'The Forest Republican RATIS OF ADVERTISING! On. Sqnarat on lnoh, mtf huarMaa, ,9 IW On. Kquar, rra lnoh, an month. . 1 90) On (square, on Inch, thr month. . On Pquare, on Inch, on 7r, ., MM Two Hquarx, on ysr IS 00 Quarter Column, on ysar............ 0000 Half Column, on yaar . . M On Column, on ynr . r.- .. . ...... 100KI dvarttMnunta tea cats ps Mm sen imMrtkm. Marrtac and dath motln rnUrn. Ii pnbllshoil ovory Wodn" lay, by J. E. WENK. Office lit Smcarbaugh & Co.'i Building i ELM 8TI1EET, TIONEBTA, TA. '1'ornn, . Sl.ooi'erYoar, bORES ' No subscriptions received for a shorter Jierlod (hnn threo months. CorreiwnJonco Bollnlto I from nil nnrts of tin reentry. No notion will bu token of ayr.ioui communications. All bill, for rarly adrarttwm.nt oo quarterly. Temporary advarttwmaati I VOL. XXVIII. NO. 40. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JAN- 22, 189G. S1.00 PER ANNUM. p. paid la aavmno. ; Job work oath am Mtrwj. '-j IPirplPTTOl ICAN" More than ono hundred writer have writ ten the life ot Mr. Gladstone. During tho past fiscal year the num ber of immigrants arriving in this country was only 258,530, which wai less than any year's immigration since 1879. A Chicago papor thinks that the trouble with San Francisco is that "it is too distant from the center ol things." Tn San Francisco thoy think that thins o too distant from the center. Judge Ricks, of the United States Circuit Court of Ohio, has docidod that tho Comptroller of tho Currency can make an assessment on stock holders of insolvent National Danks, and that tho assessment can bo re covered by a suit at law. The total railway capital of tho world is $30,000,000,000, of which Grent Britain owns one-sixth. The total roilcago of the world is 400,000, and of this the British Empire has 70,000, employing 400,000 men and carrying aunually 000,000,000 pas sengers. "Have you Been tho fact stated in , the newspapers that Russia has begun to buy her armor plates in this coun try," asks tho New York Horald, "and lias it come to your ears that Japan will probably have somo of her now battle ships built hero? Those two facts are worth noting. We are a great country." In England a distinction is mado between a "village" and u "town," the dignity of town being applied only to those places whioh are large enough to support a weekly market in the publio square, to which the farmers of the surrounding country bring for BaU and barter their butter, eggs and other produce. Young women with fortunes to in vest in titles would do well to try Po land, suggests the San Frunciso Ex aminer. In Warsaw alone, with a population of 500,030, there aro 30, 720 persons belonging to tho heredi tary nobility, and 9237 "personal no bles" people entitlod to tho distinc tion by reason of offloe or discovery. A curious fact discovered by Penn sylvania's Dairy and Food Commis sioner is that muoh of tho raspberry and strawberry jam put up so neatly in little jars contains a very small quantity of the fruit from which it should bo made. What appear to bo the seeds of tho berries, explains tho New York Fost, are introduced into tho preserves by using plonty of grass seed. Somebody 6ns unearthed a book written by Bartholomew Anglious, about 12G0, of whijh one of the most amusing chapters is on the children ot his day. Of these ho writes : "They dread no perils more than beating with a rod, and thoy love an apple more than cold, aud make more sor row and woe for the loss of an apple than for the loss of a heritage. They desire all that they see, and pray and afk with voioo aud with hand. TUcy keep no counsel, but they tell all that they hear and see. Suddenly thoy laugh, and suddenly they weep. Al ways they cry and jangle and jape ; that nnless they be still while, they sleep. When they bo washod of filth anon they defile themselves again. When their mother wushcth and combcth them, they kick and sprawl nnd put with feet nud with hands, aud withstand with all their might." All of which makes it appear that those. 1260 boys were the same then as now. Ihe San Francisco Chronicle ob serves: Mrs. Craigie, tho novelist, known as "John Oliver Hobbe?," has tome eeusiblo idcr.s on tho folly of American girls niarryiug Englishmen or other foreigners. Whatever may be tho virtues of tho foreigner, his training has been so radically differ ent from that of an American that there can be no sympathy between him and hia Amcrioan wifo. The American girl has beon bred to expect deferonce from men in private as well as in public. Too often she expects more than she should, for the tenden cy of the American father is to spoil his daughters by over-indulgence. In England the method is to teach girls that their brothers are superior, aud that obedience is the cardinal virtue in women. Instead of being wuited upon by her husband the American girl who wiirrieu an Englishman dis covers when too late that she is ex pected to cater to the tastes of her husband and to render him personal service whenever he sees tit to demand it. She guts no deference, and scanty respect. This may seem a unull ioat tor, but it has been the cause of much utbiifipiuegh in inter v itional mur- SMILES. Bmllo a little, smile a liltla, As you go Along, Not alone wben life Is plensnnt, But when things go wrong. Cnro delights lo see you frowning. Loves to hoar you sigh; Turn a smiling face upon hor, Qulolc the dame will fly. Smile a little, smile a little. All along the rond; Every life must have its burJon, Every hoart Its load. Why sit down In gloom nnd dannc, With your nrlef to sup? As you drink Fate's blttor tonlo, Smilo aoross the cup. 8mllo upon the troublej pilgrims Whom you pass and most ; Frowns are thorns, and smiles are blos soms Oft for wonry feot. Da not tnako the way seem harder By a sullen face, Bmllo a little, Bmllo a little, Brighten up the place. Bailie upon your undone laborj Not for ono who grieves O'er his task, waits wealth or g;ory; He who smiles achtoves. Though you meet with loss and sorrow In the passing year?, Smile a llttlo, smile a little, Even through your tears. Ella W. Wilcox, In Youth's Companion. A COWOTS LOVE. BY. LESTER KETCHTJM. ALD-FACED BILL stumbled, almost fell, recovered himself, then stood stock-still, and, turning his head, looked appealingly iilto his master's eyes. "What's th' mat- ten, Bill?" asked Sam. "Casta shoo? Blossed 'f ye hain't," ho continued, after dismounting and examining tho foot the horse held up for inspection. "Ought 't 've had ye fixed up moro'n two weeks back, ol' boss." He took ont his knife a sort of pocket blask smith and oarpentcr-shop deftly re moved the rest of the nails by which tho shoe hung to the hoof, "put the bhoo in his pocket, then stool up and scratched his head. This was serious business. Here ho was, over sixty miles away from homo (and in a hurry to get there), in a sparsely settled portion '.ot the conn try, and without tho slightest ,idoa of whero or how he was going to find a placo where he might fget that shoe reset. True, helhad no business rid ing an animal that required the ser vices of a farrier; but Bill was not a native horse, and, having worn shoes when Sam first got him, ho had been kept shod ever since. It was twenty odd milos back to Taborville, whenco Sam had started that morning, and he disliked the idea of returning that distance just to have a shoe set; so, after some min utes' hesitation ho decided to go ahead and trust to luck ; and after walking about three miles (a painfnl task for a (cowboy), he "mot up with" a man traveling in the other direc tion, who, much to his relief, told him that there was a cross-roads just ahead in the timber, with a store and a blacksmith shop situated close by. Sam thanked him and passed on, but presently, muoh to his surprise, the stranger turned and galloped back to him. "I thought I'd tell ye," ho said, "bein' as yo're a strangeh, th't ye'd best not dally 'raound that place none an' don't drink nothin'. Ye see," he went on to explain, "tbey's be'n fellahs turned up awissin' th't was heerd of last, right 'bout yere. Noth in' wa'n't never proved, but it's a purty good place t'r t' fight shy of, I reckon." "Good I You bet I'm right glad . yo tol' me I sho' am. I don't think I'll dully none whatevah." Then Sam and the friendly straager parted, and Sam found his way to the crossroads. The blacksmith was at work when he came aloug, but assured him he would attend to Bill "in a jiffy." Four or five men were loating about the place, and they at onse proceeded to take note of, and commeut npou, Bill's good points a fact that Sum would have duly appreciated had he been able to convince himself that their at tentions were altogether disinterest ed. As it was, however, he viewed with suspicion all their overtures to ward striking up bu acquaintance, and found it difficult to treat them with the civility that Southwestern courtesy demands albeit they were, to all ap pearances, just as honorable and up right citizens as himself. In faot, they looked just like the average frontiers man whose time, for tho moment, haugs heavily on his hands, and but for the warning of tho friendly strang er, Sam Stires would doubtless have "mixed free" with them. As it was, even, he inadverteuly admitted that he was going to El Bio, and was iu a hurry to get there ; but he semibly re fused all invitations to "likker up," on the ground that it didn't agree with him. The blacksmith's "jiffy" lasted uutu alaio.-t six o'clock, and whilst he w is engaged on Bill's foot, tho loalers wandered out, oue at a time, and dis appeared up the hillside, presumably iu the direction of a house, aud this reminded Sam that it was supper tin:.', and that he was hungry. " 'Bout suppeh time, strangeh, "said the blacksmith, suddenly, us though diviuiug hisclieut'sthoughts. "Ilidu't ve bettah come up an' graze with we all, an' let th' job go J'r a bit?" "Cuiu't do it, purducr," Sam re plied, somewhut hastily, thereby con tinuing the other iu u certain suspi ciou ho held concerning Sam (i. u. , that he was a mursuui's or .uei id doputy) " 'cause yo see, I got tt" be a-moviu' right peart, on' gittin t' Rio. 'Bliged V ye, all th' same. I'll jes' go ovah t' th' store an' git a snack w'le ye finish th' job."4 There was a little, faded, sharp featured woman behind the counter in the littlo store, and her keen black eyes studied Sam critically as she pro ceeded to serve him with th oheese and crackers he called for. Presently a tall, big, square shouldered fellow came in and stood by the door, and the woman went and joined him. They conversed in low whispers for about a minute, and Sa n, dimly Buspicious. glanced at them two or three times. The last time he saw that tbey were looking at him. Then the woman, with a half laugh, shrugged her thin shoulders and said, aloud, as the big man tnrned to go out: "Quien sabe? Quien snbe?" The moment tho big man was gone, however, she hastened to the baok of the store, looked into the bar room, apparently to make certain that it was unoccupied, then came up to Stires, who was hastily gobbling his lunch, and asked, in a whisper: "Strangeh, be you a uep tv? "Me?" No, o' co'ee not. What" "Co'se," said the woman, with an impatient gesture,"! might 'a' knowed yo wouldn't say so, ef ye was. Look yere," she went on, hastily, coming closer and laying a hand on his arm. "Y're in danger, mister. Le' me tell ye, w'ile I've got th' chanst, th't ye wantuh git ont o this real quick an say, don't take th' Bio trail fur. Leave it a mile out, an cut cross to'ds Amity Fo'ks hcah me?" "Yes'm, I sho do ; but whut " "Don't stop t' ast no fool qnestions. That big fellah 's Nel Flynn, an vcre's w'ere 'o hangs out a lot. They'll pit ye, ef ye don't look out. I'm tellin' ye this, 'cause 'cause well, nevah rain . Only, git a move on. Sam lost no time in seeing that Bill was properly "fixed," .and, getting started, ho took tho strange little woman's advico and turned toward Amity Forks, thereby preserving, no doubt, a whole skin. He asked him self, many times, why tho woman should havo taken the trouble to warn him, but was unable to find any rea son lor it. As a matter of faot, the woman her self conld have given no reason be yond that essentially letninino "be cause." Tho face of Nod Fiyun haunted Sam. Why, it is impossible to say, for Sam Stires, like the rest of his family, was not all imaginative. There was noth ing ' remarkable about the face of Flynn, tho outlaw, excepting that it belied the character of its owncr.being a square, honest face, with two clear, honest blue eyes, while Flynn well, everybody within a hundred milos of the line knew what he was. Neverthe less, that face pothered Sam all the way home nnd for two or three days afterward, and he could think of no reason for its constaut appearance be fore his mental vision until, ono after noon shortly after his arrival home, he started out for the Huston place to see Mat. Then, as be forded a creek near the Huston ranch, be romom bered the man he had met there one time, who, he had been told after his arrival at the house, was Harry Arm strong, bis muoh-heard-of but novcr-before-seen rival for Mat's affections. And he remembered now that tho b ranger's face was the face of Ned Flynn, outlaw aud "rustler." . After making this Btartling discovery ho rode more slowly, in order to re cover his mental equilibrium. He was in doubt how to act in the matter, for he was by no means absolutely certain that he was correct, and he knew that to tell Mut of his discovery and then find that he was mistaken, would jeopardize, if not ruin, his own chances with her. Wherefore, he re solved to proceed with caution, aud to assure himself that he was right be fore going ahead. "Say, B.irt," he asked, in a oonfi dentil tone, of Mat's brother, who rode a mile or two with him on his home ward way late that night, "Uo's this yere mau Armstrong, anyways?" Bart Hustou laugho'l. "Gittin' scuirtof 'im, Sum? Didn't s'pose he was worryin' ye at all, I sho' didn't." "Oh, I don't car' p'tio'lar," said Sam, hastily, with a gesture of depre cation. "Ou'y, I'm jes' sorto' our'ns 'bout'im, that's all." "Wa-al, fact is, I d'uo's I know much about th' dujk," confessed Bart. "Seen 'im oncet, didn't ye? Wa-al, all I know 'bout 'im, th't 'e'a got a ranch oveh on th' Feoos, an' 'notheh ono oveh b' th' Two-Mile ol' Watrous place, yo know. Say's 'e's goin' t' sell aout th' Pecos place, an' move oveh t' this country afteli th' full raouud-up. Scemst'bea purly good soht o' felluh, au' aa's like 'e's got dough. He's some eddieated, too." "Al-hm," grunted Sam, as though it was immaterial, alt this information about his rival. Aud ho raid nothing more to Burt on the subject, but cer tainly "ke a-thinkiu' a lot." as he would have expressed it. He must inuke sure that bis surmise was cor rect, aud then well, Mr. Armstrong, or Flynn, or whatever his name was, would not only be decidedly out of the running, but was in a fair way to con c.ule oue of his visits at tho Huston place at tho end of a reuta. But before Sam had tuno to thiu'.; out the best plan for assuring himself of "Armstrong's" identity with Ned Flynn, he learned that that gcutlomau was expected, in a few days, on a visit to Mat ; and this information, volun teered by Bart, whom he me: ou the range, decided Sam who had uen at the point of deciding for t.w. two years on a course ot action, and the very next day he roJo over to see .Wat. As he rode up to the house, ho no ticed that it looked singul irly quiet, nnil (to tin id wis Ii iiv Inis lime) Ii.; iinont hoped the "fulUs" were nil away, and that ha could again post pone asking Mat the question he had so long been wanting, yet fearing, to ask. Hut iUat herself met mm at tne door. "W'y, howdy, Sam 1" she ejaculated. "I'm right glad f see ye I Didn't know, f'r sho', but what 'twas some one a-oomin' t' carry me off I" "1 ve a rjgbt good notion t no it, said Sam, with what he considered re markable andaoity and then be fnilod to follow np this opening, but asked : "Be ye all alone, Mat? "I sh'd say alone I Maw 'n' paw's gone t' laown, Bart an' ev'ry han's aout on th' range, an' even ol' Man illa's done skipped went ovah on th' creek to a Greaser fun'ral. But go an' put Bill up an' come in. We'll havo snppeh, right soon." Sam soon returned to the kitchen, and sat there, with eyes and mouth open, watching Mat as she flitted gracefully about the room preparing supper. He took in every detail of the tail, lithe figure, the pretty face, and the thick tawny hair, with its lit tle carls that clustered about her neck. He wondered if she would ever let him handle those curls. "Well, oome V graze, Sammy," she said, finally. "I reckon they ain't but ns two t' eat, this time." ,'Wondoh whut she'd say ef I sh'd tell 'er I wish't it was jest us two al'ays?" thought Sam. But he did not say it, being very timid, and very hun gry, beside. After supper, however, they sat out in the "gallery," and Mat gave him an opportunity to speak. "Seems funny, don't it, f'r jest ns two t' be a-settin' yere?" the girl said, smiling at him frankly. Sam swallowed spasmodically; his throat hurt him. "Why not t'r al'ays, Mat'" ho said, finally, in a husky voice. "Mat, darlin', s'pose mo V you fix it up t' be t'gothah f'revah? Don't don't stop me," he went on, as the girl rose to her feet and would have spoken. "I be'n tryiu' t' say it f'r two yeahs. Mat, will ye marry me?" The girl had one arm across her eyes, and was sobbing. "Oh, I wish't ye hadn't, Saml I wish't yo hadn't V spoke I I hain't treated ye right, Sam, I hain't. I" "Wh why " "I s'pose I got t' tell you, Sam," she said, more steadily, but with eyes averted. "Ef I got t' tell ye oh, Sam, I was married t' Harry Arm strong last winteh, w'en I was ovah on th' Pecos 1" Sam sank limply back in his chair. "Yo don't mean it; ye sho' don't mean it, Mat!" he gasped. But the girl nodded her head affirmatively, aud bit a coiner of the handkerchief sho held to her eyes. "I cain't b'lieve it, Mat I sho' cuiu't I" said poor Sam, plaintively. 'Lo' me think." So engrossed wero tbey that thoy bad not heard the sound of galloping hoofs, and both were startled when some one reined np suddenly, almost in front of them, and cried, hoarsely: "Good God 1 Mat, where can I hide?" "Ned Flynn 1" ejaculated Sam, starting to his feet dazedly. "Harry 1" shrieked the girl, as the man, pale, bareheaded and dishevolod, threw himsolf from his drooping horse aud staggered toward thorn. One side of his face and neck was covered with blood. Tho girl sprang forward and threw her arms about him. "What is it, Harry? What is it?" "Nothing," said the man, grimly "only they've sent out three posses after me, and I'm caught. There's a lot of 'era just behind. If I oould get over the Two-Mile " Sam started forward. "Haow fur b'hind are they?" he asked, in a queer voice. "Bight on my heels," replied the other man, with the calmness of de spair. He sat with bis bead buried in his wife's lap, aud did not look np, seeming to care not at all what hap pened next. Then Sam did something that sur prised himself "Git inside, you two I" he said, roughly, and tossed his hat to Fiynn. Then he ran nnd leaped into tho saddle the other man had just left, jammed his spurs into the weary horse's flanks, and, with a wave of the hand, was off toward the hills and not a quarter of a mile behind him, when he struck the road, were a half dozen horsemen. They caught Bight of him orossing the road ahead, and, with load yells, raced after him. Sam knew that the horse he rode could not last long, but he still had time to think of what he had done, and what would be done to him. He knew what generally happened to per sons who aided the escape of men like Flynn but he retlected, grimly, that he had his revolver on, aud they should never hang him, at least. But why had be done it? Ho did not feol sorry, really, but he could not comprehend his own aotion. "I'iugl" They were shooting at him now, and the bullets were flying uncomfortably close. If he oould only rtiicj tho timber I He glanced back, und it gave him a pang to seo how rapidly they were guining upon him. His horse stumbled, foil, and threw him ; but ho was back in tho saddlu in a moment and urging the poor crea ture ou. Agaiu he looked buck. One of his pursuers suddenly halted his horse, dismounted, and, with his knee for a rest, began pumping lead alter the fugitive. One two three shots missed him. Ho hoped he was draw ing out of range. Then "What's th' matter wi' that?" usked the man who had dismounted, as he came up and joined the rest. It wits hum's cousin, Will Stires. 'Through th' back, hey?" Aud ho turned the body over. "Slick an' good heav eusl It's Sum! You fellahs don't s'pose he'd b uiixud in with " "Not by u bl'T si"?ht !" fcui I one ot , lueotlier-. ' ' l'i j 'n utiuiidli'ii' fu'iny bent llm dc.u j.nu hu'u'I iu it." And np at the Huston plaoe, other members of the posse had olosed in upon tho house, dragged Ned Flynn, outlaw, from the arms of his shrieking wife, and, without any useless delay, were just at this moment giving him the punishment ho had so long and so richly deserved. San Francisco. SCIENTIFIC ASB INDUSTRIAL. No insulator of magnetism has yet been found. T A dry heat of 250 dogrees destroys germs of infection. The skeleton of an averagewhale is said to weigh no less than fifty 'thou sand pounds. Sofia, the capital of Bulgaria, ib said to be an excellent winter refuge for consumptives. When water freezes it expands with a force which Trautwine estimates at not less than thirty thousand pounds to the square inch. At last hydrogen is liquified. What was once pure theory is now an estab lished, substantial fact. Every known gas has been forced from invisibility to visibility. The Russian Army authorities are about to establish a soientiflo branoh of the service. The object is to work ont the applicability of electrical discoveries to war purposes. They are building locomotives in France now in a form to present as little hold as possible to the air, which, it is claimed, is an important factor in diminishing the speed of fast trains. The Fourth avenue street car line, Now York City, after long experiment ing with storage batteries to run its cars, thinks that it has an artiole that fill the bill, and is about to equip all its cars. The length of the day varies in different places. In London the longest day has sixteen and a half hours ; at St. Petersburg nineteen and in Spitsbergen the longest day lasts three months and a half. The water animals were lower in organism and older in existence than the air breathing animals. They naturally found ther existence easier than did the animals exposed to the vicissitudes of the atmosphere. J. E. Gore, writing on the "Size of Solar System," says that "enormously large as the solar system absolutely ip, compared with the size of our own earth, it is, compared with the visible universe, merely as a drop in the ocean." A new lead for deep sea sounding carries a cartridge which explodes on tonohing the bottom. A submerged miorophone receives the sound and the depth is estimated from the titnj occupied by the lead in sinking to the bottom. A heavenly census is now being taken by tho Paris Observatory ; to count the stars the heavens are photo graphed in sections. Some of these sections show only a dozen stars, while others of the samo dimensions show over 1500. There are being shown in Sheffield, Englund, samples of compound com pressed solid petroleum, the invention of Paul D'Bumy, a French naval en gineer, who claims to have solved tho problem of solidifying petroleum and low grade bituminous oil. Under his process he states that three cubic feet will represent the bulk of a ton of coal, aud will lust combustible as long as fifty tons. American Iff? Uauia for England. Colonel William Root, of Laramie, Wyoming, recently received an order from tho representatives of some wealthy British sportsmen owning big preserves in the Scottish Highlands for a number of elk, deer and moose, to be shipped to Scotland for re3tock iug the preserves. He has in former years secured and sent over several similar consignment of big game to Greut Britain aud the Continent. The deer, he says, stand the long journey well, but elk and moose seem more delicate, have to receive the greatest care and the most carefully selected food, nud after all frequently die ou the ocean trip. lie will hunt in the northern part of Wyoming, whore elk and moosu etill abound, for the ani mals to fill this order. It is a much harder tusk, as may well be imagined, to secure these animals alive and in good condition thau simply to stalk and shoot them. New York Sun. Dlsfon'ie.l a Pigmy Trlhp. Dr. Donaldson Smith, of Philadel phia, the explorer of Somaliland, has reached Loudon in the best of health. Dr. Smith had a narrow escape from being killed by a rhinocerous while ou his way to the lakes, but he pushed ouwurd and succeeded in exploring the country, discovering many now tribes, the members of one oi them being un der five feet high. The exploration, Dr. Smith said, had been successful from a natural history point of view. They had discovered a number of fer tilo districts aud new tribes, aud had located several doubtful rivers. They only lost six people killed during the whole journey. Dr. Smith will return to the United States in January. Chicago Times-Herald. At Law Over a l'i;. A SI 50 lawsuit ov r a SI. 25 pig has just ' en ended iu Miohigantowu, Ind. , aud the town treasury is out the former amount. A moutn ago the City Mar shal impounded a pig belonging to a farmer named llilhs. The farmer re fused to pay the SI. 50 pound chargu and repleviued the pig. The town sued him, aud after three trials tu Circuit Court the other day gave a verdict for Hillis, with $1.01 damages. Moru than half tho people in towu weru summoned as witnesses, aud tho i total amount ot money lost over tint pig runs to a piotty high liguro. .tw vo-i Suu. THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BT THE FUNNY MEN OF THE FRES3, As to Stono Walls His First Case in the Car Natural Inference betting Her Down Kasy, Ktc, Ktc. Stone walls do not a prison make, Nor Iron bam a ougn. For him who has the wherewithal Good lawyers to engage. -Indianapolis Journal. 013 nnsT CASE. Patient "Doctor, I am troubled with insomnia." Yonng Doctor "Er a what aro tho symptoms?" MASnED ON HERSELF. Alico (the friend) "I don't see how anyone oan help loving Blanche." Gertrade (tho rival) "She can't help it herself." Life. a BEAT EXPECTATIONS. Clara "May has refused a man with half a million." Carrie "Is it possible? I J:cvcr though she was so mercenary." IN TflE CAK. . Interested Stranger "What is tho trouble with the baby, sir?" Papa "Blest if I know, excopt that It doesn't soom to bo his lungs." Puck. NATORAti INFERENCE. "Is Bob Knockout a widower?" "No. Why do you ask?" "I heard somoono say that his ficht (ng days were over." Detroit Freo Press. IjBttinq nun down easy. Mildrod "I wouldn't marry tho best man in tho world." Mr. Suitor "There is no danger; the bride never gets tho best man." lit-Bits. TAINS GIVEN, NOT TAKEN. YonngLady (timorously) -"Who was that screaming just now?" DentiBt "Don't be alarmed ; it was a patient who was beirg trcato.l freo jf charge" LIKE THE REST OF HER BOARDERS. Miss Slimdiet (the landlady, telling an adventure) "Well, oue day last summer I boarded a car" Weak-Looking Boarder (interrupt ing)"PH bot it was empty." Puck. TWO OF THEM. Fred "Did you know that Captain Thribble had two left legs?" Unole Ned "Non-sense 1" Fred "But H'b not nonsense. His right leg was left nt Gettysburg, wasn't it? And ho hai his left leg still, hasn't he?" Harper's Bound Table ON THE SAFE SIDE. Student "Then how much docs the suit oome to for cash?" Tailor "Fifty marks." Student "Aud if paid for by instal ments?" Tailor "A hundred marks only iu that case you will have to pay half ou the nail." Linzgaiur Bote. TOl'l'LAR HVl'NOTISM. The hypnotist smdo I confidently. "Yes." said he, "by making a few passes I can cause n man to go to any part of the city I choose." "Hm I" said tho railroad magnate, "I can do tho same thing nud Bend a man cloar from hero to Suu Fran cisco." Cincinnati Euquircr. BROUGHT THE WHOLE PARTY. He had told a thrilling story of res cue from a mountain canon. "But how did you attract tho at tention of the searchers?" "ft was entirely accidental after I'd fired my rifle und shouted myself hoarse something accidentally tickled my nose and I sneezed 1" Chicago Record. MAKING THE PUNISHMENT 1'lT THE i'lvIME. Lucy "The wretch 1 Aud so he has been proposing to both of us?" Jennie "It seems so." Lucy "I wish wo could think of some fearful way to punish liiui." Jcuuie "1 have an idea." Lucy "WLat is it?" Jennie "You uiurry him, dear." Tit-Bits. his ci'mosrrv unvni-ir.n. "What oan your sex do, luiidam," asked the cynical caller, "iu ca-o it becomes necessary to nail a campaign lie?" "We may not be able to nail it, sir," replied with dignity tho new woman who had gone into politic-", ''but wo cau punch it full of holes with u hat piu." Chicago Tribune. AGAINST HIS lT.ISl'II't.M. "I don't mind eating biscuit mado with baking powder," fuid the tramp, "but I draw tho lino at bread raised with yeast." "I'd like to know why?" suid the woiuuu of the house, is she drew buck the half loaf ot white bread. "The youst that mado that bread worked," answered the trump, "and I cannot oousisteutly alUliato with it." Detroit Free Press. A memorial tablet to Mary, tjueeu of Soots, has just been placed in Peter borough, Eugluud, near the i-pot where she was buried utter her execu tion. It was subscribed for by Eng lish women beuriug tho name of Mary. Dr. Palmer Fiudlay, of Atlantic, Iowa, a young phybician, bus declined au offer from President I Muz of the position of riurgeou-M-Chicf ol mo Mexican army. LITTLE KISSES. Mttln Kisses at the gatn Bluets me In tho twilight late; Where the rnrct rose? bo Walts he with a kiss for ni". Bound my nwk hr ringlet (alls Rhe's the aweetost rose ol all'. "Mow much do you love me, Kisses Llttlo Kisses, crowned nnd curled?" Then with arms world-wide, she answer?, "Love you love you all the world!" Little Kisses at the gate Whispers to tho white rose, ''Walt''' To the restless red rose she Whispers: "Keep me company'." Aud the red-rose petals fall On the sweetest rose of nil' "How much do you love me, Kisses Little Kisses, erowned nnd curled?" And the roses hear her answer "Love ynu love you all the world!' Little Kisses, at the gate Linger not too Into too Intf, Lest some lonely nngel fnr Wandering from a loveless star Whero the earthly angels be. Steal your face away from me! 'How much do you love me. Kisses Little Kisses, crowned and curie .1? Shnll I ever miss the answer. , 'Love you love you all the world?" F. L. Htautou. HUMOR OF THE DAY. The upper hand A foreman, ruck.' High life Tho signal service ofli- -ctrs. Puck. " Tried bv adversity The art of bor rowing, ruck. Cobble "Havo yon got a good law yer?" Stono "'No ; but he's smart." "What did tho doctor do for your-' somplnint?" "Told mo tho uamo of it." Puck. A cynio is a man who bus discovered noither tho world's greatness nor hia own littleness. Puck. A man is like a razor, becuuBo you can't tell how sharp he cau bo until ho is strapped. Toxus Siftiugs. Sat On : Traveler "May I tuko this seat?" Maiden (from Boston, icily) "Where do you wish to take it, sir?" Puck. She says she can't afford n cab Expenses she must eurli. Yet when she walks upuu the Htreot Her carriage is superb. -New York Herald. IToax "What makes your son yell and shout about the house thut way?" Joax "He's cettiuii iu truiniug to) enter college next year. ''Philadel phia Record. New Woman -"Husband, I need a change. Tho doctor says my life i too monotonous; I need excitement." Husband "Try staying at home. " Detroit Free Press. Country womau "I want my boy on the picture too. " Portrait Painter "Thou it will cost eighty marks more." Countrywoman "But I am going to hold him on my lap 1" Foreman (through the speaking tube) "Where do you want that stuff nbout Turkey put?" Night Editor (yelling buck) "Ou tho inside, ot course." Chicago Tribune. First Kid "Anyhow," I never had no grauddaddy huug for boss stealin'." Second Kid "Don't cure if ho wuz. Hosses wuz worth stealiu' in them days." Cincinnati Enquirer. .fudge -"Defenduut, can you ad vance anything more toward your de fense?" Defenduut "No, yourhouor. i had only SI nud I huve already given that to my lawyer." -Das Echo. "I wonder if that diamoud Mudgo has is of the first water?" "I doubt jt. It has been soaked so many timos that it must be of the tenth or eleventh water by this time." Indianapolis Journal. Fdise "My dearest Stella 1 I haven't' seen you for four months. How is your Charles?" StolU-"Oh, my Charles has chaugoil very much siuoo then. His name is now Robert !" Fliegoude Blaettor. Codger "Funny that such a quiet, domestic sort of a chap as you should remain a buchelor. Didn't you ever think of marrying?" Solus "Yes; perhaps that is the reason 1 never mar ried. " Boston Transcript. Fond Parent "Here aie two quar ters for you, Bobby, to put in your little bunk." Bobby "I'd rather havo a half if you've got it, Pop." Fond Parent-"What for?" Hobby '"Cos it won't go through the hole." Tuck. "Tho man I mui-v must be both brave and clever," said the sweet girl. "When we were out sailing," returned the adoring youth, "uu 1 upset, I saved you from a watery grave." "That was bravo, I admit, but it was not clover." "Yes, it was; 1 upset tho boat on purpose." "You dar ling?" Tit-Bits. Airs. Newritch "Henry, you gavo yourself awuy bally at tho dinner table to-uiK'ht. Do you kuow yon were actunlly eatiug with your knife?" Mr. Newritcn "No! wai 1, though? hope none of our quests notiood it." Mrs. Newritch "Oh, I don't care so much about them but our Euglish butier did." Puck. it was iu the Louvre. She had beeu gazing at and euthusiug over tho pic tures for hours, and dually, with a Kp of vuvy, alio cried : "Oil, dear I Why is it thut we have so fnw old mas ters and so many old mui Is iu Amer ica'.'" "I guess it's because tho old maids speud ull their lives painting themselves," suid her companion, uu gulluutly. Hurpcr'a Diawor. The following is the daily r.itiou of wild auimuls, such as thoso at the Philadelphia Zoological Gardens: Ten pounds of tlesU for each lion, tieran i bear ; seveu pounds for the panther, three to six pounds for the hveua, ouo pound for tho wildcat, two potluds for I i ho ca;;le, all oi which tUMi must 1J iresh und without bone.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers