(The Forest Republican b puullihod every Wodn -aday, by J. E. WE NIC. Office In SmcarbauRh & Co.'i Building ELM STREET, TIONE8TA, TK. Xorms, - HI.IMI Per Year, No subscriptions received for a shorter period (linn throe month. Correspondence sollelto 1 from nil parts of the country. No notlos will be taien of anonymous ooiuuiunloailon. RATES OF ADVERTISING! One Rqnare, one Inch, on. Insertion . .1 1 "0 One Square, on. inch, on month. . 8 on One gquare. one inch, three months. . n W One t-'quare, one Inch, one year...... 1" Ol Two Squnre, one year I1 Quarter Column, one year JJ"" Half Column, one year....... , , One Column, one year 100 IW Legal advertisement ton cents per line each Insertion. Marriages and deith notices gratis. All hills tory.arlyadvertis"m;iiU collected quarterly Temporary advertisements must Lie pai l in advene Job work cash on del I Tar y. REPUBLICAN VOL. XXIX. NO. 27. TIONESTA. PA., WEDNESDAY, OCT. 2I..1896. 81.00 PER ANNUM. FOREST Trafn robbery is punlsablo by death in Arizona. Tbe Supremo Court has just uphold tlio constitutionality of tbo statute. When Lt Ilnug Cbnng was in Glas gow bo told tbe Scotobmou tbnt tbelr bagpipes reminded liitn of China. They cnu't mnko out whotber ho meant it for n ooiuplimont or not. Li ITuug Chang is keeping a diary of his trip nronud tlio world. Whether the old diplomat will publish the re mit of bis observations or not will probably bo settled by tbo personngo who manufactures tbe yellow jackets at I'ckin. A New York young man has fonnd it Decenary to apply to tbo oonrts for protection from a girl who is iu love with him and who pursues him with attentions, relates tbo Washington. Blnr. This inoidcot invoMs tbo "now wunisu" with augmented terrors. It was once raid that there was little- or no drunkenness in Franca, where tbe people indulged frocdy in light wines, bat suoh eooras to bo no longer tbo cao. A man's temporanoo nteoointion has been established re cently iu Paris, and there is declared to be great need for it. Boys ITnrppt'a Weekly : It was ro- cently reported that tbo post of mlli tnry nltnclio to tbe Amcrioan Embnesy to London was vacant, and had bcon of fcrcd to three officers, all of whom have declinod it on tho. eronnd that their falnrics could not support tho tlignily of tbo job. It is a Tory pretty place, and one that has not bcon used to go begging. It calls for an officer of the rnnk of major, and gtvos him little tn do except to look handsome nnd to mloru London socioty with his presence. Ho is entitled to wear tho most decorativo clothos of any ono ronncctod with the embassy. When he rides ont with the Embassador he goes on tho front feat lnsido, nnd not on tbe box seat with the coachman, as ill-informed persons bavo erroneously supposed. Opportunities to meet folks that really nr folks come to him daily. Ho dinos out nearly every night, nud seldom is at loss for hearty meal of nourishing food. His chief expenses are for lodgings and cab hire, but the hesitation of worthy oflicers to accept the place indicates tbnt even those expenses may bo too considerable. Tbo real trouble must bo tbnt tbo majors in Uncle Sam's nrruy nro iniddlo-agod men with fami lies, and a salary that might maintain tbo nllacho himself well enough in London will not also maiutain his family, cither at homo in his sbsenoe or with him abroad. If lieutenants had rank enough for the placo, it would probably bo rosy to keep it filled with young unmarried offloon of tho rrqniuilo stature and ooraoliness. .... 1 . ..- A rrry curious etato of affairs it ro ported from Franoc, whoro the popu lation, which has been decreasing for roino lime, is growing at an alarmingly fccblo rate. Far some time the do- create among tueironoh bas boon a causo of comment among European economists, but in most oases it has: been ascribed to tho troraondotts do ntruetion among the men who, during tho rriistiau war, wore juot entering upon tho middle years of manhood. This excuse enn be used no longer, nnd it is noted with mortification among the French leaders that tbe present trifling increaso in the popu lation is due chiefly to the immigra tion of peoplo from other Nations. Tbo wisest observers of tho situation claim to bavo found tho reason for this sudden arrest in National growth, and their explanation is both plausi ble and an importuut object lesson for people of other hinds. It is pointed out that tbe increase of taxation in France to keep up tbo burden of tho National debt has been such that peo plo who, eouio yonrs ago, wore per fectly willing to assume tho respon sibility of supporting a bouoohold are sow afraid to make the venture. The French peasant is provorbially thrifty, and ouo of the ohiof ends of his thrift is to supply his childron with enough means upon which to make a respecta ble start in life. If be cannot support a family and leave it in comparatively easy circuiuelaucoB he prefers to havo no family to support, lie would rathor forego the attompt to keep up a house- bold if ho believes that possibly Lis (ttteiupt may bo a failure. This fact is now offered in explanation of the remarkable falling offiu tho growth of French population, aud the Chioago Bcoord maintains "it is a plansiblo cue. There could bo no better proof ol tbo intimate relationship which National Wii-lat ion bears to individ nnl nud Natioual prosperity. The laws which oppress tlio peoplo of a Nation liurt it physically Just as surely as they hurt it financially." JL1VIVO. IVs only llvo oncoj nud death's terrors With life's bowers and roses entwine, s.ud our lives would be dnrkoned by errors Did wo even, like eats, possess nine! fh v would be, perhaps, nil of them wasted, And recklessly squandered nwny, and not half of tbo ovs would be tastol That one Ufa oan ornbraoo lu a lay. Let tho lives that we llvo bo worth living, Lot tho days that we spend bo well spout; Lot us savo for tho plonsure of giving, And not borrow at fifty por cent.) Lot us never consa loving nod learning, And uso lifo for Its noblest ends; Then whoa dust to dust Is roturnlug, We shall llvo In the hearts of our fronds. MY CUUM. KATE. HAT was my por trait, without a doubt of it. Why should Miriam Mowbray have been so absorbed in it? Why should she have been so startled on detect ing my presence in tbo library? And then a do lightful, blissful feeling shot through mo, I staggered for a moment like one intoxicated intoxioated with my own happiness. I paid to myself a few minutes since that if I could but detect the portrait on which Miriam's attention hud been flxod I would bo master of her secret. Was that so? I had found the por trait. Had it really uiudo mo tho master of her secret? 1 panted as I put to mysolf the ques tion, and drew a deep breath. Then I strove to answer it with other ones tions. The master of her secret I Was that secret love aud was it love for me? Yes, I felt 6nre of it. What other answer could there be? She had loved me all along. She had "lot conoeal inent, like a worm in tho bud, feed on bcr damask chcok, 1 was in tho seventh heaven of delight. Mine, after all, would bo the privilege of breathing that potent word whioh would start my Gulateu into life. I descended to tho drawing room and found that not only bad tbe argu meet ended, but that irasoible old Mowbray bad dopartod and, of course, Miriam had departod with him. "The old bear I" I exolaimed. "That's tho acimul hois, and not an artichoke. He would be a libel on the vegetable kingdom 1 By Jovo, Miriam must have a lively time of it, ono way or the other. I must ohango all that by and by. I was already boginning to regard nor as my wife, and was mentally en gaged in the prospective duty of clip ping my fathor-in-law's wings, when a band was coaly thrust into my arm, and, waking from my dream, I saw the bright eyes of Kate looking up into mine. They were usually dancing with a mischievous light, but they were serious now. "Well, Bob," she asked, "how did you get on? Have you said anything toMirium? You have given mo tho right to ask you, you know." "To tell the truth, Kate, I have scarcoly spoken two words to her." "Oh, then I was not guilty when I oamo upon you in tbe library of inter rapting an avowal. I folt very un comfortable at that time, for Miriam looked awfully conscious and still more awfully scarlet, and you looked well, 1 don t know bow you looked, Hob. lt was a sort ol expression .ball i say r "Please, Kato, "Well, it was the sort of expression you would expeot to Und ou tbe faco of a man wno nau lust plotted up a parcel aud wasn't qnito sure what was inside. I laughed. "Your keen eyes don't miss much, Kate. You havo gucssod Bomewhere noar the truth. When yon came upon mo in tho library I had inado a dis covery, but it was only a partial dis covery. I bad found out that Miriam Mowbray was groatly interested in a portrait. I could net at tho time make out whoee it was. I have since ex tended my knowledge." "well? sho asked eagerly. 'Xow, Kate," I said, teasing her, "that's where the curiosity of woman comes in. You are as bad as the rest of your sex, I doclaro. Of course you nro burning with curiosity to know whoso portrait it was couiess now I "Indeed, sir, I am not. I keep my curiosity for better things. My wo man's wit is not so sluggish that it has not already guessod your mystery. "Hal ha I I laughocl. "You think so, 1 11 torgive you ir yon nave, nere, I will tear this sheet from my pocket book. Oblige me by writiug upon it tbe name of the person In whoso portrait Miriam was in' terostod? "Freoisely." Sho took the paper and penoil I banded to her ana wroto upon it a name. bho gave me back the penoil, but not tbo slip of paper. "Am I not to hold the paper?" I asked. "Yon shall see it," she answered, foldiug it tightly up, "after you havo shown me tho portrait. "Very well, Misi Distrustful," I said. "ft was Miss Curiosity jti.st now, You are partial, Bob, to calling poo plo bard unraoc lou are as bad as ibo rest of your sex, I declare," she said, ptrtly turning the tables upon ruo for my language of a moment or so since, "But, come, take me to sco this wonderful portrait." I took bcr to the library, opened tbo album, and turned again to my portrait. "There, Miss Pert," I said, pointing to it trmnipbautly with my linger, "there is tho portrait iu which Mies ( N Mowbray was so greatly interested. Will you havo the kindness to hand me over that slip of paper!" Kate did not answer, but firstlooked at me and then at the portrait. Then sho closed the album and lookod again at me. There was a look in hor eyes such as I had never seen there before. It was of wonder and yet of pity pity for me, who cousidored myself the Happi est mau on earth t But that was the way with Kato. If bho's a woman of rcsouroe, she's a wo man of surprises as well. With her it is usually tho unexpected that hap- pons, "I have performed my part of tbe bargain, Kato. I have satisfied your curiosity. Will you now have the courtesy to perform yours? You have written a certain name upon a piece of paper. Will you have the kindness to baud it to me? "I otnnot, Bob I cannot." I caught a distinot tremor in her voice as she euid it. "How so? You deoline to sbow mo that paper?" "I promised to give it to you after you had shown me the portrait, bnt I did not say immediately after. You shall see it soma day ; I promise you." A sheer evasiou, Kate, and not like you. However, it is a matter of nttlo conseiuonce. "Of little consequence, as you say." "The ono important thing is that 1 have made a great discovery all through that album. You guess what it is, Kate? " "lhat that she stammered. "That Miriam Mowbray loves me 1" I said triumphantly. bhe glanced at me again with that look I had just before seen iu her eyes half pity, half wonder; then she said tremulously : "Ion you will speak to her to morrow, will you not?" "Yes, Kate, You are the only one to whom I have whispered my eeorot ; and and I know you wish me good luck in my wooing." ' "In that and in all things, Bob? Tho swoet eyes looked straight into mine, as she held out her hand ; I hold it for a moment i then sho withdrew it hastily and escaped from the room. The next day I visited tbe Mow- brays. The time was opportune, Mr, Mowbray was out, but Miss Mowbray was in. 1 hurry over that disastrous inter view, I urged my suit with what elo- quunoo I could oommand. My pro posal was at first j'coeivcd with chilling silence, and tuen came tbe crushing intimation that it was declined. I will do her the justice, however, to say that she lot down a follow as goutly as the circumstanoes would per mit. She acknowledged to me that she loved another, and I believe there were tears in her eyes I em certain there were in bcr voice as she made tho oonfession. Her father, she candidly admitted, was opposed to her lover, aud had declined to sanction his ad vances. Ho had promised, however, to reconsider his verdict in the evont of the young fellow's prospcots im proving in three years. That time had nearly elapsed. Until that time bad elapsed they had given their sacred word of honor that tho secret of their love for each other should not bo dis closed, und they bad further promised that no communication should pass between them I oould not but admire a woman who remained thus faithful both to her father and her lover, evon though that fidelity proved at the same time the death blow to my hopes. 1 think that 1 stammered out some' thing to that effect as I bowed myself from the room, and kept asking ' my self: "Who is the mvsterious lover? And why was she so absorbed in my portrait in the album? ' Life seemed very blank to me when I stood once more in the stroot. What should I do now? Isoarceknew, One thing, however, was very certain. Be fore I did, anything I must first con sult my cLnm my chum Kate. I turned my step to her home. Here a greater disastor awaited me. Kate had left Templeton that morning on a visit to an aunt in Durham, lt was quite nnoertain when ehe would re turn, but she would not be back for a month, at least. It was not until a day or two had passed that I began to realize all I had lost iu tho sweet companionship of Kate. It was not merely her loyalty, her unfailing brightness and sympathy, but not till then did I understand the gap she had filled in the last three years in my life. lou will say that 1 was ttokie, im pressionablo, infirm of purpose, lack iug resolution and a knowledge of my own mind. Well, I am content that that oharge should be made agains me. My siraplo reply is that you did not know Kate. She was one of those who, by their very unselfishness, are never adequately valued until you miss their voice, their smile, their hand, Most of us pursue our illusions. My illusion was Miriam Mowbray. Slowly I began to see that in tho background of that illusion there was a reality Kate liraud. Burely a month had elapsed whon there came the uows that Kate was ill I should have liked to have gono to her aud console hor, as she so often consoled me; but what could I do i tho circumttuuees? It was my practice to visit the Brand daily, to make inquiries how anx iously they could not guess about Kate. One morning I fouud au array truuks und traveling bags iu tho hall, For a moment 1 thought she might have returned, nnd my heart loupe endly to my mouth. But who should coiue forward and clasp me warmly by tbo baud but Uuy (itiy Brand, her brother returned from tho Capo I "Guy 1" I exclaimed. "Bob, old follow! Yon soarcely e.'pcctod to tea mc, did you? b said, seeing my look of astonishment "Indeed, I didn't !" I might have added, that, next to seeing Kate, his was tbo most welcome face I oould have seen. "Come, Bob," he said, taking me by the arm in tbe old familiar way of onr college days, "I have much to say to you." " He took me to the room the li brarywhere I had my lost interview with Kate, llow often 1 bad sinco recalled it. "We are old chums, Bob," he said, "and I am going to speak to you frankly. I am far from a spiritualist, hypnotist, or anything of that kind; but there must be a community ol spirit between up, for I find that, though so far separated from aoh other, we have been on the same track." "The same traok," I repoated, scaroely knowing what to make of this strange preliminary.' "Yes, on the same track. First, answer me one question are you still enamored with Miriam Mowbray?" I was staggered by tbe question. How should he know that I had been enamored with Miriam Mowbray? He was searohing me with bis eyes us he poke. Apparently satislied with tbe scrutiny, he pnt into my hands a letter to him, dated three months liaok, from his sister Kate. I can soarcely tell yon the astonish ment with whioh I read it. I wa tho beginning of lt ; I was the end of it. It set forth the confessions J had made to her of my love for Miriam Mowbray ; it magnified a thousandfold the little service I had done for Quy in the past; and it ended by an ap peal to him to give me a fair field in trying to win Miss Mowbray's hand. Was there ever suoh a letter penned from sister to brother? "I cannot understand it. I am al together mystided," 1 auswered. Just so, Jjet me throw a little light on tho situation. Yon did not know, because it was a secret, but be fore I left Eugland for South Africa before, in fact, tbe illness through whioh you helped to nurso me- -I was the fortunate lover of Miriam Mowbray; fortunate in one sense, bnt unfortun ate in another, since Mr. Mowbray would not at that time aoknowlodgo me beoause I had not made a position for mysolf. Now do yon see why Kate wrote to me?" "I I auderstand," I stammered. "My answer to the letter was " "Oh, you needn't say, Quy. I soe it all." clasping him bv the hand. "Your answer to that letter was 'Let my old chum go in and win,' but I have lost, and you?" "Can 1 say that l have won, old fel low?" "Yes, Quy ; yes ; I am not afraid of hearing the truth. My illusion is quite gone. 1 oau only wish you what your noble sister wished me good luok in your wooing. By the bye, would you mind handing me that al bum at you elbow? Ouy handed it to me in some sur prise at my sudden request. Thanks, 1 said. "ar Jon me one moment. I quickly turned over the paos again. I need not have done so ex cept to furthor couvinoe myself that I was an ass. I saw at once the portrait in whioh Miriam Mowbray was absorbed on that night when I was deoeived into be lieving that she loved me. I had pnt the pencil mark on the pago at whioh tho album was open, bnt I had left entiroly ont of the question the por trait on the opposite side, which was tbe portrait of Guy Brand. As old chums we had been placed In tbe album faoing eaoh other. Kate had, of course, seen my mistake, but rather than wound my feelings or my vanity whioh was it? had not hinted a suspicion of the truth. Love in more senses than one is blind. The same day I discovered that Kate was returning home. I gained permission to be her esoort. llow gladly X winged my way to Durham. I found her soarcely the Kate I had last seen her. Sho was pale, more subdued, but still the Kate 1 knew so well. There was less of tbo old brightness of outlook, perhaps, but she came for ward to greet me with that smile which bofore and since has been to me as a life beaoon. I said to her in awkward fashion all that had been flaming itself into a speeoh on the way down. The answer whioh I received this time was far different from that which I reoeived to my other petition. When her head was resting on my breast she asked me coyly through a mist of happy tears: "Would you like to see tint thit slip of paper from your notebook, Bob?" "No, dear," I said with a smile. "I think I know by this time the name you wrote on that paper. Besides, I am above the feminine instinct of of " "Curiosity," I was about to add, but she cut me short with a kiss. Cassell's Magazine. Buy Ally ou a t iro Kugiu?. A ltoyal Duchess aud a German Princess riding on a tire engtuo wai the sight that gratided one-quarter of London recently. Tue Duchess of Albany, with ber sister, I'riucess Elizabeth of Wnldook-Pyrmont, visited the Southwark Fire Department, when a fuko ulurm aud a tire drill were arranged, and tho Princesses wore driven to tho tire on tho ruiiuhiuo. Ancient t'auiillei. Tho Champbolls of Argyll begin in 1100. Talleyrand dates from lt'JJ; Bismarck from 1270; the Gro.sveuor family, the Dukes of Westiuiuster. 106J; the Austrian homo of JIaps burg goos back to Uj-', and the bouse of Bourbon to 801. The desocuduut of Mohammed, born 570, uro all regis tered carefully aud authoritatively iu JSCIEMIFIC AM) INDUSTRIAL. A new kind of watorproof dress goods is being manufactured in Franco ont of the feathers of geese, ducks and hens, treated in a peculiar manner. Threads of sbreddod steel are used in Germany as a substitute for sand paper. It is said to work more quiokly and uniformly than sandpaper and does not clog. A method of niokelling wood has bcon devised by the German chemist Langbein, the wood being covered by a thin coating of metal by either a dry or wet prooess. A French astronomer is of opinion that tbe red glow of the planet Mars is caused by crimson vegetation. Ho thinks that the grass and foliage there are red, not green, as they are on earth. An English motor car manufacturer is building a two-story steel house to run on wheels, propelled by a motor under it. The top story is collapsible so as to enable the house to pass under bridges. Tho air after u heavy enowfall or showor is usually very olear, beoause tbe snow or rain in tailing brings down with it most of the dust aud im purities, and leaves the atmosphere exceedingly ok-ar. A submarine mountain range has been discovered in the southern part of Davis Strait by the Danish steamer Ingulf, whiob has been oarrying on deep-sea explorations on the Iceland and Greenland coasts, for tbo past two years. President Octave Channte, of the American Society of Civil Engineers, has oflferod a prize of 3100 for the best monograph on tbe kite, giving a lull tbeorv of its mechanics and stability, with quantitative computations ap pended. The Frenoh periodical L'Eleotricite has an article on some successful ex periments of Dr. Dalmas in killing tbo phylloxers and other organisms dangerous to plants by means of eleo trio currents, after wetting tho Boil with metallic solution". Balloons in France cost from 8100 to 8000 for those holding 500 oubio motres of gas and from $1000 to $1203 for those oontainiug 1500 oubio metres, the largest size usually made, They ure lot at the rate of $20 or 8i0 a day in addition to the cost of tne gas, whioh is about four cents a cubio metre, so that a balloon excursion costs from 880 to S100. In Germany a new prooess of color iug leather is being exploited. Eleo tricity is utilized as the active agent, The leather is placed npon a zine table, which forms the positive pole, The dveins material is poured over this and the negative pole connected to the leather. Under the action of the current the coloring matter pone trates tho leather, and pattorns may bo designed upon the surfaoo by cover ing it with a pattern plate connected to the negative pole. The City ot Damascus. Damascus is the oldest city in th world. Tyre and Sidon have crumbled Palmyra is buried under desert sands and Kinevoh and Uubylon have dis appeared, but Damascus aloue re mains as it was in the days of Abraham a coat re of trade and travel. Dnmasous is an island ot verdure in a desert with martial and saored asso oiations extending through thirty oentnries. It was near Damascus that Saul of Tarsus saw the light. Tb caravans come aud go as they did 1000 yeais ago and the merchants of the Euphrates and Mediterranean still crowd the narrow streets. From Damascus come the damson onr blue plums and the delicious apri cot of Portugal called daraasoa, damask linen, the damask rose, which was in troduced to Eugland in the- timo of Henry VIII. Every one has heard ot the wonder' f ul Damascus swords, the secret of the make having been lost when Tamer lane carried off the artists to Persia, Tho swords are remarkablo for their keen edge aud wonderful elasticity. Painless ltiflo Bullets. Dr. Delorme, Burgeon-iu-ohief the French army, has been leoturin in Paris before the AcaTlamy of Medi cine on tho new steul-oonted rifle bul lets and their effects as projeoted from tbe modern magazine rifle, says the Daily News. The most remarkablo fact iu oonuection with them appears to bo this, that they cause very little pain to those who are struck by them. At Fourmies, during the riots there, one man was wotindod so badly .that he afterward suffered from paralysis, yet he did not even suspect ho was shot uutil he saw blood stains upon his clothes. Another man, who was shot through the leg,, described his sensa tions thus: "I felt a slight shiver come over me." Another, who was shot through the arm, oould only re member that his elbow twitohed and that bo involuntarily closed his list. Dr. Delorme finds that when the bul let meets with an obstacle at a short didance, say from 100 to 150 yards, they are very apt to explode, nnd tho pieces of metal are capablo of doin ecriou mischief. Sin rcp'.ltluui Photograph. One ot the most ingenious mothods iu tho world for photographing per sons au.l keepiug them in ignurauce of the fact is that ot tbo Bank of Franco. The bauk h is a hidden studio iu a gallery behind the casb'er's desk, so tliat at a signal lrom oue of the bauk employes auy suspect sd customer will imtautly have his picture takon without his ovvu kuovlodgo. The camera has also hecouio very usaful in tliu dutoutiou of frail Is, a word or liuro that to tho eye seemed com pletely erased being clearly produood iu photographs of tho iljcuuieut that j ha . en tuiupoi'ttl with. THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIE3 THAT ATII5 TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. The Sear, the Yellow Days Mi l'nii- ndclphU Her Cruelty Out Mght lteprcmolirn', Kte., Kto. I did not dream 'low could 1, Jan ? Tho time would co ne so soon Wliea so much !"( I'd think of thoj Than la tho days of June. Nay! chldn not! To thy paling chcet It-mill Its Ituslilng pink! Til" days, you know, nro shorter n v.v. 1'vo four hours lo-s to think! in rrrrLAiiEMniiA. She "I've bad to stop driukin; cofToo for breakfast." "Why?" "I found it kept, mo awake all day.' WIIEKE IT AFFECT 1?D nr.n. "Has Maud's head bcon turned by that fortune fIio inherited?' "No: only her now. It bastnrnod np about fifteen degrees." Cincinnati Enqnirer. AFTER A I.OSO ENOAOIiMfiNT. Dimlino: "Well, old man, I hopt von won't find marriago a failure." r ... ! I.. !.,... isewwea i biuuitcij uiiu For tbe courtship camo near bankrupt ing me." Truth. CLUB Morn. Wife "Will you come homo early thisevening?" Husband "Yes, probaiily that is, yon needn't keep tbo breakfast waiting if I am not here. Texas alitor. TLEASAST. ITa "now fearfully and wonder fully we aro m lo ! Tuiuk evan of my arms, what a mystery tboy nro?" She "Yes, but it nice to oe eu- voloped in mystery. 'Detroit lroa rross. nnn crcbltv. "I told hor I would lay tho world nl her foot." "What did yon say?" "She said if I was that nthletio 1 ought to be traveliug with a Bhow." Chicago Piecord. DECIDELY UNFAVORABLE, ne "Did Westsido make a favot able impression when he called the other night?" She "Not particularly so for him self. Ho accidentally sat down on his high hat." Buffalo Times. WAS nH A BAKING POWDER BABY ? Bilkins "That boy of mino is strong. He's only flvo years old, but he can raise twenty pounds!' Podrrers "Pooh? that's nothing. Minn in nnlv fivo month) old. but bo can raise tbe wholo houso !" Hur per'e Weekly. LOTS IN TUP. SAME LINE. "Jinks has tho air of n man of con sidcrablo importance. What's his par ticnlar line?" "Oh, uothiug much, exoept telling other people their btisiuoss aud giving us all pointers ou tow to run u juy crnmout." Chicago Post. A PROFITABLE NCISANCE. "I don't see bow you make a living playing tho cornet you play bo atro ciously." "That's the point," said tho mendi cant. "It 1 played well I'd be in n liand on a small talarv. As it is, 1 stand on stroet corners, and people pav mo well to ruovo on." Harper's Bazar, THE LUCKY ONE. Rapsraith "Miss Sally Gay bat mo a dozen teo-heo ! kimes yestakduy aft-ilmoon." Askins "Do you suppose you will act them if vou win tho bet; f-iansmitb "Yaas. iudeodl Jack Swift, wbo called ou bar biwst night, told me this mawuiug tuat no is uoiu ing tho stakes." Truth. LINEAL DESCENDANT OP BOTH. "How old is your baby, ma'am?" "Just ton months." "Does sho walk?" "Ouoe in a while she staggors a few Bteps, sir." 'Hem, takos after hor father. Can she talk?" Sho jabbers all tbo timo, sir." "Hem, takes after hor mother." Cleveland Plain Dealer. AN AGGRAVATING REMARK. "Sometimes," remarked Methuselah to his favorite great-great-great-great-great-greut-graudchild ; "tomutuues I wish 1 had died youug ; 6uy in my sixth or seventh century." "Why, Graudpop?" "Well, it is peculiarly nnooying to me to hear my ninety-fourth wife say, as she does every day or two, 'You ure certainly old enough to know bet ter." Puck. nis MOTTO. "Mr. Burrolton," said tho campaign worker, "I called on you to seo whether you had received our request for contributions to tho fund." "I'm afraid," repliol tbe wealthy partisan, "that I will have to disap point you." "You don't moan to say you're not going to help us out I I thought you'd bo btauditig on the front steps, wait ing to give uiu a bunch of chocks signed in blunk, You'ro tho man that btuuulutos uioro enthusiasm than any body clie. YiVro tho man who talked bo much about your motto buiu,; 'Hold tho fort' or 'Stick to tho ship,' or some thing like that." "My friend, I am ucting iu strict ao oordnuco with previously cxpresod sentiment, but you misquote me. My motto is "Never give up." Washing- I ton Staj-. WHAT IS LIFE Ll K E T (A Rumanian Folk-Song.) What Is Llfo like? Auswor m3. Suppose I say a tro-, Whoo boughs are broad nnd lal ? T's like a tree. Ah me! For a wind like autumn's shnkas Its boughs, And makes tho deal leaves fall Tho dead loaves tall, and fall! But What Is Life like? Answar mo. -, Huppose I sny th. Sen, Whose billows rlss and roar? 'lis like the Sea. Ah me! For Its billows only rlso to fall In spent waves on the shore Poor spent wavos on tho' shore! Blormrl H. Stoddard, In Independent. HUMOR Of THE DAY. An attached couple that ar always separating A pair shears. The best place to lead a fast life is np to a hitching post. Puck. He "Man proposes what's tho rest of that quotation?" She "Woman accepts." When a thin man visits yon, lodge him in the spare room, of course Texas Sifter. We all have our virtues : some few of us during onr lives, and tho rest of us on our tombstones. --Truth. The uses of adversity are all sweet enongh ; but the abuses resulting therefrom are what make us sour. Puok. He "It's reported aroand that we are engaged." She "Well, you know it's a mistake." Ho "Yes; I called to see if I couldn't rectify it." Puok. Mamo "I hope you didn't let that Mr. Huggins pnt his arms about you ?" Mabel "Why ? Is there anything tho matter with his arm?" Washington Star. "Jack is so bashful that when he proposed to me the other night I had to assist him." "What did you say?" Whenever he hesitated I would call out 'Play ball.'" He "Do you really think Jack is in love with yon?" She "Certaiuly. I have the most positive proof. He never knows whether my hat is on straight or not." His Honor (severely) "How oould you, sir, be so mean as to swinuio peo ple who put oonlidence iu yon?" Prisoner "Well, yonr nonor, j u make it worth something to you it yon win ten me now to swiuaie tuem as don't" Tit-Bits. "Does your husband still o.ill yoa pet names?" "Yes" ei'd the wife of a year ; "yes, he does. But he does so with a little too muohease, I think. It sort ot sounds as if it were more the result of praotioe than the expression of nndying affeotion." "Mabel," he implored for the twenty-fifth time that evening, "I love but yon, will you be mine?" "Well, George, since you seem so determinod, I suppose" "What timo is it?" came a parental voice from aloft. "Almost won, papa," replied Mabel, coyly. Washington Timos. Correctly Named: "Flushly has published a volume of fugitive verse." "How can he call them fugitive when none of them have b.en published be fore?" "Oh, Flashly himself says that he was chased out of two hundred of fices in which ho had tried to soli them." Brooklyn Life. Occasionally Happens: Smith "I read an interview with you, iu ouo of the papers." Bobinson "Yes, I never was more surprised in my life." Smith "Didu't you talk to the re porter at all?" Bobinson "I did, and he must have put down exiotly what I said." Brooklyn Life. A Possible Reason : "I wonder why it is," remarked the man who has time for idle thoughts, "that peoplo are not permitted to shoot reed birds earlier iu the year?" "It's to prevent mis takes," replied his wife, who had suf fered at a summer resort. "They havo to wait until the mosquito soason is entirely over." Washington Star. Physioian (examiner for life-insur-anoe oompany) "How old are you?" Irishman "Twanty -five." "Your pa rents are living, I suppose?" "No, snr, they're dead." "What did they dio of?" "Ould ago, fur." "How old were they ?" "Party, sur. " "Do you think a person of forty dins of old age?". "In the ould country people die voung of onld ago." Life. A young couple on their honeymoon are dallying languidly with the grapes at dessert. She (arohly) "And you don't find it tiresome all alone with me? You are quite sure you don't want to go baok to your baoholer lifo again?" He (earnestly) "Quite, my darling. Do yon know, if yon were to die to-night, I'd get married agaip to-morrow morning I" Tit-Bits. Shooting tuder Water. A most curious and iinportaut ex periment was recently tried at Ports mouth, Eugland. At low tide a can non, a 110-ponuder, was placed on the beach and carefully aimed at a target. Thon at hi;h tide, when the gun was six feet uuder water, it was tired by electricity. Tho result was that the heavy oak targot, a piece of boiler plate aud tbo bulk of an old ves-el were all pieicod clrau by tho hbot,'atho water having uo very groat e;Vict. It proved that submerged cannon fr burbors iu time of war might bo luado very destructive to the ecciuy'i ves sels. British Investment''. Noarly 10 ),O0J,O0J is thi total of British capital which was iuvostel iu various enterprises Itoato I ou the London 6took market during the slrst six months ot lH.'O, tho actual liiues being 70,401, W, suvs tho London Economist. Of this sum Jtll.O ;,0Dd was invested in loam ol forei ;n Gov ernments, aud about nil equal r;iin iu companios formed to manured ne cycles and cycling appliance-. I
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers