TERMS.OF The BRADFORD REPOT:VIE Ii published every 'Thursday morning by. GOODRICH & at (Me Dollarperannum, In advance. ' 4-7•Advertlsjug In all cases atclusivo of tub. seription to the paper. SPECIAL/NOTlCESlnsetted at TlA.Cstcis per lino for first - Insertion, and FIVE,C CUTS writhe for aeh subSequeut insertion, but ho notkco inserted ter less than fifty cents. • • ' YE ARLY•A.DVEItTISEMENTS will be insert ed at reasonable rates. . Administrator's and Executor's Notices, (k2(4.: aditors Notices,V.so ; Business Cards, avelities, <per year) el, additional lines Ei each. Yearly advertisers are • entitled to quarterly changes: Transient advertisements must be paid for to adefince. • Alt resolutions of associations; communications of limited or. Inillyldual Interest, and mrices of 'Hard ages or deaths, exceeding live lines are charg• ed r IVE cswTN per line, lint simple notices of mar riages and de tths will be,pubitshed without charge. nie REPORTER havin•ra larger circulation than. any other paper-in - the county, makes It the best advertising medluin in Northern Pennsylvania. ' • • JOll PRINTING of - every kind. ip plain and fancy colors, . done with neatness and dispatch. .liantibills, Blanks. - Cards, . Pamphlets, Bilibeads, Statements, Sic., of every variety and slyly, printed at the shortest notice. The Itityouxxikwltice is w~llnoppliod %NBA power presses, a goodnissort ment of new type, and everything in the'println; line_stanite exeented birth° most artistic manner • and at the lowest rates. TERMS INVARIABLY' CASH. v,asitess4arbs: JOIIN. W. CODDING, - •. - A I*-L AW, TOW A N DA, PA Office over 31 ar,on's oill Mut.. TIONIAS E. MYER ATrOT-N - CY-AT-t.AW, TOWA.•,:DA, PA , 1 7 161 - AV C .ptcK a: OVERTON A T T . O EYSIA - i:LAW, TWA'ANDA. PA. OVF.P.TON, ODNEY A". laitCtß, ATTOIINEY TOWANDA, PA., Solleihmof Patents: rartiltilat• attention raid t 4: hlisiness in the OrphansSourt and to the bottle : a 111, 6r rotates. qitce in iitonianyes Mock OVERTON & SANDERSON, ATT. ;RN EY-AT-LAW, P A. IMINAME e. J ESSU ATTOttNEY AND CiATNSEI.L.R-AT•LAW 4'lN'rP.4)sl:. PA Jessup ha In re•.nntril the practice of the law In will al tend to any lei; Intl ie.tml to tutu in Itrailtur.l county. eolioilt hmt. tam rah , on 11. T t.ctreetcr, Towan,u, Pa., T . ! lig, an appointment eat: `, male - - ItENRY AtitEWE'ER, ATTO:IN EV ,',.l7tiSELLalt-AT-LAW, TM' A N,ItA, PA JAMES WOOD, AN - VA-; I'A. nic 119 Tr, T r L. I'o N F.ll, 1 )., I I ;NiVoi..y•rviti• ',MY - IC IA 1.51-1:1;EON t.tt t N s titittitt ttr hr. C;tr tt tot .`l.t•t. ••• 1, \ lt.t., jtt.tit,-4ttt. 1, 1 L. 1111.1,1 1• A mot' Y-AT.-LAW ."W AN PA. ITT 11. 9' il NI - ATTORNEY _• ST U.U•11 .1 .. VA. NV ak;end U. - b:1,1•1 • . i;o hi rad ropi, Counitus. cunt e ellh lEEE 1 , ,1ii, ; .11! A N ; I). I). S. • • 4.1' r:1:A Ti yr. AN I) MITIIANE: DENTIN ..:1 or De. 1,,-.Att.'s FI,STEEE SC,-; SOOT A Trarl:: EYS-AT-TAW, TOW AN DA, PA."' Et.•ifittE. -4 , - , KI'SN EY, U. 7 ATT , !I:tiFY-AT-I.AW Office—Rooms furnwrly occupied by Y. M, C. A [!:111.31'75. Rea,ling•Th.m. McI'IIERSON, I! frOn s;EY7AT•taAW, :TOW A NDA:P.A..t s. 1,141 "‘r fcb.t TOIIN W. MIX, ' ATT , YRNEY-AT.rwAW ANDILT. COMMIFSIONF.f • TOWANDA. PA. o.tre,= - Nonh Mae Pnt ? lti iquare CAR''NOCITAN, ATIMINEYE-AT-LAW, Sivl7ll SIPE oF \‘'.l) Den,23-75. ToWAND A. PA, ANDREW 191 ATTOI:N SLAT-LAW "tpeo over Turner 4 4 . I;nr4ll,l's As, •;c4,. .31:7 ;r , • %p AFT . O. YOUNG, • 1 A TTtIo:EY-AT-I. %Nv TO W A VD A,. PA. 41":, .7"; ,: 4 ••1t,r 1 It _ lir ' "It's a fact.," asserted the yormt. elm7vmau. (1 011'c . think people ought to conform(' hypochondria add religion in this blindfold sort of a way. She'd a deal better send for the:- doetor, and leave . olr scolding Unit v.-retched. atifipted daughter of hers. _won't go,---that's settled. What next Meet Deacon. D :ley and old Captain llartwifl at the Fov.iersville Four Corners at half past 'Me to-morrow? Now I .won de,sr why peophi can't agree about their oWn boundary • lines . without (falling clergyman of the par ish as umpire between them'?" " ftssensiou .is. mull a dreadful thin o: trionF your think, Charles," said. hi= mother. • "So :“-arlet lever. or smallimx," said Mr. I . :aryl. rat her curtly , . all the can't - see how_ l can be held responsible for eithei• one or the other. Lea l " _the mantisCript of v(ftu last sera ms Dad(' Jut. 1 haven't frri.y. manu script to read—only. half 'a:- dozen memorrmfla. 1 preached entireiyex . temporc,.last Sunday '' , " CoUldn't you just write it off . from -memory?" said Mrs. Caryl,,pit-. eously. " The prio7 plfi holy seenti .. . •-0 anxious. the sermon impressed. so deeply."l - • Really, mother-, 1 think .a i little rinrerasonWe." said' tfiti pastor . . "Suppose evOy oßllndy in the par ish were hi require inn to write out twelve-pagehernoin for her especial benefit ! Give M a Miss Ilifts list ..of hymns fornext Sunday.' • Yes, I'll flo that—as well as. any time. ' Speak to Mrs. Ti tine's Sarah.' Mrs. Prtine's Sarah? Wh`o Mrs. Prune's' sarali ? Anti, what, am Lto speak to her about. I'd like -to „kno*?" de manded the younr , -elergyman/ in a salt of mild desperation; " Don't you -know ?" explained Mrs. Caryl. "It's Mrs. Prune -th: , t, lives down ky-the-steam saw-mill, in the bigwhite_houSe, with the poplar trees in front . of it. And it's her stepdaughter; that'aft'ome home from the third situation, all on account of the rilkon4i-tiher hat, and her pride' in her own :pretty face." - " And I am ta,speak,--to her, eh ?" N. N. BETTS, Cashier. said the younft'fiastor.• JOS. POWELL, President. .Aril 1, IST " Yes ; you are to, speak to her," 4„;1:,-P;FX'S OYSTER BAY AND said his mother. • 1. 3.I.II:RoPEAN JIOUSE.—A few doors southof: ".1. Shall do nothing of the' sort," !foamd by the day or week on ?Me terms. warns cl meals served at all hours. deared Mr. Caryl, with 'soine cm .),,t(.." at whole.iite and retail. . phasis. . • TIiedr."NTRALIIOTET4'" But..you must, Charles!" .pleaded ULSTER, PA. the old It's in the line •of undersigned baying taken possession or the above hotel, respeetfully solicits the patron- ! t fat • " • your regti.ar ( eg: of Ids old friends and - the-public generally. I Mr. Caryl- hesitmed, and wrinkled FORREST. I ; his brow lif sore perplexity. $ flnlaiii of and expenses guaranteed to Agents. 1 " I 1 free. SHAW & AuguXa, Maine ,Do yfon think so ?" said he.. A TrOZ: s I.Y ••11.7'-LAW )FFIC o, 111.1i1 by N%'-rn. Watl.lns F VILIANT, (0r1.,1 , 7;'77) M A ...`; \V ELL, V ATT‘W.N%Y.AI . -LAW. T,OW.l;ci)., PA. 7' • • A Di lAL A'TT. 7 7 . Y !,‘ , NV T.IIV.A 11A, O'tlr•: In Wow - AN 11:,.rk. deor -,oe - ra of-the tint. banl;.'np-,l3ir }l. .T ' !Alt. M. ',V t)0.1) 1 .;VIIN, CIA .1 5. 1. t , ar,..10.:1. tune,: 0. i. TI. = MTM. S. VINC-ENT, GE•;rltAl, INSURACE AaEsT, .1;0) 31, 3579. Ti 'WAN P 1 . . - 7 • AAT - B. 1: 'Z. I, I .A". DEN llST.—Ottlee TV • over E. 141.:14175. pa. 'meth ata Al n:raltun extra 1} D. PA \ - N F.. Y . D., . • -- . , 0 i 11" q over Al : ktia iv! N . ~..: IW.A. 1 , 11:( 0 110t1 , s from 10 _...,.... 1b.." ~NJ,. .1,1 ;ioill *2 . 0 4 0. N. _ ~...,.,..,it.-; tal att,n,',“: git.•:l If , 11V. , '..k . rr.5" -, i ]II S F. AVE ?•,-' tit' t ..and Tit EFY 1 , . ) .' . ? TUE Ei ji ' . . .. •, • ___ s ! .- W. 1: Y A N - , • ,• -- ..‘ •,•,„, k_X••_-.. , ----- - ' - • • C - 01" ,- .TY "•*: I , TV: OPEV.T (Ake (13:%'• ; month. ouvr Twiner 111 . .77 Towanila. Pa. 'r:raau,fa, dotiv,2 o . in s. 11: PEET, :F: A OF PIANO 11 I! Sll q" , ;,* •. ve... T••.' t 3 • S. PC 6S i. E., F.Nl.7` INSURAN.C.E AGENCY M•):,5-'Le , , e. - 1 tv A N 1) A, PA F IRSTNA - NONAI, BANK. TOW A ); 1) A . l'A ',PITAT, PAID IN flank offer.. nnnsaal fotibe_trans At a general banking business. GOODRICH &.HITCHCOCK. Publishers. 1/OL - Mit XL. • 4 ep 25,"79 She Inherits Lariii.4 treasures, • She Is bolt to all his fame, • • Ktid the light - that lightens round her Is the hultre of his . uamO. , r • She I/ wise with all his wisdom, • ' , v"= Liviog on his grace She stands: Vir her brow she bears his laurels, And his harvest hr her hands. . itEcR May I, 79 .ioU F. fsANnnitsyx :'The Minister's Mistake. Saturilly Nfglit The sunset- Was painting all the forest-paths'?.witlgold ; The mosss+. holes of the trees . glowed in ,the level light, al ? if 'they' had besn,Carv ed out of glitterldg Isrune,. and the scailet vines along- - the stou4rWall .-cau!dit, new splendor from thci last, 'ray', while the Al'very-white fringe .of the wild elt*ifis swung from the dead thorn-hr4es,: and here and th , •rc a. bird, perched high up against the deep, vivid blue of the heavens, ut,tvi ed the clear, vesper hole; 1 and Mr. --Caryl, walking t- home through the Westbrook woods, thought whatka bcatiliful. world this was that God had made. 3lr. Caiyl Was ()lily four and - twen- Ly, and had been in the Westbrciok.,4. parish for. three •months. - Not' long, but long enough to discern, - by the• [ testimony of his gown exiTrienee, that tht?rerwere thorns, as well as, roses ; in a_country . pastor's life. anti I had seemed so beautiful ideal, when he looked at it, through the medium of his fancy, standing the threshold of the Theolo g Feal Seminary. It was beautiful still; but the'ideality had all gone t out of L.-kI.SETLEF". I it. • BRE WM - 4)% ,I-7, [1 o% 19-74 His mother Met him on the door step orthe parsonage - --a brisk, i3pee ta4ed little dame, in a turned black sill, with frills of neatly-dartied lace, and violet ribbons in lier - Eap. " Well, Charles;' she said, lieeri -1t" hoe's a whole 'slateful of t: calli tor you." • • Cryl's eatintA;nanCe rather fell. , He had beeP anticipating an evening,, by the wood-fire; with the last niiiu her of Blackwor's. Magazine - . ;• • " - Calls?" be 'epeacil `• What are, . ales , ? and where they ?" went into the little }parlor as ,? s he spoke—the parlor where the co'V eta.' .wood-fire was leaping and flash the bright and-irons, and a shadrtr-lamp w;ts already burning on the table amag his piled-up books and pipers—and took up the little slate. The widow Corsett," he read ; aainfr, .5 do -r4ice: "That woman again ! - She has died - once a week, regularly, ever since 1 . have beeil ;in Westbrook.' • • ":Charles !" .mildly reproved his .Tan. 1, 1.874. OCl=ffi3 $125.000. athooo C•~il~l. 9 .Y ~ K . THE PRESENT Do not crouch to dry and worship The old Past, whosylfe is fled; Hush your lotee to tender reverence; Crowned no lies, but colt and dead ; 'For the Present rr.lgris our monarch, • With anmided Weight of hours; lionorier, for she Is' mighty I Honor her, fur-she-Is ours! See the shadows r,f his heroes. Cirt around her cloudy throne ;, Every day the ranks are 'strengthened By great hearts to ithn unknown ; Noble things the great - Vast promised, Holy things both strange and new; lint the Present shall fulfill them, What he promised she shall do. Coward, ran !dui reign and conquer If we thits her giorYdino - Let us fight for her as nobly As our fathers fought for God, who crowns the dying ages, Inds he r rule and us obey- 7 , uh cast our Rees la-fore her, Rids us serve the great To-day. , —Ad, la hie S nue Proctor. ‘Sel eried 07 ale. c!. I "I'm sure of it 1" declared 'the old lady. • - • . . , •-.., ConicientiousneSs 'was 'one of. the Strong points of Mr. Caryl's charac. ter. He took up his hat. "If it's got to- be done," said ° he, desperately, "the sooner the better!!' " But you'll stop for your tea first, Charles ?" urged Mrs. Caryl. " Hot corn-bread and strawberry jam." "I'll stop for nothing !" said - Mr. Caryl., " Don't fret, little mother; it 'won't take me - long to speak LO Sarah." - • ._,, _ And he-disappeared, with a laugh. it happened, he never before had been called. upon to pract'e this par ticular branch of hisprofession,*a& ing with the rebel lions lambs of - his floCk who thought more'of.their bright eyes than they did of 'their. hymn books ; and he turned the matter over in his mind 'as he , walked along the frosty .woodland path, where the young. moon cast a fitful; evanescent light, and the dead leaves sent up a faint odor beneath his feet, "Speak -to Sarah," he mattered to himself, not without a Certain precep. Lion of the ridiculous side co; the mat ter. '" And what Lam to say to her,. I wonder ?" He knocked softly at the big front door on tiutPrunemansion. A shuffl ing, untidy girl of fourteen or fifteen opened it o hiding it, hiding behind a fringe' of curl-papers. •:" Is Mrs: . Prune .at home?" said he. " No, she ain't," - retorted the Arl. Mr. Caryl {Jail : Sec!. -= He scarcely knew what question to ask nest.. "Is Sarah at home?"; he demAd- Lid; after a-little. "Miss Sarah , " Well. I suppose it can hardly be Sarah," said the young clergy man, half smilingly. • "A - es,. Miss Sarah of course." . - "She's tit home," said the girlotn graciously, opening the door.a little wider.. "Caine this afternoon. Set-i tin' in,tif'e parlor. Walk in pleat g." 'And without:- further ceremoty, Air. Caryl .found himself ushded intOrt;-emi-dark apartment, where a taill,entler young beauty of eigh teen summers -or so, at before the black dress, with the i , f - oplegrof cuffs anti collars, and a' pale glue ribl;in fastened into . the dprk braids of her hair—a perzi'On- solhit i rely different from what he hail expected to see that he stop ped short in some perplexity. ." Ia this,--ahem ?" he ask ed. " I am Sarah Fielding," she re sponded. • " I•have.calledto spe \ ak to you," Said he, R witlya desperate rallying of his verbal forces. " l'erhaps Sarah, You may not know who I am-!" " No, I don't," said the .girl, in some surprise:.: '" I am Mr. Ca'ryl, the pastor of the parish." . . "1 am happy to make your ac . quaintanee,7 said the girl, puttin , , - out one slim hand, 41 the easiest pos sible manner. The,, - pastor hesitated. This was not what he looked for at'all.„ "Of course—of course," said , he. " But ,kow,.does---it liapPen, Sarah, that S•ou are at - home?' again so Soon?" • " Po you mean at Westbrook?" "4 -11 "Whcre else shouldq inean;?" re torted Mr. Caryl, erustfly4:tur he felt_ that if he once auala.tliined big' tone of authority he was loSt. " Why (Wu% you stay where you were?" Sarah colored up to the roots_of the hair. T lie could preeeive that; even in the uncertain rise and fall ot. the Wight.- " I did not like the poSition,". said she in a :ow voice ‘lltit you ought to like it," said r. " ron arc not aware.tl all the dr eumstanees,"Jleaded S trali. r " I am quite aware," said Mrs. Caryl 4yerely, -% that vanity is the toot of all your evils !" " Vanity?" The crimson was deeper thim ever now, on brow and temple, as she half ro'€ " Yes vanity !" impressively reiter ated the clergyman. "Be silent if you please'. young woman, and hear nine out. You have a certain-amount of personal attractions, which appear to lito4V,urned your head. Itemem bersthaf beauty is. but skin deep. Call tO mind frequently the ancient adage, 'Handsome is Oita handgome does.' After all, you are neither Mary Queen of Scots nor Cleopatra. Now, take mY advice, Sarah—" • But I Rave not asked for it,7' she cried out, in .e.hoked accents. . No matter whether you have or not." ,said carlyl, , calmly. "It is my mission -to volunteer good coun seal, anti yours to receive it. I, repeat, Stuati,*takt• my advice, and go back to your last phige. 'Apdlogize hum : lily for your shortcominf4s; tell the .woman of the • house' that you will, . strive to amend your conduct for the future, and endeavor ,tcrideserKe her . , approval, Put, alvay your silly rib bon bows and brooches "—with a stern glance , at a poor,,..little agate breast-pin that glistened at the girl's throat—`' and have the vain acces sories of dress to yotir betters, always remembering that the ornament of a meet: and quiet spiritr-- 1 " .' Bkit just at this 'point the young 'clergyman's oration was abruptly checked by the entrance of Mrs. Prairie herself; shf,j,wled amitorineted, and`breathing. fast, 'from the haste ( I . she had made. ,In dine. and she held a prodigious cotton u brella : with the other she dragg forward the untidy damsel of the shawl and earl papers. " Here she Mr:Caryl—)lere she is !" bawled. Airs. Prone, who did not possTs`flkt most ekt!ellent thing iii woman,'" a low and gentlo vocie." . '"A lazy : n ''croxid-tor-nothing. stuck-up, , vain minx' as ` _needn't.suppose Pm going to do for her no longer! You needn't hang back, Sarah ; . it ain't no good i Here. she is, Mr. Caryl =' here'i Sarah'!" ' ' • The young pastor stared in aman ment.- " Is that Sarah ?" aid lie. "That's Sarah," panted Mrs. Prime. "And who's this?" he- demanded, turning to the slim, dark-eyed girl, with the blue 'ribbon and the agate brooch. ' - "'That's my -niece, Sallie Fielding, TOWANDA, BRADFORD' ,COITNTY, PI, THURSDAY MORNING, OCTOBERS 23. 1879. as has been governess to .a family. up in Maine for three years," said Mrs. Prune. "And she's down here on a visit now--came this very after noon. Hain't you, been introduced yet? Mr. Caryl, my niece Sallie Sal I i this - ere's:—.” But . before she could 'finlsh•lhe - words of ~her formal introduction, the clergyman had made a nervous grasp at his hat. " I—l have beewile victim of a misunderstanOing,,"? stammered -.he. "Afkis young perso'n told me.that she was Sarah." "So, .she is," said ~Mrs, Prune.' " But .she ain't the Sarah as is to be spokeff to." • - . , • • "I beg a thousand- pardons," said Mr. Caryl, feeling the cold. sweat : drip from every-pore. Miss Fielding burst out laughing:' "They are cheerfully granted," said she. "Sp, don't go. away, Mr, Caryl," holding • out her hand.as he was turning . to . .depart.' , . "I have learned'that you possess •:it leist the virttie - of frankness: Shall* we not be friends ?" And Mr. Caryl looked into the ark-blue eyes, and said 46 y' es /l He forgot all about the hot corn bread and straWberry-jam at home, And stayed to-. tea at,Mrs. Prune's, while the light, Sarah escaped_ the in tended lecture, and the wrong,Sarah presided, in a most graceful and .win ning- manner, behind the cups and saucers ; and old Mrs. Caryl laughed heartily when her son explained the curious rencontre to her, later in the evening._ "But why did' she leave het' situa titmthe -wrong Sarah; I mean ?" said she. . "Because the young heir of the Mouse made love .to her," said Mr. Caryl ; "and I don't wondei, at it. She's the! prettiest little creature I ever saw in my life." ‘.yerlmps diem" said Mrs. Caryl, (loubtfaily, "your ;Udviee wasn't so 'yen- mai amiss utter all." Certainly it was," said Mr. Caryl, with spirit. The old lady looked sharply at him. "Charles," said she, "I do believe yotere . ::trtiek ivith het" ." Nonsense !"said Mr. Caryl; !,yrn- ing red. ; - But, jug three months later, when the iwion was full, and sleighing parties en ! rile; Mr. Caryl brought Miss Fielding home from sincr°ing hool, in his new cutter, and told her a secret on the way—that he loved her. Awl so the, wrong Sarah was the Fight Sarah, after all. : • HE WAS ONO' BLurriso.Txvo of our sporting fraternity, whom we will Call Smith , and Jones, recently lie came engaged in a came of poker with a big, raw-boned; green-looking stranger, and, as sometimes will hap pen when professionals arc playing, - the stranger found himself looking at four queens, While Smith had four king - s - and Jones calmly regarded four aces—the best, hand. The bettiit was pretty lively, and finally the stranger called for a "sight,?' as all his, money was up, and said he had four queens. S.nitlx said, "No good—l've got four kings." " The thunder you have!" yelled the stranger, and let fly his right fist, about the size:of a peck of walnuts, plumb: between Smith's eyes, knock across the. room. i°Wt at Kave you got r' sneered 'the stranger to Jones. - , • With . a glance at that big, fist, Jones . hastened to reply: "Oh, 1 haven't got anything, J was only bluffing," and the stranger raked in the " potar and as lie departed, mut tered: !'"Y4u;can7t ring in any cold decks online!" A Seniors dus•micLe.--LA young had conceived a violent passion for a neighboring.';FmulattreOsand taking her one night behind him on !in old farm mule set out for Georgetown to have the ceremony of marriage cele brated.,ll4Viti=endeavoring to navi g'ittg'"'ir mud-bole on the Georaetown• ;` milk apparently lost his power of-h)coniotion, and the darkey got down to eiamine into•the' cause of it. — l7nfuttutitely. got too' close t -- o"rhe'animal'Sliind legs, and tin. unexpected convulsion of the extretilitiei:shot .him out of . the side of the rOad with • a violence F which resembled'the discharge of a cannon bait. " What's ile indtter,?". ihquifed Abe prospective bride, listonielied at these hurried movements. " Matter ! Mar's peep de matter Dis weddin' aitit a comin' off!" " What's dc - ateason it ain't?" • Dar's reason 'nufr-,;.-clut mule got suintin de matter wid his hind legs, and l'se got sumlin de .matter wid miry Stomach—and . data reason 'mar to stop a weadi_4%" And it did../-_,:.-Itcycer ‘ - ‘1"110 RULE TILE WORLD?—We have left Chicago and' are. nhirlin along toward Burlington. I ao out into the dining car .tri eat. 1 1 ' comir back and lo! a family , has "sqnat-. ted "tin. my seat— I am inclined to get on mad, and 1 think, indeed, I do Make a pretty good startot 1 jerk my overcoat angrily. away from the iecumbent shoulders.of the hon 7 est biz.not, stylish agriculturist who has,.maile a mattress of it -and glare Savagely down, at a...little bundle of blue and' white baggage that. •these people have piled ..upon my seat. And 101 while I gfire, a • tiny, dim pled hand peeps out of the folds .of the blue cloak, with dinty nails, tint ed like a shell; a flossy little halo of silky hair, white lids closed over the blue eye's, longiashes that fringe the white the baby IS welcome to all the seat. Who can keep cross at the baby ? ' Poor little dot, it will have to fight toe its privileges after awhile.—Burlington Hawkeye. - • NV AS Ili Wr.LL ' A new baby had recently arrived In the house, And he who was baby before, Was so much elated by the eirent,* ' . That he constantly hung 'roundthe • Till, a: lad, they let bltu.into the ruiain,,` . When baby lay erepped Inilantelsisneft, 'then slipping up close to the new one be 'biped, " Say. 'lttle feller, how was Lod when oo left !" • —Lampfun . '1 . 2.,'„111i \ I t: : !,.„.._ ,t 1 L. t -'' (I I, REOLAPLESOMP DENtrNOLivoN FROM ANY QUARTER _.*:_..........,), r _ , ii i '-• --- ' ium,OOBREOTI OUT - BROTHER DE-' `I3TROYED HIS lIBEITFLITEBB. Adeaconof a prominent Connecti cut chureNwhose pastor bad just re signed,' says- the Hartford Courant, recently meta Hartford divine, when the followieg.crnversation ensiled : "1 Ne,es sorry to hear that Brother Blank had resigned. I have always liked hint 'He is regarded as a very able trfanOsn't he?" .." W-e 14, • y-e-s," (hesitatingly). " Oh , . ye-es he's an able man." " But he is a first-rate preacher, isn't he ?" "W-e•1-I, y-e=s, he's a very good preacher." " And he is a man of the highest Christian character; so we have al ways thought here." " W-e-l-1, ye-es. Oh, yes, 'he's a good Christian." " Britltieret m'rfst, be someting the matter,deacritrWhy doyou hesitate so and say, ye't.s?' - Has Brother Munk been guilty of any thing wrong'? I __know of a church that I think he is just the man for, and mean to reccommend him very . highly. _ Have you any reason to suppose that he would not give satis faction I I " "Well, doctor, Mr. Blank is all you say about him, but I'm afraid he's not calculate d so make a suc cessful pastor in the country." Why, not deacon? You surprise me very much." " We11, , 1 will tell you one reason. Mr. Blank lived net door to a neigh bor whose hens and itliekons troubl ed him very much liy dining up his. garden. Ile spoke about it several. times, but, it did no good; , those fowls kept in his garden all the time. And what do you think he did ?' In stead of shooting some of than or. building a high boatd tekee around his gaiden, he came here to Hartford and' and' bought the best game-cock he Could find, and took him,.,llome and turned him loose in the 'garden. Tit next day that neighbor heard :i great commotion among the poultry, and when he looked over the fence there were all his bens and chickens lying in windrows, and thatgame-coek walking.over thy_ bodies and crow ing. Now, you cani-tsayi that was unchristian conduct, ut it was eer thinl to I destroy Mr. Blank's usefulness in that section." THE DIGINITY. OF OFFICE ' A Detroiter who Arra rusticating in One- of theAwilderness -counties of Miebigan, was one (lay hunting. When he came upon a haMlet, consisting of a saw-mill; two hougr-s and a log cabin.. The sign of " Post Office " greeted his vision over,a,door on one of the houses, and he entered. The office was an eight by ten room, and. the boxes for mail matter numbered just four.. A written sign on the wall announced that the mail arrived and departed once, a week, and the Post.. master sat behind a pine table read] ing the Postal Guide and chewing It sassafras root. • _ "Any letter for Jo n---%1 asked the Detroiter, as he looked around. The I'. M. didn't, hake his head and crush all the imp irer's, hopes at once, as some official • do, but slowly arose, looked carefully into each'one of the four empty b f t+4,•peered into an old cigar box on 'the window-sill, and then answered,: " I don't see anything just now, but, it is mill four days till the next mail."• ,„ ""Is this a mOneporder .ofliee ? " Pontinued the stranger. • - " Well, no, not e, actly, though we handle considerable money here." " Can I get a dollar's worth of threes?" asked the Detroiter, after a pause. • . Well, no, not" exactly," replied the official, looking into his wallet. " Guess . I can spare you five of six now, and the rest next week." There was another pause "as the Dostmaiter vainly tried to make change for a quarter, and the Detroi ter finally said : • ~. "This= isn't rated as a 'first-class postoillee, is it ?" "Well, no, not exactly," was the confidential' reply. -'Fact is, we . don't do - a very rushing, business hereand sometimes I think it would pay - me better to gol back on the farni." • . • '• I don'ersuppose yon make twenty dollars a year here, do youl'..". " Well, no, not exactly, but I don't look,at that altogether: The po‘sition .it giN'es us, in society hero' must be taken into consideration,4„pu know." The population Of the Hamlet, in clud-ing, a taint: hear and d-tlog, was thir : teen souls. 1761 " Waft TII-N IN II 061 i: MILL s(”:s of YEitls Aoo.,Sometitrie ago Pr, Stephenson was prospecting the tast hornblends and chloritic slate formation between Gainesville - and Jefferson, and 'found a singular rock on the land of ,31r. - Frank Harrison, which he cmiAiters one of the Most 'interesting and inexplicible produc- tions•of the laws of chemical affinity. The boulder of, Lornbleiul weighs nearly a ton, is black, and crystalized through it in seems about oue-eightli 'oi an inch thick of white , Auartz are the figut:s 1761. They arc %about four jabs long and placed at equal dis- - tances from each other. It is.com mon in all plutonic rock to see seams of quartz traverse the granite, guess, liornhlenit and other4ilasseffof 7 rOcks various directions, from one-eighth of an' hick tb a foot or more, which sometimes cross each other, but-n^ier with. the regularity and symmetry of this. It has not been t4ousand 'years since the Arab invented our nuni ergls, from Ito 10, an we find. here in perfect figures, made by the laws of chemical on-;the oldest rocks, which formed the crust of. the earth countless . millions of years-be fore there -was a vegetable or animal in existence.,— Gainei6ille (Ga.) • Eagle. WiIAT a feeling of relief comes over a woman as she enters a church and *discov ers that her neighbor's wife has the same leather on her summer hat that she wore all last season. "IVE wish," says a Texas newspaper, "that a few of our citizons could be per mitted to live till they ..die a natural death, so•as to show the world wh i st a magnificently healthy country Texas real ly is. TEE TEIALMOITE. If there should eomis time, as well there may: When euddentrlbulatlon sullies thine heart, And thou dad come to me for help and day Aud 'comfort—how *hall I perform MY Past y Ilowilhall 1 make my heart a resting-placo • • • .shelter safe trout thce when terrors smile flow...stun I bringllnksunsitine ti?lny,face, And dry thy tears In bitter woe's despite? Hew *hall I win the strength to keep my Telco Steady and firm; although thear thy sobs? Low shall I bid thy painting Soul rejoice, Nor mar the counsel ormlnti own heart throbs? LOW , . my love teaches me is certain way, . So, If thy dark hour come, I stn thy stay, I mast iltle higher. nearer to the reach IA angels In their blemod trnattuines; • Learn air unaolnehess, ere I can t5...74ch, - Cont en t , thee, whom I would gladly d`s AD! what woe were mine it thou ehouldat come, Troubled. but trusting, unto tneror aid, Arid I should meet thee powerteas;and . dumb, Velillmto help thee, but coil - V(10A, afraid It shall not happen thus, !or'l tit!' God helping me, to higher life, and gain , Courage and Strength to give thee counsel wise, And deeper love to bless thee In thy pain. Fear not,,dear Imre, thy trial hour shall be The dearest bond'betoeen my heart and thee. • • PBO _PHEOY• Delivered by GEonce I. Bui:K. on the Campus of the Collegiate institute, September Vrth, 'Twas on a blOak night of last De. cember, as I sat before the dying tire, that a vision rose before me, strange And terrible. There its the - dim light of my shaded. lamp appeared a ,figure In the gaih of an ancient warrior. Tattered and weather-beaten was his dress; stein and unyielding his yis lyre. In a moment the truth flashed 0 Recovering in 'part from my first consterbutiO4, I put the query : " Are you the dux of those-pvieto ruin Gem.anorum, who went not un der a lecture for fourteen years?" Slowly and pa;is.zifully,came the re ; sponse: • • " I am Ariovisttis ; and to-nighta visit you to reveal the future, for to you it is i gMnted to'know the events of the coming quarter century." Feeling reassured, I expressed my thanks. for the honor, and requestad my guest .'to speak first of the Sus•- quehanna Collegiate Institute. With- . out, further preliminaries, he began the revelation. "Twenty-five years," he - said, "will have brought many changes. . Them you will - hear of the Susijiiiltianni: , College, with. a, full corps Of profes sors and a throng of students. The grc,p.t success'of the reorganized in stitution is mainly due to the abolish ment of the board of trustees. Som9 - clie'd, others removed, and the re mainder,. yielding to substantial in ducements; resigned. ~ " The Principal has becoine. Presi dent E. E. Quinlan, P. iv LL D. YArs ago he Was a hard Worker, but .now, with,the advancin,* years, such exe - rtion is no longer needful. He is content to direct the management of the college, leaving the ° harder labor to-younger men. " Of course, when thCollege was opened the . - former - I. dy.• teachers I sought other oecupatioi i s. Miss Ma son, having always bee incredulous as to the legend of the blsy bee, went into' bee'Llture, to sa isfy an over powerig curiosity. Still she longs for ' the days -that are past,' when the smiling , faces of .her barges were der great and only dell ht. " Miss ;Cook, having . taught for fif teen years, chose - a pa tney through :'this vale of tears,' b t he avows ; that he had neither par ,nor lot in it. " Mr. Kimberley prac teed law suc cessfully among the Fee ee Islanders. On one occasion during his early res idence there, he was. about to . be served as soup for the benefit of the natives. The missionaries had visited thnsland and ekpounded the text, 'Thou shalt not live by bread alone; and this was,to be - the melancholy result of their, teaching. Mr. Kinl berley, being -asked it he had any thing to say why the desire for soup should. not. be gratified, showed the error of the preacher, and they the correct rendering is, 'Thou shalt not live forever). ..Buy (or purchase) bread alone.' His life was spared, and the Fjejees have since. gorged themselves with aerated bread. '. "But;' said Ariovistus, suddenly stopping in 7 the midst of his narra-, tion, "there- . are . others whose for ' tunes are of greater interest tO you. Harry Corser has , beeo!ne grand. sachem of the Comanches ; - all-Ahe. youth of the tribe receive free tuition in Conic Sections and Darwin's the ory of evolution. " Will Lane, Corser's .former com panion in maietnatical research . , has won great fame by a bk, entitled, ' The Eccentricities of. Woman and the Eccentricities of the Ellipse and, , Hyperbola compared.' :- -" :Tay Codling went'as a mission ary to Borneo, having . made one con vert before starting She:teaches the young heathen 1107 to scan :Virgil, while the early convere:cmentioned above - discourses upon more serious topics. " Hattie Walker was fprany years matron of a deaf a'f4Wrab asylum, located at Uperni,%:,(l - rimiland. By her extraordinary powers she captivated one -of the 'inmate—Joh annes biretsvinstine by name—,walk ed off with him;.and launching her boat,upon the' Polar sea, renewed the search for Sir John Franklin. "S. C. Johnston became a hard- shell Baptist minister. Having at first no settled 'charge, he traveled as a colporteut -in New Mexico, but, finally returned to Bradford county and resumed his favorite study,—; mathematics. He denies the exis tence of obtuse angles, doubts that of acute, angles, but knows experimen tally the right angle. -" .. John Morrow 'went throw+ col lege, studied law, and is now'prose cuting- attorney'at San Salvador. His last case was an indictment of an islander for presumitg to walk in,,the steps of Columbus.' , .. ",Winnie Divies'irent to London University, and employed. her leisure time in memorizing the British cyclopedia. This task was completed on the fifteenth clay, at 31'. 31. Du, ring her first - Vacation visited Glanmorghaushire, becaMe enamored of a miner, and took him foebetter or 'for worse. • " Carrie Long was, teacher of vocal and instrumental musk in Terra Del ' Fuego, but has now returned. She wears alook of settled melancholy, —longing., it is said, for a Chilian brave never to be hers. -\ ;V1 'll,)‘ Lr ' t. I lkst "John Lynch, having for many years led a roving life, entered the army. His warlike merit, was soon recognized, and in consequence .of successive promotions, he has note attaiiied position of corporal.' , "Clayton Osborn in early life gave manifest tokens of genius. The punk ty of his diction, his impassioned oratory, and ',:above _all, his smile, calm and persnasive, raised him to an eminence to which feiv can aspire. Still he is seen but little,: since he, travels almost isyrinterruptedly in the interior of chimneys. - , • "James Gates is a china rider in Anions. The length of his circuit is two miles, and:extenda from his own abode to thitiof the , nearest , family. Unimpeded, by wintry storms' or su - inmei blasts, he travels this circuit daily. His exhortations•are,said to be long and earnest. - "Alexander Stewart came to a de plorable end. Early in life-he -con tracted matrimony ;, after many fam ily jars (of various shapes and Sizes) -had been hurled at his mioffending head, he endeavored to praure a di vorce on the "ground of incompati bility of fcmper. Being unsuccessful, he resorted to thefirstmode of "an nulling 'the marriage tie; and found' rest atlast in the.silent waterkof the Susquehanna, - . • • ‘‘. Jennie-Hale has long bewithe proprietress of a store in Wysox} at, which anythilir can be boughtrfor five cents. BelieVing. that - the five senses should be in constant,use, she has taken this meank.of acceinplish ing her objeet. " Anna Thomas, 'abandoning' the study - Of:. iffirsic, which she had for merly while of the Wyalusing Mutual Musical Alliance, becameia lessinaker. in this pro fession she sheceded, and., was secured. by one Snooks, ail' efficient otlici:r of the law. -"Engene Underhill soon gave' up. the 'ministry and returnel to Merry= all. There. he put into operation a system of water-works, modeled:upon a plan with which he had become ac quainted in earlier year.S. " James Wilson ..became an expert . . performer upon-the violin, trombone and jewsharp. lie now plays plain tive ditties on - : dulcimer of a than sand strings. • " Belle Hillis was :a, Schoolma'ank for forty-seven .consecutive Her great success was mainly ilup . to Sher ability id applying both moral and physical suasion. " Freddie Fox graduated at 8.-ars sar, continued her , study of language in Germany, but suddenly ceased/at. the request of the Prince of ewingen. / "Emma Welles , now 31r5.,-.T.ohu Smith, of Texas,_liVes upon a I:Urge cattle ranch. Her ()pier half' man-, ages tl .s mik and slO manages him. "' . assed. an iforhense. forte e digging b 1(1 in Australia. Thet a he moved to Van Diethati-N Land, of which he is Governor ten era]. William V. Duggan, having grad 'l:AC(l at Vienna, began the practice of Medicine in 'Alaska. He has be come a. coldttloodea' pfactitioner, and never yields - to' blubber. " .Anita Durand graduated in 'SI,, traveled for some - time in Europe, antl now lives in Paris. -Her house is a resort of the most brilliant society of the French metropolis. " Frank Camp adhered to his Dem ocratic principles. After repeated' efforts, he secured the nomination for town clerk. Uncle' , Sammy's barrel being inaccesslble, he was defea.ta, and is now the rival of the aforesaid SamMy J. for the title of the "Great Defrauded." ,z= " Anna Hickinsou,ldng since dead, has a worthy \' successor in Helen POwell, who las already surpassed her predecessor, having rejected three hundred and sixtynine offers of mat .rimony.. Strange as it may geem,: she prefers a life of blessed singleness.'" Here- the Chieftain• became silent Glaneing.up from my hastily-penned sheet, I , observed impressed up ! %- marble half • Sinke look, half stern, half sad, which liair si„,oVized his first appearancle: tiopingtiilearn mors I addressed him : "'bread . Spirit, hi: Litfnot permitted to . Onfold yet further the stoV - Of theluture More would you know?" was the sepulchral response " But see! The hour of twelve approaChes when the spirits of German warriors nightly. meet upon the dark. ridges of -Jura." Awed •by the, majestic presence; and-feeling mortal sympathy for this wanderer through the centuriesi I gazed at - the fast vanishing figure, dtecalling myself to earthly, things, I found that my fire ,bad long, since died away upon the hearth: The tale was ended. • THE HERITAGE OF CULTURE Oration- - hy s: Cr..lonN , Tox, at the. Quathi Ce nt ctrl/ Extncigre "ftl the ,Susliceltrinfoi el ) l tate in edited. , Sept.,., The nineteenth century possesses a valuable legacy. The splendid cul ture which beautifies modern -civili zation has been transmitted by pre cding ages. They have been the masons employed by, the rchitect'of the UniVerse preparing the struc ture., of modern excellence. Each century with, its chisel and plumb .line has placed' its polished stones-in this edifice. Ancient Medimval-and Modern times have liberally contri buted- to the Heritage of Culture. The massive grandeur of Egypt„the chastity of Grecian refinement,,it r he commercial of Carthage and' the triumphs of Imperial Rome liaye hrough all the ages had a controlling influence in . the .development (3tscfr ence,Nt, commerce and political organizatibns. The pyramids and, colossal-temples- of Egypt are'perpe tuities ofher.arehitectural eminence, The great pyramid is tin inheritance' of .superior worth to - the schola and a•wonder - to the. world. Ve4rabley and majestic, it presents antiquity-to. a modern world. The obelisks cola,:. memorate the achievements - of a Ses ostris Or a Rameses. The hiero.- glyphics upon the walls , of tomb's. and- temples give vivid accounts of the daily occupitions of the Egyp: tians:• Thus Egypt, the mummy of the East, contributes to modern pro gress. Athens, the intellectual splendor of ancient cities, and 'the model in art, has given to the world, SI,OO per Annum In Advance. . . •.• an_ inexl:tible mine of culture: With her ~ tehless orators, her wise statesmen,her profound philosoPhers, her sculptors and her poets, she rear, ed an empire. never to: be idestroyed. She produced- a - Solon to lay the' foundation of free. ,:legislation ' • she disciplined an Alexander to bring the iintutored orient under the' do minion of refinement ;., she furnished a Socrates, • whose sayings have been• tile food , for anciefit and modern schools ; she sent forth Demosthenes, the paragon a °rater's.' Palestine, the theatre of the most sublime events bf history, has adorned civilization with precious and beautiful gifts. The poetry of David possesses :a rich ness and depth of thought that stirs the 'soul with h - holy enthusiasm. The 4 . sacred lyrics of, this greal, aid poet p have enriched—e Very for, of ChriAtian worship. • ",Praise ye the Lord" was his.grand thane: Solo mon "speaketh excellent thin 3, rrs." nis , writings contain :gems of thought which are ornaments of grace to lit erature. • The rhetorical figures of Job and the imagery of the prophets are -unexcelled by modern" writers. But Palestine has a:nobler part to perfoina in 'refining pankind. The Star of Bethlehem rises;. the Light. .. 1 , of the. World appears) the serrnon on 'the Mount `goes f0rth...40 Chrisf , tianize the world. To,the Decalogue received amid the thundorings o 1 Sinai, is lie* added the command ment of Love. The •disciples are commissioned, Calvary triumphs, and the world receives its most. precious gift. • . ;Yotiee the advgneement in culture since the timeof QiniuCer,the."fatheri English liteAture." Spenser, Shikespeare, Miltoni,and the whole illustrious . .poetfi bave robed litefatere in a garment of brilliant gems. How rapidly.has the science of- mathematics advanced ,'since the time 3v , ..ben the geometrical ( principles of Ilog,ci Bacon:were taken for witch .craft-,...,---Whai one ot-the last six cen, Ludes . has not: contributed liberally to this - grand - result ?. gave riseto those nowinneient of Europe, in which the• heaits and intellects of . hatious have been form ed." Another gave the great Italian sculptors and-painters, Leonardo da Vinei,.Michael Anglo' and Raphael. Another gave the Mariners compass, and incited Gutenberg and his - asso .ciate to, studytheirnio'vable blocks, until: a printing,py' esis;-went forth to - trinsforni the *prld, a r `nd lastly near- Lly doubled the terrestrial inheritance of civaiied man. Another gave-en , perniens and a ceriect planetarium of the. solar system. The.Beforniatlon , with its Luthefs, and-a:Wakened:the world- to a new life of r thouffht and action. Another disclosed g the ad vantacres of conimereo, tke_ import ancec7f discovery, and began its war fate against the dogmas Of despotic government. .Annther.gave Newton's law ofgravitation. --"Jt_furnished the telescope, to, direct the Colunibus of tlitheavens in his voyage among the stars. It announced . the Declaration ofAtuerican ',lndependence, and „gate birth : to Our"own glorious Union. • is constantly •making 'wonderful contributions to . ,humah culture in every form and , in every.lepartment. What will be ac tcoinplished -in ':the next .century ? What in'the nest? Who doubts that. the Golden-Age has-come? ''The_ stream Of history is ftowidg on to doripus consummation." Si the= student, the noble - characters that hate come down to him through the annals of history are ,objects of ad miration and Grecian youths ; tang* heTroistn hearin! rds, recount, the pat- riotism the Tre be ins of deities, fickleAti purpose igti,l sub- . jeet to ignoble passions , what Alen gth l i and virtue the stt 'dent Of to-day may receive • by: studying the illustrious. characters revealed in the history of . Culture Culture is the'grandest in . -hOi*nee of the ages. It enricheS the .mind- and:refines,the soul ; . it is the •pleitstire 'Youth and the com fort of old age ‘ ; it unites mankind in. fraternal love. If . .prosperity fail, if adversity. humiliate, if ive rite robbed of, our birthright,:iliberty and inde pendence, , let us not part wittethat which underlies our institutions, and .is more .valuable•thau all our posses sions—our, Heritage of Culture, de 7 scended to uilp, , am bygone•times. . Two'emincht members of the Irish bar, Doyle andAelvettor, quarreled one day so violently that-from words they came to blows.: Doyle, the more poWerful man of the two, knocked down his.adversary,_ex claiming most schemently,'" Yon scoun drel. I'll make you belfave-yourself like a gentleman." -Tif which Yelverton, answered with equal indignation, "No,. sir, never ,;.• • I defy You !. I defy you! •Yotti can't dt? iti" IT appear?, that 5 . 00 laurel wreaths And several thousand violet biniquets for the Prince Iniperhit'S funeral were mad& factured'. at, Munich, neither Paris nor London 'artifickittlower makers being able to,undertaketlitrivork in:the time allowed. 4,000 persons are, ernplciAd id that indus try by . :31 factories in Munich. Inv. - Prince- do Join Ville brought .home from one.of his veyage'S the entire cos tumdi_or a queen of' Zanzibar. It was contained in a box. twice as large as his hpiid.The ladies of the" royal family of . totiiS Philippe at the Tuileries crowded around to see, the contents of. the box, and were quite shocked to find when it was opened . only a pair of carrings,:and a pair of sandals ! A PIiETTY incident occarred at Lefton:. on, Out., the- other Sunday. Into the Metluidist. Church flew." , a robin daring service. Peiching on a rail opposite .the pulpit. it -mug- hiudly- when the peOple, sang, `was E ' iilent daring prayer, - but while the .rninister . preached it chirped otcasionallybas i lf .to encourage him. It lemained until the congregation um formerly dismithu,d and then tlew Pounifss of Erie.-Pounty • are- being overrun witti worms j of a'uew variety that have lately' put in appearence.' They are of a brownisli - color resembling "the thousand r legged ? worm,' but smaller in .size and of a different color.' The worm invades private, houses, , bains, Pnoratarertmteponges by cutting the live ones into small pieces, attach ing.theM to lumps of rock and sinking them to proper depths .in-suitable places is proposed by a ProfessOr Schiddt. He thinks in three days they will be marketable and yield a handsomo.ltrotlt. • ' • i‘ 4 • NoTtroja - lnow remains to be. done to the Cologne Cathedral bitt to place the massive ,stone caps of the two great towers and' flirt the have crosses that surmodut the whole. ' But this is all v : pry difficult and ilangereus.work; , • rum Licrr Ain ham- - A WALKOWMATCHCSIVIIIIII#II4IOiIi' calves. ' Evan* man has his prejoileavar4 - every Woman her.bias. \ Ost • hundred and five pounds is 'the weight of &champion Floricia waterrieloo. No srarinn how ranch a candidate Itches - foi office, bd..o - e)fer Likes to be , . No reoutommt of passion destroys the spiritual nature as much as respectable selfishness. • You cannot dream yourself taxis char acter you must hammer sad forge your self one.—Prosefe. EIGTiTEES are sand people' treat to 'Pittsburg in one day ,op esmyuskin trains to visit the experiltitra. 7 • e TNEr.ve sisters took LSb black veil at Williamsport, Friday, - under the direo• Con of Bishop O'Hara. - f !MEN show their chiricter in - nothing More clearly than by what they think liiiighable..—Gothe.- • LEOPAILD never changes his spats. A mosquito does, however.. It will settle in a new spot everrtive seconds, and sing al the time it is changing. NUMBER 214. "." WIZEN - I was, a boy," said a prosy, long-winded orator in Media to a friend, " I used to talk in , my sleep." 4 ` And now," said his friend, "you sleep In your talk." • • , WILLIAM AVM:SSTS icr sleepy room mate : ."Chine, , John Henry, why don't you get up with the lark, as I do?" John Henry, grimly: "Been up with him all night." TnE worst ease of selfishness on record is that of a, youth who coMplained' be cause his mother pat - a. larger mustard plaster on his younger brother thaiethe did on him.- "Woxax a delusion, madam," ex claimed a Crusty' old bachelor to a witty young lady. "And man is always hug ging some delusion or other," was the quick retort. The time has mme when wears again compelled to change our underahlrt.-Dancilta Intelligencer. Your conscience would be easier if you were Ao change youi politics, also. • "I NEVER argy agin a sueces. When I - see a rattlesnaik'whead sticking out of a hole,l bear off to the left and say to mi self that hole 'belongs to that . snaikl , 'Josh Bitting', LAwvEirtEs.urrz, of St. Louis is in variably polite. A-long and terrific roll: of thuMmi_gtopped him in an address to a jury, aid - in resuming he said : "Gen- . tlemen, pray excuse this interruption.;fr ides, or the valor of s ;- or, if they could' irtue by. the oracles M.4ItRIED three times and but seven- ' teen years of age is the_ history'of a Mrs. „ Rhodesz..now confined at the New Hanqa s , A ,.. shire Reform Scheid. - "She was seistence-d— -on complaint of her husband fot:llisorder.. , -' ly conduct. . 4 . ‘ On !" said_the a ffl icted wife, weeping over histliody, "he said he Would take off his flannel anyway,, and, poor man, hp lit tle thought bow soon he would go to that place Where flannels are never needed.". "No," said the ; Texas lawyer; as he -placed a couple of 'loaded Derringers on he table before him, "the fact that the witness its a desperate man will not deter tife-frorrnsking him such questions as_ I may deem proper." , A BOSTON officer possesses two Canary • • birds" and half a dozen crickets over, the • hearth— Of late the birds have been at- - tempting to imitatethe song of the crick- - ets aud.succed admirably, seldom retun ing to their own mode of singfhg. " AnE - you aware. that yott breathe eighteen times a minute, and three' hous and cubic feet, or about...three hundred - and -seveutptive hogsheads per hour.'" „ What a territip question to propound.to a person whO Las been eating onions. Now polities are wuxlng want,' In the'glow of Inkian Summer, - And freely Sows the foaming harm, , •Tis the harvest of the bummer - But when November.blasts shall h . ,leirNoe: • And the brightekt n pizsrets s. Shall vanish likeWw.lutur's snow, • The rotolbunimei he - slighted - r A WOMAN appeared in The Court, or Louisville to be "appointed, guardian. for her child, when the folaming colloquy en- . sued : " What estate his your -child ?" "Plaza, your honor, I cfon't understand you." Judge - --" I , say; 2‘what has-.she gut?" "Chills and • fever,'-plai.e your , honor." . TILE Danbury News says that at a party on Nelson street, the, other evening, the conversation appeared to -be dying out, when:a bilious man suddenly •observed to a young lady on his right, "4 don't think they nrakttppills as large as they used.". - After that the conversation went on again ; __ ' A RULE of the Illinois Central Railroad provide at dogs:shall not ride th'..a pas senger car; but a big and ferocious bull dog walked into a car at Chicago, and ap propriated a whole seat, and rode three . Itundredmiless unmolested. "He had such a meaning smile," was 'the-conduc tor's 'apology- for not ejecting him. - A ' GEORGIA, -.colinid debating' Society. 'was lately discussing : " Which is best fsti laborinemen, to work fav,.....wages or , part of the crop?" •An old . `!-uncle "- .poke the sense of the meeting when, he said.: " Befoo was the best; of they could Only be brung togedder somehow."... A NINETY-FOUR and five-eights-carat di amond found recently at Mederk's Bush, in the South African diamond field, was • scild on the spot for $35,000. The same "digger " to,whoselet this rare find felt . ,unearthed about _the same-tune a fine stone of twenty,sii carats, and another of ten and three-fwirths carats, besides. - several smaller gents. • • • • • OLn 3rl:.llazleet, of Oregon, thought he was going to die, and in order that his :heirs should have nothing to quarrel over he burned. $22,00:1 in Eueenbacks. lle didn't die after all, and4ow. when the heirs see hith sawing wood to earn his 'bread they naturally think that they ° are ahead of him. • 4, 3. " D ozi* T•you know," remarked a rath er fast Newark youth- the other day,to a stuttering friend to whom he was slight ly indebted ; "do you know that I intend to marry, and, settle down?" I do-don't know-anything about it," was the reply, " but brit I think you had - b -b-better stay single and !ettlelup." • . . . . , A COMMinICIAL traveler at Marseilles refused leave toihis maid-serVant . to take _ hit daughter to the .skating.rink;_they did not appear:next morning, and on the bed -room being-Jiurst open, both were • found": suffocated. - A note in gm maid's hand .writing;said : "You shall-no longer have! your daughter; I' tske_ t her to - a better. , world." Their-ages weld twenty-six'atid fourteen. • • THEY - were ccurting. -4 " What makes the stars so dim to-night "?"-she'said, soft-. ly. • " Your_ eyes are so math brighter,." whispered, pressing her lido hand.: They are Married — now. "I wohder how =rnany . telegraph• poles it _would lake to Teach frotH.bere to the Stars," she re marked._musiogly. "One, if it was-long enough," h .growled, "why don't you talk common sense?" AT a fashionable colored - iredifing down.' South the bride was ratheriblacker than - the groom, wlip rivaled* a 'newly-polished shoe. The minister-was a newly-import- ed,Northern preacher of. the Plymouth Hock 'persuasion and a great hewler about negre egality. , lie asked the best Man, after the festival vas over, how the - grooni liked everything., "All buncom- - be, boss ; but he kinder didn't like dat you didn't s'lute de bride." „. a noticeable fact in. natural histo ry that when a man slips on' ati;.icy pave ment he throws his armand-legs tewardr-- - all points of the i*o" mpass, ' frantically struggles to maintain his - dignity, and aims at"twenty different places beiOre he finally Omes•down in extense, as it were; - whereas, a woman gives one Axntvulsive little start, and sinks down in a' 'condensi, ed-heari on the very spot on- which her foot slipped. - •,. - • . "ASIAIiDA, I wish yot‘to 'put the large Ilible in a prominent place on the centre tai and place two or three ,hymn-books 'round on the• - sofas. I have advertised for a young man to board in a " cheerful ,Christian fansilyeand I talon what,. if you girls don't manage, eithet one of you, 'to rake him in, why, I'll never _try. any thing again, for I'm tired / Ont." „ , • Tile heads of every family should cultivate an am bition to own a home of 'their own.—Easton /We Frelff. Undoubtedly woe counseL But then, to a fellow who has, in a printing office, irrigated, harrowed,--.end otherwise agri culturally watched over and - caredior soy erg plump seesl of the ornbiyorts • •teadius species, for the past - quarteeofta, a century, without, as yet,a visible pros-le. , pest of a solitary sprout, your well intend ed : 3 words of admonition 'do "rot seem to- give any very marked., syinistoms of re- . no Wed vigor or inspiration, so tome*.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers