iiiu ruiesi nupuuiLuiu Fore RATES OF ADVERTlSTnT" la pnblUho.1 every W.tdn t Iiy, by J. E. WENK. Office In Brnearbmgh & Co.'i Building ELM STREET, TIONESTA, TA. UBLICAN On Square, on. Ineh, on. insertion..! On. Hfiiir 0110 Inch, on month. ., On. Buuare. on. inch, three month. . One Square, one inch, on. year I W(l Kfllt.rM nnm v&a I 00 ROD ft 00 1000 l.Kni Quarter Column. one, year. ...'.'.'."....! frltt) Half Column, one year .. W00 Un. Column, on. year 100 (W I-?al advertisement ten cent, par line each insertion. Marriages and deth notice. gratis. All htllsforyearlyadvertisemente collected quarterly Temporary advertisements must be paid in advanc. Job work cash on deliver-. Termt, Ko subscription rxcoved for a shorter period thnn thruo month. Correspondence soli.jite I fro'n nil parts of th country. No notloe will be I alien ol anonymous oounnunlo.ulous. VOL. XXX. NO. 10. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, AUG. 4, 1897. S1.00 PER ANNUM. Rep The Connecticut Legislature passed At its Inte session a law requiring the tine of Buck inks only on public rec ords as lire approved by the Secretary of State. The law went into effect on July 1, and a penalty of 8100 i pro vided for violation of the act. Counterfeiting Las got to suck a pitck iu the City of Mexico that the government has determined to insti tute reforms in the coinage of silver. The work on the new coins is to be fin or, and other devices will be adopted in order to make counterfeiting a "hard proposition. " Paris is a law unto itself in fads as well as in other directions. For in stance, the fashionable ink thero, ut present, is violet color. Some men use a golden ink, It is a favorite plan to use several inks of varied hues in writing a letter. This is thought to bo particularly fetching. The Epworth League of the North em Methodist Church is a little more than seven years old, but in that short time it has grown from n feeble organ ization into a mighty army. It now has 17,534 chapters, containing an aggregate of nearly two millions of members, and the Epworth Herald, the organ of the League, has 105, 000 subscribers. The idea that a country has only one National flag is almost universal, but generally wrong. For example, Great Britain, her colonies and depen dencies, have 118. Russia comes next with thirty-two and the German Empire follows with twenty-five. The United States is content with seven teen, Hpaiu with five, Turkey with three and Uruguay with two'. Mr. John Usher, of Norton, who has given $10,000 toward the foundation of a Chair of Public Health in Edin burgh University, once provoked Mr. Gladstone into exclaiming: "I am responsible for the understanding that the Almighty has beeu pleased to lodge in this ekull of mine, but I am not re sponsible for tho understanding that the Almighty has been pleased to lodge in that skull of yonrs." ' TheStuteof Alabama lacks a picture of Governor Israel Pickens to com plete its collection of portraits of those who have tilled the executive chair. Put there is a report current that an oil painting of Governor Pick ens used to ornament the cabin of an old-ttmo river packet that bore his name, and au effort is being made to dis cover its present whereabouts if still extant. Governor Pickens was elected in 182C. London Invention says that Presi deut Wilde, of the Manchester Literary and Philosophical Society, has offered to tne l rencu Acauouiy oi science a sum of $27,500, with a view of found ing an annual prize to be awarded to the author of a discovery or of a de serving book on astronomy, physics, chemistry, mineralogy, geology or mechanics. He makes his handsome gift in consideration of tho numerous advantages reaped by him from French science, pure as well as applied. According to au act of the House of Lords some six years ago, a man has a right to bring his old family pew into the newly built church of his parish, that he may sit iu the seat of his fathers. In consequence of this law a handsome English church finds itself in great distress. The graceful build ing has recently been restored in the most approved style at the cost of about $50,000, aud one of the mem bers of the cougregutiou has insisted in thrusting his unsightly family pew iu the midst of all this beauty. As the pew is ahuge.ru Jo, box-like affair, the vicar is iu great distress aud has tailored iu vain to argue the trouble some layman into a more reasonable state of iniud. $ Harvard College raised money by a lottery as late as 1800. Iu that year it offered for sale 20,000 tickets at $5 ouch, the prizes ranging from $15,000 'iuiiu to $7. The prospectus issued : tuted that "iu the above scheme the just .expectations of the publick, aud the interest of the Uui"ursity, have been consulted. It is worthy the at tention of adventurers, that the high est prize is nearly double in value to any that has beeu drawn iu this Com monwealth for many years pust, though the usual price of tickets is preserved. The Managers solicit the patronage of the publick in general, and of the friends of Literature and the Univers ity iu particular; aud, considering the object of the Lottery, they will com bine the prospect of gaiu with the oeriuiuty of benefitting the University, 'liid by lending their aid to the means tLJl' education, will promote the best in terests of their country." If Fiction TRIFLES. What will It matter iu a little while That turn riny We mat and gave a word, a touch, a smile Lpon the way? What will It matter wliother hearts were brave And lives were trim; That you gave me the Bympatby I crave, As gnvo you.' These trifles! Can It bo they make or mar A human life? Are souls as lightly swayed as rushes are uy love or striiey Yet, yen! a look the falntlutr heart may break, Or make It whole; And Just one word, It said for love's sweet sake, May save a soul. May Klley Smith. :ioie!oieiicicia j AUNT SHEBA'S BEAUTIFIER. l By CLARA 0DELL LYON. ' ILDRED doesn't change a bit," said ev I 1'atty, carefully " 5y. polishing off the glass bowl she was wiping, "only she gets prettier every day. Really, Aunt Shena, she is love ly, aud I'm not the only one who thinks so. I'm so glad she is," the girl went on, "for I love to look at pretty things, and it would positivelyjwoigh on my spirits to live with anyone who was downright homely. Not that I have auy beauty myself, she added, with a glance at tho little mirror over the mantle. "Who would ever think we are sisters? Here's an inventory of my charms Item one, pug nose; item two, green- gray eyes; item three, what papa calls my 'peaeheB-aud-cream complexion it wouldn't be bad if it were not for tho freckles, and I suppose that I shall have more thau ever now that I'm out in the country." "Never miud the freckles, child they's real beeomin' whon you've only got a few kinder like so many beauty spots. Patty laughed gaily. "I'm so glad you think so, but talk iug of beauty, what a delicious place this is!" It was Auut Sheba's turn to laugh "What, this kitchen? I like it because it's homo, I guess, but I never thought there was anything very edifyin' about it," "Oh, I don't mean the kitchen par ticularly, though it's nice and homey, but juBt look out," and Putty put down her dish-towel and stepped to the door to feast her eyes ou what lay before The hillside with its orchard of bloom the rough stone wall, the well in the foreground, all appealed to the girl innate love of the beautiful. Its a perfect picture, sue ex claimed;. "Milly must come here on her wedding trip, but it wou't look the same in the fall, will it, Auutie?" "Not exactly; I always thought my self them peach blows was a sight worth seem', admitted Aunt Sheba, not without a certain satisfaction that her surroundings should find fuvor in the eyes of her city-bred niece ou this her hrst visit to the farm. Patty had come to the country for a stay of several months preparatory to settling down as homemaker in Mil dred's place when the latter should be married. . "Bo just as much of a little girl as you can," her father had said in parting, and Patty was glad to lay uside her dignity, aud forget the weight of her eighteen years, lucre was i freshness and freedom about the couu try life that charmed the girl a lack of conventionality in those whom she met most refreshing to the town-bred maiden. Patty had been at the homestead but a short time when a change seemed to ooiueover the house, lue sun loooke into the best room every day instead of once a week ; the chairs had a more in vitiug look drawn away from the wall and arranged with less military pre cisioii, while apple blossoms bloomed indoors us well as out. Nor was the girl's influence confined to one room Iu the kitchen, Auut Sheba found dish washing a pleasure with Putty's nim Lie fingers to help, and Patty's tongue making a lively accompaniment to the rattle of plates aud cups, while Unci .pu took a new pride iu Ms posses sious since a certain little figure, crowned with a large straw hat, often accompanied him on his rounds about the farm, and never failed to be inter ested iu what she saw. Uncle Eph was a jolly, good-nutured muu, with a genial warmth of manner thut won him many friends; some one had uuje said that "when Eph Hawley wa u l niukiu jokes himself, you oould depend on t he wus laughing at some body else's." No one knew better thau his wife, however, thut underneath tui fuu-loving exterior luy'u substratum of deep and tcuder feeling, aud wheu h culled her 'mother' she kuew thut he felt particularly tender toward her She kuew he wus thiukiugof the time yeurs before, when their home ha beeu brightened for a few short mouths by the presence of a baby gir who hud never learned to speak th word so dear to a mother a heart. It was Uncle Eph's delicate way of show ing his sympathy for his wife after they had ceased to openly mourn their loss; it wus his loss as well, but he felt that her sorrow was the greater. if Yes, Aunt Sheba was lonely at ' times, and Putty's ooming had infused new brightness into all her life. How heartily she echoed her husband's wish that they might keep her! but she knew it was impossible; all she could hope for was to bo win the girl's affection as to make a yearly visit possible. Was Patty fond of er? She longed inexpressibly to be attractive in the girl's eyes. And one thing stood in the way. How could the girl love au old woman like her? or Patty loved beautiful things, aud he could never be beautiful. Those ords of her niece so thoughtlessly spoken often recurred to her mind. It would weigh on my spirits to live ith anyone downright homely." Was she "downright homely?" In er self-depreciation Aunt Sheba felt that she was. She was old and wrinkled and gray, and then her skin! She had never thought much of it be fore, but how very dark and brown it looked beside Patty's fresh complex ion! But there was one thing she could do fix up a little like Uncle Eph. He never came to the table now with his shirt sleevos rolled up, and only once since Patty had been a mem ber of tho family the day that Si Jennings got the best of him tradin' off the cow and got him Borter worked up only that once had he forgot to put on his necktie. This resolve once taken, Aunt Sheba determined to lose no time, f.nd the next day found her turning over the contents of a box, bits of finery, treasures of her young days, in search of something that might make her moro pleasing to her niece. She smiled as she turned over the bits of ribbon and lace, for each had a story connected with it. This pmk bow, for instauce, how well fthe remembered the first time she had worn it! Ephraim had told her he would rather look at her than at any other girl he knew, bo the bit of pink ribbon had been cherished as marking the begiu ning of their little romance. No, lean t put that on, said Aunt Sheba to herself. "Pink is a color for young folks, sorter bright aud rosy like them. But there must be some thing in here that'll do." The next minute she laid a trembling hand on a crushed red rose, the sight of which called up a flood of tender memories, "How the baby did act that day! If the minister hadn't come all the way from Five Corners just to baptize her, we wouldn't V had it done. She wouldn't stay with ker pa, so I had to hold her all tho time, aud Ephraim stood there lookin so awkward, and feoliu' awkward, too, he told me after wards, with nothiu' iu his hands aud nothiu' would pacify her but the rose iu my bonnet, nnd she kep a-playin with it and pulliu' it, till just at the most solemn moment, when the minis tor laid his baud on her head and be gan Jiiiizanetu, l baptize tuee; sue jerked away from him and gave a great pull at the rose, aud when I looked at her she had the whole thing in her hand; it was a wonder I had a bit of a bouuet left on my head. How every body laughed, aud Lphrann told me I had roses in my cheeks if I didn have them on my head." And Auut Sheba smiled as she wiped her eyes which had growu dim at sight of the torn rose, so vividly calling to nnn the baby Elizabeth, whose early death had left a void in her life, which uotu ing had ever seemed to fill. "Just thiuk, she d beeu almost as big as Patty. Well, there's uo use in repinin'. I won't look at these things any longer. I've got Ephraim, and I'll be thankful for him, and for Patty, too, while she's here. If she'd only come every summer, I'd 'most feel as if I had a daughter of my own. I be lieve I'll put ou this lace collar of mother's she used to look nice in it aud this pin that Ephraim gave me so long ago. There, that does look better. H I can only please Patty, I'll be satisfied. " Aunt Sheba replaced her treasures, aud went out to prepare supper and see what the effect of her experiment would be. She was more than satisfied with Patty's, "How nice you look, Auutie! and Uncle Eph i look of approval as he took his seat at the table. After that many little improvement were noticeable iu Aunt Sheba' dress, while she aud her looking-glass were ou terms of greater intimacy than they had beeii for years, as the ueeded its assistance daily iu the ad justuient of the various collars and bows that now formed a part of her afternoon toilet. But the mirror reflected notouly the pretty aud becoming neckwear, but also held up to view all her defects, chief of which was the complexion thut was a source of no little anxiety to Auut Sheba. It seemed to-grow more muddy each day, aud if she herself noticed it so much, how very disagree able it must appear to Patty. It was with a resolve to try to remedy this that Auut Sheba one hot day in eurly July found herself in the one drug store of Browuville, a little village about two miles from the farm wher Aunt Sheba did her shopping. "Good morniu', Mis' Hawley," said the clerk affably as she entered. "What can I do for you to-day? Somethiu for the skin? Yes'm, certainly; was down to the city lust week nnd brough up some new goods. This is Cream O' Ruses: sounds as if it ought to be good, aud make any one fine comple ted, but they told me the best thing l the world for tan an' freckles is this here Beuutifier. Just the thiug for your niece, though, pou my word shouldn't think she needed anythin o the Bort, but them city girls can stand a freckle or two like country folks. And the young mau ruttled ou volubly, while Aunt nhelia stood greut distress at this allusion to her uiece, lor Her nouest soul revolted anything like deception. Seeiug her confusion, he. hastened to her assistuuee. "S'pose these things ain't quite your line, Mis' Hawley, but if I wer you I'd take the Beautifler; you don't ave to use so much of it, only two or three times a week, and 'one appliea- lon will last for several davs, con cluding with a quotation from the rapper. "Well, I guess this'll do; if it don't suit " "She enn try the other. Any time ho conies down I'll be happy to show er anything I ve got, and he deftly rapped up the Beautifler, at the same time vondering what was the matter with Mrs. Hawley that she should be so unlike herself. She waited to give no explanation, owever, but supping toe precious ackage into the depths of her capa cious pocket, Aunt Sheba hurried homeward. It was nearly twelve 'clock when she reached home, almost time for the midday meal which Patty had undertaken to prepare for the first time herself. The girl was not in the house when her aunt arrived, so Mrs. Hawley proceeded at once to her bed room. What better time could she have to surprise them? Could any thing be more opportune? Their posi tions were reversed. Patty was play ing cook; she would play the lady. With eager fingers Bhe drew from her pocket the package, uufustened the wrapper, disclosing a small round box, very insignificant looking, but of so much importance to the woman who turned it round and round, and read the directions curiously. They were very simple "Apply evenly with a soft cloth." "I'm glad it ain't hard to fix auy one could do that, liuess I can see well enough without opening the blinds and lettin' the flies in." And soon she was absorbed in ker work of covering the objectionable skin with the preparation which, as it dried, formed a coating of white on the dark features. "What a difference it does make, to bo sure!" thought Aunt Sheba, con templatiug the unfamiliar face. "I wish it didn't look sostrikin', though; makes me appear sorter ghastlv, but I guess I ain't used Jo it. that's all my skin is so dreadful dark. Patty b used to fuir-complccted people: it won't look that way to ker." With hands that trembled like ex citement, she changed the dusty dress for a fresh one, fastened her lace col lar and stepped back to look at her self. In the semi-darkness of the room she saw a little woman iu black, with Boftly-wnving gray hair, and pair of dark, bright eyes iu strange contrast to the white face. Aunt Sheba began to feel queer. She hoped the chungo iu her appearance would not be bo noticeable to the others as it was to herself, but she brightened as she thought that the change was cor tainly iu her favor, aud, with this comforting thought in mind, she went boldly out to fiud her niece. "Why, Auntie, when did you get back? I didn t hear yon come iu. must have beon out at the well. But how pale you are!" exclaimed the girl, looking at her aunt through a veil of steam rising from the dish of potatoes in her hand. "Don't you feel well? That long walk must have been too much lor you. uncle tpu says it is such a hot day!" aud rutty put down the potatoes and anxiously approached her aunt. Auut Sheba's faint protest that she was well, was lost in Uncle Eph's hearty voice exclaiming: "What have you been doin to your self, Sheba? You're the color of the fence Job's been wkitewashin', and declare, I believe that's just what you've been a-doiu'-whitewashiu',' for his keen eyes had caught sight of the dividing line between the face and the neck still brown, wkick Aunt She ba, iu ker ignorance of cosmetics, kad not thought to oover. "Well, well, Patty, we are gettin gay since you've beeu here. I thought I was fixiu up considerable, puttin'on a necktie every day, but your aunt beats me," and Uncle Eph went off in to peal after peal of laughter iu which the girl could not but loin, until Bound from Aunt Sheba checked them both a sob which she vaiuly tried to repress. Her husband s fun, though well meant, was too much for the over wrought nerves of the poor woman All the love and longing, hope and fear of tke past few mouths found vent iu tears, while sobs shook her from head to foot. Uncle Eph was not a little surprised aud alarmed at this display of emo tion. "Whut is the matter, mother? didn't mean to hurt your feeliu's; 'twas only my jokiu'; you never miuded it before." Auut Sheba struggled to speak, but her words came brokenly. "No daughter wanted Potty to care for me so ugly," Uucle Eph comprehended in a min ute. "Poor little mother!" he thought "Aud me staudiu' here makiu' fun of her. I feel as mean as can be guess I won't say anything more now but wait a spell till things clears up little. mere, uon t take ou so Shebu," he said aloud, "I'm goiu' out to the burn a bit, aud he added face tiously, "There's oue good thing about that there powder, you ouly have to use it once iu a lifetime," but tli words were accompanied by a geutle put on the shoulder, which went further to comfort his wife thau anything he could have said. "Whut do you mean, Aunt Sheba?' excimuieii i any anxiously us soon as Uncle Eph's stout figure had dlnap peured. "I'm sure I never thought you were 'ugly,' but the dcrj-est aud best auutie in the world." Auut Sheba tried to explain, and in a moment Putty's arms were round her neck and Putty's voice, full of re morse, was exclaiming: "To thiuk thut I should huve given you so much trouble by my fuolish tulk!" aud the girl's tears mingled with those of the woman, at thought of the pain she kad so unconsciously given There is no telling how long they would have Bat tkus, kad not Aunt Skeba, just at tkis touching moment, suddenly raised to view a face "that was too much for Patty eveu in her contrite mood. Tears had washed away the powder in little streaks from the cheeks, Patty s kisses had taken off another spot from the forehead, and poor Aunt Sheba's face presented mottled and spotted appearance that was very comical. "Oh, Aunt Sheba, do come and wash that stuff off; it makes you look so funny," said Patty, laughing in spite of herself. "Well, child, I may s well, and 1 don't know but what it's done its work well after all, since it helped me to find out what I wauted to know all the time, that your old aunt wasn t so ngly, but what you could learn to like her." Patty's answer must kave pleased ker aunt wonderfully, for ske bright ened up at once, and was soon at work with soop and water trying to remove all trace of the cosmetio that had had such a different effect from what she had expected. "There, child, I guess it s off now, ain't it?" said Aunt Sheba after a few minutes' vigorous rubbing; and she turned to her niece a face that could never appear homely, for lovo, the great beautifler, glorified the plain features, aud the brown skin was for gotten in the light that shone iu the dark eyes, telling of a kind heart and benutiful soul within. The House wife. A MESSAGE ON AN ECC. It Reiulled In nn Oklahoma Farmer'! Marrying a Chicago ilrl. 'Ou a farm in the Cherokee strip I sit a sod and lonely bachelor, thinking sadly over my fate and would love to come off the nest aud join my life with thot of some comely young lady of not too many summers' growth. Should tho message ou this egg meet the eye of some fuir one who is matrimonially inclined ou short acquaintance, and who thinks, she would enjoy a prairie life with a student of noture's beauty, address Ross Willioius, Enid, Ok." Such was the love-loru message written by Ross V llhams on an egg which he shipped to market. Iu due time this reply came: ' Dear Mr. Williams: rroin the quiet precincts of my boudoir I write thee. I am lonely, too, and have often longed to quit city life and go West, where the tall wild grass sways in the wind as if listening to the songs of chiuch bugs. I was about to break au egg into a pan wheu your message met my gaze. It seemed like a dream of a lost, unknown love. Perhaps our fates would trot along together. I am comely, but not so fair. Age, twonty- three, no money, but plenty of grit. Let us exchange photographs. It may all end in another American union, long to be preserved. Methinks I know you now. Bessie Carroll, Chi cago 111." They were married a few weeks ago. Genesis of the Match Industry In America. The first manufactory of friction matches was located in the centre of tke Connecticut Valley, iu the kistorio oommuuity known as Chicopee Street. The principle of this invention kad been thought out in Europe, but bright Yankee min is were quick to catch the idea from across the water, aud the manufacture progressed as rapidly here as there. Tho credit for this invention is probably duo to John Walker, a chemist, who lived in Eng land in Stockton-on-Tees. He was experimenting with chlorate of potash, and found that it could be instantly ignited by friction, when coated on a stick with phosphorus and drawn through folded sandpaper. This dis covery was made iu 182!), and the at tention of Michael Faraday being called to the new idea, it soon became popular, and the manufacture was started nearly simultaneously iu Eu rope aud America. The first factory for the making of friction matches ou a large scale is Mated to have been es tablished in Vienna iu lH'VJ, but the factory on Chicopee street was run ning nearly us early as this, if not be fore. Springfield (Muss.) Republican. Seed Itlown Out of the CJrouliil A terrific storm swept over the Ar kansas valley in southwestern Kansas the other duy. Tke wind blew at the rate of forty miles au hour. The great valley, which averages teu miles wide, is iu a bed of sand, aud passenger who arrived ou the trains from that Bectiou to-night Buy people were driven to their homes for protection against a cloud of dust and sand which no hu man beiug could face. Many farmers will huve to replant their corn. The storm was so violent thut corn planted two inches under ground was blown with the dust aud sand for miles, while the irrigatiou ditches are full. Engineers could not see ten feet uhead of them, and win dows aud ventilators in the curs were closed to protect ihe pussengers from beiug smothered. St. Louis Repub lic. A 1'araee 1'racllce Ktoteil. Announcement of deaths among th Pursees, according to immemorial cus tom, are made iu Parsee streets by Pursee criers, who are specially eu gaged for the purpose, preference be ing giveu to those who have powerful lungs. The number of Pursee deaths being unusually lurge ut present, and it being deemed unwise to make these frequent announcements, which might uluriu the uervous, the practice has been discontinued for tho present by irder of the trustees of the Parsee Puuehsyet Ckarituble Fuud. To Make I'aper r'lrrrMf. To make fireproof paper nothing more is necessary, Buys Hardware, thuu to saturate it iu u strung solu tion of uluiu wuter, and wheu thor oughly dry it will resist the action of I flames TIIEMEIUIYSIDEOF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS, Clever I.ad Literal . No Hcope . Had Heen ThereNon-Hiiltellll Heren teenth Unestlon A Drawback lleltet Than lie Klpecteri Still Funny, Kle, Tho boy stood nn th burning deck Till all but blm hail fled, And then he put tho lire out, And went and cruised ahead. And when he'd had enough of that He sailed into the slip, And got a thousand dollars down As salvage on the ship. Harrier's Bazar. Literal. The Rescuer "How did your come to fall in?" The Rescued "I didn't come to fall in, I came to fish." Harper's Week-7- Hia Beirenteenth Question. Little Clarence "Pa?" Mr. Callipers "Well, my son?" Little Clarence "Is postage-stamp collecting a profession or a disease?" Tuck. Has Heen There. The Tramp "Can you tell me how I can get some work, sir?" The Citizen (crustily) "Yes; buy a bicycle, and try to keep it clean!" Yonkers Statesman. Non.Hulleil. Brown "Did you ever try tailor I recommended to you?" Oreon "Yes. Too expensive, two suits from him oue dress one law suit!" Punch. that Clot suit, No Hcope "I bought little Tommy a trumpet because he was bo lonoly, but he did not seem pleased." "Well, no; you see his old grand mother is Btoue deaf." Piek-Me-Up. The Itrilte. Mrs. Hoon "Why do you persist in referring to the folding-bed as 'he?' Why isn't it just as appropriate to call it 'she' as it is a ship?" Old Hoon "Because it shuts up oc casionally." J udge. A Drawback. He "I'd willingly go rouud the world for your sake." She "I wouldn't like thot." "Why not?" "In that case you'd come back to where you started from." Hotel Hales. Hewitt "I had a nichtmare the last time I was at that hotel." Jewett "What of it?" Hpwitt "T foolishly mentioned it ntlin (dork thn next moruinrf and he charged me for the use of one horse." 8usplclous Advantage, "The rooms are rather small." said the prospective boarder. "The advantage of that," said the hotel-keeper complacently, "is that not so mucu iresu air is required io keep them cool." Philadelphia Nortk Aniericau. Not Lout. Traveler (to the driver on fording the river) "Has auyone ever been lost in this stream?" Driver "No, sir!" Sam Mason was drowned here lust spring, but they found him again after looking for two weeks." Judge. Hotter Than He Kxpectcil. "The question is," said the Turkish Minister, "how much indemnity Greece will pay." "Is that it?" asked Abdul Humid, cheerfully. "I thought the question was how much indemnity Greece would owe." Puck. HUM Funny. Mr. Twynn "The romance of Mc Bride's honeymoon liugers still, al though ho has been married live years. " Mr. Triplett "How do yon know?" Mr. Twynn "Ho jokes with his wife about her millinery bills." Personally Interested. Weary "Dis arber-duy tree pluut iu' is gittiu' ter be a great t'iug." Haggles "Yes; au' I'm opposed ter it, too." Weary "W'y?" Buggies "W'y? Jos' t'nk nv de Bnap we 'ud hev gittiu' meuls ef wood wuz too skeoreo ter be used ez fuel." -Judge. The Killing TumbIoh. The fine will be three dollars aud costs," announced the Police Mugis trute. "I'm willing to mnke it ten dollars and costs, 'Squire, suul the scorcher, "if you'll have it entered ou the printed record thut I wus going twen ty miles au hour and my machine wus a tireused Lightning, geared to eighty four. "Chicago Tribune. At the I'rUoii. Fuir Visitor "Poor fellow I Aud what brought you here?" Mike (tho slugger) "It wuz all be cuz of dut unlucky number fifteen, miss." Fuir Visitor "Indeed? Do tell me how!" Mike (the slugger) "Well, you see. miss, dere wuz do jury, twelve, un' de jedge made t'irteen." Judge. riikrrel Swallow -ed by Kliakr. G. W. Plutt, who is employed u Sttlesmun at E. S. Huut's furniture store, ut Essex, Conn., while out for a stroll near Hut rock ut the fuctory pond suw u largo water snake come out of the wuter and craw 1 upon a rock ou the bank. Mr. Plutt killed the snake v. ith a blow from u stick. Ou looking closely he suw a fish iu the snake's mouth. He pulled it out and it proved to bo a good-sized pickerel, which came to life w hen he put it in the wuter. The snake was over five feet long. NICHT. How colorless the sky and drean. Which wore by day a smile o bright) The clouds, as If of tears awearv, Like beggars mute sweep through the night. Their little head the flowers hang sleeping; Not e'en one leaf moves on the tree; Only the waves, to my feet creeping. Exchange soft kisses dreamily. The forest stands in deepest sllen-e. The birds have long since ceased to sing; But fnlhly, from the ghostly distance, The breeze a bell's low note doth bring. Upon tho moss In worship blissful I kneel; mv tears like dewdrops fall. Oh, holy nights, cnlin, starless, peaceful, How fervently I love ve nil! Johanna Ambroslus. HUMOR OF THE DAY. "I can't buy the bicycle. It's too heavy." "Well, I'll throw in a lamp. That'll make it lighter." Standard. Miss Wantokno "What did yon think of Niagara Falls?" Miss In tense "O, they are simply tooquaiul for anything." Truth. "There's oue consolation about in somnia," remarked the sufferer. "What is that?" "While I lie awake I don't have nightmare." Judge. K "One gets a certain finish abroad, I fancy." "Yes, oue goes over there, and thpy tell her she can't sing, and that's the end of her." Detroit Jour nal. It has a tendency to weaken one's faitk in kumau nature when one sees the apothecary shaking hands effusively with one's physician. Boston Tran script. "Too bad about Wellington getting killed by a live wire." "Wasn't it, though? Hereditary, however. His father was killed by lightning." Cin cinnati Enquirer. May "I wouldn't break my heart over the best man in the world." Cha peron "Certainly not, dear. It is over the worst muu that girls break their hearts." Truth. She "Are you sure you will like married life as well as you do the club?" He "Oh, yes!" She "And are you so awfully fond of your club?" He "Not very." London Tid-Bits. "What is the matter with tke India rubber man? He is using dreadful language," said the fat lady. "It's raining hard, and he can't find his goloshes," said tke skeleton dude. Harper's Bazar. Bakou "Do yon think the race is degouerotiug?" Skikspur "Well, when I look back to my young days " Bakon "Oh, I didn't meau anything personal! I referred to the race geuerally." "Why are all the boys dodging?" "Becauso tho teacher is about to throw the ruler at bad Tommy. " "Then why doesn't Tommy dodge?" "Be cause the teacher is going to throw at Tommy. " Truth. "Hello! old mau, how are yon?" "Wretched! wretched! I've had au at tack of the grippe, aud it's left me so wouk I cuu hardly crawl." "What do you want to crawl for? Why don't you walk?" Puck. Lawyer "I am afraid I can't do much for you. They seem to have conclusive evidence that you committed tho burglary." Client "Cau't you object to the evidence as immaterial aud irrelevant?" London Tid-Bits. Mrs. Heiipeck "Young Mrs. Bag ley, who was married on last Thurs day, tells me her husband left almost immediately for the West on a busi ness trip." Heiipeck (viciously) "Yes, he writes me that he finds mar ried life a very buppy cxisteuce. " Philadelphia North Auierieuu. Patient "Isn't it a little dangerous to administer anesthetics? Must be terrible to have oue die iu your chair after yon have given him ether." Den tist "Yes; it was for that reason that we adopted a rule thut where au anes thetic is administered the patient must pay in advauee." Boston Transcript. A poor Irishman ou his death-bed was consoled by a friend by the com moupluce reflection thut "We must all die once." "Why, dear, now," cried the sick man, "uud isn't thut what vexes me? If 1 could die hulf a dozen times, I would not mind it for this wunst." London Household Words. A judge, wheu on circuit iu the West lately, iu delivering the charge to tho (hand Jury, suid: "Gentlemen, you huve heard the evidence. The indictment says tho prisoner was ar rested for stealing pigs. The offense seems to be getting a common oue. The time is coming w hen this must be put a stop to; otherwise, gentlemen, we shull none of us bo sufe." Stuud urd. Flowers and I'urfuiues. There is a century plant at th White House which is know n to be seventy years old. It has recently taken a fresh start iu grow ing, aud the White House gardener says it will bloom in August. Tho central stalk is now shooting up ut the rate of five feet ill six weeks. Perfumes exercise a peculiar influ ence over one's uervous system. A faint, subtle odor is nearly always eiiervuting, while a pungent, rich per fume often bus a bracing effect. Civet induces drowsiness, a faint breuth ol musk invigorutos, uud the perfume of the uloe and the citron is positively soothing mid comforting. Tke delicate, siii-v udors of niiiks. earuutiolis. l)le i -- I , blossoms uud sweetbnur lire thought to be benellciul. .New lork lnlmue. low One Hunk Is llun. It is a pretty tough story for a pupei to tell ou its own town, but this does uid soeui to huve occurred to the Digh ton Herald, which says that a mau went into the local bunk to get a check cushed uud had to wait until the bank er uud a friend finished a game ot checkers. Every silver dollar iu thu institution wus being used as a cheek ermuu. Kansui City (Mo.) Journal. A.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers