Sheerest gcpuMran. IS r0BLIUlilJ EVKRY WKDNKHDAY, BT or. u. wxiNrii:. omcE nr robinsok & bonner'8 buildup ELM BTRrXT, TI0NE3TA, PA. Rates of Advertising. One Square ' One Square " One .Square " OnflSnuarn " r isortion - J! OIK! lIlOTltll - 3 0( tli rco month - t! r oiv-e j'Piir - - VI Ci, V111Y 11Y m MY t&ificMi Two Squares, one year Quarter Col. ' Halt " " One " " - - J. ( 0 -ill) i.ti 60 CO - - ioo (t) TEEMS, $U0 YEAR. ; So Subscriptions rocnivcd for a ahorter i. nl i!nm thrco months. '.u i espomhmcpi solicited irm nil parts . I Iki country. No notice -w ill betaken t anonymous cunuiuniaoUoas. Le(,l notions at established rates. Wnnriae and death notices, frrati. 11 billa for yearly advertiseim'Ut- cuU. leicd quarterly. Teniiiornry adverttso asnta must bo paid for in advance. " Job work. Casu on ludlvery. -VOLXiy . NO. 14. TIONESTA, PA., JUNE 9, 1881. $1.50 Per Annum. Scandal-Mongers. Do you heir tho scandal-mongers Passing by, Breathing poison iu a whisper, : In a sigh ? Moving cautimiHly and Blow, flmilingewootly as they go. " Never noisy -gliding smoothly likea mialio, Slipping hero and sliding there ' ' ' Through tho moadows fresh and fair, Leaving auUtlo slimo and poison'lu their wake? K:iw :yon not tho scandal-monger-. ''s,i ' ' As she pat, Draining brightly 'neath tho roses On hor hat ? In her dainty gloves and dress, Angel-like and nothing less, Scorned alio casting smiles and ploasant words about, Ohco sho shruggod and shook hor head, liaised her eyes and nothing Baid, H'hen you spoke of friends, and yet it left a doubt. Did you watch tbo scandal-monger At the ball, Through 'ho inusie, rythm, beauty, Light and all? Moving herb, and moving there, - With a whisper light as air. Casting shadows on a siBtcr woman's fame Just a whispered word or glance As sho floated through the dauco, And a doubt for ever bangs upon a uanio. Yon will find tho scandal-mongers Everywhere; . Homotimos mon, but often women, Young and fair; Yet their tongues dip foulost slimo, And they spend thoir leisure time Casiiug mud on those who climb by work und worth ? Shun them, shun them as you go Shun them, whether high or low; . They aro but tho cursed Berponta of tbo earth THE CAVE OF DEATH. In tho early days of the French Revo lution the prisons of Lyons were filled with thousands of unhappy victims. Beventy-two prisoners who were con demned were thrown into the Cave of Death on the ninth of December, theie to await the execution of their sentence. This could not be the next day, because it was the Docadi. - One of tho prisoners by the name of id,sonly twenty-one years of age, of ft r'b6rSttl--r?is"pirit, profited by this interval to devise a plan of escape. His sisters bavin g, by means of a very large bribe, obtained access to tin abode of horror, began to weep around him. " It in not now a time to weep," said he; " it is a moment to arm ourselves with resolution and activity, and en deavor to find some way by which wo can elude our menaced fate. Bring me files, a chisel, a turn screw and other in struments; bring wine in abundance; bring a poniard, that if reduced to ex tremity, wo may not perish without tbo means of defense. By this grate, which looks into the Rue Lafond, you cwi give me these things. I will bo in wait ing there tho whole day to receive them." The sisters retired ; and iu the course of the day, at different visits, brought a variety of tools, twelve fowls, and about sixty bottles of wine. Porral communi cated his project to four others, bold and active as himself, and the whole busi ness was arranged to his complete satis faction. The evening arrived ; a general supper was proposed the last, they thought, that they should ever eat. Tho prison ers supped well, and exhorted each o.ther to meet their fate the next morn ing with heroism and fortitude. At 11 o'clock the associates began their labors ; one of them was placed as it sentinel next the door of tho cave, armed with a poniard, ready to dispatch tho turnkey if, at his visit at 2 o'clock in tho morning, he should appear to Mispect anything; the others, pulling off their coats, began to uiako their re toarches. At the extremity of the second cave they found a huge door, and on this they began their operations. It was of oak, and. double-barred ; by degrees tho hinges gave way to the files, and tho door was no longer hold by them ; but Btill they could not force it open it was held by something ou the other side, A hole was made iu it with a chisel, and, .looking through, they perceived it was tied by a very strong rope to a post at a distance. v This M as a terrible moment ! They endeavored in vain to cut the rope with the chisel or file, but they could not reach it. A piece of wax candle, how ever, was procured ; and being lighted und tied to the end of a stick, they thrust it through tho hole in tho door and burnt tho cord asunder. The door was then opened and the adventurers proceeded forward. This door they found led only to another vault, which served as a depot for confiscated effects and merchandise. Among other things was a large trunk filled with shirts. They profited by this discovery to make a change of linen; and, instead of the clean ones which they took, they loft their own, which they had worn for many weeks. Two doors besides that at which they had entered now offered themselves to their choice. They began to attack ono ; but they had scarcely applied tho filo when they were alarmed by tho barking of a dog behind. A general consternation seized the party ; the work was stopped in an in stant ; perhaps the door led into the apartments of the jailor. The idea re called to their minds that it was now near on to 2 o'clock, 'the time of his visit. " Oneof the party returned to ward tho Cave of Death to see whether all was- afeand it was agreed to sus pend their labors till his return. " . When tho scout returned he said that on Ins arrival at" the Cavo of Death ho shuddered with horror to find tho turn key there already. Tho man, however, who had been left as a sentinel had en gaged him to drink with him ; and th6 scout joining the party, they had plied him so well that he at last reeled off without examining the cave much, and was in all probability laid faRt asleep for tho rest of the night. This was very consolatory news. Quitting tho door at which they had heard the dog barking, they applied themselves to tho other. They found hero folding doors, ono of which they opened and found themselves iu a long, dark passage. At the end they per ceived still another door , but, listening very intently, they heard tho sound of voices ; it, in fact, lod to the guard house, where several soldiers in their national uniform were assembled. This was, indeed, a terrible stroke. Had they then gone so far only to meet with a worse obstacle than any thev had yet encountered? Must all tho'ir labors prove, then, at length fruitless? Only one resource then remained, and this was a door which they had passed on the side of the passage, and which they conceived must lead to the great court of the Blotel do Ville. In fact, having forced the door, it ap peared that they were not mistaken; that they were at tho bottom of the staircase which led into the court. It was now half-past i o'clock ; the morn ing was dark and cold, while rain and snow were falling in abundance. The associates embraced each other with transport, and were preparing to mount tho staircase when Porral cried out: "What aro you about? If we a. tempt to go out at present all is over with us. Tho gate is now shut, and if any ono should be perceived in the court tho alarm would instantly be given, and all wottld be discovered. After hav ing had tho courage to penetrate thus far let us have resolution to wait awhile. At 8 o'clock the gate will bo opened and tho passage through tho court free. We can then steal out by degrees, and mingling with the numbers, we can go away without being perceived. It is not till 10 o'clock the prisoners are sum moned to execution; between 8 and 10 there will bo time enough for all of us to get away. We will return to the cave, and when tho time of departure arrives each of us five will inform two others of the means of escape offered. We shall then be fifteen, and going out three at a time, we shall pass unob served. Let tho last three as they set off inform fifteen others, and thus in succession we may all make our escape. This plan appeared judicious and safe; it was unanimously agreed to, and the associates returning to the cave, made choice of those who should first be in formed of what they had done. Montellier, a notary, and Baron do Chaffoy, to whom tho moans of escape were offered, refused to avail themselves of them, the former from a confidence of a pardon, as ho had been mistaken for his brother ; and tho latter, though in the flower of his ago, declared that all his ties to this world were broken, and that life had nothing now to offer which could make him desirous of prolonging it. They were both guillotined in the morning. Tho fato of tho fifteen who fled was very dissimilar, and the escape of the rest was prevented by tho imprudence of one of them. The last of the fifteen who, in quitting the cave, was according to the plan arranged, privately to apprise fifteen others, instead of doing so, cried aloud : "The passage is open ; let every ono that can, escape." This excited a great movement among the prisoners. They arose in an in stant, doubting whether what they heard could be true, or whether he who ut tered theso words was not mad. The noise tiny made alarmed tho sentinel without; he called to the turnkey; they hastened immediately to the cave, per ceived what had been done, and closing up tho doors by which the prisoners had escaped, placed a strong guard before it. Nesplo, .who had excited this movement, was, with three others, taken and executed. Another of the fugitives took refuge in tho house of a friend, in an obscure street; but he was discov ered, brought back and guillotined. It was not thus with Porral, tho orig inal author of the plan. Flo was the first that came forth from tho cave. As he passed the sentinel in the court, ho said: " My good friend, it rains and snows very hard ; were I in your place I would not remain out of doors such weather, but would go to the fire in the guard room." The sentinel thanked him, and, fol lowing his advice, tho coast was left more clear for the prisoners. Porral took refuge in the house of one who was considered a good patriot, and es caped the observation of a party of commissioners who entered the house. As soon as they were gone, he began to think of making his way out of the city as fast as possible. When ho ar rived at the Palaco Belle-Cour he found parties of the gendarmerie dispersed everywhere. Porral went into a Louse, and, making known who he was, en treated an asylum. Tho inhabitants were women, timid to excess, but tho desire of saving an innocent person rendered them cou rageous. They gondueted him into a garret and concealed him behind some planks btamliug up iu a corner. The gendarmes arrived ; they searched the hotfeo; they came into tho garret where Porral was concealed. Here they found a large cask, the top of which was fastened down by a pad lock. . They asked for tho key; tho women went downstairs for it. While they were gone tho gendarmes leaned against the planks, while a second one said: ? " 'Twould bo droll enough if we were to find ono of tho fugitives concealed in this cask." " More likely plate or money," says a third, " for it seems very heavy." Tho key at length arrived; tho cask was unlocked and was found to bo full of salt. The gendarmes swore at this disappointment, visited tho roof of the liouso and then retired. In the even ing Porral, dressed in women's clothes, with a basket on his head and another on his arm, passed the bridge of La Qnilletiere and quitted the city. Gabriel, another of the fugitives, con cealed himself among the bushes in the marshes of the Trevauxe Perrach, where he was nearly frozen to death, but he got away to a place of safety. One young Couchoux, who was one of the five that had opened the way of escape, made choice of his father, who was nearly eighty years of age, as ono of the fifteen, but the poor old man's legs were swollen, and he was scarcely able to walk. " Fly, fly, my son ! " he said; " if thou hast the opportunity fly this instant ! I command it as an act of duty, but it is impossible that I should fly with thee. I have lived long enough my troubles will soon be finished, and death will be deprived of. its sting if I know that thou art in safety." The son assured him that he would not quit tho prison without him, and that his persisting in his refusal would only end in tho destruction of both. The father, overcome by his dutiful affection, yielded, and, supported by his son, made his way to the bottom of the staircase, but to ascend it was out of his power; he could just drag his legs along the ground, but to lift them up was im possible. His son, though low in stat ure and not strong, took him up in his arms. 'Alio desire of saving his father gave him renewed strength, and he carried him to the top of the stairs. His filial piety was rewarded, and both father and son escaped. The Feet. Corns that common bane of man kindare sure to restdt from the wear ing of any boots that do not fit comfort ably and allow ample space for tho proper movements of the joints of the feet and the toes ; bunions, which are painful tumors formed by an actual inflammation of a small sao or bursa situated over the joint of each great toe ; weak ankles, which are very commonlv produced by wearing the fashionably made boots with high heels, together with a relaxed condition of tho muscles and tendons of the leg ; in-growing toe nails, which are not only most painful, but also take some time to be thoroughly cured, and necessitate actual operative interference; chilblains, which, al though they may and do take place in those who do not wear tight boots, are still invariably the outcomes of them, from interrupted circulation ; cold feet, from the same cause ; and last, but by far tho worst of all, an actual diseased condition of one or more joints either of the toes or of the foot itself. All those, then, may be the wages we have to pay for the comparatively small pleasure of being considered possessed of "a pretty foot." But because you aro not to wear tight-fitting boots, it is no reason that you should go to the other extreme and wear the hideous unshaped things that are often seen ; all I wish to insist on is that you should be satisfied with the size and shape of tho foot Providence may have ordained you to bo the pos sessor of, and do your best to maintain it in its natural and healthy condition. How, then, can this be done but by having your boots made exactly and comfortably to fit you ; by never al lowing your bootmaker to measure your root wane raised from tno ground, re membering that the foot expands quite one-twelfth of its length, and laterally still more, when the weight of the body is upon it ; by having a last made of the exact shape of your foot, and always having your boots made upon it ; by never wearing those abominable high and narrow-pointed heels, which are positively dangerous, ungainly, and cer tain to lead to bad results ; and, finally, by having tho soles of your boots made of fairly substantial thickness, and of not too soft or porous leather.' By these means, then, you w ill be ena bled to take the exercise absolutely necessary for your bodily health, to venture upon the longest walks with no dreaded prospect of discomfort, and to retain for your feet in your old age their normal shape and condition ; and the price you will have to pay for this much coveted end is tho mere loss of tho whispered compliment, dropped from the lips of thoughtless men or ignorant fools, " What a pretty foot 1" Hitrper's Weekly A. S. Gardiner, of Ypsilanti, Mich., in response to a challenge to produce an car of corn with 'JUO kernels on the ear, produced a basketful of ears aver aging a foot in longth and none having less than 'JOO kernels to the ear. One specimen had 1,209 kernels. Tho vuriety is a yellow-dented red cob, and was planted in hills four feet apart each way, and -yielded 120 bushels to the acre. THE FARM AM) HOUSEHOLD. Flavor In 1'onltrr. A "Writer in the Counlrv Gentleman discusses the subject of flavor in fowl's flesh. Among other remarks he says: That breed has something to do with it may not be denied, but that food has more can safely be credited. Food not only affects the flavor, but the quality and quantity also. Fowls that are fat tened on corn alone produce not only a sweet-flavored flesh and plenty of it, but tho fat is apt to bo oily, and possess a strong, unpleasant odor. This is in a great measure governed by the breed. The small fowls will take an enormous weight of fat in comparison with the size. That small fowls are superior where quality is desired is a decided fact; but where quantity is the desider atum, irrespective of other qualities, the larger lowls may be cultivated, es pecially the Asiatics. Buckwheat makes fine, white flesh, but nothing flavors it like ground corn and oats intermixed equally, and scald ed or mixed with either milk or water, but not enough for tho milk to run. This should bo given fresh each day, and not allowed to sour or ferment. Fowls require good, sweet food. Musty meal or moldy grain are always unsuit able. For table use, where a fine flavor is desired, fowls should be confined in clean quarters, and be fed on wholesome food for at least one week before slaughter. Where fowls are confined in small compass, some absorbent should bo used to neutralize the droppings, otherwise the flesh will become tainted from the disagreeable odor arising therefrom. For this purpose there is nothing better than air-slack lime or unleached wood ashes, where there is sufficient ventilation. Farm nml ai'lii Not en. Lime applied to tho compost heap will effectually destroy tho seeds of weeds. No man will ever get a first-rate, even, or profitable flock of sheep, who does not make a practice of yearly culling. We found last year that the Beauty of Hebron was subject to scab more than the Snowflake or Early Rose, both of which were planted under the same conditions. Burbank's Seedling is said to be especially free from this disease. All soils are improved by mixing. The physical properties of the soil have an important influence upon its average fertility. Tho admixture of pure sand with clay soil produces an alteration which is often beneficial, and which is almost wholly mechanical. The sand opens the pores of the clay and makes it more permeable to the air. There is no one special fertilizer that will meet all the needs of grass. A good mixed compost is the best. Such a one I'ould be made of swamp muck, rotten leaves or manure, or even earth for the basis, and gypsum, salt, bone flour, or snper-phosphato of lime and fish guano or nitrate of soda. Ten loads of tho coarse material and 100 pounds each of the others would make an effective top dressing for an acre; or the artificials might be mixed with one load, and this applied to an acre, if the coarse stuff is scarce. Tho cheapest meat for the farmer is mutton. It may safely be said to cost nothing, as the fleece from a sheep of a good brood will pay for its keeping. Then, for additional profit there is a lamb or two, the pelt of the animal if killed at home, the excellent manure from its droppings, and the riddance of the pasture from weeds,, to which sheep are destructive foes. With tho exception of poul try, mutton is also tho most con venient meat for the farmer. A sheep is easily killed and dressed by a single hand in an hour, and in the warmest weather it can be readily disposed of before it spoils. Science and experience both declare it the healthiest kind of meat. An exchange says : We had a calf which refused to take milk or water. In a pailful of water we put a handful of bran and a bit of ugar. The calf drank the "cocktail" and licked the pail. It grew very fast. Facts and experiments go to prove that a cow high in flesh will yield more butter in proportion to the yield of milk than one in low flesh. Corn requires fertility and cultiva tion, without which, it matters not how good your seed, you will never have a good crop, however propitious the sea son may bo. Boiled cabbage and potato skins are highly relished by laying hens. Onions aro a regular delicacy for all kinds of poultry. Vines are said to extract from the soil only about three-fourths the quan tity of potash and phosphoric aWd which tho cereals take up. Potash is an excellent fertilizer for the grape vino. Fork in around the roots a few pecks of wood ashes. Cow dung contains a largo portion of potash and but a comparatively small amount of nitrogen, consequently it is a bettor fertilizer than horse nianvre for tho grapo vine. A New York farmer writes that he planted eight acres of low, mucky land witn red kidney beans. On the twen tieth of July, after cultivating the beans for the last time, purple top strap leaf turnips were sown between the rows with a hand drill. The beans yielded twenty-one bushels to the acre, and tho turnips were a splendid crop. This, being his first crop of turnips, is a very encouraging experience. To make a complete manure from swamp muck, says Dr. Stewuit, we would proceed as follows: Take of sea soned swamp muck forty bushels, or one two-horse wagon load; mix thoroughly with it five bushels of wood ashes, 100 pounds of lino bone flour, 100 pounds of finely ground plaster and throw it into a heap, in which it will heat and ferment, and leave it for two or three months. This will be equal to twice its bulk of the best cow manure. If night soil could be added to it it would be increased in- value. Heel dp. A Summer Soup. In an article on "Summer Soups" Mrs. Beecher gives the following as a receipe for a most delicious pea soup: Put half a pound of butter into a soup kettle over the fire and add to it a quart of green pear. Shake them round constantly for fifteen minutes to prevent their browning. Then take out half the peas and set aside; then pour in two quarts of vege table stock, or some prefer boiling water. Cut fine about a pint of spinach, half a dozen green onions, a little mint if agreeable and a head of celery. Set the kettle where this will stew slowly two hours till the materials are reduced to a jelly, then add the pint of peas re aerved, three teaspoonfuls of sweet but ter rolled in flour, two tablespoonfuls of salt and one of black pepper. Let it just boil up, then pour into a hot soui) tureen and serve immediately. Old-Fashioned Gingerbhead. Two cups best New Orleans molasses, one cup hot water, scant half-cup melted butter, a heaping teaspoonful soda, a little ginger and salt. Mix as soft as possible and roll out one and a half inches thick. Bake as quickly as you can without scorching, and eat warm or cold with butter. Fhuit Pies. Fruit pies in deep dishes, such as are made by the English and French, are preferable to ordinary fruit pie, because you obtain more juice and fruit. The best method of making these is as follows: Take a deep, oval pie dish, china (not tin), line the edge with paste, also about half its depth in side. Now place a small cup, an egg cup is best, and one that will stand a little above the edge of tho dish; next fill your dish with fruit, then add a lit tle wator if your fruit has not too much juice. Some fruits, such as currants and raspberries, have enough juice; also add sugar to taste Now cover this with a crust of short paste, wash it with water or white of an egg, and dust with powdered sugar. Make a few fancy cuts on it before baking, and after it is washed and sugared do not cut too deep. These cuts give it a rich-looking appearance. The cup in the center col lects the juice, and if the whole of the pie is not eaten at one meal what is left can be supplied with juice by simply lifting the cup and allowing tho juice to escape. Tho edge of this pie, to be artistic, should be pinched up with the finger and thumb, then notched with a knife. If you use fruit which gives too much juico you can prevent boiling over by mixing a little flour with tho sugar, about one teaspoonful of flour to twelve of sugar. Doughnuts. One large egg, four and one-half tablespoonfuls melted butter or lard, one coffeo cup sugar, one cup sweet milk, one teaspoonful ginger bought at the drug store, two of cream tartar from the samo place, one of soda dissolved in the milk. Mix the cream tartar with flour enough to make the dough just stiff enough to handle, fry in hot lard, take out and lay on brown paper a moment, then in a dish and grato sugar over them first on one side and then on tho other; do not allow them to cool before putting on the sugar. PiiESERVED Plums. Allow to every pound of fruit a pound of sugar; put into stone jars alternate layers of fruit and sugar, and place the jars in a moder ately warm oven. Let them remain un til the oven is cool. If prepared at tea time let them remain until morning; then strain tho juice from tho plums, boil and clarify it. Remove tho fruit carefully to glass or china jars; pour over the hot syrup and carefully cover with egg, tissue paper or thick whits paper, or bladder tied closely dow n. Liked Asparagus. Tho Emperor William, of Germany, has a very sensitive palate, and is very fond of asparagus. At one of tho din ners at tho royal castle at the time of his grandson's marriage the emperor remarked: "It is very strange; every time I eat asparagus at tho castlo it tastes of soap, which it never does at the palace." The most searching in quiries wero instituted, but nothing suspicious could bo discovered. Still the emperor had been so positivo that another council of war was held, this time comprising the treatment of the vegetablo from the entrance into the castle to the time of its being served at table. The result was a complete vin dication of the emperor's acute senso of taste. Tho castlo kitchen is so un favorably fcituated as to necessitate the carrying of tho dishes to be served across tho castlo yard, during which transit they aro placed in covered bas kets. In order to keep tho asparagus hot tho asparagus dishes aro covered with an extra supply of hot napkins. These napkins, like all other table linen, aro washed in soap, and asparagus, being more than ordinarily sensitive, is but too apt to acquire a soapy taste from the brief contact with tho napkins. Tho dish being first handed to tbo em peror, ho could hardly help taking just the very one most impregnated with tho offending taste. Henceforth his favorite dish is not to be covered with soaped" napkins. Best of AH. The world hath vory little it can m To make us happy; all its precious things What men call precious, and for which they ' live '. To a end heart aro worthless offonngs. For That aro gems and what is tawny gold ? And rarest spices from swcetCyprian blooms ? And Bilkcn fabrics shimmering fold on fold, The costliest products of the Eastern looms? They cannot eavo the soul a single pain, Or to the weary heart bring hope again. What is the flash of wit, the Balon'e glow V. Tho wine may shine, and leap aud sparkle up, From marblo tables white as purest snow, And brim blood-red the gold-iucrustcd cup; Tho air may languish filled with perfume sweet, Etruscan vases burn with roses red, And velvet carpets sinking 'neath the feet Give back' no echo from tlfJT stateliest tread: than this Splendor alone can never give us bliss. f Far more, fur more wo piixc a gentlo touch The mute caress of fingers on the huir -A kind word spoken oh, how very lmieli - Theso littlo tokens do to lessen care, It matters littlo if the homo be bare Of luxury, and what the world calls good, If we have only one true spirit there By whom our better bcIvcs aro understood Whoso deepest heart-throbs are for u alone, With whom in thoughts and wishes we aro ono. HUMOR OF THE DAY. What nut is most toothsome, eaten with the shell on ? Did you say dough nttt? Said the general to the major: " What is your rank, sir?" and tho major re plied: " I am a major, general." There being warm weather, it is about time to discover that the ice crop was spoiled by tho frost. Elmira Free Press. Chang, tho Chinese giant, can read the Bible in six different languages, but thinks it reads best in the Chinese ver sion. We don't. Mining stocks were not invented in Banquo's time, although ho said: "The earth hath bubbles as the water hath." Boston Courier. " Tinafore " and the smallpox reached Honolulu and Japan on the same boat. They didn't mind the smallpox very much. Boston Post. The saying that beauty is but skin deep needs to bo modified. Is there anything particularly striking about a chime of bells till they are pealed? A lady who had quarreled with hor bald-headed lover said, in dismissing him: "What is delightful ' about you, my friend, is that I have not the trouble of sending you back any locks of hair." Chicago Tribune. The very latest, nicest little idea is for a young lady to decorate a miniature bellows aud send it to her best gentle man friend. It signifies: " Don't mind your poverty; I will raise the wind." New Haven Register. If a poor merchant should marry an extravagant girl would his book-keeper? If she should neglect to sew on his buttons, would her dress-maker ? And if sho should refuse to put on her own clothes, would her hair-dresser. Some washerwomen don't understand their business and loosen that back button on tho shirt so it will come off at the last minute and give a man an ex cuse for being late at church. But most of them aro thoughtful enough to , do it. Boston Post. "So you enjoyed your visit to the me nagerie, did you?" inquired a young niun of his adored one's little sister. " Oh, yes ! And do you know, we saw a camel there that screwed its month and eyes around awfully ; and sister said it looks exactly as you do when you are reciting poetry at evening parties." AN EXPLANATION. Her lips wero so near That what else could I du ? You'll bo angry, I fear Well, 1 can't luuko it clear, Or explain it to you, lint ner lips were so near That - what else could 1 do ? ikribiuT'l yiiujiuine, " Maggie, dear, if I should attempt to spell Cupid, why could I norgeUbe youd tho first syllabloV" Maggie gu ve it up, whereupon William said: "Bo causo when I como to o u, of course 1 cannot go farther." Maggie said sho thought that was the nicest conundrum, she had ever heard. lii'ulo K.qress. - " Charles," she said, , as she brushed the hair back from his forehead when ho sat reading tho paper yesterday morning, "w hy is a watch-dog smaller in tho morning than ho is at night?" " He ain't." " Yes ho is. D'you give it up i" " Yes." " Because he has to bo let out at night and taken in in the morning." A Lizard or a Lie. An iibtoni.shing story has been brought to light by tho serious illness of a man named Pete Lemon, living in Detroit, to the effect that two years ago ho swal lowed a small lizard in a glass of water, and that it bus lived aud continued to grow in tho man's stomach till it has at tained large dimensions, and can be felt just below tho ribs above the loins. It moves about the btoui.u h, causing great ' pain and profuse vomiting. Lemeu can only rest when tho lizard is still and by lying flat on his back, and has come to' i be hopeless of relief save iu death. When the accident occurred the weight f of the man was 175 pounds; noiv seventy- three pounds, lie is sixty years OKI.
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