Bradford reporter. (Towanda, Pa.) 1844-1884, October 23, 1879, Image 1

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JOIIN. W. CODDING, -
•. - A I*-L AW, TOW A N DA, PA
Office over 31 ar,on's oill Mut..
TIONIAS E. MYER
ATrOT-N - CY-AT-t.AW,
TOWA.•,:DA, PA
, 1 7 161 - AV C
.ptcK a: OVERTON
A T T . O EYSIA - i:LAW,
TWA'ANDA. PA.
OVF.P.TON,
ODNEY A". laitCtß,
ATTOIINEY
TOWANDA, PA.,
Solleihmof Patents: rartiltilat• attention raid
t 4: hlisiness in the OrphansSourt and to the bottle
:
a 111, 6r rotates.
qitce in iitonianyes Mock
OVERTON & SANDERSON,
ATT. ;RN EY-AT-LAW,
P A.
IMINAME
e. J ESSU
ATTOttNEY AND CiATNSEI.L.R-AT•LAW
4'lN'rP.4)sl:. PA
Jessup ha In re•.nntril the practice of the
law In will al tend to any
lei; Intl ie.tml to tutu in Itrailtur.l county.
eolioilt hmt. tam rah , on 11.
T t.ctreetcr, Towan,u, Pa., T . ! lig, an appointment
eat: `, male
- -
ItENRY AtitEWE'ER,
ATTO:IN EV ,',.l7tiSELLalt-AT-LAW,
TM' A N,ItA, PA
JAMES WOOD,
AN - VA-; I'A.
nic 119 Tr,
T r L. I'o N F.ll, 1 ).,
I I ;NiVoi..y•rviti• ',MY - IC IA 1.51-1:1;EON
t.tt t N s titittitt ttr hr. C;tr
tt tot .`l.t•t. ••• 1, \ lt.t., jtt.tit,-4ttt.
1, 1 L. 1111.1,1
1•
A mot' Y-AT.-LAW
."W AN PA.
ITT 11. 9' il NI - ATTORNEY
_• ST U.U•11 .1 .. VA. NV ak;end
U. - b:1,1•1 • . i;o hi rad ropi,
Counitus. cunt e ellh
lEEE
1 , ,1ii, ; .11! A N ; I). I). S.
• •
4.1' r:1:A Ti yr. AN I) MITIIANE: DENTIN
..:1 or De. 1,,-.Att.'s
FI,STEEE SC,-; SOOT
A Trarl:: EYS-AT-TAW,
TOW AN DA, PA."'
Et.•ifittE. -4 , - ,
KI'SN EY,
U. 7
ATT , !I:tiFY-AT-I.AW
Office—Rooms furnwrly occupied by Y. M, C. A
[!:111.31'75.
Rea,ling•Th.m.
McI'IIERSON,
I!
frOn s;EY7AT•taAW,
:TOW A NDA:P.A..t s.
1,141 "‘r fcb.t
TOIIN W. MIX,
' ATT , YRNEY-AT.rwAW ANDILT. COMMIFSIONF.f
• TOWANDA. PA.
o.tre,= - Nonh Mae Pnt ? lti iquare
CAR''NOCITAN,
ATIMINEYE-AT-LAW,
Sivl7ll SIPE oF \‘'.l)
Den,23-75. ToWAND A. PA,
ANDREW
191
ATTOI:N SLAT-LAW
"tpeo over Turner 4 4 . I;nr4ll,l's
As, •;c4,.
.31:7 ;r ,
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AFT .
O. YOUNG,
• 1
A TTtIo:EY-AT-I. %Nv
TO W A VD A,. PA.
41":, .7"; ,: 4 ••1t,r 1
It
_
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'
"It's a fact.," asserted the yormt.
elm7vmau. (1 011'c . think people
ought to conform(' hypochondria add
religion in this blindfold sort of a
way. She'd a deal better send for
the:- doetor, and leave
. olr scolding
Unit v.-retched. atifipted daughter of
hers. _won't go,---that's settled.
What next Meet Deacon. D :ley
and old Captain llartwifl at the
Fov.iersville Four Corners at half
past 'Me to-morrow? Now I .won
de,sr why peophi can't agree about
their oWn boundary • lines . without
(falling clergyman of the par
ish as umpire between them'?"
" ftssensiou .is. mull a dreadful
thin o: trionF your think, Charles,"
said. hi= mother. •
"So :“-arlet lever. or smallimx,"
said Mr. I . :aryl. rat her curtly , .
all the can't - see how_ l can be
held responsible for eithei• one or the
other. Lea l "
_the mantisCript of
v(ftu last sera ms Dad('
Jut. 1 haven't frri.y. manu
script to read—only. half 'a:- dozen
memorrmfla. 1 preached entireiyex .
temporc,.last Sunday '' ,
" CoUldn't you just write it off
.
from -memory?" said Mrs. Caryl,,pit-.
eously. " The prio7 plfi holy seenti .. .
•-0 anxious. the sermon
impressed. so deeply."l - •
Really, mother-, 1 think .a
i little rinrerasonWe." said' tfiti pastor . .
"Suppose evOy oßllndy in the par
ish were hi require inn to write out
twelve-pagehernoin for her especial
benefit ! Give M a
Miss Ilifts list
..of
hymns fornext Sunday.' • Yes, I'll
flo that—as well as. any time.
' Speak to Mrs. Ti tine's Sarah.' Mrs.
Prtine's Sarah? Wh`o Mrs. Prune's'
sarali ? Anti, what, am Lto speak to
her about. I'd like -to „kno*?" de
manded the younr , -elergyman/ in a
salt of mild desperation;
" Don't you -know ?" explained
Mrs. Caryl. "It's Mrs. Prune -th: , t,
lives down ky-the-steam saw-mill, in
the bigwhite_houSe, with the poplar
trees in front . of it. And it's her
stepdaughter; that'aft'ome home from
the third situation, all on account of
the rilkon4i-tiher hat, and her pride'
in her own :pretty face." -
" And I am ta,speak,--to her, eh ?"
N. N. BETTS, Cashier.
said the younft'fiastor.•
JOS. POWELL, President.
.Aril 1, IST " Yes ; you are to, speak to her,"
4„;1:,-P;FX'S OYSTER BAY AND said his mother. •
1. 3.I.II:RoPEAN JIOUSE.—A few doors southof: ".1. Shall do nothing of the' sort,"
!foamd by the day or week on
?Me terms. warns cl
meals served at all hours. deared Mr. Caryl, with 'soine cm
.),,t(.." at whole.iite and retail. .
phasis. . •
TIiedr."NTRALIIOTET4'" But..you must, Charles!" .pleaded
ULSTER, PA. the old It's in the line •of
undersigned baying taken possession
or the above hotel, respeetfully solicits the patron- ! t fat • " •
your regti.ar (
eg: of Ids old friends and - the-public generally. I Mr. Caryl- hesitmed, and wrinkled
FORREST. I
; his brow lif sore perplexity.
$
flnlaiii of and expenses guaranteed to Agents. 1
"
I 1 free. SHAW & AuguXa, Maine ,Do yfon think so ?" said he..
A TrOZ: s I.Y ••11.7'-LAW
)FFIC o, 111.1i1 by N%'-rn. Watl.lns
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VILIANT,
(0r1.,1 , 7;'77)
M A ...`; \V ELL,
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ATT‘W.N%Y.AI . -LAW.
T,OW.l;ci)., PA.
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MTM. S. VINC-ENT,
GE•;rltAl,
INSURACE AaEsT,
.1;0) 31, 3579. Ti 'WAN P 1
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AAT - B. 1: 'Z. I, I .A". DEN llST.—Ottlee
TV • over E. 141.:14175. pa.
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111 . .77 Towanila. Pa.
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INSURAN.C.E AGENCY
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F IRSTNA - NONAI, BANK.
TOW A ); 1) A . l'A
',PITAT, PAID IN
flank offer.. nnnsaal fotibe_trans
At a general banking business.
GOODRICH &.HITCHCOCK. Publishers.
1/OL - Mit XL.
• 4 ep 25,"79
She Inherits Lariii.4 treasures, •
She Is bolt to all his fame, • •
Ktid the light - that lightens round her
Is the hultre of his . uamO.
, r • She I/ wise with all his wisdom, •
' , v"= Liviog on his grace She stands:
Vir her brow she bears his laurels,
And his harvest hr her hands. .
itEcR
May I, 79
.ioU F. fsANnnitsyx
:'The Minister's Mistake.
Saturilly Nfglit
The sunset- Was painting all the
forest-paths'?.witlgold ; The mosss+.
holes of the trees . glowed in ,the
level light, al ? if 'they' had besn,Carv
ed out of glitterldg Isrune,. and the
scailet vines along- - the stou4rWall
.-cau!dit, new splendor from thci last,
'ray', while the Al'very-white fringe
.of the wild elt*ifis swung from the
dead thorn-hr4es,: and here and
th , •rc a. bird, perched high up against
the deep, vivid blue of the heavens,
ut,tvi ed the clear, vesper hole;
1 and Mr. --Caryl, walking t- home
through the Westbrook woods,
thought whatka bcatiliful. world this
was that God had made.
3lr. Caiyl Was ()lily four and - twen-
Ly, and had been in the Westbrciok.,4.
parish for. three •months. - Not' long,
but long enough to discern, - by the•
[
testimony of his gown exiTrienee,
that tht?rerwere thorns, as well as,
roses ; in a_country . pastor's life.
anti
I
had seemed so beautiful
ideal, when he looked at it, through
the medium of his fancy, standing
the threshold of the Theolo g Feal
Seminary. It was beautiful still;
but the'ideality had all gone t out of
L.-kI.SETLEF". I it. •
BRE
WM
- 4)% ,I-7,
[1 o% 19-74
His mother Met him on the door
step orthe parsonage - --a brisk, i3pee
ta4ed little dame, in a turned black
sill, with frills of neatly-dartied lace,
and violet ribbons in lier - Eap.
" Well, Charles;' she said, lieeri
-1t" hoe's a whole 'slateful of t: calli
tor you." • •
Cryl's eatintA;nanCe rather fell. ,
He had beeP anticipating an evening,,
by the wood-fire; with the last niiiu
her of Blackwor's. Magazine - .
;• • " - Calls?" be 'epeacil `• What are,
.
ales , ? and where they ?"
went into the little }parlor as
,? s he spoke—the parlor where the co'V
eta.' .wood-fire was leaping and flash
the bright and-irons, and a
shadrtr-lamp w;ts already burning on
the table amag his piled-up books
and pipers—and took up the little
slate.
The widow Corsett," he read ;
aainfr, .5 do -r4ice: "That woman
again ! - She has died - once a week,
regularly, ever since 1 . have beeil ;in
Westbrook.' • •
":Charles !"
.mildly reproved his
.Tan. 1, 1.874.
OCl=ffi3
$125.000.
athooo
C•~il~l.
9 .Y ~ K .
THE PRESENT
Do not crouch to dry and worship
The old Past, whosylfe is fled;
Hush your lotee to tender reverence;
Crowned no lies, but colt and dead ;
'For the Present rr.lgris our monarch, •
With anmided Weight of hours;
lionorier, for she Is' mighty I
Honor her, fur-she-Is ours!
See the shadows r,f his heroes.
Cirt around her cloudy throne ;,
Every day the ranks are 'strengthened
By great hearts to ithn unknown ;
Noble things the great - Vast promised,
Holy things both strange and new;
lint the Present shall fulfill them,
What he promised she shall do.
Coward, ran !dui reign and conquer
If we thits her giorYdino -
Let us fight for her as nobly
As our fathers fought for
God, who crowns the dying ages,
Inds he r rule and us obey- 7 ,
uh cast our Rees la-fore her,
Rids us serve the great To-day.
, —Ad, la hie S nue Proctor.
‘Sel eried 07 ale.
c!. I
"I'm sure of it 1" declared 'the old
lady. • -
• . . , •-..,
ConicientiousneSs 'was 'one of. the
Strong points of Mr. Caryl's charac.
ter. He took up his hat.
"If it's got to- be done," said ° he,
desperately, "the sooner the better!!'
" But you'll stop for your tea first,
Charles ?" urged Mrs. Caryl. " Hot
corn-bread and strawberry jam."
"I'll stop for nothing !" said - Mr.
Caryl., " Don't fret, little mother; it
'won't take me - long to speak LO
Sarah." - •
._,, _
And he-disappeared, with a laugh.
it happened, he never before had
been called. upon to pract'e this par
ticular branch of hisprofession,*a&
ing with the rebel lions lambs of - his
floCk who thought more'of.their bright
eyes than they did of 'their. hymn
books ; and he turned the matter over
in his mind 'as he , walked along the
frosty .woodland path, where the
young. moon cast a fitful; evanescent
light, and the dead leaves sent up a
faint odor beneath his feet,
"Speak -to Sarah," he mattered to
himself, not without a Certain precep.
Lion of the ridiculous side co; the mat
ter. '" And what Lam to say to her,.
I wonder ?"
He knocked softly at the big front
door on tiutPrunemansion. A shuffl
ing, untidy girl of fourteen or fifteen
opened it o hiding it, hiding behind a
fringe' of curl-papers.
•:" Is Mrs: . Prune
.at home?" said
he.
" No, she ain't," - retorted the Arl.
Mr. Caryl {Jail : Sec!. -= He scarcely knew
what question to ask nest..
"Is Sarah at home?"; he demAd-
Lid; after a-little.
"Miss Sarah
,
" Well. I suppose it can hardly be
Sarah," said the young clergy
man, half smilingly. • "A - es,. Miss
Sarah of course." . -
"She's tit home," said the girlotn
graciously, opening the door.a little
wider.. "Caine this afternoon. Set-i
tin' in,tif'e parlor. Walk in pleat g."
'And without:- further ceremoty,
Air. Caryl .found himself ushded
intOrt;-emi-dark apartment, where a
taill,entler young beauty of eigh
teen summers -or so, at before the
black dress, with the
i , f - oplegrof cuffs anti collars, and a'
pale glue ribl;in fastened into
. the dprk braids of her hair—a
perzi'On- solhit i rely different from what
he hail expected to see that he stop
ped short in some perplexity.
." Ia this,--ahem ?" he ask
ed.
" I am Sarah Fielding," she re
sponded. •
" I•have.calledto spe \ ak to you,"
Said he, R witlya desperate rallying of
his verbal forces. " l'erhaps Sarah,
You may not know who I am-!"
" No, I don't," said the .girl, in
some surprise:.:
'" I am Mr. Ca'ryl, the pastor of the
parish."
. .
"1 am happy to make your ac
. quaintanee,7 said the girl, puttin , , -
out one slim hand, 41 the easiest pos
sible manner.
The,, - pastor hesitated. This was
not what he looked for at'all.„
"Of course—of course," said , he.
" But ,kow,.does---it liapPen, Sarah,
that S•ou are at - home?' again so
Soon?" •
" Po you mean at Westbrook?"
"4 -11 "Whcre else shouldq inean;?" re
torted Mr. Caryl, erustfly4:tur he
felt_ that if he once auala.tliined big'
tone of authority he was loSt. " Why
(Wu% you stay where you were?"
Sarah colored up to the roots_of
the hair. T lie could preeeive that;
even in the uncertain rise and fall ot.
the Wight.-
" I did not like the poSition,". said
she in a :ow voice
‘lltit you ought to like it," said
r.
" ron arc not aware.tl all the dr
eumstanees,"Jleaded S trali. r
" I am quite aware," said Mrs.
Caryl 4yerely, -% that vanity is the
toot of all your evils !"
" Vanity?"
The crimson was deeper thim ever
now, on brow and temple, as she half
ro'€
" Yes vanity !" impressively reiter
ated the clergyman. "Be silent if
you please'. young woman, and hear
nine out. You have a certain-amount
of personal attractions, which appear
to lito4V,urned your head. Itemem
bersthaf beauty is. but skin deep. Call
tO mind frequently the ancient adage,
'Handsome is Oita handgome does.'
After all, you are neither Mary
Queen of Scots nor Cleopatra. Now,
take mY advice, Sarah—"
• But I Rave not asked for it,7' she
cried out, in .e.hoked accents. .
No matter whether you have or
not." ,said carlyl, , calmly. "It is
my mission -to volunteer good coun
seal, anti yours to receive it. I, repeat,
Stuati,*takt• my advice, and go back
to your last phige. 'Apdlogize hum :
lily for your shortcominf4s; tell the
.woman of the • house' that you will,
. strive to amend your conduct for the
future, and endeavor ,tcrideserKe her
. ,
approval, Put, alvay your silly rib
bon bows and brooches "—with a
stern glance , at a poor,,..little agate
breast-pin that glistened at the girl's
throat—`' and have the vain acces
sories of dress to yotir betters, always
remembering that the ornament of a
meet: and quiet spiritr-- 1 " .'
Bkit just at this 'point the young
'clergyman's oration was abruptly
checked by the entrance of Mrs.
Prairie herself; shf,j,wled amitorineted,
and`breathing. fast, 'from the haste
( I
. she had made. ,In dine. and she held
a prodigious cotton u brella : with
the other she dragg forward the
untidy damsel of the shawl and earl
papers.
" Here she Mr:Caryl—)lere she
is !" bawled. Airs. Prone, who did
not possTs`flkt most ekt!ellent thing
iii woman,'" a low and gentlo vocie."
. '"A lazy : n ''croxid-tor-nothing. stuck-up,
, vain minx' as `
_needn't.suppose Pm
going to do for her no longer! You
needn't hang back, Sarah ; . it ain't
no good i Here. she is, Mr. Caryl ='
here'i Sarah'!" ' ' •
The young pastor stared in aman
ment.-
" Is that Sarah ?" aid lie.
"That's Sarah," panted Mrs. Prime.
"And who's this?" he- demanded,
turning to the slim, dark-eyed girl,
with the blue 'ribbon and the agate
brooch. ' -
"'That's my -niece, Sallie Fielding,
TOWANDA, BRADFORD' ,COITNTY, PI, THURSDAY MORNING, OCTOBERS 23. 1879.
as has been governess to .a family.
up in Maine for three years," said
Mrs. Prune. "And she's down here
on a visit now--came this very after
noon. Hain't you, been introduced
yet? Mr. Caryl, my niece Sallie
Sal I i this - ere's:—.”
But . before she could 'finlsh•lhe
- words of ~her formal introduction,
the clergyman had made a nervous
grasp at his hat.
" I—l have beewile victim of a
misunderstanOing,,"? stammered -.he.
"Afkis young perso'n told me.that she
was Sarah."
"So, .she is," said ~Mrs, Prune.'
" But .she ain't the Sarah as is to be
spokeff to." • - . , • •
"I beg a thousand- pardons," said
Mr. Caryl, feeling the cold. sweat :
drip from every-pore.
Miss Fielding burst out laughing:'
"They are cheerfully granted,"
said she. "Sp, don't go. away, Mr,
Caryl," holding • out her hand.as he
was turning
. to
. .depart.' , . "I have
learned'that you possess •:it leist the
virttie - of frankness: Shall* we not
be friends ?"
And Mr. Caryl looked into the
ark-blue eyes, and said
46 y' es /l
He forgot all about the hot corn
bread and straWberry-jam at home,
And stayed to-. tea at,Mrs. Prune's,
while the light, Sarah escaped_ the in
tended lecture, and the wrong,Sarah
presided, in a most graceful and .win
ning- manner, behind the cups and
saucers ; and old Mrs. Caryl laughed
heartily when her son explained the
curious rencontre to her, later in the
evening._
"But why did' she leave het' situa
titmthe -wrong Sarah; I mean ?"
said she. .
"Because the young heir of the
Mouse made love .to her," said Mr.
Caryl ; "and I don't wondei, at it.
She's the! prettiest little creature I
ever saw in my life."
‘.yerlmps diem" said Mrs. Caryl,
(loubtfaily, "your ;Udviee wasn't so
'yen- mai amiss utter all."
Certainly it was," said Mr. Caryl,
with spirit.
The old lady looked sharply at
him.
"Charles," said she, "I do believe
yotere . ::trtiek ivith het"
." Nonsense !"said Mr. Caryl; !,yrn-
ing red. ; -
But, jug three months later, when
the iwion was full, and sleighing
parties en ! rile; Mr. Caryl brought
Miss Fielding home from sincr°ing
hool, in his new cutter, and told
her a secret on the way—that he
loved her.
Awl so the, wrong Sarah was the
Fight Sarah, after all. :
• HE WAS ONO' BLurriso.Txvo of
our sporting fraternity, whom we will
Call Smith , and Jones, recently lie
came engaged in a came of poker
with a big, raw-boned; green-looking
stranger, and, as sometimes will hap
pen when professionals arc playing,
- the stranger found himself looking at
four queens, While Smith had four
king - s - and Jones calmly regarded four
aces—the best, hand. The bettiit
was pretty lively, and finally the
stranger called for a "sight,?' as all
his, money was up, and said he had
four queens.
S.nitlx said, "No good—l've got
four kings."
" The thunder you have!" yelled
the stranger, and let fly his right fist,
about the size:of a peck of walnuts,
plumb: between Smith's eyes, knock
across the. room.
i°Wt at Kave you got r' sneered
'the stranger to Jones. - , •
With . a glance at that big, fist,
Jones . hastened to reply: "Oh, 1
haven't got anything, J was only
bluffing," and the stranger raked in
the " potar and as lie departed, mut
tered: !'"Y4u;can7t ring in any cold
decks online!"
A Seniors dus•micLe.--LA young
had conceived a violent passion for a
neighboring.';FmulattreOsand taking
her one night behind him on !in old
farm mule set out for Georgetown to
have the ceremony of marriage cele
brated.,ll4Viti=endeavoring to navi
g'ittg'"'ir mud-bole on the Georaetown•
;` milk apparently lost his
power of-h)coniotion, and the darkey
got down to eiamine into•the' cause
of it. — l7nfuttutitely. got too'
close t -- o"rhe'animal'Sliind legs, and
tin. unexpected convulsion of the
extretilitiei:shot .him out of
.
the side of the rOad with • a violence
F which resembled'the discharge of a
cannon bait.
" What's ile indtter,?". ihquifed Abe
prospective bride, listonielied at these
hurried movements.
" Matter ! Mar's peep de matter
Dis weddin' aitit a comin' off!"
" What's dc - ateason it ain't?"
• Dar's reason 'nufr-,;.-clut mule got
suintin de matter wid his hind legs,
and l'se got sumlin de .matter wid
miry Stomach—and . data reason 'mar
to stop a weadi_4%"
And it did../-_,:.-Itcycer
‘ - ‘1"110 RULE TILE WORLD?—We
have left Chicago and' are. nhirlin
along toward Burlington. I ao out
into the dining car .tri eat. 1 1 ' comir
back and lo! a family , has "sqnat-.
ted "tin. my seat— I am inclined to
get on mad, and 1 think, indeed, I
do Make a pretty good startot 1
jerk my overcoat angrily. away from
the iecumbent shoulders.of the hon 7
est biz.not, stylish agriculturist who
has,.maile a mattress of it -and glare
Savagely down, at a...little bundle of
blue and' white baggage that. •these
people have piled ..upon my seat.
And 101 while I gfire, a • tiny, dim
pled hand peeps out of the folds .of
the blue cloak, with dinty nails, tint
ed like a shell; a flossy little halo of
silky hair, white lids closed over the
blue eye's, longiashes that fringe the
white the baby IS welcome
to all the seat. Who can keep cross
at the baby ? ' Poor little dot, it will
have to fight toe its privileges after
awhile.—Burlington Hawkeye. - •
NV AS Ili Wr.LL '
A new baby had recently arrived In the house,
And he who was baby before,
Was so much elated by the eirent,* ' .
That he constantly hung 'roundthe •
Till, a: lad, they let bltu.into the ruiain,,` .
When baby lay erepped Inilantelsisneft,
'then slipping up close to the new one be 'biped,
" Say. 'lttle feller, how was Lod when oo left !"
• —Lampfun
. '1 . 2.,'„111i \ I t:
: !,.„.._ ,t 1 L.
t
-'' (I I,
REOLAPLESOMP DENtrNOLivoN FROM ANY QUARTER
_.*:_..........,),
r
_ , ii i
'-• --- '
ium,OOBREOTI OUT - BROTHER DE-'
`I3TROYED HIS lIBEITFLITEBB.
Adeaconof a prominent Connecti
cut chureNwhose pastor bad just re
signed,' says- the Hartford Courant,
recently meta Hartford divine, when
the followieg.crnversation ensiled :
"1 Ne,es sorry to hear that Brother
Blank had resigned. I have always
liked hint 'He is regarded as a very
able trfanOsn't he?"
.." W-e 14, • y-e-s," (hesitatingly).
" Oh , . ye-es he's an able man."
" But he is a first-rate preacher,
isn't he ?"
"W-e•1-I, y-e=s, he's a very good
preacher."
" And he is a man of the highest
Christian character; so we have al
ways thought here."
" W-e-l-1, ye-es. Oh, yes, 'he's a
good Christian."
" Britltieret m'rfst, be someting the
matter,deacritrWhy doyou hesitate
so and say, ye't.s?' - Has
Brother Munk been guilty of any
thing wrong'? I __know of a church
that I think he is just the man for,
and mean to reccommend him very .
highly. _ Have you any reason to
suppose that he would not give satis
faction I I "
"Well, doctor, Mr. Blank is all
you say about him, but I'm afraid
he's not calculate d so make a suc
cessful pastor in the country."
Why, not deacon? You surprise
me very much."
" We11, , 1 will tell you one reason.
Mr. Blank lived net door to a neigh
bor whose hens and itliekons troubl
ed him very much liy dining up his.
garden. Ile spoke about it several.
times, but, it did no good; , those
fowls kept in his garden all the time.
And what do you think he did ?' In
stead of shooting some of than or.
building a high boatd tekee around
his gaiden, he came here to Hartford
and'
and' bought the best game-cock he
Could find, and took him,.,llome and
turned him loose in the 'garden. Tit
next day that neighbor heard :i great
commotion among the poultry, and
when he looked over the fence there
were all his bens and chickens lying
in windrows, and thatgame-coek
walking.over thy_ bodies and crow
ing. Now, you cani-tsayi that was
unchristian conduct, ut it was eer
thinl to I destroy Mr.
Blank's usefulness in that section."
THE DIGINITY. OF OFFICE
' A Detroiter who Arra rusticating in
One- of theAwilderness -counties of
Miebigan, was one (lay hunting. When
he came upon a haMlet, consisting of
a saw-mill; two hougr-s and a log
cabin.. The sign of " Post Office "
greeted his vision over,a,door on one
of the houses, and he entered. The
office was an eight by ten room, and.
the boxes for mail matter numbered
just four.. A written sign on the wall
announced that the mail arrived and
departed once, a week, and the Post..
master sat behind a pine table read]
ing the Postal Guide and chewing It
sassafras root. • _
"Any letter for Jo n---%1 asked
the Detroiter, as he looked around.
The I'. M. didn't, hake his head
and crush all the imp irer's, hopes at
once, as some official • do, but slowly
arose, looked carefully into each'one
of the four empty b f t+4,•peered into
an old cigar box on 'the window-sill,
and then answered,:
" I don't see anything just now,
but, it is mill four days till the next
mail."• ,„
""Is this a mOneporder .ofliee ? "
Pontinued the stranger. • -
" Well, no, not e, actly, though we
handle considerable money here."
" Can I get a dollar's worth of
threes?" asked the Detroiter, after a
pause. • .
Well, no, not" exactly," replied
the official, looking into his wallet.
" Guess . I can spare you five of six
now, and the rest next week."
There was another pause "as the
Dostmaiter vainly tried to make
change for a quarter, and the Detroi
ter finally said : • ~.
"This= isn't rated as a 'first-class
postoillee, is it ?"
"Well, no, not exactly," was the
confidential' reply. -'Fact is, we .
don't do - a very rushing, business
hereand sometimes I think it would
pay - me better to gol back on the
farni." •
.
• '• I don'ersuppose yon make twenty
dollars a year here, do youl'..".
" Well, no, not exactly, but I don't
look,at that altogether: The po‘sition
.it giN'es us, in society hero' must be
taken into consideration,4„pu know."
The population Of the Hamlet, in
clud-ing, a taint: hear and d-tlog, was
thir : teen souls.
1761 " Waft TII-N IN II 061 i: MILL
s(”:s of YEitls Aoo.,Sometitrie ago
Pr, Stephenson was prospecting the
tast hornblends and chloritic slate
formation between Gainesville - and
Jefferson, and 'found a singular rock
on the land of ,31r. - Frank Harrison,
which he cmiAiters one of the Most
'interesting and inexplicible produc-
tions•of the laws of chemical affinity.
The boulder of, Lornbleiul weighs
nearly a ton, is black, and crystalized
through it in seems about oue-eightli
'oi an inch thick of white , Auartz are
the figut:s 1761. They arc %about four
jabs long and placed at equal dis- -
tances from each other. It is.com
mon in all plutonic rock to see seams
of quartz traverse the granite, guess,
liornhlenit and other4ilasseffof 7 rOcks
various directions, from one-eighth
of an' hick tb a foot or more, which
sometimes cross each other, but-n^ier
with. the regularity and symmetry of
this. It has not been t4ousand 'years
since the Arab invented our nuni
ergls, from Ito 10, an we find. here
in perfect figures, made by the laws
of chemical on-;the oldest
rocks, which formed the crust of. the
earth countless . millions of years-be
fore there -was a vegetable or animal
in existence.,— Gainei6ille (Ga.)
•
Eagle.
WiIAT a feeling of relief comes over a
woman as she enters a church and *discov
ers that her neighbor's wife has the same
leather on her summer hat that she wore
all last season.
"IVE wish," says a Texas newspaper,
"that a few of our citizons could be per
mitted to live till they ..die a natural
death, so•as to show the world wh i st a
magnificently healthy country Texas real
ly is.
TEE TEIALMOITE.
If there should eomis time, as well there may:
When euddentrlbulatlon sullies thine heart,
And thou dad come to me for help and day
Aud 'comfort—how *hall I perform MY Past y
Ilowilhall 1 make my heart a resting-placo •
•
• .shelter safe trout thce when terrors smile
flow...stun I bringllnksunsitine ti?lny,face,
And dry thy tears In bitter woe's despite?
Hew *hall I win the strength to keep my Telco
Steady and firm; although thear thy sobs?
Low shall I bid thy painting Soul rejoice,
Nor mar the counsel ormlnti own heart throbs?
LOW , . my love teaches me is certain way, .
So, If thy dark hour come, I stn thy stay,
I mast iltle higher. nearer to the reach
IA angels In their blemod trnattuines; •
Learn air unaolnehess, ere I can t5...74ch,
- Cont en t , thee, whom I would gladly d`s
AD! what woe were mine it thou ehouldat come,
Troubled. but trusting, unto tneror aid,
Arid I should meet thee powerteas;and . dumb,
Velillmto help thee, but coil - V(10A, afraid
It shall not happen thus, !or'l tit!'
God helping me, to higher life, and gain ,
Courage and Strength to give thee counsel wise,
And deeper love to bless thee In thy pain.
Fear not,,dear Imre, thy trial hour shall be
The dearest bond'betoeen my heart and thee.
• • PBO
_PHEOY•
Delivered by GEonce I. Bui:K. on the Campus of
the Collegiate institute, September Vrth,
'Twas on a blOak night of last De.
cember, as I sat before the dying tire,
that a vision rose before me, strange
And terrible. There its the - dim light
of my shaded. lamp appeared a
,figure
In the gaih of an ancient warrior.
Tattered and weather-beaten was his
dress; stein and unyielding his yis
lyre. In a moment the truth flashed
0
Recovering in 'part from
my first consterbutiO4, I put the
query :
" Are you the dux of those-pvieto
ruin Gem.anorum, who went not un
der a lecture for fourteen years?"
Slowly and pa;is.zifully,came the re ;
sponse: • •
" I am Ariovisttis ; and to-nighta
visit you to reveal the future, for to
you it is i gMnted to'know the events
of the coming quarter century."
Feeling reassured, I expressed my
thanks. for the honor, and requestad
my guest .'to speak first of the Sus•-
quehanna Collegiate Institute. With- .
out, further preliminaries, he began
the revelation.
"Twenty-five years," he - said, "will
have brought many changes. . Them
you will - hear of the Susijiiiltianni: ,
College, with. a, full corps Of profes
sors and a throng of students. The
grc,p.t success'of the reorganized in
stitution is mainly due to the abolish
ment of the board of trustees. Som9 -
clie'd, others removed, and the re
mainder,. yielding to substantial in
ducements; resigned. ~
" The Principal has becoine. Presi
dent E. E. Quinlan, P. iv LL D.
YArs ago he Was a hard Worker, but
.now, with,the advancin,* years, such
exe - rtion is no longer needful. He
is content to direct the management
of the college, leaving the ° harder
labor to-younger men.
" Of course, when thCollege was
opened the . - former - I. dy.• teachers
I
sought other oecupatioi i s. Miss Ma
son, having always bee incredulous
as to the legend of the blsy bee, went
into' bee'Llture, to sa isfy an over
powerig curiosity. Still she longs
for ' the days -that are past,' when
the smiling , faces of .her barges were
der great and only dell ht.
" Miss ;Cook, having . taught for fif
teen years, chose - a pa tney through
:'this vale of tears,' b t he avows
; that he had neither par ,nor lot in it.
" Mr. Kimberley prac teed law suc
cessfully among the Fee ee Islanders.
On one occasion during his early res
idence there, he was. about to . be
served as soup for the benefit of the
natives. The missionaries had visited
thnsland and ekpounded the text,
'Thou shalt not live by bread alone;
and this was,to be - the melancholy
result of their, teaching. Mr. Kinl
berley, being -asked it he had any
thing to say why the desire for soup
should. not. be gratified, showed the
error of the preacher, and they the
correct rendering is, 'Thou shalt not
live forever).
..Buy (or purchase)
bread alone.' His life was spared,
and the Fjejees have since. gorged
themselves with aerated bread. '.
"But;' said Ariovistus, suddenly
stopping in 7 the midst of his narra-,
tion, "there-
. are . others whose for
' tunes are of greater interest tO you.
Harry Corser has , beeo!ne grand.
sachem of the Comanches ; - all-Ahe.
youth of the tribe receive free tuition
in Conic Sections and Darwin's the
ory of evolution.
" Will Lane, Corser's .former com
panion in maietnatical research . , has
won great fame by a bk, entitled,
' The Eccentricities of. Woman and
the Eccentricities of the Ellipse and,
, Hyperbola compared.'
:- -"
:Tay Codling went'as a mission
ary to Borneo, having . made one con
vert before starting She:teaches the
young heathen 1107 to scan :Virgil,
while the early convere:cmentioned
above - discourses upon more serious
topics.
" Hattie Walker was fprany years
matron of a deaf a'f4Wrab asylum,
located at Uperni,%:,(l - rimiland. By
her extraordinary powers she
captivated one -of the 'inmate—Joh
annes biretsvinstine by name—,walk
ed off with him;.and launching her
boat,upon the' Polar sea, renewed the
search for Sir John Franklin.
"S. C. Johnston became a hard-
shell Baptist minister. Having at
first no settled 'charge, he traveled as
a colporteut -in New Mexico, but,
finally returned to Bradford county
and resumed his favorite study,—;
mathematics. He denies the exis
tence of obtuse angles, doubts that of
acute, angles, but knows experimen
tally the right angle.
-" .. John Morrow 'went throw+ col
lege, studied law, and is now'prose
cuting- attorney'at San Salvador. His
last case was an indictment of an
islander for presumitg to walk in,,the
steps of Columbus.' , ..
",Winnie Divies'irent to London
University, and employed. her leisure
time in memorizing the British
cyclopedia. This task was completed
on the fifteenth clay, at 31'. 31. Du,
ring her first - Vacation visited
Glanmorghaushire, becaMe enamored
of a miner, and took him foebetter
or 'for worse. •
" Carrie Long was, teacher of vocal
and instrumental musk in Terra Del
' Fuego, but has now returned. She
wears alook of settled melancholy,
—longing., it is said, for a Chilian
brave never to be hers.
-\
;V1 'll,)‘ Lr ' t.
I lkst
"John Lynch, having for many
years led a roving life, entered the
army. His warlike merit, was soon
recognized, and in consequence .of
successive promotions, he has note
attaiiied position of corporal.' ,
"Clayton Osborn in early life gave
manifest tokens of genius. The punk
ty of his diction, his impassioned
oratory, and ',:above _all, his smile,
calm and persnasive, raised him to
an eminence to which feiv can aspire.
Still he is seen but little,: since he,
travels almost isyrinterruptedly in the
interior of chimneys. - , •
"James Gates is a china rider in
Anions. The length of his circuit is
two miles, and:extenda from his own
abode to thitiof the , nearest , family.
Unimpeded, by wintry storms' or
su - inmei blasts, he travels this circuit
daily. His exhortations•are,said to
be long and earnest. -
"Alexander Stewart came to a de
plorable end. Early in life-he -con
tracted matrimony ;, after many fam
ily jars (of various shapes and Sizes)
-had been hurled at his mioffending
head, he endeavored to praure a di
vorce on the "ground of incompati
bility of fcmper. Being unsuccessful,
he resorted to thefirstmode of "an
nulling 'the marriage tie; and found'
rest atlast in the.silent waterkof the
Susquehanna, - . • •
‘‘. Jennie-Hale has long bewithe
proprietress of a store in Wysox} at,
which anythilir can be boughtrfor
five cents. BelieVing. that - the five
senses should be in constant,use, she
has taken this meank.of acceinplish
ing her objeet.
" Anna Thomas, 'abandoning' the
study - Of:. iffirsic, which she had for
merly while of the
Wyalusing Mutual Musical Alliance,
becameia lessinaker. in this pro
fession she sheceded, and., was secured.
by one Snooks, ail' efficient otlici:r of
the law.
-"Engene Underhill soon gave' up.
the 'ministry and returnel to Merry=
all. There. he put into operation a
system of water-works, modeled:upon
a plan with which he had become ac
quainted in earlier year.S.
" James Wilson ..became an expert .
. performer upon-the violin, trombone
and jewsharp. lie now plays plain
tive ditties on - : dulcimer of a than
sand strings. •
" Belle Hillis was :a, Schoolma'ank
for forty-seven .consecutive
Her great success was mainly ilup . to
Sher ability id applying both moral
and physical suasion.
" Freddie Fox graduated at 8.-ars
sar, continued her , study of language
in Germany, but suddenly ceased/at.
the request of the Prince of
ewingen. /
"Emma Welles ,
now 31r5.,-.T.ohu
Smith, of Texas,_liVes upon a I:Urge
cattle ranch. Her ()pier half' man-,
ages tl .s mik and slO manages him.
"' .
assed. an iforhense.
forte e digging b 1(1 in Australia.
Thet a he moved to Van Diethati-N
Land, of which he is Governor ten
era].
William V. Duggan, having grad
'l:AC(l at Vienna, began the practice
of Medicine in 'Alaska. He has be
come a. coldttloodea' pfactitioner,
and never yields - to' blubber.
" .Anita Durand graduated in 'SI,,
traveled for some - time in Europe, antl
now lives in Paris. -Her house is a
resort of the most brilliant society of
the French metropolis.
" Frank Camp adhered to his Dem
ocratic principles. After repeated'
efforts, he secured the nomination for
town clerk. Uncle' , Sammy's barrel
being inaccesslble, he was defea.ta,
and is now the rival of the aforesaid
SamMy J. for the title of the "Great
Defrauded." ,z=
" Anna Hickinsou,ldng since dead,
has a worthy \' successor in Helen
POwell, who las already surpassed
her predecessor, having rejected three
hundred and sixtynine offers of mat
.rimony.. Strange as it may geem,: she
prefers a life of blessed singleness.'"
Here- the Chieftain• became silent
Glaneing.up from my hastily-penned
sheet, I , observed impressed up ! %-
marble
half
• Sinke look, half
stern, half sad, which liair si„,oVized
his first appearancle: tiopingtiilearn
mors I addressed him : "'bread .
Spirit, hi: Litfnot permitted to . Onfold
yet further the stoV - Of theluture
More would you know?"
was the sepulchral response " But
see! The hour of twelve approaChes
when the spirits of German warriors
nightly. meet upon the dark. ridges of
-Jura."
Awed •by the, majestic presence;
and-feeling mortal sympathy for this
wanderer through the centuriesi I
gazed at - the fast vanishing figure,
dtecalling myself to earthly, things,
I found that my fire
,bad long, since
died away upon the hearth: The tale
was ended. •
THE HERITAGE OF CULTURE
Oration- - hy s: Cr..lonN , Tox, at the. Quathi
Ce nt ctrl/ Extncigre "ftl the ,Susliceltrinfoi
el ) l tate in edited. , Sept.,.,
The nineteenth century possesses
a valuable legacy. The splendid cul
ture which beautifies modern -civili
zation has been transmitted by pre
cding ages. They have been the
masons employed by, the rchitect'of
the UniVerse preparing the struc
ture., of modern excellence. Each
century with, its chisel and plumb
.line has placed' its polished stones-in
this edifice. Ancient Medimval-and
Modern times have liberally contri
buted- to the Heritage of Culture.
The massive grandeur of Egypt„the
chastity of Grecian refinement,,it r he
commercial of Carthage and' the
triumphs of Imperial Rome liaye
hrough all the ages had a controlling
influence in . the .development (3tscfr
ence,Nt, commerce and political
organizatibns. The pyramids and,
colossal-temples- of Egypt are'perpe
tuities ofher.arehitectural eminence,
The great pyramid is tin inheritance'
of
.superior worth to - the schola and
a•wonder - to the. world. Ve4rabley
and majestic, it presents antiquity-to.
a modern world. The obelisks cola,:.
memorate the achievements - of a Ses
ostris Or a Rameses. The hiero.-
glyphics upon the walls , of tomb's.
and- temples give vivid accounts of
the daily occupitions of the Egyp:
tians:• Thus Egypt, the mummy of
the East, contributes to modern pro
gress. Athens, the intellectual
splendor of ancient cities, and 'the
model in art, has given to the world,
SI,OO per Annum In Advance.
. . •.•
an_ inexl:tible mine of culture:
With her ~ tehless orators, her wise
statesmen,her profound philosoPhers,
her sculptors and her poets, she rear,
ed an empire. never to: be idestroyed.
She produced- a - Solon to lay the'
foundation of free.
,:legislation ' • she
disciplined an Alexander to bring
the iintutored orient under the' do
minion of refinement ;., she furnished
a Socrates, • whose sayings have been•
tile food , for anciefit and modern
schools ; she sent forth Demosthenes,
the paragon a °rater's.' Palestine,
the theatre of the most sublime events
bf history, has adorned civilization
with precious and beautiful gifts.
The poetry of David possesses :a rich
ness and depth of thought that stirs
the 'soul with h
- holy enthusiasm. The
4 .
sacred lyrics of, this greal, aid
poet p have enriched—e Very for, of
ChriAtian worship. • ",Praise ye the
Lord" was his.grand thane: Solo
mon "speaketh excellent thin 3, rrs." nis
,
writings contain :gems of thought
which are ornaments of grace to lit
erature. • The rhetorical figures of
Job and the imagery of the prophets
are -unexcelled by modern" writers.
But Palestine has a:nobler part to
perfoina in 'refining pankind. The
Star of Bethlehem rises;. the Light.
.. 1 ,
of the. World appears) the serrnon
on 'the Mount `goes f0rth...40 Chrisf ,
tianize the world. To,the Decalogue
received amid the thundorings o 1
Sinai, is lie* added the command
ment of Love. The •disciples are
commissioned, Calvary triumphs, and
the world receives its most. precious
gift. • .
;Yotiee the advgneement in culture
since the timeof QiniuCer,the."fatheri
English liteAture." Spenser,
Shikespeare, Miltoni,and the whole
illustrious . .poetfi bave robed
litefatere in a garment of brilliant
gems. How rapidly.has the science
of- mathematics advanced ,'since the
time 3v , ..ben the geometrical ( principles
of Ilog,ci Bacon:were taken for witch
.craft-,...,---Whai one ot-the last six cen,
Ludes . has not: contributed liberally
to this - grand - result ?. gave
riseto those nowinneient
of Europe, in which the• heaits and
intellects of . hatious have been form
ed." Another gave the great Italian
sculptors and-painters, Leonardo da
Vinei,.Michael Anglo' and Raphael.
Another gave the Mariners compass,
and incited Gutenberg and his - asso
.ciate to, studytheirnio'vable blocks,
until: a printing,py' esis;-went forth to
- trinsforni the *prld, a r `nd lastly near-
Lly doubled the terrestrial inheritance
of civaiied man. Another gave-en
, perniens and a ceriect planetarium of
the. solar system. The.Beforniatlon
, with its Luthefs, and-a:Wakened:the
world- to a new life of r thouffht and
action. Another disclosed g the ad
vantacres of conimereo, tke_ import
ancec7f discovery, and began its war
fate against the dogmas Of despotic
government. .Annther.gave Newton's
law ofgravitation. --"Jt_furnished the
telescope, to, direct the Colunibus of
tlitheavens in his voyage among the
stars. It announced . the Declaration
ofAtuerican ',lndependence, and „gate
birth : to Our"own glorious Union.
• is constantly
•making 'wonderful contributions to .
,humah culture in every form and , in
every.lepartment. What will be ac
tcoinplished -in ':the next .century ?
What in'the nest? Who doubts that.
the Golden-Age has-come? ''The_
stream Of history is ftowidg on to
doripus consummation." Si the=
student, the noble - characters that
hate come down to him through the
annals of history are
,objects of ad
miration and Grecian
youths ; tang* heTroistn
hearin! rds, recount, the pat-
riotism
the Tre
be ins
of deities, fickleAti purpose igti,l sub- .
jeet to ignoble passions , what Alen gth l i
and virtue the stt 'dent Of to-day may
receive • by: studying the illustrious.
characters revealed in the history of
.
Culture Culture is the'grandest in
.
-hOi*nee of the ages. It enricheS
the .mind- and:refines,the soul ; . it is
the •pleitstire 'Youth and the com
fort of old age ‘ ; it unites mankind in.
fraternal love. If . .prosperity fail, if
adversity. humiliate, if ive rite robbed
of, our birthright,:iliberty and inde
pendence, , let us not part wittethat
which underlies our institutions, and
.is more .valuable•thau all our posses
sions—our, Heritage of Culture, de 7
scended to uilp, , am bygone•times. .
Two'emincht members of the Irish bar,
Doyle andAelvettor, quarreled one day
so violently that-from words they came to
blows.: Doyle, the more poWerful man of
the two, knocked down his.adversary,_ex
claiming most schemently,'" Yon scoun
drel. I'll make you belfave-yourself like a
gentleman." -Tif which Yelverton,
answered with equal indignation, "No,.
sir, never ,;.• • I defy You !. I defy you! •Yotti
can't dt? iti"
IT appear?, that 5 . 00 laurel wreaths And
several thousand violet biniquets for the
Prince Iniperhit'S funeral were mad&
factured'. at, Munich, neither Paris nor
London 'artifickittlower makers being able
to,undertaketlitrivork in:the time allowed.
4,000 persons are, ernplciAd id that indus
try by . :31 factories in Munich.
Inv. - Prince- do Join Ville brought .home
from one.of his veyage'S the entire cos
tumdi_or a queen of' Zanzibar. It was
contained in a box. twice as large as his
hpiid.The ladies of the" royal family of
. totiiS Philippe at the Tuileries crowded
around to see, the contents of. the
box, and were quite shocked to find when
it was opened . only a pair of carrings,:and
a pair of sandals !
A PIiETTY incident occarred at Lefton:.
on, Out., the- other Sunday. Into the
Metluidist. Church flew." , a robin daring
service. Peiching on a rail opposite .the
pulpit. it -mug- hiudly- when the peOple,
sang, `was E ' iilent daring prayer, - but
while the
.rninister . preached it chirped
otcasionallybas i lf .to encourage him. It
lemained until the congregation um
formerly dismithu,d and then tlew
Pounifss of Erie.-Pounty • are- being
overrun witti worms j of a'uew variety that
have lately' put in appearence.' They
are of a brownisli - color resembling "the
thousand r legged ? worm,' but smaller in
.size and of a different color.' The worm
invades private, houses, , bains,
Pnoratarertmteponges by cutting the
live ones into small pieces, attach ing.theM
to lumps of rock and sinking them to proper
depths .in-suitable places is proposed by a
ProfessOr Schiddt. He thinks in three
days they will be marketable and yield a
handsomo.ltrotlt. • '
• i‘ 4 •
NoTtroja - lnow remains to be. done to
the Cologne Cathedral bitt to place the
massive ,stone caps of the two great
towers and' flirt the have crosses that
surmodut the whole. ' But this is all v : pry
difficult and ilangereus.work;
,
• rum Licrr Ain ham- -
A WALKOWMATCHCSIVIIIIII#II4IOiIi'
calves. '
Evan* man has his prejoileavar4 -
every Woman her.bias. \
Ost • hundred and five pounds is 'the
weight of &champion Floricia waterrieloo.
No srarinn how ranch a candidate
Itches - foi office, bd..o - e)fer Likes to be , .
No reoutommt of passion destroys the
spiritual nature as much as respectable
selfishness.
• You cannot dream yourself taxis char
acter you must hammer sad forge your
self one.—Prosefe.
EIGTiTEES are sand people' treat to
'Pittsburg in one day
,op esmyuskin trains
to visit the experiltitra. 7 • e
TNEr.ve sisters took LSb black veil at
Williamsport, Friday, - under the direo•
Con of Bishop O'Hara. -
f !MEN show their chiricter in - nothing
More clearly than by what they think
liiiighable..—Gothe.- •
LEOPAILD never changes his spats.
A mosquito does, however.. It will settle
in a new spot everrtive seconds, and sing
al the time it is changing.
NUMBER 214.
"." WIZEN - I was, a boy," said a prosy,
long-winded orator in Media to a friend,
" I used to talk in , my sleep." 4 ` And
now," said his friend, "you sleep In your
talk." • • ,
WILLIAM AVM:SSTS icr sleepy room
mate : ."Chine, , John Henry, why don't
you get up with the lark, as I do?" John
Henry, grimly: "Been up with him all
night."
TnE worst ease of selfishness on record
is that of a, youth who coMplained' be
cause his mother pat - a. larger mustard
plaster on his younger brother thaiethe
did on him.-
"Woxax a delusion, madam," ex
claimed a Crusty' old bachelor to a witty
young lady. "And man is always hug
ging some delusion or other," was the
quick retort.
The time has mme when wears again compelled
to change our underahlrt.-Dancilta Intelligencer.
Your conscience would be easier if you
were Ao change youi politics, also. •
"I NEVER argy agin a sueces. When
I - see a rattlesnaik'whead sticking out of
a hole,l bear off to the left and say to mi
self that hole 'belongs to that . snaikl ,
'Josh Bitting',
LAwvEirtEs.urrz, of St. Louis is in
variably polite. A-long and terrific roll:
of thuMmi_gtopped him in an address to
a jury, aid - in resuming he said : "Gen- .
tlemen, pray excuse this interruption.;fr
ides, or the valor of
s ;- or, if they could'
irtue by. the oracles
M.4ItRIED three times and but seven- '
teen years of age is the_ history'of a Mrs. „
Rhodesz..now confined at the New Hanqa s , A ,..
shire Reform Scheid. - "She was seistence-d—
-on complaint of her husband fot:llisorder.. , -'
ly conduct.
. 4 . ‘ On !" said_the a ffl icted wife, weeping
over histliody, "he said he Would take off
his flannel anyway,, and, poor man, hp lit
tle thought bow soon he would go to that
place Where flannels are never needed.".
"No," said the ; Texas lawyer; as he
-placed a couple of 'loaded Derringers on
he table before him, "the fact that the
witness its a desperate man will not deter
tife-frorrnsking him such questions as_ I
may deem proper." ,
A BOSTON officer possesses two Canary • •
birds" and half a dozen crickets over, the •
hearth— Of late the birds have been at- -
tempting to imitatethe song of the crick- -
ets aud.succed admirably, seldom retun
ing to their own mode of singfhg.
" AnE - you aware. that yott breathe
eighteen times a minute, and three' hous
and cubic feet, or about...three hundred -
and -seveutptive hogsheads per hour.'" „
What a territip question to propound.to a
person whO Las been eating onions.
Now polities are wuxlng want,'
In the'glow of Inkian Summer, -
And freely Sows the foaming harm, ,
•Tis the harvest of the bummer -
But when November.blasts shall h . ,leirNoe:
• And the brightekt n pizsrets
s. Shall vanish likeWw.lutur's snow,
• The rotolbunimei he - slighted - r
A WOMAN appeared in The Court, or
Louisville to be "appointed, guardian. for
her child, when the folaming colloquy en- .
sued : " What estate his your -child ?"
"Plaza, your honor, I cfon't understand
you." Judge - --" I , say; 2‘what has-.she
gut?" "Chills and • fever,'-plai.e your ,
honor." .
TILE Danbury News says that at a party
on Nelson street, the, other evening, the
conversation appeared to -be dying out,
when:a bilious man suddenly •observed to
a young lady on his right, "4 don't think
they nrakttppills as large as they used.". -
After that the conversation went on again ; __
' A RULE of the Illinois Central Railroad
provide at dogs:shall not ride th'..a pas
senger car; but a big and ferocious bull
dog walked into a car at Chicago, and ap
propriated a whole seat, and rode three .
Itundredmiless unmolested. "He had
such a meaning smile," was 'the-conduc
tor's 'apology- for not ejecting him. -
A ' GEORGIA, -.colinid debating' Society.
'was lately discussing : " Which is best
fsti laborinemen, to work fav,.....wages or ,
part of the crop?" •An old . `!-uncle "-
.poke the sense of the meeting when, he
said.: " Befoo was the best; of they could
Only be brung togedder somehow."...
A NINETY-FOUR and five-eights-carat di
amond found recently at Mederk's Bush,
in the South African diamond field, was •
scild on the spot for $35,000. The same
"digger " to,whoselet this rare find felt .
,unearthed about _the same-tune a fine
stone of twenty,sii carats, and another
of ten and three-fwirths carats, besides.
- several smaller gents. • • • • •
OLn 3rl:.llazleet, of Oregon, thought
he was going to die, and in order that his
:heirs should have nothing to quarrel over
he burned. $22,00:1 in Eueenbacks. lle
didn't die after all, and4ow. when the
heirs see hith sawing wood to earn his
'bread they naturally think that they ° are
ahead of him. • 4, 3.
" D ozi* T•you know," remarked a rath
er fast Newark youth- the other day,to a
stuttering friend to whom he was slight
ly indebted ; "do you know that I intend
to marry, and, settle down?" I do-don't
know-anything about it," was the reply,
" but brit I think you had - b
-b-better stay
single and !ettlelup." • . .
. .
, A COMMinICIAL traveler at Marseilles
refused leave toihis maid-serVant . to take _
hit daughter to the .skating.rink;_they did
not appear:next morning, and on the bed
-room being-Jiurst open, both were • found":
suffocated. - A note in gm maid's hand
.writing;said : "You shall-no longer have!
your daughter; I' tske_ t her to - a better.
, world." Their-ages weld twenty-six'atid
fourteen. • •
THEY - were ccurting. -4 " What makes
the stars so dim to-night "?"-she'said, soft-.
ly. • " Your_ eyes are so math brighter,."
whispered, pressing her lido hand.:
They are Married — now. "I wohder how
=rnany . telegraph• poles it _would lake to
Teach frotH.bere to the Stars," she re
marked._musiogly. "One, if it was-long
enough," h .growled, "why don't you
talk common sense?"
AT a fashionable colored - iredifing down.'
South the bride was ratheriblacker than -
the groom, wlip rivaled* a 'newly-polished
shoe. The minister-was a newly-import-
ed,Northern preacher of. the Plymouth
Hock 'persuasion and a great hewler
about negre egality. , lie asked the best
Man, after the festival vas over, how the -
grooni liked everything., "All buncom- -
be, boss ; but he kinder didn't like dat
you didn't s'lute de bride." „.
a noticeable fact in. natural histo
ry that when a man slips on' ati;.icy pave
ment he throws his armand-legs tewardr-- -
all points of the i*o" mpass, ' frantically
struggles to maintain his - dignity, and
aims at"twenty different places beiOre he
finally Omes•down in extense, as it were; -
whereas, a woman gives one Axntvulsive
little start, and sinks down in a' 'condensi,
ed-heari on the very spot on- which her
foot slipped. - •,. - •
.
"ASIAIiDA, I wish yot‘to 'put the large
Ilible in a prominent place on the centre
tai and place two or three ,hymn-books
'round on the• - sofas. I have advertised
for a young man to board in a "
cheerful
,Christian fansilyeand I talon what,. if
you girls don't manage, eithet one of you,
'to rake him in, why, I'll never _try. any
thing again, for I'm tired / Ont." „ , •
Tile heads of every family should cultivate an am
bition to own a home of 'their own.—Easton /We
Frelff.
Undoubtedly woe counseL But then,
to a fellow who has, in a printing office,
irrigated, harrowed,--.end otherwise agri
culturally watched over and - caredior soy
erg plump seesl of the ornbiyorts •
•teadius species, for the past - quarteeofta,
a century, without, as yet,a visible pros-le. ,
pest of a solitary sprout, your well intend
ed
: 3
words of admonition 'do "rot seem to-
give any very marked., syinistoms of re- .
no Wed vigor or inspiration, so tome*.