Too Forest Kcpablican la pnhlliho J every W sin uliy, by J. E. WENK. 03lc la Sinearbaugh. & Co.'i EulUlinjr, ELM 8TIlEEr, TIO.XE8TA, TA. lurrai, . i,imi 1'orVnnr, No subscriptions r'.?il for e shorter period thno tnri month. Uorre'pondem-. loll, .its I fron nil parti of Iba country. No noilo. will b taken ol anonymous oouiuiunlo.uious. Fores RATES OF ADVErTTISIro " One Bqn.ra, on Inh, on. Insertion . .1 1 00 On. Pqtiare. on. Inch, on. month. .. 8 00 On. Square, on. Inch, thro month. . A 00 Un Square un. Inch, on. year 10 l 1 wo Squares, on. year J5 (10 quarter U)!uun, on,jMr,,. Half Column, on. yr .. no 00 On. lolumn, on. year 100 1)0 I.eal advertisement, ten cent, pv Un each iniwrtion. Alarriairn and dath notices gratia. All bills for yearlyadvertiwment. collected quarterly Temporary advertisement, unit b. paid in advanoa. Job work cash on delivery. PUBLICAN. VOL. XXX. NO. 10. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, AUG. 4, 1897. S1.00 PER ANNUM, The Connecticut Legislature passed at its lnte session a law requiring the use of such inks only on publio reo ords its are approved by the Seoretary of BtBte. The law went into effoct on July 1, and a penalty of 8100 is pro vided for violation of the act. Counterfeiting has not to such a pitch in the City of Mexico that the government has dotorinined to insti tute reforms in the coinage of silver. The work on the new coins is to be finer, and other devices will be adopted in order to make counterfeiting a "hard proposition." Paris is a law unto itself in fads as woll as in other directions. For in atance, the fashionable ink there, at present, is violet color. Some men use a golden ink, It is a favorite plan to use several inks of varied hues in writing a letter. This is thought to be particularly fetching. The Epworth League of the North ern Methodist Church is a little more than seven years old, but in that short time it has grown from a feeble organ ization into a mighty army. It now has 17,534 chapters, containing an aggregate of nearly two millions of members, aud the Epworth Herald, the organ of the League, has 105, 000 subscriber j. . The idea that a country has only ono National flag is almost universal, but generally wrong. For example, Great Britain, her colonies and depen dencies, have 118. Russia comes next with, thirly-two and tho Oormau Empire follows with twenty-five. The United States is content with seven teen, Spain with five, Turkey with three and Uruguay with two. Mr. John Usher, of Norton, who has given $10,000 toward the foundation of a Chair of Publio Health in Edin burgh University, once provoked Mr. Gladstone into exclaiming: "I am responsible for the understanding that the Almighty lias been pleased to lodge in this ekull of mine, but I am not re sponsible for the understanding that the Almighty has been pleased to lodge in that skull of yours." The State of Alabama lacks a picture of Governor Israel Pickens to com plete its collection of portraits of those who have filled the executive chair. But there is a report enrrent tliaf nn nil nninltnrv nt f 1.-. -.-n . 1 I .. 1. ens used to ornament the cabin of an old-tfmo river packet that bore his name, aud an effort is being made to dis cover its present whereabouts if still - extant. Governor Pickens was elected "in 1826. London Invention says that Presi dent Wilde, of the Manchester Literary " and Philosophical Society, has offered to the French Academy of Soience a 6uin of $27,500, with a view of found ing an aunual prize to be awarded to the author' of a disoovery or of a de- - serving book on astronomy, physics. chemistry, uiiuerulog geology or mechanics. Ho make? bis handsome gift in consideration of the numerous advautageaweaped by him from French science, pure as well as applied. Accordiug to au act of the House of Lords some six years ago, a man has a right to bring bis old family pew into -the newly built church oj his parish, that he may sit in the seat of Lis fathers. In consequence of tbHs law a handsome English 'church finds itself in great distress. The graceful build ing lyvs recently been restored in the most approved style at the cost of about 50,000, and one of tho mem bers of the congregation has insisted it: thrusting his unsightly family pew 'in the midst of all this beauty. As the pew is ahuge, rude, box-like affair, the vicar is in great distress aud has Sa'ored in vain to argue the trouble some layman into a more reasonable state of mind. U Harvard College raised money by a lottery as late as 180U. Iu that year it offered for sale 20,000 tickets at 85 u'h, the prizes ranging from 8 13,000 u to (7. The prospectus issued a led that "in the above scheme the just -expectations of the publick, and the interest of the University, have been counted. It is worthy the at tention of adventurers, that the high est prize is nearly double in value to auy that has been drawn iu this Com monwealth for many years past, though the usiral price of tickets is preserved. The Managers solicit the patronage of the publick in general, and of the frieuds of Literature aud the Univers ity in particular; aud, considering the object of the Lottery, thoy will coiu biue the prospect of gain with the oertaiuty of benefitting the University, and by lending their aid to the meaus -"N' education, will promote the best in vests of their country. fctioi TRIFLES. What will It matter la a little while That tor a day We mat and gave a word, a touch, a smile Upon the way? What will It mutter whether hoarts were brave And lives were true; That you gave me the sympathy I crave, Asjl gave you? These trifles! Can U be they make or mar A human life? Are souls an light ly swayed as rushes are By lov. or strife? Yet, yea! a look the tainting heart may break. Or make It whole; And just one word, if said (or love's sweet sake, May save a soul. Slay Riley Smith. i IGIt)IC!ei AUNT SHEBA'S BEAUTIFIER. By CLARA 0DELL LYON, :ioieiGfGieiG!i ILDBED doesn't change a bit," said Patty, carefully polishing oil the glass bowl she was wiping, "only she gets prettier every day. Beally, Annt Shehn, she is love ly, aud I'm not the only one who thiuks so. I'm so glad she is," the girl went on, "for I love to look at pretty things, and it would positivelyjwoigh on my spirits to live with anyone who was downright homely. Not that I have any beauty myself," she added, with a glance at the little mirror over the mantle. "Who would ever think we are sisters? Here's an inventory of my charms: Item one, pug nose; item two, green gray eyes; item three, what papa calls my 'peaches-and-cream' complexion; it wouldn't be bad if it were not for the freckles, and I suppose that I shall have more than ever now that I'm out in the country." "Never mind the freckles, child; they's real becomin' when you've only got a few kinder like so many beanty spots. Patty laughed gaily. "I'm so glad you think so, but talk ing of beauty, what a delicious place this is!" It was Anut Sheba's turn to laugh. "What, this kitchen? I like it because it's home, I guess, but I never thought there was anything very edifyiu' about it." "Oh, I don't mean the kitchen par ticularly, though it's nice aud homey, but just look out," and Patty put down her dish-towel and stepped to the door to feast her eyes on what lay before. The hillside with its orchard of bloom, the rough stone wall, the well in the foreground, all appealed to the girl's innate love of the beautiful. "It's a perfect picture," she ex claimed; "Milly must come here on her wedding trip, but it won't look the same iu the fall, will it. Auntie?" "Not exactly; I always thought my self them peach blows was a sight worth seeiu'," admitted Aunt Sheba, not without a certain satisfaction that her surroundings should find favor in the eyes of her city-bred niece on this her first visit to the farm. Patty had come to the country for a stay of several months preparatory to settling down as homemaker in Mil dred's place when the latter Bhould be married. . "Be just as much of a little girl as you can," her father had said in parting, and Patty was glad to lay aside her dignity, aud forget the weight of her eighteen years. There was a freshness and freedom about the coun try life that charmed the girl a lack of conventionality in those whom she met most refreshing to the town-bred maiden. Patty had been at thehomestead but a short time wheu a chauge seemed to uome over the house. The sun loooked into the best room every day instead of once a week; the chairs had a more in viting look drawn away from the wall and arranged with less military pre cision, while applo blossoms bloomed indoors as well as out. Nor was the girl's influence confined to one room. Iu the kitchen, Aunt Shoba found dish washing a pleasure with Patty's nim ble fingers to help, anr Patty's tongue making a lively accompaniment to the rattle of plates and cups, while Uncle Eph took a new pride iu his posses sions since a certain little figure, crowned with a large straw hat, often aocouipauied him on his rounds about the farm, and never failed to be inter ested in what she saw. Uncle Eph was a jolly, good-natured man, with a genial warmth of manner that won him many friends; some one had onue said that "when Eph Hawley wa'u't niukin' jokes himself, you could depeud ou't he was laughing at some body else's." No one knew better than his wife, however, that underneath this fun-loving exterior lay'a substratum of deep and tender fiaaJPhg.uid when he culled her 'mother' she kuew that he felt particularly tender toward her. She knew he was thinking of the time, years before, when their home had been brightened for a few short months by the presence of a baby girl, who had never learned to speak the word so deur to a mother's heart. It was Uucle Eph'B delicate way of show ing his sympathy for his wife after they had ceased to openly mourn their loss; it was his Iohs as well, but he felt that her sorrow was the greater. wmm Yes, Annt Sheba was lonelv at times, and Fotty's ooming had infused a new brightness into all her life. How heartily she echoed her husband's wish that they might keep her! but she knew it was impossible; all she could hope for was to so win the girl's affection as to make a yearly visit possible. Was Patty fond of her? She longed inexpressibly to be attractive in the girl's eves. And one thing stood in the way. How could the girl love au old woman like her? For Patty loved beautiful things, aud she could never bu beautiful. Those words of her niece so thoughtlessly spoken often recurred to her mind. "It wonld weich on mv snirits to Hv with anyone downright homely." Was she "downright homely?" In her self-depreciation Aunt Sheba felt that she was. She was old and wrinkled and gray, and then her skin! She had never thought much of it be fore, but how very dark and brown it looked beside Patty s fresh complex ion! But there was one thing she could do fix up a little like Uncle Eph. He never came to the table now with his shirt sleeves rolled up, and only once since Patty had been a mem ber of the family the day that Hi Jennings got the beBt of him tradin' off the cow and got him sorter worked up only that once had he forgot to put on his necktie. This resolve once taken, Aunt Sheba determined to lose no time, rnd the next day found her turning over the contents of a box, bits of finery, treasures of hor youug days, in search of something that might make her more pleasing to her niooe. She smiled as she turned over the bits of ribbon and lace, for each had a story connected with it. This pink bow, for instance, bow well She remembered the first time she had worn itl Ephraim had told her he would rather look at her than at any other girl he knew, so the bit of pink ribbon had been cherished as marking the begin ning of their little romance. "No, I can't put that on," said Annt 8heba to herself. "Piuk is a color for young folks, sorter bright aud rosy like them. But there must be some thing in here that'll do." The next minute she laid a trembling hand on a crushed red rose, the sight of which called up a flood of tender memories. "How the baby did act that day! If the minister hadn't come all the way from .Five Corners just to baptize her, we wouldn't V had it done. She wouldn't stay with her pa, so I had to hold her all the time, and Ephraim stood there lookin so awkward, and feeliu' awkward, too, he told me after w ards, with nothiu' in his hands and nothin' would pacify her but the rose in my bonnet, and she kep a-plavin with it and pulliu' it, till just at the most solemn moment, when the minis ter laid his baud on her head and be gan 'Elizabeth, I baptize thee;' she jerked away from him and gave a great pull at the rose, and when I looked at her she had the whole thing in her hand; it was a wonder I had a bit of a bounet left on my head. How every body laughed, aud Ephraim told me I had roses in my checks if I didn't have them on my bead. And Aunt Sheba smiled as she wiped hor eyes which had grown dim at sight of the torn rose, so vividly calling to mind the baby Elizabeth, whose early death bad left a void in her life, which noth ing had ever seemed to fill. "Just think, she'd been almost as big as Patty. Well, there's no use in repinin'. I won't look at these things any longer. I've got Ephraim, and I'll be thankful for him, and for Patty, too, while sho's here. If she'd only come every summer, I'd 'most feel as if I had a daughter of my own. I be lieve I'll put on this lace collar of mother's she used to look nice in it and this pin that Ephraim gave me so long ago. There, that does look better. If I cau only please Patty, I'll be satisfied. " Aunt Sheba replaced her treasures, aud went out to prepare supper and see what the effect of her experiment would be. She was more than satisfied with Patty's, "How nice yon look, Auntie!" aud Uncle Eph'a look of approval as he took his seat at the table. After that many little improvements were noticeable in Aunt Sheba's dress, while she aud her looking-glass were on terms of greater intimacy than they had been for years, as the needed its assistance daily iu the ad justment of the various collars and bows that now formed a part of her afternoon toilet. But the mirror reflected not only the pretty aud becoming neckwear, but also held up to view all her defects, chief of which was the complexion that was a source of uo little anxiety to Aunt Sheba. It seemed to-grow more muddy each day, aud if she herself noticed it so much, how very disagree able it must appear to Patty. It was with a resolve to try to remedy this that Aunt Sheba one hot day iu early July found herself iu the one drug store of Brownville, a little village about two miles from the farm where Auut Sheba did her shopping. "Good morniu', Mis' Hawley," said the clerk affably as she entered. "What cau I do for you to-day? Homethiu' for the skin? Yes'm, certaiuly; was down to the city last week aud brought up some new goods. This is Creain U' Buses; sounds as if it ought to be good, aud make auy one fine comple ted, but they told me tho best thing iu the world for tau an' freckles is this here Beautifier. Just the thing for your niece, though, 'pou my word, shouldu't think she needed anything o' the sort, but them city girls eau't stand a freckle or two like country folks. Aud the youug man rattled on volubly, while Aunt Sheba stood in great distress at this allusion to her niece, for her honest soul revolted at anything like deception. Seeing her confusion, he. hastened to her assistance. "S'pose these things ain't quite in your line, Mis' Hawley, but if I were you I'd take the Beautifier; you don't have to use so much of it, only two or three times a week, and 'one applica tion will last for several days,' " con cluding with a quotation from the wrapper. "Well, I guess this'll do; if it don't suit " "She can try the other. Any time she comes down I'll be happy to show her anything I've got," and he deftly wrapped np the Beautifier, at the same time 'Wondering what was the matter with Mrs. Hawley that Bhe should be bo unlike herself. She waited to give no explanation, however, but slipping the precious package iuto the depths of her capa cious pocket, Aunt Sheba hurried homeward. It was nearly twelve o'clock when she reached home, almost time for the midday meal which Patty had undertaken to prepare for the first time herself. The girl was not in tho house when her aunt arrived, so Mrs. Hawley proceeded at once to her bed room. What better time could she have to surprise them? Could any thing be more opportune? Their posi tions were reversed. Patty was play ing cook; sue would play the lady. With eager fingers Bhe drew from her pocket the package, unfastened the wrapper, disclosing a small round box, very insignificant looking, but of so much importance to the woman who turned it round and round, and read the directions curiously. They were very simple "Apply evenly with a soft cloth." "I'm glad it ain't hard to fix any one could do that. Guess I can see well enough without opening the blinds and lettin' tho flies in." And soon she was absorbed in her work of covering the objectionable skin with the preparation which, as it dried, formed a coating of white on the dark features. "What a difference it does make, to bo sure!" thought Aunt Sheba, con templating the unfamiliar face. "I wish it didn't look sostrikin', though; makes me appear sorter ghastly, but I guess I ain't used fo it. that's all my skin is so dreadful dark. Patty's used to fair-complected people; it won't look that way to her." With bands that trembled like ex citement, she changed the dusty dress for a fresh ono, fastened her lace col lar and stopped back to look at her self. In the semi-darkness of the room she saw a little woman in black, with aoftly-waving gray hair, and a pair of dark, bright eyes in strange contrast to the white face. Aunt Sheba began to feel queer. She hoped the change iu her appearance would not be so noticeable to tho others as it was to herself, but she brightened as she thought that the chauge was cer tainly in her favor, and, with this comforting thought in mind, she went boldly out to find her niece. "Why, Auntie, when did you get back? I didn't hear yon come in. I must have boon out at the well. But how pale you are!" exclaimed the eirl. looking at her auut through a veil of steam rising from the dish of potatoes in her hand. "Don't you feel well? That long walk must have been too much for you. Uncle Eph says it is such a hot day I" and Putty put down the potatoes and anxiously approached her aunt. Aunt Sheba's faint protest that she was well, was lost in Uucle Eph's nearty voice exclaiming: "What have you beeu doin' to your self, Sheba? You're the color of the fence Job's been wliitewashin'. and I declare, I believe that's just what you've been a-doin -white washm'," for his keen eyes had caught sight of the dividing liue between the face and the neck still brown, which Aunt She ba, in her ignorance of cosmetics, had not thought to cover. "Well, well, Patty, we are gettin' gay since youve been here. I thought I was fixin' up considerable, puttin' on a necktie every day, but ywir aunt beats me," and Uncle Eph went off in to peal after peal of laughter iu which the girl could not but join, until a sound from Aunt Sheba ohecked them both a sob which she vainly tried to repress. Her husband's fun, though well meant, was too much for the over wrought nerves of the poor woman. All the love aud longing, hope and fear of the past few months found vent in tears, while sobs shook her from head to foot. Uucle Eph was not a little'surprised and alarmed at this display of emo tion. "What is the matter, mother? I didn't menu to hurt your feelin's; 'twas only my jokiu'; you never miuded it before. " Aunt Sheba struggled to speak, but her words came brokeuly. "No daughter wanted Patty to care for me so ugly," Uncle Eph comprehended in a min ute. "Poor little motherl" he thought. "And me staudin' here makiu' fuu of her. I feel as meau as can be. I guess I won't say anything more now, but wait a spell till things clears up a little." "There, dou't take on so, Sheba," he said aloud, "I'm goiu' out to the burn a bit," aud he added face tiously, "There's one good thing about that there powder, you only have to use it once iu a lifetime," but the words were aocouipauied by a gentle put ou the shoulder, which went farther to comfort his wife than anything he could have said. "Whut do you meau, Auut Sheba?" exclaimed Patty anxiously as soon as Uncle Eph's stout figure had disap peared. "I'm sure I never thought you were 'ugly,' but the dearest and best auntie iu the world." Auut Sheba tried to explain, aud in a moment Putty's arms were round her neck aud Patty's voice, full of re morse, was exclaiming: "To think that I should have giveu you ao much trouble by my foolish talk!" aud the girl's tears mingled with those of the woman, at thought of the pain she had so unconsciously giveu. There is no telling how long they would have sat thus, had not Aunt Sheba, just at this touching moment, suddenly raised to view a face "that was too much for Tatty' even in her contrite mood. Tears had washed away the powder in little streaks from the cheeks, Patty's kisses had taken off another spot from the forehead, and poor Aunt Sheba's face presented a mottled and spotted appearance that was very comical. "Oh, Aunt Sheba, do come and wash that stuff off; it makes you look so funny," said Tatty, laughing in spite of herself. "Well, child, I may's well, and I don't know but what it's done its work well after all, since it helped me to find out what I wanted to know all the time, that your old aunt wasn't so ugly, but what you could learn to like her." Patty's answer must have pleased her auut wonderfully, for she bright ened up at once, and was soon at work with soap and water trying to remove all trace of the cosmetic that had had such a different effect from what she had expected. "There, child, I guess it's off now, ain't it?" said Aunt Sheba after a few minutes' vigorous rubbing; and she turned to her niece a face that could never appear homely, for love, the great beautifier, glorified the plain features, and the brown skin was for gotten in the light that shone in the dark eyes, telling of a kind heart and beautiful soul within. The House wife. A MESSAGE ON AN ECG. It Resulted In an Oklahoma Farmer's Marrying a Chicago Girl. "On a farm in the Cherokee strip I sit a Bad and lonely bachelor, thinking sadly over my fate and would love to come off the nest aud join my life with that of some comely young lady of not too many summers' growth. Should the message ou this egg meet the eye of some fair one who is matrimonially inclined ou short acquaintance, and who thiuks. she would enjoy a prairie life with a student of nature's beauty, address Boss Williams, Enid, Ok." Such was the love-lorn message written by Ross AVilhams on an egg which he shipped to market. In due time this reply came: "Dear Mr. Williams: From the quiet precincts of my boudoir I write thee. I am lonely, too, and have often longed to quit city life and go West, where the tall wild grass sways in the wind as if listeniug to the songs of chiucb bugs. I was about to break au egg iuto a pan wheu your message met my gaze. It seemed like a dream of a lost, unknown love. Perhaps our fates would trot along together. I am comely, but not so fair. Age, twenty three, no money, but plenty of grit. Let us exchange photographs. It may all end in another American union, long to be preserved. Methinks I know you now. Bessie Carroll, Chi cago 111." They were married a few weeks ago. Genesis of the Mutch Industry In America. The first manufactory of friction matches was located iu the centre of the Connecticut Valley, iu the historio oommunity knowu as Chicopee Street. The principle of this invention had been thought out in Europe, but bright Yankee iniuds were quick to catch the idea from across the water, aud the manufacture progressed as rapidly here as there. The credit for this iuventiou is probably due to John Walker, a chemist, who lived in Eng land in Stockton-on-Tees. He was experimenting with chlorate of potash, and found that it could be instantly ignited by friction, when coated on a stick with phosphorus and drawn through folded saudpaper. This dis covery was made iu 1829, and the at tention of Michael Faraday being called to the new idea, it soon became popular, and the manufacture was started uearly simultaneously in Eu rope and America. The first factory for the making of friction matches ou si large scale is stated to have been es tablished in Vienna iu 1833, but the factory on Chicopee street was run ning nearly as early as this, if not be fore. Springfield (Mass.) Republican. Seed Blown Out of the Ground. A terrific storm swept over the Ar kansas valley in southwestern Kansas the other day. The wind blew at the rate of forty miles an hour. The great valley.'whioh averages ten miles wide, is iu a bed of Baud, aud passengers who arrived ou the trains from that section to-night say people were driveu to their homes for protection against a cloud of dust and sand which no hu man beiug could face. Many farmers will have to replant their coru. The storm was so violent that corn planted two inches under grouud was blown with the dust and sand for miles, while the irrigation ditches are full. Engineers could not see ten feet ahead of them, and win dows and ventilators iu the curs were closed to protect ihe pusseugers from beiug smothered. St. Louis Repub lic. A I're Fracllo. Ntopped. Aunouuceuient of deaths among th Parsees, according to immemorial cus tom, are made iu Parsee streets, by Parsee criers, who are specially eu gaged for the purpose, preference be iug giveu to those who have powerful lungs. The uum r of Parsee deaths beiug uuuBiially large at present, and it beiug deemed unwise to make these frequeut announcements, which might alarm the nervous, the practice has beeu discontiuued for the present by order of the trustees of the Parsee Punchayet Charitable Fuud. To Make Faner Flrvpntof. To make fireproof puper nothing more is necessary, says Hardware, thau to saturate it iu a strung solu tion of alum water, and wfheu thor oughly dry it will resist the action f flumes, . A THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE, STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. A Clever I.ad Literal No Honpe Had Been . There Xon-Hntted HU Keren, trenth Question A Drawhuk-Bettel Than He F.xpecteri Still Fnnny, Etc. The boy stood on the burning deck Til) all but him had fled. And then he put the Are out. And went and cruised ahead. And when he'd had enough of that He sailed Into the slip, And got a thousand dollars down As salvage on the ship. Harper's Bazar. Literal. The Rescuer "How did your come to fnll in?" The Rescued "I didn'tcome to fall in, I came to fish." Harper's Week- iy. HI. Seventeenth Question. Little Clarence "Pa?" Mr. Callipers "Well, my son?" Little Clarence "Is postage-stamp collecting a profession or a disease?" Pnck. Has Been There. The Tramp "Can you tell me how I can get some work, sir?" Tho Citizen (crustily) "Yes; buy a bicycle, and try to keep it clean!" Yonkers Statesmau. Non.Sulted. Brown "Did you ever try that tailor I recommended to yon?" Green "Yes. Too expensive. Got two suits from him one dress suit, one law Buit!" Punch. No 8eope. "I bought little Tommy a trumpet because he was so lonely, but he did not seem pleased." "Well, no; you see his old grand mother is stone deaf." Pick-Me-Up. The Brute. Mrs. Hoon "Why do you persist iu referring to the folding-bed as 'he?' Why isn't it just as appropriate to call it 'she' bb it is a ship?" Old Hoon "Because it Bhuts up oc casionally. " Judge. A Drawback. He "I'd willingly go round the world for your sake." She "I wouldn't like that." "Why not?" "In that case you'd come back to where you started from." Hotel Kates. Hewitt "I had a nightmare the last time I was at that hotel." Jewett "What of it?" Hewitt "I foolishly mentioned it to the clerk the next morning and he charged me for the use of one horse." Suspicion. Advantage. "The rooms are rather Bmall," said the prospective boarder. "The advantage of that," said the hotel-keeper complacently, "is that not so much fresh nir is required to keep them cool." Philadelphia North Americau. Not Lost. Traveler (to the driver on fording the river) "Has anyone ever been lost in this Btream?" Driver "No, Birl" Sam Mason was drowned here last spring, but they found him again after looking for two weeks." Judge. Better Than Ha Expected. "The question is," said the Turkish Minister, "how much indemnity Greece will pay." "Is that it?" asked Abdul Hamid, cheerfully. "I thought the question was how much indemnity Greece would owe." Puck. Htlll Funny. Mr. Twynti "The romance of Mo Bride's honeymoon lingers still, al though he has beeu married five years. " Mr. Triplett "How do you know?" Mr. Twynn "He jokes with his wife about her millinery bills." Personally Interested. Weary "Dis arbor-day tree pluut in' is gittiu ter be a great t'iug." Haggles "Yes; an' I'm opposed ter it, too." Weary "W'y?" Raggles "W'y? Jes1 t'uk nv do snap we 'ud hev gittiu' meals ef wood wuz too skeerce ter be used ez fuel." -Judge. Til. Kullng 1'a.sluu. The fine will be throe dollars and costs," announced the Polico Magis trate. "I'm willing to make it ten dollars and costs, 'Squire," said the scorcher, "if you'll have it entered ou the printed record that I was going twen ty miles au hour and my machine was a Greased Lightning, geared to eighty four." Chicago Tribuue. At th. FrlMin. Fair Visitor "Poor fellow I Aud what brought you here?" Mike (the slugger) "It wuz all be cuz of dut unlucky number t'irteeu, uiiss." Fair Visitor "Indeed? Do tell me how!" Mike (the slugger) "Well, you see, miss, dore wuz do jury, twelve, au de jedge made t'irteeu." Judge. rirkrrel swallowed by Snake. G. W. l'lutt, who is employed as salesman at E. S. Huut's furniture store, at Essex, Conn., while out for a stroll ueur fiat rock at the factory pond saw a large water snuke come out of the wuter aud cruwl upon a rock ou the bunk. Mr. l'lutt killed the snake with a blow from a stick. Ou looking closely he saw a fish iu the snake's mouth. He pulled it out and it proved to be a good-sized pickerel, which came to life wheu he put it iu the water. The snake was over five feet long. NIGHT. How colorless the sky and dreari. Whleh wore by day a smile o bright! The clouds, as If of tears aweary, Like beggars mute sweep through the night. Their little heads the flowers bang sleeping; Not e'en ono leaf moves on the tree; Only the waves, to my feet creeping, Exchange soft kisses dreamily. The forest stands In deepest silence, The birds have long since ceaned to sing: But falnly, from the ghostly distance, The breeze a bell's low note doth bring, Upon tho moss In worship blissful I kneel; my tears like dewdrop. fall. Oh, holy nights, calm, starless, peaceful. How fervently I love ye all! Johanna Ambroslus. HUMOR OF THE DAY. "I can't buy the bicycle. It's too heavy." "Well, I'll throw in a lamp. Thot'll moke it lighter." Standard. - Miss Wantokno "What did you think of Niagara Falls?" Miss In tense "O, they are simply too quaint for anything." Truth. "There's one consolation about in somnia," remarked the sufferer. "What is that?" "While I lie awake I don't have nightmare." Judge. . "One gets a certain finish abroad, I fancy." "Yes, one goes over there, and they tell her she can't sing, and that's the end of her." Detroit Jour nal. It has a tendency to weaken ' one's faith in human nature when one sees the apothecary shaking hands effusively with one's physician. Boston Tran script. "Too bad about Wellington getting killed by a live wire." "Wasn't it, though? Hereditary, however. His father was killed by lightning." Cin cinnati Enquirer. May "I wouldn't break my heart over the best man in the world. " Cha peron "Certainly not, dear. It is over the worst man that girls break their hearts." Truth. She "Are you sure you will like married life as well as you do the club?" He "Oh, yes!" She "And are you so awfully fond of your club?" He "Not very." London Tid-Bits. "What is the matter with the India rubber man? He is using dreadful language," said the fat lady. "It'a raining hard, and he can't find his goloshes," said the skeleton dude. Harper's Bazar. Bakon "Do yon think the race is degouerating?" Shikspur "Well, when I look back to my young days " Bakon "Oh, I didn't meau anything personal! I referred to the ruco generally." "Why are all the boys dodging?" "Because the teacher is about to throw the ruler at bad Tommy." "Then why doesn't Tommy dodge?" "Be cause the teacher is goiug to throw at Tommy." Truth. "Hello! old man, how are you?" "Wretched! wretched! I've had an at tack of the grippe, aud it's left me so weak I can hardly crawl." "What do you want to crawl for? Why don't 11. nil T-.- 1- you wui&r mi's. Lawyer "I am afraid I can't do much for you. They seem to have conclusive evidence that you committed the burglory." Client "Cau't you object to the evidence as immaterial and irrelevant?" London Tid-Bits. Mrs. Henpeck "Young Mrs. Bag ley, who was married on last Thurs day, tells me her husband left almost immediately for the West on a busi ness trip." Henpeck (viciously) "Yes, he writes me that he finds mar ried life a very happy existence." Philadelphia North American. Patient "Isn't it a little dangerous to administer anesthetics? Must be terrible to have one die iu your chair after you have given him ether." Den tist "Yes; it was for that reason that we adopted a rule that where an anes thetic is administered the patient must pay iu advance." Boston Transcript. A poor Irishman on his death-bed was consoled by a friend by the com monplace reflection that "We must all die once." "Why, dear, now," cried the Hick man, "aud isu't that what vexes me? If I could die half a dozen times, I would not miud it for this waust." Loudon Household Words. A judge, wheu on circuit iu the West lutely, iu delivering the charge to the Grand Jury, said: "Geutlemeu, you have heard the evidence. The indictment says the prisoner was ar rested for stealing pigs. The offense seems to be getting a conimou one. The time is oomiug wheu this must be put a stop to; otherwise, gentlemen, Mja ulmll mitiA nf un Km aufM M Ktunt. urd. f Fluwers and r.rfumea. There is a century plant at the White House which is knowu to be seventy years old. It has recently taken a fresh start iu growing, and the White House gardener says it will bloom in August. The central stalk is now shooting up at the rate of five feet iu six weeks. Perfumes exercise a peculiar influ ence over one's uervous system. A faint, subtle odor is nearly always euervutiug, while a pungent, rich per fume often has a bracing effect. Civet induces drowsiness, a faint breath oi musk invigorates, aud the perfume of the aloe aud the citron is positively soothing aud comforting. The delicate, spicy odors of pinks, caruutious, apuje r blossoms aud sweet briar ure thought to be beneficial. New York Tribune. How Oue Bunk U Itun. It is a pretty tough Btory for a paper to tell ou its owu tow n, but this does uot seem to have occurred to the Digh ton Herald, which says that a mau went into the local bunk to get a check cushed aud had to wait until the bank er aud a frieud finished a game ol checkers. Every silver dollar in thi institution was beiug used as a check ermau. Kansas City (Mo.) Journal. J.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers