IIATES OF ADVERTISING, u nmuiniD inir Yroxasiut. i J. E. WENK. OlHoo in 8merbugh Co.'s Buildin ELM STREET, - TI0NE8TAp PA. TKItMH, 81. CO IKlt, YE ATt. No mlwcrlpf ions reoeid for ft ftkartw period tlmn three rnmiilis, tirrK)(iii(lnti(e Folidteil from ftll JrUf Ik I country. No notiee wid bo Uken of imonymoaj -"imnnlitf ifiri. One Sqtinr, one inch, on insertion... fl C One Sipmre, one inch, one month 8 00 I ne Square, one inch, three month. . . 0 00 One Kiinare, one inch, one year M 00 Two SquRres, ono year H Wl Qunrter Column, one year AO (tt Half Column, one year WOO One Column, one year 100 OH Ijal notices nt established rate. Marriage and death notice jratie. All bills for yearly adTeriiserrmntseolleoteJ nnnrterlv. Temporary fidTortisemenU mtut C5 VOL 171, NO. 37. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY. DECEMBER 19, 1883. $1.50 PER ANNUM. be pnid in advance. Job work, cash on delivery. u THANKSOIVINO. A flower from tlio sod lixiks up To greet the gladsome light Thot flJla with fragrance its gay cup, And makes its petals bright. Ho may our hearts look u; t Tho., Oh God, cur sun, our spring 1 And every grateful faculty To Thee it glud song f-in;i ! For tables bountifully Rpre.Nl, For homes, and hearts that lovo, For every good that cron ns our hea 1, For ho)x's thut lure above, For all the streams of Rood that flow Down from Thy distant rills, We thank Thot-; for th uy (miiip, wo know, From Thlnu eternal hills. We thank Theo for the friends still ours ; We thank Thes nono tlio For those we hove had, though thoir power Our lives no longer blos. For like a meteor in the sky, Though they have gone from sight, Thoir pas-in;; trail still greeU tin eye, And makes our night sky bright. .Teach w to hear the songs of life Teach us t see its beauty ; Oh make us manly in its strife, Nor ever dmf to duty, And tlm-e whato'er we have was given. And still by right is Thine, Teach us that earth is lik.'st heaven Through charity divine. AT X0RKIS FA KM A TIIANKSljlVINU STOItY. It was the day before Thanksgiving, hut .there were no preparations for feast or revel tit Norris farm. Tin; old red hou.su stood prim and silent in the midst of gaunt trees that had dropped thoir leaves like tears since the trouble had fallen upon Norris Place. For during tho last few months matters had grown from hud to worse, and tlio poor harvest hud proven beyond a doubt or ii hope that this old farm must go. It hud been under a mortgage these five years, and old Squire AYintors had been obliged to sell tho mortgage to raiso money to pay tho hills his long and lin gering illness during the Inst year had accumulated. "I was sorry to hcv to do it, Neighbor Norris," he said, when he came .over, the week before Thanksgiving, to tell the un welcome fact. "Tho mortgage would never hcv hcen foreclosed by me, as you know. I'd hev given you time to pay it tip if it had been twenty years. Hut my sickness just snapped me took nil my ready money; beside, hired help let the place run down and ruined all my ma chinery. Then that man came from the city buying up mortgages, and the money lie offered for the one I held on your place, wjiuld save my homo for me and my old woman. I told the man to go easy with you, but I can't swear that he will." And Neighbor Norris and his wife and Ihcir "help," Janet Dyer, listening, know just what this meant. It meant the, foreclosure or the mort fnige the day after Thanksgiving. "Shu!! I make any pics to-day?" It was Janet Dyer who asked the ques tion this morning before. Thanksgiving, lifter the. M'ant breakfast had been put away, almost untouched. Mrs. Norris shook her gray head, that had seemed to whiten strangely during Ihe hist week. "No, Janet,"' she said ; "let us have no semblance of Thanksgiving this year it would be a mockery and a lie. There is no thanksgiving in any of our hearts how can there he? Let the house be as dark and cheerless as our hearts !" " While there is life there is hope," answered Janet Dyer, softly, and the soft voice in which she spoke seemed strangely lit variance with her muscular form and large, handsome, but almost masculine, features. " Hope!'' repeated Mrs. Norris, with an accent of scorn. "Hope, did you say, Janet Dyer? No. there is no hope for us! Haven't I prayed night ami day for live years that my boy might come back t)us, reformed and repentant, to bless our old nge? Haven't 1 wearied heaven with my importunities? Have not I worked like a slave to save our home; And yet a curse hrj seemed to folllow us at every step. Everything has gone from had to worse, and now the house and farm is to go, and we are to be paupers in our old age. Don't talk to mo of hope, Janet Dyer. I have lost faith in God and man!" " You'll never be paupers while Janet Dyer has these two arms to work with!" answered the girl, baring her strong arms with cords of muscles that would have shamed many a youth. The old lady smiled grimly. "That will do to talk,'" she said. "But I know the world, Janet Dyer. "You are young, and handsome in. your way. You have a woman's heart, which is a soft thing always till it grows bitter and hard with the iron of fate, as mine has. You are human, and that means selfish. You think you will cling to us, but by-and-by some man will say a few weot words in your ear, and you w ill for- 'get all your promised allegiance to us. You will want a home and a husband and children by yourself, anil you will say, Why should I sacrifice my youth and my happiness to these old people? They are nothing to me. Ah, I know the world, Janet Dyer." A curious look came over Janet Dyer's face. "Have I shown any weakness toward lovers during the three years 1 have been with you?" she asked, in her soft voice. "Did I not give Herman Heiu a slap across the mouth, when he came with his love-words, that he will never forget to his dying day? And did 1 not scud Sandy Green away with a piece of my mind? I want no lovers!" "Ah, no, not till jthe right one comes, Then I know how it will he," answered,. the old lady, nodding her head. Hut Janet did not reply to her. She w ent toward the cornfield, a basket slung over her shoulder, and as she went she smiled softly, and said, under her breath : "When the right one comes. Ah, yes, 1 know how it will be then. Rut how much longer oh, Lord, how much longer." and the dark eyes she lifted to the gray November skies were wet with tears, yet brave with hope. Ah, Janet ! already was your woman's heart crying out for its own; in spite of your bold words you were longing for freedom. So Mrs. Norris would have said had she heard Janet's low cry. Hut it was heard only by the angels, unless the ears of corn were listening, which Janet proceeded to sever from their withered husks und fling into the basket w hich shi! had brought for that purpose. She filled the basket with surprising swiftness, then lifted it. on her Mrong shoulders and curried it to a wagon standing at some little distance, half tilled w ith golden cars. "If the season hud been warm and dry instead of cold and wet, a dozen wagon loads of cars would have left this Held instead of one," mused Janet. "And that, together with tho price the horses will bring, and thu machinery, would have kept us through the winter, or until I could find work to do. Hut as it is '! Janet finished her sen tence with a long. sigh. Then she lifted her eyes skyward again. "God will not let. us sutler 1 know it," she said, nnd fell to her work with renewed zeal, and worked until the dull glare of light that shone through the gray clouds above her told her that the sun was nearing the zenith. Then she shouldered her basket and went back to the farm-house to pre pare dinner. She had been at Norris f irm these three years, acting in every capacity from nurse to domestic in doors, and man-of-nll-work without. She, a stranger, had one day knocked at the door, saying that she had heard there was sickness in tho house, mid that she had been nurse in a hospital, and was wanting a situation, and would lie willing to give her labor for her board until she could find a better place and better pay. Sirs. Norris had taken her in without any parley, though some of tho neigh bors who were in the house at the time hud warned her against such a risky act. "Men tramps are bad enoujIi ," thev said, "hut. women are worse. Hctter find out who this girl is before you take her in." "f can't wait to trv her before a court and judge," answered Mrs. Norris. "My husband lies in yonder room, crippled by a fall from a loud of hay. My daughter is in another room, dying of uiiiok con sumption, as you all know. 1 am worn out with watching and with care, and the neighbors can't take care of us for ever. I've sent word far and near for help, and now help has come. I shall not stop to question her. I like her face ar.J will trust her till I'm obliged to distrust her." Hut the time hud never come, and now Janet Dver hail been with Mrs. Norris three rears. It was she who had closed the eye of sweet ll.it tie Norris and robed her fur the grave. And it was she who waited upon Mr. Norris, and bore with all his petulance and impa tience during the year that he hud been confined to his room, and nt the same time she had done a man's work in the field. And for all this she hud refused to take one cent in money. And so she had staid. It was ac knowledged by all, far and wide, that it was owing to Janet Dyer's excellent nursing rather than to medical skill, that Mr. Norris had regained the use of his limbs. Hut ho was not able to do' farm work, and neve would beagu in, and his mind seemed shaken a little its old vigor and strength gone for ever. Janet was head and hands both at Norris farm. And yet the neighborhood never quite forgave her for the mystery surrounding her coining to Norris farm; for Janet had not taken pains to make the expla nation to her neighbors which she had made to Mrs. Norris. " She has her eye on the property," suggested one. "Thinks she'll be the heir, now the girl is dead and the boy dis inherited. " f "Oh, yes, she's an ax to grind or she'd never stay on slavin' as she does," replied another. "Hut the property's all under moil gage, and even if that's paid up, and it's all deeded to her, that bov'll come back yet and make her trouble." "Heard he was killed in a saloon fitrht over a gaming table or somethiu' years ago." ' " Report never was confirmed. He's sure to turn up, like a bud penny." The " boy " referred to was the only son now the only child of the Norrises. He had been a w ild youth, and his father had been a severe judge,- of his youthful follies. The tighter the reins had been drawn the faster he had gone, like an un ruly colt till finally he had disgraced the family by contracting debts iu the name of his father. N orris farm had to be mortgaged to lift these debts, and, with a curse, Ansley Norris was banished from his father's roof, and forbidden over to re turn. He had gone, and a year later the re port had come of his death in a gam bling house in a neighboring city. And one disaster after another had befallen Norris farm, and tilings had gone from bad to worse, even as its mistress had said, biuce then. Thanksgiving morning broke bright nnd beautiful. Nature seemed in a smil ing which with her is always a devo tional mood. For the first time in more thun a week the sun burst through the gray November clouds, and shone with du.zling brilliancy, touching up the traces of late glory in the forests end borrowing a smile from the late Judiuu J summer with which to return thanks fo tit. VttllLtM Itl till. In all the surrounding farmhouses, even to the hut of Tom Kelly, the section hand, which was spilling over with child ren of all sizes, there was some prepar ations for a feast of thanksgiving and a holiday from labor. Loads of laughing people rodo by, going to the homes of friends or relatives to celebrate the day. Hut amidst all the merrymakings, Nor ris house stood grim and silent. Scarcely a word was spoken during the dw, f'-,.t.... r ..ii early morning hours, and Mrs. Norris went about her household duties with a sterner and more delimit expression than usual upon her face an expression which seemed to say : "Jf any l'owor expects me to be grate ful to-day for the misfortunes which have fallen so thickly on my past, it will bo disappointed." -Mr. Norris was just leading out his horses to water, and Janet was in tho stable getting out hay, when a stranger approached a tall, bearded man, who lifted his hat politely as he accosted Mr. Norris: "This is Mr. Norris, I believe?" Mr. Norris lifted his mild blue eyes, in which an expression of almost childish innocence and meekness had crept with his long and cruel sufferings, and an swered in the aflirmative. "AYell, sir, I nm informed that your horses are for sale. I suppose this is the,' span. 1 am wanting to buy, and us I was passing near here this morning I took the liberty of calling, although I knew it was Thanksgiving day, to see if we could agree on terms. What is the price you have set on your span?" Mr. Norris drew his hand across his brow. "I cannot remember," he said, "though Janet audi wore talking it over this very morning. Hut everything slips from my mind so since my fall. Janet will know; you just step inside the barn, sir, and you'll find her. Ho, Janet! here's a customer for the horses." lie led the horses on toward the watering trough, and the stranger stepped inside the barn, and at the same time spoke the name he had heard Mr. Nonis speak, but in a different tone : "Janet !" It was a voice that brought Janet from the hay-loft, with wide glad eyes and crimson checks, and a palpitating heart. And no sooner did she catch sight of the stranger than she flew to him crying: "Oh, my love, my love!" and flung her self upon his bosom in a passion of tcai'3. Hut five minutes later when Mr. Norris returned, leading the horses to their stalls, he found the two in quiet conversation in a distant part of the stable. A little later he went inio the house nnd left them still talking, so conlident that it would all be managed right if he left it to Janet. And it tired him so to think. After a time Janet came to the house. She went to the kitchen, where she found Mrs. Norris, who looked up at her with an expression of surprise in her brooding eyes. " Why, what has happened to you, Janet, that your cheeks arc all aglow ? Have you sold the team for a fortune?" "Ay," laughed Janet, and then draw ing nearer, she said: "Mrs. Norris, a man has come to buy the team and pay the mortgage on the farm, anil, oh, Mrs. Norris, forgive me for deceiving you all these years, but 1 nm a married woman, and this man who has come is my hus band, and he has money to pay up all the debts and make us all a home while we shall live. Did I not tell you that some thing might happen?" Hut -Mrs. Norris drew back, the dark cloud upon her face growing darker. " So," she said, slowly, " this accounts for your seeming kind ness, Janet Dyer ! You have been scheming all these years to get the house and farm iu your own hands, to he mistress here, and now it's done, and you pretend yon want us to remain paupers charity objects under your roof! Never; Janet Dyer! my husband and I will starve iu the street first. You would soon tire of us, you and your hus band, whoever he may be. We will go at once and leave you in full possession of your home. Ah, the world is all alike, selfish selfish to thu core. I knew some selfish purpose linked under all your seeming kindness. I knew it because you were human. No, no, we'll not tax your hospitality longer, Janet Dyer!" Hut just then the door opened and Janet's husband entered, and sprung past her, and took tho aged woman in ids arms, saying very gently as he clasped her to his breast : "Hut, supposing Janet's husband was your lost boy, Ansley, mother, who had just come back to make your old age blest, would you not dwell under his roof ?" Hut he spoke to senseless ears, for Mrs. Norris, with bno glad cry of "Ansley, my boy, my boy!" had swooned away to unconsciousness. After she recovered there was a glad day of Thanksgiving at Norris house. A tid there was a long jit ory to tell how it all happened. Ansley had been shot in a garning room, and had been taken to a hospital for treatment. Janet was one of the nurses there, and they hud ioved each other at sight. As soon as Ansley was convalescent he had told her his story, had asked her to marry him, and, as soon as the ceremony was performed he had started for the mines of Colorado. Hut, ti rat, ho had made Janet promise that she would go into the neighborhood where his parents resided, ami remain somewhere in their vicinity until his return. "I want you to be near them to keep guard over their old age," he said, " and, beside, I do not want to leave you in the city. I shall feel fur safer concerning them and you both, and 1 shall not come back till 1 can bring money to pay up all past follies, and make a home fur you and tin-in, Janet.'' Janet bud gone as he. directed, and the very day of her arrival in the neighbor hood had learned of the misfortunes which had befallen the Norris family. With fear and trembling, she had pre sented herself at the door, with what re sult we know. Years seemed to fall from Mrs. Norris' face during the Thanksgiving Day, which restored her lost faith in God and man, even as it restored the long-lost son. And something of the lost spirit and vigor seemed to return to Mr. Norris, fot a time at least, and Janet was radiant, and she set about preparing a feast fit fol kings. Fi-r Ansley Norris had come home with pockets full of gold and silver from the mines of Colorado. And so, after nil, there was iv glad and happy Thanksgiving Day nt Norris farm, and uo one sent up a more earnest cry of gratitude and praise than the softened heart of Mrs. Norris, as she clung to Janet and whispered : "It is never wise to lose faith in God, dear. You were right in clinging to his hand through the darkness of the night, which has been shattered by the glory of this beautiful morning. And all my life shall be one long day of Thanksgiving henceforth." Too Many Doctors. Witness the large number of doctors in every city struggling for mere exist ence, and siHi how very few out of the whole number really do the work. See how in almost every country village a good practice for two or three men is piecemealed by sharp and often acri monious competition, to the detriment of nil. It would seem that in acallingso high, so noble, so sacred, men lit for such ministry should be souglis for; but the great question of the young graduate is not, "AVho wants me?" but "Who will employ me?" not "Who needs me ?"' but "Where can I get a liv ing ?" In the case of four physicians dying, each in a country village, during the last year, I nm credibly informed that in one instance two, in another three, in the third live, nnd in the fourth case seven new men came to look the field over within ten days after the docr tor's death, sometimes before the burial. In one case ten attended the funeral, and in another the widow hud three letters from aspirants for the vacant place while the body of her husband still lay in the house. It is a hackneyed saying, with which too many cars are tickled, that " there is always room for good men." Applied, to tlio present condition of our profession, it is false. Were only good men and the best men admitted, it would undoubtedly be true. But all over the land, in city and country, are well-educated, culti vated gentlemen, honest nnd loyal, striv ing iu vain to secure a competence yes, a bare living even and too often is dis appointment mingled with shame and mortification at the success of ignorant and unprincipled rivals. I have said that the evil results of the excess iu numbers are mani fold. It leads to over-practice and to bud practice. The man who is hard pushed, who has few patients and needs more, is tempted to make much of little, to magnify the importance of his cases, both in his own mind and to his patrons; to make uncalled-for visits, and to give too much medicine; an unnecessary medi cation ceases te be rational. Patients are injured in mind and body. The com munity is injured by teaching the people lo Attach undue importance to trivial diseases, and to overestimate the value of treatment therein. Legitimate, honest practice suffers in reputation ; money is obtained under false pretences. Sete York- Medical l!co?J. The Uutter Tree. The Karite, or butter tree, is vei. common in the Jvnlleys of the Upper Senegal and Upper Niger. It is a fine tree, with long and oval leaves, slightly curled. The fruit is agreeable und pleas ant to the taste, and within it is a nut about the size of a hickory nut, with a firm white kernel. The fruit is gathered from the end of May to the close of September. The women ami children go into the woods every day, and especially after storms and high winds, and bring in baskets and gourds full of the fruit shaken down from the trees. These are thrown into cylindrical (holes which are seen every where iu Hanibarra villages, even in the streets. Here the fruit is left for several months, sometimes all winter, until the outer fruit dis appears. Then the nuts are thrown into vertical ovens made in the earth inside the huts, und are dried by tire. When well dried, the shells are cracked and the kernels pounded into a paste. This is placed in a jar of cold water and beaten till the butter forms on the surface of the water. This is skimmed oil and beaten again to make it rompact and ex pel the water. It is then done up in packets of leaves With tho elementary means employed by the negroes, this butter-making is a long and tedious process, and is generally done in the dry season. Karite butter is constantly used by the Humlmrrnt and Malcnkes of the Niger for cooking, for feeding thoir rude lumps, in soap-making, for the women's hair, fur dressing wounds, etc. The Djulus export small quantities toward the south. Commandant Gullioni, French otlicer, draws attention to its possible value for the manufacture of soup und tapers, as the tree is found in immense quantities, and, with machinery, the butter could bo readily obtained. One of the chief features of interest at a recent country exhibition in England was an iron watch, which had Ixen turned out by a Kidderminster linn for the purpose of showing the extraordinary malleability of their hietal. The watch is said to be perfect. ihdl or hoop earrings set with gems ot various kinds arc very fashionable. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. A new branch of trade is the making of illuminating gas from sawdust. According to a writer in a foreign paper, animal oils lire unsafe to use in air compressors, ns they take lire spontane ously in compressed air, or in other words, they create an explosive gas. A specimen of vegetable wool comc3 from Java. When it is freed from its leathery covering and the seeds, through a very simple process, it is worth between sixteen and seventeen cents a pound. According to Elcctricite, Fpiders, which ore very numerous in Japan, spin their webs during the night, between the telegraph wires and their supports. As the dew s are very abundant, the webs be come conductors of electricity and give rise to great disturbance in the transmis sion of messages. The Eureka colliery, in Pennsylvania, is now employing in their mining opera tions the expansive force produced by bringing together quicklime and water instead of blasting with gunpowder. Among other advantages claimed by this system, besides its cheapness nnd quick ness, are the following: Immunity from gas explosions, there being no lire or flame, necessary absence of all noxious gases nnd odors, and possibility of the men working without interruption, thero being no explosion. The Helena (Montana) Independent tells of a gulch between Helena and Virginia City, Nov., whose waters cover polished iron and steel, with a coating of pure metallic copper, as bright as the bur nished metal. Pick and shovels used there soon become eopper-platd. One day in 1870 a horse was permitted to stand in the moist sand some fifteen min utes, and w hen led out his shoes had a bright copper coating. The sands in this gulch arc full of beautiful crystals of metallic copper. Sometimes we found masses of cryst.di.ed copper weighing three and four ounces. Owing to the peculiarity of the Chin ese characters, each of which represents a word, not a letter, as in our Western tongues," says the English journal En fiiiariii:, " the Danish Telegraph Com pany (the Great Nortnern) working the new Chinese line has adopted the follow ing device: There are from five to six thousand characters or words in ordinary Chinese language and the company has provided a wooden block or type for each of these. On one end of this block the character iscut or stamped out, nnd on the other end is a number representing the character. The clerk receives a mes sage in numbers and takes the block of each number transmitted and stamps with the opposite end the proper Chinese character on the message form, Thus a Chinese message sent in figures is trans lated into Chinese characters again and forwarded to its destination. The send ing clerk, of course requires to know the numerical equivalent of the characters or have them found for him. Chinese Dances. In a San Francisco letter the writer say?: Through the kindness of Colonel Dec, American secretary of the Chinese consulate at San Francisco, we were per mitted to meet Mrs. Ching Ling, wife of the Chinese vice consul of New York, und several ladies of the higher and most exclusive circles of Chinatown. Mrs. Ching Ling we found to be a tall, slender and rather stately dame, who trot ted into her parlor on feet not quite three inches long. Her hair was dressed in a most elaborate manner, - decorated with jade and gold ornaments and a bunch o pink chrysanthemums. Her eyebrows were shaved to their arching lines on her fore head, and the brightest blush of rougO covered cither cheek, shadingupoverthe eyelids and temples. Her lips were col-, ored a deep red, and her ears were hung with large gold and jade ear-rings. She wore the loose trousersund blouse of durk blue silk. AVhen she had minced in on her poor little feet she greeted us with two or three prettily accented English words of greeting, imd gave us the limp hand shake appropriate to the women of fashion all over the world. Mrs. Ching Ling had a strange mixture ( womanly dignity and childlike simplicity to her, and through the interpreter we carried on quite a conversation, her funny little children clinging to her knees and watch ing us with their slant eyes nil the time. While we were talking to this Chineso madonna a vision appeared iu the door way in the person of Mrs. Ching Chung Chow, wife of one of the rich merchant') and a woman of most unusual beauty. Mrs. Ching Chung Chow is young and charming, with a delicate olive bkin, full round eyes, as softly black as a fawn, and the most graceful little ways of doing everything. She chanted her dainty lit t lo English sentences at us, lis tened with the greatest interest to the jargon the interpreter repeated after us, and hud the most bewitching ways of any woman I have seen iu a fortnight. Wliile we were raving over this celestial beauty, Mrs. Ching Ling's maid set the tea tray on the round centre-table, and the hostess proceeded to olfer us cups of tea, unattainable in any ordinary way, and of a quality to inspire u poet's song. The tea leaves that floated around in the larger cups, in which they were steeped, were one and two inches long, and the tea itself v.a-i of a delicate amber tint. Crystallized sugar was oll'ered us to put in it, and thin wafers and dried gingel completed this unique refreshment. We spent a charming balf hour w ith her, left w ith many compliments on both sides and assured Mis. Ching Ling and Mrs. Chin Chung Chow that we should only take too much pleasure in future visits. Recent statistics show that criminal and lunatic:', are generally two iiiche. shorter than the ( lass to which they be long. EMIGRANT SONG, Written on the steuint.hip City ot Home. Behind us lies a land all dim "With sighs of sorrow!) old ; Before us on the ocean's rim A land that looks of gold. We go, o fuller life t ) win, With freedom for th' opprert But wont forget the old lard in The new worl 1 o i'we West. We ennnot weep who cross the deep, Unfairly driven forth'; We might not sow, we omld not reap Oi'r shore of nitive earth ! We go, a fuller life to win, With freedom for th' opprest But wont forget the o'd land In That new world of the West. As emigrants from land to land From rise to set of sun, We build the bridge till ccean's scanned, And all the world is one. VV e go, a fuller life to win. With free.lom for th' opprest But wont forgot tho old land in That new world of the West. Gerald Massey. HUMOROUS. Remarkably, find board Sa wrlust. Superior court Sparking a rich girl. When you see a glass of water Goblet . Out of sight, out of mind A blind lu natic. Light houskeeping Keeping a light house. The Great Indian Corn Cure The Au gust sun. Quick nt figures The dancing master. Jkmton L'uJMin. The fisherman is the one who has to scratch fo- a living, at least you continu ally hear of his having a bite. Statesman, Under certain circumstances it makes a man feel mean to have people give him a wide berth, but somehow it never does when traveling on a steamboat. Burling ton Free I'renn. A Michigan youth, aged nineteen, had a flare-up with his girl, and out of re venge, married the lutter's aunt "fat, fair and forty." It is the first time aunty fat has been utilized as a cure for a broken heart. Peoria Transcript. Ex -Minister Schenck is made to say, in Life, "AVill you please state that Mis Anderson is not the only dignified American. I, too, in my day, refused to see the Prince of Wales, although at the time I held three jacks." There arc ninety-six hundred musi cal bunds of various kinds in the United States, and still some people arc surprised when they open their morning pajicrs and read of the terrible crimes committed every day. Merchant Traveler. A learned man has discovered that lttrtlu l.ieL- 41-w i-etwn nf smell Tf this icariieu iiuin siiouiu pun uu jur nia mm roll up his shirt sleeves he might in time also discover that birds luck a nose to smell with. riiihide'.phiu Call. They have an extraordinary police force in Troy. A man was attacked ut night, stunned, carried a quarter of a, mile, and then robbed of his watch and chain, money and diamond pin, hat. clothes nnd shoes. The police recovered the shoes. Keto York Sun. The idea of congratulating a man be cause he has reached his seventieth birth day, as though thut was something to bo joyous about. Now, if the man could only reach his seventh birthday again there'd be something to fetch the baud out for. Eurlincjttn llatckeye. A philosopher assorts that one of the best lessons of life is "Learn to labor and to, wait," and that "all that is good takes time, and conies only by slow growth." "This is decidedly encourag ing," murmurs the young man, as he con sults the almost invisible bristles on his upper lip. Stateotian. A German accosted u broad-brimmed specimen from Texas pu Wisconsin street. Sunday. "Who vos you, 1 don't know?" Looking the inquisitive German in tho face he replied: "I am a cow-boy." "Dot's good," replied, our German friend. "Shake. 1 vos a bully boy, do." They shook. J'tck's Sun. Now comes the annual poultry fea-it, t When roosts do barren grow, When every brand of foathirj.i beast Until in the oven go, AVhen man doth mounds of turkeys boUe And with a gravy lather 'em, And then doth of his stomach muko A sort of omnium gatherum. Youktn Gazette. Two San Francisco women are at law about a wedding dress, each claiming it, and the testimony is so mixed that the judge can't decide. Let him try Solo men's scheme with the women and tho baby! Let him threaten to spill a plate of simp or a dish of ice cream on the dress; the woman who screams and calls him " a mean old thing" will be the real ow ner. Ih troit Free J'reim. "I was to be married, you know," said Hloomsto his friend Clark, "but I g guess it's oil, you know, for g-good." How is that?" usked ('lurk. "This w ay," replied Hlooms. "She s-said she'd marry me, you know, when all impedi ments were r-rcinoved. "Yes." "Well, 1 asked her lust night if they were not all iiw r-removed, you know, and s-she said 'no.' I s-till s-stutter!" Ario York ( 'vim, icrcial. "Oh, yes," said the eldest Miss Culture at table' d'hote the other evening, "I breakfasted with Mrs. Hraiiiwait und we. enjoyed a delicious repast .excellent cof fee, superior bread, und piscatorial globes done admirably." " hut ?" asked her friend. "Piscatorial globes," repeated the Hoston miss. "And w hat under tho sun are thev?" "I believe, ' said Miss .Culture, drawing hirseli up still! y, "I believe uncultured people t all them fiU balls." .W Mail, i l l l I 11 -.r
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers