THE FOREST BEPDBLICAH II pnbUshed every Wedneiday, by J. . WENK. Ottloaia Bmearbaugh & Co.'b Building XIM STREET, TIONKSTA, 1'a, Term, - - . l.50 per Yar. No nbrrtptlnna received for a ttaorter period than three niniuhe. OerrMKnclmce ollelted from all parte of the ami a toy. No noilce mil be taken of anon j mom RATES OF ADVERTISING. One Square, one Inch, one Insertion. f 1 00 One Square, one Inch, one month I 00 One Square, one Inch, three montha. 00 One Square, one Inch, one year 10 00 Two Squari-a, one year... 15 OO Qnnrler Column, one year. W 00 Half Column, one year M 00 One Column, one year 100 U I.eeal adrortliemenU ten tout, i.er nm 1 ertlon. Marriage and death notice, trail, All bills for yearly adrertinementa eeleeted qoar. terly. Temporary dvertlMmenta meat ke paid lo advance. Job work cash on dellrery. VOL. III. NO, 10. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 30. 1886. $1.50 PER ANNUM. A Florida house in shipping 2,500 bird king a month to Nownrk, New Jersey, to bo used in lint decorations. The birds killed for the purpose iiro the jay, lurk, tnipc, crane, hawk nnd Mack and other pecies. It is claimed that these birds are destructive to crops, nnd that they "won't be misled." Jack rabbits nro said to be swarming through Nevada, Utah and Idaho, nnd doing much damage to crops. The epi demic is duo, according to tho popular opinion, to the efforts made by the au thorities to exterminate the coyotes. There is now a bounty lixod liy law for thoir scalps in Nevada, but tho lcgisli turo M ill bo asked to repeal the act. An English statistical writer says that while population in Europe and the United States has risen thirty-four per cent sinco 1850, working power hus in creased 105 per cent, and ns a conso quence of this, five men can now accom plish as much as six in 1870, or eight in 1850. The world's steam power is now Ave and a half times what it was in 1850. The Commissioner of Agriculture ni Washington, upon thcjuestion of nni mals in tho United States affected with pleuropneumonia, says the number of rattle inspected d uring tho lust year cm braced over 0,000 herds. In only A 15 of theso herds were infected animals found, ind the number of diseased, but not the fx posed, in these were 1,700 animals. This statement was made in reply to n contemporary which made the infected uumbor 00,000 herds examined, healthy end otherwise. Tho disease seems vir tually extirpated west of tho Alleghe Dies. The subject of cremation h is been rc ecntly discussed in tho French Chamber Df Deputies, nnd it ha been decided that the mode of disposing of the dead will be left optional to the friends of the departed unless special arrangements bare been mado during tho lifelime of the latter. In response to Bishop Frep pol as to tho immunity that criminals would enjoy if the bodies were sub jected to incineration, M.Blutin, Deputy, remarked that the examinations in case of suspected poisoning could be more usefully carried out beforo incineration. Even after incineration there are poisons which could bo found in the ashes. John Ruskin confesses that he would rathor please tho girls than do any other one thing. "My primary thought," he avows, "is how to serve them nnd make them happy; and if they could use mo for plank bridge over a stream or set me up for a post to tio a swing to, or anything of the sort not requiring me to talk, I should be quite happy in such a promotion." And John seems to think he is quito too kind and condescending for anything. Perhaps ho is, taking the English view of the case. Hut over here any man who didn't do nil ho could to make tho girls happy, as a matter of course, would bo speedily uud deservedly boycotted. It is said that in Scotland glens whence many thousands of able-bodied men, were sent forth are now used only for breeding grouse and game. A ques tion of great practical importance it whether this degradation of the soil is wanton oppression of tho poor, or whether it is necessitated by soil sterility. Prop erly manuged naturally good soils may be kept always fertile, as England, Hol land and other do"sely-popu!ated coun tries havo shown. But where land has become too sterile to pay for cultivation, letting it lie idle may be the only means of reclaiming it. Nature's processes are slow, but she charges nothing except time, and this with valueless land is not worth reckoning. "While lying idle its occupancy by game can scarcely be re garded aa a desecration. A matter which is attracting much at tention in England is the rapid dim inution of tho number of brewers. Six teen years ago the brewers of the United Kingdom numbered 32,000. Bet ween 1870 and 1880 they grew fewer at the rate of a thousand a year, nnd at the last-mentioned date only mustered some 22,000. In 1881 they had becomo re duced to 15,000. Since then the decline has been less rapid, but still they art yearly losing ground to a surprising ex tent. They number at the present time only 13,000, or 19,000 less than sixteen years ago. Were there a corresponding decrease in the consumption of beer it would be a cause of great rejoicing tc temperance advocates; but such is not the case, though the temperance move ment has had a perceptible effect upon the business, and it is expected to stil! further curtail it. The great causa is the levying of a duty upon bcr instead of upon malt, which has had the effect of concentrating tho business in fewer buitLj. WHAT TO BELIEVE. He has no joy who has no trust! The greatest faith brings greatest pleasure, And I believe bwauso I must And would lmlieve in erfect measure. Therefore I send To you, my friend, This key t open mines of treasure: Whatever else your hands restrain, Let faith tfc free and trust remain. Believe in summer's sun and shade, Although to-day the suow be falling; Expect glad voices in the glade, Though now the winds alone are calling. 1 lave eyes to see How fair things be; Let Hope, not Foar, prove most enthrall ing; And skies that shine will oftenest bo Stretched lovingly o'er thine and theo. Have loyal faith in oil thy kin, Believe the bust of one another; Ono Father's heart takes all men in, Bo not suspicious of thy brother. If ono deceive Why disbeliovo The rest, and so all kindness smother? Who tho most looks for lovo will find Most certainly thut hoarti are kind. Regard the age with hopeful thought, Not it, but thou thysolf are debtor; Behold what wonders have been wrought; Believe the world is getting bettor.' Oh, be thou brave To help, and save, And free men's hands from every fetter, Yet know thut cheery hopefulness Is the great factor in success. Above all things, in God believe, Aud in His love that lasts forever; No changeful friend thy hi art to grieve Is Ho who will forsuke thee never. In shine or shower His blessings dower The souls that trust with strong endeavor; Believe, believe, for faith is best Believe, and find unbroken rest. Marianne Farningham. A TRIAL OF FAITH. "What I consider the essential clement of happiness in any love affair is the supreme faith und perfect trust of the one in the other," said the heroine, in a voioe that in a moderately pretty girl would have seemed authoritative, but not in a splendid creature as tall aud stately as Tennyson's Maud, with rcd-browu hair, dark violet eyes, and a mouth shaped like Cupid's bow. "No matter what appearances are against him, no matter if time or distance or malicious tongues separate, the woman should trust. Since I have become engaged " "Engaged to do what, Florence?" asked Jack's sister, with her irreverent gigglo. But what could you expect of a little undersized creature, with a turned up nose, and a pair of green eyes ns in quisitive as nn interrogation point? "When I think that you and Jack nro really to be married, it docs seem too ridic ulous ; ho just gone into the Senior nt Yale, and you just out of school last June. And then such a lot of sweethearts as he has had! There were Emily Ilazcu, and Marie Do llrrse, und last year Professor Peter's daughter the youngest one, with the big black eyes, that giggled. And to hear you, the veriest spit tire in school, when you get jealous, talking about love and trust and faith I Now, tuy lady, don't get vexed; it's all 'badinage and persiflage,' as the woman of society would say. I'm merely watching the miracle of love." "I am eighteen years of age, Susie Lane, and your i-.---.rMab., twenty one; we ur; i is children ; and, beside, I'm .g to have you making fuu of mo tl ..y, and ridiculing every thing. I ;h . never tell you anything again as loiig as I live. I thought you sympathized " "Oh, Florence, don't cry," cried tho scoffer, melted and distressed in turn. "Do let's sit down on this log, and tell us all lib ut it. Bertie is dying to hear, uud has been pinching me black and blue ever since we started. Don't mind me; you know Bertie and I are nothing but miserable school -girls in scrubby clothes, and know nothing but chemistry, and moral and menial philosophy.uud French und German and the sciences, and Kn lish literature aud Art; don't be bashful before us." "Oh, hush, Sue, cried Bertie; "we are tird of you und your nonsense. I want to have u real sensible, sentimental time. Let's sit right here. I wish I had nay sketch-book. How deep tho wood is, and how soft the shadows, and that bank of ferns, and tho great boulder cov ered with lichens! Sco the water-fall yonder, and that half-charred log. Ah, this is the very forest of Ardeu. Come, dear, tell us all about it." "Well," said the heroine, "it happened ut this very spot, yesterday afternoon, just before he hfi on the 7 r. m. train. Indeed I just can't tell you the very words, girls, because it's kind of sacred; but he vowed he had never cared one straw for Emily llaeuor Marie DeBiese, and as for that Peters girl, he positively scorned her, I lot ked very uninterested and dignified, and said 1 really didn't know why he should make me his confi dante, though I was Sue's friend und staying in his house, and all that, and he plumped right down there where you are sitting, Bertie, and kissed my hand, and told nic No, I just won't; but he talked perfectly beautifully about t. list and faith, and how I must believe iu him, even though he were far, far away at Yale, and I here in Pennsylvania. And he said vc must remember we were to gether in heart 'though the hills lio be tween.' " "He got that out of my scrap-book," said Sue, conscientiously. "Jiut it came ;n very well. Juck is a very tiny uoy, and I really believe ho is in love this time, and I hope you will trust him, Florence. Let's go home and get into his top drawer, and turn out the me mentos of the past. Do you know that tho other day I stepped in while you and he were discussing constancy on the vcrnndn, and I found twenty different locks of hair in one corner of the bureau every color of the rainbow except gray nnd all mixed up, so that they looked like Joseph's coat or a rag enrpet." "Don't mind Sue, Florie dear," said little Bertie, comfortingly. "I saw them, and there wasn't a strand of red auburn, I mean in tho lot." "I do not mind cither of you," said Miss Maxwell, with dignity. "I love and I trust." "Sue! where is Sue?" called Mrs. Lane one morning about three weeks after this conversation. "Come into the library; your papa wishes to see you." "I wonder .What mamma wants?" said Sue, (Hitting down her lhicii doilic, on which she was working a Kosina Fmmctt tea party. "When they go into the library, nnd shut tho door, and call me, something has happened to Jack. By-the-way, you haven't ha 1 a letter for a week, have you, Florence?" "Not for two weeks," said Florence, bravely, though the telltale color dyed her cheek for an instant with a crimson wave. "I don't believe you care one bit about poetry, Bertie. I've been reading this lovely 'Absence' for half nn hour, and you keep on drawing as if it were 'Havens' Philosophy.' " 'What shall I do wilh all the days and hours That must bo counted ore I see thy face)"' "I'd make caramels some of tho time," said Sue, flippantly, "and swing in a bnmmcck three hours a day at least." 'Sue! Sue!" camo the voice from the library. "Daughter!" said her mamma, a pale, shrinking lady in a white wrap per and pretty embroidered breakfast cap. "Now don't get in a passion, dear est doctor; let Susio see the telegram, Oh, my dear, I fear something terrible has happened. I had a sort of presenti ment; you know I was telling you, doc tor" "Fiddlesticks with your presenti ments !" roared the doctor, a red-faced old gentleman with a lot of blue-black hair that stood up from his forehead like por cupine bristles. "Something terrible in deed, something disgraceful, something dishonorable, something that brings my gray hairs in sorrow to the grave." The doctor had not a white lock his head, but his meaning was apparent? if his lan guage was flguiativc. "I always said John was a sentimental, tennis-playing idiot. Never let me hear of tennis-courts again. I would not give a cent for tho whole of the present generation. That wretched college, with the professors and their family life family life indeed! I knew John was a good-for-nnught, spoiled by his mother out of nil con science ; but to have disgraced himself.his family, all of us! not that I consider him in the least to blame, lie was always tho most punctilious, the most strictly honorable, Quixotic creature. It was the woman, of course. She is twenty years older than hjj." "No. papa," from Susie; "she's just nineteen.'' "I know what I nm talking nbout. All college belles are twenty years older thnn the men they elope with ; nnd he was so trusting nnd confiding! The unhappy, hot-headed creature! to think he has de ceived this splendid, beautiful, wealthy girl under my roof ! Why,I almost felt like not sanctioning the engagement, because, taking place hero, it looked as if I ma na'uvcred for it. I a niamruvcrcr. Great CiPsar!" "Hush, papa!"sa,id Sue, clasping his arm ns he frantically tore up and down the room. "Give me the message." YALK CoM.EOE, September 25, 18S-. ".John 1-ane and lady will arrive at 7 p. M. Meet with carriage at station. 1'repnre sup per and rooms. E. Kneed." "Oh, mamma! it i true, then, he is married; and if at Yale, to that Peters. What shall we do? Poor Florence! she is devoted to him, it will kill her. Oh, Jack ! Jack ! and to that scrubby girl ! Don't let them come here, mamma. I ll telegraph." "No ; he xhall come here," cried Jack's mother. "It's terrible, but the poor dear trusts ami loves inc. See, the telegram is to me, and you can't expect me, doctor" ttt-rning with some violence on the almost insane father "even y can't expect me to side against my only boy I have on earth." "Come here?" said the doctor, almost calmed by tho excess of passion in his bond-slave. "Of course he's coming here; he's pot no other place to go. He hasn't married fifty thousand a year, has he ? But the question is, Who will break it to that splendid creaturo ? can't tell her; I can't tell her: by Jove I can't. Y'ou go, Sue, and break it to her. Give her a hint. You women are clever enough at inveigling" with a glare nt wife and daughter that innde the very cap strings palpitate. "Tell her he's dead, nnd then that he is married ; that will ease her down a bit." "Oh. don't suy such a-thing of my poor darling!" cried his mamma, in stantly summoning up the image of the recreant John ptilo and' beautiful in death. "What's all this commotion iibout?" cried a fresh young voice. "Something about .lack, isn't it? Whv what uils von all? He is n.)t-dcad--is he?" "Yes." sai 1 the doctor, nodding vio lently, the nppropr'ateness of h;s sugges tion almost stunning b in; "dead and buried. Oh no, my dear." ns he saw the light die out of tho proud, pretty face. "That's my way of breaking it to you. He's he's tell her. Sue, he's married, lie is coming here, of all places, with hit bruty1 to-night, in a few hours, and, of all people, that beggarly Peters' daugh ter, w ho is twenty years older than he is, vnd not a dime to bless herself. Don't tell me she's not twenty years older than he, Mr,. Lane; I know, these urjiun. OilC V. iwcuiy YUillS OkUCl IL'BUU is a day, and " "Read the telegram yotirnelf, Florence," said Sue, through her tearji. The heroine stepped to the wrindow and stood in the recess foriflve mflnutes, her bank to the otherthree "Well?" she said, presently. "Well?" re-echoed the trio, hanging on her words. "He has been entrapped," enid Flor enco, looking tall nnd stern "I blamo her entirely. She made him do it. I always said she was the most manaruver ing, deceitful Oh, my poor Jack!" cried the heroine, in a burst of bitter weeping. "I hear the enrriage coming up avenue, Florence," said Sue, in a the low voice, as she tapped at tho door at seven o'clock. "Why, Florence, you arc per fectly lovely, all in white like a bride, and with your diamonds on. What a lovely color in your chocks, too! Oh dear, what made him do it?" "What made her do it?" said Hiss Maxwell, with set lips. "Wait one min ute. Docs my train set in tho back? She will be dirty and dusty, tho lit tle" "Nevermind; we will go down to meet them." Sue trembled, and Bertie's fifteen-year-old eyes were red with crying; but they descended together. "Your train rus tles just as Lady Macleth'R does in the sleep-walking scene," whispered the youngest girl, nnd Florence took a mo mentary comfort in this momentous re semblance. The doctor and his wife were in the hall ; tho carnage stopped ; the door flew open. "Well, mammy, here she is," cried Jack a big, good-natured college boy with an honest pair of ugly gray eyes and out stepped a wizened little old lady with a jolly kind face, for all the world the prophecy of Sue's at sixty-five. "Why, it's Emily ! it's Aunt Emmiel When did you come? Where did you come from? How are you here?" "From England, on the Seythia," cried Jack, nnswering everybody at once. "I told Sneedto wire you, but I daresay he forgot Aunt Emmie's name, I. had only time to shout out to him I wanted the enrriage at the station. Why? what arc you all so dazed and solemn about . Anything wrong? And you, Florence What, my darling, crying when I've brought you a beautiful diamond ring, with 'Fidelis mortem' as big as life in side?" Ism C. Cabel in. Harper' Bazar. Curious Features of Mexican Life. There is no end of curious things and conditions in Mexico. The people plow with the pronged stick, such as was used in Egypt nnd Palestine thousands of years ago. The cattle are yoked by a horizontal stick, tied with thongs to tho horns; it is said that thre is not n mod ern ox yoke in that country. Tho large majority of the male inhabitants wear sandals, which onco put on are very rarely if ever taken off. One will see, says a correspondent of the Indianapolis Journal, hundreds of laborers in tho fields, naked, except for fen apology for a pair of pantaloons. The Cut the high crowned, broad brimmed sombrero is the main article of dress. To this add a shawl, and the average Mexican consid ers himself got up in style. The balance of his dress, or the luck of it, is of little moment. A native will pay twenty-five dollars for a hat that will weigh five pounds, as much for a serape or shawl, and one dollar will furnish his pantav loons. If he has any money left he will buy a revolver, uud take the chances of getting his dinner. Of thousands of Mex ican women of the middle and lower classes that we saw on our trip, not one of them wore a bonnet ; but the universal black shawl covered head and shoulders. The burro is the ''rand means of trans portation, except the Mexican himself..! The Mexican porter wiil carry a loud of 300 pounds or more; aud the burro must carry whatever can be heaped or tied upon him. All the wood that is burned iu the towns aud cities, the mostof which aro roots dugout of the ground and cut into lengths of about eighteen inches, is carried to market on the backs of tho burros, ns is also hay, milk anything and everything. The burr is the ex press wagon and draof Mexico. Oc casionally, and only occasionally, one will see a cart or rough wagon, none ol which, however, have a particle" of iron in their construction. The "wheels are cut out of solid wood, and the fnhiewrk is held together by wooden pins or ropes. AVhcn a considerable journey is to be taken they carry u:i extra nxle, because ns they never grease them they wear out in short order. Il,ssaid thut one can hear the squeaking of the ungreased wheels of a cart train five miles. One ol the strangest anomalies to be found in Mexico is that the)' use little or no iron in their domestic economics, yet every town of three or four thousand people nnd upward that we saw had a street car line with T rails running first and second class cars, their first-class cars and their roads equal, if not superior, to tho street railroads of Indianapolis, and inuih cleaner. A Home Idyl. I. He was kneeling od tho floor, W bere he ne'er had knelt before, While he uttered Bible words iu some con fusion. He seemed to feel quite badly, For he 8)ok quite low and sadly As to a sultry clime La made allusion. II. No, alas! he was not praying, For whatever he wa sayiu Ho said, iu tru'h, without mature reflection: Ves, "! Iiafis he was to blame, but you d hue done the name, If a hummer and your thumb had mode eou uwciiou. New iaoe News. ANIMALS VH0 LOVE FUN. THE SENSE OF HUMOR COMMON TO THE ANIMAL CBEATION. A log that Imitated a Toad A Parrot that Punched a Cat for Ktealinfj. According to W. II. Beard, the artist, nearly all the brute creation have some mode of enjoying and many of them a way of perpetrating, a joke. He onco owned n pointer which was well broken for bird-hunting, and, boy-like, young Beard trained it to chase tho nimble rab bits, but ho never was able to induce it to tackle a woodchuck,or, as it is called South and West, a ground-hog. but once, and then Wallace, the pointer, wasbadly worsted. This pointer grew so keen that it could readily discover if a woodchuck was the occupant of a hole, and then it wagged its tail and put on a sort of shamed look, as much as to say: "Oh, no; excuse me." It had a way of show ing its teeth, not as if in anger, but as if smiling. On one occasion the dog had run ahead in a wheatfield after harvest, beating here and there and vibrating its tail as if on the scent for rabbits. Soon the dog left the earth, jumping high in the air so high that his form for a moment was clearly cut against the blue distance- Of course, this per formance was received with peals of laughter from the boys. The dog looked foolish for a moment, then shriveled up his nose and grinned ns was his wont, wagging his tail unde cidedly all the time; in short, claims Board, trying to lie out of it by every device at his command, since he was not able to speak. Again he began his run, snuffing zealously in the stubble, and presently bounced up again, as before, and then turning, smiled to show that the performance was for our amusement. This trick he played several times, and, at last, the boys went to investigate, and at the scene of the first leap found a large toad, whose hopping motions he had caricatured. Another dog was a mjwigrel cur of low degree, but it was his great happiness to chase pigs, not as the ordinary dog does, grabbing them by the ear until piggy squealed for mercy. Oh, no, Sport got more fun out of a pig than that. When the proper distance was established, and the two animals just in position, he would thrust his head under the pig, adroitly catch him by the opposite flank, and suddenly come to a stand-still, with a brace. This with the pig's momentum would, of course, bring him entirely over, and he would, to his great aston ishment, land on his back instead of on his feet at the next leap. Then Sport would let go, cock his head to one side, and. wagging his tail, look up with a comical joke, as much as to say; "How is that for a joke on a pig:" The stories of parrots are innumerable, but ono especially that Mr. Beard relates possesses the charm of novelty as well as illustrating beyond doubt that these mimics possess a keen sense of humor. A gentleman owned a parrot that was apparently possessed of no talents. One day ho was given a piece of meat which the cat wanted, and that worthy climbed up the cage and stole it. Polly offered no resistance, but appeared to be greatly frightened, and flew to the top of the cage and fluttered about until the cat succeeded in letting its tail fall be tween tho bars of the cage. Polly soon faw this, and, forgetting fear, pounced down to the bottom of the cage and catching the tail in its crooked beak, cave it such a pinch that pussy jumped headlong to the floor, squalling as though death was over it with a club. T'nllv at. nncn finf. nn a tin.bfi.ha na mneti Iike a human being as possible. Another ivry is of a jolly fat butcher who owned a very bright parrot. One day, being of an apoplectic turn, he fell over flead. Poll saw it, but said nothing. She watched curiously everything that was done. She saw the silence of the market men ns they raised the body and placed it on a bench, covering it with a cloth and speaking only in subdued whis pers. Polly noted the heart broken grief of the widow, and at last, gazing out of her cage, cried out in an authoritative tone: "Put up the shutters!" Of course, ut such & time and iu such a place, and coming from such a source, this remark was too much. So Polly was removed at thji suggestion of some ono. Still hei jimor did not leave her, for she per emptorily demanded: "What is all this about?" If love of mischief can be regarded ns proof of humor, then surely these birds have humor iu a remarkable degree, or is iupo8sible that it is evidence of their possessing another human trait miserli nessf "Mr. Beard relates a story of a crow Iiumed Jim who had the freedom of a town, and through his numerous pranks and freaks came to be regarded a con siderable of a nuisance. One fineiSab bash day an old lady stood hefdre her glass arranging her hair and adjusting a brand-new cap. She wtjs putting in her last hair-pin when the waggish bird, on mischief bent, flew in. "Oh, Jim, you beauty " cried the old lady, "is that you'?" Jim took in the situation, and, making one dash, seized in his beak the new cap, and flying out of the window, boro tho thing of beauty to its nest in u shattered old oak, and no mortal ever saw it again. The old lady did not attend church that morning. Novel Way to Kill Crows. In conversation with a prominent planter of the Fourth District, wo leuru of a new and novel way to kill crows. The gentleman's plan is to catch one of the birds, tie it to your body and walk through the field with your gun cocked and finger on tho trigger. The cries of the bird will cause others of its tribe to flock around you, and they can then be easily shot. This method of exter miiuit'ng these pc-ts is not patented, and j those who are ao disposed are at liberty J to try it. UaitHoii. (Qu.) Journal. THE THRUSH. The thrush sings high on the topmost bongb, Low, louder, low again; and now Ho has changed his tree, you know not Vow, For you saw no flitting wing. All the notes of the forest-throng. Flute, reed and string, are in his song, Never a fear kaowa he, nor wrong, Nor a doubt of anything. Small room for care in that soft breast; All weather that comes is to him the best, While he sees his mate close on her nest, And the woods are full of Spring. He l.as lost his last year's love, I know Ho, too but 'tis little he keeps of woe; For a bird forgets in a year, and so No wonder the thrush can sing. Atlantic Monthly, HUMOR OF THE DAT. Most women nro clothes observers. Before marriage a girl speaks to her lover with her eyes; after marriage, with her tongue. Life The number of men who are disap pointed in love doesn't compare with the number who are disappointed ia marriage. Burlington Free Pre. Even water will burn in a hot enough fire. And the cold often blows from the south. And the size of the lie of the champion liar Doesn't hinge on the size of his mouth. Uatchet. A correspondent wants to know why a bad is called a "hop." Watch the gen tlemen as they evadethe ladies' trains and you will tumble." Burlington Free Prex. Women and tho weather are the two principal topics discussed by men, says a philosopher. And it may be added that both are mighty uncertain things. Bot tonCourier. An exchange suggests that young ladies give up tho banji and take to flute playing. This couldn't be -done. It is impossible to talk while playing the flute. Aeu Haten Kew. A SURE S13N. When goats decline to eat old rubber boots, And crop the growing grasses in the lana, The time for trimming nobby bathing suits Is drawing near again. Boston Courier. "It is healthier to lio on tho right rather than the left side," says an astute health journal. Of course nobody wants to be on tho "left" side, but a lawyer for instance often finds it healthy to lie on either side. Bonton Bulletin. "Isn't that an Inter state cigar you nre smoking?" he asked. "An lnter-state cigar? What's that ?" queried the stranger. "Why, one that you can smoke in Maine nnd make the people in Tex'is hold their noses." Washington llateltet. It seems from a careful count that there are only 2,000,000 pianos in the whole United States. No count has been made of flutes, accordeons, trombones and other instruments of torture. At a rough guess we put the number at 3,000, 000,000. Pliilidelphia Call. When you've told your little story And have settled to the (dory Of extravagant narration most successfully displayed, How you turn a billious yellow When you honr some other fellow With his wretched "That reminds me" lay you snugly in tho sha le. l'ittiburg Chronicle. A man in the coal region put a little dynamite in the cooking stove to removo clinkers. It removed them. It also re moved three chairs, one talile, one family cat, a twenty-four-hour clock, four dob lars' worth of dishes', and tho stove. Tho fact that tho man was likewiso removed, in something of a hurry, will be apt to prevent his mode of removing clinkers becoming popular. Norristown Herald. Jefferson Davis iu Irons. An eye-witness, engaged in 188.1) at Fortress .Monroe in the ordnance depart ment, now a resident and attached to the police departnieut of Baltimore, says that when Mr. Davis landed from the gun-boat on the Government wharf, the guard that received him kept buck the lookers on to a considerable distiuu e while they conducted tho prisoner to the interior of tho fortification aud to the casemate assigned for his incarceration. Soon after he was lodged there the officer of tho day called and advised him that orders had been received from Washing ton to place him iu irons, and asked hiiu to submit by lying prostrate on tho cot then within the casement. Mr. Davis, with some vehemence, objected, and usked that the order should bo read to him. This was done, and he still re fused, and declared that the manacles should only bo placed on him by force. The blacksmith was then present with the leg-irons, and a soldier, being so or dered, placed his musket across the breast of the prisoner, pressed him to and then down on the cot. While held in that position the smith riveted the irons on the ankles, aud tho prisoner, thus se cured, was locked in the casement. A day or so following, order- c.ime from Washington to remove the nianacles.arul soon afterward to open the door, and finally to allow Mr. Davis to exercise him self by limited walks w ithin the grounds. The order to iron was issued, it is said, by Secreinry Stanton, und the prepara tions to do so were all made prior to the arrival of the gun boat. President John sou issued the ameliorating orders that followed. Jack and Jim. They grew iu beauty sido by side, They rilled ono home wilu glee; Jac k was a base ball pitcher; Jim A cricketer was lie All perfe -t stood tho-ie uoblo youths In iH-uutiful Aprile, Their pie-crust mouths were ever wreathed With one seraphic smile. But eru the sum nor time had waned, And ovei u!s had come, Ju'-kV no -e hud h.-t it.s only bridge, Jim's uar its only drum. .Vic York Journal.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers