7 riiiliidclphla Advertisements. C. P. KNICIHT & HBtON. TVholcjnlo Dunc)A is I S II , 114 South Delaware Avcuno, Below Chestnut St., PHILADELPHIA, PA. 1 Agents for Collins, IMlilcs & Co's Cniined Fruits. lOMtf , . . . A. B. Cunningham. J. II. Lewars. J. 8. Glelm. Cunningham, Gleiin & Co., , WHOLESALE DKiLEllS IM Tobacco, Scgars, "&c, NO. 4. NOKTll FIFTH STKIUiT, ruiL voiLi'iiav. ' ' ! " .' .88310 . Peterson's Magazin c. CHEAPEST AND BEST OF ALU Splendid Offers for 1872. rrVUS popular monthly Magazine elves more for JL the money than any In the win Id. It Is Iho Pest colored fa'-liion". Hie lt original stories, uml the best cngruvingsnf any lady's book. Oroat and costly improvements will be made in lhTiwhi n it will contain ONK THOVSANO PACKS! FOUKTKKN PLICNIliRTKFX PLATES' TWF.LVK ((Pl-OUKH llF.rtl.IX PATTF.ItNS! TWF.I.VF. MAMMOTH CIH.OKKD ! AMIION.N? ONK THOUSAND WOOD CUTS! TWF.NTY-FOUH PAliF.S OK MUSH,'! All tills will be given tor only twodollars a year, or a dollar lens than Magazines of tlio claw of "Petersons." Its TLllilLLlNG TALES AND NOYl.LLTTLS Are the best published anywhere. All the most popular writers are employed to write originally tor " Peterson." In Wei, the addition to its usual (piantllyof short slories, Five Oilginal Copyright Novelettes will le given, viz: llought llh a J'riee, by Ami S. Stephens; The Island of Dia monds, by Harrv Dantorth s Onee too often, by Frank Lee Hencillett J.ludsny's I.uek. by Miss F. IliHlgson; and A Wife, by the author of " The See ond Life. MAMMOTH COI.OHKD FASHION PLATES Ahead of all others. These plates are engraved on steel, twice the usual size, and contain six llg ures. They will lie sniierhly colored. Also sever al pages of Household and other recipes; ill short, everything Interesting to ladies. TERMS ALWAYS IN ADVANCE. Oneeopv, for one year, VI. 00 : Five 'opies, for one year, ja.UO; Eight copies, one year, fcliou. HITPEUn PKKMIUM ENOltAVINO I y Every person getting up a elnb of live at $1.60 each, or eight al Jl.'iO each, will lie entitled to an extra copy of tho magazine for 1x72. and also to a copv of the suiKjrb pal lor mezzotint (size 'JA Inch es by IS) " Five Times to One Day," whkli, at a store, would cost four dollars. VSneclinens sent, gratis, to those wishing to get up Clubs. Address. CHARLES J. PETERSON, No. auii Chestnut St., Philadelphia. Photographs ! Photographs ! JACOB COllLE, Photographic Artist, , , SFWPORT, I'ESW'A. TH E suhserllier would respectfully call the at tention of the citizens of this county to the fact that be Is prepared to take I'HOTuilRAl'HH In the best style of the art. Ills long experience iiunie una ivpiouuce . Iti PICTURES , WHICH CAXNQT , SB XX- All persons are requested to call at Ills rooms and examine specimens. Particular attention given to copying likenesses of deceased persons, and great care will be takep to furnish Good Pictures of Children. ' framing material and a good assortment of frames always on hand, and for sale at low prices, JACOB VOBLK, Artllt, , Newport, 1'erry Co., Pa Those Old Clothes Need be worn no longer, as the subscribers are now prepared with a full stock of Fall C'asslmers from which they make clothing to order. If a gar ment made by us does not lit It, ' Can be Exchanged for One which will give entire suti fiction. t . , Full New Suits .M f Made at short notice, and tn a superior snanner. As we have the regular monthly Fashion Reports, those wlio desire can have their garments Cut in the Latest Style! We ask all wanting Clothing to call and exam. Ine our assortment of goods suited for Mens' and aud lioys' wear, and see specimens of our work. P. MORTIMER ft CO., ' ' Ntw HhnuiBeld, la. NOTICE TO INVALII PKNHIONKHS. Thousands of Soldiers who are now drawing Invalid Pensions are entitled to Increase. i All Pen sioners who iHtlieve thuir Pensions too small, can now have them Increased bv making application la . LEWIS POT'l Kit, ' Claim Agent, 37 6t New Hloouifleld, Ta. A GREAT MEDICAL DISCOVERY Dr. WALKER'S CALIFORNIA. VINE G-AR BITTEES Hundreds of Thousands Dear testimony to thotr Wonder 3 3 few mi uurtuive .aucis. i WHAT ARE THEY? !5 s Of 8 THET ARE NOT A VILE "IIfancy drink. Mu le of Poop I? urn, Wfitnttcy, X'rnwf Spli iia ui:.l Kvlr.Bt) Uctiura doctored, Bplccd u: Urv, t t::;J t. lcim llio tr.-to, cr.ll(.a"Tr.icr.,""A;;-.:; cr:," i:Lc:or.rF," xc. U:r.t Jcml Iho tippli r in to tru:iIn.T-ucrii ar.d rutj, bnt tre a truo ?Icl.cinr, r.-.ij frc;:i tuo liut.va l.oolsar.cl I'.vv'ju tf Calll'orLlr:, l'i cu li o-ii l it Alt t.lil.u tliiiit.It:m:i. "il.cyt.io t:.j ;;;;at himvai rt j;ii-ir.it mid a i-IVl.U i'lilNt'iri.r.a.-vr.vCt l:r..-.ovr.ti r l IuvlKi'-lcr cf i,'tu iiy. Uj.:, curry.r.3 tii' till i.c.;x: f.... Li:U.r u..il rc'.UulMK VtQ LU;cii to u l:ira:il.y cor.f'.it . .. , t! 3 LoncB tro tot dliQytd Ly i..;.; -l o otlicr ttiiraiis, aiiiitUj ciuj po.Qt of ruHiir, . . f Vur lullr.iir!:. 1. tc: y nuJ Chrouiu i:!icur.:r. tlsci uv.d Vtmt, Uyptuln, tiv Iodu:oMtlti, Ji.Iiuiti-, lUiiiituul unci lutci luiliciil lr uciu libt,ui.i'M l ho Ulood livcrt KidncyH. v.id laUili.r tlnto I'&vo tccu moct kuccuo liloud, w hich 1:, : ; roilucvC by i:?m:;,vi;.w..; (.ill.-: Divn.iU.i . ache, lii Die til.oLK era, coufhs, tt.u U u.a Ciicbt, lli3iiicfcd, bour l:ri:ctr.s.io: a tf tito KUiuodt, Vad tuEto lu Uio Mouth, li-iloua Att.icilis, 1'r.lp.ti.ticii cf tliullci't, I;.Cft:mi fttiva of tliu i a::fjs, riinl itl.o rcgl'JiiB ut tlio Uldnvyn, cnunhr.tifliH d olcr i;U 'U,ltoiiia,Gro tli tjLHi.ni.ni:f t yiic.. TU- y invigor:;to tlio Str.uiuch n..d ttij.uiato t..o tui--pldliVtriiua Ucv.'i le, l.loJ. r.-ud- rtl.nm t,i uticfiuallcd cOcacy In clciu.bluc lUcLi'cf ull i;n:rltl( 3, r.ud lu;jj-rtin;r ,,LW v'rj'.r to t!o v!.ulo bjxU-v.i. l;heuD.,lllcul.vtj,i. ,.on., 1 ,;. Ud.I li bUluk.Uoile, i'es Lonclcfl, lilL;;- on:.:;. 1 ct.lc-i:c;i., .'.ctu Lyes, Lryalii claB, itcti, tcur, 1 IfwscK.-.r.t:;). 11 1 f t:.a tl-in, IlunitJis and DiJau :t 1 t..u : 1 v. cr mtr.o or i:aturo, aro lllcTi.IIy 1' a; i;i, c-.i. ur.t t,f thotyetcui lu a itliori t;u.t! Ly t.. j -y. cf luit : lMicrn. Ono botMo in aclt cascH wltl ctiHifj tl.o u: 1 i:.crot'ulcu3 01 tUcir curative oSct. Clcunvi Uiy 1 J d T;?' x.-". rncvor yoa find Its ImpuMia.iVuT. 1 . r; h.5t xin a'. !.i in nttpfcB(i:rap- UouB i rt-ti i ; ;,:. i. 1. tt v.h'.n yu Ui.d it obulractcd and fcli:;Mi i i 1;. i , u :'.. :.:;.;. It v. l.cn U in funl, and your i . .!...; s vl:J t i ... K.-p tuc Llood pare J.nd tin- In H!i t-1 t:y !. t :.i u.ll fill')7. FIN, 'i'AMCii ditlior VV;. ;;.;U, l:.rUU:u in th yEtun of ;.o lu-i t:niui;.H.... v-Xctiulty UcBtro; od and r ir.c . :'. 1 t inrtU.n.t, fotul c.u'cl'uUy tho circular utt.iu. I i-u; t ifw. io, iuU.d U t'ur li- j.walki::;, rruri v"- i.. i-ijoi'iJ i u co., PmggUtfl ttud tier.. Ajjoi.U. Can I'rui.l'c, ttl, and Wand W Con. iiivrca Dii'uU, ww Y01 . tr&QLD BT all un'jtiaisT3 A: i,;:..;..;ux 1780 TAKE NOTICE. 1871 Aro You Afflicted or Sick ? PAHRNEY'S ' BLOOD CLEAN8EK 011 ' ".' ;' ' ' VAWAC K A. I I : .i.t' ' AX Alterative and Cathartic, or Toole and Pure, for diseases arising from bad blood. This preparation was established In 1870,aud bat been prepared In UqtM form for more than 18 years. In January or February, 1870, anoth er party commenced to prqmre n similar article which Is Inferior to the genuine, and which should not be mlstukcn for ours. Ask for "ln. Faiiet's Blood Cleanbek or Fanacka," and accept no others. The Trade Mark of the oldest and genuine, Is printed lu green on a yellow wrapper, hav ing also the signature of P. Faurucy, 11. U., Chicago. ' Dr. r. Fahrney't Health Mentenfler" gives the history and uses of the Bi.ooi Cleanser, teHtlinonials, and other information, sent free charge. Address Dn. P. Faiiknet'b IIiiotiieiib & Co., Waynesboro, Frunkllu County, Pa. Ask for Dr. Fahrney'a Blood Cleanser and CI.EAVBK YOUK 1ILOOI). ttf" Sold everywhere and iu Now Bloomfleld by K. Mobtimeu & Co., only. 518 The IniiMylvaiil Cattle Insurance Company. Capital and Assets, $150,000. Lmirportiliil hi the Court of Qmimon Pleat of Schuylkill Co., Nov. 27, '09. ; I Incorporated by Legislature May 10,1871. IT has now full power to insure Buildings, Merchandise and all kinds of Property against Fire, btonns or Tempests. Also, to Insure. Horses and Cattle against Heath or Theft. The rates on Loan or Preferred Policies are a little higher than any other company doing basilicas tn the county but this class of polley holders can borrow money any time the Company can spare it out of Its suplns assets, and, the money will bo, loaned In rotation, so that the first persons procuring loan policies can be the tirst to borrow uiouey if they need it. Only ; SIX l'KU CKNT. 1NTKICK8T , will be charged for money, and I nuns will be made nt all places that good agencies can be cxtablli'hed, so that the Company will be a Home Company wherever it does business. The Company will also take risks on the common cash and mutual plans as cheap as other reliable companies. i The Directors meet regularly ou tlie second Monday of every month. JOIN 0. HADF.STY, President. JAMES II. OKIER, Secretary. Ornce,-308 Centre St., Pottsville, Pa. 5 20 AI T. KIKhNnt Pr ntln'n.nll PRINTING! JeseeuteU at the "Uluiuu vikuj v ' ! y .8 A GREAT OFFER! ONLY 1 VOIt Ml IN VAMTE I fill. FOR $1, 813 IN VALUli. . Oil, to, 126 FN V AI.UK I THK heautlful and artistic Ohromo, "Isn't 8ho Prettyt" hluMv lliihlii'il. mounted, and varn iMlied. Hizo.Vlxl7 (after Mllie M. Hpenuer.) retail price, tt, will he sent hy mall, securely dono up, omI free, as a premium to every 63 yearly suhserl berto IIKMOHK.ST'H MONTHLY, acknowledged the most beaiitllul and useful Parlor JthiL'aziiio in America. "Isn't she Prelly?" Is a beautiful Chro ma and Splendid Parlor Picture, ami a valuable work of art, worth more tliau INmhio the Cost of Subscription, anil, together with DKMOUKST'S MONTH I. V atloids an opportunity for the invest ment of tt siu'li as mav never occur again or, in place of "Isn't She I'rctlyt" for tl additional, " Hiawatha's Wooing," (after Jerome Thompson), size. lfxi", price, $1.1, will lie sent post-free; or both Cllroinos and !emnrcst's Monthly, for fmo year,' lor SS. lliawallia's VihiIiik Is u ii equally Hplciidlil work of art, a large and beautiful l ino mo, and worth four times the price charged. Husbands, Fathers, and Lovers, do nut fail tosuh scribe (or Deinoicst's .Magazine, and present It with a licantifiil C'iiromo. It will make eves spark le with delight and satisfaction, and prove a moulhly reminder of your good taste nnil kind feeling. Address W. Jknnimh Dkmorkst, It 8 Hroadwnv. New York. Copies of the latest num bers of the Magazine 25 cenw each, post-free. 48 irAIibWAllK! . ,: HARDWARE! fl M1E subscribers have on hand nt all times, X as completo an assortment of Hardware as can be found In the county. NAILS, 1IINUES, LOCKS, '" .' GLASS, ' PAINTS Sc OILS, and a line assortment of all styles of Builders Hardware, Also, CA11PENTER TOOLS, TABLE CUTLERY, COFFEE MILLS, . ..-SPOONS, SHOVELS, HOES, and a full stock of Hardware of Kvery Description, All of which will be sold at tho lowest market prices. Persons wanting any articlo in this line are requested to call aud examincour stock. P MORTIMER CO., , , New Bi.oomi-irld, Pa. English Hoofing Felt Is found to stand well in nil climates, being ex tensively used for lioollng Houses, ,Out-Build-lugs nud Sheds; for Laying Pint Roofs, Gutters, Lining Granaries, Storehouses, or Walls, (cither oatsldo or'insjdo), and for placing un der Slates or Tiles. It is also a cheap and cirectivo Celling on tho underneath side of raf ters of a Slated or Tiled Hoof, and as n Ceiling to Iron Hoofs, counteracting licat, Frost, and Condensation of Moisture. Tho English Felt is put up In rolls of 25 yards in length, hy 8'J Inches In width, and containing a surface of 200 square feet. THREE-PLY FELT FOR ROOFING. In Rolls, 20 inches wide, by 50 feet in length; each roll will cover a surface 10 feet square, or 100 square feet. It is tn be laid across the roof, shlnglo fash ion, with a lap of two Inches, and secured by nailing the edges with 3d nails and tin caps. When luld, the Felt Is to be pninted with Mastic Roof Coating, and Sanded. Tho Mus tic Roof Coating Is mixed, ready for use, aud is apilcd with a brush. ,. ; " ? . . ''. ' TARRED ROOFING FELT. . i j Used extensively for Sheathing Houses, and for Tar and Gravel Hoofing, also for placing under Blate, Tin and Shiuglc Uoollng. , It is used in packing Woolens and Furs to protect them from moths. Put up in rolls weighing 45 pounds each. 15 pounds Felt will cover a surface of 100 square feet. TWO.PLY FELT, For Shea thing Houses, Roollng Temporary Buildings, making Watertight Floors, and for placing under Slate and Shingles. In rolls, 20 Inches wide by 50 feet in length. Each roll will cover a surface of 10 feet square or 100 square feet. For Sheathing it can be nailed upon the stud ding, making a perfectly air tight shealkiug, and sure protection from damuncss.. Hats, injee, or vermin will not go near it. MICA CANVAS ROOFING, , In rolls containing 250 squnre feet. Is to bo laid across the roof, and lapped shlnglo fash ion with a lap of two inches, and secured by nailing the edges with 20 oz. tucks. This is the only Composition Roofing that does not require a finishing coat of paint or cement. , CNTARRED SHEATHING FELT, For Carpet Lining, Deadening Floors, and for putting under Slate, Tin and Shingle Uoollng. Put up in rolls weighing 100 pounds. 10 pounds Felt will cover a surface 10 feet square, or 100 squure feet. MANUFACTURED BY THE , PENN ROOFING CO., 105 South 2nd Street, ' . 6 33 t l'lJlCAUELlMIIA, JA. Pensions, Bounties, &c. WIDOWR, Minor Children, Mothers, Fathers. &c., of Soldiers who were killed or died of disease contracted In the Service of the Fulled States, can now make apl lent Ion for Pension, . , Also Soldier who contracted disease or were wounded, ruptured, or In any way disabled In the war of Mil. When widows die or re-marry, the child or children uudci sixUicu years of age are entitled to a Pension. .-I' i 1 i The time for tiling claims for additional bouuty lias been extended six months. , , . , . , Particular attention glventeoldsusnended ease In the dinorent departments at Washington, li. c If you have, or think you have a claim against the (ioverument, call on or. address the undersigned, JNo charge for Information. i , , ,, .UIWI9 JPOTTEtt, .,.;', ' ' 'Attorney for Claimants, ' , 81 NEW BLOOM FIELD, PA 3NTEW YORK CONTINENTAL Life Insurance Company, OF NEW YORK, ' STRICTLY MUTUAL I Awselw, JHM ,500,000 ! ISAT'KS nil the new forms of Policies, and pre sents as favorable terms as any company In the till led States. The Company will make leinpornry loans on Its Policies. Thirty days' grace allowed on each payment, and the policy held good during that time. Policies issued bj this Company aro non-forfeiture. No extra charges are made for traveling permits. Policy-holders share in the annual prolitsof the Company, aud have a voice iu the elections and management of diet! .inpauv. No iKilicy or medical fee charged. Jl.STl'8 I.AWKKNCIi, l'les't. M. 1). W'tnkoop, Vice I'res't. J. P.ltoor.KS, Scc'y. J. F. EATON. (ienerai Agent, No. 6 North Third Rtreet, 4.211 yl College Hlock, Harrlshurg, Ta. PROSPKCTUS FOlt 1872. '. " FIFTH YEAR.' ' . ' A Rcptx Rimtatlvc and tjlmmpioit of Aiiut . . . .. . . . ie-m An.' 1 THE ALD INE: An Illustrated Monthly Journal claimed to be the haudsomest Paper i n tho World. "Olve my love to the artist workmen of TflK Al.hlNI''. whoare striving to make their profes sion worthy of admiration for beauty, as It has al ways been lor usefulness." en-? IPurrt needier. NEW FEATURES FOR 1873. '.. v .... A11T IIWAllTMEXXi , - As a 'guarantee of the excellence of this depart ment, t lie publishers would beg to announce dur ing the coming year, specimens from the following eminent American artists: W. T. lticliards, (irauvlile Pi-rkln. Jas. Smiley, Wm. Hart. F. O. O. Darlev. It. H. Plgiiel, Win. Heard. Victor Nclilig. Prank Heard, lieo. Smllev, Win. II. Wilcox, Paul Dixon, Aug. Will, James 11. Hoard and J. Hows. These pictures arc being reproduced regardless of expense, by the very best engravers 111 the country, and will hear the severest critical com parison with the best foreign work, it being the determination of the publishers tli.it Tile. Al, DINK shall be a successful vindication of Amer ican taste In competition Willi any existing publi cation iu the world. LITERARY DEPARTMENT. ' Where so much attention Is paid to Illustration and get up of the work, tint much dependence on iijiieurancen may very naturally he feared. To an ticipate such misgivings, It is only necessary to state, that, the editorial management of TllIC AI.DINK has liecti Intrusted to .Mr. Hlcliard II. Stoddard, who has received assurances of assist ance from a host of the most popular writers and pools of till' country. . r . I) THE VOLUME FOR 1K72 will contain nearly .TOO pages, and 2S0 line engrav lugs. Commencing wit Ii l lie iiuiiiIht for January, every third number will contain a beautiful tinted picture on plate paper, inserted as a frontispiece. The Christmas number of K.'i will lie a splendid volume In itself, containing lllty engravings, (four In tint) and. although retailed at fl, will Ik) sent without extra charge to all yearly suhscrlliers. A CllltOMU TO EVERY SUBSCRIBER was a very popular feature last year, and will tie reeatcd with the present volume. The publish, ers have purchased and reproduced, at great ex pense, the lieautiful oil painting by Srih, entitled 'Danie Nature's School." Tho chroino Is 11x13 Inches, and Is an exact fac simile, In size and up peaiaucu, of the original picture. TEH.MS FOR 1872. One Copy, one year, with Oil Cliromo, . .r.n0 Five Copies " ai.uo Any person sending 10 names and $10 will receive an extra copy gratis, making 11 copies for the money. Ally iierson wishing to work for a premium, can have our premium circular on application, Wc uivc many beautiful and desirable articles offered by no other paper. Any person wishing to act. permanently, as our agent, will apply, tcitli rrerenve, enclosing tl for outfit.. JAMKS SUTTON & CO., ' rnni.isHKita 23 Liberty Street, New York. ISLAIN A CADEMY! THK FALL SESSION of this Institution will open ou Wednesday, November 21st, 1871. SUMMER SESSION of Five Months closes' ha October iMh, 1H71. Whole number of Pupils In attendance during Terin.t ,'. OA Average Attendance 60 Thankful for the patronage of the people, grate ful for all favors, and hoping that age may im prove the school hot ii In prestiue and usefulness, we promise to exert all our ellorts to secure the advancement, Intelligence, aud general interests of the pupil entrusted to our charge. J OAHD.C. PALM, Principal. W. L. Hkickuev, Assistant. W. R. Cisna. M. 1)., of Ickesburg, has been en ptilted for this Institution as Lecturer on Anatomy, Physiology, ke. His Lectures during the session now closing, were Interesting and Instructive, and seemed to lie appreciated hy the Stlldcuts ami well received by the people. ,. 4211 A8PI'KNH1T , A HXOIITMKNrn bl'LEXmU iY.SSSOHT.MKN JL -vi 6r ' ., i Suited to tho Season, j f 'j Are Now Ofl'ered for Bale by .. ,v P. 1I0ETI1IEE, & C0. r . , . . . ; i r- n Stage Llue Uctwftn Newport and Aet? ' Uerihiiiitovti). , , , STAGES leave New Oerinantown daily at four o'cliM'k a. iu. Laiidisbui g at X SO a. m. Ureen paikRt8a.ni. NewHIiHiiiilieldattiKn.m. Arriving at NrwHirt to connect Milk the Ao comiiiodiillou trnlu East. Ketui niut' leaves Newiiort on the arrival of the &UU Train from Philadelphia, at 2.30 p. m. Z. HICK. jYoorfcfor. ii u ii o n o u d . Onenilcd WIpnify. Tlie Democracy of tlie Fifth Ward have liad a cloar working majority in wlittt Is now called tlio Elovcnth Division for ninny and many a year. Tlio enforcement of tlie Fiiltcentli Amondinont lina kind of weak ened their hold and lnado it ncnvsKary to straighten out Iho "culled brodien" in ono way or another. Whiskey tickets last year proved a fizzle, and this year, so that tho " RejmW would not swell their heads too intoiiKoly, it was resolved to put out a little of tho great "Reformers' " cash. Accord ingly, advances tvero mado to anohlo gravo and reverend Keignor a worthy and ap proved good master of a colored (look right down thar. It was a dead sure thing that ho could control tho votes of tho whole church congregation. Inquiry nhowed that he was "open to conviction," and arrange ments progressed satisfactorily until it was asked how much money would be necessary to seeuro his vote and iniluence. With an air of olTondcd dignity Brother replied : " Now, gcinmen, as a regular awdained minister oh do olo C'hurch,dis ting has gone jes ns far as my conscience will 'low ; but, gemmen, my eon will call round and tee you in de mornin" ZW Customer to (llorso-denlcr's Roy) " Sent this horso to nhow me, eh 1 Where did your master got him?" Boy " Don't know sir." Customer " Is he quiet in harness?'' Boy " Don't know, Kir." Customer " Will your master wan-ant him Hound ?" Boy "Don't know, sir." Customer " Confound it boy? What did your master toil you to say to mo about tho horse?'1 i Boy " He tellcd me to say "Don't know, sir," to everything ns you asked me 1" OT" " Sally Jones, havo you done that sum I set you yet?" "No, thir ; I can't doit." " Cau' t do it. I'm ashamed of, you I Why at your ago I could do any sum that was sot me. I liato that word can't, for there is no sum that can't .bo done, I tell you." "I think, thir, that I know a thmn you can't thifer out." "Hal Woll, Sally, let's hear it." "It; Kb thith, thir: If one applo cauthed tho ruin of tho wholo human rathe, how many thutch will it take to make a barrel of thider thir?" "Miss Sally Jones, you may return to your parsing' lesson." "Ycth, thir." ZW A story is told of a soldier who was frozen in Siberia. Tho last expression he mado was : "It is cx ." IIo then frozo stiff as marble In the summer of 1800, some Fteuch physician found him after having laid frozen for ono hundred and fifty years. They gradually thawed him, and upon ex-, animation being restored, he concluded his sentence with "cecdingly cold." Z3 A Kentucky conversation "nello dar, you darkey, what you axe for dat old blind mule, hoy?" "Well, I dunno, guess I mout take thirty-five dollars." "Thirty-live dollars?" "I'll give yon five." " Well, you may have him j I won't stand on thirty dollars In a mule trade." ' - tW An old market woman accosted two gentlemen in Quincy Market, , Boston, ono day, with the following negative inquiry: "Gentlemen, you ha'n't uono on you seen nothing of no snuff box nowhere round here no tlmo to-day with no snuff in it, ha'n't ye?" , '.- V8 Shoddy invited Olo Bull to dine with him, and meet a few frionds. At the dinnr, Shoddy hoped Mr. ' Bull bad brought hie violin. ' Olo quietly replied, "My violin never dines opt." i ' ZST " Have you much fish in your bag ?" asked a person of a fisherman. ' " Yes there's a good eel in it," was tho, rather slippery reply. t3T"Tho drum major who ran away from Chiekamanga, when reproached with cowardice, remarked : " I'd rather be a coward all my lifo than a corpse fifteen minutes. tW A traveler writos home from Paris, "Tho word I have stood most in need of since my arrival here is the French for damn." . , , , Iff" Old Dick, who is a shade or two blacker than thcro Is any need of, says he docs hate " dese yer fall winds, dey is so tannin'." ' ' ZV What is tlie difference between a farmer and a bottlo of whiskey 1 Ono hus bands the com, and the other corns tho huthands. i . ., i , .; , .. , i, , ZW " You'll grow up ugly if you mako faces," said a maiden lady to her little niece. "Did you mako fucos when you was a girl, aunty ?" . j , . ZW Why is a mau when paying his note of hand like a father going to see- his chil dren ? Because he meets his responsibilities. , Z3T At, all boarding-houses, the earliest riser gets the strongest coffee, XMT How long ought a lady's crinoline to lie ? Not much above two feet. ' " 1
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers