acquaintance. "Your elevation to political honors hasn't made you ut ull proud." "I should suy it husn't. A inuu doesn't know what real humility is un til ho has got an appointment uud had all his intimate friends toll him they dou't see how on earth he came to be picked out for so important uu oflice." Washington Stur. I.ouklllg lirfoi'0 Leaping. Lady "I wish you would call ut tho office of Mr. Oldrich, U'.t'J Fashion avenue, contrive to have some con versation with the venerable gentle mull, uud so far us you me uble, ex amino into his physical condition I desire to know how lung he is likelj to live." Physician "Certainly. Are yov his w ife?" Ludy "No, but I have a chance t b-j." New York Weekly. Way lie Was Welcome. "Here, Hurry, is u dime for you,' said Mr. Harper to tho littlo brothel of the one ho loves. "Huve you evei heard Miss Bessie say anything about me when I wasn't here?" "Oh, lots of time," replied the sweel child. "Aiul what does she say, Hairy?" "She Buys she's always glad to huvf you come hero wheu she's feeliu' ull wore uud tired." "And," continued tho delighted young man, "does she ever expluiu why she likes to havo me come at such times?" "Yes. She says you're ho easy she can go to sleep uud still keep you guessiu', " Clovchiud Leader. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. An electric brake is announced. That bacteria may live aud grow in melting ico has been show n by Foster. Only ouo person in fifteen has per fect eyes, tlte larger portion of defec tiveness prevailing among fair-haired people. Au even cubic foot of average soil was weighed and analyzed at Cornell University. It was found that the soil iu one acre ouo foot deep weighed 2082j tons. In a recent lecturo Professor Berge manu, of Berlin, stated that in fifty cases of perforating tho skull for epilepsy he knew of only ouo perm anent cure. The dilTorenco betweoni tho tallfst and shortest races lu tho world is ouo foot four and a half inches, and the average height is live feet five aud a half iucjics. Whont cau be grown in the Alps nt au elevation of 3000 feet, in Brazil at 5000, in tho Caucasus nt ntlOO, in Abyssinia at 10,000, and iu Peru and Bolivia at 11,000. Two now asteroids havo been dis covered between Mars and Jupiter by M. Charlois, of Nice, bringing tho number discovered by him up to eighty-six. Pulisa, the Austriau as tronomer, has discovered eighty-three. The eyes of bees are made to bco great distances. When absent from thoir hive they go up in the air till thoy see their homo, and they Hy to ward it in a struint lino und with great speed The, shortest line be tween two places is sometimes culled a "bee-line." Corrosive wnter is a common sourco of trouble iu metul mines. Its effect on iron, curiously enough, is greater wheu it simply drips ou tho metal than wheu the iron is immersed iu it. A twelve-pound iron rail 1ms beeu cut in two iu a few weeks by drops of water fulling ou it. A German chemist, Joseph Langer, has succeeded, with infinite patience, in analyzing the poison of a bee's Bting. The amount secreted by each bee is only a tenth of a milligramme, and he required 20,000 bees to get enough to experiment with. He did not discover any bacteria, and con cluded that the action of tho poison was purely chemical. The fish's belly is white and his back green, because iu swimming about iu the water the white belly is the color of tho light shining through the- water, hence protects him from his enemies below. His back being green makes him on tho othor hand appear from ubove us part of tho groen water, and is his Bufoguurd from hawks aud other enemies. Ferlla of the llutlwuy Mull ftervlcp. Tho remarkable number of fatalities among railway mail clerks iu recent wrecks calls fresh attention to the ex treme hazards taken by thoso public servants. It is claimed by those who huve tukeu some pains to gather nta tistics that tho death rate is greater iu proportion to numbers thau actual warfare. This seems almost incredi ble, yet it is" uppureut to every one who investigates that of all the posi tions iu the railway service that of the railway mail clerk is accompan ied by tho greatest risk. It is gener ally supposed that tho engineer aud fireman have the most hazardous posts, but they always huve at least a moment's warning and are often uble o save themselves by jumping. Active preparations are being made amoug the mail clerks to petition Con gress for better protection. Those who have tho matter iu charge are Dousideriug various suggestions that may take the form of recommendations. One reform that will probubly be jsked is that the mail coaches 1m placed after instead of before the bag gage cars, the through baggage coach, which ia usually unoccupied by bag gageman, while tho train is iu motion, to take the place next the engine, now invariably assigned to tho mail coach. It is also probable that tho Govern ment will be asked to supply its own cars and to make them of steel, uud without platforms, which facilitate the telescoping process and its frightful rosults. Kansas City Journal. The Cftur. Account of llliimelf. It is reported from Vienna that a curious point recently arose iu con nection with the statistical congress in Moscow. In accordance with the police regulations, it was necessary for every official of tjio congress to fill up a form giviug particulars of him self aud family. The President was tho Czar, aud to him two of tho forms were sent. They were returned filled up as follows: "Name, Nicholas Kouiuuoll'; ordinary occupation, Em peror of ull the Bussias uud sovereigu of the Bussian territories; secoudury occupation, if uuy, laud owner uud agriculturist." Tho second form, ulso iu the huudwritiiig of tho Czar, wus us follows: "Nuine, Maria Feodoro viteh; ordinury occupation, Empress of ull the KiiHhias and suvcreigu of Russian territories: secondary oc cupation, if uuy, Presideut of ull societies uud associations for female progress in llussiu." Loudon Chron icle. Aa Uiiplcunuiit Hide, A certain prominent young man of St. Augustine, Flu., had occasion to tuke a short trip into the couutry. Ho procured a saddle horse and, by mis take, was given a pony thut is used by the boys ou their evtuing lamp-lighting rounds. Ou the wuy out of the city this pony stopped at every lump post he passed, uud would only move forward' utter his rider hud struck u mutch. When the lump posts gave out lie stopped ut every tree, uud, though the Journey wusruther slow, the young man finished it with tho expeudiluro of ubout two dozen bo.ves of matches which Ue wus obliged to purchase. Bultiiuoiti Suu. FIELDS. Oh, the grny Melds, thejiay fields, And the azure nrchlng over, Wlwn the west wind dips to kiss the lips, Of the laughing, lny clover; Tlie rythmic swish of the swinging scythe, The swaying of brown bodies lithe, A song from the throat of n bluo bird blithe, Anil the trilling plaint of a plover Oh, the sweet fields, the wheat fields Ann ino nine SKy nenuing over, When the south wind deeps, nnd tho wild Juiwk sweeps: And the chickens seek the cover; The wide Hold glows with noon-day heat, The Ten porn rest 'ueath sheaves of wheat. The chirr of the crickets sound As sweot As tho llipiid notes of the plover. Oh, tho lorn fields, the corn fields, Aud tho gray sky glowing over, When the north wlud blows from the land of snows A blustering. Poreal rover; fn scattered shocks tho soro stalks flo, l-'lnlled by the wimfthnt hurtles by; K llap of wings, a crane's clenr cry, Aud the echoing pipe of a plover. John N. Ullllurd, in tho Chap Book. HUMOR OF THE DAY. "They are not very thick, then?" "No; I fancy they see through each other." Puck. "When there isn't company," said Edith, "tho baby wakes up only with his eyes, but when thero's company ho wakes up with his mouth, too." Judge. New Yorker "Have yon ipent much time iu investigating microbes, Miss Buck Bny ?" Boston Girl "Yes, indeed; I dote on tho dear little Michaetrobos. " Judge. "Tho Dey of Algiers is a very short man, isn't he?" "I believo bo." "Then it would bo truo to say that the people of Algid are as honest as tho Dey is long." Puck. Ethel "What kind of a nia is this Mr. Btishington you speak of so often?" Jack "Well, ho is what we liien call a good fellov." Ethel "Mercy! As bad as thut?" Puck. Little Bob "Aw, I could walk the rope just as well as tho man in the circus if it wasn't for ono thing." Littlo Willie "Whut is thut?" Lit tle Bob "I'd full off." Harper's Bazar. New Sfrvunt "I found this ooin upon your desk, sir." Master "I am glad you are Inmost. I put it there purposely to test your honesty," Now Servant "Thut's whut I thought." Standard. "Johuny, Joliuny, what do you mean 'by hitting your little brother ou tho head with tho hammer?" "I couldn't help it, mnw. Tlrut cap you've got ou him made him look bo much like a tuck." Indianapolis Jour- -mil. Mrs. Farmer "Don't you never do uo work?" Tired Tomkins "Well, say, if yer know w'ol hard work it wuz fer a collego bred iiiuu ter keep his temper w'ilst ausweriu' liugrnmmut ical females yer wouldn't ask dut." Judge. Little Arthur had beeu to church "How did yonjiketho sermon?" asked his sister. "Pretty well," responded tho youthful critic. "Tho beginning was very good, and so was the eud, but it had too much middle. London Tit-J!it8. "I onco knew a man whoso hair changed from black .to white in a sin gle night beeuuse ho lost his fortune." "Woli, I know a girl who lost hor for tune, und her hair chuuged from au burn to red iu less time than it takes to tell it." Detroit Journal. Mrs. Nubbons "My husbuud is a perfect brute." Friend "You amaze me." Mrs. Nubbons "Sinco the baby begun teething nothing would quiet the little angel but pulling bit" pupu's beard and, yeslerduy, he went and had his beard shaved off." Standard. Host "Why did you givo that man the most expensive rooms in tho house? Do you kuow if ho has the means to pay?" Porter "Of course I dj. Would that pretty young woman have married such uti ugly old fellow if he wasut rich us Cra'sue?" Flie fjendo Blnetter. First Whiteciip "Here's a lettet from tho wife of tho man we lynched last night." Second Whiteciip "Vou dou't suy so!" First Whiteciip "Yes. sho says bIio likes our stylo of doing things very much, uud usks if we'd mind dropping up some evening this week to hung u few pictures for her." Detroit Journal. Boeder "Good grucious, ium' Why do you buy that trashy magazine? There is nothing to rejid in it." Wheeler (iu amazement) "Trashy! Nothing to read? Why, man alive, you must be cruzy! This magazine contains more bicycle udvertiwmeuts thun any other two inugaziues put to gether!" Puck. The Chicagw Times-Herald cuu nive a good answ er to almost any question. When the Denver l'o-it wondered why the cartoonists ulwuys represent Uncle Sum with trousers much too short foi him, it suid: "The trousers ure long enough, but the old man's legs huve beeu pulled so oflon that they ure uow reully longer thau they ought to be." West Union Gazette. Miss De Fashion (breathlessly) "Oh, mother, it won't do to wait three weeks before having my party. We must send out tho invitations ut once, uud huve it this week." Mrs. De Fashion "Goodness me! whut's the hurry?" Miss Do Fashion "Thi.i jjious Miss De Pretty, whom Mr ichfellow so niudi admires, liasu boil ou her nose." New York Weekly. The physician iu charge Lid decided that qn ' operation should be per formed. "Do you think," usked a relative, anxiously, "that the opera tion w ill d any good?" "Well, 1 should say it would," replied the doe tor, confidently. "And he'll live?" "01b dear, lio; not at all. Hut it will settle a uiedlcul point th:ti bus been iu dispute for tho lu.-d titty yeurs-" Chicago Post. 5
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers