4 i u tvnusavD svkrY Tuesday, at Vt. ft. DUNN. Jfflc In Kjox' Buildinft Eln Street. TERMS, A YEAR. Tfo Subscription received for 11 shdrtor period tlmii throe mouth. Correspondence solicited from nil port of the country. No notice will bo taken of aiinonrin''ms c-iiuinuulcatlon. MarrU;os and Death uotlue inserted ftl. BUSINESS DIRECTORY. TIONKSTA LODGE, NO. 477, I. O. Or. T. Meat every Wednesday evening, at 8 'cluck. . ! w.n. ni's.v, w. c. t. v. M.W. TATE, W. tf. ' . WHWTON PEIT1S. MILKS W. TAT. PKTTIS & TATE, ATTORNEYS AT LAW, tab jKr, TIOSESTA, PA. Isaac Ash, ATTOUNEY AT LAW, Oil ritv. Pa. Wlil pra 't':co in the vrlni CVuirU of Forest Ccuo'v. All Imsloess entrusted to i eare will rucovo prompt ultentl n. M ly W. W. M.ison. ATTORNEY AT LAW. nm.-enn Rlin Street, above WKlnut, Tionesta, I'n. C. W. GilfllUn, TTORNEY AT LAW, Franklin, Ve 1 nuiiKO Co., I'n. tf. N. B. Smiley, ATTORNEY aT LAW, Petroleum Con tre, I'n. Will practice ill the avnrnl Courts of Forest County, .Ki-ly W, P, Mercilllott, Attorney n t Law. AND uibix knt.itk aji:.t. Tl OS Ear A, VA. r-tr r.L ARK !i FASSETT, A 7 TO Jt Si: YS A T L A If, Vlt!;i:N ANT) Tl MOUTH, I'A. TJI! VN IERSll!NEI having nssoct ed tlxiinxiilvra together in tin prac tice of law, nll'er thir prole.-sioiial scrv cos to the public. nmMii'M'i promptly a"en lcd to !n all 'ho conts of W arren, Forest and adjoining e I'inii 'h, jrriD3 a. clabz, d. d. ta.s3ett, tvatii'ii. Fa. Tidioule, Pn. Tiori; s'.a Housei. MITTEL, rr printor. Elm St.. T:o t net, I'll., at the mouth f thncreek, Mr. Idle liai tliorou hl v rp'vv itol the Tionosti 'louse, and re-fiim'sond It mm. pletelv. Al',wh- pn'mnir.o him will be well vu(rtaiiied at roiaonuble rate. 1!" ly FOREST KCLfeU., DniiVriC PROPRIETOR. Opposite I'ou'-t House. Tionesta. I'a. Just openo'. . Kvei ythinu new and clean nod fredi. The bot of Minora kot teon-tantly on hand. A por.inn of Ihu public patr m-agei- rtapocU'iiliy ".oKiMted. 4-17-1 v H.i'.m? ?S HOUSS, riMONESTA, I'A. opposite the ficpot. 1 C, I'. Malile, Proprietor. Hood Sta klinu; connected with thehoiiNP, tf. Syncusj House, rrvDTxUT ,P., J. A- n M.ujkk, Proplo--L ton. The hoti-ip has been thoroughly relittnd and Hn iw in the lirst-class order, witli t ! het of accommodations. Any nfor.iiieion e liipprninit ijl Territory at thii point will bo chcerl'ullvl'urnlshpd. -ly J.kD. MAUEE, Exrhire Hotel, I OWr.ll TIIIl'TE, Fa., P. S. Rams J ikki. A Sox Prop's. This house having been relit-Ml is now the mostde.sirublpst.ip liiu p)a e in Tidloato. A good llilliiird )too n m inched. 4 ly t National Hotel, IRVINKTON. V. W. A. Ilallonbaek. Proprietor. ThiH hotel la Kkw, and Is . w open as a first rlaxs house, aitnate at ee.liiiirtion ot the oil ( reek Alleirheny t verand Philmlelpliia A Erie Hailroadu, ppiwlto the lext. .Parties liavlmr to lay i ver trains will liiul this the most lumven- rnt hotel in town, with nrst-class aueom- testations and reasonable harueH. tf. Dr. J. L. A;onrh, "HYSiriAN A N D SITRUKOX, whohns I had lilteen veara' exueripnee in ; law and KtK'eessl'ul praetiee, will attend all Professional Calls. Olllee In his Driifr nxl troeerv Store, located In I idioute, near Xidioute House. IN Ulfi STDRE WILL RE FOUND .A full assortment of Medieines, Liipiors Toboeeo, 1'iirars, Stationery, (Jlass, Paints, 4 ilv Cutlery, anil line (iroeeries, all of the 'best quality, and will be sold at reasonable rates. H. R. IH7RWF.SS. an experiuneed Prue- uiKtCrom New York, has charge of the tjrg.. All prescriptions put up accurately. ir. ' SLOAN & VAN GIESEN. AND IV AGON-MAKERS. .Corner of Church and Elm Streets, TICXNTESTV, rV. This linn is proiiaicd to do all work in its line, and will uarr int everything done a. their h ps to :ie atiul'aolion. 1'ar ticuijr attention given to lionsu-siior-iXG, iytUei a trial, Rret it. and you will mt ro w-iy JOHN 4. CA.t, PRE IT. OHNA. fSOPlB, VICE PR: ST. . H.aYCELt, CASHR TIOITESTA SAVIUQS BANK, Tionesta, l-'oreht Co., Pa. Tb! Rpnk transuo-.a General llnukinir, Collot tinr and Kxclmn; e lluxinaKs. Drurts on the Principal Cities of the United Stales and Europe boii)rlii and sold. tiold and Silver C'.in und Jo eminent Securities bought and Hold. 7-:iil ii..uds i'i averted on mo most favornb.e U ruis. inturebt allowed uiitiiuo depesits. Var. 4, H'. Ol'li-i ill HE lor lug i'ortbt Republic J It will pay. For "Let ua have Faith VOL. IV. NO. 35. rnir. nmei'tmr r.t. K U. n.TIIIIIUUK, Tti'M. t . rmiiiiT n-rr. UF.O. V. D'l IIKOiliR. The superior lumber co MANUFACTURERS OF Pine Lumber, Lath, Shingles &c, Mills on Tionnta Trtrk, Forrst Co., Pa, Tardi k Office cor. 22d i Bail Road St., PITTSRUnGH, PA. KDWAHD DITHKIDUK. It D. DITHRIIHX FORT PITT GLASS WORKS. Established A. I. 1827. MAStTFArTcnKns or Dithridge's xx Flint Glass PATENT OVAL LAMP CHIMNEYS. AND Silvered Glass Reflectors. Those i-hl itinera do not brrk bv heal. Ask for PlTittuDoKs, Take no other". ITTHRIDGE t SON, al ly. FittHhuiKh. Pa. Xi'w Klonrtlint; Ilunwe. MRS. S. S. IMTI.INcs has budt a Inrire a Idition in her house, and is now nre- pare. I to a imiuodatp n number of perma-. ni.nt liiiuiilfrs. 1011I nil tiMiiKietit om.s wlin miiv favor her with their patronivje. A Rood Hlablo bus recently been built to ae- iiiinoiate tlie horses of ituests. Charges rea-onalile. Hesidencoon Elm St., oppo site S. lladet's storo. - ii-t-ly Jos. Y. S;iul, PRACTICAL Harness Maker and Sad dler. Three doors north of Holmes llouxo, Tionesta, l'a. All work is war ranted, tf. D"rf I. N. HOLARI), of Tidloute, lias returned to his practice alter an ab- ni-e of four inonth. spent in the lln.pl- tnlrfofNew York, where will attend alls in his prol'cs.-.ion. Olllee in tturekn Drnir store. Sit noor ibove the bank, T'dWiite, l'a. 4!itf GREAT EXCITEMENT ! at the Store of D. S. KNOX, & CO Elm St., ionesta Ta. Wo are In daily roeoipto, the 'irMtsnd MOST COMPLETE stork a ninl rnovisioxs, EVER BROUGHT TO THISMArKET BOOTS & SHOES ! FOR THE MILLIONS! which we arc determined to sell regardless of prices. AND House Furnishing Goods, Iron, Nails, Machine tools, Agricultural Implements, Ac., Ac,, Ac., which we offer at greatly re duced prices. FURNITURE ! FURNITURE! ! of all kinds, PARLOR SUITS, CHAMBER SETS, LOUXfiES, WHATNOTS, SPRING RE I'N, MATRESSES, LOOKING GLASS ES, Ac, Ac., Ac In ENDLESS VARIETY. Cull and see, 7-tt I). H. KNON, A CO. WAX TF,I . Menu Dd TVnmen seek In,, a , nnviil' Lusinoss to sell our 'I- lustrited, liis'oiieal, biotia'hleal, rod jiioes and a'iieullural w irks, send sbimji lor foil particulars how vou mn nmkesl 0 toiOKper nth. K. M. TREAT, Pub- liidUor, 005 IJro-jdway, N. Y. "U-il 17 cjm that Right makes Might; and TIONESTA, Relative Rank of Cities. The cities of New York, Philndel- liia, and Brooklyn iniiintuiii the eaine relative rank as to population that they did in 1800. There has been con siilcTublo shifiiiie; of places, ainoii those that now constitute the remain der of the twenty foremost cities ol the Union. During the last dcrade St. Louis lias ascended the scale from the eighth to the fourth. Chicago, in a similar proportion, changes from the ninth t the tilth. Baltimore, which in 1800 was the fourth, retrogrades to the sixth. Boston pursues the same direction, from the filth to the seventh. Cincinnati retires a step, from the seveiitth to theeighth. New Orleans lulls back from the sixth to the ninth. 81111 Francisco, taking a noble, for ward leap, vaults from the 11 flee nth to the tenth. Bulliilo lngs behind from the tenth to the eleventh. Washington makes n Blride from the fourteenth to the twelfth. Newark, New Jersiy's thriving mo tropolis, drops, nevertheless, from the eleventh to the thirteenth. ' .Louisville, twelfth in rank in 18G0, is now H'iied to the fourteenth. Cleveland, foil." steps forward, mounts from the nineteenth to th fifteenth. Pittsburgh alone retains the same relative rank now m then, the sis- , ICentll. Jersey Uity riscg from the twentieth to I lie iiiiportaiice of the geventeeutli. Detroit- reeciles fro n tlie seventeenth to the eigliteenlh. Milwaukee, from the eigliteenlh to the nineteenth. Albany, which wax, ten years ngo, the thirteenth, now takes the old place Jersey City, twentieth. I Tell us not ill idle jingle "ninrringe u an empty dream;" for the girl is dc:td that's single, tuid things lire not what they seem. Life is real, life is is earliest, single blessed nos a fib; "Man thou art, to man returneth," has been spoken of the rib. Not enjov incut and not sorrow is our destined end or way, but to net that each to morrow finds us neurer inurriage-day. Lite is long ut.d youth is ilectir.g, and our heart, though light and gay, still like pleasant drums ure beating wed ding marches all the day. In the world's broad fields of battle, in the bivouac of life, be not like dumb, driven caltle be a heroine a wile! Trust no future, howe'er pleasant ; lei thedeud past bury its dead; act net ii. the living present, hoping for a spouse ahead. Lives of niiirrie.l folks remind us we ran live our lives as well, and departing, leave behind lis such examples as w ill "tell" such ex amples that another, wasting time in idle sport, n forlorn, unmarried broth er seeing, shall take heart and court. Let us, then, be up mid doing, itli u j heart on triumph set; still :out riving. still pursuiug, und each oncahubai.d get. The Fincastle (Va.) Herald cava n lively trade has sprung up in acorns in the last few weeks, the price fr good ucurns ranging from 25 to 35 cents per bushel. For fattening hogs thev ure found nearly as good as corn. Ti.f. ii . i. i e i ii is recalls uie uisiorv oi a i;iriu near Baltimore which had been sold th.ee times, und of each sale hud come back to the sellers hands in discharge of the mortgage for unpsid purchase tiionev. Soon after lie hud sold it the fourth time he visited the property and louiid the purchasers wile and children gathering acorns. Kidinir home the gentleman called out to his son. 1 he old place is gone at last and it was. The purchaser has crown wealthy off the laud where others had f.iiled. by the practice of an industry which would not even let the acorn crop go to waste. It thu parallel holds in the case of riuciistle, then Bottetourt coiinty, Virginia, in beginning to save her acorn crop, has set out upon tho path of prot-pcrity and weuhh. A penniless young lawyer asked a millionaire for his daughter's hand. "I shall give my child a hundred dolla.'s on her wedding-day," unsHcied the merchant. "It is a pretty litl'e sum, enough to provide breakfasts for the family. Now will you have the kindness to lei I me how you propose to furnish the dinner?" "Oh, for that matter," returned the unabashed youth, "those who have break tinted so well will not littd uu dinner at all." It has been ascertained thut there are but 2,000.000 cannibals in the world, and the iiiiiubci' is rapidly de rreueiug, not on account of u dcfieicii cy in ti e suj ply of their peculiar food, but owing to the yearly increasing bad ness of its ipmlily. It is said that some tribes have lately abandoned it in disgiu!, and Lave taken tu rattle snake. We are informed that the Roths child I'u.n'.ly is about to "celebrate the eel leniiry ot the banking house to which it owes its fortune." Would it not bo more correct to desciihe the celebration as a Jcwbilcc? KEPUBLICAN. in that Faith let us to tha end, PA., TUESDAY, DECEMBER 4, 1871. A Tale of San Francisco. Hospitality is a virtue, but nbtises if its privileges are so common that one is tempted to regard it as general ly better in theory than in practice. That is to suy, it is u virtue to be ex--rcised with caution, and of the truth of this opinion a Mrs. B., of San Fran cisn, bus been disagreeably convinced. Mrs. B is described as one of those la dies moving in the "best circles," and lately sue was informed by letter that a beautiful and accomplished iiiece of an intimate friend was about to make her a visit. Glad to welcome an east ern belle, Mrs. B. determined to omit nothing that could render her stay pleasant. In due tunc Georgie Mande ville arrived, ami her htHiity, her rare accomplishments, and, above all, her luxuriant golden tresses, became at once the theme of conversation among the Sun Francisco bachelors. The story is easily guessed : She came, she saw, de conquered. A wealthy broker of fered the fascinating niece his hand ami heart, and being fortunate in his suit, pressed for an immediate marriage Mrs. B. rejoiced, und to her rejoicing came the anxious l.icce. What should she do for a trousseau T she had writ ten to her bunker, but it took time to receive money. Of course Mrs. B. was only too glad to advance the ne cssitry $5,001), und a magnificent nr ruy of laces and other goods was at ttliss Georgie's disposal. Meantime, having told her predicament to her hcl.'irnthed, he too had handed his check for a like amount to his ensla ver. As they say on the stuge, "Exit Georgie; enter police." A trunk of eu-t off clothing ii nd n profusion ol golden hair was all that the fictitious niece but clever swindler liuU left be hind her. A good story is told of a rather ver dant agricultural laborer, who liuviug by hook and crook scraped together fifty dollars, took it to his employer, with a request t.i It ke charge of it for him. A year after the laborer sent to another friend to know what would be the interest mi it. He nus told three dollars. "Well," said he, "I wish you would lend me three dollars for a day or two. My boss bus been keeping fif ty dollars for me a year, and I waul to pay him the interest for it." "I am glad," said the Rev. Dr. Young to the chief of the Little Otta wus, "that you do not drink whisky, but it grieves me to find that your peo fie use much of it." "Ah, yes," replied the chief and he fixed his eye im pressively on the doctor, which com muuicuted the reproof before he ut tered it "we Indians use a great deal of whisky, but we do not muke it." "How do you feel with such a shock ing looking coat on?" said u young clerk, of more tailors' bill than good sense, one morning. "I fee!," said old Roger, looking at him very steadily with one eye half closed, as if taking aim at his victim "1 feel, young man, us if I had a coat on which has been paid for. I hope you may enjoy the luxury some time." A white-haired old negro preacher in New Orleans thus addressed one of tho meetings of the disutisfied colored folks recently: "What vou grumbling about? Yer till better off dun ye eher -peeled to be. Did yer titik when Mussii Li nk n m guv ye yer freedom he was gwine to buy tickets in the Louisi ana Mttta Lottery for yer besides?" Some fathers are too hard hearted for anything. A man scolded his twelve-year-. Id sou fully five minutes the other day because the child used his (the futher's) best Suiuiuy raor, to open oysters with. We don't see how the razor could hurt the oysters any how. A parsimonious sea-captain, an swering the complaints of his men that the bread was bu-1, exclaimed: "What! complain of your bie:id that is made from Hour? hut do you think of the Apostles? They ute 'shew bread,' made from oil boots and j shoes." A ludy having accidentally broken her smelling bottle, her hu-huiid, who us very petulant, said to her, "I ile- clare, my dear, every thing that be lungs lo you is nire or less broken." "True," replied the lady; "for even you ure a little cracked." The following notice appears on a bridge ut I ) nver, Colorado: "No ve hicle drawn by mora than one unimal is allowed to cross this bridge in op posiic directions ut the sume time." The editor of a country paper re marks that hull' the people who at tend musical euterluiiuueiits i'i his town "don't know the difference be tween, a symphony and a sardiua." Said a gardener to a friend who had a verj rubicund countenance, "l'ray iu.o over my garden wall for a little while; hi v cucumber are very back ward." An Irish student was once asked what was meant by posthumous works. " They are such works." said I'uddy, "us a inun writes utter he is dead." Advice to mothers A switch iu time, saves nine. dare do our duty as we understand it"--LINCOLN. Shakspeare and the Bible. A writer in Oliver Optic's Magazine lias made a collection of curious par allel passages which show the famil iarity of the great dramatist with the Scriptures, and account for the com mon saying in reeunl to many a famil iar quotation : "It must be found either in the Bible or Shakspeare: " Othello. "Rude am I in my speech." Bible. "But though I be rude in speech.,, 2 Cor., xi., 6. Witches in Macbeth. "Show his eyes and grieve his heart." Bible. "Consume thine eyes, and grieve thine heart." 1 Sam. ii, 33. Macbeth. "Life's but a walking shadow." Bible. "Man walketh in a vain show." I's. xxxix., 6. Macbeth. " We will die with harness on our bucks." Bible. "Nieaner lav Head in his harness." 2 Mac.,xx.,28. Banquo. "Wo to the Innd that is Bible. "Wo to thee, oh hind, when thy king is a child." Eccles. x., 16. governed by a child." Tiir.on of Athens. "Who can call him his friend that dips in the same dish ?" Bible. "He that dippeth his hand with me in the dish, the same shall be tray IMP." Two .members of the West Virginia Legislature lately took a sleeping car at Grafton. The cars were crowded, nop the two had to sleep together. One was fat ; the other was leun. The tut nun snored, and the lean one hud to lay awake. At about midnight the iusnmiiL legislator could no longer stand the stentorions breathing of his mate, and he aroe and sat by the fire. An old ludy entered and wanted a place to sleep. 'Go to my berth,' said the sardonic lean one; 'I left my little boy there asleep. I shall sit up. I must think of legislative things.' So the old lady went to her berth, disposed of her garments, and laid down. Presently th 'boy' kicked. Then the lady pat ted him on the back, and said: 'Lie still.sotiuy ; pa suid I might sleep along with you.' 'Oh, no!' roared the bison a boy no more, hut a bison : Thun der! who ure y-u? I ain't a boy I'm a member of the West Virginia Legis lature.' The lady then went into a swoon ; tior could sho.lie uroued tintii the fuMuan had promised her that he would have the lean one impeached. The drill inspector iu nn English regiment one of the old stamp of martinets rgeants who was the ter mr of every recruit and the remorse less tyruht of the awkward squud, was putting a firing part) through the fune ral exercise. Having opened the ranks sous to admit the pussage of the sup posed carriage between them, the in structor ordered tho men to 'rest on their arms reversed.' Then, by way of practical explanation, he walked slow -ly down the lane formed by the two ranks, saving as he moved : 'Now, I'm the corpse! Pay attention I' Having reached the end ot the party, lie turn ed and regarded mem steadily w .Ii a scrutinizing sye for a moment or two, and then remarked, in a most solemn tone of voice: 'Your 'auds is right, and your 'euds is right; but you 'aven't got the look of regret that you ought to 'uve;' Sophia, a six year-old pet, after look ing thoughtfully ut the new moon u little while, turned lo her uncle and said: 'Uncle Will, I can see God's thumb nail. That in it.' sue udded, pointing to the narrow crescent; 'and I can almost see God's thumb.' At another time she found a ehelless egg tinoer the currant bushes, and, in u high stale of excitement, br .ught it in und showed it to her aunt. 'See auntie,' said she, 'what I found under the currunt bushes! And I know the old hen that luid it, I'm just going to put it back in the nest and make her finish it.' Tho High School of Springfield, Ohio, graduated the youig ladies of its lust class in calico dresses, us pleas ing to the eye of taste us to the hand of economy. This was hi ought about by the thoughtful suggestion ot the superintendent und the hearty uc quiescence of the girls themselves, oil the only ground on which high schools can long be perpetuated, namely, that being supported by luxation they must bo open lo all classes in society und coiitcr their advantages upon the poor est of their pupil, without precriptioti by fashion or creed, expenses or auy thing else. Some paper suys: "Texas has anew guiuo in cards; one ho.ds u revolver, the other holds the cards. A coroner holds the inquest." In cuse any one should wish to try the game, and finds the instructions not suiticiciilly full, we may add that the holder of the curds "turns Up," and thus the fircr of the revolver "cuts." In New York, wo presume, the coroner would, hold the stake, in the interest of the uextsuie se when he turus up. A concsitt.il young parson once suid : 'This morning 1 nieached to u o nigre tiou of uses!' '1 thought of that,' re torted a lady, 'when you called them tour Uloved brethron.' $2 PER ANNUM. American Women. This is what Dr. Holland says on the subject of the physical condition of American women: There are other 8'gns of improvement in the Anieiican, and these relate mainly to the female side of the nation. The American wo man has long been regarded by Euro pea'js as the most beautiful woman in the world. This she is and has been for twenty-five years, without a doubt; und as the circumstances of her life become easier, her labor less severe.,and her education better, she will bt more beautiful still. America never pos seseed a more beautiful generation of women than she possesses to day, and there is no doubt that the style of beau ty is changing to a nobler type. The characteristic Americau woman of the present generation is larger than the characteristic American woman of the previous generation. It conies of bet ter food, of better clothing, better sleep, more fresh air, and less of hard worn to mothers duriug those periods when their vitality is all demanded for their motherly functions. We venture to say that the remark ha been made by observers thousands of times during iug the past summer, at the various places of resorts, that they had never sjeu so many large women together be fore. Indisputably they never had. Mocking a Minister. Ct ubasson relatis a laughable anec dote of a Gibiultur ape, which he brought up tame, and which became so attached to him as to he desirous ol occompanying him wherever he wetit, so that when lie had to p-rform the di vine service he was under the necesity of shutting the ape up. One day, how ever, ilie animal escaped and followed his master, remaining perfectly qniel until the sermon began. It then crept forward, and overlooking the preacher, imitated his gestures so irrotesauelx 'that the whole congregation whs con vulsed with laughier. Caubasson, sur prised and displeused at this ill-timed levity, reprieved his auditors for in attention; and on the obvious failure of his reproof, he, in the warmth of zeal, redoubled his gesticulations, and vociferations. I hese the an so exactly imitated that ul) respect for their pas tor was swallowed up iu the scene be fore them, and the whole congrega: ion oursi into a ioua auu continued roar of Iu: ghter. A friend of the preacher nt length stepped up to him ; ami, on learning the cuuso of this hilarity, ii was with the utmost difficulty that he could command a serious countenance while he ordered the ape to bo taken away. A correspondent of the St. James .Magazine cites a a instance, which oc curred us late as tweiny-tiveyeurj ugo, of a couple married with the church key instead of u wedding ring. Th re appears to be some doubt us to the vulioity of this substitute, but in point of symbolism, at any rate, a church key issurelv, ill comparison with I marriage ring, the more suitable iu strumeut of wedlock. A boy asked a certain preacher if he wouui have a light. 'iNo, child, suid the Doctor, 'I am one of the lights ot the world.' 'I wish then,' replied the oy, you were hung at the end of out alley, for it is u very dark one.' 'You must not play iu the street with the boys now, my dear; you are seven years old,' said uo old lady to her grand child. 'But, grundma, was the innocent reply, 'the older I grow the better I like the boys.' A German porter and a French girl were married iu Hartford luBt week, af ter forty-eight hours acquaintance. Neither of them understood the language of the other, so it will be some little time before they cuu fight iu peuce. A clergyman once posted the follow ing notice on the gale of the church: "Found, two hats in my strawberry bed. The owners can have the same by proving property." We don't be lieve the owners will cull for them. Mrs. Malaprop, who was early left a widow, has an obliging neighbor to whom she applies iu all her little difli cullies, one of those handy men who cun do anything and everything; she calls him her Teetotum. Auntie 'Well, Lucy, I suppose you're pleused with the new buby?' Lucy 'No, I ain't. Auntie 'It will such a nice play fellow for you.' Lucy 'How cun it be a p!uy-lellow when it's a giil.' A young man in the street being charged with laziness, was asked if he took it from his father. '1 think not,' said the disrespectful sou, 'father's gut all the laziness he ever had. 'Our children will have an immense tax on their hands,' suid u gentleman. '(), horrible!' excluimcd an elderly lu dy. What a blessing wo have hails on ours. "This is capital ule," said un old to per, "see how long it keeps its hcud !" "Ay," said a by-stander; "but consid er bow soon il takes aw ay yours!" A uuiverssl wantWant of moa- , ST. Rates of Advertising. On f!qnre(l Inch,) ona Insertion. ...ft W One Square " ono month Of One Squire "- three months... 8 09 One Square " on? yer 10 00 Two Square, ona year ......14 00 juartrCol. " so w Half " " ) W Ona M " 100 00- Buslness Card, not exceeding ona lnofc In length, flO per year. Legal notices at established ratoa. These rates ara low, and no deviation Aill ha made, or discrimination among patrons. The rates offered are such, a will make it to the advantage of men doi business in the limits of the circulation of toe paper to advertise liberally. Deal Gently. What a world of happiness and for this would be, were we all lo obey this simple command 1 A few words of love and kindness are more sure to guide the erring in the path of right, than a lifetime of harsh denting, bis ters, deal irentlv with an erring broth er, f.r the kind words of a loving sis ter are sweeter far than mu.-io in si brother's ear. B rot Iter, listen and obey the commands of a loved sister. It you are traveling in the downward path, I admonish you, hear the gentle words ot a sister. Her words may tall unheeded now, but perhaps when the voice of that loved one is hushed, when. she can uo longer plead with you. tier gentle and loving admonitions will haunt you day and night, and the pleasure you sought for will net he found until you seek and travel in the path that she has pointed out to you. -I have often thought, were wives to deal mure gently with their husbands, husbauds to treat their wives in a like inanuer, there would be thnusauds of happy homes where now misery reigns. Should il be the lot of any young la dy to he wedded to an intemperate husband, deal geutly, for you will Ref er reclaim him from the paths of vice by dealing harshly. 'Indeed vou are very handsome,' said a gentleman to his lady love. 'Pooh I pooh ! said she, 'so you wouia say if you did not think so. 'And so you d think, it 1 did not say so, nean sw ered. "Susie," said a mother to her little daughter of five summers, "what would you do without your mother?" "I would put on jist such a dress as I' plenseed, every day," was the prompt reply. Come here, you mischievous little rascal you,' 'Won't you lick me, fath er?' 'No.' 'Will you swear you won't? 'Yes.' 'Then I wou'l come, father, for pa i son Atwood says that he who swears ' will lie The full and winter crop of female lecturers bids fair to be very heavy. All sorts of subjects will be introduced. 'How to keep down the family' is an nounced by a beautiful Indiana lady of 25. A cress old bachelor says, "The reason why women do not cut them- cause they luce around the heurt, and that is so hard they cannot effect it.' Penelope Ann, an old maid, hearing her cousiu, Jerusha Jane, complaining of chapiel hand, said she wished she had them, for she hadn't hud a chap on her bauds for twenty years. A man com ting a young woman was intcrogated as to his occupation. 'I am a paper-hanger on a large scale he replied. He married the girl and turned out to be a bill-sticker. An Eluiiru editor, speaking of the marriage of a brother quill, says : 'It's sad, however, thin parting with eld friends. One by one they drop off and d uhle up.' "Women, wake up!" exclaims the lie vol u tiou, and an indolent rural ed itor adds: "Yes, and turu out and make a tire and put the tea-kettle ou." A modern thinker says that 'many people will be astonished when they get lo heaven to find the angels laying no schemes to be made arch-angels. A French wit said of a man who was exceedingly fat, that uature only made him to show how the human skin would stretch without breaking. A sick man was told that his wife would probably marry again. 'Alt right,' said he, 'for there will be one man to lament my deaih.' A Veteran merchant says that al though his clerks are very talkative during the day, ihey are always ready to shut up ut uight. "Pa, isn't that man in what they call the spring lime of life?" "Why, my son?" "Because he looks so very green." A gardener's wife made a pin-cusion out of a Spanish onion, but she found it brought the tears into her needles' eyes. You talk of your troubles, but yours is nut such a hard case as mine, as Uie oyster suid to the fiobermau. Among the laft things out in pa thetic song are "My Darling's Shoes." I'jcy are out at the toes. '1 urn receiving my back rations,' as the soldier suid when he was flogged for stealing beef. No dust affects the eyes like gold dust, and uo glasses like braudy glasses. A Western gentleman advertises for a 'self supporting wife.' Is it for a garret wiuJow to suffer room atlio pant s 7 'Do you keep accouuts, Dick?' 'Yes, I rcckou.' The cup after the cup that cheers The hie cup. A black bird A raven hue officer. An auacbol couple Oystor sbella.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers