THE FOREST REPUBLICAN ! pnbllihed erery Wednesday by J. C. WENK. OtUoeia Smearbaugh & Co.'a Building ELM STREET, T10NE8TA, fa. RATES OF ADVERTISING. One Square, on Inch, one Insertion..........! 1 00 One Square, one Inch, ore month S 00 One Nqtinre, one Inch, three months. ( 00 Ono Square, one Inch, one year 10 00 Two Squares, one year IS 00 Quarter Column, ono year 10 00 Halt Column, one yenr 60 00 One Column, one jear ............100 to Terms, SI.50 per Year. I.rcal advertisement, ten cents cr line each In .ertlon. Marriage and death notices gratis. All bills for yearly advertisements collected quar terly. Temporary adTeuitemente moat be paid In advance. Job work cash on delivery. No anhseriptlona received for shorter period Ihnti three montha. Correspondence solicited from all carta of tlie cwmitrT. No noilcc. will be taken of anonmom communications. VOL. IYIII. NO. 10. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 24.' 1885. $1,50 PER ANNUM. j , . M WORTHINESS. Whatever larks Furprme is evil; a pool with out pebbles breeds slime; Not ny one step hath Chance fashioned on the infinite stairway of Time; Nor ever came Good without Labor, in Toil, or in Science or Art; It must be wrought otit through the muscles , born out of tho soul and the heart Why plow in tho stubblo with plowshares t Why winnow the chaff from tho grain? Ah, since all of His gifts must be tolled for, since Truth is not born without pain! He giveth not to the unworthy, the weak, or the foolUh in deeds; Who givoth but cbafT at the seed-time shall ronp bat a harvest of weeds. As the pyramid buildod of vapor is blown by his whirlwinds to naught, So the song without Truth is forgotten: His Iiooiii to Wmi is Mail's Thought. Whatever is strong with a purpose, in hum bleness woven, soul-pur.. Is known to the Master of Singers He toucboth it, saying, "Endure I" Charles J. (TAtalley, in nj Current. CAUGHT AT LAST. A BTOHY OF CHIME IN PAIIIS. Monsieur Choroy was a poor dentist of the Hue do Chazellcs, Paris. Ho was a widower with a largo fnmily, and resided in tho Hue do Legend re. IIo had been struggling for a livelihood for years, for, although an expert dentist and a fine locking man of cood address, fate seemed to have deniod him success. As it was, he was barely ablo to make a subsistence for himself nnd family, and, to tell the truth, added a little to his doubtful pro fessional income by acting nightly as a marker in a billiard hall in the Hue des Capucius. On tho afternoon of November 7, 1883, Chcroy wns standing not far from the billiard hall, when he saw a veiled lady quit a largo millinery estiiblishment near by and approach a carriage in waiting for her. The day wns windy nnd raw CVd tho cjjrjy, pari hiftV been wet. . As the ladysiepped into her carriage her Vbil blew on one wide and she cuught it and drew it to . her. At the moment Cheroy saw something flash. The lady had entered the carriage and it wan driven off. Choroy watched the vehicle depart, and as he was turning away his eye was attracted by a glitter in the gutter, in which there wus mud and water. Look ing more carefully ho was satisfied that the brilliancy came from nothing less than a diamond. As he drew near the edge of tho sidewalk ho distinctly saw thRt a splendid pieco of jewelry lay in the mud. For a moment he hesitated. Paris is not a city where a person other than a chiffonier can pick anything from a gutter without being observed and probably surrounded. Cheroy kney this well, and had recourse, therefore, to a ruse. Taking his purse from his pocket, he appeared to bo searching for sorne- , thing inside, and then accidentally, as it were, dropped it into the gutter. In picking it up he gathered up tho sup posed jewel with it, and then placed both, in his handkerchief. Having wiped the poeketbook, carefully con cealing the jewel, ho put both into his pocket and went toward the billiard hall. On examining his find ho was satisfied that it was most valuable. A large brilliant surrounded by sixteen smaller stones, all set in a magnificent piece of filigree, ( was what was disclosed to him. Care fully putting it away, he attended to his duties that night. Next moaning ho visited the Rue do Vaugirard, where au old jeweler whom ha knew had his business. This man, named Greu.e, bought gold and silver, and supplied a good many oi the smaller dentists' with what they required, lie was a shrewd dealer and a skilful lapi dary. When Cheroy showed him tho jewelry he examined it slowly and with out enthusiasm, and at last, having scru tinized it through soveral powerful lenses, ha laid it on the counter with a smile and shrugged his shoulders. "Well, what do you think about it, monsieur?" asked Cheroy. "Paste," was tho almost contemptu ous reply. "There you are wrong." said Cheroy; "no false gems ever shone like these stones, and beside, the setting shows that the thing is valuable.. Greuze took tho jewel once more and examined it. At length ho said : ,-I may be mistaken, monsieur, and if you will leave it with me a few days 1 will take means to settle beyond a doubt the question of the genuineness of these stODes." "Many thanks" was the answer; "but I return it to the owner this even ing." "The 'Marchioness do Fonthieu, Greuze said, with a half 6neer. "I don't understand you, "Cheroy said. "You don't,', Greuze replied ; "read that." And he drew a morning newspaper from his side pocket, folded so as to show a small space, and handed it to Cheroy, at tho same time placing his finger on an advertisement. Cheroy took the newspaper nnd read as follows: Onb Thoi'Sand Fhancb Reward. Lost yesterday afternoon, in or near the millinery establishment of Mine. Jolivet ikmluvtu'd des) Capucius, a brooch but with one lurge central brilliant and sixteen smaller ones. 'i'he tinder will receive the reward iiaiiind above in re turning the brooch t the Marchioness iJe Ponthieu, Houlevard Hausinanu. "This is the urticle, evidently," Chcroy said, "and with a knowledge of this advertisement and reward I cannot understand how you cau suppose for a moment that the jewels uro spurious." "If they had been genuine," was the reply, "don't you suppose the reward would have been lare 1" Ureuae asked. "A thousand francs is a good deal of money,'" Chcroy replied. "To you it may be," was tho answer; "but let me tell you that if these jewels are genuine they arc worth at least thirty thousand irancs." "Thirty thousand francs!" exclaimed Cheroy. "Every sou of it," said Greuze. "Let me sees it again." Choroy handed him the brooch and he onso more scrutinized it closely. "They may be genuine," ho said; "look here." Ho opened a casket and exhibited what appeared to be a magnificent necklace of diamonds. " Will you believe," he said, " when I tell you that every stone here is spurious it is all paste? It is true, nevertheless. Now, you are a poor mnn, and tho marchioness is rich. Suppose these stones are real. You take them to her and sh"3 hands you in return a paltry 1.000 francs. Nay, you don't know that she may not have a detective in her ante room to arrest you ns a thief. Now, I will talk business with you shall I? Then here is my proposal: These stones are genuine no doubt of it. If you will leave the brooch with me for four and twenty hours I will tako out these stones and put paste in their places and give you ten thousand francs for them. Then you can tako the brooch to Madame de Ponthieu and get your 1,000 francs." "Hut she will discover the cheat, will she not?" "If sho does," was the answer, "lay the blame on me. I will take tho risk." Cheroy was poor and his children were miserably clad and winter was coming cn, and he yielded to the tempter. Tho next evening, when Greuze handed him tho brooch with paste substituted forthe real gems, ho was astounded. For the life of him he could not tell the differ ence. lie returned tho brooch to the mar chioness and received tho reward. But he invented a story as to how he came by it. "I am a humble dentist," he said, "and my small place is on the Hue de Chazellcs. On the evening of the day before yesterday, when I was just about fo quit my place, a rough-looking man entered, and, lemoving a kerchief which was around his throat and chin, he asked me to examine his front teeth. I found that two of them were broken off and tho juw was swollen. I removed tho stumps and applied a soothing lotion to him. Ho said that some ruffians had at tempted to rob a lady on the corner of the Boulevard des Capucins and the Ruo de Scze, and that, in driving them oil with Borne other passenger, he received a blow across the mouth. lie was on his way to the Boulevard Malesherbes to the Hue Jouffray, when the pain grew so se vere that he sought a dentist. After he was gone I was preparing to depart, when I saw something lying in the seat which tho stranger had occupied. I raised it and found it was a handkerchief tied in several knots. On opening them I found tho brooch inside. I immedi ately started for home, and didn't see your advertisement until this morning." The Marchioness do Ponthieu was very grateful to Cheroy, and uext day drove to his oflico in the Hue de Chazelle with a friend and had Choroy examine her teeth. She made an ap pointment with him the next day, by which timo ho had changed the furni ture of the apartment and rented and fitted up an adjoining room. The mar chioness expressed her satisfaction and her intention of patronizing him and recommending him to her friends. The result was that every day tho carriage of some wealthy lady stopped at the door, and his circunistancos improved rapidly, lie ceased to be a billiard marker and occupied himself with his profession. By and by he let it be known that he used an anaesthetic of a new and improved kind, and so performed difficult extrac tions without pain. This was a cause of increased income Greuze soon learned of his prosperity and questioned him ns to tho character of his patients. Soon after this Cheroy added another room to his offices, ami spent much time there with Urcuzo practicing witli a camera, until they became expert ut taking in stantaneous photographs. Among his patients was a Madam Emerian, a wealthy woman, who woro splendid diamonds. Cheroy was remov ing her teeth one or two at a time, and she suffered much. At length he pre vailed upon her to take the anesthetic. As soon as she became insensible he re moved a splendid bracelet of large and superb diamonds, and passed it in to Greuze in the adjoining room, who in a minute had taken three or four instan taneous photographs of it. Meanwhile Cheroy operated on his patient, and had tho anesthetic ready to renew its appli cation if necessary. Greuze handed back tho bracelet, and Cheroy clasped it on tho lady's wrist. Then Greuzo de parted. i The next day but one .Madam Emerian i again submitted herself to the dentist, I and again wore the splendid bracelet. I No sooner was she under the influence ' of the anesthetic than Cheroy unclasp i ed the bracelet and handed it to Greuze, who appeared from the adjoining room. Greuze compared it with another brace let, which he then handed with a tri umpant look to Cheroy, who clasped it on the ladies' wrist. This scheme wns performed, perhaps, on various customers a score of times without detection, uud Cheroy and Greuze wero growing wealthy on the spoils. At length a circumstance oc curred which led to the detection and punishmeut of this pair of scoundrels. One afternoon a Madam Maubert, whom they had selected as a victim, came to Cheroy's accompanied by a magnificent mastiff. t.'heioy sug gested its being left in charge of the coachman, us il niiy lit be troublesome, but Mme. Maubert a sured biia that he would be perfectly still where she directed him until she gave him permission to move. The gas was administered, Greuzo camo from his room holding the spurious gem which was substituted for the lady's brooch, and Cheroy was in tho act of removing tho jewelry from the lady's neck, when the mastiff sprang upon him and seized him by tho arm. The next moment Cheroy fell, and the dog changed his grip to the throat. The man struggled and Greuze tried in vain to drag the savage beast away. Cheroy's cries for help were heard on the street, and two officers were soon on the spot. Her brooch was firm in tho grasp of Cheroy, who was lacerated and bleeding. Tho moment tho lady recognized her jewelry, the officers' suspicions were aroused, and they would not allow Greuze to depart. A search was subse quently made and a brooch the very counterpart, in every respect, of Mme. Maubert's, but with spurious gems was found in Greuze's possession. Tho plates disclosed to the eye of a sharp detective the fact that many beautiful pieces of jewelry had been photographed, and no doubt remained of the business which Cheroy and his accomplices had carried on. Greuze's place in the Hue do Vau girard was searched and valuable gems were found. Cheroy made a confession, and many precious stones were recovered and restored to their owners. There is no doubt that the scheme was of Greuze's concocting, and that Chcroy was too weak-minded to resist tempta tion. Greuze was sentenced to twenty years and Cheroy to fifteen, at hard labor. Philadelphia News. Horses versus Houses. Cornelius Vandcrbilt's palace (on Fifth avenue) is now understood to be for sale, but as yet no prico has been announced, asserts a New York correspondent of the Utica Herald. If any reader, however, should make an offer of half a million it might be accepted, and even then it would be selling below cost. Why, the land cost $335,000. When Cornelius selected this corner it was occupied by two elegant dwellings for which he paid the above sum, and then had them de molished in order to make room lor the palace which was three years in construc tion. By the time he got fairly in occu pation he became a heavy Wall street speculator, and no doubt hoped to make enough to pay for the palace. Instead of that, however, he only sunk a large part of his patrimony, and is now so deeply involved as to require the as sistance of his father. The latter no doubt regrets having built a palace since this example probably led Cornelius into his extravagance. These Vanderbilt houses cost not less than 12,000,000, and it will be a longtime before such an out lay will be equaled. What a difference in taste is displayed by another millionaire who stands alone in the ranks of wealth, at least in love of horses. This is no temporary fancy. Had this been the case it would have passed away. Thirty years have been sufficient to prove it to be a ruling nassion. Bonner does not crave a palace like Vanderbilt, being satisfied to excel him in horse flesh. In this point, indeed, he has always astonished the public. When he paid 10,000 for Lantern every ono was astonished. That was twenty-five years ago, however, and since then he has invested a halt million in the same manner. The interest on this invest ment is $500 a week, and the cost of keep ing the animals is an equal sum. Had Bonner been like Astor, ho would have put his money into land, and (taking interest into consideration) he would iu that case be richer by a million and a half. Had he been like Lenox, he would have invested in rare books and literary curiosities. Had he resembled Commodore Vanderbilt, he would have gone into stocks and become a power in Wall street. None of these things, however, moved him. IIo kept aloof from other attrac tions. He owns no stocks and no rare books, and only real estate sufficient for his own use. The horse is his passion, and he has shown the mastery of the latter to a degree unparalleled in the history of the turf. How strange that a roan who began life in this city as a journeyman printer should thus, as Shakespeare says " witch the world with noble horsemanship." War Statistics. From official records of the war de partment, based on losses given, and the total number of men furnished by the States and Territories during tho war, it appears that: Out of every sixty-five men, one man was killed in action. Out of every fifty-six men, one man died of wounds received in action. Out of every thirteen men, one man died ot disease. Out of every nine men, ono man died w hile in service. Out of every fifteen men, one man was captured or reported missing. Out of every ten men, one man was wounded in action. Out of every seven men captured, one died while in captivity. A Peculiar Custom. The Cape Verde islands are fourteen in number, and contain a population of eight v thousand. The manners and cus toms of the people have remained un changed for vears, which is natural enough, in view of tho fact that the ruling principle of their lives is to live without work. A peculiar custom is noted by a recent visitor at the islands. His hostess was smoking a cigarette, when suddenly she drew it from her lips and offered it to him. Though some what startled, he accepted it with the best grace he could command, and upon subsequent inquiry found that it was considered among the islanders one of the gieutest compliments a lady could I pay to a gentleman. 0DR MERRY MISCELLANY. HUMOEOUB SKETCHES FROM VARI OUS SOUBCES. A WalCr' lUiinitrr-Mng-ular 1 naclly of Life Wouldn't llrmorc the firlp Jake. I'arrot, ICtr. They did not often give dinner parties, says a contemporary, and never gave a large one; but at tho little re unions to which they did invite their friends they liked everything the best. Ho, on tho afternoon of one of their choice little feasts, the host summoned the boy-in-buttons and said: "Now, John, you must be very care ful how vou hand round the wine!" "Yes, "sir." "These bottles with the black seals are the best, and these with the red seal the inferior sherry. The best sherry is for after dinner; the inferior sherry you will hand around with the hock after soup. You understand hock and in ferior sherry after soup?" "Yes, sir, perfectly," said the boy-in-buttons. And the evening came, and tho guests came, and everything was progressing admirably till the boy went round the table asking of every guest: "Hock or inferior sherry?" Everybody took hock. Singular Tenacity of Life. "How little it takes sometimes to kill a man, and then, again, what wonderful tenacity to life some men have," said the red-headed man who was reading the paper. "That's so," said the others. "Just listen," said the red-headed man ; " here's a brakeman on the Nickel Plate road. The paper says : 'He fell in front of the car, which passed diago nally across his body, and lived' " "Begosh, I knew a painter who fell off a church steeple and got well ngain," said the cross-eyed man. "I knowed a man shot a bullet through his heart and lived ten years," said the man who looked like a farmer. "There was a man in Salem, where I came from, that had four ton of rock fall on him, and he's alive yet," said the one armed man. "Y-a-a-s," said the red-headed man, "lemme see. Where was I? Oh 'fell in front of the car, which passed diago nally across his body, and lived but a few moments.'" Pittsburg Chronicle. Wouldn't Itemove tho CJrlp. "Will you be kind enough to take that grip-sack off that seat?" said a country man, who got on a train at Luling, Texas. "No, sir; I don't propose to do any thing of the sort," replied the drummer, who was sitting on the other side of the seat. "Do you say that you are going to let that grip-sack stay right there?" "Yes, sir; I do." "In case you do not remove that grip sack I shall be under the painful neces sity of calling the conductor." "You can call in tho conductor, the engineer and the brakemen if you want to. Perhaps you had better stop at the next station and send a special to old Jay Gould himself about it." "The conductor will put you off the train." "I don't care if he does. I am not eo ing to take that grip-sack from that place where it is." The indignant passenger went through th train, and soon returned with the conductor. "So you refuse to remove that grip sack?" do you, asked the conductor. "I do." Great sensation. "Why do you persist in refusing to re move that grip-sack ?" "Because it is not mine." "Why didn't you say so at once?" "Because nobody asked me." Sift ings. "Jake's" Parrot. A Bush street barber has recently added to the interior decorations of his tonsorial symposium a large owl, whose Solomonic visage assists in wooing som nolent delights, while the nimble blade is reaping its hirsute harvest. The other day a callow youth whose eyebrows are much more prolific in their growth than the hair upon his lip, and whose intellect is in an inverse ratio to his knowledge of cheap slang, entered the shop and spied the apotheosis of wisdom upon the perch near the chief chair of torture. Deem ing it a rare opportunity to be "funny" at tho expense of the proprietor, who had recently lost his wife and was subject to fits of melancholy, the "fresh" young man proceeded to distribute his stock of "chaff" for the delectation of the occu pants of the neighboring chairs. "Hello, Jake, where did y' ketch the bird?" Silence enveloped the shop like a fu neral pall, and the barber went on shav ing. Nothing daunted, Mr. Fresh nioved a little closer to the perch, and after a careful survey thus delivered him self: "Why, the mark that stuffed that euro mo couldn't stuff a sausage for me. Git onto them eyes; the're a couple of glass beads poked in there. Pipe the position of him. Who ever seen au owl in that posish?'' He paused for a reply, but the painful stillness w as only broken by tho scraping of the steel, and "Jake" quietly went ou shaving. The case was getting desperate, and the youth saw the necessity of immediate and decisive action; so udvancing to ward the bird, with outstretched hand he said, almost plaintively: "Say, Jake, honest, now; get onto the way they've fixed the head of hia nibs." But the lesson in taxidermy was never concluded, for us the aggressive hand reuched the ruined poll of tho big-eyed bird there was a blink, a sweep and a I map, and "Jake's" pet sat quietly munch ing a small cutlet, which had once been a portion of the youth's manual anatomy. The " trusty Damascus blade " glinted and scintillated, as the barber quietly went on shaving, and the silence was op pressive as the wounded youth started for a drug store, mentally debating whether he had made expenses on the trip. ,San Francisco Alia. He Saw the Falls. At the Falls of Montmorency, below Quebec, there is a hotel by the roadside where you pay twenty-five cents to a woman who can't talk English and in consideration of this sum you are allowed to see the falls. A young fellow paid just as I left the house to walk across the fields to the steps in front of tho falls. He came running after me. He had walked all the way from Quebec about nine miles and now his impa tience was getting the better of him. "You paid first," he said, "but would you mind my going down the seeps ahead of you?" "Not at all," I said. "Iguess, though, tho stops are wide enough for two to go down." "I suppose so, but I want to get there before a crowd comes. I hate a crowd. I want to enjoy the falls alone." "It is too late in tho season for a crowd. I don't suppose anyone has been here for a month. As we came to the long stairway ho hopped merrily down, two stairs at a time. Suddenly his feet went out from under him and he went down the stair, which is very steep, in a sittiug posture, giving a shriek every time he hit a new step. There were several platforms, but he shot over them with incredible swift ness in spite of all his efforts to stop, and at ono time I thought nothing would save him from going right down into the current. However, he flung his arms around one of the railing supports and hung on there seemingly panic stricken till 1 reached him. 1 found that after the first few top steps tho rest had been covered with spray that had frozen and made every step as slippery as glass. It required a good 'deal of caution and a persistent clinging to the rail to get down in any other way than the some what .hurried planjmy new acquaintance had so thoughtlessly adopted. "You are too impatient," I said soothingly. "You shouldn't have done that. Do you think twenty-five cents pays for such wear and tear of tho steps as you put them to. This is not a tobogganing slide you know." "For heaven's sake," he cried, "how am I to get up again?" "I guess we'll both get up the same way. Hang on where you are and look at the fa' Is " "Falls!"' he said in disgust. "I've had about five hundred separate and dis tinct falls. Falls enough to last me un til next season. When I visit Montmor ency again it will be in summer." And with that he crawled up on his hands and knees, and I saw him no more. Detroit Fret Press. The Gondoliers of Venice, Tho Venetian gondoliers are a hardy, active, cheery set of men, civil and oblig ing, limbed like Greek statues and grace ful as greyhounds. John of Bologna might have molded his incomparable Mercury from one of these lithe-limbed, sinewy oarsmen. Their fine develop ment of form is due to their occupation, their habit of rowing standing, develop ing and exercising every muscle in the frame from throat to heel. As a class they are the clcunliest set of men to be found among the lower orders of Europe. The watery ways on which their days aro spent send up no cloud of dust or dashei of mud to sully their neat and pictur esque attire Their hands and faces, bronzed to ai dusky a tint as the sun and the wind can impart to the human epidermis, and theii crisp, curly dark locks, are as free from soil and as well kept as are those of any high-bred gentleman. Tho costume of a gondolier of the better class would be a handsome one to adopt for a fancy dress bull, since it is very characteristic, and yet simple and sufficiently in accordance with a gentleman's cvery-day suit to be worn without awkwardness. It consists of a loose double-breasted jacket of dark blue cloth with trousers to match. The jacket is closed with two rows of large, highly-polished brass buttons, and is bound around the edges and around the cuffs and collar and pockets with cloth of a blue, two shades lighter than the hue of the garment itself. A glazed sailor's hat, around the crown of which is passed a ribbon of the lighter shades of blue, with long floating ends, forms the headgear. Sometimes a felt hat, with a melon shaped crown, the brim curving over tho brow aud at the back of the head, is adopted, but tho ribbon is never absent. A sash of cloth, matching the jacket and trousers, and with long ends fin ished with wide worsted fringe, is tied around tho waist, the ends fulling at the left side. Sometimes the jacket is piped with red, or with the same dark blue as the cloth whereof it is composed; but the style I have just described is the most usual, and is also the prettiest. It opens at the throat, showing a collar and white necktie, both scrupulously clean, us are also the white cutis visible be neath the loose sleeves, the linen being coarse iu quality, but of snowy white ness, rl'iiltplelfitia TtUgraph. There are 00,000 skating rinks in this country. On uu average there ure six fulls u day iu each rink, this makes u total of liOO.OOO falls a day throughout tho country, or 1,800,000 falls u week. In the face of this showing the fall of Adam dwindles into insignificance. Hut the true American U by no menus dis mayed by thee statistics. On the con trary, he excltiims: Oh, my country, with all thy fulls I love thee still. Boston Courier, NEAR THE DAWNINO. When life's troubles gather darkly Round the way we follow here; When no hope the sad heart lightens, No voice speaks a word of cheer; Then the thought tho shadows scatter, Giving us a cheering ray When the night appears the darkest Horning is not far away. When adversity surrounds us, And our sunshine friends pass by, And the dreams so fondly cherished j With our scattered treasures lie; Then amid such gloomy seasons This sweet thought can yet be drawni When tho darkest hour is present It is always near the dawn. When the spirit fluttering lingers On the confines of this life. Farting from all joyful memories, And from every scene of strife, Though the scene is sad and gloomy, And tho body shrinks in fear, These dark hours will Boon be vanished, And the glorious morn be here. Tain cannot affect us always, Brighter days will soon be hero, Sorrow may oppress us often, Yet a happier time is near; All along our earthly journey This reflection lights our way; Nature's darkest hour is always Just before the break of day. IIU310B OF THE DAY. The lay of the song birds Eggs. "A piece of lemon bound upon a corn will cure it." A sort of a lemon-aid, aa it were. Graphic. Domestic pursuits Chasing the man. of the houso with a broomstick. Bur lington Free Press. There is only ono thing sadder than death, and that is a seat in a theatre be hind a four-story hat Bo ton Post. It is impossible for leopards to escape when once in confinement, for they are always "spotted." Merchant- Traveler. "Yes," said the dudeling, as he gathered himself up, "the hardest thing about roller skating is tho floor." Lj't. The skating rinks should make a deal of money. The patrons come down handsomely every night. Boston Tran script. There are certain social grades in every rank of life Even tho poor fisher man is obliged to draw the line some where. Boston Courier. "AU is not gold that glitters," ob served the philosopher, just after he had absent-mindedly picked up a red-hot horse -shoe. Lowell Citizen. "Man is born to rule the world," says a philosopher. Woman is born to rule man. No philosopher says this, but it is a fact nevertheless. Graphic. It is much harder work for a man to care for his children an hour and a half while his wife is at church than to run a fox all day. Waterloo Obcerter. A Southern woman has in use a rolling-pin bought when she was married sixty-one years ago. Her husband has evidently behaved himself. Call. "A talking machine has just been in vented in Vienna," says an exehange. The dickens you say I Why, we married one ten years ago ! Newman Independent. Clear down to vegetation's roots The solar warmth now reaches, And girls are trimming bathing suits For mashing at the beaches. Uoston Courier. An exchange says : " How shall we prevent mice from gnawing the bark oil fruit trees V Kill the mice, of course. A dead mouse never gnaws bark. Graphic. It is scientifically estimated that if all tho "chumpion" roller skaters iu Ameri ca should stand up in a row, there wouldn't be people enough left to count them. Savannah News. Now the faithful funny writer 'Along the dust of uges pokes. For the summer's work preparing Resurrecting base-ball juke. St. I'uvi Herald. When the man told his landlady she fed him wooden biscuits, she didn't get mad, oh, no, she smiled and told him board was so cheap that but the story is too sad to conclude. Mer-chaid-Traceler. A New York circus is advertising for the second year a sacred white elephant. An animal that can keep the company of circus meu for a year aud remain sa cred must certainly be a curiosity worth crawling under the tent to see. Mate man. There was a man in NorrUtown, And ha was very tall; IIo went into the skating rink And got a heavy fall. And wlmn he found himself laughed at, V ith all his might and main He quickly sprang uKn his feet And fell right down again. Xurrmtuwn Ilrrald. The other day a Newark physician, who suspected that some oue was peep ing through the keyhole of his otlice door, investigated with a syringe full of pepper sauce. He found his wife, half uu hour afterward, with u bandage over her left optic. :?he told him that she l,a I been cutting wood and a chip had hit her iu the eye. L'o::rUr-Journal. A DOAUDINU HOUSE ANUKU Tall and slender Autl divs.ttxl in blue, A fairer creature I never knew. Her (i jldi ii tresses A luetic shed. And, h.;o an aureola, I'lOWIl II. T head. Tlnl wil S'i'l light ill Her a u.e eyes t-.lm iimt lmrt biouht from Her intivo slues. Sht'v an mwl surely, l.i.t il make mo sijli To ll'll- HtlllH u U chunks of pie. Liii-sforl ditirier.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers