The Forest Republican If publlahod every Wodnnsday, by J. E. WENK. Office in Smenrb&ugh & Co.'i BuilJing ELX STREET, TIOXE8TA, FA. Term, l.oo Per Year, No subscription received for a shorter period than throe month. Correspondence sollolte 1 from All parts of Ih country. No noiio will be taken of anonymous oo.nwunlo:ulou. RATES OF ADVERTISING! One Square, one Inch, one Innertlon. .$ I 00 One Bquare, one Inch, one month. ., 0 00 One Bquare. one inoh, three month. . 00 One Square, one inch, one jeer...... 10 00 Two Square, one year 15 00 Quarter Column, one year, .. IHOO half Column, one year, ....... 5000 On Column, one year.. , 100 00 Lotrnl advertisement ten oente per tine each insertion. Marriage and deth notice gratia. All bill fory early advertisement, collected qunrterly Temporary advertisement nut be paid in advanoa, . Job work cash on delivery. Republican JbORE VOL. XXIX. NO. 33. TIONESTA, PA. WEDNESDAY, DEC. 2, 189G. S1.00 PER ANNUM. Mr. Gladstone bns boon Riving taffy" to tbe Welsh folks. lie says tbnt they are tUo most mnsioal people in the world. The number of cities with more than 100,000 Inhabitants is exactly the name twenty-seven in Germany and tho United States. The statistician of the Ilorsesboers' rrotcctivo Association shows that, detjito the bicyole craze, there are uiure horses in the country than ever. Agrionltnre furnished sixty-three per caul, of total United States ox ports in eight months ended August 31, a slightly stnnllcr proportion than a year before. Tho anniversary of the coronation of tho Sultan of Tnrkey was cele brated the other day. From signs in the air it may be the lost, predicts the New Orleans Picavnne. k The total cumber of failures for the first nine months of 1890 was tho largest on reoord and exoeeded the number of the wort nine months of tho ponia year, 1893. The statistics tbow that the British Empire not only purchases more of our goods than any other country, bnt also soils us a larger proportion of the goods we bny than any other. The Legislature of Vermont is com posed of 128 farmers, forty storekeep er, fourteen lawyers and the rest "scattering" a cotablo preponder ance of fanners and soaroity of law yers. - A greet many students live in Now Haven, Conn., and take the foil ool lego oourre at Yale on throe hundred dollars per annum, whioh inoludes board aa 1 room for forty weeks and free tuition. Is there a conspiracy against the pupils of the Indian schools? asks the ChioAgo Record. Tbe Government uns just ordered lor them 63,000 pounds of dried peaches, 75,009 pounds of dried apples and 82,000 pounds of prunes I Ilenoeforth horseshoeing tnust be ranked among the professions, an nounces tbe New York Tribune. At any rate no one is to be permitted to engage in this vocation without bar ing submitted to an examination be fore a board of experts representing the State. The shoeing of horse it a nice job, and many a fine animal has been ruined by a bungler. The ap pointment of State'examiners smacks of paternal government, but the en actment of the now law soems to be viewed with considerable favor by . owners of horses. Commenting on the recent launoh of heavily-armed United States "rev enue cutter" for use on the great lakes, the Montreal Gazette says that in this matter the English and the American Governments "are in about the same position. They have both gone as far as the limitations of the treaty will allow, and it is evident that in the oase of Gresham the United StatesGoverument is sailing very olose to the wind. It is, of course, perfeotly fair and right that eaoh Government ehonld niako adequate arrangements for the protection of tbe fisheries and kindred purposes; but whoever goes a step further is no friend either of the Dominion of Canada or of the United States." In the Postmaster General's report for the last fttcul year a number of in teresting figures are given, showing the cost of our enormous mail system. The total expenditures for the ysar aggregated $30,020,269, against re. oeipt amounting to only $82, 499,208 These figures reveal a deficit oi $8, 127,088, which, however, is less than the shortage for the year preceding by 81,079,956. Tbe report further shows that 4,184,327 epeoial delivery letters passed through the mails during the year. The average time required for the dehvtry of these letters was only seventeen minutes. The net profit of the eyatom for the year was sume where in the neighborhood of $100, 000, The number of postage stamps, stamped envelopes and postal oards issued during the year reached the enormous sum of 4,195,605,523, show ing an increase of seven per cent, over the preceding year. The value of this entire supply is fixed at $79,178,101, or $740,000 less than actual sales. The iucrenfo of second class mail matter wai nearly twelve per cent, during the year. The totul weight of all the bundles was 349,000,000 pounds. The total number of registered packages tent through the mails was 15,106,330. Some idea of tbe vast proportions of our postal systemmsy be derived from the foregoing figures. At tbe gateway of tbe winter now comes Thanksgiving tide, la tbe glory of Its atmosphere, its pie and turkey pride. And It Is most becoming that Its ohoor should far snd wide abound, E'ca going to tbe humblest hotnn whero'er It may be found. In olden time Thanksgiving was for barves poor or good. Tbe oorn, the pumpkin, wheat, and all that gave a livelihood. For poor returns the pilgrims held up their hearts in praise, Far greater should our thanks be that live in these glorious days. Then welcome be Thanksgiving with Its manifold feasts and Joys; Under many a homestead roof now gather tbe girls nnd boys; And though some of us fail somewhat in harvests whore we strive, We Bbould be thankful for our hopes, and that we are alive. Thon pass around the turkey, the mince and apple pies; Don't slight the poor and needy if in wisdom you'd be wise. To relieve distress our people have only to be told, For Lord be thanked the human heart is yet as good as gold! Edward B. Cream"-. A Thanksgiving Rescue. X tne beigbt of a terrible blizzard of snow and sleet lrto on Thanks giving Eve, 1889, tbe propeller Cain met, from Buffalo for Milwaukee with eighteen souls on board, came to grief on (tor my Michigan. Sonre days before. while steaming p Detroit River from Lake Erie to Ht. Clair, she had burst ber seams by running upon a sunken anchor iu tho ehollowa. Tbe -leak proved so threatening that Skipper Green put in at Dotroit, patohed np the injury and took aboard a wreck ing pump in tbe hope of keeping bis vessel afloat until she would reach ber destination. All went well until tbe Calumet left the straits of Maokinao and entered Lake Michigan. Then the storm broko in all its fnry and tho thermomoter dropped suddenly to twenty degrees below the freezing point. A tremendous sea was stirred np by the gale and the steamer, labor- lug in a cross sea, pitohed and rolled so violently that ber timbers were strained and the woun ied seams opened afresh. With all the pumps working atincirinu capacity the ship con tiuntd to fill and soon got beyond eoutrol of ber master. However, she made tne vioiuity of Milwaukee not long alter darkness oame on Thanks' giving Eve, going quite easily before tbe gale as she thaped her course for the harbor. But the weather was so thick that, cvou olose np, the keen eyed watohmau oonld not make out tbe harbor lights. In the omergenoy Captain Groen decided to bead for Chicago. Tho ship's course was, therefore, chnngod again, bringing cer onco more into a violent oroEs sea, To add to the ev Is of the situation tbe wrecking pump, upon whioh all de pendod, gave out at the very moment when it was most needed. The water gained rapidly on the ordinary ship's pumps, so tuat tt became only a ones tiou of time, and a very short time at that, when the Calumet would go down in tbo deep waters of the lake. There was an alternative, frightful to think of, bnt yet preforablo to foundering beyond all reach of aid. That was to take obsuces aud beach the helpless ship. Putting on steam tho captain beaded for land and tho vessel grouuded essily 1000 yards from the bluffs oipo' site Fort Sheridan, Illinois, It was then half-past 10 o olook at night. One danger still threatened, that was that the lilting and pounding of the terri ble seas would break tbe vessel to pieces, bit by bit, before daylight and tucoor should coma. Although heavy with the water in the hold and her full cargo, still she moved. In order to steady her tho captain opened all the valves in the bottom so that she flllei completely and retted like a huge rock in the sand. What a prospect tnose eigbteoen helpless men had be fore them for that long and terrible nigbt. I be waves beat upon every part of the ship, the thermometer was still falling and the deoks and rails and Chbiu roofs were covered with loe lrom the freezing eprty. There were boats on board, those (rail skiffs car ried npou lake steamers, but to have risked lives in them in that terrible ea would have been madness. The lifo-saving station nearest the soene of the wreok is at Evanston, 111 twelve miles from Fort Sheridan. It is a station of the United States coast life feuurrl, under a regular keeper ex poricuoed in tbo perilous duty, bu tho crew consists of volunteers from among tbe students of the Northwest em Academy. At tbe time of the wreck Keeper Ltwrenoe U. Lawson was in charge of the fetation and the following six volun eer surfmen were subject to his call Georue Crosbv, William E. Ewiug Jacob Luiuin;?, W." L. Wilson, F. M jvoudig nnd Thomas M. Webb. Soon after midniuht Keeper Lawson re ccived u telegram fioin Highland Park mm saying: "TUore is a large steamer ashore o9 Fort Sheridan. Cornel" Lawson burned to the railway station and asked what time the next train would go north. "Not before 7.80 a. m.," was the reply. There was one chance left, a very faint one consider ing the terror of tho night. Thinking that there might be an extra freight train on the road Lawson wired the dispatcher at Chloaga and learned that an extra, or "wildoat train," would pass Evanston about 2 o'clock. Staling tbe urgency of the case, be obtnined an ordor to flag it and plaoe his life-saving apparatus and crew on board. The train proved to be made np of loaded box cars and there were no empty ones at hand to carry the lifeboat. The nextresonroe was livery teams to haul tho boat twelvo miles by sleighs Fortunately a liveryman was found who was less considerate for horsefloeh than for human lives. lie provided stout teams for the boat and Lawson with tbe six surfmen who were to bear the hardships of the enter prise boarded the train. A hot journal caused a delay of an boar and it was 4 o'olook when the party readied tbe fort. A gnido who had first sighted the steamer by her lights conducted the life-savers toward tbe bluff o poBite the wreck. Confused by darkness and blinding storm, the guide lost bis way and an honr was passed beatiug np and down the blull for a pathway to the water's edge. The blu 3. et that point is seventy ieet high, very precipitous and cnt up by ravines, filled with trees end underbrush. Several ravines were exploded before one was found suitable for operation?. This was prepared by the aid of sev eral soldiers lrom the fort wbo bad been aroused by the steamer's whistles of distress. Some fifty men set to work with axes, hewing away the trees to make a slide for the boat. The stiff, bard clay was alto pared down to give the frail boat a safe passage way, for the craft so stanoh and ser viceable on tbe water are in danger of being stove by ooming in contact with rough obstaolea when under motion. A huge fire was kindled to lighten np tbo scone ; it also sorved as a beaoon to the imperiled sailors wbo knew by that that their case was known. Everything was ready when the boat THE UPEUOAT ARRIVES. arrived, drawn by steaming, foaming horses, at 7 o clock. It was thonugbt enough to make out the plight of the men on the ill-fated Calumet. They were seen huddled in and about the pilot bouse, the only place of refuge. for the steamer was submerged to tne main deck. Moreover, she w, liter ally a ship of ice, having been deluged for ten hours with water that lelt layer upon layer wherever it struck. The poor fellows on board were motionloss, apparently frozen to tnoir traoKS ana too far gone to give any sign of joy at the promised delivery. Indeed, witu the best of luck it seemed a hopeless case. Snow was still falling aud the dhv tanoe to the wreok seemed less than it reully proved to be, for when a 000 yard line was sent whirling toward it from tne line-turowing gnu it leu tar short. Daylight had shown tho life savers a terrible surf lashing tte foot of the bluff, and with line and buoy to depend upon no one thought oi venturing the boat in that dangerous sea. But true bravery fu-es danger when it must for tuuii noble cause, To the outouiuhment of the spectators THE RESCUE. it and of the soldiers, who tried to dis suade them, tbe gallant student orew, after a tew seoonds' conference with tho keeper, moved silently toward the boat, which lay on its oarringe at the head of the slide. They would take the awful risk. With the help of the soldiers the boat was eased down the slide without aooident, but on reach ing the beach it was found necessary to drag it along a narrow shelf to point directly abreast of the wreok for launching. This oonld only be done by watching the breakers and avoiding thoir foroo. As it was, the surf mon were often waiut deep in the wator, and several narrowly escaped being ourried away by the powerful surf. Three times tho boat filled and bad to be cleared of water. Again tbe boat would be snatohed lrom the control of the men and burled against the cliff, and was only saved from disaster by finding a buffer in the bodios of tbe surfmen ranged along the inshore gunwale. These sustained several bruises, and, like their mates on the opposite side of the boat, were drenched with the icy water. Finally the boat was brought to a suitable point for launching a depression in tbe beaoh where the surf was lightest. The orew sprang to their seats and fixed their oars, while the soldiers held tbe boat steady for a favorable sea. Gallantly the lifeboat rode the break ers until she oame to a sand bar over which the waves broke with tremen dous power. An immense breaker lift ed the boat npon her stern and almost threw Keeper Lawson, who was at the steering oar, overboard. Before he could reoover unci head the boat to sea seoond wave struck her broadside and filled her to the thwarts. The stroke oarsman dropped bis pad die for the bailing buoket and his five mates, by pulling for their, livef, struggled through tho breakers. During these interruptions the powerful current Had swept the boat far out to tbe leeward, compel! ing the gallant surfmen to row in the teeth of the gale. It was then that the anxious watchers on the bluff lost all hope and wished that their warning had not been in vain. It seemed an impossibility for the life boat either to reaoh tbe wreck or return to shore. Every wave left a ooating of ioe wher ever it struck npon tbe gunwales, the oars and the olothing of the men. Tbe rowlocks gradually filled with ioe and the oars were constantly slipping from them, dissipating half thoir foroe. But the difficulties of their task only served to nerve the men to greater ef fort. True enthusiasm is intensified by opposition. It wants its way and will risk all to get it. Tho life savers were there to do or die. Heroes ol the battlefield may take off their hats to the storm warriors of the lake and sea coasts and hail them as comrades. The faithful anuals of the life-saving service, from whioh these facts are taken, have on record a thousand in stances of forlorn hope rescues, or at tempts at rescue, carried through to the bitter end, for every one case of shirking peril. Xot a murmur or a regret passed the lips of these boy heroes, although every one who watched their struggles with the ele ments believed that a frightfnl double disaster was imminent ; that the life boat would go down with its noble orew and the wrecked sailors freeze to death before other aid could reaoh them. The men on tho wreck, with every incentive to hope against hope, gave themselves np for lost when they saw what a plaything the waves made of the gallant life boat. By almost superhuman efforts tbe oarsmen recovered the ground lost in tbe breakers and drew np under tbe stern of tbe Calumet. That portion of the vessel was wholly nnder water so tbnt the sailors could not go aft and take a line from the boat. Tbe seas broke in awful turmoil around tbe bow of the steamer but after many efforts Keeper Lawson tossed a line into tbe bands of the captain. Then came the difficulty, attended with ex treme peril for all, of getting the half frozen fellows into the life boat. At lust six of them were on board and supplied with life preservers. Then a start was made for shore. With its heavy freight the boat wus allowed to go with the current, whioh landed it without acoident a quarter of a mile from the point of starting. After beating the icy armor from their clothing the orew warmed themselves with hot coffee and again started for the boat, which the soldiers had dragged along the beach to the wind- wurd of the wreok. It is needless to reoount the details of the seoond and third trips to and from the steamer. Tbe same fearful difficulties were met snd overcome ; again and again the life craft seemed to be doomed as she stood almost up right when mounting the huge crest of a breaker or sank out of sight in the hollows between the angry waves. With the aooumulations of ioe on her sides she looked like a monster canoe hewn from an iceberg. But the pluck of the brave boys never relaxed until the last of tbe eighteen shipwrecked men was safe ashore. On the third and final trip, however, when the boat struck tbe beach, the danger being over and tho stimulus to action re moved, their young and slender frames gave way. Dropping their oors they fell helpless aoross the scute. When aroused by the soldiers aud lifted from the boat their limbs were so weak and bennmbed that they oonld not stand without support. Hot coffee and the warmth of tbe beach tire soon restored animation but they reached tbe fort in worse condition by far than those whose lives they had saved. A few honrs later, the exoitement on shore having died out, eyes were turned to ward the abandoned wreck. It bad disappeared, all exoepting the stem and stern post", having been complete ly broken up by the pounding of the sea. But for the heroio students every man on board must have per ished. And their gallantry did not go unnoticed, Tbe gold medal of the service, the highest award of the Gov ernment and one given with great discrimination, was granted each of the surfmen and to. their captain. Ibis was the seoond oase in the history of the service where an entire crew of. volunteer life savers received the gold medal. Up to that date only two or three regular crews had been so niga ly honored. When the tables were spread in tne warm bsrraoks kitchen of rort bbon dan that afternoon there were eight een grateful strangers reclining npon their hospital cots around tne lhanks giving board eighteen unexpeoted but for all that thrice weloomed Thanksgiving guests. A THANKSGIVING UAME. An Interesting Diversion to Pass a Few Hours Pleasantly. Usually in the Thanksgiving gather ing together of families there are i host of yonng folk wbo need to enter tain themselves. One game requires ohildren who are "np" in geography ; still, if need be, it is a lesson in the diBguise of pleasure. Tbe game pro ceeds after this fashiou : A map is held by the judge, usually a grown person or an older child ; then, too, children are chosen aud placed in sep arate corners. Says the jndge : "Now. Carrie, you represent New York in this ocrner, aud Richard, you are in Moso3w imprisoned ; yon want to get away and reach home by Thanks giving Day. You have gotten from behind Ihe walls but what is your most direot route home? Then Richard has to tell each sea, country and ocean be crosses to get homo for the turkey and cranberry sauce. If be can't do it successfully be must remain right on the spot on the floor where he stopped until he thinks out his escape. Other members of the game are placed in prisons at various parts of the country. Soon the room becomes nueu witn prisoners, all trying to get home; halt of them are "stalled" in the oon- tre trying to think of tbe boundary line whioh brings freedom, others are just leaving the prison walls. When the game nas been played frequently those who join in get very familiar with the junotion of oountries and learn many straight lines and clever jumps that bad not appeared feasible before. For those who are not quite conversant with' geography easy tasks are given ; for iustauoe, to be placed in a Paris prison an 1 find their way homo to Boston. New York Press. TURKEY TALK. Tbe eagle has the laugh on the turkey at Thanksgiving time. Only the sultan believes that no one oould ever have too muoh turkey. "Sometimes," said Undo Eben, "do houses dat has de bigges' fam'lies an' do littles' tuhkey seems ter hab de trios' Thauksgibbin' in 'em." All summer long the barnyard heard Tbe turkey's brag and boatt, And now they're glud tbnt bumptubus bird Ua ail sides gt a roast: Tbe Goose "What's the difference between the Easter girl and the Thanksgiving turkey?" Tho Turkey I dnnno. " Ihe Uooso "Why, one is dressed to kill aud the other is killed to dress." "My dear," said the female turkey to ber noble spouse, "what is your opinion of the Thanksgiving procla mation?" "Stuff I" "Then what would you have said?" "Gobble, gobble, gobbler' and tbe sad but pompous fowl strutted aoross tbe street. The turkev is not a brilliaut bird, When all U done and suld, For oa all groat oeeaniuns He's sure to luie bis be id. A Dream of TluuliBgWIiig. ..-v. "t'l '"' rr i. ...... At midnight In his guarded coop The Turk lay dreaming of the hour C . - - t mm - II 1. W ' Itcveujre Is Sweet. Small Boy "I won't do a thing to you Thanksgiving; oh, no I" Truth. THANKSGIVING TURKEY. A Kentucky Turkey Pen Ships Thirty Thousand Bird's to Market, Few of us who visit around tbe Thanksgiving board pane to think of the vast number of turkeys that are necessary to supply tbo demand on this National holiday. The origin of tbe turkey u lost in the traditions of the red man, who hunted the wild bird long before the pale faoe had domestioated it or made the famous proposition, after a day a hunt, in whioh a buzzard and a wild turkey constituted tho amonnt of game killed. 'Sow you take tbe buzzard and 1 11 take the turkey, or I'll take the turkey and you take the buzzard." And thereupon tbe maxim arose; 'He never said turkey to me onoe." This favorite bird, whioh is an Amerioan production, when properly combined with the nocessary auxili aries of oysters, roasted chestnuts, cranberry sauce and the succulent celery, makes a savory dinh, in the full praise of which all words ignomio- tously fail. The following figures from au inland Kentuoky tovn, one of many whioh help to supply the oity markots with Thanksgiving turkeys, will give some little idea of the extent of this branch of industry, and of the methods em ployed to prepare tho turkey for the market and the cook. The young brood of turkeys is to the farmer's wife bor chief source of revenuo for the antumn and winter, therefore she guards them through the dangers attendant on turkoyhood with zeaious care, and usually drives shrewd bargain later with the buyer, who begins bis riding through the country as Thanksgiving approaches. Tarkers are generally bought on foot, and the prices range from four to five cents a pound. The flocks are driven to the turkey pens from tbe different farms. If the distanoe is a long one, and night comes on before the pens are reached, the turkeys go to roost at sundown, wherever it may happen to bo, and despite all efforts of the driver to urge it on. Turkeys are kept in enclosed pens until they are ready to be killed, but geese are pastured ont on meadows, and are watohod by small boys, who, with long stioks, keep them from straying out of bounds. Ducks, geese and chickens are gen erally shipped alive to the cities, but turkeys are usually killed and dressed for the market. They are not led for some twelve hours bofore killing, and after being piokod and cleaned are pnt on cooling boards for another twelve hours before tbey are paoked in oases for shipment. Two thousand turkeys or more constitute a carload. In the turkey bouse are a row of boxes with both ends open and nar rowing toward the lower end. These are fastened along thosido of the wall, and into them the turkeys are thrust, head downward, until their heads and necks protrude through the lower opening. Thon the "sticker," with a sharp knife, coes along the line and cuts the throats of each bird, leaving it to bleed to death, while a trough underneath it oarries off the blood. The turkey's wings are oontined by tbe sides of tho box so that it cannot flutter or strugglo, and death does not seem to be painful to it. Whon the turkey la dead, tne wings and tail feathers are out oil and tbe body is seut to the picking room where a number of men, women and obildren are employed. Tho turkey is suspend ed from a twine oord, and the picker nimbly uses both bands, literally makv iug "tbe feathers fly." From two to four thousand turkeys are picked a day, and a skillful hand can average fifty or sixty eaoh. Three conts apieoe is paid for picking a tur key. Not much of the fowl is thrown away. The wings are saved ana are sold' for fans and other things, thi tail feathers are sent to factories where feather dusters are made, the quills are ground into pulp and then pressed into artificial whalebone, and the loose feathers are used tor various purposes. W hen the dressed turkey reaohei tbe market the prices fluctuate any where f.'om two and a half to fifteen ceuti a pound, so that the business it not always a paying one. Ft out twenty to thirty thousand tur kf", s are killed each season aud seut from ibis one turkey pen, and th reader may judge from these figure bow great a cumber is required to supply the Tbe-nksgiving board throughout tbo eonutry with its great National dish. A IS ecu br Hint. Tbe old gobbler looked dreamily away ovr the back-yard fonoe. "Yee." A shudder ran through bis frame, "they are briuging out all our family skcletous these day." A g'.anoe at the ileoru from the din ner tble showed that this was only loo true. . BADY'3 DREAMS. - What dreams, where memory bos no share, A free from fear as void of care, Fill those young sleeping eyee? What dreamr, whero dreams can have ne words, Iilke flights of lovely unknown birds In sllenoe sink or ris The bnliy's dream? are secrets .ta llowe'er we watch the drc.imland wait, Or question when she wakes. Bhs only knows (returned once more) Tbe wave that brings ber to onr shore In klssee soltly breaks, " UU.M0R OF TUB WAY. "What made you laugh so immodor- atelyat Slowgo's poor joke?" "Why, this is the third time he has got it off on me." Chicago Reoord. Bobby "Your Bign says, 'sod' water ; all the flavors, five cent.' Druggist "Yes; whioh do you wish' Bobby "I want om alL" Puck. Teddy "I tell you it's so. Nellio "I say it is not." Teddy-"Well, mamma says it's so; snd rf mamma says it's so, it's so even if it isn't so." Harper's Round Table. "fligby is going to lecture on Tbe Finance of Other Countries.'" "What's that for?" "Because tho finances of this oountry are too muoh for him." Chicago Record. "Gentlemen, "said tbe orator, "thi crisis will Boon be nt an end." "Thank goodness," murmured an au ditor; "he's going to stop talking." Philadelphia North American. Mr. Hojack "Miss Tenspot mnst be surpassingly beautiful." Mr. Tomdik "Indeed 1 What makes you think so?" "She looks well even iu an amateur photograph." Life. Teacher "nything is called trans parent that can be seen through. What scholar can give an example?" Bobby "De hole iu de fenoe ronud de baseball park." Norristown Herald. Farmer's Wife "I hopojyou are not afraid of work?" Tramp uneasily) "I ain't exactly afraid, mum, but t always feels fidgety when there's any thing 1 ko that about." Boston Trav eler. - , . Magistrate "If you were jnnooent, why did you run away the moment tho policeman appeared?" Pat "Beoaze, yer honor, thim oops do be always aristin' the wrong man." Harper's Bazar. . The Fianoee "I'm surprised at mnn t T as Ai.t,",... itk .. I The Fiance "I swear, Prisoilla, yon are mistaken I Beauty has no charms. never had any charms for me !" Puck. Cashier (at bank) "You will have to bring some one to idontify you before we can cash this check. Got any friend in tbe town?" Stranger "No; I'm tbe dog lioeuso man," Com lo Cuts. "I am sorry I bought one of those door mats with 'Welcome' on it." "Why so?" "Some stupid fellow mis took the meaning of the word and helped himself to it the first night." Cleveland Plain Dealer. Wasted Sarcasm ; Brutal Father "My dear, can't you do anything to stop that child's crying?" Indignant Wife (sarcastically) "1 might cut its throat" Brutal Father "That's a good idea. Now, I never would have thought of that. Do so by all means." Harlem Lifo. Food fur Your Pet Bird. "For a' change, for canaries and other birds," said an experienced raiser of birds, "notbiug is better food than the various kinds of grasses which are now going to seed. Around any grass plots can be found grass wbioh has gone to seed. This is a natural food for birds at this season of tbe year, and it should be freely given them. The birds will relish the change very much, and it will improve them in plumage and song. They are tired of ihe ordinary seeds, which are good enough when there are no others, but now seed of every kind is in profusion, and needs only to be picked np. "Tbe pepper grass is now in full seed, and it is a great bracer for the feathered pete, and especially for canaries. Birds like green stuff at all times, but are specially fond of gross seeds of any kiud. My experience is that no mistake can be made, and that a bird never cats any setd that it does not like and that is not good for it." The Feather. The Surgeon nu I football. Even some of the physicians seem to be jealous guardians of the harmless ness of football. The half baok of the Williams College team has for some timo been suffering, even to delirium, with congestion of the brain, though be is now mush better and is rt ported out of danger. IIis doctor, however, says his sickness was not due to his in juries reoeived on the football field, but to the complete relaxation which followed bis retirement to North Adams to recover from a sprained ankle. The moral of this seems to be, not that football is dangerous, but to beware of relaxation. A the Irish man said when picked np with a few brokeu bonus: "it wasn't tbe fall that hurted me, but stoppin' so sud den." Boston Trauwript. A Snake Vp a Tree. Jeremiah Coyle, of Homosvillo, bad au euoouuter with a large blaokeuake ou the mountain above Frog Hollow yesterday. He was out for chestnuts, and started toolimb a tree laden with tempting lookiug burrs. Halt way up he was startled by seeing the snake not three feet away, swingiug to aud fro from a sleuder branch, aud evidently rropariug to spring. Coyle braced himself iu a notch of the tree, aud burled the hatchet he oariied at the swinging reptile with deadly aoouraey, severing the head from the writbiug body. Shamokin (1'vuu.) Dispatch.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers