iDcvotch to politics, literature, Agriculture, Stunt, iiloralitu, an aural 3ntcIIigcuce. VOL 20. STROUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA. JUNE 13, IS61. NO. n Published by Theodore School!. TERMS. Two dollars per annumiti advance Two Uoll.'irs and a quarter, half yearly and if not paid be h'ff the end of the year. Two dollars anil a half. No nancrsdUcontinued until allarreaiagcsaicpaid, Ijxccpl at the option of the Editor. ID Advertisements of oncsnuaro (ten lines) or less, one or three insertions, $ I 00. Each additional mscr t on, 'J j cents. Longer ones in pioporlicn. jfOE PItJIVTtlVG. la ring a general assortment of large, plain and or h unental Type, we arc prepared to execute ev ery dc Script ion of :ird, Circulars, Hill Heads. Notes. Clank Itcocipts Juslic.es, Legal and other Ulanks, Pamphlets. &o., pi In, led with neatness- and despatch, on rcasonahlctcrms at this office. A GOOD OLD KENTUCKY SPEECH. THE UNION CANNOT BE DESTROYED. By Senator Rousseau, in the hcnlucky Senate, on the 21st May, 1601 The question before the Senate was on discharging the Cotntnittc on Military Af fairs from tho further consideration of a petition of sundry citizens of I aducah, a, aod ve,tcd right?j jot that faotiou8 aQd dred millions of dollar.,; robbed-the troa- feriog; we may endure many calamni praying for an appropriation for the pur- wickcd n inority be put down peaoeably ! fiury; and detracted tboy commenced tho 'ties. War, pestilence and famine may poC Of CStabh.-hlU a fort at that place. t fc forcibv :f we muhL . Tf atrocious business of Session. Thov'bnfnll ns? nnr nwn ronrl nlH KpntnnV. Senator Johnson made a Very able FpOCOb against tno uicuarge oi sata vjomumieo.j Senator llousseau said : I shall vote for the di-ehargc of the Committee. The petition comes from the respectable con stituents of the Senator from McCracken Dr. Johnson. They a?-k for an appro priation to fortify Paducah. Their re-quc.-t bas been duly and respectfully con ndercd by the Committee on Military Af fairs, and said Committee decircs to be discharged from tbc further consideration of the mbject. The Senator from Mc Cracken sajs he has little hope ol obtain ing the appropriation, or that his people will bo heard by the Leiji-dature ; that tbey are defensele, and provision should be made for their defense. I asked that benator agnin-t whom tbey would delend thcmselvciiT lie was then ou tbc floor of the Senate, but declined to answer. There could have beeo but one reply to the question, and that he would not give. I will give him the answer. The assum ed preparation for defenso was, in fact, a preparation to flht our own Government. Of this I have no doubt, aad hence uo re ply to my question. Can it be that de fensive measures arc desired to oppose Jeff Davis! Manifestly not. lie would . It . O . . .t r, v., ,, , ' T tbat act with bim. Hut who threatens 1'auucaui i uo oiicrs 10 assun uui: AVho will assail herl Will our own Go yernment assail her? Surely not. Then ?tj i.i iT i . rr . - :i i ? wny loriuy rauucan niorL- iuuu wwug- ton, Newport, Louisville, Mnysvill. and t r.?r rJ. i. .t n ; ether exposed points on the Ohio TtHcrl There is no reason for it. But the Senator tells us that Louisville, too, might be forttGed. I am much o blued to him. Louisville is in no dan cer. She is already fortified by tbc Mrong arms of ber brave and patno ic citucns. 'Ihey are loyal and true to the Union. She has no fears of our own Go- vernment. She knows that the United States Government is hers, and she loves it fonts blessings, and relies upon it for her protection. If assailed by the secc- ded States, and hard pushed, the knows vhere to find defenders, and she will bave them. Her people will not tolerate the enormous expense neccs5ary to her fortification, nor will she, m auy event, fortify against her own Government. As her representative here, I'll lend myself to no such atrocious purpose. I will not fhbt, nor prepare to fight, against my own Government, nor countenance the schemes of thote who do. Never! No, Sir, let those who would fight the United States, and like tbe. work, go at it. I will uot aid them in their treasonable projects, fcut will resi.-t them to tbo last. i But I wih to sum up, Mr. Speaker Permit me to j-ll you, Sir, what I think of this whole atrocious scheme of Seces- C3 if " gion. I speak for myself ouly and am a- lone responsible for what I say; and I thank God that I may still speak what I think ou Kentucky soil. Yes, Sir, good, bravo old Kentucky, ray mother, "my own native land," is &till free. There is no reign of terror here. Wc still have free spiecb, a free press, and, as yet, wo are free men. Kcutucky is true and loy al' to the Government. Sbe still rests her head in peace and t-ecority upon tho fond brcat-t of her mother tbo Union; and there may pho rest forever. Sbe has called upon her gallant sons to rally a !!"!; "A?:" r " r i," ! luuuuucr uu uu tu .u-. - irniill tanf Hey nnaiT (rnm hor PorllPSr. ' would tear her away from her earliest and holiest associations, and bear ber to certain destruction. But Kentucky is in a false position. T r-i r u c-. Vt tt, l, n assumed a neutral attitude, I felt it to be my duty to stand by her, and I have faith - ernment. It is the government oi our fully done so. I am willing still to stand ! fathers; bought with their blood, and bo t t t.- i.r :r An I aueathed to us. It is tbe best Govern- wj ice poamuu ui ivcuiuoisy, u vuu . : so in peace and security. But the posi tion is an awkward one, and may bc more awkward yet before oar difficulties are ended. Thc Uoion is threatened; tbe Government is threatened by thoso who have not one well grounded complaint to make against it by those who have con troled its destinies for years. I denounce the effort, and those who make it. I say it is wrong infamous; and if suocessful it Bust entail ruin upon us aud ours. We see tho work of mischief goin on, and quietly sit by with folded arms while it is done. Kentucky bas as much interest in the Union as any other State. Sbo loves it as devotedly and shares its benefits and blessings in common with her sister States. She owes it her allegiance sad her aid. Her people work for tbcUriioD; they talk for it; tbey pray for its preservation; yet they Maud idly by, and let others, who have no more interest in it than them- selves, defend it, and save it if they can. xi ib in a ueam struggle ior i yet we bare not a band to raise I.I I I . 1 . I r . fense. lou say that it is the eriiiueut mat uvt-r .i-nsicu on eariu id bas ever protected and never oppressed you. But wo are told that this is a fra- 1 . tricioui war a wituca war I well, wbo , , ."7.7 tTT ., . began it I V bo caused it I Wboattomp- ten to ureas up iuis government! wno set the will of the people at dcGancc, and overturn mc - oust government on cartni restea in peace ana security. xet an w a telling you, to prevent you from en Lot recently passed events, and thoso this would not do. Mr. Lincoln was e- slaving us by a destruction of that Goy- wbieu are duly being enactod answer, I sav tho laws should be enforced if we havo any. If we have a covernmcnt let it bo maintained and obeyed. And if a wicked, factious mioority, without cause undettakes to override the will of the mmnrltv nnii rnll im nf nnr nnnst itntirtn. r J..,-. thcv W:U nufc vou JQwn fla oer. tain as fate. Make your election. Don't stand passively by and see your own laws cat of the defunct politicians, and they violated; your own Government destroyed 'did it. and your liberties swallowed up in tyr- i This is the grand secret of the whole anny, for fear of a "fratricidal war." If ! affair. Had they retained their grip up your fellow citizen turns out to rob and i on tho offices, you had never heard of Se niurder you and yours, stoj) him.- If jou cession. All our losses, all our troubles havo to bane him why stoo him in that way. But when he commit1 a murder and you would execute the law on him, be says, "0, none of that no coercion; I am your brothor; yoo. must not hurt me;" and for frarof hurting your -''brother," as he calls himself, you would permit him to on nn in his work nf orimn. TiPf. tho will of the toverei n rcoplc be respectod and ob d Lct the" lawa of thc Jand bo eQ. beyed, forced on all alike. If they are obeyed peaceably, so much the better; but, let them be obeyed. Then you will have peace and security at home, and power and res pcctability abroad. Unless you do this, you will have neither. But the position of Kentucky will soon be more awkward than it is now. Se cessionist will not allow you to maintain your armed neutrality one moment lon ger than they can help it. You will see it. Ihev will destroy it when they ran. J J ' ' and in anv way tbey can. ruev bae COIlslanti; dnonncr-d it. nnd have onlv J J submittcd to it till they could do better, j They will toon get up another program- ' mn nf disnninn nnd ninkp nr trv tn makfi ' ' ja t - form of b, d he old game in a ' new lorm ot Dioousbeu ana sensations will be re-enacted for your destruction, j by your help. You ran a candidate for You k'uow not what may come; you may the Presidency that tho Democratic par be overpowered by these men at home, or . ty might be divided, and Lincoln elected, from abroad, and that is threatened uow. J That was your purpose, and you accom-' What would you do then? Yield up your plished it; and now you have elected Lin- 15hfrtiR infn fho hrind nf tho.a hrnlron ' nnln thus rnn must, hrflalf nn fho fJov- down disappoirited aDrj disgraced politi- ciaDS? Win ym subnjit tQ the sway of auarclfy aud tbe re5gu of terror now exig. , ting in aH th(J hCCe(Je(3 States! If not, wfaat JOU do ? Whjf you win Cflll on your Government to do its duty and tak(J carc q ynQ Tfaat .g what yQU wiH do and yQU wiU not cau i vajn. And will it not bo a lit- tJe enibarrassiDg to ca)i on a Government tQ aid yQU Ju your ex(remetJ) whicb you WQuld nQt hep whoQ jfc was aS3aied by treasonable focal I think it would. 3at yQU woold gct the bejp. nQ doubt of thut The Constitution, of tbe United gtate9 pjedgcs cvcry State, and all the peopi0 0f tho United States to put down -osurrections and rebellion, and eecuro to flH wUhlu Us Hlnjts ft repubn03D form 0f government Andf unieBS tbe State shall disregarda3 EOmo vouid bftve Us do our3 constitutional pledges and obli- gations, it will receive tbo protection of tQe Qeueral Government. I hopo we . nnvpr .d :t jt wouid bo the last resortj but wben tbe Union men of Ken- tucky 8rc drjVcn to that necessity, tbe ap- peaj w;n bc m3de. Mark thai. , The truth is, our duty at first was to Ktnnri ,v nnr fJ nvnrnn!Pnt. and nrotect J 1 i and defend it. If fit to live under, it was eutitled to our respect and confidence and alleciance. If unfit it t hould have been abandoned at once, and another formed more perfect. But while we owe our al legiance to it, let us acknowledge it like true men, aud not turn our backs upon its greatest peril, We should not do this if wc de,ire it, preservation. We s We should , . - jko , jfc do;vn at . . . . . ouflc. uut'we suouia not scaua uy auu hoc others pull it down over our heads a- r.Im.t rty trill fn 1 1, n A nai ni t wiri nf nnr ,. t ,t ...... j i ul,"wi J "We oppose you. We love tho Gov- i ment on eartb. ment on earth, and in its destruction we see ruin to us and ours; but as you and we live in slave States, go on and do as you please. We will not resist you. llu iu us if you will." And so never lift a hand to save us and our children tho blessings of liberty In my heart I do not approve of this course, and what I do not approve, no power on earth shall mako me 6ay. I am for tho old Constitution of Washington and his compeers. For the old flag, tbe Stars and Stripes. God bless them; and I am against all factions that would tato them from me. It matters not who they are or whence they come. Whether tboy como from England, France, Massachusetts or South Carolina. If tboy would destroy the Government of our fathers, 1 am a- ' gainst tbern. No matter what may be their pretext. No, Sir, I am for tbo U - nion, and I am willing to defend it by i any and all proper means. Our Govern - ment is the best in tbo world. It has existence, answered wen an toe enas lor wbiob gov-, tatea beoauso we claim equal rights and , wo shall all be together again. The pol in its de- ernoients are made. We all know this. 'equality with you? We are for peace: iticians are bavins thrir dnv. Tho wo. , II 11 . i i m . .1 1 r .1 a. ueuea us a iearner s weigunt Das orougut us nothing but blessings. Under it we have been happy, prosperous, and free. till . . . . Wliat moro can wo ask. All tbat Uov eroment can do, our Government has aone lor us, we nave been ireo, as no Da - lion ever prospered before, and we have best gov- It has oppressed no man, nor has it bur- j we desire no war. and deprecate collision, 'vie will vet have theirs. T hnm An ahid- lec4,ed, and corrupt politicians lost theirtCrnment! places. Thov had controlled the Gov- eminent was corrunt and oppressive, and that they would destroy it. They rob- bed it of its arms and munitions of war, sending them South: tbey involved tho l-rnunrnmonf in q nnht rf nanilo hnn. had lot tho offioss nnfl fhr thnnahr. ir necessary to create new ones for tho ben - and suffering, are the legitimate results of S.inilnn Wn rncf riani nil mn mncf ' w W'1! v IJ t II s l UdV U V l A (Ally TV U Ul UO V submit to all this in silence, that those disappointed politicians may be presi dents, ministers, and high officials. Their day was ended by the election of Lincoln. They knew this, and seceded made new offices and filled them. Now behold the result of Secession. Distress and ruin staro men in the face; strong men, honest and industrious men, cannot get bread for their wives and chil dren; the widow and the orphan, helpless and destitute are starving; in all the large oitics thc suffering is intense; workisnot to be obtained, and those who live by their labor get no money; property of every de scription has depreciated until it is al most worthless; in the seceded States, Union men are driven pot nHess from their homes, or banged; and all this, Mr. Sen- : ator from McCracken, that peaceable Se : cession may noon, and that politicians may nn oinoes. Ana alter you gentie- men bring all these calamities upon us you falsely say that "Lincoln did it," and thrir. wo TTnton men are Abolitionists, and . . ' aid him. But I tell you that Lincoln has not aone it. lie was eiectea rresiaent ernment because he is elected. Nothing caQ satisfy you but Secession. You will acccpt D0 compromise. To talk of com- promise irritates Secession gentlemen it iiritates thcm to taik 0f tbe rjgbts of any body but themselves they are indeed a very irritabie set of peope. If y0u speak ftf enforceing tbe iaW8 0f tbe iandf Dy it's coercion, and at this word they Jortb- with go into spasms. They can't stand jt at an. it js subjugation of the South 5y the North. If they threaten to hang you when they get thc power because you are true to the 0id flag 0f WTasbing- ton and you get arms to defend your- self, why, it irritates them, and they won't stand it. The Union men of Kentucky, seeing tbe condition of Union men in the sece- ded States, and seeing that they had to bo hanged or bo silent, and still wishing to be free as of yore, have lately purchas- ed arms with which to defend themselvos. , This act is pronounced as a crime. And ' how it irritates them. Garrett Davis re j coivedl,200 utand of arms the other day, i and a young gentleman of tho Secession persuasion became so irritated that he could not stand it at all; that tho "States Bights" men would not submit to it no, uovor I Well, said I, I would not put up with it if I were in your place. I tell 'you what would do, I would go and take G arret t s guns away from him. Bat be didn't South Carolina was irritated at thc presence of Major Anderson and fifty-five men at Fort Sumter; so irritated that she could not bear it. She tried to starve him to death; sho tried to knook bis head off, and burn him up. Sbe bombarded the people's foat; shot into the flag of our Government, and drove our soldiers from the place. It was not Mr. Lincoln's fort; not his flag nor his soldiers, but ours. Yet after all those outrages and atroci ties, South Carolina comes with embra ces for us, saying: "Well wo tried; wo intended to kill that brother Kentuokian of yours; tried to storm bim, knock, his brains out, and burn him up. Don't you love us for itl Won't you fight with us, and for us, and help us overthrow your Government!" Was ever a request eo "outrageously un natural; so degrading to our patriotism. And yet. Mr. Snoaker, there were those among us who rejoiced of the result, and termed tho assault upon their own fort! and the oopture of their own flag and, their own soldiers a heroic victory! n , O 1 T 1. J f nil thU a'n.hb0 about irritatidn over tbe ex - orcise by otuers or ineir uuuoumcu "u"m"- 7' " r on hive to and I say once for all to you secession defend our Qol; Q gentlemen, that we Union man know our n t. Manyofus arc sworn j rights, and intend to maintain tbcmj and support it. if yoo get irritated about it, why get ir- jritated. Snuff and snort yourseUos into a rage; go into spasms if you will; die if 'you want to, and cau't stand it who ; cares! What right have you to cet irri - . 1 - ... tall . 9 . , - f we ask is poaoe. We don't intend 'you any harm. We don't want to hurt 'you, and don't intend you shall injure us it wo can help it. Wo beg of you to let u wo can belp it. Wo beg of you to let I- . . m live in peace under the good old Gov- j eminent or our lathers. We only ask .that. Why keep us ever on tho alert' Senator Johnson It is already do- stroved. Mr. Eousseau Not a bit of it. The Union will never bo dissolved. I know 'you say it is, bu$, believe me, it will never ka nieanl ntA W'n mn Vnn in.l r.,C 'mnv ho n0orrnn nnrl trnnn nnrlor fnnf 1 and her soil may be drenched in blood. but tho Union will never, never - be dis solved. I have never had a doubt on this subjeot, never. I know we must suf fer, but we must preserve the Union. You, Mr. Senator from McCracken, aro a sanguine man You think tho U nion is destroyed. Well, you sometimes err. I believe you had a correspondence with "Uncle Abe," in which you commit ted a glaring error. But that was only a semi-official correspondence, and per haps should not be alluded to here. Senator Johnson (good humoredly) Ohl yes; toll. Mr. Rousseau I thank you. Well, as one of the Senators of Kentucky, you made your most solemn protest against tho stationing of troops at Cairo, 111. The protest was very elegant, as is gen erally what comes from you a little higbfalutin it is true. You forwarded your protest to "Undo Abo," and, in due time, received a reply, which was to good a joke for a good-natured gentleman like yourself to keep all to yourself, and so you disclosed it. Uucle Abe replied to you tbat your letter had been received, duly considered, and in reply, he bad to say to you (one of tbe Senators of Ken tucky), that if he had known that Cairo, 111., was in your Senatorial District, he would not have sent my soldiers within a hundred miles of that point. Mr. Speaker, I have but a word more to say. K.entuoky is an armed neutral, it is said. I submit, with others, to that position. I hopo tbat circumstances may not drive us from it. I hope that our Secession friends will be, in fact, neutral. If we remain so, it is said we Bhall have peace. I hopo so; but the neutrality tbat fights all on one side I do not understand. Troops leave Kentucky in broad day light, and our Governor sees them going to fight against our own Government, yet nothing is said or done to prevent them. Is this to be our neutrality? If it is, I am utterly opposed to it. If wc assume a neutral position, let us be neutral in fact. It is as little as we can do. Our Government, constitutionally ad ministered, is entitled to our support, no mutter who administers it. If we will not support it, and yet enjoy its blessings, in Heaven's n?mo let us not war against it, nor allow our people to do so. Let us be true to our position, whatever it may be. We aro nullifying at any rato. Our Government bas not objected to it. But who can look an honest man in the face, while professing neutrality, refusing to help his Government to preserve its existence, yet secretly and traitorously warring against ill For one, Sir, I'll none of it. Away with it. Let us be men, honest men, or pretend to bo noth ing but vagabonds. I hear it said tbat Kentuoky will go out of the Union; that if sho goos any where she will go South, &c, &. Mr. Speaker, lot mc tell you, Sir, Ken tuoky will uot "go out." She will not stampede. That has been tried. Seces sionists must invent something new in the way of Secession appliances before tboy can cither frighten or "drag" Kentuoky out of tho Union. I tell you sensation gentlemen that your exciting ovents have ceased to affect us. Try Something else. Get up a fight at Cairo, that you may get us to side with you. That is your gamo, and you will play it whenever you think you can succeed -atit. You tried to scare us, but you failed in your purpose. And if you illegally and against right assault Cairo, I hopo every man of you will get his bead knoeked or bo taken prisonor, end that the Cairo folks will never per mit you to come to Kentucky again. 'Pkof'o ,nf T n-iah and urhfif. T boifiVC would happen in such an event XUUbO nuuu .,.wu, " ttnf wn won't "fo out" havo not tbe least notion of it in. tho world. JCou(at 10 ramus past z yesteraay, anu aiau must take us out according Jo law and bed hisBclf with a ituffed aledstako, dy right or take us dead. Believe this, ing in five beautiful tabloos to slow moo and act accordingly. It would be better siol His last words was: 'My pcrfesh for all of us. We shall bo but tbo happy ernal career is over! I jerk no morel to keep peace, but wo oannot loavo the! "Aud who be jou?" , . . , 'Union of our fathers. When Kentuoky. g0es down, it will bein blood. Let that be understood. She will not go as other States have gone. Let the res&onsibili.' s it belongs. It is! tv rest on you, where Jail your work, and whatever happens will Let our good Union bretbern- of tho South stand their ground I know that many patriotic hearts in the seceded States still beat warmly for the old Union ' the old flac. The tinrnwill coma when r ing confidence in tho right, and I know that this Secession movement is all wron. There is in fact, not a single substantial reason for it. !. ... .. substantial reason for it. If there- is I 'should be glad to hear it: our Govern- ment has Dever oppressed us with a feather's weight. The direct oppression alone could justify what bas brought all our present suffering upon us. May God, in his mercy, save our glori ous Bepublio. Artemus Ward in the South. I had a narrer escape from thc sonny South. "Tbe swings and nrrcrs of out rajus fortin," alluded to by Hamlick, warn't notbin in comparison to my trou bles. I came pesky near swearing sum profane oaths more'u onct, but I hopo I didn't do it, for I've promist sho whoso name shall bo nameless (except that her initials is Betsy J,) tbat I'll jine the Meeting Houso at Baldinsvillc, jest as soon as I can sorapc monoy cnuff togeth er so I can 'ford to be piuss in good stile, like my wealthy nabera. But if I'm con fiscated agin I'm afraid I shall contin ner on in my present benitcd state for sum time. I figgered conspioyusly in many thril lin scenes in my tower from Montgomery to my humstead, and on several occa sions I thought "the grato komio paper" wouldn't never be enriched no more with my lubrication. After bidden adoo to Jefferson D. I started for tbe depot. I saw a nigger sittin on a fence a-playin on a banjo. "My Afrikin Brother," sed I, ootin from a Track I onct read, "you belong to a very intercstin race. Your masters is going to war excloosively on your account. ,; "Yes, boss," ho replied, "an 'I wish' em honorable graves!" and he went on playio the banjo, larfio all over and open in bis mouth wide enouff to drive in an old-fashioned 2-wbeeled cbaiso.- The train of oars in which I was to trust my walerablo life was the scaliest, rickyticat lookin' lot of consarns that I ever saw on wheels afore. "What time does this string of second-hand coffins leave!" I inquired of the depot master. He said direckly, and I went in and sot down. I hadn't moro'n fairly squatted afore a dark lookin' man, with a swinis ter expression onto his countenance, en tered tho cars and lookin' very sharp at mc, he axed what was my principles? "Secesbl" Lanswered. "I'm a Disso luter. I'm in favor of Jeff. Davis, Boure gard, Pickens, Captain Kidd, Bloobeard, Munro Edards, the Devil, Mrs. Cunning ham, and all the rest of 'em." "You're in favor of the war?" "Certainly. By all means. I'm in favor of this war and also of the next war. I've beon in favor of the next war for over sixteen yearsl" War to the knife?" said tho man. "Blud, Eargo, bludl" sed I, (tho them words isn't origgernal with me.) Them words was writ by Shakspeare, who is ded. His mBnlle fell onto the author of "The Seven Sisters," who's going to have a Spring overcoat made out of it. We got under way at larst, an' pro ceeded on our jerney at about thc rate of speed which is ginrally obsarved by prop erly conducted funeral procession. A bansum young gal, with a red musketer bar on the back part of her bed, and a sassy little black hat tipt over herforred, sot in a sott with mo. She woro a little ScBecb flag pin'd into her hat, and she was a goin for to see her troo love, who had jinod the Southern army, all so bold and gay. So sho told mo. Sho was chilly and I offered her my blanket. "Father living?" I axed. "Yes sir." "Got any Uncle?" "A heap. Uncle Thomas is ded tho." "Peace to Uncle Thomas' ashes, and success to himl I will bo your Uncle Thomas! Lean on me, my pretty Se oesbor, and linger in blissful repose." She slept as sccoorly as in her own hous en, and didn't disturb the solium still ness of the night with 'ary snore. At thc firat station a troop of Sojers entered tho cars and inquirod if "Old Wax Works" was on board. This was the disrespective stile in which they re ferred to mc. "Beoawz if Old Wax Works is on bored," sez a man with a face like a doublo-breasted lobster "wo'ro going to bang Old Wax Worksl" "My illustrious and patriotio Bum mcml" sez I, getting up and taking orf my Sbappoo, "if yu allude to A. Ward, it's my plcaoin dopty to inform you tbat be s ded. He saw tho crrer of his ways "I'm a stoodent in benator benjamin a law offiss. I m going up JNortb to steal sum spoons and things for the boutbern army." This was latisfactory, and tbe mtoiTsi- oatcd troopers went orf. cesber awoke and sed sho must get out J"eJ" biu ber a kind adoo and give tber lb b V ' and" this hunk of gingerbredl" I Bed She thankt mo muohty find tript galy a way. There's considerable human naler? in a man, and I'm fraid I shall alters giv aid and comfort to the enemy, if he cuius to me in tbo Shape of a nice young gal. At tbc next station I didn't get orf so easy. I was dragged out of tho cars and rolled in the mud for several minits for tbo purpuss Of Wakin tho conscct out of me," as a Sccosher kindly stated. I was let ud finally, when a nowcrful large Sccesbef came up and embraced w r me, and to show that ho had no hard feelins agin mc, put his nose into mj mouth. I returned the complimunt by placing my stummick suddenly agin his right foot, when he kindly made aspitoon of bis able-bodied face. Actooatcd by a desire to see whether the Scceshcr had bin vaxinatcd, I then fastened my teeth onto his left coat-sleeve and tore it to the shoulder. Wo then vilently butted our heads together for a few minits, danced around a little, and sot down in a mud puddle. We riz to our feet agin & by a sudden & adroit movement I placed my left eye agin the Secesher's first. We tben rushed into each other's arms and fell under a two boss wagon. I was very much exhausted and didn't caro about getting up agin, hut. the man said bo reckoned I'd better, and I con clooded I would. He pulled me up, but I badn't bin on my feet moro'n two se conds afore the ground flew up and hit me in the hed. The crowd scd it was high old sport, but I couldn't askly sea where tbe lafture come in. I riz and wo ombraced again. Wo careered madly to a steep bank, when I got the upper hands of my antaggcrnist and threw bim into the raycen. He fell about forty feet, striking a grindstono pretty hard. I un derstood he was injured. I haven't heard from the grindstone. A man in a cockt hat cum up and scd he felt as tho a apology was doo me. There was a mistake. The crowd bad taken me for another man. I told him not to mention it, axed him if his wifo and little ones was so's to be about, and got on board the train, which bad stopped at that station "20 minits for refresh' ments." I got all I wanted. It was the heartiest meal I everet. I was rid on a ralo the next day, a bunch of blazin fire crackers bein tied to my coat tales. It was a fina spcctycal in a dramatic pint of view, but I didn't enjoy it. I had other adventers of a startlin kind, but why continner? Why lasscrate thc Public Broozum with these here things? Suflysit to say I got across Mason and Dixie's line safe at last. I made tracks for my bumsted, but she whom I'm haruist to for life failed to recognize, in tho emashiated bcin who stood before her, tbe gusbin youth of forty-six summers who had left her only a few months afore. But I wont into the pantry, and brought out a certain black bottle. Raisin it to my lips, I sed "Here's to you, old gal!" I did it so natural that she knowed me at once. "Those form! Them voicel That natral style of doin things? 'Tis be," she cried, and rushed into my arms. It was too much for her, and she fell into a swoon. I come very near swooning myself. No more to-day from yours for the Preperation of thc Union, and tho bring ing of tbe Goddess of Liberty out of her present bad fix. Varaty Fair. Artemus Ward. The End of the Rope. Tho State Convention of North Caroli na has passed an "ordinance of seces sion," and bas followed the example of other southern State Conventions by re fusing to submit the ordinance to arvote of tbe people. Having thus set them selves abovo tbe people, this body went on to ratify and adopt the "Montgomery Constitution,'' and place North Carolina in tho hands of Davis. North Carolina is the eleventh in chro- nnlm,iil nrilor nf f Kn fn nol llnnc Rtitao n Tho following table shows tho dates of the passage of ordinances of Secession: 1. South Carolina December 20. 2. Mississippi January 9. 3. Alabama January 11. 4. Florida January 11. 5. Georgia January 19. 6. Louisiana January 26. 7. Texas February 1. 8. Virginia April 17. 9. Arkansas May G. 10. Tennepsoo May C. 11. North Carolina May 21. Tho four remaining Slave States, yizj Miisouri, Kentucky, Maryland and Dela ware, are still in the Union, and are like ly to continue loyal. We presume that by the close of ths present year, if not sooner, Virginia, Ten ncsseo, Arkansas and Louisiana, will be brought back to their allegiance; and then the Rebel s in tbe Golf States') will be dealt with in tbo most summary manner, if tbey shall continue to maintain an at itude of hostility. One of tho first nests in the Cotton region that will bc torn up, is the city of Charleston. The Govern ment may show leniency to other cities, but for Charleston there will be no truce, until thn trnitnra wliinti it harhnr.4 Rlmtlv bo visited with thc most condign nuaish- . 0 s . ment. JESS A rather tbiok-headed witnos, in a Police Court, was asked the question whether So-and-so "ttood on- the jdvfen- ( sive?' "No, sir," he very inu6ceutlyro piled, "he stood on a bench."
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers