The Difference, You go upon the bpard of trade, Where margin merchants meet, And gake some litle options On January wheat ; »~ You watch the little ticker, gi _ JPlkthe hands swing round the ting, a you fad your litte boodle Has gone a-glimmering, That's bosiness. You go inte a faro bank And buy a stack of chips, And watch thé cards come from the box Which the dealer deftly Sips When your head is dull and ashing, At the breaking of the day, You see that fickle fortune £¥ Has gone the other way, ! That's gambling. Cincinnati Telegra. To Drown His Sorrow. * A dilapidated stranger called on an Austin lanthropist and. revealed a tale of woe, want, misery and dojection. At the conclusion. he said: “Would you think me at all lackingin philossiiny if I should drown my sorrow in the flowing bow! ?” The Austin philanthropist: looked at him a few moments, and then said hor riedly: “Come, let's go take a drink.” The wr quickly surrounded the contents of a full glass of whisky. Then he looked appealingly at the philanthro- pist and observed: “One doesn’t usually affect me.” “Well, fill up another; I've had enough,” said the benevolent citizen, at the same time starting toward the door. “Hold on,” said the sorrowful man, “Hold on... Where are you going 2 “Home.” “Didn't you bring ma downto drogn my, _gbrrow?” § 1 2 ®Weil, of conse you know a man can't drown unless he goes down three times, “Say, you fill ‘ens up again.” 1 Ancedote of Darwin, The following, said to be an authentic anecdote ‘of Charles Darwin, is going the round of the American papers. It refers to his old age—theperiod when he was bringing out his books on the habits of pants, bs, His health was poor; and-anold family servamt ~~ a woman — overhearing his danghter express some anxidty about | pr. his condition, sought to reassure her by | saving: “Hi beliove "master 'd be hall right, | madam, hif ‘e only 'ad somethin’ to hoe- cupy 8 mind; sometimes 'e stands in the conservatory from mornin’ till night just a-dookin’ at the flowers, 11if so much better, hi'm sure.” The spinner of this story says, “No one enjoved the joke more than the great naturalist himself.” SHARP, A eclebrated attorney once eame into 1 to court, after having lunched too freely, | WO¢ when the judge said to him, — “Sir, | am sorry to see you in a situa. | tion which is a disgrace to vourself and family, to the court, and to the profession to which you belong I" This remark of the learned judge clicit- ed the following colloquy : “Did vour honor speak to me?” “1 did, sir; I said that, in my opinion, vou disgrace yourseM and family, the court and the profession, by your course of conduet.” “May i-i-it please your honor, I have heen an attorney i-1-in this ccourt {or li-i-teen years ; and permit me to say, your honor, that this is correct opinion I ever knew g-givel” the very first A MEAN TRICK. “Never heard of any think so contemp!- ibly mean in all my life never!” he said, as he brought his right hand down | upon his left, “What was it? i “Why, I bet $20 with a man on one of the races, and we put the money in the bands of a stake er. I won it.” “Well 7” “Well, a constable stood right there and attached the whole $40 for a debt of five -— - “He positiv.dy did, and he offered to mop the ground with me to boot! Itis just such work as this that has brought horse-rasing into disrepute, and which kee people away from the tracks!" -— FEMINIKE INTUITION. Omaha Youth—( After a long absence) «Who is that pretty girl ? Sister Clara DeVere. Isn't she love- ly; she. fhinks you are handsome. “Fh? We wonders where you got that “What “It is out of style here, and she can’t understand why a man who wears such well-fitting clothes, the latest styte, too, should have on such clod- boots.” “Great Cesar, Sis, how do you know all that?" “I saw her look at you as she passed |” HB THOUGHT ME NAD BIN. 4, JH Pat made a bet of a dollar with Mike that he could carry a hod full of bricks up three ladders to the top of a building, with Mike sitting on the hod. The ladders were on the outside of the building. On the third ladder Pat mado a misstep, but caught himself in time to rave Mike falling forty feet to the stone sidewalk. Arriving at the top, Pat said: “Besorry, I've wan the dollure.” “Yin” replied Mike, “but whin ye shlipped I thought I had ye.” THE ONE SEE WARTED, “Tlow much for this melon?” sha nuitod ut the roarket yesterday, as sho in- dicated her ehaice, “That melon, madam, is & green ona.” “1iut how wuch 7 “You wouldn't want it at all, madam, us it would disappoint yon.” “But I do want it, sir, and hero's a dite for it.” “Ab! how dull T am today, to be sure!” sighed the as he looked after her. “She keeps a lug house, of ow a ——-———— A MILITARY TROUMLE, Mrs. Hogue: What does Hosry say about his school? Does the dear boy like the military discipline ? Mrs, Pogue: Oh, dear, no; they put him throuhg all sorts of drills and man. uvres, Mrs. Rogue: And how is his health? Mrs. Pogue: Not good, I im pine ; he writes that he troubled with the right shoulder shift. e | only had somethin’ to do, 'e 'd be hever | An Accomplished Wife, “Ah, old fellow,” sald an Austin gen. tleman, meeting another on the Avenue “80 vou are married at last, Allow me to congratulate von, for I hear vou have an excellent and ascom plished wife” “I have indeed,” was the reply ; “She is nccomplished, Why, sir, she is perfect. ly at howe in literature; at home in music; at home in art; at home in science—in short, at home everywhere except" “Excopt what 7" “Except at home, Tue country school-teacher had been telling her scholars about the seasons and their peculiarities, and to impress “a facts upon their minds she questioned yo “in the points she had given. bt . “had been put, and]she finally +, ».. siupid boy in the corner, “Well, John. ha : been paying attenti “Yess,” he answerea , “nti, “I am giad to hear it. Now - tell me. what there is in the Spring . “Yes'm, I can; but I don’t want to,” “Uh, yes, you do! Don’t be afraid. You have heard the other scholars. - Be a good boy now, and tell us what there is in the Spring.” “Wy—wy-—mum, there's a frog an' a lizard an’ @ cat init; but Ididn’t put "sr there. It was another boy, for I see him do it." Arkansaw Traveler, ave yon Vou A Bosrox minister, one who presides over a large and flourishing church at the South bad, and “lends a hand” in all good enterprises, who was to presch in Providesee, spent the night before-witha friend in a village some miles distant, and walked to ProvideagoSunghay. morn ing. Of the way, feeling hubgry, he stoppediata house by the wavsiie, ray the bell, and he motherly-le Wo nun Aw hos came to the door i Hie cold Hive a glass of milk and a slice of bread “Well, ’ she answered, “1 suppose vou can; butit does seem at though a big, stout man like you might earn ius living Vy work, aud not beg tor it.’ He hasbeen very considerate of tramps ever since. askea t MOK “Yorxa max, do yon want a job?” asked a man of a bootblack. “Beteherlife ; wot is it boss?” “You secm to be a clever sort of a fol. { low, How would you to for me on a small show me the opperchuni ke Seale 7 Ly { you go across the street, and i those Dusket 1 ten cents,’ yo | } IN gis i Inoney Involve WOT “Is rr true, Bromly, that an uncle WHY PAY $8.00 Alarm Attachment, WHEN YOU CAN GET IT FOR P44. O00 At FRANK P. BLAIR'S. Faise | Delawares out of that | in frout of that frait-dealer's, 11 | during the summer and left you a for- | | tune?” “Yes, Mr. Darringer; I always liked | { the old gentleman; but I've another uncle whom I don't like, I fortune to get rid of hum." : 1 aidn’t know you had another Un your mother's side, eh 7" “On your father's, then 7” “No; itisn’t on any side. back of wy neck. It's a carbuncle A Yousxae Houvsexeeren, whose knowl : edge was not equal to her enthusiasm, | one d went to market, Having abundantly ignorance in passed on to the meat stalls, “Wi you i asked the attentive knight ol the clever e had a leg of won yesterday,” 10 remarked, tho ightiully, "80 to-day ou may send me a beg of beef to roast!” exhibited her the vegetable stalls atl} have today, ma'am m youl to | y Scuenvies xeanry Praveo to Hobbs, who has entered for a Tui course atl Lhe musical conservatory “5% ¢ bi, your studies, and what is your time taken up with now 7" Tue Fisk: { thank you, have just taken up through- Liss, | : { Bertie (up in base-ball): “Pretty late in the scason, isn't it?” : - - | Mus. Arlington of New York—*I am | delighted to meet you herein the mount- ains. I didn't like to go, but fashion re- quired it. Do tell me what I must do here to correct.” { 1do not know exactly. One thing 1 do Khow, however, that fashion does og re. quire you to bathe here. “Goon bye, my dear friend I am going to leave yon. 1am going to Mexico, ana I will probably never come back,” said a | youth to Gilhooly, “Will I never sce you again “Never.” “I say do ma one last favor. Lend me twenty-five dollars,” | Mrs. Berkly of Philadelphia—“Really i crease the pangs of parting.” “On, Rowena” exclaimed Voltigern Tapemeasure, dropping on his knees jrithout a struggle, “your beauty fires my art “My daughter,” said old Hengist Wheatcorner, entering the room, “I will divide the contract with you; I will fire the rest of him.” Which be did. “Brooklyn Eagle, “You are going to erect a monument to your father's memory, I suppose 7" “O,no! Monuments crumble and de cay and are forgotten, We are going to do something that will keep bis memory alive much longer,” “What's that ?" ’ “Wg are going to fight in the courts for his property.” Shaxpsreann was never more vigor. ously endorsed than he was by Mr. Lean. der Gross, of Ohio; who in wn eulogy upon General Grant, affirmed, “Shske- spears says ‘We shall never look upon his Tike agnin,' sand what Shakespeare rayd, 188y.” This double confirudtion loaves no more to be desired, - “T CONORATULATE you my dear boy on your election.” “Thanks, swiully ; 1 tave wanted to join the yacht club for un long time.” “Ever buen mailing?" “No “Well, you most come out with us this evening.” “Me trust myself 1n oie ol those boats 7 No, sir.’ Orp Homespun stopped his home hall an hour bhelore a house with a well pa ps my out of the chamber winoae Kin Hy he grow impatient, snd, © fi Pt up!” rewarked, “Darn 511 beliove | there's an | VL risk it.” | “Is rien any person 7" maid Ara to yop “ the devil, if you | "s I thank von my dear, One hus day arrayed hersell gorgeously and | Hobbs, how do vou get along in | Hobbs: “I am progressing favorably | “0, no, deui't Jet bs do anything to in | gia eoming. Tay rate, I'd give the It's on the | We bave now on exnibition and sale the largest snd most complete assortment of she | >C ARPETS,< ever shown in Bellefonte, at the very lowest prices, which at any and all times can be relied on. Lace Curtaios in great variety with all the fixtures belonging thereto. Window Blinds and fixtures, in fact everythiog io the House "Keeping line, including Sheeting, Pillow Casings, Tickings, &c., &e., &e. We handle the +ROCHESTER CLOTHING 4 And are the only Clothing dealers in town who do, and will sell you a well made good fitting suit at the same] prices asked you for slop shop trash. Try it once. S. & A. LOEB. tf. For this S=day Strike Clock, with Lrnatoria i 30 wall adapted to shildren that recommend it ag superior Lo known $0 me.” say Tus Cmrravs Couraxy, 18 Fulton Street, N. X. SEASON OF 1887-'SS, SORMINCURY Sum W. I. FLEMING, - * The Fashionable +» MERCHANT TAILOR <~ Has just returnen from the Eastern cities with a new stock of the Finest « Suitings « and = Overcoatings Ever brought to town. Workmanship the Best and< +>»Prices Down to Rock Bottom fork Guaranteed, GOODS + AS + REPRESENTED. +-: CUTTING AND FITTING. <4» | ] | { LINDSEY'S ws LIFE 2, Complexion Beautifier Salt Rhenm, Mercurial and all Blood and Skin Diseases, BLOOD SEARCHE - SELLERS LIV ve the Cori VENEM, FR or B10 oR | r the same family i» ehough for | | novelties and at prices surprisingly Low NO NANCY PRICES FOR INFERIOR MATERIAL. The Largest ard Dest Stock in Ceniral Pen nsylvania to Select from. Wi | Y pay inflated prices for a suit when you can get bovest goods al honest price 5. A well dreesed gentleman i* a pleasure to look at, and every man in Centre county can be well-dressed if he is judicious in the selection of his tailor. Call and examine for yourself. IL is a pleas- ant task for me to show my goods and quote prices. I have the very latest Before buying a Suit or Overcoat drop in snd see my stock. W. 1. FLEMING, Crider's Block, DIAMOND Bellefonte. _— EDUCATION AT SMALL COST A GREAT OPPORTUNITY CENTRAL State - Normal - School, Lock Haven. Otinton Oo. Pa THE - Carpet House iS SCHREYER'S, Which bas just been filled with Winter term of 12 weaks opens Tuesday, Jen. 3 Spring term of 14 weeks opens Tuesday, March 27, complete line of OIL CLOTHS, of all widths, styles and prices, Beginning with the winter term, Jan, 3, 1888, Heat, farnioned room and good board for omly $050 awenk. Tuition, $1.25 & week, those who intend to toned The Plate se aid. This can be subtracted ‘the weekly aid, the State gives 50 Dollars beat, furnished room, board and ter term of 12 weeks bs ocly $30.0 term of 14 weeks, only $45 50, ho pase their Junior Examinations next the Benior Class, can attend a whole wate and reosive the weekly aid of to and the BO dollars additional, i ty that should be improved by forward to teaching ae & profes | Por Offices, Vestibules, Halls, Kitch The faculty of the Central Biate Normal School nom posed of specinlivte lu their several departments, Four of the instractors are honored gradustes of Collages. The School rare oabinets and | valuable ratus for Hestrating the sciences, The Model Schoo! I conducted after the manner o | vou 30 Conte rom the cost Linoleums, ers, &e. A rull line of + CARPETS 4+ constantly ou hand, as well as every. thing in the : RE ne gui. Soret RINE Rugs, Mats, &e. v the Centra | rope etions ag frie twantyfive thonsand dollar. This money used in putting the building in exesllont or. der, Hydrants, waterclossts snd bath rooms may be found on the different Bore. All rooms are complete. . The stndent should bring his own Washing may be obtained in the MONEY rvs Marylond, U8. A, * ow, Pa
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers