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THE' PITTSBURG- r DISPATCH,--' SUNDAY?
PEBRTTARYr"24; -"1689; '
ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY S, 1SJ6.
Vol. 41, No. 17. -Entered at Pittsburg Post
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PITTSBURG, SUNDAY, FEa 21, 1SS9.
A MOST RIDICULOUS FIASCO.
Beyond any comparison, the utter failure
of the Tory government and of the London
Times to make good their charges against
the Home Rulers, is the most instructive
thing which has occurred in British politics
since Mr. Gladstone went out and the Tories
went into power. For months the charges
were rung on the newspapers and in Parlia
ment on the allegations that Parnell and
his associates were knowing accomplices of
assassins. Solemn denials were treated with
scornful incredulity. Insults were heaped
on the Parnellites, and throughout the
whole painful exhibition the pretense was
kept up of complete proof in possession of
the Times. So far did the Government give
its official sanction to this course that its
Attorney General, Sir Itichard "Webster,
undertook the defense of the Times before
the courts, and later the prosecution of the
charges before the Royal Commission.
Now, when put to the test, these scanda
lous complaints are found to rest upon noth
ing more tangible than the professed infer
ences of a few disreputable persons, who
need not be further described than as pro
fessional "informers," whose own ante
cedents, confessed on the stand, destroy the
force of anything they might say; and who
admitted being moved either by money or
even b7 meaner considerations to appear be
fore the Commission.
' The worst break-down of all was of course
in the case of Pigott, who was held in re
serve to swear to the authenticity of the
Parnell letters who in fact started the row
and whose evidence turned out to be most
conclusive that no sort of dependence could
be placed on him or in his narrative.
It must be remembered that four-fifths of
the newspapers of England have been either
Tory or Liberal-Unionist The unhappy
majority will have an unpleasant time sus
taining their party in its treatment of Par
nell, and of the whole Irish question. The
victory is a great one for the Gladstonians.
It must be utterly mortifying to their
THE CLASS IDEA.
A striking illustration of the idea of put
ting class interests above the public welfare,
was furnished in New York the other day
by the presentation to the Mayor of a me
morial from COO linemen who were opposed
to putting the electric wires underground
for fear they wo uldlose their employment. It
is, of course, doubtful, if the interests of the
linemen inspired the memorial. It was the
hand of the linemen; but the voice was the
voice of the electric corporations.
But take the professed view. A measure
lor the protection oflife, to make the streets
safe and to enable work At fires to be done
must be halted for fear that six hundred
linemen may lose employment The possi
bility that other worK may be furnished the
linemen, does not appear to be taken into
consideration. The same logic was brought
to bear against the introduction of railroads
in England because it would destroy the
stage lines and road taverns. A more recent
form of it is the declaration that a new
trunk line with unwatered stock' must
not be built because it would promptly
knock the hydraulic element out of the old
All this is the idea that class interests can
be put above the public welfare. It is time
for legislation to put a severe quietus on
that delusion. As a step in that direction
it is a pleasure to notice that New York has
at last a Mayor who believes that when the
law directs the wires to be put underground,
it means what it says.
HOW CAN IT BE DONE!
2he far from valuable record which has
been made by the New York State Board of
Arbitration and Mediation in connection
with the New York street railway strikes,
produces a rather different effect on the
New Tork Press than upon most others.
That wide-awake cotemporary thinks that
it points out the necessity of having this
board "empowered to enforce its functions,"
and of having arbitration made compul
sory. If the Press can indicate the methods by
which arbitration can be enforced upon
both parties equally, it will make a valua
ble addition to the literature of the subject.
Its present view seems to be that it can be
done by requiring street railways to run
their cars, strike or no strike, of course with
adequate police protection. But as this is
what their charters require already, the ad
ditional fact that such companies constitute
but a fraction of the interests to be affected
by compulsory arbitration, renders that
view of little value in connection with the
theory of giving an official board the right
to fix wages.
It is plain that an arbitration, the verdict
of which would be binding on one party,
and not on another, would be equal to no
arbitration at all. It is conceivable that
a law might be framed requiring manufac
turers and corporations to accept the verdict
of a State Board of Arbitration; but how
could such a law be passed to enforce the
verdict on the workingmen, against their
wills? if the Press can devise such a meas
ure, then.it will devolve upon it to explain
in what respect, the involuntary service of.
the workingmen forced upon them at wages
to which they have not agreed, would differ
from the involuntary servitude forbidden by
the Fifteenth amendment to the United
The development of individual inde
pendence and character is one of the strong
est arguments against the theories which
would have the State fix the price of bread,
meat, light and fuel, if not of clothing and
houses, by controlling the avenues of enter
prise which furnish these necessaries of
life. The same principle appears in its
strongest light when we sdfe how individual
liberties are involved in any idea of fixing
the scale of wages by official verdict and en
forcing that verdict on bothides alike, by
legal process. "
Wc can discuss the new problems of the
age a long time without finding any bet
ter principles by which to settle them, than
the principles on which this Government
A BUI WITH TWO ASPECTS.
In commenting heretofore on the grade
crossing bill that is pending at Harrisburg,
The Dispatch recommended strongly that
whatever legislation was made should apply
to the whole State, not merely to cities like
Philadelphia, Pittsburg or Allegheny. Here
was a measure breathing from every
"whereas" and "be it enacted" a purely
pro bono publico spirit Its primary pur
pose was to prevent the destruction oflife
at grade crossings by doing away with
them. "Why should not the life of the hus
bandman be as sacred as that of the dweller
in cities? Is not the locomotive as fatal
when it dashes across country roads as when
it moves at lower speed in more thickly
peopled places? It was at least a curious
oversight to limit the provisions, if public
safety were the only object
Bnt the claim is made that a deeper in
tent lies behind the bill. The purpose is
said to be quite as much to prevent new
railroads getting into large cities as to save
life. New roads are prohibited by one of
its provisions from crossing at grade any
street laid out whether opened or traveled,
or not, in Pittsburg for instance. The rail
road of the future must either jump over or
dip under each thoroughfare marked on the
map. Considering that streets are now lo
cated in every direction through our
suburbs, and that the great differences may
exist between the levels of streets but a few
hundred feet away from one another, it is
easy to imagine what a picturesque marvel
of engineering the road of the future would
This matured view of the situation seems
to have occurred to the Grain and Flour
Exchange, of Pittsburg, yesterday, which
met and resolved that the omission to in
clude the whole State is "fair ground for
presumption that the true object of the bill
is to prevent new railroads from gaining an
entrance to cities of the first and second
class." The Exchange also points out that
the act would destroy the system of switches
now an essential to the conduct of business
at many of our mercantile and manufactur
It is painful to think that another stroke
of corporate shrewdness in maintaining a
monopoly should be disguised under the
philanthropic pretext of saving human life.
But without going the length of assuming
so sinister a purpose, we feel bound to ob
serve that, whether by mistake or design,
the bill, if it became a law, might operate
just as the Exchange points out Under the
circumstances it shonld be set aside, and
either give way to a substitute which shall
have no such implications, or allow the
whole matter to rest in the jurisdiction of
the several cities each one of which, after
all, probably best knows its own needs.
THE QUESTION OF HONESTY.
Dispatch the other day, that the soldiers
orphans' schools were certain of discontin
uance, by the transfer of the pupils to the
State normal schools, is satisfactory intelli
gence, if the management of the schools can
not be materially improved. But it is a de
cided non sequitur, if based on the logic
credited to a leading politician, that the
management of Senator "Wright's syndicate
is perfectly honest; but that since the news
papers have got alter it there is nothing for
it to do but quit. Newspapers have got
some power, but they have not the power to
drive out a perfectly honest and proper in
strumentality of conducting public business.
Too many forms of defiant dishonesty have
maintained their existence against the pro
tests of the press, for that view to be ac
cepted. "Without charging anvpersonal dishonesty
upon the members of the syndicate, it has
been amply proved that the methods and
foundation of this plan of caring for the
orphans are not consistent with the rules of
strict public conscientious. .The mere fact
that large profits are made out of these
schools, establishes that point The State
does not appropriate so great a, sum to the
support of the orphans that large sums of
money can be made by those in charge of
the schools, without depriving the public
wards of something to which they are enti
tled. How the morfey is made, has been
shown by investigation. Bread and molasses
as a diet for growing children in the winter
season, is a very good illustration of the
process by which the money intended to
give these children hearty food, good quar
ters, warm clothing and a fair education, is
converted into profits for the contractors.
Back of all these is the principle that an
institution for the purpose of public charity
cannot be turned into a money-making ma
chine, without an infraction of public hon
esty. The funds appiopriated for the sup
port of the orphans should be sacred to that
purpose. The orphans' schools will natur
ally expire by limitation in the near future;
but with reference to future State charities,
it is well to remember that if anyone is
permitted to make them a lever of private
gain, it is an abuse in its inception, and is
certain to produce scandal and suffering.
SACKED TO PUGILISTS.
In some parts of this continent the
"sacred concert" is a great Sabbatarian
institution. Sometimes the sacred concert
is served without beer; occasionally the
beer is served without the sacred concert
The absence of music, and especially sacred
music, does not impair the title, though
most of the providers of this class of enter
tainment are of the opinion that the pres
ence of a brass band or a steam orchestra
tends to increase the sale of beer. Where
the sacred concert is dry, there is usually
at least Borne semi-sacred work on the pro
gramme. To offset this concession, how
ever, there is usually some extravagant ex
pression of secularity in 'the way of a bur
lesque actress or the like.
But to Newark belongs the honor of origi
nating an entirely new form of sacred con
cert. Beer and music had no part in it, but
whisky probably had. The "singers" were
professional pugilists, and an audience of
Bports furnished an appropriate accompani
ment When the musical crash of skin
gloves was at its height, and the prominent
features of the pugilists were being reduced
to a dull level, the chief of Newark's police
with a band of sacrilegious officers broke in
upon the sacred concert ana arrested all
It will be seen by this that originality
commands little respect in New Jersey, and
probably the Newarkers will have to be
satisfied with the old style sacred concert,
organized on the basis- of- two quarter kegs
of beer to every bar of secular music played.
ALBANrS PEIZE SWINDLE.
"When a taxpayer in New York State
wants a little excitement he can always
command it by footing up what the Capitol
at Albany has already cost The mildest
man cannot but feel a little irritated at the
amount of unconscionable rascality that
huge job has concealed. At present the
State Legislature is trying to find out who
was responsible for substituting papier
mache for oak in the construction of the
Assembly chamber's ceiling.
The New York taxpayers are beginning to
think that it would have been just as well
to have allowed the Assemblymen to be
corrected by hundreds Of tons of stone
ceiling falling on their heads. The legislat
ors are conducting the search for the con
tractor who put in the paper ceiling with
the greatest possible care not to find him or
his accomplices. The Committee of In
quiry has a Chairman who diligently rules
out of order all questions that seem
likely to elicit information. He told
one member who wished to investigate in
earnest, the other day that he intended to
rule all his questions out of order whatever
they might be. A majority of the commit
tee itself is suspected, on pretty good
grounds, to be hunting for arguments to
prove that after all paper is better than
wood for a ceiling.
But the ceiling question is rapidly disap
pearing behind the immediate need for an
inquiry into the behavior of the committee.
The House will investigate the committee,
whitewash them, and the taxpayers will be
asked to look in at another hole in the Cap
itol peep-show and see howbadly some more
millions are needed to keep the whole build
ing from falling apart
It is rather surprising to find this asser
tion hurled at the public with all the force
of capital letters, by the New York Herald:
"Only Washington, of the outgoing Presi
dents, was subject to as much virnlent
abuse, both personal and political, as Mr.
Cleveland, and yet "Washington is very well
spoken of now." It would be well for the
author of this declaration to study the news
paper literature of past administrations.
Arthur was vituperated as much as Cleveland
was, and resembled him, too, in being the
object of some very uncomplimentary epi--thets
from members of his own party". Pres
ident Hayes received more-virulent abuse,
and the bitterness is kept up alter he has
been in private life nearly ten years. The
violence of the attacks upon General Grant
far surpassed anything that has been said of
Cleveland; and it should be instrnctive to
remember that nothing said about the retir
ing President has been half so violent as the
terms "gorilla," "buffoon" and "tyrant"
with which the Democratic press assailed
the greatest and best of modern Presidents.
Mr. Cleveland has been the object of some
unjustifiable attacks, but it is an encour
aging sign, that the virulence and vulgarity
of these partisan attacks is by no means
remarkable among those of the past twenty
The admission of new States, requiring
the addition of four stars to all the official
flags, is almost as great a stroke of business
for the flag manufacturers as the bill requir
ing the flag to be displayed on all the
Anothee coal trust is created in the
news columns of our esteemed cotemporaries.
When our river coal men can shut off the
Kanawha mines, and control all the coal
fields of Kentucky, West "Virginia, Ohio
and Pennsylvania, they may be able to form
a combination that will affect prices. But
what the combination may try to do is to
control the rate of wages for mining; and if,
as reported by a city paper, they intend to
reduce it to a basis of lc per bushel in the
first pool, it will be a lesson on the relation
of such concerns to labor, which our labor
friends who have been favoring combina
tions should lay to heart. As a fact the
syndicate hopes to establish this margin
above the mining rate, which they can do
when they shut off outside competition and
Perhaps Bismarck is sending that fleet
of four iron-clads to Samoa to find out
whether onr coal station is called Pago
Pago or Pango-Pango. No smaller expedi
tion is likely to make that discovery.
It is understood that Mr. Estee is going
to have a place in the Cabinet or know the
reason why. The Pacific railroads are -under
the impression that they ran the Chi
cago convention, and after it was over the
Western delegates went straight to Indian
apolis and wanted to be recognized. If
tHey are left out in the cold now, they wish
to inquire what is the use of setting up con
ventions and beating Gresham.
If Pennsylvania shonld adopt the Con
stitutional amendment the remark of the
Governor of North .Carolina to the Gover
nor of South Carolina wonld be exceedingly
applicable throughout the State.
Inspectob Gkeee's report on the Mc
Alisterville school elaborately indorses that
institution with the careful reservation that
the inspector does not know anything about
the food furnished there. As the food is
one of the most important matters, the re
port seems to suggest that among other
vital reforms in connection with the school,
it would be well for inspectors to inspect.
General Bossee, who was famous 'for
his parting certain races in the Shenandoah
Valley 25 years ago, is trying to retain that
fame by showing what a fool he still is.
The vitality of Henry M. Stanley con
tinues to rise superior to the many attacks
upon it Day before yesterday he was
killed by the correspondents, and yesterday
he was going to march on Khartoum and
clean out the False Prophet One report is
about as valuable as the other, the total
worth of both put together being repre
sented by zero.
Zero weather has been a scarce article in
Pittsburg for two or three seasons, which
makes it all the more trying to have it jurhp
upon us as it did yesterday morning.
Germany asserts, through the columns
of the Cologne Gazette, that "the policy of
Germany was bringing peace to Samoa."
If Germany will remember the famous say
ing of similar tenor, that "the Empire is
peace," it may conclude that the phraseol
ogy of false pretenses does not pay.
, Seceetaey Bayard's foreign policy
for the past three months has made an
equal display of white feather and white
wash. The discovery of thelllinois Central road
that it is bound by its charter limitations
strikes the railway organs at large as a pe
culiarity audacious contradiction of the ac
cepted corporate theory that, the only Jaw
which corporations may obey is the law of
THE ,T0PICAL TALKER.
A Veneering of Righteousness The Accent
on (ho Dye A Law Aealnst Overcrowd
Inff Needed A Society Device.
TnEY were showing a clergyman through the
composing room of a newspaper which prides
itself on possessing aroUgious tone, and strange
to say the good man recognized m one of the
compositors a member of his congregation.
"I am glad to know you work on a religious
paper," said the mmtster to the compositor who
was busy sticking type.
"Yes, this is a of a religious paperl" re-
pliea the compositor. "I've just set & prize
fight in leaded brevier, and now I'm setting a
sermon in solid nonpareil!"
And when it was explained to the clergyman
that the pugilistic meeting had been given the
greatest possible prominence in type while the
sermon had been accorded the least he was
Wires the Johnstown accommodation, west
bound, stopped at Stiaoyside on Friday morn
ing the cars wero crowded almost to suffoca
tion; people were glad to get standing room In
the baggage car and on the platform and steps
.of the cars. The train was crowded with men
who were going to participate in the parades,
and men, women and children who wanted to
see the marchers.
Well, on the Shadyside station platform were
many more who wanted to get to town and
among them a large number of ladies. A
brakeman very sensibly advised the ladies to
wait for the next train, but one of them re
plied:' "Oh, if we had to hang on the steps
we'd go on this train," and this seemed to be
the sentiment of all the women, for they man
aged to clamber upon the train.
Passengers on that train assert that there
was considerable danger in the overcrowding
of the cars, and in swinging around the corner
at Two Mile Bun at a high speed there was
great alarm among the passengers. The public
itself is principally to blamofor the overcrowd
ing in this case, for there was really no neces
sity for everybody to make for town upon this
particular train. There were plenty more trains
after it and I am informed they were not over
crowded. The woman who said she would go to town on
that train if she had to hang on to the steps
very fairly represents the majority of both
sexes in this country. The shameful over
crowding of street and railway cars is peculiar
to America. In Europe the capacity of rail
road and street vehicles is fixed bylaw, and
transportation companies are forbidden, on
pain of fine, to carry more than the car's legal
complement. Some such law is very badly
"Did you over know of a person dying from a
headache, doctor?" asked a nervous young
woman of fashion of her pnysician.
"No," replied he with a glance at the inquir
er's wealth of too golden hair," but I havo
known people to get headaches from dyeing."
That extremely brilliant sunset on Thurs
day evening preceded a blizzard, as did a simi
lar heavenly illumination which occurred two
or three weeks ago. It would be very Interest
ing to know whether there is any connection,
not merely accidental, between the crimson
snnset and the blizzard. If one could feel sure
every time the sun paints the sky crimson at
setting in winter time that a period of ex
treme frigidity is at hand it would be very con
Three commercial men you might call
them drummers had you the mind to were
spending the evening together in a hotel room
of no great size. They discuss ed many things,
did these three, whom we may name Brown,
Smith and Robinson, from prohibition, with
punctuations of whisky from a flask, to the
latest comic opera, with incidental puffs of
strong cigar smoke.
Robinson, however, out-talked his compan
ions: talked all around them, and talked of all
sorts of things. Everything the others said re
minded Robinson of something he had heard,
seen or done. He told stories of great length
and microscopical point. This loquacity made
Smith and Brown slightly weary. The smoko
of three cigars constantly in action made the
air heavy, and the whisky made the drinkers
"Open the transom, will you Brown," said
Smith at last.
'That reminds me of ' began Robinson.
'What reminds you? " asked Smith angrily.
"Why opening the transom,',' replied Robin
son with a look of surprise. '
"Brown, please shut the transom," said Smith
"Why Old you give your husband that letter
to mail, he'll be sure to forget it?" said a nice
old lady to her daughter yesterday.
"That's why I gave it to him. It is an invita
tion to that dreadful Mrs. Blank. I'vo got to
send her an invitation for my reception, but I
don't want her to come."
I would not be surprised if the atom of con
versation reported abovecontains some expla
nation of the mysterious failnre of so many
invitations to mako a safe passage of the
As was noted the other day, there is a ten
dency observable in thelatestfashions,and those
promised for the spring, in ladies' bonnets and
hats to become lower. How universal is the
bop among men that the lofty theater hat,
which has mado countless thousands mourn,
will never arise again! Hefbujuj Johns.
PE0MINENT PEOPLE PARAGRAPHED.
Mrs. Ole Bull is having a charming new
houso built for her at Cambridge, Mass.
The Chinese Minister and suit arrived at
Washington yesterday morning, from Havana,
by the fast mail train on the Atlantic coast
Mb. Irving said lately of Miss Terry's Lady
Macbeth that "she had dusted away the cob
webs of a hundred years that had accumulated
upon the part,"
"We are all Socialists at heart," the Prince
of Wales is reported to have said to a states
man of the old school the other day. The court
dress reform is said to emanate from the Prince,
who when at Vienna "was much struck with
the dignity and propriety of the dresses of the
A plucky and successful young man is M.
Antoine, of the Theater Libre, Paris. "When
he started that venture, two years ago. his only
capital was the $30 a month he was earning as
a clerk in a gas company's office. His first two
performances were free to all comers. Now
his theater is one of the most profitable in
MrS. Cleveland and George W. Childs, of
Philadelphia, yesterday acted as sponsors at
the christening of the infant daughter of Mrs.
and Senor Pedroso, attache of the Spanish
Legation at Washington. A large number of
prominent people were present. The child re
ceived the name of Elisa Macalester Maria
Genouena de Pedroso.
Miss Fabian, a devoted little English wo
man, passed through New York recently on
her way to the Sandwich Islands, where she is
going as a volunteer nurse to the leper colony
atMolokai. She knows that she can never
come back to her friends, but sho fcltthatduty
called her to that terrible spot and"Sho fol
lowed its call with perfeetxheerfulness.
The North British Mail imparts this very
valuable information: Affianced young ladies
in the United States have originated a novel
method of announcing their betrothal. They
send their friends a photograph of their left
hand, with the engagement ring prominently
displayed. Some girls present theirflance with
a copy of the hand elaborately framed in ivory
Kraszewskl. the Polish author and patriot,
who was imprisoned for years in a German
fortress, has just died in Italy. He left to his
family 82,000 rubles, a valuable collection of
paintings, a library of 42,000 volumes, and a
largo number of valuable manuscripts. The
Imperial Library of St. Petersburg has en
tered into negotiation with the heirs for the
purchase of these manuscripts, many of which
relate to Russia.
Dead Men Are Toted Sometimes.
From the Oil City Blizzard. 1
It is of little practical benefit to a candidate
to send confidence circular appeals through the
postofflce to people who are dead, bnt it shows
his friendliness and good wilt
One Bismarck Silenced.
From the New York World.1
The United States Government finds it hard J
to checkmate Prince Bismarck, but we have
successfully taken in Bismarck, Dak,
STEEETS WITHOUT HORSES,
Whnt nn English Paper Thinks of the Self
The London Standard, commenting upon the
new electric omnibus which has been running
for the last week or two in the great metropo
lis, says: One hardly cares to see the abundant
dangers of the streets of London increased by
the addition of a number of heavy machines,
running at the rate of eight or ten miles an
hour. However perfect the mechanical ar
rangements might be, if 13 difficult to suppose
that the vehicles can be guided with the instan
taneousness and precision with which a horse
can be pulled up, or turned, by his driver, from
the high seat of a hansom or the box of an om
nibus, and, indeed, it Is not easy to imagine the
condition of the Strand or Regent
street when pervaded by self-impelled car
riages, moving with the sneed of a fire-engine.
The danger to pedestrians rashly attempting
to cross the road (aspedestrians always will do)
in irom ox one oi these machines wouia De con
siderable, and the task of driving a fresh or
nervous horse through a London thoroughfare
would be -even more formidable than it is at
present But, no doubt in time, if electric
vehicles were found to succeed, horses would
almost disappear from the streets. From the
sanitary point of view, this might be an ad
vantage; from the sentimental one, it would be
very much the reverse. A city which had lost
the life and picturesqueness given to it by the
animal traffic of the roadways would be rather
a depressing place. There would be something
mournful, andalmost funereal. In the sight of
long files of cars moving along noiselessly and
mechanically, impelled by some underground
or invisible force. All would be regular, auto
matic, and gloomy. It would be the railway as
compared with the old mall coach;and the rail
way shorn of that sense of swiftness and irre.
sisuble power which does so much to restore to
us something of the romance of which in so
many ways It has deprived us.
THE NAPHTHA HABIT.
How tho Fames of tho Sinn" Beget Gorgeous
Visions of Splendor.
Boston, February 23. The latest female
vice is intoxication by naphtha. It is not
drunk. The fumes of it are simply inhaled,
inducing, so the inebriates say, a particularly
agreeable exhilaration. Not even hasheesh, It
is understood, begets more fascinating dreams
or more gorgeous visions of splendor. The
girls in the rubber factories, of which there
are a great number in Boston and its neighbor
hood, are greatly addicted to this novel form
of drunkenness. In such establishments
naphtha is used in enormous quantities to
cleanse the rubber, being kept in big boilers
closed against the air. To the valves of these
boilers the young women employes readily ob
tain access and breathe the exhalations there
from, some unlucky accident having betrajed
io a cuance experimenter tneaDominaDie secret.
The notion is said to have been brought
originally from Germany by immigrant labor
ers in petticoats. Now the manufacturers pro
pose to put a stop to the evil by keeping the
valves carefully locked.
An overdose of nantha fumes brings on hys
terical convulsions and other unpleasant symp
toms. The habit, long followed, causes a swell
ing of the face and other parts of the body, with
dropsy to follow, and sometimes epilepsy. On the
whole, it is difficult to know which of these
new fangled vices for woman to recommend.
There is ether drinking, laughing gas. ana tea
eating, besides the naptha. The conscientious
pursuit of any one of them will surely lead to
the lunatic asylum. You pays your money as
one might remark and you takes your choice.
REAM FOR THE IKiUGURAL.
Telegraph Stations to bo'Locatcd AH Along
tho Line of March.
Special Telecram to the Dispatch.
Washington, February 23. All day long at
tho headquarters of the Inaugural Committee
Adjutant General Hastings and members of
the committee pored over maps of the city as
though planning a battle, designating finally
the positions of the various divisions of the
monster procession of the 4th of March.
A new feature is a thorough organization of
telegraph stations to bo scattered along tho
line of march, from which information can ba
given any moment if there occurs an obstruc
tion to the progress of the procession or break
in the ranks. The headquarters of this service
will be at the Capital, in a house thrown up
for the occasion, and in charge of Captain
Harrington. At each of these stations will be
messenger boys and mounted policemen, and
tho moment orders are received from head
quarters they will be carried post-haste to the
omcer to wnom tney are airecteu.
General Hastings, Governor Beaver's Chief
of Staff, to-day appointed, to take charge of
the telegraph station near the grandstand.
Colonel Thad K. Sailer, Chief Clerk of the
Bureau of Ordnance of the War Department,
who is with all the newspaper correspondents,
as well as everybody else, one of the most
popular of the department officials. It will bo
his special providence to prevent the breaking
up and straggling of the procession after it
reaches and passes the grandstand, as it did to
alaige extent four years ago. to the disar
rangement of everything, and almost resulting
in a fight between two Pennsylvania regiments.
ESSICK'S INTENTION SUCCESSFUL.
nc Believes it Will Knock Oat Telephones
If Nothinc Else.
.New York, February 23. Forseveralmonths
past experiments have been made between this
city, Philadelphia and Pittsburg with a new
printing telegraph called "Essick's Type
writing Telegraph." Tho latest experiments
made on a line 740 miles in length, in all kinds
of weather and under unfavorable conditions,
are claimed to have been very satisfactory, and
as demonstrating the perfect feasibility of the
system. The transmitting instrument 'is
worked like a keyboard, and requires no
special training on the part of the operator.
The matter transmitted is received at the op
posite terminal and at way stations automat
ically on strips of paper three or f our inches
wide, in plain print.
The operations of this telegraph havo been
witnessed-by leading journalists with much in
terest, as it promises advantages for newspaper
work. The inventor claims that it will largely
supersede the telephone. Tho present speed is
about 35 words per minute, with a possibility of
0 words. t
A CURIOUS COINCIDENCE.
A Jndeo Who Decided Against BIcylos Is
Soon Knocked Down by One.
Special Telegram to The Dispatch.
Indianapolis, February 23. Just before
the Judges of tho Indiana Supreme Court
separated on last Thursday to go to dinner,
they agreed on a decision offsetting tho rights
of bicycle riders to the use of sidewalks.
Three minutes later a reckless bicycle rider
ran into Judges Coffey and Berkshire, and
knocked the former flat upon the stone side
walk in front of the State House, injuring him
so seriously that bo has not been able sinco to
give attention to judicial duties.
The decision that had been agreed upon just
before the accident was made public to-day,
and is of an extraordinary nature. In it the
Court holds that a person who "rudely and
recklessly" rides a bicycle against a man stand
ing on a sidewalk is responsible for damages
for assault and battery, and that bicycles havo
no moro right on sidewalks than any other
TO PREACH PROHIBITION.
Ex-Mnstef Workman Rankin Engaged to
Lecture nt Stcclton.
rVBOM A STAFF COmiESrOHIlENT.l
HAKMsncno, February 23. Ex-Master
Workman Rankin, of D. A. No. 3, K. of L., is
highly appreciated in Dauphin county. The
ladies of the W, C. T. U. at Steelton have se
cured him for seven consecutive nights, com
mencing Friday. March 1, to present tho bene
fits of the prohibition amendment to the peo
ple of that place. The great steel works there
employs 3,000 men.
For n Change.
From the Boston Herald, l ' ,
The Portsmouth burglar who broke into the
smallpox hospital up there the other night will
now proceed to break out.
DEATHS OP A DAY.
Sister Mnry Cccilln Smith.
lULTiiioitE, February 23. Sister ilary Cecilia
Smith died Thursday at tbe Convent of the Visita
tion, this city, In the 81st year ofher age. Sbcwas
the widow or General. Ferslfer h: Snath, of tile
United States Army, who was a distinguished
officer in the Mexican War. Jl was a native of
Philadelphia, aud died In Kansas City In IS58,
while on his way to take command orthe Utah ex
pedition 'of that year.
Haltimore, February 23. Henry McShane, the
widely-known bell founder or this city, died this
morning at his residence, at Mount Washington,
of heart failure, aged 62 years. Tho McShane
fonndry Is celebrated for the pnrlty of tone or
bells produced, and of late years orders have been
received trom nearly every country in the world.
JUarllu A. Howell.
NEWBBtrNSWiCK,Tf.J February 23. Ex-Mayor
Martin A. Howell, one of tho wealthiest business
men in the city, died this morning after a short 111-'
ness. Ho was born In 1804.
CAPITAL GOSSIP. - "
The Royal Magnificence of This Great Re
public A Crash at the President' Re
ccptlon Both Jndgo nod District At
torney Played Poker.
Special Telegram to Tho Dispatch.
Washington, D. C, February 2a Contrast
the advent of the first Republican President
at the National Capital with that of the first
Republican President after the brief, uneasy
Democratic dream of four years. They are
the two Presidents who have come out of the
West one from Illinois and the other from
Indiana. Lincoln came as the humblest priv
ate individual might come, as any ordinary
passenger of a railway carriage might come,
and so unostentatiously that even.his watchful
enemies could not follow his movements. Har
rison comes in the magnificent private car of a
railroad king, with such finish and furnishing
as one would hardly find In the old royal pal
aces of tho East. Lincoln had one room at
Willard's Hotel, a plain ordinary room, in
which I have often sat without feeling that it
was too fine, even for a lowly Bohemian
Harrison will occupy a splendid sulte-of rooms
in a detached and exelnrtert nnrtlon of the Ar
lington, which are given only to persons of
royal blood, kings and queens of the footlights,
money magnates, such as tho Brazilian Em
peror, the Prince of Wales, tho Marquise de
Caux, otherwise Adellni PattI, Boulanger,
Chamberlain, and a host of Lords, Dukes and
so forth. It is to be newly furnished for this
occasion at an expense of thousands of dollars,
with richest rugs and draperies of the Orient
and the rarest woods of San Domingo.
magnificence of n Repnblic.
Somebody at my elbow reading the descrip
tion of this car and these apartments complains
that this is a departure from the simplicity of
the fathers, with which allegation I heartily
disagree, for I am convinced that if Washing
ton and Adams lived in this day they wonld
have courted all the magnificence available
in tho way of private cars and magnificent
apartments, for they were firm believers in the
theory that rulers should be exclusive and awe
the people by their lofty bearing and superior
manner of living. This statement may sur
prise some who read it, but it can be found in
black and white in the early records. It was
even seriously discussed whether there should
be such a performance as popular receptions,
and the negative of the proposition had for its
supporters many of the most distinguished
public men of the time. When one witnesses
the insane rush of these receptions by persons
who are moved by mere curiosity, one is led to
regret that tho fathers of the Republic did not
put their feet down upon this practice so vigor
ously as to prevent forever the possibility of
men and women making fools of themselves as
they do in -great numbers almost every week
unless the weather be exceedingly fonl.
But, really, the use of this magnifi
cence in the indnction of a President into
office is a good thing. It sets a good example
to the poor, and comparatively poor, people of
the country. Thevare learninc that under a
scientific system of production and distribution
it would be possible for all men to ride in mag
nificent railway and other carriages and to oc
cupy rooms luxuriously furnished, and I am
glad to accept all approaches to royal magnifi
cence in our democratic country as the har
bingers of things to be for everyone.
The Jqdgo Played Poker.
Representative Littleton Wilde Moore, com
monly called "Lit" by.the boys, member from
the Eighth district of Texas, is certainly dis
tinguished in a way that cannot be claimed by
any other Congiessman who has ever graced
the Hall of Representatives. A few years ago
ho was a Judge in his county, but that
fact did not prevent him from being
human and part of the jolly Judge's human
nature was never to refuse a band at poker. At
that time the laws of Texas, or at least that
part of it were very strict in opposition to
gambllne, and, strange as it may seem, it fre
quently happened that the officers of the law
invaded private rooms and brought devotees of
the great American game to book, though they
were friends and merely playing a "little harm
less social game of penny ante," While Moore
was Judge he was caught in the act. His dere
liction was presented to his own grand jury
then in session: and the jury promptly found a
true bill against the Jndge for gambling. I
am sorry not to conclude the yarn by describ
ing the trial of tho Judge with himself upon
the bench, but biographical truth demands
that I record the lamentable fact that the in
dictment was pigeon-holed by a District At
torney, who himself knew the value of ace high
or a pair of deuces with a big bank account be
A Mntter of Locality.
Mlssourians, withont regard to party, speak
in terms of the highest praise of John Willock
Noble, of St. Louis, who is said to be tho choice
of President Harrison for Secretary of the In
terior. His ability and gentility are vouched
for. In fact, for some of tho rank and file of
the Republicans the reports are too compli
mentary to the aristocratic characteristics of
"Well, If he is so fino haired as that," said
one of this class, "I hope he won't get the place.
We don't want any dudes in tbi3 administra
tion." "Well," said a Missonrian, "Noble is not a
dnde, but he belongs to the silk-stocking ele
ment. There are two classes of Republicans in
Missouri, th e silk-stockings and the hoodlums,
and Noble belongs to the former."
"Oh, well, he's aa right, then," said tho ob
jector to dudes; "a Missouri silk-stocking would
be Washington hoodlum."
Palmer in thp Cnblncr.
Though little has been said of Senator Palmer
of late in connection with the Cabinet, lam.
privatelymformed by very good authority that
that gentleman can have a position in the po
litical household of President Harrison ff he
will accept it. I earnestly hope he will be the
Chief of the Department of Agriculture, and
organize that promoted bureau into a sensible
arm of the Government, for the promotion of
the interests of the farming and stock breeding
world. As heretofore conducted the bureau
hasbeecrmalnly a burlesque of the practical,and
it requires some one enthusiastic in the work
and understanding what is wanted to take hold
of it and give it at least the importance that is
now attached to the Departments of State,
Army and Navy. I know of no man better
quaiinea now in pudiic mo ior mis wore man
Senator Palmer is. and echo a hODe of a vast
number of people who love the soil and its as
sociations that he will bo found in this place
soon after the 4tb of March. E. W. L.
MRS. LESLIE HAS SOLD OUT.
All Her Weekly Pnblicntions Have Been
Transferred la XV. J. ArkcII.
Cahajohakie, N. Y., February 23. Mrs.
Frank Leslie has sold to W. J. Arkell, of Judge,
her weekly illustrated papers, both Enelisfc
and German, the transfers to be made May L
Mrs. Leslie will retain and personally direct
her other publications. Mr. Arkell refuses to
state the price paid.
He says the policy of the weekly will remain
the same aggressive and independent. The
present force will be retained and new skill
added. Mr. Arkell said be had been negotiating
with these papers since 1883.
Where Executive Ability Failed.
From the Indianapolis Journal.1.
An Atchison woman, with a'family of girls,
reared them up with tbe fixed determination
that not one of them should ever marry a Mis
sonrian, a Democrat or a man named John,
and the very first one to go married all three.
Hotter Walt Till They Foot the BUI.
From Texas Sifting!.!
Don't let's bo in a hnrry about annexing
Canada. Montreal is going to spend W.000,000
in harbor improvements, which will save us
-that much money if we can only wait.
From the Lawrence (Mass.) American. .
ThMbct is, the newspapers have outgrown
the oSFlaw of libel, and there is need of a
change. The Legislature will do well to look
to thq subject.
A LEGAL SECRET.
'Twlxt two dull legal leaves It lies,
An old unfinished valentine;
"If you love tne as I love j on"
That's all one tender, time-dimmed line.
Ko, not quite all, for here's the date,
"Feb. fourteenth, seventeen ninety-three;"
And Just above is faintly traced.
In faded ink, 'To Dorothy."
p dusty tome! you've guarded well
The secret of this billet doux;
You're near a century older since
Some love-lorn lawyer trusted you.
Was It the longed-for client's knock.
When he this single line had traced,
That made him start In sudden shame
And hide his rhyme with guilty haste?
"Ifroa love me asI love you"
I wonder If she did or no;
I wonder if she was false or true,
This "Dorothy" pflong ago.
Ab. welll it cannot matter now.
And yet, above earth's busy stir,
Perhaps, who knows, somewhere, somehow,
She still loves him as helove3 her.
Jennie P. BUD in Life.
., . SOLDIER LEGISLATORS.
Some Gay and Pathetic Stories Told by and
of tbe Old Warriors.
rrBOX A STAFF CORBXSrOXDEKT.J
Haebisbubg, February 23. In the absence
of the Legislature, soldier stories were one of
the special orders of the day. There is a large
number of soldiers in the House, but the dis
cussion was confined to a few. One of the few
was Captain Clay, of Elk county, and this good
story was told about him:
It was after the war had ended, and Captain
Clay was stationed in a Virginia town as Pro
vost MarshaL The orders bad gone out that
the Confederates might wtar their uniforms,
but they were to remove from them all military
buttons and insignia of rank and were not per
mitted to carry side arms.
One day Captain Clay sat in front of his of
fice, when Confederate General Rosser rode
by, on bis collar the gold stars of his rank, and
his uniform covered with buttons of gilt. As
he passed,he took occasion to curse the Yan
kees and show.his contempt for the North gen
erally. The rebel officer halted at a hotel near
by and went in. Clay called an orderly and
told him to take a squad of men, go up to tbe
hotel and tell the rebel General to remove his
stars and all the Confederate buttons on his
uniform. The orderly carried out his orders,
and returned to Clay with the information that
the General had refused to comply with his
"All right" said Clay..
Toward evening rebel General Rosser came
out of tbe hotel, mounted his horse and rode
toward Clay's headquarters. As he neared
them tbe Captain sent his orderly out to halt
him. Rosser hadn't bargained for this.
"What do you mean, sab?" he asked.
"General," said Captain Clay, "yon received
my request, and knew that under the terms of
surrender you had no right to wear yonr in
signia of tbe rank and the Confederate button
on your uniform?"
"And you refused to -comply. The first
duty of a soldier is to obey orders. This you
Rosser was abashed. He didn't say a word.
Then Captatn Clay told his orderly to cut the
stars and buttons from the General's uniform,
and right there in the road the orderly
took out his knife, and one by one removed
the stars and buttons, Clay looking on com
placently. When tho rebel General rode away It was
with a 'saddened heart. He had learned a
lesson. To day be la a famous railroad man
ager, and Friday night he made a speech abus
ing Sherman. Captain Clay ought to get after
Another fine soldier on the Democratic side
of the House is Captain Skinner, of Fulton
county. One of his 'comrades said tbe gallant
Captain had pawned his watch, as though it
were an everyday occurrence, to buy tobacco
for his men.
A gentleman who was at the Erie Encamp
ment said that when the encampment was dis
cussing where to hold the next meeting, an old
Potter county veteran arose and started off on
a speech favoring Williamsport. His voice wa3
shrill and be did not make himself very plainly
understood, which made some of tbe boys tired,
and there were cries for bim to "cut it short."
At this the old veteran straightened up,
paused a moment, and then in a voice that cut
dike a knife, he said: "Comrades, I am Post
Commander of a post named after my son, who
was killed while fighting under his father."
No need for further appeal to tbe gallant
men who wore the blue. Eyes filled with tears,
voices were hushed and the veteran was given
respectful hearing. Simpson.
GOSSIP OP GREAT GOTHAM.
Might Have Been Suicide.
SKW TOBK BUREAU SPECIALS.
New Yobk, February 23. Thomas Sehultz,
a middle-aged man living in Brooklyn, reported
to the police this morning that his wife bad
committed suicide during the night. An inves
tigation was ordered, and it was found that the
woman's death was caused by a pistol shot,
and that tho conple had quarreled during the
night. Sehultz was detained to wait the ver
dict of tbe Coroner's jury
nnn-7 Hill's Pavilion Raided.
Early this morning the police raided Harry
Hill's "Pavilion'' at Flushing. L. I., while a
cock fight was in progress, and arrested 15 par
ticipants. Berry Wall's Unpnid Tailor's BUI.
In a suit tor a small tailor's bill to-day, the
attorneys for the tradesman moved that E.
Berry Wall, once tbe prince of the dudes, be
held in contempt. The young man's lawyers
pleaded that his failure to appear and answer
was duo to the death of his brother in Cali
fornia. He was given further delay with 30
Turn About Fair Play.
Mr. Alfred A. Liscomb will start to walk
from this city to Washington next Monday
morning, inpayment of an election bet made
with George Griffith, of Philadelphia. Griffith
walked from his home here to sec Mayor Grant
inaugurated, and now the Democrat is to pay
Actor Iieverson Blast Support HI Wife.
Arthur Leverson, the actor who was arrested
on the complaint of his wife, Kate, for aban
donment and failing to support her, was before
Justice Duffy at Jefferson Market Court, to
day. Leverson agreed to pay his wifo $10 a
week pending the divorce proceedings he has
instituted against her, and was discharged.
A HOG DIES OP GRIEF.
He Refused to Eat After Ills Master Died
and Starved to Death.
Philadelphia. February 23. The em
ployes or the gas works and the dwellers in the
vicinity of Twenty-first and Bainbrldge streets
are in mourning for the loss of ''Prince," a
well-known canlno who died early yesterday
He was the property of William Harrison, of
No. 2043 Bainbridge street, and for 23 years an
employe of the gas works, who died on Friday
last. "Prince," upon the death of his master,
became inconsolable and refused to eat. Since
the day of Mr. Harrison's death he ate but ono
meal and went around the house moaning pit
cously. He was 8 years old. He was a cross
between a Skye and a Scotch terrier and was
an unusually large shaggy dog for theireed.
"Prince" was noted for his intelligence, and
always accompanied his master to work. He
grew weaker and weaker day by day from the
time of his master's death nntil he finally suc
cumbed to sorrow and exhaustion, absolutely
starving himself to death through grief at the
loss he had sustained. "Prince" was noted
in bis lifetime for his loving disposition.
BALLAD OP THE BLIZZARD.
The Weather Done Up, Figuratively and
Literally, ia Poetic Guise.
The Associated Press, that usually staid
chronicler of passing events, last night sent
out the following effusion on tbe weather in
tbe Northwest. It will be noticed that as the
poem proceeds it becomes more and more stac
cato, and it is believed that at the end of the
last line the wrath of tho blizzard overtook the
poet, freezing him so suddenly that he broke
off as he was turning the crank of his poetry
ST. PAUL, February's.
The people of the Northwest, in furs and woolens
Are experiencing the coldest weather, with feel
ings all unruffled.
The mercury this morning here was 23 below.
While other towns were freezing with 52 below.
Minnesota felt the latter with tbe former at St.
And the Ice King grew the fatter at the shivering
Baseball was abandoned and croquet was laid
The "cranks" were grave and saddened, and the
picnickers were not gay.
The Signal Service folks reported the cold wave
From Missouri it cavorted past the Arctic's frozen
At Grand Forks In Dakota and Daluth, Minn., it
was 40 degrees below.
It was without doubt a very cold day in Dakota,
where was badly drifted snow.
For a time this blockade all the trains had delayed
for a short time.
But some vigorous hustling and very live bustling
brought trains on time.
To-nlghl it is no colder,
Althoughprophets grown bolder
Said it would be.
A warm spot In Montana .
Gave promise to very many that warmer
It will be.
The morphine craze is growing. A
Portland, Me., manufacturer has made and
sold 25i000 hypodermic needles since 1888.
The "postofficetj Mineral ;Point, Col.,
12,000 feet above the sea level, is the highest
postofflce in the country. But the postmaster
says his salary is about the lowest
A bHl has been presented to the Pros,
stan Parliament for extending and improving
the railway system of the monarchy at an esti
mated total cost of nearly 157,000,000 marks.
An enterprising editor in Nebraska,
wanting to boom the matrimonial market of
fers to send his paper free for six months to
every couple getting married in the county.
Guns are now being made so powerful
that the objects which their missiles are in
tended to trike will be out of sight. Conse
quently the guns can only be directed by the
A Georgia couple, believing in the say
ing that a fruit cake improves with age, kept
tneir wedding cake until last week, when,
with their children, they ate it. The cake was
IS ye ars old.
W. Von der Wettern, a Baltimore
sportsman, has a collection of deer horns that
are valued at 310,000. The finest specimen is
from a black-tailed deer killed in Colorado. It
has 15 prongs.
In Stockholm they have not yet feff
ished honoring Jenny Lind. A new street has'
just been called after her, and a sculptor has
recently finished a statue representing her in
the costume of Norma.
Six workmen of the late Thomas B.
Peddle, Newark's millionaire, acted as his pall
bearers, aid over 200 of his employes attended
the funeral. All tbe public offices in the city
,wcre closed a portion of the day.
The clergyman in an English town,
having published the bans of matrimony be
tween two persons, was followed by the clerk,
reading the hymn beginning with these words:
"Mistaken souls, who dream of heaven."
A great live eagle has been seen on the
ice on the North river, near One Hundred and
Eighth street. New Yonr. for the last two or
three days, and many hunting parties have been
formed to capture it. As yet they have been
A Brewer (Jle.) woman, while hanging
out her wasb, discovered what appeared to be
a patch in the hem of a skirt, and, investigat
ing, found it to be a $5 bill, which she had long
before sewed into the hem for safe keeping
About 100 jears ago a man named Droz
made a very curious clock. Upon the tqp sat a
negro, a shepherd and a dog. When the clock
struck the negro played six tunes upon a flute,
and the dog moved toward him, as though
glad to see him.
A burglar in Wheeling who awoke one
of the sleepers in a house he was ransacking,
wasn't unnerved in tho least by the query,
"Who's there?"' He replied, "Never mind,
you've been dreaming," and then continued
his search for valuables.
A cyclone lifted a vessel out of the
water at Disston City, Fla., carried it some dis
tance, and then dropping the craft, drove its
mast so far into the sand that the stick
conldn't weU bo drawn, and therefoie was cut
oil in order to release the boat.
A Scotchman, in the picturesque and
airy costume of the Highlands, boarded a train
at Lyons the other day bound for Nice. Two
French ladies were in the carriage, and the
moment the Highland laddie made his appear
ance they were terrified, and rushed on the
platform yelling for help.
The Chinese Times says: Some time
ago tbe imperial armory at Peking, called the
Wu Pi-yuan, received instructions to prepare
for the use of His Majesty's marriage 260 pairs
of boots. These boots have since been com
pleted, and on the 9th instant they were packed
in boxes and conveyed to the managing depart
ment of the imperial household.
At weddings among Germans in the
Southern colonies 150 years ago, the grooms
men attended in their beautifully embroidered
white aprons. Their duty was to protect the
bride from having her slipper stolen from her
foot. If anyone succeeded in capturing it,
the groomsman paid a bottle of wine for the
loss, as the bride s dancing depended upon it.
Paper doors are said to be great im
provements over wooden ones. They are
formed of two thick paper boards,stamped and
molded into panels and glazed together with
glue and potash and then rolled through heavy
rollers. After being covered with a waterproof
coating and one that is fireproof, they are
painted, varnished and hung in their usual
t The Prussian War Minister has just
published in two volumes a history of the colors
of the Prussian army from 1807. It appears
that In tbe campaign of ISO! and 1S6U, 99 stand
ards were pierced by balls. In the campaign of
1870 the number of regimental colors pierced
was 151. The flag of the Seventh Regiment of
Infantry was hit by 23 balls in the single battle
of Mars-ia-Tour. In the entire Franco-Prussian
war 33 Prussian standard bearers were
killed while holding their colors.
The process of imparting to wood some
of the special characteristics of metal has be
come of considerable industrial value in Ger
many; the wood surface, by this treatment,
becoming so bard and smooth as to be suscep
tible of a 'high polish, and, on being subjected
to a burnisher of glass or porcelain, the appear
ance of the wood is in every respect that of
polished metal, having, in fact, the semblance
of a polished mirror, but with this peculiar
and advantageous difference, namely, that, un
like metal, it is unattested by moisture.
One of the most remarkable engineer
ing feats appears to have been achieved in
China, in the face of extraordinary physical
difficulties, namely, the successful stretching
of a steel wire cable of seven strands across
tbe river Lunann, this feat having been accom
pilshed by the Danish engineer, Delinde, as
sisted only by unskilled native labor. The
cable extends between two points, at a distance
of nearly 4,700 feet apart, the height of the first
support being about 450 feet above the present
level of the river, and the second about 740
feet. Tho cable rn question is said to be the
longest In the world, with a single exception,
namely, the cable across the Kistna, measuring
some o,070 feet.. There are also two cables
across tbe Ganges, of 2,900 and 2,830 feet, re
spectively. CLIPPED BITS OF WIT.
A Social Veteran. Ted What did Giles
mean by saying Miss Lovelorn bad a war record?
Ned That she had been in many engagements,
I suppose. Sew York Evening Bun.
Appreciation. Bjones There's not much,
encouragement to be good In this world.
Merritt We never thine so until we are caught
doing bad. Sew Yofk Evening San.
An Impossibility. "Perkins is trying to
be a Cynic, I understand."
"Oh, yes; but he'll never succeed so long as he
regards himself as perfect-" Pue.
"What is the future of Irelandl" ex
claimed the Senator, in earnest tones.
"Ireland." said the new school ma'am, calmly,
"has no future; It is a noun." Boston Beacon.
A gentleman addressing the scholars of a
large school observed among the decorations
about the room an American flag, and said:
"Children, can any ot you tell me why that flag
was hung there?" "To hide the dirt." quickly
responded one sharp boy who had assisted In mak
ing the preparations for the occasion. Christian
A Sad Pleasantry. Emigrant I'm great
ly discouraged. As soon as my relations here
found I had no money they would "have nothing to
Solitary Friend You won't mind that In a few
days, ouraine over In the steerage, you see,
and you are not yet used to people giving you a,
wide berth. Sew York Evening San.
Satisfaction Wanted. Magistrate (to
Mrs. Con Kelly) Yon claim, Mrs. Kelly, thai
Mrs. O'Toollhan gave you that bruised and black
Mrs. Con Kelly-She did, yer honor; or I'm. not
Magistrate And what you want is damages?
Mrs. Keby-Naw, sir: I want satisfaction. I
have damages enough. Jlarper't Magazine.
tfSCLE SA3f O THE EAGLE.
The eagle's been a settin' round a holdin'
flags and things.
Ornamenting silver dollars with a qucerish pair of
Andalookln kinder sleepy, butef heshouldiee
a cause, ,
Yew wiUsee his eyes a blazln'and bc's'sotthe
same old claws. Albany Journal.
"What do you feed your while rabbit,
Tommy?" inquired Mr. Blldus, who had called to
talk politics with Tommy's father.
"The stubs of papa's cigars." was the reply.
"Why, doesn't tobacco mako the rabbit sick?"
"Who said anything about tobaccoj I gness
you never smoked one of papa's cigars."
Just then Tommy's father appeared, "Have a
cigar. Blldus," he said, cordially. "X never keep
any but the best and you can depend on these."
'"Thank you," said Blldus, feebly, "bat I
promised my doctor this morning to stop smok
ing. Vm threatened with paralysis, you know."