vs&mvsMxa '- B?5 sr mfflzs im ynfif 'ur' 44p- 5T THE KTTSBTIR6 DISPATCH. "WEDNESDAY. " NQVEMBER 26. 1890. Wlje Bigpatcrj. ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY fc, 1818. Yol.l .o 2C -Kntrmlat l'HKI.urg rostoffice, XovcmberH. lasT, asbicuml-clasoiuillcr. Business Office Corner Smithfleld and Diamond Streets. News Booms and Publishing House 75, 77 and 79 Diamond Street XATEKN ADVEItllMNG orFIt'E. ROOM 51, TKIBUJ.E BUILDlMi, NEW YOUK. where complete fltes or Tim DISPATCH can always be found. Foreign advertisers appreciate the con venience. HomeadvertWrs and friondsof HIE DISPATCH, hile In New York, are also made -welcome. THE V1SPA7CII u rcgvlailv on sale at .Brrofano's, 5 Union Square. J'cw l'ork, aid 17 .4tc oe COpera, J'arti, Fiavce, uhcre anyone icho hat been disappointed at a hotel neics zUind can obtain it. TERMS OF raE DISPATCH. rOSTACE FHEC IS THE CXITKD STATES. Daily UisrATcn. One Year ? CO Dailt I)i-rATCH, I'cr Quarter 2 00 .Daily Dispatch, One -Month. .. - TO Duly Dispatch, including iundav, lyear. 10 CO .DULY DisPATCn, Including SunJs,3m'ths 160 Daily Dn-pvtcii. including bundai. 1 jn'tn 90 tUNDAY Dispatch. One cr 150 eikly DisrATcn, One Year 13 The Daily Dispatch Is delivered by carriers at IS cents pervert, or including bundar edition, at 10 cents per week. riTTbBURG. WEDNESDAY. NOV. 26, 1S90. THE TORY PROMISES. The Qncen's speech, at the opening of Parliament, outlines an Irish policy which indicates that Salisbury is tentatively con templating the possibility of repeating the famous acts of Feel and Disraeli in stealing the Liberals' policy. The Queen's speech foreshadows a meas ure "for augmenting the number of owners engaged in the actual cultivation of land;" for "facilitating the transaction in Scotland and Ireland of the more important stages of private legislation afiecting those coun tries," and for "the enactment of the reform kvstem of county government in Ireland analogous to that put in operation in Great Britain." -These expressions give a Tery vide latitude as to the actual measures which may be introduced; but they cer tainly look in the direction of a reformed land system and the establishment of local, self-government. They do not reach the full measure of home rule; but they make an approach to it, which, the Tory ministry evidently hopes, may prove a sop to the popular opinion so strongly setting in that direction. There are two vital obstacles to the prac tical success of this policy. The first is that Salisoury is neither Feel nor Disraeli. He may be a more conscientious and consistent xaau; hut he is destitute of that brilliant versatility which enables a statesman to throw overboard his convictions and swal low his record in order to steal his op ponent's thunder. The second is that half measures never succeed. "When Feel re pealed ttie corn laws and Disraeli brought in the reform hill, both took the entire dose. The present premier is trying to get off -.villi a partial application of the Liberal policy. That is no doubt all that he can get his supporters to swallow; but it will not serve his purpose by being accepted as a substitute for home rule. Finally the difference between the prom ises oi the Salisbury government and its per ormance in the shape of measures actually passed is already a characteristic of the present Tory ministry. The promises throw a sop to the popular demand; but they will cot be taken as worth discussing at length, until they take the form of actual legislation. CONMM1TION IN PITTSBURG. During the last ten years there has been a marked decrease in the number of deaths from consumption in Pittsburg. The statis tics which will be found in our local columns to-day make this clear, bnt the cause of the decrease is not equally plain. It is somewhat significant that this decline has been coincident with the general intro duction and use of natural gas. Doctors have remarked heretoloreon this coincidence, and some have declared ttieir belief in the favorable influence or natural gas as a heat ing agency upon the human system. Other medical authorities have taken the opposite Ticw, and it must be confessed that no per fectly convincing or conclusive arcuments lave been made by either party. The fact remains, and it is an agreeable one, that consumption docs not claim as many victims in Pittsburg as it used to do. It is also true that the jiercentage of deaths from this cause in the total deaths in Pittsburg is less by more than one-third than that of Philadel phia. At the same time consumption is not fo rare a disease in this city as to make Dr. Koch's experiments with inoculation other than deeply interesting. THE REAL RULERS. It is instructive to find in an editorial eoincient on Mr. Dcpew's speech at the Nw York Chamber of Commerce banquet, the statement: "According to Mr. Depew the kings of finance are the real rulers of the world." Tnis idea was brought out in con nection with the assertion that the recent monetary troubles were overcome and the panic averted "without the aid of cabinets or secretaries." In this fact Mr. Depew found the best guarantee of the brotherhood of nations and the promotion of universal peace. There is much truth and force in this view; but unfortunately the event from which Mr. Depew drew his roseate figure of speech, inevitably presents the kings of finance in entirely another view. We have heard a good deal lately of "Napoleon's of Finance;" and it is pertinent in connection with that and Mr. Dcpew's comparison to remember that the Napoleon who provoked the laughter of Europe by a fiasco in the at tempt to seize the absolute power in Prance, afterward earned his coveted throne by a historical coup d'etat in which force and chicanery were equally prominent. We have enjoyed the joke of laughing at our Napoleons of the stock market who came to grief even more hopelessly than tee nephew of his uncle did at Strasburg or Boulogne; and we can now complete the parallel by contem plating with sobered thoughts the success of more wily Napoleons to whose rulership IMr. Depew attests, and who have gained an overpowering prominence by a career of alternate deception and defiance of law wnich indicates their full right to the Na poleonic title. It is certainly a matter for solid reflection when we find the leaders of finance who chare the rulership of the world, and who have gained that power by the thinly dis guised robberies of stock manipulation and the persistent illegality of favoritism in railway rates, pursuing the Napoleonic policy by attacking fresh corporate realms, bringingthemtotherergeolruinand then an nexing them to their financial empire. AVith tuck a demonstration of financial ralersaip J on the part of Messrs. Go did and Kocka feller, as the monetary events to which Mr. Depew referred, his assertion that they are the real rulers, becomes charged with weighty reflections; and the common people may well ponder the statement that such rulership is altogether too much an the Napoleonic order to leave onr democracy an existence in anything they form. Critics of corporate abuses have been charged with demagogic appeals to preju dice in asserting that we are under the rule of the money kings; but Mr. Depew's asser tion in connection with the rise of the Gould Bockaf eller financial empire, is an unwitting statement to the same effect, thatlendsa new force to the inquiry whether the creation of such corporate monarchies can be permitted with any respect for the'prcservation of Re publican institutions. THE HUNGARIAN EXAMPLE. The Hungarian zone system of railway fares is attracting considerable attention in this country as a novel system of regulating charges. According to the statements which haTe been published, it applies only to passenger traffic, nnd operates as follows: Prom a given central point, the area within the first fifteen miles constitutes the first zone, and each succeeding zone has width of about ten miles. Tickets arc sold good from the central point to each zone and from one zone to another, and can be used to any station within the terminal zone. The rates reported for third class passage arc surpris ingly low for the short distances, and in crease by such slight additions that the salient feature ol the system is really tho cheapness of passenger rates. It is claimed that the zone system permits a diminution of the number of tickets which a central railway office nmt keep on hand from an average of about TOO to 92, and that under the system the tickets are placed on sale like postage stamps. These two features make a large decrease -in the expenses of ticket agencies, and thus make up in part for the lowering of rates, which is exempli fied by the statement that the rate under this system tor a distance like that from New York to Chicaeo would he only $2 92. The effect of this reduction which, it shonld be said, is on the Government railways oi Hungary, has been to increase travel so enormously that the receipts of the railways are 18 per cent larger than under the old system. So far as the division of railway distances into zones is concerned, it is evidently based on the same principle as that applied in the establishment of the forty-mile radius on the coal traffic of this vicinity. The advantages and disadvantages of that form of the principle was fully discussed about a year ago. There is an apparent hardship in charging a shipper who ships freight 110 miles as much as the one who ships it 190. The application of the system as it is amplified in Germany, would in both freight and passenger traffic meet the complication that our railroads make rates for distances running up into the thousands of miles, while the Hungarian system only covers a territory about half as large as that over which the Pennsylvania Kail road's system extends. If the railroads of the United States should undertake to apply the zone system in either ten, twenty or thirty mile zones all over the country, it would come nearer to establishing a pro gressive distance tariff than anything which has yet been proposed. The really salient feature of the Hun garian system is its demonstration of the in crease of business that can be secured by & radical reduction of rates. The same lesson has been taught in this country by such steps as the reduction of fares by cable roads and the increase of travel when rate wars cut passenger fares in two. The rime prin ciple has operated in the freight business, for, without resorting to the form of the zone system, except in such scattered instances as the radical rate already referred to, the railways of this country have reduced freight charges to a lower level than in Europe, and have found an immense advan tage in doing so. Por some reason, perhaps because the American sovereign, when he travels, cares more to do it in princely st)le than to make his money take him as far as he can, there has not been a proportionate lowering of passenger rates. The Dispatch has heretofore expressed its conviction that if passenger charges were brought down in a degree corresponding to freight charges the railroads would find the increase of travel more than adequate compensation for the reduction; and the Hungarian example is a corroboration of that claim. In view of the fact that certain gentlemen seem to think that the division of railway distances into zones contains the especial charm which makes such a reduction possi ble, it is worth while to point out that the zone feature is merely a form, and not necessarily the form best suited to the long distances of onr railway system. The reduc tion of office expenses effected by the Hun garian system could be more radically at tained by making a universal mileage ticket at such a rate as would attract the traveling public, while for those who wish to take a stated short jonrney daily, our com mutation system duly liberalized can reach the same end. The vital lesson which we can learn from Hungary is that a radical and general rednction of passenger charges, accompanied by a universal pruning of costly agencies resulted in increased earn ings. That is an example which the rail roads can follow, and will follow, when competition makes them. FREE TRADE DfCONSISTENCY. The questions arising out of the -election having somewhat palled on its taste, the Chicago Herald, which is of the most ultra free trade stamp, returns to its oft refuted attack on the sugar schedule of the McKin ley bill. This is a sore spot to the tree trade journals, apparently because it took off the protection from a small knot of Dem ocratic producers in Louisiana. The Herald keeps up the old attack by making two as sertions in extenso which can be condensed into the following form: First, the duty of a half cent per pound on refined sugar is unnecessary, or, as the Herald puts it, is "a clean gift to the sugar refiners," and second, that the duty on raw sugar was a revenue duty because five-sixths of it went to the Government. "This," declares the Herald, "has been thrown away and in its stead is a protective auty oi half a cent" There is a foundation of truth id these as sertions which isso mixed up with erroneous assertions as to lead to an altogether false con clusion. It is correct that five-sixths of the tax on raw sugars went into the Treasury; but it is not correct that by the repeal of this duty the money is "thrown away." By so asserting, the Herald impeaches the pub lic document which inaugurated the tariff fight. It was President Cleveland who commenced the struggle, by asserting that it was wrong to keep up duties which yielded a revenue in exccs3 of the needs ol the Government. This principle was con-1 ceded, the only question being -as to the method by which revenue was to be re duced. It has been reserved for the Demo- cratic prejs to deny the sincerity of that argument by claiming tnat in the work of reducing the revenue it is wrong to repeal a duty which yields revenue to the Govern ment, The tax will not be thrown away, but will, as is right, be left in the people's pocket. It is a fair example of the relief of the people from unnecessary taxation that the total duty on the people's sugar by the late tariff was 3Jf c per pound; by the Mills bill 2.8c; all of wbfch was removed by the McKmley bill except a half cent per pound. The Dispatch daring the consideration or the McKinley bill freely expressed its belief that the duty of half a cent on refined sugars was more than necessary for the pro tection of refiners. But the Democratic misrepresentation on this point is illustrated by the assertion of the Herald that it is en acted in the stead of the revenue dnty on raw sugars. The new duty does not take the place of the old duty on raw sugars but it takes the place of the difference between the duties which the refiners formerly had to pay on their raw sugars and the duties on refined sugars by which they were protected. A complete test of the Democratic sincerity in attacking this duty is to be found in the comparison of the protection which it affords with that given by the margin between the duties on raw and refined sugars, both in the old tariff and in the Mills bill. By such a comparison we find that the protective margin In the old tariff on refined sugar was from 1 to 1.7 cents; in the Mills bill from C-10 to 1.2 cents, and by the new tariff cent per ponnd. The sugar schedule of the MrKinley bill was not all that The Dispatch advocated; but both in the way of removing unnecessary taxation and of lessening undeserved pro tection it is a great improvement on the the present tariff and on the Democratic policy as exemplified in the Mills bill. By attacking a measure with such character istics, the free trade press give the lie to their own professions of desiring to take the taxes off from articles of universal con sumption. GIVE KOCH TIME. Dr. Damra's attack upon the Koch theory of tuberculosis and its cure will be ot es pecial interest to doctors, but is slightly be yond the average layman. It will strike everyone, however, that the methods of Dr. Koch have not been tested sufficiently to be criticised in the positive style adopted by Dr. Damm. It Dr. Koch's discovery is not yet proven an immense blessing to man it is not fair to call it a fashionable craze. GLADSTONE OX rAKNELL. Gladstone has declared himself against Parnell's retention of the leadership of the Irish Home Bule party. In positive though temperate terms Gladstone states bis opinion thai it were best for the cause he has served so splendidly thatFarnell should retire. This decision has reached the public, for whom oi course it was intended, by way of a letter written by Gladstone to his colleague in the House of Commons, John Morley. It is evident tnat Gladstone hoped to have been saved from doing what he regards as a painful duty by the voluntary retirement of Parnell, and the prevailing tone of the let ter is eloquent of Gladstone's regret that circumstances should have compelled him to speak. The importance of Gladstone's action cannot be denied, and the far-reaching results will be watched most anxiously in this country as well as in Great Britain. The fate of the alliance between the Irish Nationalists and English Liberals is hang ing in the balance. TO KEEP GAS BILLS DOWN. The advance foreshadowed in the price of natural gas may be discounted largely by the general adoption of gas-saving appli ances by the consumers. Some sensible ad vice on this subject is offered by the gas companies' officials in our columns to-day; advice that may well be taken whatever the motives of the advisers, or however the necessity for raising the price of gas may be questioned. CHICAGO'S GRAND SQUABBLE. The display of pettiness, had temper and jealousy in connection with the Chicago World's Pair continues. Secretary Blaine had the temerity to endeavor to help along the Pair in relation to South American exhibits, but he has been forced by the managers of the Exposition to abandon his plans. Big salaries, big heads and big rows seem to be the salient features of the Pair's management so far. A little com mon sense, courtesy and genuine co-operation would be a pleasant change in Chi cago's councils. The name of Chauncey F. Black is brought forward by the Wilkesbarre Sunday Leader, as the proper one to select for the Democratic nomination for United States Senator. The ex-Lieutenant Governor's gallant advocacy ot Democratic principles, his active and disinterested work In the last campaign, and his especial championship of pure ballot reform, fully quality him for this compli mentary nomination, if he is not tired of accept ing nominations which result in rather barren honors. Certainly Mr. Black's creditable posi tion as an earnest and constant supporter of pure Democracy entitles bim to whatever recognition the party has in its power to be stow. . The publication of the fact that the In dian Messiah is a good Indian gives proverbial authority for believing that he is a dead In aian; but the facts do not seem to be that way. Good or bad. dead or alive, the ghost dances go on with the usual savage persistence. Theke is a depth of unconscious satire n the argument of Roger M. Sherman before the United States Supreme Court on last Friday that threatens to escape notice. In support of his claim that an electrical execution is a cruel and unusual punishment, Mr. Sherman cited the case of a lineman in New York who was sabjected to a snoot of 2,000 volte In front of the Park Theater, but did not die instantly. The assertion by a corporation lawyer that his clients, the electric light companies, aro sub jecting their employes to cruel,unusual and fatal punishment, Is a rather surprising in stance of things that were better left unsaid. The statement that it was at the applica tion of Lord Wolseley that Stanley made Bart telot bis lieutenant foreshadows the infliction of an article from that noble strategist declar ing Barttelot to be the one really great explorer of the present age. It is painful to find our esteemed cotem porary, tne Philadelphia .Keeord, while Indulg ing in some mathematical statements on the vote in the second Tennessee district, commit ting itself to the assertion that "while the Democratic vote decliued 50 per cent, the de cline in the Republican vote was upward of 1D0 per cent." According to this the Republican vote was less than nothing; yet it seems to be the paradoxical fact that the Republican can didate was elected. The reappearance at this especial junc ture of the old story of the boys who want to tight Indians is not so much a proof of pugnac ity on the part ot the boys a of sterility of In vention on the part of the reporter. The statement that Chicago will raise $0,000,001) for the World's Fair by the sale of city bonds, "as soon as $3,800,009 has been guar anteed by private ubecrtption, -which -will sot be long," is calculated to provoke an earnest inquiry as to what has become of that 8.000, 000 guarantee fund, on the alleged strength of which the Fair was located at Chicago. Was the 53,000,000 entirely wind? The market master, who declined to give two burly Britons fighting room in the South side market house yesterday, of course did his duty. Hutu hat a lot of fun hemissedl Some papers are expressing the opinion that it does not make any difference whether the National Unard Is paraded at Governor Pattison's Inauguration or not. Nevertheless we havo the assurance of the Republican State Chairman that for a Governor to neglect any method of making a big parade at his inaugu ration is "demagognery." So IT seems that President Cleveland has at last arrived at that stage of his career where the public man discovers that be has written one too many letters. i The political organs of Philadelphia are raising an agitation for "a new Philadelphia." Perhaps one of the most direct methods to es tablish the desired end would be to clean out the gang of politicians that stuffed ballot boxes to order in the old Philadelphia; bat the organs do not appear to include that reform in their programme. The warm weather of Monday and Tues day brought down the price of turkeys. The gentle birds themselves will go down to-morrow. Chandler's plan of calling the old Legislature of New Hampshire together to pre vent the Democrats coming Into power, by virtue of the election ot a new Legislature, is a version of the Republican policy of legislating party control ttat will retnrn to plague the'in ventors. PERSONAL MENTION. Jules Verne is tho author of 21 novels. Wautj, the sculptor, whose statue of Greeley was lately unveiled in New York, has on hand statues ot Beecher. Conkllng and Sheridan. GoVeksob-elect Rtjssei.1,. of Massachu setts, has appointed Colonel Charles H. Tay lor, publisher of the Boston Globe, as his chief of staff. Captain Duxwoodt, of the Signal Serv ice, is being talked off as a possible Superin tendent of the National Weather Bureau under a civil regime. Cardinal Gibbons has sent a communica tion to the Catholic clergy directing that special services be held in the churches on Thankseiving day. Mes. Isabel Poland Rankin, daughter of the late Luke P. Poland, has giveu to the town of Morristowu, Vt., 1,000 toward a library which is being established there. The wife of Frederick Douglass delivered an address on Hayti before a colored high school in Washington last week, her talk being illustrated by magic-lantern views. WHILE the ex-Emporor of Brazil, Doin Pedro, was attending the scientific lectures and meet ings at Paris, the furniture in his former palace of Bon Vista was being sold at auction. Daniel Scams, the colored millionaire of San Francisco, ana perhaps the wealthiest member of his race in the United States, was formerly a steward on a Mississippi River steamboat. Eugene Fiixd has arrived back from Europe, and anions the curios he has with him is an axe with which Mr. Gladstone felled many trees at Hawarden, its genuineness at tested by a note from the G. O. M. Alfred Russell, of Detroit, one of the ablest lawyers in Michigan, is among those re cently thought of in connection with the vacancy on tho United States Supreme Court bench. He Is said to have the support of Sec retary Proctor and a large number of prominent men, and when in Washington last week called at the White House in company with Secretary Blaine. Count Alexander SzEcnxiryi. who was given up as lost, is soon expected at Vienna, Austria. The rumor was recently circulated that be had been assassinated at Honolulu. The Count has brought back from his distant voyages more than 1,000 photographic views from countries from which had not been visited by Europeans since the times of Cook and Vancouver. SECBETAEY STONE'S BEPOBT. An Interesting Variety of Subjects Treated of in tho Document. fSrECIAL TELEGRAM TO THE DISPATCH.'. Harrisburg, November 23. The aunnal report ot Secretary of the Commonwealth Stone, says: The receipt, examination, com pptation and compilation of election returns involve a va3t amount ot labor and consume much time. This labor is much greater than it need be, growingout of the fact that tho blanks used in the different counties aro not uniform and there is a surprising lack of care apd cor rectness in preparing and making out the re turns sent to this department. To illustrate, at the last general election the returns ot all the counties in the State but seven were found in correct in some particulars and had to be re turned for correction. To insure uniformity and to avoid ss far as possible these errors. I suggest that authority should be conferred upon the Secretary of the Commonwealth to prepare uniform blanks for election returns of all State elections and of all judicial and county officers required to be commissioned and that these blanks ,be furnished to the several counties." The number of commissions of all kinds issued since December 18, lSS8,was 4,311. Of this number 2,054 were to justices of the peace; 003 to notaries public and 43 to commissioners of deeds. There will be issued during the next month 411 commissions to the judges and county officers elected at the general election held November 4, 1KX). The number of death warrants Issued was 13. respites 29, death sentence commuted 7, pardons issued 49. From the Eastern Penitentiary 1,011 persons were discharged on orders lor deduc tion from the sentences of prisoners on account of good behavior: 430 from t"ie Western Peni tentiary and 4S8 from county prisons. The character of railroad business transacted, follows: Railroad charters granted 84, railroad charters amended 2, street railway charters granted 159. street railway charters issued on .acceptance of tho act of 1889, 85. HEARD IN COURT. A Slate Company That Claims Exemption From State Taxation. ISrECTAL TELBORASI TO THIS DISPATCH.! Harrisburg, November 25. The case against the East Bangor Consolidated Slate Company, doing business in Northampton county, was argued in the Dauphin county court to-day. The company contended that it was a manufacturing corporation, and as such, exempt from taxation; its business being to manufacture and marbleize slate, which it digs from its own mine. The Attorney General in sisted that that portion of its capital .sited in its mine did not come under the manufact uring exemption. No decision was readied. A case of quo warranto against Alexander N. Hartt, of Johnstown, was argued. On be half of the Commonwealth, it was argued that Hartt does not live in the ward In which he is actinc as magistrate, and that, therefore, he could not legally act. On behalf or Hartt, it was contended that his house had been washed away by the Johnstown flood and he had con templated moving into another one in the proper ward, which he proposed to rent as soon as its erection was completed. His attorney thought that the law ought to consider the necessities as well as the law and equity of the case. The Court reserved its decision. "GHOST DANCE" DES0BIBED. A Woman Missionary Writes of the Orgies of the Indians. Boston, November 25. A letter has been re ceived by the American Missionary Association from Miss M. C. Collins, whose regular station is on Grand River, Dakota. She wrote Novem ber 15 of the present Indian excitement: "I have been -up to Sitting Ball's and the dance is in f nil blast. It Is a most terrible thing the old sun dance with a newname. They dance facing the sun as long as possible and fall down, moan, groan, whoop and foam at the mouth like mad nogs. They do not yet cut the bodies, but that will ooo come. The men dress iu war dress and paint and feather,nd the women also take part and paint and wear feathers, which is a new feature." Miss Cellini states that fitting Bull has told the Indians to pay no attention to the orders of the agent or of the President: that ho would be witch the ammunition of soldiers so the cans won't kill. He is thoroughly bad. SNAP SHOTS IN SEASON, A woma;!' can have two strings to her how, but she shouldn't have two beaux. We like to laugh, don't we? It's not bard to makeuslauKh, either. It you don't believe this just drop into some of the places of amuse ment where jests and antics take the place of set speech and mind absorbing plot where tho comic side instead of the serious side of lite is turned to the audience. Such places aro crowded with men of all ages, of all conditions, of all fancies. The beardless youth touches elbows with the graybeard, the plow- boy jostles the city dude, the sober-faced man rubs acainst the fellow of tho laughing eyes. A great place to test the good natnre and study tho human race, to be sure. And there they sit in silence, all eyes focused on the footlights, awaiting the ticklers. First an awkward movement spreads a smile over the fixed faces, then a ludicrous situation draws forth a ripple, next an a,s;ed joke brings a merry laugh, finally a siiarp point is lost in a roar. And then the fun grows fast and furious. Laughs after the open ing outburst are not hard to secure. The melancholy looking fellows are red-faced and misty-eyed; the good-natured faces are mirth wrinkled; the small boy is shrieking, the old fogy is roaring. It's in tho air. No harsh words, sour looks, angry glances there all lost in the laugh which links the soul to the sunshine. The mirth makers, too, join in tho merriment, and good nature reigns supreme. It's a cheerful sight, isn't it? You came lired, you go away rested. Ihe smile has chased off the sorrow, the laugh has lightened the load. Out into the night you carry the memory ot the mirth, and the knowl edge that tho world would sooner smile than weep. You have seen how easy it is to distil mirth andbott!e wrath. You have learned that smiles breed smiles, that jest spreads joy, that it is easier to tickle than to torment. Go and join the laughers some time, and see how it is yourself. Don't chase a lie, but pursue the liar with all your energy. If yon ride a hobby it is only a question ot time until you are thrown. Expert gamblers have winning ways. Fools become famous if they only manage to amuse the world. Porter will watch with interest the count of the ayes and nays in Congress on the motion to investigate the census. The football fields are full of halfbacks, quarterbacks, full backs,broken backs, bruised shins and split scalps. A great deal of whalebone necessarily goes to waist. A DREAM THE WAKING. I stood beside the ocean in a tropic land. Above blue sky, which met a bluer sea, Whose frothy waves dashed 'gainst a coral strand. Whose soft mists settled o'er a flow'ry lea. On white-patbed hills the oleanders grew; O'er lily fields bright-feathered songsters flew. No thing of Commerce rode upon the waves To bring the dreamer back to thoughts pf life; The only sounds came from deep coral caves Whose walls were crumbling 'neath the wat'ry strife. No rushing feet, no babbling tongues.no cries A noiseless world a dream of Paradise. Here could no sorrow come, no worldly woe A lifeless Life, with Nature for a bride; The only tumult when the winds would blow, The only shadows when the snn would hide. No tears, no torments for the heart or soul; A flow'ry pathway to the heavenly goal. Thus did the fancy lead the mind astray And paint the picture of a hollow life. Made up of endless bliss and night less day. Whose joy at last would lead to bitter strife. A dream of earthly ease in region blest. Which, if fulfilled, would bring a restless rest. Far out npon the waves, where sky met sea, A ship was rising, headed for the shore; A sweeter vision brongbt that sail to me Than that which held me captive just before. Ah, Fancy's child, 'twere foolish to believe Earth holds a Paradise without an Eve. There's enough water in the floating debts of some corporations, but they sink for all that. The newspapers in the University towns are devoting columns to football matches and par agraphs to the work of tbo colleges. Brawn instead of brain is being crowned with laurel. Harrison should follow Victoria's example, and make his message meaty. Speech is silver, and Congress is full of sil ver men. JayGould will eat arailroad for his Thanks giving dinner. Perhaps he'll choke on a spike some day. If cities conld sue for libel, Pittsburg would have a clear case against the Philadelphia Jiecord. It has been imposed on by some natural gas liar at space rates. Cutting remarks wound the feelings and sever friendships. You cannot convert an idolator by breaking his idols. He must perform that work him self. Wall street is doubtless so named be cause so many Arms there go to the wall. It is a good sign to see morality entering pol itics. . The wholesale arrests of the wholesale liquor dealers who have been violating the law will doubtless have a wholesome effect. Receivers will be more numerous this Thanksgiving than last, thanks to the wildcat speculators. Business men who form a partnership with the Sheriff have not been strictly attending to business. Just a little sugar, just a little rye; Just a little lemon, just a little '-flyr"' Just a little headache, just a little "plain," And in a few hours the old man's drunk again. The spark of love makes the eyes flash. THE women who paint cannot draw well. This may seem strange, but it is true. Specialists are offering articles on "How to Play Football." Better tell the players how to set broken limbs and dress scalp wounds. The Indian Messiah has been found, and the settlers are crying, "Crucify him!" Ihe women are artistically putting the fin ishing touches on tho World's Fair muddle. The social sponge absorbs, bnt will not give up anythiiig when squeezed. Cultivate the art of listening, but don't strain the bearing to catch whispers or place the ears to keyholes to secure secrets. Indians are scaring the settlers in the West and speculators are scaring settlers in the Easu Imagination and cigarettes have killed a Jersey boy. It seems strance that any person who smokes cigarettes could have any imagina tion. Monet is tight, but if the financiers keep sober no harm will be done. Make room for the school children. Don't overcrowd their minds or their bodies. The Indians are ungrateful. They want to lick the hands that feed them. Willie Winkle. Deer Will Roam In Highland Park. Marvin Sealfe has donated the Highland Park a herd of deer that coat him 11,000. SOCIAL PLEASURES. Details of tho Brown-Boyle Wedding Mrs. Motion's Reception in Honor of Mrs. William Larimer Jones Several Other Weddings anil Receptions Society's Doings. The bandsoino stnno residence ot Mr. J. D. Boyle, on Ellsworth avenue, was crashed and decorated last evening for the second wedding to takn place within its walls this month. The Drlde this time was Miss Margaret Boyle, a noted beauty, and the groom was Mr. Harry Broun, the wealthy coal merchant, ot the Arm of II. H. Brown's Sons. The wedding was a brilliant affair, and just as elaborate and elegant In detail, though not nearly so large, as the one which united the bride's sister. Miss Laura Adelaide, to Mr. Ed ward H. Brainerd. the first of the month. At 8 o'clock the bridal procession was announced by the strains of the wedding inarch, and filed down the staircase that had been trans formed into a floral pathway. Into the drawing room. The bride and groom en tered together, preceded br the maid of honor. Alias Hetty Boyle, and Messrs. Augustus P. Burgwin and Robert H. Boyle, who officiated as ushers. Two clergymen, both eminent Presbyterian divines, were deemed necessary to tie the nuptial knot. Rev. Mr. Holmes, of the Shady side Presbyterian Church, assuming the main portion of the ceremonious duties, assisted by Rev. Dr. Kumler, of the East Liberty Church. The bridal attire was one especially suited to the beautiful, regal bride who donned it. Ele gant brocaded satin formed the groundwork for an exquisite front draping of costly duchess lace, and extended into a full train. The bodice was cut V front and back, and finished with frills of duchess. Over all a lung veil of marvelous delicacy of texture fell in irraceful folds, and, with an immense bouquet of bride roses, white gloves and diamond ointments, completed the toilet. In buttercup yellow the maid of honor appealed; her cirlish gown being fashioned of softsilk, in modish design. Roses of tbo same hue compiled her bouquet. Chrysanthemums were the flowers used in the decorations, and the various apartments were In decided and distinctive colors. Against a tropical background magnificent pink blossoms outlined their beautv in the drawing room: in tho library yellow was the prevailing color, and the reception ball was warmly tinted with the brilliant red flowers. In tho dining room bronze and pink were combined verv effect ively, the centerpiece upon the main table being a masterpiece arranged ot the most perfect pick blossoms that towered from amid a wealth of ferns placed in an exquisite bowl of Doulton. The delicacies, served oy Kuhn, were in per fect keeping with the floral embellishments. A late train took Mr. and Mrs. Brown away for the honeymoon. On their return they will occupy the magnificent new residence on Forbes street, built by the groom. The presents were exceedingly elegant, the bride's father's being a full dinner service of solid silver, and will be very appropriate in the splendid home which they willgrace. A BRILIIANT BECEPTION Tendered Yesterday Afternoon by Mrs. James Mellon to Mrs. W. L. Jones. The reception yesterday afternoon given by Mrs. James R. Mellon, at her lovely home on Nepley avenue, in honor of Mrs. William Lari mer Jones, was in every way a delightful affair, and one worthy of introdncing the pretty little bride, in her new role, to the social set of the city. As Miss Daisy Dilworth, Mrs. Jones was noted for her wonderfnl attractiveness, and, according to friends who met tho little lady yesterday for the first time since her brilliant marriage, her charms are greatly increased by the pretty matronly airs that are so becoming to her. Mrs. Jones wore her white bridal attire, which contrasted effectively with tho more somber-hued but none the less rich costume of the hostess. The residence and lawn were rendered ex ceedingly festive by a profusion of rhododen drons and their foliage, which Is a decided favorite of Mrs. Mellon, who is quite a bntanist, furtner carried out her hotanistlc ideas by having the menu printed upon dainty orchid leaves, the petals and stem combining to Torm an easel. Kuhn served the supper. SYMPATHY FOE AN INVALID Lends to a Testimonial Benefit to he Given Tills Evening. The testimonial benefit to bo given Miss E. M. Simpson, in the High School chapel, this evoning will be a thoroughly enjoyable event, The programme consists of musical and elocu tionary numbers, to be rendered by prominent talent. Those who will appear are Mr. Sam Brown, Miss Letta Stewart, Miss Irene Sample. Mr. C. C. Rlnebart, Mr. W. S. Weeden, Mr. C. K. Stewart and Miss Edith Harris. The man agement is in the hand; ofa committee, includ ing Superintendent George Lnckey, Principal O. B. Wood, Profs. RohrDacker, Carhart ana Ogden. The serious protracted Illness of Miss Simp son, a veteran teacher in the public schools, has aroused the sympathy not only of "all her for mer pupils, but of a great many outsiders as well, and a full house is anticipated. As Enjoyable as Usual. One of the always enjoyable entertainments nnder the auspices of the King's Sons and Daughters of St. Peter's Church, was given last evening in the Sunday schoolroom of that sanc tuary. The opening address nas delivered by Mr. C. C. Dickey, and the others who appeared upon the programme in various numbers were the Misses Gelty, Miss H. Grimes, Miss Besslo L. Dickey, Miss Camillo Will, and Messrs. J. A. Hlbbard and J. F. Hetzel. Refreshments of a delicious order were served at tho conclusion. Social Chatter. Mr. and Mrs. Will McCullough Graf ton, of Sewickley, gave an elegant reception lastovening at the Park Place Hotel. Miss Chew, Mrs. Grafton's daughter, assisted in re ceiving, and Sewickley circles were reinforced among the guests Quite largely from Pittsburg and Allegheny. Mrs. Thomas Jamison deviated from the usual rule and invited gentlemen as well as ladies to lierl o'clock tea yesterday afternoon. As a consequence brighter faces, more be witching toilets and more interesting conversa tion than is usually the case characterized the event. The First Primitive Methodist Church will give a grand tea party Thanksgiving day and the Friday following. The evening, after the services of tea, will be devoted to literary and musical programmes. Rev. and Mrs. S. H. McCorkle were ten dered a pleasant reception last evening at the First Congregational Church, of Allegheny, of which Rev. Mr. McCorkle is the recently se cured pastor. Mr. and Mrs. E. Ingram, of Chartiers street, celebrated their china wedding last evening, and as a result glory in china closets filled with much that is rare and desirable in that line. The marriage of Miss Marian Russel, daughter of Colonel Young, of Taylor avenue, to Mr. James O'Neil, will be celebrated at 5:50 this evening, at the residence on Taj lor ave nue. THE Smithfleld Street M. E. Church will give a Thanksgiving concert Thursday evening. The programme Includes some very fine musical selections, elocution and humor. Rev. De Wilt M. Benham will deliver his lecture on the "Passion Play at Oberammrr cau" to-morrow evening at the rooms of the East Liberty branch of the Y. M. C. A. At the Linden Club hall last evening Henry L. Rlngwalt's choir of 25 voices, assisted by the Point Breeze Orchestra and several popular soloists, gave an enjoyableconcerr. Miss Lena M. aull and Mr. William M. Meyers were married yesterday morning in the St Peter's and St. Paul's Church, on Larimer avenue, by Rev. Father Suehr. The ladies of the Home and Foreign Mis sionary Society, of Trinity Lutheran Church, will bold their annual supper Thanksgiving Eve: hours from 5 to 7. The marriage of Miss Kate Ratlcan and Mr. Harry Evans was solemnized last evening at the residence of the bride's parents In Alle gheny. The ladles of the Denny Church, LIgonier and Thirty-fourth streets, will give a Thanks giving Eve coffee, doughnut and ice cream social. Rev. T. J. Leak. D. D., will lecture on Fri day evening at the Walton M. E. Church. Subject, "Through Palestine on Horseback." The Sons of St. George, English Standard Lodge 81, will celebrate their anniversary De cember 13, at the Lawrence Turner Hall. ON December 16 the Sovereigns of Industry, Columbia Council 49, will give an entertain ment in Turner Hall, on Butler street. Mrs. a L. Fleishman, of Locust street, en. tertained with progressive euchre last evening a gay company of friends. . A Thanksgiving Eve concert will be given in the German M. E. Church, Ohio street and Union avenue. Mrs. J. H. BICKETSON, of Ridge avenue, has issued cards for an evening reception, De cember 1 IMPORTANT CONCERT. The Beethoven Quartet Club at Old City Hall Finished Work of 3Ir. Retter and 1IU Associates Amusement Notes. The most important concert thus far yielded by the promising season of '1890-91 was that of our. own Beethoven Quartet Club at Old City Hall last night. Mr. Carl Retter, director and pianist, Mr. Fred G. Toerge, violin, Mr. George Toerge, viola, and Mr. Charles F. Cooper, violoncello the regular members of this quartet were assisted In one number last evening by Mr. Louis Abel, flute, and Mr. Oscar Loebllcb, French horn. The vocalist was Miss Clen.entine De Vere. ot New York, the brilliant young woman whose constant ap pearance In the country's best concerts, to say nothing of her unprecedented church salary, entitle her to be called the most prominent soprano now before the American public. The programme read thus: Capncelo. quartet, op. 43, for piano and string Instruments J onr Nocturne, op. 19, for violin, flute, i'rench born and nlano finnnipr Aria. "Herodlade" llassenet bonate. op. 47 (Kreutzer), for piano and . violin Beethoven Adacio sostenoto. presto. Andante con variazlonl. Finale, presto. Scenc-bliadovr dance. "DInorah" Meyerbeer Quartet, op. 33, for piano and strinjr lnstrn- .roents Taubert Allejcro commodo. Komanze, adagio molto, cantablle. Intermezzo, vivace. Finale, molto virace. In almost every particular this was an admir able selection and arrangemont, preserving a high standard while affording a due amount of variety and novelty. Mobrs Capriccio. a simile andante movement with an interlude in rapid temno, possesses abundant interest, both melodic and structural, to warrant Its repetition from a former programme of this club. Beethoven's noble and beautiful Kreutzer" Sonata is all too seldom heard; snch a classic needs not the adventitious aid nf an Iconoclastic tartar to make it at all times welcome. T1f the numbers were complete novelties in Pittsburg. Indeed, the nocturne was such, not only as to the musical Ideas themselves, but also as to the combination of Instruments chosen as the vehicle for their expression. It is pleasant to see the wlna instruments even occasionally nowadays accorded the place in chamber music which once they held so firmly. Mr. Doppler's piece is melodious and the tonal effect undeniably good: there is not enough musicianship in its development, however, to give it hich rank in this department of com position. The other novelty was Taubert's quartet, of which the first movement seemed, on first bearing, rather incoherent, though with mo ments of power. Tho rnmanzo began with a neb, broad melody for viola, which was then gracefully discussed by tho other strings and subsequently gave way to a remarkably fine, glowing treatment of epi-odaic material, fol lowed by a return of the original melody anda lew reminiscent measures forminc a lingering close; it was a beautiful and effective move ment. The scberzo-liko intermezzo was grotesque and somewhat dry; but the all too brief hnale made a climax of great fervor, breadth and power. Mr. Retter and his associates have never done cleaner and more finished ensemble play-'h2- Taking the quartet numbers throughout, the interpretation was artistically satisfying to a high degree. Minor blemishes could be pointed out here and there; nut with the sjnsle exception of the flatting flute in tbo nocturne there was no defect that could seriously interfere wltn the enjoyment that tho listeners very heartily expressed throughout the evening. The posi tive excellencies were too many to be enumer ated within this morning's limits of space and time. Mr. Retter and Mr. Fred Toerge merit especial praise for their faithful and intelli gent performance of the sonata, which makes no small demand unon head, heart and hands. Miss DeVere, while evidently a wee bit hoarse and being, as a stranger, even more than the others, open to the depressing inilu ence of the empty benches, tborouchly sus tained her high repute. The Massenet aria, with its emotional intensity and lack of sus tained melody, formed a particularly trying selection to sing in the absence ot an orchestra and a large audience. But Miss De Vere made a noble and successful effort to overcome these draw backs, and well earned the double recall to which she had to respond. In the familiar "Shadow Dance" there was less difficulty: she delivered Meyerbeer's brilliant flonlun with almost flawless execution, admirable phrasing and intelligence. The Insistent applanse broucht the singer back taking off herglove, so as to accompany herself in a charming little French ballad, which she sang with a graceful archness and winsome tenderness quite in con trast with the dramatic fire of the "Herodlade" aria and the brilliant fire works of the Meyer beer scene. It is altogether incomprehensible that so promising a concert and so well advertised, too should have mustered an audience that seemed lost among the waste of empty scats in the big hall. Small credit to Pittsburg to show such faint appreciation of the two seasons of faithful, unselfish work in the cause of art done by this excellent organization. The sub scription being so small, Mr. Retter states that the club will probably cancel its contracts, re fund what has been paid for the balance of the series proposed and adjourn sine die. A thou sand pities, if this determination be final t C. W. S. GILMOKE'3 CONCERTS. Two Great Musical Treats on Thanksgiving Day Under Jr. O. U. A. M. Auspices. There is not the slightest chance of the only Gilmore and his great band disappointing their numerous admirers on Thanksgiving Day, and the two concerts in Old City Hall promise to be among tbe prime attractions of the holiday. For this musical treat Pittsburgersare indebted to the enterprise of Acme Council No. 219, Jr. O. U. A. M.. under whose auspices tbe concert) are to be given. That tbero will be brimming bouses at both performances is certain, seeing that the friends of tbe Jr. O. U. A. 51. and Gil more himself will be out in force. In addition to tbe magnificent band of which he is tbe leader, Gilmore will present two singers of na tional reputation. The prima donna. Miss Ida Klein, is spoken of as a very rich and sweet voiced soprano from the Metropolitan Opera House in New York, where only the best of singers are utilized. Tbe basso, Mr. Edward O'Mahony, was for a number of seasons with the Carl Rosa Opera Company in England, and has sung with Mr. Gilmore in New York enouih to become a great favorite there. Tbe pro grammesare richly varied, that for tbe afternoon including such excellent numbers as the over tare to Wagner's "Rlenzi," a grand selection from Meyerbeer's operas, tbe American Patrol, and some exquisite solos for Miss Klien and Mr. O'Mahony. The evening programme is also a brilliant one, including tho overture to Wagner's "Tannhauser," a number of operatic selections, and tbe crand popular fantaisie "Rose, Shamrock and Thistle," introducing the popular melodies of England. Ireland and Scotland. Miss Klein will sing among other tbines. tho jewel scene from Gonnod's "Faust." Emma Jucli Opera Sale. Nearly 150 seats were sold at auction yester day noou for the opening performance of the Emma Jucn Grand English Opera Company's engagement at tbe new Duquesne Theater on Monday evening next. The sale took place at Haves' music store. No. 75 Fifth avenue. Many of the seats brought premiums of 82 50 each. Three boxes were sold at premium of S20 each. There still remains about 800 desirable seats and several boxes for the opening night, which are to be sold at regular prices at the general sale, which begins at 9 o'clock this morning; also at Hayes' music store. Seats for any of the seven performances announced for next week may be had only at this place. The rep ertoire and nights that Miss Juch will sing are as follows: Monday, Huguenots," Juch: Tues day. "Rigoletto:" Wednesday. "Lohengrin." Juch; Thursdav, 'Faust:"Friday,"L'Africaine," Juch; Saturday matinee. "II Trovatore;" Satur day night, "The Flying Dutchman." Juch. DEATHS OP A DAY. B. T. Shillaber. ;SFSCIAL TELEGBAM TO THE DI3PATCIT.1 New York. November 25. Ben i'enhallow Shillaber, the famous humorist and poet, widely known as "Mrs. Partington, " died to-day of heart disease at his home In Chelsea, ilass. He was born In Portsmouth, . H.. on July K, 1SI4. He was educated at the famous academy at Exeter, and while yet In bis teens he toot no the composing stlct iu Dover, S. II., as a means of earning his living. Alter live years In a country pnrltlng office he went to Pemarara, Guiana, where he followed his trade for three years, lie returned In 1840 and entered tbe office at the Boston .Pot. It was about seven years later that the exquisitely funny sayings of "Mrs. Parting ton" In the columns of that Journal began to tickle tbe ribs or the whole country. The old lady's absurdities contained many grotesquely clothed bits or sound philosophy, which made tueiu live, and gave their author a permanent place In literary lamp. In 1830Mr. fehlllaber entered upon some journal istic ventures or his own. but resumed his place on the Post two years later. Then In 1836, and during tbe ten years following, be was one of the editors of tbe Boston Saturday Lventng GazetU. contributing at the same time to other papers, the Una XoTk Ht among tbe number, some years ago he undertook a lecturing tour, but wa not entirely successful. In spite of drawbacks, how ever, bblllaber accumulated modest means, and for some years had lived peacefully In his quiet home at Chelsea. Ills health had been poor lor a long time, and he had done little literary woik slnce the publication of bU last volnuio In ISSi - Colonel J. II. Schumart. prni,TH,ti t" ,,si"PiTrii.' Youxgstows, November 25. Colonel J. H. Schumart. of Cincinnati, agent of tbe Pennsyl vania Mutual Life Insurance Company, died at the Tod House this arternoon, after a week's Ill Bess, of typhoid pneumonia, CUfiiOOS CONDENSATIONS. A ton of gold is worth 5602,709 20. One thousand laths require about 11 pounds of nails. Consumption of the last pickle does not lead to the production of a poni. A one-eyed perch was caught in the Ohio river at Steubenville last week. It is estimated that over 100,000 tons of ice still remain stored around Lake Champlain. At Greenwich the moon has been ob served with scarcely an intermission for 150 years. The biggest firm in Oregon is said to be Cume & Davis, of Shedd, the combined weight of the two men being 600 pounds. There are five women and one man liv ing at 162 Amherst street, Toronto, who sleep every night in their respective cofflns. Reading cars, fitted out with the most popular periodicals and boola. will be attached to tbe passenger trains of the St. Petersburg and Warsaw Railroad. The earliest mention of holly in connec tion with Christmas embellishment is a carol in its praise, written about 1450 and preserved in the Harleian manuscripts. Spearing salmon in Eogue river, Oregon, has furnished rather tame sport to numbers during the past few weeks. Many ranchers are feeding them to their stock hogs. Tbe isolated Galapagos archipelago is a rich repository of animal and vegetable forms. Its flora differs by one-half of its spe cies from that of the rest of the globe. A singular disease has recently been called to the attention of physicians. It is a form of recession of the gums of the superior molars, which is said to be due to the use ot tomatoes as food. The bee belt of Colorado is that portion of the Bear Creek valley in Jefferson county lying between the towns of Morrison and Little ton. There are fully 2,500 working colonies in tbe district named. The sun gives 600,000 times as much light as the full moon; 7,000,000,000 times as ranch as tbo brightest star in the sky, and 3C.C0O,0CO times as much as all tbe stars in the heavens combined. In England's Australasian properties the sale ot opium to the aborigines and kanakas Is very large, and tbe druir is even given in wages. Tbe Presbyterian General Assembly has asked tbe government to stop it, The Alaskan section is peculiarly suited to maritime life and, in climate, soil and sur face, resembles Scandinavia. In this section there Is little scope for agriculture; but mining and fishing would be natural occupations. The late President Grant once spoke of onr Western Cordilleras as the "strongbox" of tbe nation. He realized the fact which many people are slow to recognize, that the larger part of oar resources is west of the Missis sippi. Some hunters will not eat the meat of a deer that has been run and worried by dogs, but only ot those which have oeen killed by what Is called still hunting that Is, which are shot and killed and so don't suffer much be fore they die. By way ot testing the speed of flight in Dirds of tho swallow kind, Spallanzani captured and marked a sand martin or bank swallow the feeblest of Its genus on her nest at Pavia and set her free at Milan, 15 miles away. She flew back in 13 minutes. It is not so well known as it might be that Cincinnati, O- has an industry whicS is now tbe largest of Its kind in the world, viz.: that of woodworking machinery. The prod ucts of the various firms engaged in it are shipped to every clime and nation. The group of bodies termed by chemists the carbo-hydrates because they are com posed of carbon united with oxygen and hydro gen In the proportion in which those two ele ments combine to form water contain the well-known series of sugars, gums and. starches. Tho ready recovery from wounds and the success of grave surgical operations during our Civil War, under circumstances which were on the whole less advantageous than those which attend tbe conduct of war in Europe, prove that the American body has more recupeiattve power than that of the European. While Mr. Williams, of Montezuma, Ga., was driving under an oak tree as dusk tbe other day he was amazed to find hf3 horse leave the ground and remain in the air. Investiga tion proved that the affair was not super natural, as the animal had got caught In a swing hanging from a bough of the tree. "One good cizar smoked after each meal," says Dr. William A. Hammond, "is what may be called moderate use. and can rarely inflict any damage to the system. The exceptions occur in those persons of peculiar organization, impressionable and easily dis turbed by stimulants, sedatives or narcotics." A very expensive fad is having your portrait cut as an onyx cameo. The work is very slow, difficult and laborious. The image when done is permanent and will last for cen turies. There are enough people in New York who enjoy this kind of extravagance to give constant employment to five cameo portrait carvers. A Japanese chef, or fancy cook, finds employment from bis own nationality in pre paring the fish dinners which are so prominent a feature of life in the land of the Mikado. One of bis pet masterpieces consists of a large blue tlsb. which, when served, has not a single scale broken, and which, when opened, contains a sea bass, and that In turn one or two smaller fishes in equally perfect condition. Some years ago, a farmer living near Rowton, in Shropshire, noticed on a path in a field a hole which had been suddenly made by some mysterious and unknown agent. The laborers who were near told him that they had just heard a remarkable noise or explo sion; and when the farmer put his band down into the hole, he felt something hot at the bot tom of it. He took a spade and dag up the strange body, and found it to be a piece of iron, weighing about five pounds. The Dominion of Canada embraces to day, undur one Federal Government, the entire territory of British North America, including the islands, with tbe exception of Newfound land, which has so far preferred to remain out side the confederation. This vast area is di vided into seven Provinces ana fourTerritories. Tho Provinces are as follows, taken in the order of their population and wealth: Ontario, Ouebec Nova Scotia. New Brunswick. Mani toba Prince Edward Island and British Colum bia. ' The four Territories, which include vast areas or prairie land in the great Northwest, very thinly populated, are Alberta, Assiniboia East, Assiniboia West and Saskatchewan. THE HTIM0B0TJS C0SNEE. "He wasin the van allt hrough the fight." "Very likely along with the luggaze." Jew l"or Sun. Sanso Old Brown lived long, but his last years were spent In a poorhouse. Kodd-Taen he lived long and died short, eh? Kea York Herald. Mrs. A. Does your husband believe ia corporal punishment In the household? jlr. B. Only to a certain point. He's always whipping the children, bat he thinks the dost should be got out of the carpet by moral suasion. Chicago Evening Post. One pessimist claims there has not been a fresh Joke in six centnrles. A moment's thought will disprove this. The Joke of th man who put J his band on the newly painted post to see if it's dry Is certainly fresh, for It it wasn't Jresh there wsuld be no Jote in It. Fniladelpnla. Timej. Wile (reading paper) I always held that Colonel Hooker was an honest man. I see that a man filled him full ofbuckshot lastnlght. II usband Where does the nonest part come lnr " hy tills article says he returned the shot." liije. Henry (with spelling book) Papa, what Is a fortification? Papa-It's a large fort. Henry Then is a ramification a large ram? Harper's loung People. Sanso Fiahts are never conducted squarely. liodd Why do yon say so? Sjanso Because they are conducted by rounds. P. S.-Thlslokels expected to fall flat,-.V York Herald. ,. She They have discovered some wood in Egypt which la said to be 4,000 years old. I won- jt der what kind it is? 3 He (lmperturbably) Chestnut, of conrse.-ifl Wathingtm Star. JV "Why does Captain Thomas wear a glass ? eye?" asked Johnnie. "Ho! lon't you know?" queried Sallie, scorn fully. "So 'a lie can see Uiruush it. stupid." liarper't Yonng reople. "I'm feeling very HI again, doctor. Do you think 1 am going to die?" "My desr madam, compote yourself- That Is the last thing la the world that Is going to hsppeaf tojoa,"-it, t t ' " m -v 2
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers