The Forest Republican la pnbllAoJ every Wednoslay, by J. E. WENK. Office la Bmearbaugh & Co.'i EiiilJing ELM BTRF-ET, TIONE3TA, tk. Temiii - HI.(Ml'or Year. No subscriptions received for a shorter period than Ihroo months. Correspondence solicited from all parts of tlx oouutry. No noilot will bo taken of anonymous communications. RATES OP ADVERTISING! One Square, on. Inch, on. insertion..! 1 00 One Kquara, on. Inch, on. month. ., 8 ' One Fquare. on. Inch, three months. . 5 00 Ont-quare, on. inch, on. year..,,. 10 Oil Two Squares, one year 1501 Quarter Column, on. year. . ,., f C half Column, on. year.., SO 00 Un Column, on. year . . 100 00 leaal advertisement, ten cenU per lln. earn insertion. Marriages an 1 death notices gratia. All hills I'nr yearly advertisements collect quarterly T.inxrary advertisement, must be pai l in advance. Job work cash on delivery. Forest Republican VOL. XXIX. NO. 28. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, OOT. 28, 189(3. S1.00 PEll ANNUM. Helena, Montana, claims to be tbo richest city of its population in the world. Li ITuog GhnDg unys thora are mill ions of pooplo in CUinn tbnt do cot know that China bad a war witb Japan. Grocoo bus only twelve miles of ter ritory for enob mile of eeaooust, while England, wbicb rank next, baa eighty four and one-half milos to each mile of shore. In dipoussing V. W. Astor's ohauoo of espousing a royal princess a Euro pean piper recalls the fuck that the founder of tho Duke of Fife's family was a Scotch pjddler, Adam Duff by uamo. Ton thuusaud employes under tbo Wnr Uupnrtment huvo bucn olassifiod in the civil eerviou iu uccoordnnoe witb tbo order of Fresidout Cleveland of May 0 last, whioh extended tbo operation of the law to praotieally nil Government employes. Argentina menus to get ahead of tbo European Towers in taking possession of the South Shotland Inlands on tbc o lgo of tho Anturotto continent. An expedition will bo sent out for the purpose this year. The inlands may possibly bo of rouio uee as a scaling and whaling (station. Conservative Yalo College is invul Derable to the attacks of women, its doors being still olosed against them; (ho faculty have, however, made a concession in their favor, and have providod for a teachers' course. Teaoh crs, both malo and female, can enroll thoir names iu the nuiversity cata logue. It sccius that the X-rays, gen crolly regarded as so beneflcer. in notion, are to bo pressed into tho service of mutilating as well as of mending hu manity. K Loudon dealer offers for ralo cartridges touted by tho obliging Koeutgon rays to make sure that thoy have . been carefully loaded. To such multifarious use doo3 busy-brained man put ovory now invention as soon os elaborated ! Mischievio'as persons in the West, whose idea of fun consisted in frighten ing timid pcoplo by circulating alee predictions of approaooing tornadoes, have leiirncd that tho issne of counter feit weather predictions is punishable under Federal law as is the issue of counterfeit money. The couutorfcitor of Government weather reports is a misdemeanant who30 orims subject? him to a fine of 8500 or imprisonment for ninety days, or to both fine and imprisonment. Tho law was intendod to prevent speonlators from affecting the prices of agricultural products on the exchanges by spreading spurious prognostications of the weather. It has been invoked for tho first time to tupproes the wild Western "bum orists." Lord Russell's visit to America re minds the London Cbroniole of an an oient story. It says that during Lord Russell's previous tour iu this oountry with Lord Coleridge be oamo in con tact with niaoy members of the bar, inoluding Ex-Senator W. M. Evarts. It was while walking with Mr. Evarts one day along tha banks of a stream that bis attention was callod to a point at whioh Washington, according to a tradition, had thrown a dollar right across. The water was wido, aul Lord Russell looked doubtful. "You know a dollar went further in those days thah it goes now," tbo Amerioau law yor blaudly insinuated. "Ah," said Lord Russell, quite equal to the oo casion, "and it may have been easy enough to Washington ; it is well Known that bo threw a sovereign across the Atlantic" Thrift and melody do not teem to go together, exolaims Harper's Week ly. The author of "Kathleen Ma vournecn," who died a few weeks ago, bad bis sharo of prosperity during his career, but came to want long before tho end of it. A few weeks after, died l'ercy Gaunt, joint author with Chniles Uoyt of that famous and familiar song, "Iho Bow ery," and be too outlived bis means of support. Yet "The Bowery" was immensely profitable to soma one, and was reported to have paid its authors $17,010; and Gaunt wrote a great number of other bongs, some of which were popular. But probably with song writers, as with persons in othet lines of industry, it is one thing to make money and another to keep it. Tho obituaiitius, who dwelt at gener ous, length upon Crouch, told one amazing story about bim that be bud beeu married four times, and had been the parent of thirty-three chil dren. There was certainly no thrift about that, but the story was priuted without attidavits, and possibly it wui not tiu. THE FALL O' THE LEAF, The star o' Love lo the ovonlng sky, The orescent moon like a silver boat Iu a.sca of rose and (rold ado t. Under tho mnplcs, you and I Lean on tlio old, array llchcnod wall, Wbllo soft 6a our heads the den 1 loaves fall, Why do you slj?h? My sweetheart princess with frosted hair Kiowa from your faeo In a shining mist Like thistle-down In the nlr sun-kissed. Rllvcr or Rold, dear, what do we care? Gold or sllvor, It matters not, Btlll 'tis a theme for tho poofs thought, Still the old lover's heart is cnuirht la Its silken snare. Tho dropping tluls o' the autumn tree Are riehur than rosea Iu thoir day, Sweeter than violets la tho Mnv For rose or vlolot waat onre wcj The wldo, fair sunset o' tho year Is lovelier than Its morning, dear, For vou and mo. The star o' Lovo dins low t' tho skv. Tho moou'B white boat Is east on tho hill, Tho shadows Rather more dense aud chill, - The doep wood thrills with the owl's sad cry. A lonesome cricket oroous in the wall, Vaster thu leaves on our bowoj heads fall As tho wind wails by. Oivo mo ) our hand. Is It growing cold? Let it lie on a henrt that is warm; Loan on the strength of a faithful arm. Lovo like tho dead leaf still must hold Pweotnuss and souir when it has mlssei The flro of opal and anetbyst, Purple and (fold. Frank Leslie's Popular Monthly. THE YOUNG WIDOW. t Rtrrn HANSOM. RS. PIERCY was not in a good humor that day as she sat at the breakfast table pouringcoffco for her husband and dispensing bread and butter to tbo three plump lit tle Pieroys. Hue was a hand some, overdroseed woman, with a good deal of false hair, frizzed and pulled and braidod on the top of bcr beau, and a complexion that boro remoto witness to the constant use of cosmetics. And Mr. Fiercy, at bis end of tho tuble, was evidently ill nt ease as be broke his ogg and nibbled diligently at his roll. "But what was I to do, my dear?" said be, after a brief silence, which was by no means peaceful. "Do?" shrilly retorted Mrs. Pieroy. "Why, what do other people do? Are we to keep a homo for the indigent poor, or a refuge for the widowed and futherless?" "My doar my dear," pleaded Mr. Piorcy, who was a email man with thin bair and spectacles, "yon may bo a widow yourself some day." "And if I am I shall cot go begging among my relatives, that you may do pond on," Eaid Mrs. Pieroy. "And, after all, she isn't any relative of your only your brother's wife. I'd like to know what earthly claim she has upon you I I declare the more I think of it the more I am amazed at the woman's presumption. Her very name is au aggravation, too. 'Plume Piercy,' indeed. I'll wager my new lace pin that she was a second-rate actresBwhen she married your brother. No, Mr. Pieroy, if you think that I " But here the torrent of the lady's eloquence was cut short by the unex pected appearanoo on the scene of the very subject of her objurgation a tall, pretty woman of about four aud twenty, whoso wavy, golden tresees and delicately fair complexion con trasted vividly with the doep mourn ing weeds she wore. "A veil clown to her feet," mentally ejaoulated Mrs. Abel Piorcy. "And a six-inch bias band of the very best Courtluud crape on her gown. I won der who's ey-octed to pay for un this?" AbO lierey, the kindest hearted of little men, weloomed bis brother's widow with genuine hospitality; but Matilda, bis wife, looked aeksnco at her, with no friendly emilo. "Of course you will consider this your home," eaid Mr. Piercy, as be made baste to draw a chair close to the tire. "Until you are able to suit yourself somewhere else," crisply added bis wile. The widow said little; she only looked, with large, wistful eyes, from ono to tho other as she sat .there, the morning sunshiuo turning her fair locks to braided masses of gold, the pearly delicacy of her skin arousing the liveliest envy in Mrs. Abel's heart. "Though, of course, it's only some French balm, or Circassian cream or other, that I haven't heard of," said she to herself. But after Mr. Piercy had buttoned on bis overcoat and gloves, be came back to the breakfast room, while bis wife was putting up the children's school lunches in the pantry. "I'm not much of a talker, Plume," said he, in au odd, hesitating way; "but you are welcome, my dear very welcome. Aud I hope you will try to feel at home. Don't mind Matilda just at first. She's a little peculiar, Matilda is, but I do assure you she's-" 'Mr. Piercy," uttered a sharp, warning voice at this justuut from tho threshold, "is it possible thut you haven't started yet? And yoti know bow particular Budge and Bodley are us to your getting to tho store at nine o'clock precisely." Mr. Piercy turned pink all over. "l'es, my dear yea," suid he, "I'm quite sure to be in time !" And oil' he started on a gentle trot. When bo was gone Plume took off her bonnet and veil, removed ber mantle aud gloves, and went into the kitchen. "Cannot I do something to holp yon, Sister Matilda?" said sho, plead ingly. Mrs. Abel Piercy looked with cold blue eyes aud lips primly compressed, at the fair face, which was younger and fresher than ever without the jot black circlet of tho bonnet, and the slight, graceful figure before her. "No, I thank yon," said she. "I am not nsed to having fine ladies in my kitchen. "But if yon will lend me an apron "No, I thank yon, Mrs. Oswald Pioroy," repeated . tho housewife. "You will find the newspaper in the ball. Perhaps the advertising col umns may interest tdu." "We ar. sisters," satd tho young widow, with a quivering lip. "Will yon not call me Plume?" "Ob, no; we're no relations at all, in reality!" taid Mrs. Abel Piercy, weighing out ounces of sugar and pounds of flour with an unerring band. "And really your name is such a very peculiar one. Jane, or Martha, or Eliza, would havo been mora to my taste. Perhaps, however," with a keen, sidelong glance, "you havo been on the stage? "No," said Plume ; "I was a teacher when Oswald married me. But what did you mean about the advertising columns of the papers? "Situations, yon know," said Mrs, Piorcy, reaching over to the raisin box. ''Bridget, you bnve been at the raisins, as trne as I live I There's half of 'em gone since I was here last I" "No, mum, I haven't I" sharply re tpondod Bridget, who was used to these kitchen ekirmisUoF. "Sure never lived in a bouse before whero they counted the raisins and the lumps of coal, and if I don t suit, mum, u s a month's warning from to-day, if yo's plsze. "Situations 1" repeated Plume, half afraid of Bridget s warliko demeanor, or half puzzled at her sister-in-law's words. "Yes," said Mrs. Abel, tartly, pay- iog no attention to Bridget and ber skillet "in a glove factory you know, or iu a fancy store, or even as nursery governness or attendant to some eld erly invalid. For of course you know," with another of those oblique looks that made poor Plume feel so nucom fortablo, "you expect to work fcr your living. We are not rich enough to support all our relations. Abels salary was reduced last year, and no one knows how strictly I have to econ omize in order to make ends meet, And a strong young woman like you ought to be ashamed to sit down on a sickly man with a family, like my husband "Stop oh, stop 1" said Plume, lift ing up her hand, as if to ward off some invisiblo terror, "lie said I was wel come. Ho told me " "That's just like Abel I" said Mrs, Pieroy, scornfully. "He'd take in all creation if he could. He never stops to think whether ho can afford it or not." "I am sorry that I intrude," said Plume, with dignity. "It shall not be for long. 1 will look at the news paper at once." "Yea, that's a deal the best plan," assented Mrs. Piercy, ungraciously. "Of course you wou't mention our little chat to Abel. He might be vexed ; and, after all, I'm only speak ing for your good. Plume looked at bcr with an ex pression of face which somehow made Mrs. Abel Piercy feel as if she were shrinking up like a withered walnut in its shell. "Yes, I know," said the young widow. "But you need not be afraid ; I am no talo bearer, to make misohief in any one a family. Mrs. Pieroy felt very ucoomforable after this little conversation was ended. "How she did look at me !" thought she. "But I only spoke the truth, after all. We can't bo burdened with ber support, let Abel talk as he pleases. And no matter what she says, 1 believe she has been an actress. No one but au actress could ever put on such royal ways as that. Half an hour afterward, when the bell Tang, and some one inquired for Mrs. Oswald Pieroy, Mrs. Abel nodded her head to the cuke she was taking out of the oven. "Company already," said she ; "and gentlemen oompany, as I live ! Well, if this is the way she intends to go on, the sooner she suits herself with a situation the better I" Mrs. Piercy had been secretly anx ious for an opportunity of quarreling with her sister-in-law. Here it was at laet ; aud when the old gentloman with the glossy broadcloth tuit was gone, she bounced into tho parlor with a red spot on either cheek-bone like signals of war. "So you have been receiving com pany, Mrs. Oswald?" said she. "Yes," Plume innocently answered, "Gentlemen company, tool" cried Mrs. Pieroy. "It was Mr. Van Ordeu, my hus band's lawyer," explaiined'Pluuie. "Oh. I dare say !" said Mrs. Pieroy. "All that sounds very well ; but I have the charaoter of my house to look to, and" "Ha is comincr baok with a car riage." hurriedly spoke Plume. "I um to go to his wife's house at ouoe. Mrs. Van Orden is willing to givo mo the shelter which my own kusbuud s relatives urrudfje me I "I wish her joy of her bargain, I am sure," said Mrs. Abel Piercy, with a toss of the mountains of false bair that orowned her head. Aud so the two women parted in no spirit of amity. "I dare say the'll go straight to tho store, thought Mrs. Abel, "and invent a pitiful story for my husband's benefit. Aud Abel will make a grcut tuss Abel always was soft about his relutives but 1 shan't mind it. I al ways have beeu mistrets in my own uuuse, aud I always intend to be, Ua wal d's wido or no Oswald's widow." Nevertbolsnss, she could not help feeling a little apprehensive when her husband came in to toa. For whon Abel really was angry, his anger signi fied something. Hut to her surprise he entered all smiles, and rubbing his palms, gleefully. "So Plume has gone?" said be. "Yes," said Mrs. Tiercy, pretending to be busy with a knot in tbo second child's shoe. "She has gone. But how did you know it? "Van Orden stopped at the store to tell me," answered Mr. Piercy. "Strange, wasn't it? And quite ro mantic, too." "What on earth is the man talking about ?" eaid Mrs. Piorcy, aroused at lost into something like active inter est. "Why, didn't Plume tell you? It seems that those lust investments that poor Oswald fancied he had beggared himself witb, have turned up trump cards after all. And Van Ordeu telle mo that Oswald's widow is worth a hundred and fifty thousand dollars." Mrs. Abel Piercy turned first green, then crimson. Alas for the fatal blun der sho bad committed I Alas for the ruined chances of her three little girls to inherit their aunt's money 1 She made some trivial excuse about a for gotten pocketbandkerchief, and went up stairs to weep the bitterest tear? she hart ever shed. It was a lesson to her, but it was an expensive one. For Plume Pieroy, al though she always remained on the most excellent terms with her kind lit tle brother-in-law, never crossed Mrs. Abel's threshold again. She had been too deeply etung too bitterly insul ted there. "And it's all my own fault," sadly reflected Mrs. Abel. "Oh, dear! oh, dear I why can't we scs a little way into the future?" Saturday Night. Tlio t'hlumnaii and t lie Iiriian. Whore the American Indians came from is a problem that has vexed eth nologists. One overzoalous clergy man has writteu a book to prove that they are the lost tribes of Israel. Other writers have attempted toolassify thorn with tbo Malays and the Celts. One of the latott comers into this field of research is Dr. J. C. Thorns, of No. 1280 Herkimer street, Brooklyn, who has an office in 21 Pell street. Ha is a Chinaman, who came to this conn try about twenty years ago, and who was graduated from tho Long Island College of Physicians aud Surgeone. Dr. Thorns is writing a book to prove the identity of tho Indian and Mongolian races. Tho habit of smok ing and the stylos of pipes which have existed iu both races for many cen turies are part of his argument. He calls attention to the fact that Alaska and Not thorn China are less than thirty miles apart at'ono point. There is an Indian living in China town. His parents were killed iu a massacre in California when be was a child. A Chinaman adopted him and brought him up to the Chinese cus toms. Ho wears a queue, a blouse and clogs, and it is safe to say that not one person in a hundred would know from bis features that he is not a Chiuamau by birtu. New York Herald. Source of Ailment. Most of the ailments whioh are com monly called "bilious,"are caused, says the British Medioal Journal, by too much food of a rich nature, and too much drink of a sweet or alcoholic character, combined with far too little exercise iu the open air. The liver at tempts to get rid of tha superfluous materials thrown into the circulation, and, being overworked, rebels and gout, rheumatism, gravel, dyspepsia, headache and constipation are the on ward and visible signs of its inaction iu those who live too well and live a sedentary life. The prescription of a bicyolo and the reocomendation to use it wisely and well works like a charm in such cases, and in all the symptomatic ail ments which arise from too much "aoid" in the system. It is interest ing to note that cycling sometimes has the effect of thinning the obese and fattening the thiu, and this may partly be explained by Murchisou's abservations that excessive leanness, as well as excessive corpulence, is often caused by inaction of tho liver,and the stimulus of regular exercise setting tho function of that organ right,causei tbo disappearance of what was only e symptom. Lighting a Cigar With Ice. Reoently a promiuent luwyer arrived in Washington for a consultation re garding soiiio patent cases. During tho conversation a match to light u cigar was lucking, and the Washing toniuu remarked that a piece of iye wonld do just as well. Tho lawyer laughed and was incredulous and a wager was made. The Washiugtonian took a piece of clear ice about an inch thick from the water cooler, whittled it iuto the shape of a disk, and with the palms of his bands melted its two eides convex, thus giving the form of a double oonvex lens or burning glass. With it be fooused the sun's rays on the eud of bis oigar aud lastly set it on fire. Scienoe News. A iiemuikuble Mail. Marshall Fcrgerson, who lived in Owiuuott County, Georgia, near Stone Mountain, uud who died two weeks ago, was a remurkablo man, says tho Savannah News. Ho had reachod tho age of cighty-sii, and bo aud bis wife had lived together for over sixty yeurs. Ho made forty-two crops with two horsoH, having plowed one for twenty aud tho other for twenty-two years. Touifuo lo t to Shvo Life. A New York florist recently was stung iu tho tongue by a small iu"4ot. The injury was so serious that a sur geon was compelled to cut tbo man's I tougue out iu order to savo his life. Sm.NIIMC AM) IXOUSTKIAt. Tt is said that roft wood nndor pres sure becomes considerably harder thau hard wood under pressure. Wheu tho British sparrow hawk ii flying toward its dinner it cleaves space at the rate of 15 J miles an hour. An electric boat has been'constructed for the inspection of the famous sewers of Paris. It pulls itself along by e chain lying in tha bottom. About thirty thousnnd lamps, gas, clectrio and naphtha, are now utilized in illuminating the street?, avonues, parks, docks and bridgos of Ne-v York City. A serum cure for the bubonic plngne has been discovered by Gcrsin of the Paris Pasteur Institute. He made his first experiments at Amoy, just after the plague of Hong Kong, China, in 1894. An English motor car maunfaclmrei is building a two-story steel house to run on wheels, propelled by a motor under it. Tbo top story is col lapsifclo, so as to enablo the bouse to pass un bridges. The micro-organisms thus far dis covered in tho water supplied to the citizens of Brooklyn are said to be of the non-poisonous variety, but the; are just the food on which tho poison ous microbes thrive. Four cakes of manufactured ioe averaging more than 800 pounds enob were taken from the vats of au Orange (Texas) company. Ono weighod 9000 pounds and measured sixteen foct by eight and was fourteen inches thick. A method of purifying water is in nso in certain continental towns. It is to pass it through revolving vessels containing soraps of iron. The iron forms a 'gelatinous precipitate witb tho impurities makes thorn "settle.' United States Cousul Steiner, a! Munich, Bavaria, informs tho Depart ment of State that a second exhibition of power and labor machiues will be held there in lS'.lS, aud American man ufacturers are invited to participate. A recent report of the Stato Geolo gist says that the total productiou of oil in Indiana wus 4,380,000 barrels in 1895, valued at 8:i,100,800. Tho proba bilities are that the area of territory productive of o:'l will continue slowly to spreid to the West and South until it finally embraces tho greater part ol the area yicldiug natural gas. The cause of sound in a steam whistle is tho same as in any form of of whistle or an organ-pipe, viz., a vi bration of the atmosphera induced by a vibration set up in a steam jet di rected against the edge of the bell, the vibration of the air or steam col umn in the bell inlluenoing tho tone according to its length and diameter, A Hydrophobia Hospital. The projected Buisson Hospital, for the cure of hydrophobia, has already been opened near the Crystal Palace, iu Loudon, and when I return to America I shall very much wish there was an institution of the kind t hero. Tho system of cure is by vapor baths, and is taken up in opposition to tho Pasteur treatment by persons who are largely and intensely auti-viviecction-lute, and who believe that the torture of largo numbers of dogs incident to Pasteur's germ cure is a brutal and inhuman practice. However, humauo though I claim to be, that does not interest the world at large as keenly as the faot that these men (inoluding soma very omiuent ones, indeed,) de clare that hundreds and hundreds of cases of hydrophobia treated in the Pasteur maunor have resulted in the doath of tho patients. In other words, they allege that the Pasteur cure is no certain care at all, whereas the cures by vapor bath treatment have beer very wonderful, and almost, if not quite, invariable. The discovery of this process is at tributed to a French provincial prac titioner, who is stated to have beeu, soma fifty years ago, infected with the virus of a mad dog by wipiug his hand, ou which was a skin laceration, with a towel impregnated by tho saiiva of tho diseased animal. There is no special poison in the too h fangs themselves, but the contamination is in the secre tions, and M. Buisson is recorded to have cured himself by three or four applications ol the vapor bath. What I have read ou the eubject ha deeply impressed mo, aud if I were bitten by a dog, supposedly mad, and wore in the wilds of Canada or Africa, away from all medical aid, I would ooutideutlv set about to cure myself by merely boiling water iu a can or dish and sitting over it well enveloped iu blankets.; Quito as simple as thut have been some of tbo methods resorted to by those who believe thut poison iu the systym can bo sweated out of the body. Tho now hospital iu Norwood, Loudon, is iu the charge of a man skilled in the uso of tho Turkish or Oriental bath uud tho moderu hot va por bath. Treatment there is given free, though if tha patients havo to stay for a cour-so of treatment they must pay their way for board and lodging somewhere iu tho neighbor hood. Philadelphia Ledger. (juccr Hciifclons heel. The Mugglctonians were a religious eeut that aroso iu Eugland iu tho mid dle of tho seventeenth century, being so denominated from their louder, Ludovio Mug;1ftou, a journeyman tailor, who, with uuother impostor, named Reeves, usscrte l th.it thoy were tlio two laht witiie-iMM of God that should uppuar Loforo tuo cud of the world. .uiisi-u and His Yil. Dr. Nunsou, it i sai 1, is about to bo remarried to his wife, in conseipieuuo of tlio fact thut prior to bis departure ou bin last voyu jo iu narch of tlio North i'ulo bo divorce I her, in order to permit her to uiarry Ujjuiu in case of his disuupeurauco or death without oiug to the trouble of proving his du-coasv. L'UGMEKKYSIDE OF LIFE. ITORtfcS THAT ARTS TOLD BY THE rffSNT KEN OF THE PRESS. lie "Lny Ily" tlio Wall Depended on circumstances nuotie itc vense A Consolius Keuture, Ktc. 3e found himself beside an old stone wall, Prone In the showr s drenehtnir tusillnae; 3f how he (tot there he'd no doubt ut all Ills bike had balked aud dumped hi in in the shade. 3e looked from rocky backstop to tho rills Of cloudsent moisture, then did mildly sny, 'This mother's wlso injunction quite ful fils To 'iny by something for a rainy day.' " liostou Courier. SCI1TLE REVEXOE. "Vnn snv vnn rrot even with that tingy relative of yours by iving his toy a bicycle? How is that?" "Don't you see? It'll cost bim nore to buy the extras than I paid for he whool." roMpr.Ar-EXT. "Aren't vou clad to see it clearing iff?" said tho cheerful man. nil." renlind the man who kinks. 'I d'no. I don't see why wo mightn't iz well be worryin bout wet wcatner iz 'bout hot weather." Washington itar. DETEHDED OS CIHfX'MSTAJICES. "Tlefnrn T pivn mv consent to mv laughter's marriage to you, young nan, 1 want to Know wuui your pros loots for tho future are." "I am trying to 6ettlo that question low, sir." Philadelphia North Amer can. scARrrrr oi excitement. Tippie "Thero does not seem to o much exoitemout for you girls lown here." Sibyl "No; fourteen of us are on agod to tho hotel clerk, ond tho rest ire waiting for tho proprietor, who in 11 in bed. "Puck. A CONSOLING KEATCIVB. "Isn't it sad that tbo flowers fade?" laid tho girl with tho pootio tempera nout. "It is sad," ropliod the young man, vho had to say something to tho girl vith tho poetical temperament; "lint t's a good thing for tho florists." Puck'. orvisa nisi a lesson. Mother "It ehooks mo awfully to ,hiuk you took the penny. Rumoiu er, it is ns much a siu to steal a luuny as a dollar. Now, how do you 'eel, Willy?" Willy "Like a chump 1 Thero was t dollar right alougsido tho pouuy." 3uok. ri'llMC T!ON. "Know all women by thoso pros mts," began a sagacious attorney ou a 3ublio proclamation. "Know all mon," etj., corrected a fellow-lawyor. "That's all right," explained tho irst. "If tho women know it, tho ncn will soon hear of it." Wushiug ;ou Times. ritOFITED UY TOUTUKE. Now Admirer (to popular low jomediau) "But how did you aoquiro ;ho kuack of pulling thoso hideous faoos?" "That's tho result of my early train ing." "Indeed?" "Yes; I learnod to shava mysolf whon quite young." ECONOMIC.!. "Tho prosont trouble is that there are too inauy mou for tho rumber of jobs," said tho amateur lecturer ou Iho situation. "Aud that ain't all, mister," inter rupted Dismal Duwsou. "Another trouble is that there is too much work to the job after a man gets it." In dianapolis Journal. IT MAKES A DIPFBRENCB. Big Sister (shouting to Bobby) "Bobby 1 You'ra wanted to do uu ol rand." Bobby (shouting baok) "Toll mother I cau't do it now. I'm busy." Big Sister "It's not mother who wants you; it's father." Bobby (hastily) "All right. Tell him I'm coming." O.lds and Ends. nis DEDIUTION. "Mamma, what is heredity?" asked Bobby, shedding a few tears uud labor iously trippiug over tho syllables of tha long word. "Why, it is is is something yon get from your fattier or me," replied tho mother. Silence of two minutes, and moio tears. "Then, run," ho asked, "is spanking horeditury?" Texas Sifter. HOW HE HAD TUB LAl'UII. A facetious lawyer had under cross-examination u simple-looking youth who rejoiced iu the name of Samsou, uud resolved to ruise a laugh ut his ex pense. "Aud bo," questioned tho legal light, "you wish tbo court to boliovo that you uro a peaceably disposed aud inoffensive kind of porsou?" "Yes." "Aud that you buvo no desir.i to follow iu tlio step of your illustrious namesake uud smite tho l'hilitiuos?" "Xo, 1'vo not," auwered tlio wit ness. "And if I hud tho desire, I uiu't got tha power ut present." "Then you think you wculd bo uu ablo to oopo suecu'wIuUy with u thou sand enemies uud utterly rout them with tho jawlioue of un iims?" "Well," answered tho rulllod Sam son, "I might havo a try wheu vo.i have douo with tho weapon." Tit-Bits. A GARLAND, Prooplnir harebells, w'.ill. and bins., Noddin? on your slender stalks. Turn her Iboaiils to whore ye (rrew Mln I her of oar woodlau 1 wu'lu. Rushes, rinit before her eyes Marshy moorland, boulder strewn Where the loiiu-bllb-l curlews' criur Break tho drowsy culm of noon. tlenther, waft the scent to her Of purp'.e-jrtieeted hlllij; Willow branuh, brinir sound and st' Of innumerable rills. Azure-bluo forget-me-not, Askest thou thy mtmingn m ct? Kathlcss thou full well dost wot What to whisper lo iny sweet. Elizabeth Olbson, in St. I'.iul's. HUMOlt OF THE DAY. New Way to Propose : "Will yon go with mo on my wedding trip, miss?" Fliegonde Blaittor. "Is kiBsiug a common or a pronor noun?" nskod tho teacher. "Both," answered the girl with the coral lips. Detroit Eree Press. Tapa, why do thoy call langnago the 'mother-tongue?'" "Because tho father fo Aeldom gets a chauoe to uso it." Chicago Record. "Tubbs says he's boon making n number of improvements about his home recently." "Yes, I noticed he's sold tho piano." Tit-Bits. Teacher "What is meant by 'opa que?'" Pupil "There isn't auy such thing now, teacher, siuoo those 'X' rays were discovered." l'uclt. "Oh, Nell. I havo just heard of your marriaofo. Did you make a good match?" "I believo that our families havo not decided yet." Ttuth. "My son-in-law hadn't a cent of debts when he married my daughter." "Then he must have married out of pure bravado." Fliogeudo Blaetter. She "Siuco my return from tho South of Franco I'm uuotber woman." Sarcastic Friend "How delighted your husband must bo." London Tit Bits. "Is Miss Cahoots in?" impaired tho caller. "That depends ou you. Aro yez Misther Jonas?" said Bridget. "Yes." "She's gon' out." Harper's Bazar. "I knew a fellow that could tame a tiger with a glance of his eye." "What became of him?" "tie's dead. He tried it on a bicycle scorcher." Chicago Record. "Uncle George, when doos a woman come to yeurs of discretion?" "When, on making up a luncheon, she loaves out pickles and puts iu hard-boiled eggs." Chicago Record. Miss Bloomtield "Isn't Mr. Point Breeze au easy-going chap?" Miss Bloomer "When ho culls ou me ha seams to find it very difficult to go." Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. "What is Whillett's reputation for veracity?" asked Rinketts of Jazzatu. "It was excellent uutil he began to try to make century runs on bis vihool," replijd Guzzaui. Detroit Free PreEs. "Whut was that noiso I hoard before Mr. Stedly went'" "I don't know, mamma, uuless it was tho question." "What do you menu? What has a question to do with noise?" "He popped it." Brooklyu Life. "Can I get anything on this watch?" asked the society burglar, as ha pre sented a stolon chronometer at tha sign of the Three Bulls. "About four years, I should think," replied the de tective, who hud been waiting for tha missiug goods to turn up. Tit-Bitf. Client "Good moruiug, Mr. Swell ploodjlhave just recoived your bill for getting mo off iu ut assault uud buttery case the other day." Mr. Swell plead "Ah, yes, to bo Bure. Any further iuformatiou I cau givo you obout it?" Client "Yes. I'd like to know if I cau chanaa my miud and go to jail instead." Truth. "What's this?" tho Sultan shoutod. "Do they propose to interfore with ray killing u few people whenever I fool like it?" "Thut seems to bo tho idea, sire," said his prune minister. "Humph. I'll c.rcumveut Jthair im prudouoo." "In what way, sire?" "I'll abdicate uud got u job running a trolley car." Washington Star. "Young muu," suid her futher, "1 think you are a straightforward, ener getic person, and 1 should not object to you iu tho slightest as a on-iu-law. However, my daughter's wishes iu such a mutter must bo cousultod." "Do you not -think that sho will eventually return my devotion?" "Very likely. But you must give her time. She has just bought a new bicycle, you know." Washington Star. Poiiipeiluu Soup. In the unearthed city of Pompeii, the proservutiou of which has baeu the menus of revealing many autique cus toms, there is to bo seeu a soup mauu factory, with all the kettles aud para phernalia pertaining to tha busiuoss. Also a quautity of soap, evidautly tho product of this uuciont "aoapery. " St. Louis Globe-Democrat. Heavy Japanese I u test incuts. Japan's Diet voted Sfi.OOO.OO.) for tho construction of ruiltouds, tele graphs aud cables ut its last sossiou, uud 3'J7,Ol)i),OUJ for tho construction uud purchase of war materials uuj ships. Siuco Jauuarv, 1805, -filOu,. 000,000 has beeu invested by Japanese in buuks, railroads uud other com panies. Testiui; Arrow, in Jupuu urohers test their urrow by balancing them on tho nails of tha second aud third fingers of tho left hand, aud rapidly twirling them by the feathered ond with tlio fingers of tha right ban 1. if tha arrow make a whirnug sound it is crooked aud must be btraighteuod. Pittsburg Dispatch.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers