"prTwTWm-- .--x t'C- -jpgrc gxsff ,,'PF7'5?sw5fsfnP f- - fn-srj J?"" Wr THE PITTSBURG DISPATCH, SATURDAY, ""OCTOBER 18, 1890. 3- welcomed everywhere. big, bright, entertaining. twenty eight-cclumn pages. 160 oispch 160 COLUMNS TO-MORROW COLUMNS WILL BE COMPLETE ALL OVER. LATEST NON-PARTISAN POLITICS. READERS WILL GET EVERYTHING TO BE OBTAINED AT HOME AND FROM OVER THE SEA. 20 PAGES THE BEST on CONTRIBUTORS AND 4U CORRESPONDENTS. PAGES HIGH CLASS FICTION. TALES OF TRAVEL AND ADVENTURE. ALL THE SPORTING GOSSIP. LATEST MARKET REPORTS. LARGEST AND BEST. READ THE CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS IF YOU WANT ANYTHING. SERVED BY MAIL OR CARRIER. ALL NEWS AGENTS HANOLE IT. ESTABLISHED VoL IS. o. S53. Entered at l'lttsburg l'ostomce. November 14, 1857. as second-class matter. Business OfficeCorner Smithfleld and Diamond Streets. News Booms and Publishing: House 75, 77 and 79 Diamond Street. EASTERN ADVERTISING OFFICE, ROOMS, TRIBUNE UUILD1NG. NEW YORK, -where complete flies or THE DISl'ATCH can always be lound. Foreign aavertleers appreciate the con venience. Home advertisers and friends of THE DISPATCH, while la hen York, are also made welcome. THE DISPATCH is regularly on tale a Jit enlano's, 6 Union Square, Jfew York, and 1" Ave. de rOpera, Paris, Prance, where any one who has been disappointed at a hotel tutcs stand can obtain U. TERMS Or THE DISPATCH. I I.S.TAGZ TREE IS THE UJJUXD STATES. riAILT IMsriTCIt, One Year. is 00 Datlt IJisrATcn, l'er Quarter zoo Daily Dispatch, UncMouih , ro Daily Dispatch, hicludlngSunday, lyear. 1000 Daily Dispatch, racludlnKSunday.Jin'ths. iSO Daily Dispatch, including Sunday. laionta 90 s-USTAY DisrATcn. One Year ISO EiKLY Dispatch, One lcar 115 The Daily DisrAicn Is delivered by carriers at II cents per ivcek, or including bmday edition, '?iicciits ttr Mreelc PITTSBURG. SATURDAY. OCT. 18. 1KKX ORIGINAL PACKAGES ONCE MORE. Sor the distressing news comes that the original package lat is all in the fire azain. "When the Wilson bill passed Congress it was fondly supposed to end the matter. But according to the decision of the United States Circuit Court atTopeka, Kan., the old puzzle is still in force until all the States which have prohibition or license laws get their legislatures together and enact their laws over again. The reasoning of the decision is that when Congress enacted that traffic in intoxi cating liquors between the various States shall be carried on subject to the legislative regulation or prohibition of the States, it could only authorize this so far as regards State legislation adopted after the passage of the national law. This appears to be based on the prohibition of retroactive leg islation: in which there is a decided confu sion between the idea of punishing offenses committed before the passage of the Wilson bill, which would be retroactive, and that of requiring observance of police regulations already established, which is not retroactive. But this is a small matter beside'the di lemma in which we are landed, if this new decision stands as law. The report of the case indicates an idea that the States can pass their regulative or prohibitory laws over again; but it clearly asserts that Con gress cannot enact that State regulations in force st the time of the passage of that measure shall have the force of law over inter-State liquor traffic. But this is ex actly wh .t Congress undertook to do in the passage of the Wilson bill; and the decision therefore really declares the law invalid. Co nsequeutly the wholebusiness must be com menced dc novo. Congress must pass its bill oace more, conforming it to the judicial views; and after this is done the States can wrestle with the liquor question from the foundation up. But until this is done, all the regu-ation that has been enacted can not control the original package business, according to th's last judicial deliverance. The more our learned judges have to do with this original package question the more hopelessly and irretrievably they muddle it NEW ORLEANS NEEDS A BATH. Men are very free with their revolvers in .Kcw Orleans, and the bloody chain of events beginning with the shooting of the Chief of Police and ending with the assas sination of hs murderer in the prison cell yesterday will bear comparison with the finest samples of muider as practiced by expert South American artists. The de-inoralizat'-n of 2ev Orleans, attributable in part to corrupt politics and the ener vating poison of the lottery, is one of the festering spots in the body of this nation. Uew Orleans may need levees to keep out the Mississippi, but a flood is required to give her morality a purification. TO CORRECT THE CENSUS. Thus far the dispute over the census of Sew York has resolved itself mainly into a competition in assertions, on one side, that the police census is inflated for political effect, and, on the other, that the United States census was negligently taken, for the same reason. One journalistic champion of Mr. Porter has flung itself into the breach with a claim that the police census corrobo rates the United States enumeration, the difference of 197.000 being due to the people who were away fiom the city on their sum mer vacation when the census was taken. .But the allegation that one-fifth of the population were all away in July, is rather too much lor the general digestion. The dispute has continued with little better effect than a mutual jawing match, until the New Yorkers have brought it back to the domain of reason by presenting their enumeration to the United States authorities as the basis of a request for a recount and comparison under the authority of the United States. This is a reasonable demand, and more over it is presented in a form which reduces the labor of obtaining a correct count to a minimum. The Hew Yorkers present their count as prima facie evidence that nearly 200,000 names belonging to that city are omitted from the United States census. They do not claim this count shall be taken as final. But they present lists which can be compared with those taken by the United States enumerators, and claim that where there are discrepancies the census au thories should investigate them, and credit to 2Tew York whatever addition of popula tion fairly belongs there It is difficult to see how such a claim can be negatived. It is only claiming what is due. If .New York has 1,710,000 population that population should be credited in the apportionment. If there are but 1,513,000 population there, the figures should stand. But when a prima facie case to the effect that a large share of the population is un counted is presented in a shape which makes comparison and investigation easy, the functions of the census are not properly Mje Biggaftfr. FEBRUARY S. 1S48. discharged unless the investigation is promptly and thoroughly made. I The principle is important, because it applies equally to the whole country. We take little stock in the allegations that the United States census figures have been manipulated for political purposes. As The Dispatch has pointed out before, the burdening of the enumeration with unnecessary and unpopu lar inquiries, is sufficient to explain its in adequacy and to make it probable that it will show similar shortages in other places. Until it is made complete and thorough in all cases where there is reason to suspect its insufficiency, the purpose for which the cen sus is authorized has not been fulfilled. If any city has sufficient interest in its reputa tion and its proper standing in the appor tionment to discover prima facie proof that a material part of its population has been omitted from the count, it is the duty of the Census Bureau to make such an investiga tion as is asked by New York. We believe such a procedure would result it. a material increase for Pittsburg above the 238,000 population with which she is at present credited. But Pittsburg does not seem desirous enough of taking her proper rank among cities To move in the matter. MR. ANDREWS' CHARACTERISTICS. The address of State Chairman Andrews which burst upon the political atrrosphere concurrently with the boisterous winds of night before last, has two characteristic features. One is the grievous complaint of the opponents of Delamater for personal abuse; the other is the unique theory de veloped concerning the effect of the elec tion of a Governor in one State, on the vote for President in another State two years later. The originality of Mr. Andrews' logic on these points makes his address de serving ot preservation in the dime muse ums as a curiosity of political literature. Mr. Andrews' complaint about the abuse and slanders of the opposition is suggestive of the tendency of extremely intoxicated persons to think that every one else is drunk. Whether Mr. Andrews is "intoxi cated with the exuberance of his own verbosi ty" is not further important as indicating the necessity that his associates should sober him up. But the production of an address which contains nothing of pertinence to the campaign, except unsubstantiated and facti tious allegations against the opposition, and at the same time cries out because the oppo sition has been attacking its candidate, is a fresh manifestation of political silliness. Pattison is a demagogue because he walked from the Harrisburg station to the Capitol, nstead of spreading himself is a carriage according to the Andrews style; Wallace would not support the State ticket, if he did not see a chance to steal the State by a gerrymander; Scott, Cassidy and Singerly were bosses: "characterless men have been suborned," meaning Messrs. Humes, Beach andOdell, the last named one being at last accounts suborned to stick to the Delamater side; but the awful crime of spreading "the slime of slauder" has been committed in making definite charges against the Repub lican candidate of violating the Constitu tion, of suppressing investigation into a violation of law, of purchasing votes, and of defeatinga party associate, an old soldier, because he would not agree to a bargain about the deposits of public funds, which ap pear to have been the polestar of Mr. Delamater's political career. To give the details of these allegations; to produce the evidence; and to challenge for it the test of investigation by judicial authority is Mr. Andrews' idea of slander. But to splutter out iu an official address whatever puerile imagination can manufacture against the opposition is also that gentleman's theory of political leadership. But this feature is surpassed by Mr. Andrews' deliverance to the effect that if Beaver had been elected in 1882, Blaine would have carried New York in 1884. This is brought out by Mr. Andrews' final resort to the pitiful plea that the people of Penn sylvania mustnot stand upforcleanState ad ministration and the supremacy of the Cons titution and laws over the corporations and politicians, for fear it would hurt National politics. To forestall the obvious reply that Pennsylvania after giving Pattison 40,000 plurality in 1882 gave Blaine 80,000 in 1884, Mr. Andrews evolves from his mighty in tellect the following: Our answer Is that if Beaver had been elected in 1SS2 all the election villainies usual to New York could not have counted oat Blaine in 18S4, anil to now with Delamater and the entire State ticket. Here we find two allegations, that the election villainies counted out Blaine in New York in 1S84, and that if Beaver had been Governor of Pennsylvania be would have prevented it. Up to the present time the only specific charges of election villainies in New York in the year of Blaine's defeat was that John J. O'Brien received from an eminent corporation king $100,000 to be in vested in votes for the Republican candidate, and that he shamelessly omitted to deliver the goods. This doubtless appears in Mr. Andrews' political system, like villain ously defrauding the Republicans of what was theirs by the vested right of purchase. But the allegation that Governor Beaver, if he had then been sitting in the executive chair at Harrisburg, would have sternly com pelled the wicked O'Brien to deliver the votes, is crediting the man who could not call an extra session of the Legislature for the reliei of Johnstown with an unneces sary amount of stamina. Mr. Andrews' as sertion renders it pertinent to inquire if in the case of Mr. Delamater's election it will be a part of his Gubernatorial duties to march the Pennsylvania State troops to New York and compel the strikers of that city to fulfill their contracts of political bar gain and sale? Mr. Andrews' address partakes more of the character of a contribution to a comic paper than of a serious political argument, AN ANTEDLLTJVIAN ORATOR. Those people of the South who have as similated a perception of the fact that the war is over, should take the trouble to put a muzzle on General Joseph Wheeler, of Ala bama. General Wheeler was a pretty good cavalry officer on the-Confederate side; but that is no especial reason why he should keep on with the old pro-slavery ideas in this era ol enlightenment. Yet that is practically what he does when in his cam paign speeches he asserts that his political opponents are aiming to "authorize and even force negroes to mix as equals with white men and women in schools, chnrches and railroads, and by legislation to sanction and thus encourage this unholy mixture in all social relations, including that of mar riage." This survival of the old pro-slavery "Do-you-want-your-sister-to-marry-a-nigger" ar gnment, would do little harm if it were simply the utterance of an unreconstructed fire-eater who carries his ex-Confederate Bourbonism to a crankish degree. Bntwhen it is indulged in by a Democratic candidate for Congress, it commits the Southern De mocracy to the dogma that while the present generation has life it will not let the old war issues die oat, A large share of, the warmest supporters of the Re publican party on the questions of slavery and reconstruction believe the settlement of those questions to have been so far accepted, by the South that it Is permissible to act in dependently of old party lines on new issues. That view of Southern opinion is in the main well founded; butif General Wheeler iu raising the old cry of "negro" and "mis cegenation" is to be taken as representative of the South, it amounts to an evidence that the South will not let the old issues be buried. Everyone knows that the allegation of forcing negroes into social equality with the whites, including marriage, is the merest raving of the old pro-slavery madness. The people who indulge iu it are not to be blamed; for they simply know no better. But the sensible people of the South who wish to bury the old sectional issues should put muzzles and strait-waistcoats on the politicians who give mouth to that class of lunacy. PTJLL TOR THE CANAL. The engineers who have been surveying for the proposed Ohio river and Lake Erie canal, state that there will be no lack of water at any point. The water supply at the summit they have ascertained beyond any doubt to be ample. As may be under stood by consulting the article in this issue, this is another and most important part of the canal question settled. It has been established that the canal can be bnilt for a reasonable amount of money; that there is water in plenty, that the people want it, and that it will benefit commerce immensely. The canal can be had if the people of Pittsburg and all others interested and some of the latter hail from a good way West will pull together and pull with ail their might. CHEAP ANTI-TARIFF TALK. Prom the lot of silly twaddle which finds expression in various quarters as to the operation of the new tariff bill, it might be supposed that the United States was enter ing for the first time on a new policy. It is hard to say whether the rankest nonsense is printed at home or abroad. But it is cer tainly absurd to hear that a universal in crease of prices is bound to come from the new tariff, before trade has had an oppor tunity to fairly adjust itself to the operation of the new schedule. The fact seems to be overlooked that if by combinations and other rapacious methods it is sought at the start to raise prices, home competition will inevitably arise to share the increased profits, so that the last state of the over greedy will be worse than their first. It is also forgotten by the Democratic papers and politicians who are trying to make a scare on this subject, that iu many cases, as steel rails, plate glass and other products, it has been the home competition which has signally cheapened prices. The talk in England, France and Ger many about retaliation is as absnrd as much that is heard at home. There is no new policy to deal with; nor any better cause now for retaliation than has existed since the protective policy began. SMALL HOUSES NEEDED. Small houses are greatly needed in Pitts burg and her suburbs. There is a great army of workingmen in our mills, factories and stores, and not half enough homev to accommodate them properly. The evils of life in crowded tenement houses can hardly be exaggerated. A great many families are exposed to these evils, physical and moral, because there are so few small houses renting at a low figure. The lack of small and cheap houses, and the demand for them, are well known, and The Dispatch has fre quently called attention to the opportunity the field offers to capitalists. To-day we present some exact information upon the subject, and it will be seen that the man who puts his money into the erection of small honses fit for tenants of moderate means may clear a good profit and a reputa tion for philanthropy. Few transactions in this world bring such double returns. "All the attacks on Candidate Delamater have now been successfully repulsed," says the Philadelphia Inquirer. This reveals the novel Idea on the part of the Delamater organ that it is repulsing an attack to run nndcr cover and thence do a nrize act of scolding. The herd of buffalos which the Govern ment has been keeping in Yellowstone Park, with great care, as the relic of an almost ex tinct species, has got away from the park and it is feared will be lost altogether. It is an in teresting coincidence that the buffaloes must have effected their escape from the Yellow Stone region about the time that the surplus got away from the Treasury. Everything that the nation cherishes with care is liable to get lost except the politicians. Mb. Depew'8 antagonist" to trusts is satisfactory; but it is a little disappointing that the eloquent gentleman did not And it neces sary to speak out concerning them until he was confronted with what he calls a "labor trust." WnEN it appears that Senator Delamater not only violated the Constitution with regard to State deposits, but that he and Andrews choked off the investigation into the violation of statute law, as to the management of the sinking fund, by means of which violation ot law he got the free use of 100,000 of the State funds, the call of the Delamater organs for an issue is wholly unnecessary. The savage windstorm of night before last was not predicted by the Signal Service: but the officers of the Bureau bad no knowl edge that ChairmaD Andrews' address was to be let loose that night. Me. Rube Burrows is reported to nave left an estate ot $20,000. This is an indication of what can be done by strict attention to the industry of robbing trains, is not a favorable showing. Men of no more prominence in their line than Mr. Burrrows in his, by an equal in dustry in watering and manipulating the stock of tberailways instead of robbing their trains, have laid up more than 20.000,000. And now it appears that catgut is put on the free list. Is tbe domestic industry which makes vocal the back fences to have no pro tection against the foreign competition of pauper pussies? Among the signs of a hard winter an Eastern paper mentions that tbe "maximum of sun spots" is approaching. It was just the same way with the sun spots last winter and the winter before; bat the cold weather did not materialize. The son spots furnish a very scientific subject, hut tbe trouble is that no one knows exactly what they mean. The death of Justice Miller affords Mr. Harrison another opportunity to gratify him self by refusing to appoint 'Walter Q, Gresham to the United States Bench. The fact thit Iceman Turner did not even get a renomlnation to Congress, but bad to put Colonel Fellows In nomination, indicates that the service of keeping tbe boodle aldermen oat of the penitentiary is a better -proof of Congressional abilities in New York than that of acting in Congress as a professional repre sentative of the workingmen. If one-half what is Te ported in the organs 'be true, there is no danger of a stringency in the money markets of McKlnley'S'Congres stonat district And now New York is going to try to erect a statue to Christopher Columbus. With due condolence to the memory of Columbus, are Intermingled perceptions ot the fact that New York will try to do, almost anything ex cept fulfill its pledge wltn regard to Grant's monument. Thai is past trying for. PEBSOHAL PARAGRAPHS. D. E. Anthony, the journalist and brother of Snsau B., Is laying ouc a race track on his farm, near Leavenworth, Kan. Count ToLSTor is still weak and emaciated so that he can haruly walk about the fields, but he Is nevertheless engaged on a new novel. Ir is well enough to note that the handsomest man in the House of Commons is now on his way to this country. He is William Abraham, member from Limerick, and comes ot a Quaker family. He comes in the cause of Ireland. Lours Kossuth. Is still engaged at his home, in Tnrin, Italy, in writing his memoirs, the. completion of which Is made slow -work by his great age ho is now 88 years old and his habit of running into diffusive details. Rudyard Kipling wears a scarlet fez and eye-glasses in his sanctum. He smokes a pine. and his room contains a rifle, a whisky decan ter, a siphon of soda water and other like ac complishments of British manhood. zr A daughter of General Rosecrans is an Ursullne nnn, who, until very recently, was as signed to the convent at Santa Rosa, Cal. Fif teen years ago she was one of the most charm ing and most popular of the society ladies of Cincinnati. It is said that Senator Ingalls never signs a note nor gives a mortgage. He planks down the cash for everything he gets, whether it calls for 20 cents or t20,0u0. It is claimed that he can pat his nana on more ready money than any man in Kansas. , A Paris correspondent says that it is hardly possible for any one not intimately acquainted with the fact to realize the extent of the pet ting and adulation that is lavished on Alex ander Dumas. He has a clique or coterie of his own which surrounds him with all sorts of attractions. Among the incidents of the Harrison demon stration at Topeka is related the following: Senator Ingalls was standing in the office of the Copeland Hotel, when be was approached by a well-dressed man who reached out his hand with the observation: "Your face seems familiar tome and 'I think I have met you before." "Quite likely," responded the Sena tor, "my name is Ingalls." "IngallsT" echoed the stranger. "IngallsT" "Yes, Senator In galls," replied the veteran statesman, while a sardonic smile wreathed his features as he re flected upon the hollow mockery of fame. HAD AN EYE TO BUSINESS. The Manner in Which a Crowd Gathered at a Saloon When the Collector Called, From the Milwaukee Wisconsin. A collector for a certain Milwaukeo brewery came to the conclnsion a few days ago that he was being systematically "worked" in a West side saloon where he made frequent calls in a business way. Collectors, when they are paid a bill of goodly proportions, are expected to treat tne men who chance to be in the saloon at the time. The collector named above found that whenever he chanced to visit a saloon well up on the Westside there was an influx of men brawny, hard-fisted workingmen who seemed to invariably arrive just in time to drink at his expense. That the men, who were employed in a neighboring cooper shop, knew when to visit the place soon became evident; but how did they know? was the question. The col lector tried the experiment of leaving his horse and buggy a block below and walking to the saloon. Then he changed the hour of making his call, and finally the day. His friends, the coopers, were on hand just the same. By this time ho was interested, and finally sent a friend to the saloon to watch the bar tender and learn, if possible, bow the men in the neighboring factory knew of the collector's coining. The amateur detective took a chair, ordered a beer, and picked up a paper. In came the collector, and simultaneously with his appearance the hand of the knight of the bottle stole under the bar and found its way to a cord. The line extended through a hole in the sldo of the building and over to the-cooper shop, where it was attached to a bell. The ap pearance of the collector was followed by a pull on the cord, and the jingle of the bell was a signal for a suspension of work in the cooper shop, and a general exodus of the workmen to the saloon, where they drank to the health of the jovial collector. STATE ODDITIES. A pumpkin weighing 110 pounds in an at traction at a Lock Haven hotel. Pekkasie has a Are engine, hose carriage, hose and firemen, but no water supply. Burglars who ransacked a bouse at Rob ertstown found $100 in a cupboard, but over looked $3,500 on an upper shelf. Lewis Wkllek, a farmer near Pennsburg, has a cow that gave birth to triplets last week. A year ago the same cow cave birth to twins. Late advices from Doylestown serve notice that Fineville residents are greatly alarmed over tbe escape of a 10-foot boa constrictor from a cage in Lee's circus. No one knons where tbe big fellow has taken up his resi dence, not even a trace remaining to serve as a guide to his lair. John Holliday, who farms the Thomas Scattergood farm in East Bradford, Chester county, palled a citron last week weighing J7J pounds. When one takes into consideration that an ordinary sized citron weighs fromtbree to six pounds this one is certainly of unusual size. Mr. Holliday has it stored away in his cellar for this winter's use. Certain wells in Jeukintown have gone dry from causes unknown. This seems an unusnal occurrence from the fact that rains have been frequent of late, and the ground is apparently full ot water. The supposed cause is the sinking of two artesian wells, 275 feet deep, for the Jenkintown Water Company, in which pumps arc working constantly. A ghastly reminder of the Johnstown flood still remains in that city in the shape of a building filled with coffins, which the T ibune thinks should be burned. They were sent there with many more which were used by some kind friends in an emergency, and were made quickly and not particularly well of probably the best material that could be had; in consequence were never good, and time has not improved them. W. H. Fbetz, of Wellsboro, owns a large black bear. Recently tbe bear broke its chain and walked into the house of a neighbor by way ot the front door, the lady quickly slipping out by way of the back door. The animal prowled about the rooms and finally jumped into a bed and went to sleep. Then Mr. Fretz came, fastened the chain on again ana will soon present his neighbors with some juicy bear meat. DEATHS0F A DAY. John S. Morrison John S. Morrison, of the firm of Morrison, Cass Co., of this city, died yesterday at bis late resi dence, in Tyrone, Pa. Mr. Morrison was abont 60 years or age, and bad been in the paper business in this city for about 25 years. The mills of the company are located at Tyrone, and the business was done throufrh tlie office in this city. Mr. Mor rison has been ailing for tbe past two months with liver complaint. He had the best medical atten tion he could secure land the nhvslclans had al most palled Mm through when be had an attack or typhoid rever. This gave hima relapse from which he never recovered, and he gradually sank lower until yesterday, when be expired. lie was unmarried, but left two sisters living. One of them is Mrs. Egy, wife of a well known merchant of Huntlngdown, and the other is unmarried. Tbe funeral will take place to-morrow at Tyrone. Frank J. McGovern. rSI-ECIAL TELKOnAM TO THS DI8PATCTT.1 Ttbone, October 17. Frank J, McGovern, a well known railroad contractor, being a member or the Arm of McGovern Brother, died on Wednesday evening after a lingering illness. The funeral will take place this morning rrom Bt. Matthews Church. Stephen A. Caldwell. FnxLADXLFBIA, October 17. Stephen A. Cald well, President of tbe 1'ldellty Trust and Bale Deposit Company, and at one time one of the re ceivers ofthe Philadelphia and Heading Railroad, died suddenly at bis residence in this city at 2 o'clock this morning. Austin Adams. DUBUQUE. IA October 17. lion. Austin Adams, ex-Justice of tne Supreme Court of Iowa, died at 4:20 o'clock this morning, after an illness of sev eral months. Dr. J. F. Moore. Bdtlib, October 17. Dr. J. f. Moore, formerly of l'lttsburg, died here this morning of typhoid fever, ' i . j SNAP SHOTS IN SEASON. When you purchase fish dealer throws in the scales. by weight the Tub girls have entered newspaperdom beg pardon. Journalism. . Tbeyare in it gloves, bon net and bustle. They are in it to stay, too. Ot course, tbey are not welcomed with open arms, for, heaven bless them, they won't have it that way. But, dear! oh dear! tney are dragging fashion into it. Just think! Style in a news paper fiice! fads in pencils, paper, penwipers, paste, pads, tabs, flies, pastebrushes, scissors ana the other implements.of the craft. Yes, sir, the silly freaks of the mistress who leads women oy their little noses has been or is being introduced, into the paper littered, paste painted. Ink-stained work rooms of the news paper makers. I see by gashing communi cations printed in a little 7x9 publication which professes to teach "Journalism," that onepettj coated pencil destroyeron a metropolitan paper has devised a dress with tea pockets, so cutely designed as to enable her to cleverly con ceal her precious notebooks. Another has an Ingenious contrivance which holds 26 en velopes, each envelope marked, numbered and filled with the f rnits of her feet and Angers 1 she evidently has no head, else she would store some of ber notes there for ready reference. Another oh where will It end? has perfected a tiny, 'tee, little duck of a notebook, to which is attached a slender silken cord from wbich the ebony-cased lead cannot stray. Another, evidently a society reportress. pins her notes to her toilet cushion. Still another files her precious scraps of memory paper on a cunning little hook attached to her bangle board, what ever that may be. It is to be,presumed that all the note-bearing articles are highly perfumed and elaborately designed. For heaven's sake, girls, don't pull out any of these weapons of torture during an interview. If you do you will surely frighten your game. Stop this nonsense. Don't let Fashion paralyze your active little brains. The lead from the bread-winning pencil and the odor of the in spiring but damp paper will not permanently soil your taper Angers or cling to your workday clothes. Paste, hairpins, ink, flashing rings on finger and in ear, pencil dnst and petticoats will mix all right, but Fashion and hnstling won't, girls. Be plain. Of course you can't be one of the boys who ,do the work, but you can be one of the girls, just the same. The woman who browses on the edge of man's pasture, or who gets into the clover alongside him, must drop her style, but not her dignity. Those in newspaperdom who hang their notes on bangle boards and toilet cushions are not liable to make much noise in the world. The more likes it. you pelt a tanner the better be The munificent sum of 25 is offered as a prize to tbe person who shall guess the vote to be cast in Pennsylvania next month. This beats the peuny.for-your-thougbts scheme all hollow. THE'Bibles in a great many homes are so beautiful and costly that the young folk are not permitted to open them. I know an eye so clear and bright. It sparkles like an evening star, It shines for me at noon and night Love glances glistening from afar. Its never changing light I see, Nor diamond bright its rays surpass; And it shall ever steadfast be. For it is made of choicest glass. Every time tbe Delamater campaigners open their mouth they seem to put their foot into it. A few more imported speakers of the Sheri dan stripe will send Pattison's majority way out of sight. Stop using mud for bait and an swer some of tbe grave counts in the indict ment, gentlemen. Wit and wrath are both to be found In the wine bottle. Andrews says his master has "met every charge, but as rapidly as he meets them new ones are invented." Agood soldier doesn't meet a charge by lying down, and a good candidate shouldn't meet a charge by lying. When you sink Into a reverie you are merely buried in tboucht. Those who enter the last sleep clothed in righteousness will be aoreast of fashion In tbe other world. The man who got the hardest bites And cast the longest flies. Hails with delight the winter nights, When he'll unload his lies. Stanley will bring his wire and all her re lations, including his mother-in-law, to America. The dear pnblic will have to pay the expenses ot the party, ot coarse. Some English editors think our Andrew Carnegie is a man of irony as well as a man of iron. A Japanese husband has married and divorced 35 wives and is abont to take another. He is bound to be suited at all events. The glass pool seems to haps it will melt away. be troubled. Per- ''Love is the same in every land. A glance, a kiss, a flower. Tbe pressure of a little hand. A bint about the dower. AN American prowling about London has found the score of our "Star Spangled Banner" dated 12 years prior to its advent in. America. It was a popular old English drinking song England is welcome to the air, but she can't have tbe words. FROM the frequent rows in the W. C. T. U. the uninitiated may be led to infer tbat the ab breviation represents the phrase, "We Can Talk Ugly." Winn has preferred charges against Fire Chief Jones, of Alegbeny, and his friends'be lieve he will win the flgbc. He told the belle he loyed before he gave her the ring. , A dry hole In oil territory is called a duster. Probably because tbe speculators dropped their dost in it. Judging from the numerous weddings cele brated, tbe summer girljdld not go in bathing for nothing. I AT least one person has profited by the awful hotel lira at Syracuse. An actress who wasn't hurt is getting a heap of free advertising. Singers and gamblers frequently lose their notes on the high C's. . Mayor Grant demands a recount for New York. Judeinp from recefnt returns the Cen sus Bureau should grant Ills request. ) It was written "Warehousemen want a new scale. They won't weight long," etc. But it was printed "Washerwomen," etc. Also "red ear" instead of "seed oar." There's many a slip 'twixt the pencil and'.the press. Auctioneers are the only ones who can wave the red flag with impunity. A girl with a dot In bank is tbe daughter the impecunious young swell is after. The mud blackens this russet leaf and the small boy blackens the rnsset shoe of tbe fel low who squandered too rnuih salary at the sea. shore last summer. ) The first spare rib dressing. was seiv :vtd without any CoopebS should be staving g'pod fellows. FATTi-deslres the public to 'make a note of the fact that she has not changed her faith. THE patriot of the day is the fellow who asks the people to save him, not the (fellow who is asked to save tha people. A BCELSS servant girl put salt In a Long Island deacon's coneo, ana ne wentvat her with a meat ax. lie probably thought she was too fresh. SIR. Cooper and Miss Sawyer were married day before yesterday. They can go Into busi ness- She could furnish the staved and he could make the barrels. But he has x barrel already, we suppose. EMOfNEEas have agreatpullonthejpeople J They shouldn't bo railed at, as they are good fellows to tie to. They will not be throttled so long as they keep on the right track. Tub steel men would sooner have their plates subjected to the strain of a testing ma chine than the stare of an eye armed with a single-barreled glass. Send practical testers instead of political examiners, Mr. Tracy, In China a nan condemned to death can bny a substitute. In Allegheny county this Is un necessary, as the threat of execution is seldom earned out. Tub mosquito Is a lively cuss. But he buzzes o'er his game; The bedbug don't make any fuss. But be gets there just the same. The girl who marries an author gets the write man of course, Willie Winkle. LAST CHAHCE TO VOTE. The Close of the Exposition and the Popular Topical Ballots. During the Exposition, which closes to night. The Dispatch has afforded the public an opportunity of expressing views on a wide range of popular topics. The effect of the voting test has been to awaken interest in matters which otherwise wonld have been allowed to slumber. They furnished food for thought and results may follow. At all events no harm has been done, and visitors have been amused, to say the least, while the people have 'certainly been benefited. For to-day and to night tbe following tonic is offered to visitors, who are requested to register their votes in the Poll Book at Dispatch Head quarters, Brunswick-Balke-Collender Billiard Company's space. SATURDAY'S VOTING TOPIC. Should all the Toll Houses on Roads in "West ern Pennsylvania be Removed? Open to Latfy and Gentlemen Voters. Make the closing vote count. POLITICAL POOTTKBS. Williamsport Sun (Dem.): Mr. Pattison is not obliged to publish a certificate of charac ter. York Gazette (Dem.l: Pattison, Black and Barclay are all for ballot reform, and are for It honestly. But tbat cannot be truthfully said of Quay's man Delamater. Reading Times (Rep.): Let us now quit de fending and assail. Let us assail those who, under cover of insincere excuses, are striking at tbe Republican party, and in so doing let us remind all that we are fighting for the party and its principles, and not for persons or sim ply against persons. Clearfield Journal (Rep.): The Demo crats are unfortunate in tha fact that the Re publicans always put up men against whom they can say nothing. When Harrison was a candidate they fought Blaine and now when Delamater is tbe candidate tbey devote all their attention to Quay. The result will be the same in both cases, only more so. Venango Spectator (Dem.): The Repub lican candidate for Governor says that be is "glad to welcome any system which will pro tect tbe soundness of the ballot." If this be tbe case, why does he not insist upon Chairman Andrews agreeinc to the proposition of Demo cratic Chairman Kerr to provide for a uniform style ot ticket to be used at the approaching elections? Erie Herald (Dem.): The affidavit of Cap tain John F. Morris, tho crippled Republican soldier who was the victim of Delamater's treachery, is a "corker." It ought to Insure the casting of every soldier vote in tho Stato against Quay's candidate. Tbe Delamater organs havo already begun to make leeble de nials, but it is noticeable that they do not deny anything tbat Captain Morris alleges. His affi davit is simply impregnable. Lancaster Examiner (Rep.): If the Demo crats in their evident fright over the inevitable result at the polls in November keep on they will have every prominent Republican in the land chairman of the State Central Committee. They began with Cooper. Now Quay is at the helm. Next will come Clarkson, Dudley, In galls, Reed, McKinley, and a host of others When tho Democrats are again whipped they will have a soft bed of excuses to fall upon Punxsutawnky Spirit (Rep.): Tbe Guber natorial campaign in this State cannot be said to be of the educational or edifying order. It is not entirely free from personalities and epithets, and chivalrous generosity does not figure consplclonsly. Why, let us be charitable. Let us be kind. Let us be serene, slow pulsed and calm. There Is no cause for undue excite ment. It Is always better to keep cool and saw wood. When a man loses his temper he loses his judgment also. "Worse Than Flash Literature. From the Harrisburg Telegraph. It is of little use to protest against the pub lication' and sale of cfcrtain objectionable peri odicals a long as the bill boards of to-day pan der to the same depraved tastes. In many cases these flaming posters, vulgar and low, aro the first representations of their kind to reach the eyes of tbe young boys. They create a desire for what is impure, in minds that a short time before were clean and innocent. Tbe poster is a worse foe to society and morality than are those journals to which wa refer. The journals reach, at most, but a llmitod circle of readers. The posters are seen again and again by every resident of the place. Risen From the Soup. From the New York Snn, Tbe emergence of Joseph Benson Foraker from the soup to boom tbe Hon. James Gilles pie Blaine for President must give as acute a pain to tbat gentleman as it gives pleasure to the Hon. Thomas Brackett Reed. Harrison's Golden Opportunity. From the Philadelphia Record. President Harrison has a rare opportunity offered him to compel a larger measure of pop ular respect and confidence than lie now enjoys. He can do it by appointing Judge Gresham an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court. Should Follow McGintys Example. From the Washington l'ost. Every good citizen in the United States can indorse Anarchist Host's latest move. He is to move to London. Waiting the Cat's Jnmp. From the Philadelphia Kccord. The extra session proclamation is waiting to note the direction of tha cat's jnmp on the 4th proximo. SKETCHES In Gotham by tho popular -writers, Charles T. Murray and Clara Bell, In THE DISPATCH to-morrow morning. Twenty Pages, 3 Parts. The 1,'aper of Penn sylvania. A CHARACTER. Everything pleased our neighbor Jim, When It rained He never complained. But said wet weather suited him. Thereneverlg toomuchraln forme, , And this is something lUe, " said he. When earth was dry as a powder mill. He did not slgb Because It was dry, But said if be could have his will It would be hi chlel supreme delight To live where the sun shone day and night. When winter came with Its snow and Ice, He did not seold Because It was cold. But said: "Now this is real nice; ir ever from home I'm forced to go, I'll move up Kortb with the Esquimau." A cyclone whirled along Its track; And did him h tra il broke bis arm. And stripped the coat from oft his back; "And 1 would give another limb To see such a blow again," said Jim. And when at length bis rears were told. And bis body bent And bis strength all spent, And Jim was very weak and old: 'I long have wanted to know, " he stld, How it feels to die. " and Jim was dead. The Angel of Heath had summoned him To heaven, or well, I cannot tell: But I knew tbat tbe climate sailed Jim: And cold or hot, it mattered not It was to him the long sought snot. Hloomington Pantograph, OUR SHORT STORIES. TRUTH OUT OF SIGHT. CHE was a good little housewife bound upon tbe daily errand of purchasing supplies in tbe Diamond Market. She stopped before a stall where vegetables are exchanged for their weight in gold these days and began to price things. Every vegetable had risen in price, and the vender, after the manner of his kind, cave elaborate explanations for the added costs. According to his showing nearly every vegetable and fruit was scarce, and therefore dearer. After he had diseanted at great length upon the terrible scarcity ot apples, and the pain It gave him to mark up the price, the little housewife, with tho sweetest smile possible, re marked: "WelLI know something scarcer!" "Scarcer, ma'am? Impossible. What Is it!" Truth aronnd herel" THE BRIDE WAS NOT THERE. iT could not see tbe door of the church from the organ loft." said a Pittsburg organist, "and I made arrangements with the exton of the church to signal me when to begin the wedding march from 'Lohengrin,' with which it was desired 1 should usher tbe bridal party to the altar. I kept a close look out, and at last the sexton appeared at the place arranged and gave tbo signal. I strnck into the march as impressively as I could, and tbe bridegroom and clergyman came out of the vestry and walked to the altar steps. The peop'o all turned around to get a glimpse of the bridal procession, and I waited for it to appear at the point In the aisle which the mirror before me enabled me to see. I could see the people turn about again and settle down but that only struck me at the moment as a sign that the congregation was very well-bred and I kept up the march with all the stops out Noushers, no bridemaids.no bride appeared, and cold perspiration began to rise on my forehead. When the bridegroom and tho clergyman walked back to the vostry I realized a mistake had occurred, and dropped from the march into an extempore movement in a minor key. "Afterward I found out that tbe sexton bad a bad cold and took out his handkerchief for business purposes, forgetting tbat the move ment had been agreed upon between us as a signal of the bride's approach. As it hap pened the bride did not arrive till 20 minutes later. MUDSLINGING. "It Is true that I was convicted or burglary ten years ago," said the candidate in a low voice. "It Is true as my opponents charge that I had to leave tbe Stato hurriedly and with nut little baggage, because I thoughtlessly signed another man's name to a check and didn't notice it till I'd cashed it; but, gentlemen," and he raised bis voice and held un both hands, -I appeal to you to show your disapproval of tha mnaslingins methods ot tbe opposition. It Is getting to be the fashion in politics more and more to deal In personalities, to drag in details about tho candidate's life that should not be mentioned, and I trust that you will rebuke this tendency by electing me to the high offico to which I aspire!" TO RAISE WINE-DRINKERS. TXTHYaro olives always such a prominent feature at banquets where prohibition reigns?" asked a gentleman who had been there. "Don't know," said a brother in search of truth, "unless It is on the principle that a farm er sprinkles a fertilizer on a fallow field to fit it for a new crop !" WITHOUT FAIL. Jn the bright lexicon of youth there is no snch word as fail remember that, my son," said tbe fond father to his boy about to set up in business himself. "1 will, father," said tbe boy earnestly, "but if a time should come that I can fail advan tageously say for a million and a half and " "Then, my boy, you can throw away the bright lexicon and turn to the letter Fin the business man's dictionary !" CARNEGIE at Cluny is the subject of a cleverly written article sent to THE DIS PATCH by one of the correspondents of tho London Times. See to-morrow's bUj issue. Best Advertising Medium. ALMOST A aOIUOtf INC2EASE. The Population of Pennsylvania Shows Over S3 Per Cent Improvement. Washington; October 17. The Censns Bureau to-day announced tbo population of tbe State of Pennsylvania to be 5,213,S74; In crease. 063,683, or 22.55 per cent. The popula tion of the following cities and towns in Penn sylvania was also eiven: Butler, 8,715: Increase. 6.532; per cent, 175.55. Corry, 5,671; Increase 391; Der cent, 7.47. Erie, 39.699: increase. 11, 962: ner cent, 43.13. Franklin. 620; increase, 1,210; ner cent. 24.15. Meadville, 9.5C2; increase. 642: per cent, 7.25. New Castle. 11.531: increase. 3,165; par cent, 37.57. Sharon, 7.447; increase, 1,765: per cent, 3LG2. Titasville, &G10; decrease, 1.036; per 'cent, 11.45 decrease. Warren, 5.28S; increase, 2,478; percent, 83.10. The Evergreen Erminle. The aged but evergreen "Erminie" was given last night at tha Grand Opera Honse by Aliss Pauline Hall's company. The audience was one of tbe larsest ever in the theater, and the performance was capital from beginning to end. Miss Paulino Hall once more displayed her exquisite charms In the title role, and achieved a triumph. Miss Hoinie Weldon re inforced tbe favorable impression which her wonderfully sweet voice made for ber earlierin the week,and Miss Rosa Cook was a delightfully fnnny and phenomenally stont Princess De Grompaneur. Mr. Drew's Mavennes elicited roars of laughter, and the restnf tbe company filled in tbe performance well. Superb scenery and costumes characterized this production as they did that of "Amorita." A Plea for Boles. From the Sioux City Journal.! Ex-Senator McDonald, of Indiana, is quoted as expressing tho opinion that Grover Cleve land will lie renominated In 1892 by the Demo crats, with Governor Campbell, of Ohio, as Vice President. But where does Governor Boles come in? Ho has made a stronger bid for the support of the solid South than Gov ernor Campbell or any other northern Demo crat. A Had Tear for Mayors. From the Milwaukee Wisconsin. This is a bad year lor mayors. At Sheboy gan, not long ago, one of tbem was threatened with impeachment. At Long Island City. Yes terday, a second was found gnilty of assault and battery; and in Milwaukee a third Is running for Governor on the anti-education ticket. New Fashion in Coats. From the Savannah News. Jay Gould's prescription for the future fashion is that under a high tariff coats should, ba worn longer say about three years. THE IRISH gXILTS. Phii.adei.pbia. Record: It was lucky for Dillon and O'Brien that tbey didn't meet Mr. Mizner on the soil of France. Washington Post: It tho American lecture tour of O'Brien and Dillon is not a success it will not be because of Balfour's failure to ad vertise it. Miiwatjkee Frftconiin.' Dillon and O'Brien, the Irish refngees, very naturally put np at tbe Hotel Aigle. at Cherbourg. Now let tbe proud bird of freedom exult vociferously. Philadelphia Inquirer: As to Dillon and O'Brien, the English police are now in tbe pre dicament of the steamboat cook who lost his teakettle overboard. Tbey know where they are, bnt they can't get at them. BALTIMORE American: O'Brien and DHlon can, no doubt, tell the Parisians some interest ing things about Irish affairs, but will tbey un derstand the story from Tipperary when they hear iiT It will be plainer to a New York audience. Baltimore Herald: Dillon and O'Brien have been heard from at last, for which let us all be thankful. If these two great men had remained unaccounted for much longer. Ire land and a large part of America would have had a patriotic conniption fit. New Yoke Press: The French Republic's sheltering arms are around Messrs. Dillon and O'Brien, who fled from the malicious persecu tion and prosecution of a packed English court. The American Republic will give tbem shelter and welcome if they decide to como here. Philadelphia Ledger: AMr. Dillon went into a lion's cage during a circus performance in Dublin recently and drank a glass of cham pagne in full view or the "king of beasts" without being molested. Another Mr. Dillon; has recently emerged frost the presence ot the British lion with equally successful results. CDEEEKT CONDENSATIONS. A game cock at Ybor City, Fla., has killed 200 chickens in battle. A rattlesnake bit a fine horse owned at Mariaona. F13-, and In 30 minutes the poor beast died. There Is a talk about one or two British gun vessels being adapted for the use of cap tive baloons at sea. A flock of blackbirds three miles long and half a mile wide passed over Arlington, Ga., a day or two ago. The raising of sisal hemp in the Baha mas promises, it is said, to be one of the chief industries of these islands. Quarter Sessions Court in St. Joseph county, Mich., was compelled to adjourn on account of all tbe lawyers being out on tho stump. Two dockyards are about to be con structed In St. Petersburg for tho building of men-of-war. in addition to the flra already ex isting in the capital. The frontier method of giving a firo alarm still prevails at Crawford, Neb. Every, body on the street fires his revolver and gives a blood-curdling cowboy whoop. The names of all the "White Star steam ers end with 'Ic," those of tha Cnnarders -with "la," those ortbe German mostly with "land." and those of Dutch always with "dam." Sophomores of Woo3ter "University, Ohio, are charged with having spiked soma cannon, tbe property of the Federal Govern ment. The affair grew out of a row with the juniors, A novel fight was witnessed on the main street in Boscobel, Wis. A large rat ran oat from under the sidewalk, and a mink followed and overtook it in the middle of tbe street, where a furious fight took place. Tha rat was worsted. Mrs. Sally "Wood, of Union City, Mich., has been blind for 50 years and her daughter has not seen a thing for a quarter of a century. Yet these two havo done the household work in faultless style for years, and cooked victuals fit for an epicure. Iu San Antonio, Tex., a few days ago, there was a "great cattle lassoing contest of cowboys," in which, it is claimed, tha world's record was beaten. Will Cappi tying down a wild steer in 43$ seconds. Soma of tha com testants were seriously Injured. A queer wedding occurred atKirwin, Kan., the other day. A couple who went through the form of a marriage 12 years ago discovered upon investigating the records tbat no license bad been issued to- them, and a wedding in due form was tha result. The log cabin in Washington county, Ky., in which, it is said, Abraham Lincoln lived as a hoy, and where bis father was married, bM been bought by a committee from Chicago, The structure will bo torn down and removedi to tbe World's Fair grounds, where it will ba re-erected. At the cheese factory in East Otto, N. J., the other day. there was pat in the hoop tha biggest cheese ever made in the region, and probably the largest ever made in tbe United States. It measured five feet in diameter and is 39 inches high. Its weight when cared will ba 4,000 pounds. The Treadwell Mill, Alaska, is the largest quartz mill in the world, says tho Mining and Scientific Press. It consists of 249 stamps, 96 concentrators and 12 ore crushers. All of this machinery, covering several acres of ground. Is ron.lt is said, by a single wheel seven feet In diameter. A well-known resident of Bangor, Me., while huntingthe other day. met with a mishap common enough to tbe inexperienced gunner. Rushing forward to secure the antlers o a mighty "moose" into which ba had put two ballets, be found thatthe stricken creature was a neighbor's steer. In cutting a bie cypress tree near Astor, Fla., a living alligator seven feet long was found therein. As the opening in the tree was not half large enough for tha 'gator to get througb. the presumption is tbat it crawled in when qnito young and lived on other animals and reptiles that sought refuge there. A little girl in Lewiston, Me., planted some peanuts in a box in her kitchen last spring. Tbey snrouted and she transplated them in the garden when it grew warm enough. They flourished all summer, and Monday morn ing were placed on exhibition in a store window veloped'and ripened peanuts clinging to tha I roots. Ac old horse at Emmetsburg, la., had been walking lame for several days. Tbe other day the animal started out unattended, went to tbe blacksmith' shop and raised np his foot for the smith to examine it. A horseshoe nail was found imbedded in the boot, which was re moved by tho smith, when tbe knowing old animal walked back home without the vestiga of a limp. In the city of Atlanta, Ga., isa veritable; rain tree, which, for the past ten days, has been throwing off a slight shower and the cround beneath is kept in a stato of moisture equal to tbat of a steady shower of considerable dura tion. Citizens eye it curiously and many of the more ignorant, especially darkles in that neigh borhood, affirm tbat tbe tree is visited with some uncanny potency. Iva Howard, an Edgar, Neb., lad, was showing off at school the other day, and while turning a handspring, broke bis arm. With out shedding a tear or uttering a groan ba marched to'the surgeon's office, had him set the arm. and was back at school again study ing his lesson within an hour. It took wonder ful will power to keep up this appearance of "don't care," but tna boy had the eternal grit to do it. A couple of weeks ago the son of "Will iam Barton found a sum of money in tha rear of tha Madison House at Madison. Wis. The property is owned by the First National Bank, and now that institution makes a demand upon Mr. Barton for the surrender of the money. Barton replies that hois willing to do so when tbey can prove tbe property and pay the costs thus far incurred. The money in question is supposed to have been hidden by a saloon keeper long since dead. The Hew York JFbrM will move into its new building on November 10. It isa cu rious fact in connection with tbe date of re moval. Mr. Pulitzer was born on the 10th of April; he bad bis first good fortune in St. Louis on tbe 10th; be established bis St. Louis paper on the lOtb, and removed twice into newer quarters on tbe 10th; established the Iforld on tbo 10th; he established the Evening World on the 10th: the corner stone of the new building was laid on tbe 10th, and Mr. Pulitzer lives in a house numbered 10. EXE OPENERS. She is a girl of liberal waist measure ment, and lie remarked as he embraced her, "I consider this quite a feet of arms." "Yes," she replied, coyly, 'about four feet of arras." IVatMiigtoa Post. Captain Did yon deliver the bouquet? Messenger Boy Yes, Captain, and didn't the younz lady smile when I handed it to herl Captain Smile? What sort or a smile? Messenger Boy Tbe same sort of a smile. Cap tain, tbat a waiter gives when he receives a half dollar tip. Flieg enae Blaetter. "You look as if you had been stolen," cald Jawje, as he encountered a friend who was la a brown study. "Why?" "You haTean abstracted air, " and Jawje sently wafted himself round the corner. Washington Post. 'Look out, there!" shouted the deiion, as) the hired man pitched down from the mow some thing less than hair a ton of hay. "Idoa'twant to jet killed." "It mut be. then, tbat yon haven't an abiding; faith In heaven," replied tne nirea man, sar castically. Somercitte Journal. Ileal Estate Man Well, I'm going "West next week to locate the town of Hopkins. Investor Whv, mydear man. what do you mean?. I've bought and paid for two blocks ta the center of the town. ileal Estate Man that's all right. I'm going out there now to find a good location for It. All the tots are sold. Xcid Xork Herald. "Oh! what is that, dear mother?" "That Isa rose, my ebild." 'lint what, dear mother, is that next to tha rose?" "Asnndower. danlng.'J But. ob, what Is it tliatu growing next to tha sunflower?" "That Is a pond Illy." "But, oh, dear mother, they are growing out of the same Tine." That Is the way. my child, they grow on lambrequins. The Upholsterer. Attorney (in breach of promise suit) If it was so dark, you couldn't' see her kiss him, conld you? Wl'ness-No. ) Attorney (triumphantly) Why, then, are yon posith c that she did kiss him. Wltness-Eeeauscltwastoo dark for me to see her. "Attorney (furiously) From what actual knowl edge of your own. sir, can you state tbat sha klued blm? Wltoeis-f rom my knowledge of the girt.- Puck. " afa&'
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers