i,SA $. ' tK M -f? tfVh i,-" ; ' i ' '. tB v ' - f. y .U.v-.,,' . .. A. &MlM $1 here's No Base Like Home r fly H. c. rmm ... .,.i rtrrirtt rfotOtt OH . Ed "arn,ZhW salaru'and admit ' rilnaTHAfoetmo Babe Ruth's pau J JV' thouhl .toffing'io match Ms bank M'loV'lL n t the accounts of an comLnSliolfe tn the follotaUw " : arraVf""1.,, ! c. Wiltcer's latest ', itatnitnt ol "' rhc MXt in. fQllH" 15 rllATTKIl III ThlKl Innln HlveiWde's Drive, N. T. Joe: irtftlnly Ib the Krlc:t "C1." ih. world tO DO IlBpiMljr - -" tll" "!.lniv to remnln Hlngle after he " pijr Is nii'J. '" ' 0 reason. I nm Sf.d wit1, Jeanno slttln' in the SW ft? & SBS PtiWcr-nvL from the tnl '"i luinil. ns t0 Beneri ""'" mte.r "A J We liavo dcclnrcd a roar- .nn:rerVM?!nowelegan ferny" ... tlfnrp HUH wub ii .--- inceiwsln. Dtej5 '0 BB0 through nome Ihouffe , t b?eaW adventures. tw"D"'.. .V; has got to benowwi. Ml, ' one adventure aner - t .Iter Jeanne cauyht me In the M. w rffi Marie m a Innocent 5llh the no.Y JJ ,;a9 quite a sceno but fcy,tnder, n. i Aianased to talk t,v ayln . n"l'" ,, vwnvH she had j,nne out u ... t of tho RUCBU) ''"'.iKrui I am Immediately Ui.!!?ito my ovenln'8 drew and stand lu!he? in.npctfon by Jeanne, which won't 1 ftl Inspection oy . nbbe& her l Sir SuK over my manly and frcah r'TrtV-n to take the Bhlne off of It. Shaved fato to "";, lnem ,i n. ' Winces and etc. now. on account of ?rn.c.fvin" elve Beveral Rross of 'em J,M. moved up to nivcrslde's Dnvo it ' irant'l Tomb and etc. hold. .e1.aVt.efl.and.p.tch!n'toDabe mnftn"wV'tollc"!i when ! couid talk ftt '!. un.S "miles and comes over to me. isnn I an a antra kmAHii.i.' .. hi'i. You wln wnke Weolson. If you wll havo but the little patience, cherl. Jennno will explain cvcrythlnB. I meant It for the del irhtriil nmri. iiia you should bo proud of your llttlo Jeanne, in.:. i.i ". '".now mo grand actress I r"",, c!'arlefl Plckford and Doug 1'is Chaplin, n'est co pas?" D ye mean to say this here Is level 7" I yelle, wavln tho circular, Jeanne sits on tho arm of my chair and puts her hand over my mouth, .h. ?2?J ha,'' B,ay nothlngr 'til I tell all J" fi".2.8a,ys; i U ls tncn ot thl way. Jeanne 1,2 JJ.iot J ko ,, 8lt homo n11 alono by i S5,,nwhl1,0 J'ouard ls away with tho uhv. Ha ' Bhe P'nchcB my arm and e Ilk J S"?': iKi on one and all and .isnniciii. "".- -v.i ihn two ESdown in a corner between the two f'i. innkln- damca on hand. Most of the KL which i i Boon KOlr.' to tie Into that 5 nn,r from the cater, I have met before "'".. ... I- turn In Tin XI 1CU IBXI V WIllUIl S? they are embalmed I t will Hugh myself sick no n.u. .. . . ." l"Af.'.i Thev are a miy named nithlngham which makes a auto that SS wfr cause tho nolls-noycepeo-S to close their doors and which I Ihtnk Is stuck on Jeanne and a movie !iiJtor named WrlBht which I know flrtick on her and which I lonB aBo mX up my mind to, knock for a goal it my earliest convenience. Well Joe. I am on needles and pins fmrt the start of this thins to the ihSh and how bloodshed was avoided Is Sut me. " I culd only nftve the con" bol on the diamond which I brought tali play this night. I'd bo tho pltchln insatlon of baseball. Instead of Jus eneof "em! When Jeanno wasn't dancln' with this Krothlngham boob sho was Jincln' with Wright and I didn't get i chance to say thrco words to her the entire evonln.' Itnnvs the time I wiuon the brink of gettfn' up and de tldrin' myself rlht out loud and trim mln' the both of 'era, but since I am leimln' the mysteries of beln' a gentle pin I have got to deprive mysolf of tteni slmplo pleasures. WhoncWr, I toulfl catch Jeanne's oye I give her a look of coldly rage and she come back with shruggln' her shouldors and by the time they had all eat my eater's dinner md was ready to go, I was ready to at nails! This here movie director lln tfd like a Insurance agent and If he'd I of stayed rour seconaB longer " wuuiun i of had to of waited for no elevator because I had Just about mado up my mind to take a chance and throw him through tho window when he fln'ly left, uyln': "And don't forgot, Mrs. Harmon Jtaral (nmorrow Is at ten!" The door had hardly closed on him' Then I nailed Jeanne. "What's this rehearsal thing, hey?" I Ujb, trying to hold myself In. Jeanne gimme ft xunny iook ana goes otf to the bureau. Sho opens a drawer, five out a circular and hands It to me. T read three lines. Joe. and collapsed In l nearby chair Kaspln' like a flsh for breath. Hern's what this thing says: 1100,000 Photo-Craft Production. Jeanne lo la Verne (Mrs. Ed. Harmon) In The Devil's Bride Sweet Cookie! "What the what does this here ii-tH i Rot .,.hcn te" yu to givo up im .V7n,Wf' ' nf,cLI ',avo lho small part !. ",at, P'cture, "Twas Her Own Fault,' 2i1?. y "l.'io such holler aout It, Mon 5llur.uWr,Kl,t ho comB o ne and Bay I am the natural actress and everybody know of mo now, because your friend Joo present those newspapers with your letters of mo and also Monsieur Wright say t am very, very nrettvitintl " "I'll murder that bird!" I butts In, JUIIIJJ1I1 UJ), "I'leaso to remain seated I" says Jeanno. 'It Is nothlni; Monsieur Wrlciit Is the splendid gentleman. He, too, likes this baseball and knows all about you. Ho himself told mo you wcro wonderful. Ho Is not too attentive to Jeanne, non, non, Just nh nice. To him nverythlns Is business; nothing more. Besides, ma cherl, you should know your Jeanne. Well, ho offer mo a contract for $10,000 a year and 10 per cont of what tho picture makes ; and I say, non, non, non, becauso I think you will be angry. Then ho say fifteen thousand and I say I must think. Then ho say twenty thousand and 16 per cent; and cherl, what would you? I sign I Tho first picture" By this tlmo I sot enough. "That's whero all this jack Is comln' from, hey?" I says. "Well, tear that contract upl I didn't marry no movie star and I'm able to tako caro of you without you doln' no manual labor. I didn't think you'd take tho advantage of mo the mtnuto I went on the road ; but I see women is all allko. This guy Klplln' had 'em pegged right 'A fool thero was and he said his prayers, Just llko me and you, Ounga Din!' Well, I ain't gonna bo no fool In this case, I'll tell tho world ! What d'ye wanna go in tne movies ror, anyways ix)ok wnai tho movies done to Jess Wlllurd !" Jennno says nothln'. "Look here, Jeanne," I says. "Wo mlcht as well get this over and bo done with It. I don't like this stud you're puilln' on me a llttlo bit. I may be a roughneck, but I'm level. The movie thing has got to go or I do! You got a good home, a baby, and me. I'm will In' to hustle for you; I'm wlllln' to study Kngllsh no's I won't shock your highbrow friends), which wouldn't know either you or mo If I hadn't got over. And whilst I think of It, what's this guy Frothlngham hangln' around for? There's ono baby I'm gonna knock klckln' to morrow !" Again Jeanne smiles. "It Is nothing," sho says. "Monsieur Frothlngham marries next week Mad emoiselle Van Arkwrlght, the young lndy who ask you to dance with her tonight. Kdouard, but you are still Just ono big baby, and Jeanno loves you for It ! But vou must listen. Jeanne will not be tho housewife and got fat and dumpy nnd loso you. I can bo then in the mov ing pictures and still love mon Edouard. Between us we can make beaucoup francs for llttlo WeelBon. and I will get you away from those vulgar baseball. You shall do something else Jeanne will think of that, too. We shall have our country villa and and you shall play goff and and -everything, n est ce h nnlr tinlrl nt mv head. Joe. and looked mo right In the eyes; and as usually I got dizzy, but remained firm. "No !" I savs. "No wlfo of mln is gonna be no movie queen!" I grabbed my hat, Joo, and started for tho door, cvcnln's dress and all. "Good-by for ever TI hollers, very hoarse and dra matlcal and beat it Joe. after walkln' around the streets for about a hour I went In tho nearest hotel and wrote you that last letter, wnlch relieved my wounded feelln's to a con siderably extent Then I went back to my ex-flat bo's I could get enough clotlios io jump out and Join tho team again. I was firmly determined that this hero was one time I was conna have mv way : and would show Jeanno Just how strong minded and masterfully I could bo if necessary. I rung the belt as viciously as possible. nna no less man Jeanne opens tno aoor. Bhe give a gasp, and they was signs of tne weeps in nor eyes ; but oven tnon sne looked like a million dollars. "Rdouardl" sho says, with a glanoe that would of mado Nero throw away his fiddle, "and tho first day you come back to mo you Would lcavo me alone?" Joe, they Is no doubt I'm a simp, but I leavo it to you what I did. "Well, Joe, whilst dressln' tho next m'ornln' I got a Idea, Jeanno won't have It no other way-but that I go out to tho studio with her where this plcturo is beln' made, and'at first I don't wanna go; but now I dragged out tho best of everything which gos to make up my rather oxtcnslvo wardrobe. I laid my self out to be a knockout; and when I was ready for the street I was a genu inn trout for the eye as far as clothes was concerned, anyways. You know, Joe Panama turned up at a tricky angle, white silk shirt, blue coat, white flannel pants and white buckskin shoes. To com plete tne muBiuii i wurrieu a uuiu. owee;,. cooklol If I didn't look like ready money, then neither docs the U. S. Mint I Jeanno raised her eyebrows when she n m t but beyond her usual mornln kiss, sho says nothln'. BJlLAD !& over to. the director's oflloe. ' Before goln' further I wanted to seo for myself If "Monsieur Wright" was level nnd "all business" like Jeanno said. Well, Joe, In half a hour's talk, this guy was solid with mo for llfol Why tho poor1 bob's wed and got sir kids and ls regular If anybody Is, apart. from that. Ho knowed how I felt about Jeanne beln', in the movies, but In five .minutes he showed ma that they wasn't a thing wrong with It. When wo left his onicolc.'" ,.. uta wiiM nnllln Aorh nthni tiv nnr flMtl w .' i stops off short and grabs my arm. 'uy jovei" no nouers. raiow now to prevent that How would you llko to go Into tho movies and play opposite your wlfo? Listen to mo we draw up a contract for you and Mrs. Harmon to make a series of pictures together, as soon as your baseball season Is over? I must have been asleep or I'd have thought of this before. You'll screen beautifully, tool Think Ed. Harmon and Jeanno In Oh hell, In anything! wo was callln' each other by our first names and ho says did I notice they was usin my name on ino aqvorusin iur Joannes first picture. I says I seen where it said some thin' about "Mrs. Ed, Harmon" nnd lm savs that's It and tne reason Jeanne was such a big card, for the movies was becauso she happened to" be THE WIFE OF ED. HARMON I Oh, boyl The noxt time Jeanno throws out her chest, there's a aco for mo, hey, Joo? Well, I says, I am 'convinced that everything Is open and above tho board, but I can't stand tho Idea of eecln' some big stiff movie hero puttln' his arms around Jeanne and tho first time I do they better get seven huskies to hold Cuticura Talcum is Fragrant andJ Very Healthful SimpW free of Cstlrar LWori . Dpt X.MH Joe. I am drae-irod over in thn nnvn again before I know what It's all nbout and onthe way we pick up Jeanno which Is tickled silly at the Idea and kisses mo right out loud In publlo and between them they get me to sign a leaso or somethln' for Ave years in the movies, bcglnnln' when my baaoball only call mo a liar I .,. Can you Imagine mo beln a moyte star, Joseph old deah? I bet Chaplin will tako carbolic after sfoln' the nrst plcturo I'm In, hey? Well, I ain't done yet what I come out to do In my fancy scenery, Joe, and I didn't forget it In the excitement I M iMM,i,onH in nil thA rlameM out thero and they havo all hoard about mo and none of 'em acts llko they also heard I had smallpox. In a minute I am completely surrounded by the fairs sex ond I commence to vamp cm ono nnd alt and write my name on cards for 'em and Jeanno watches It In deadly sllenoo tll ono of 'em offers to show me through tho studio. At this critically point, Jeanne takes my arm and leads mo away nnd I didn't forget to wave baok At the dames, attd say I'd bo.mrounS Joo, that was tho last day of Jeanne's picture and even whilst she was actln' sho kept her eyes on mo and every time she did I managed to be tAlkln' to Borne damo. .... Well, all tho way home In the car she clung to me llko tho Ivy and says I will never get outa her sight again and I'm Jolnln' tho team at Pittsburgh1 ij Joo Jeanne" goes with rne I yours truly, 3D, ED. HARMON, (Tho male Vampire.) 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