' -.7' EVENING PUBLIC LEDGER PHILADELPHIA", MONDAY, FEBRUARY at, 1919 Mb' ' Be) ' ' I I- f K n w ' br IY, I? I I'Jfi. . ' -'J, x "r1" :h Eliciting public Hc&gcr THE EV?NINGnTELEGIlAPH TUBLIC LEDCER COMPANY cmya h. k. cuixtis, rtiDiiT 5 Charles if, I.udlniion. vie Preaidenti John C. Urtin,Svatarr and TrMiunn Philips. Collina, ehn B. VV'llllama, John J, Spuraton, Dlreetora. KDtTOniAli DOAHD: ' Ciaea II. K. Cmm, Chairman DA VIDE, S1IILET Editor JOHN C. HATtTlN....Oeneral Butlnm II a niter Publlehftl daily t Peine Limu Dulldlnf, Indepandenc Square, Thlladvlphla. AlLlNrio Cltt Prut-Union BJlWInr Kck Yoac SOS Metropolitan Towtr nrr;oiT.. .....vi rora liullJInc it Ijitll liV) ruiirrton Iiujl.llna CmcACO,.,.. . . .13(12 TrlUint Building NHWS DUnKAUSt WlSai.SCTON IICItlD, N. E. Cor. rnnilvanla An. and Ulh l fnr Ion Reasau Tha Sun Hutldlnr London Bi'iui .London rimra sunsciiPTioN TF:n.MS Th Etsmso Tiailc Larora la aervM to auh arrlbara In l'hlladdphla and surrounding lowni t tha rata of twelve (Ul centa rer wk. payable i to lha carrier. I-.."?. m" l0 rolnta oulaUa of Philadelphia. In tha United fitltta. Canada, or Unit,! Htataa nea taalmia. rostasr fr". fifty (1101 ctnta rr month. ii toi oonara par yaar, parable In adane. v " .viciaii cuuninti una law aouar par monini Nollcs 9tlhlrrlbtra wlatitfir iridrtii phintirt muat five old as wall aa new addrraa. HELL. 3M TsLNL'T KEY'TONF, JM1N J0 - - ' '',,' VJ" Address atl fOmmunlrnliOHe to Turtilstf fublie Ltdser, ntfepenrfrnr Square, FhiladerMa. Member of the Anocisled Preit '. TJtE ASSOCIATED MESS ti erclu fivelu entitled to the use for republication of all vetcs dUpatchcs credited to it or not otherwise credited in thli paper, and also the local new published therein. All lights of lepubllcatton of special oTi patches herein aie also reserved I'hilldrlphla. MopJ.;, trhruar; It. 119 THE PEOPLE II WE DECIDED QJKXATOn BORAH asks that tlw people decide the league of nations question, and grandiloquent. y eel.ilm that "tnere la not a supernatlonai government which can be created b the wit of man .so well calculated to take car of this tepubllt as the conscience and wisdom of the hundred million peopl to whom a lolng l!od Ins Intrusted Its keeping and Its estln '" So far as the evidence shows, all the peo ple, save a few Pcnators and members of t)ie House, have alteady decided that the league of nation Is whnt they want to insure the future penot of this nation :u nell as that of the world A.N OMINOUS .MIRACLE ADMIRING wonder Is minded with dis may at this new e that Pecretnry Daniels In Washington talked b telephone with President Wilson SOO mlls off the New England coast. What, indeed hath C!ud 'wrought, when His myster of the wire less Is susceptible of such mliaculoua em ployment! I3ut where, alas. Is man head ing with salt-sea flephon's? Not toward a Xlrvana of unruffled calm, one may be alarmingly nure. The charms of a "wet Micet and u flow ing sea" and a phone receiver arc dls qulejlngly open to dpbato. The tired IiulI ness man maj concelabl. become In rurably wciry when the cal "Longitude 4J, latitude 50, Mauretanlj ' Insistently buzies. The detachment and "splendid Isolation" of sea life Is mocked with mod rnlty under a clamorous system of office "calls," and Joseph Conrad will be com pelled to dale all his romances to guarantee picturesque verit) . The fiendish practice ot interruptlni; the mollifying appeal of the dinner table is now capable of extension to ship mess. Embarrassing questionnaires from homo may crack and splutter In many a prosaic dtck booth. Byron's pretty press-agentlng about the deep, on whose "azure brow" "time writes no wrinkles,' can no longer be extended to Include the front .of sea faring man. Lined foreheads on occin voyagers arc In prospect, itr. Wilson him elf may have started the procesfion If Mr. Daniels told him what Senator Sherman said. And what of the rubber-stamp farces that will begin with cabin phone scenes! But at this point It is advisable to refrain from draining to its dregs "the urn of bitter prophecj. ' WE SHOULD PAY CHEERFULLY "RATIONAL honor required the pasiuge ' ot Hio wheat bill. Through the action of the House on Saturday Uncle Sam will Weep his pledg? to the farmers. It Is going to cost a lot of tnoucj. but 'the money should be paid cheerfully. Uncle Bam has the reputation of being u good sport, and he should keep that reputation. Thero Is a hint of niggardliness In the amendment giving the President grafter authority to restrict Importations. It Is an Implied suggestion that he exercise that authority Consider thu case as it stands. The coun try bus the wheat at the price promised the farmers In a time of stress. Tho orlgi. nnl transaction was a perfects legitimate one. It was also a wlso one, lnce no man knew what the fututa would bring forth and contingencies had to be provided for. . The country will sell at thu market price. We make bold to declare that the market price should be based on world production 1 in the interest of the consumer, and that It should not be boosted by any restriction of Importations whatsoever. The farmer Is protected by the fixed price on his crop, which It Is admitted now Is more than the crop will be worth. Every cent saved by the government by testrictlng the quantity of wheat on the market is virtually a tax o i bread, every cent of which will be paid by the consumer. Wt danced and we are willing to pay the piper. Let us have cheap bread' .i.DiX WALKER AND THE TIME LEAVEN llpP TN SPITC of the stage and professional ?y?fcyx after-dinner speakers, not all Jokes are r-i7Von'"vea- ur aary walker, who died f '.." turday at the nge of eighty-seven, had as.' vi' .i..,i. r.......i . .. e, i , aumtiowtu ufiw. bunny iv noie moir BiiranarAn.- TCrio1itrl tn fha an.l UI.A -- v . ..,....w ..,...... .v. .. Gliu DMU la- , htalned In her persistent udhcrence to male , ftttlre, but unquestionably she ceased to be comical In the conspicuous sense. Freaks have glutted civilization since " hhe first started It. No propaganda Is too ? lid to be unchamploned In a revolutionary torn, and llfo Is too highly spiced nowadays -Tor most of us to be moved either to riot- y ,'r ous Indignation or hilarious mirth over the u'V-'iipecUcU of ail old lady In trousers. Amid "; ' i. surfeit of sensations, Dr. Mary Walker '' 1 of, late jeara counted for very little. Moreover, her crusading for woman sut- (rac somo time ago ceased to be food for t ' attr, A pioneer Is only abnormal to jjauUmporarlea. It he or she lives lone mm00t0Himt thrift in his rerenjes and .6( ' W "' . TT . the Innovator may die almost In an odor ot sanctity, aive us a few sears more and the political philosophy of Doctor Walker will not be radical at all, but con ventional, trite. Even today It I not pre cisely funny And as to garb, was the venerable dress reformer of Oswego a tltlio as mirth-provoking as William Holienzollcrn In medi eval silver mall? Comparisons like this aro tonics to tlie sense of proportion, and per haps they nro responsible for the current almost benignant biographies of Dr. Mary Walker. Their tone would have been un imaginable forty years ago. when mi earlier generation was giggling over an extrava gant exhibit of feminine "foll " REACTIONAHIES MUST TAKE A BACK SEAT This la the Mraninf of the Agreement on Gillett for the Speakership of the Next Con?rc THf. apparent agreement of a maioiitv of the l!publlcan members of the House of Representatives on aillett. of .Massachusetts, for the speakership Is a happy outcome of the content. (illicit Is neither a icactionary nor .1 progressive, but n good straight Repub lican In sympathv with the best principles of Republicanism and trained bv long service In the ways of legislation. He has the lespeet of mm of all parti's and the lonlldemo of the men of his own party If he shall bo elect I Speaker, as now eems probable, tho Republican party will be In a splendid position for waging an offensive campaign In 10. The election of Mann uf Illinois, would lmve put the parly on the dfen.-,lvf H could ifadlly have Ween rhaiged that il had lemned nothing since the filial campaign of 191.' when the leadeishlp ot which Mann was a pait was lepudlated overwhelming!? at the polls Those Republican voters who rejected the- reactionaries in 1912 could not under such circumstances have gone into a presidential campaign with am en thusiasm. Agteemeiilon a man llkeUiltm 1 a sign that the two wings of the piit.v ate coming tosethei and aro gelling In slr&pe to agree on a constructive progtam for the pieslden tlal campaign. So far as the afllimatlve things which they sought aie concerned the two wings were not far npait In 1S1.! The apllt came on the Ihsue of tvi.iutiical leadership and steam 1 oiler methods used to suppress the will of an undoubted majoiity of the Republican votei The old leaders have leirned th.it their methods weie faultv, to ha? the bast. They have learned much. And the ptugr'-nlv R publicans have also learneJ that If there Is to be Republican success there must bo a spirit of conciliation and toleration for those seeking the same ends, as thes. but pieferrlug dlftercnt methods How far this has gone will be disclosed fully when the new Congress meets and the Republican majority begins to frame legislation Theie are Indications on cverv hand that the members of the majority will le-jaid themselves as Republicans and not as factlonallsts, and will unlic to npplv the Republican principles to the solution of the national problems, so far as those problems arc affected by party principle-.. And, of course, (hey will ad dress themselves to the nonpartisan ques tions in the spirit of a broad-iulniled and Informed Americanism It must be admitted that undei the rules now prevailing the speakership is not of such groat importance as it was In the days of Reed and Cannon. The Speaker now is merely the presiding officer ot the IIOU3C and not the elected dictator of Its procedure. The control al present rests In the hands of the Committee on Rules, that Is. dictation liaa been taken fiom one man and lodged In a group of men. Rut the gioup of men exorcise their power at the behest of tho majority Just as the bpealter did In the old davs The election of Mi. Gillett will icturn the speakership to New- England after an interim ot twenty years. Reed, of Maine, retired from that office in 1S09 and was succeeded by Henderson, ot Iowa: Cannon, of Illinois, and Clark, ot Missouri. Hen derson and Cannon weie Republicans, and Cannon and Cannonlsm were one of the reasons for he party split in 1912 The election of Mann, of Illinois would have been like the relndorscmei t of Cannon and Cannonlsm. Massachusetts has nol had the speaker ship since N. P. Ranks held the olllco from 1853 to 1S3", and for only twenty-three years of tho last seventy jears has tho Speaker represented a State cast of Ohio and north of Mason and Dixon's line. Tor nineteen of these twenty-three years the speakership was held by ralne and Pennsylvania. wamuei .1. itaudall pre sldid over the house for five years and Galusha A (Jrow for two. James G. Blalm. of Maine was Speaker for six yeats ind Thomas IJ. Reed for the same period Indiana of the western and southern states, has had the speakership for eleven of the fortj -seven years dutlng which it rested there, and Illinois and Missouri have each had It for eight years. Champ Clarl; and Joseph G. Cannon have each held the post for that period, a record unequaled by any" other presiding officers of the House But the geographical question while in teresting, is of no Importance Just now. The Republican party is a national party, and Its Congressmen from the West anil the East are not seeking sectional advan tage, but are working toward that liar mony w hlch will make it possible for them to carry out a program of constructive legislation that shall Justify tho country In tho mandate which it gavo them last November to correct the mistakes mado by the" party In control of legislation In recent jears. TAX VALUE OF A IIAI1Y UNDER tho old law a man with a baby wag entitled to an exemption ot 200 in reckoning his taxable income, whether the baby was two years or two months old at the end of the year covered by his In come statement. The internal revenue collector 1ms de cided that under the nevy law a father may claim exemption for only so much of 200 as Is represented by the fraction of the year during which he has had a baby. If the child Issix months old, he may add 1100 to his exemption, and he may add only 150 if the baby Is three months old, The government Is apparently going to as much money at posslbln out of the law. The increase In the rate on small a Incomes from 2 per cent to per cent Is so great that If the rulo In force last year were to be observed tho Treasury would lose a considerable sum. The rule on babies and exemptions is also to be extended to wives. A married man Is exempt on 12000 Income, If he married In the latter part of the tax year he must pay tax as a bachelor for tho number of months when he was In that lonesome state, and cannot claim his total exemption as a married man for the whole year. The sociologist may speculate upon the effect of this Interpretation of the law upon marriage and tho birth rale, but the revenue collectors are Interested only In lis effect on the amount of money raised hy the tax law. so heartless and unsenti mental arc the agents of the Government THE "FIRST SHOI7 CATALOGUED TJISTORIANB who have been agonized -!- concerning who really aatd, "Lafasette. ne are here"' can save themselves . deal of an!ety over another vexed question If they will file away a few pertinent para graphs In tho "Guam News Letter" for January, 1?19. Kor that interesting pub lication specifically answer! the lnquir, "Who fired the first shot In the war be tween Germany and the United States'" Corporal Michael Chockla was that favored Individual, and In accordance with the most Indestructlb'e of ttadttlons he was a marine. The sinking of the German laldei C01 moran In tho harbor of Apia. Cluain. occa sioned the first belligerent act of the great conflict. As soon as the declaration of war was known in our far-away possession, sJi tender of the Interned Htm ship was demanded. It was tefused bj the new, who proceeded to sink the vessel. Lieu tenant Crohonsn. of the Ameilcan navy, told the skipper of the Cormoiau to henve to. Thai nrrter was also dlsreganled. and then I'hoekie flinl. His shot was followed by shells fiom all the heavj guns of the land fort Only In the mosl florid tense mn the incident be described as a battle, hut It marked unquestionably the htidnn'ng uf actual hostilities, and it will be a lash chlonlcler who attempts to denv t'otpoial i'hoekie his unique laurel. The date was Aptll T, 1917. Guam time, being one daj ahead of thai of Washington. In tlles davs when war legends Hie multlpl.vimr It Is well to keep this singular chapter In our annals Uearlv In mind. The shot eventually heaid in Potsdam came fiom the other side of the globe. The metaphor once applicable to Coieotd Bridge is to be taken lltcrall.v wilh te spect to proud little Guam. Matthias Kixbeiger ool c'nkulMion told the German Na- tlonal Arsemblv nt Welnur that the government was pursuing a policy of cold icason. Doubtless! It was cn'd reason tlmt prompted the Oermans to quit fighting the moment they knew thej were licked It was cold icason that caubed them to give up their fleet. It Is cold reason that backs their fulsome atttntlons to the irmj of occupation. It Is the cold reason that earns ihe scorn of all men ot everj other race in the woild. that anakens suspicion that Ihelr hearts arc unchanged, that warns fiee men everywhere to end the menace for all tine T.eeJ ehovs the wav the Bolheisl uml blows Doctor Sproul will now proceed to -iMg-11035 the complaints of the hody politic Theie li something funnj In .Senator Sherman's effort to "avoid discord Thtie seems to bo grov, Ing belief thai h nator Eorah's name Is a eyllablc too long At least one anarchist in Parts has come to the conclusion that it Is unwise to buck the tiger. The assas6ln of navaria's Piemicr be lieved himself ordained to Issue Deaths Kuit summons. Jlav we not venture the belief that .Mi Wilson found the show in the Old Salt Thea tre all to tho mustard and full of pep 'Come, my little heaven!" said Mr Dice as he shook tho bones of government on-iiei-aldp Senator Sherman's Idea seems to be that if the Tresldent speaks in Boston he Is llabla to spill the beans. ' A hundred and eighty miles an houi is the latest airplane record Mr Wilson ap pears to have wasted an awful lot of time on the George Washington The ihadn of Mr Washington vv ill be tickled to know that he is still first in the hearts of his counlrjmen The men who can fill out hit Income tax blank unaided will be apt to regard the problems before the Paris conference as com paratively simple There are seven government bureaus to look alter the returning soldier and when ever he wants an thing the chances aro six to one that he'll strike tho wrong place. Governor Sproul docs not believe In speaking too softlj when there Is possibility of having to use the big stick The protest of the United Mine Workers to Governor Sproul against the head of the Department of Mines and Mining seems to betray an Intention to put Button In a hole. If the league of nations could automati cally take possession of all coal and Iron In disputed territories half of Its troubles would be over. Not ethnology but mineralogy is the cause of quarrels over frontier lines. Nen York labor unions have voted to strike on July 1 "No beer no work" is their slogan. Hut lots' may happen before that time. The saloonkeepers may have edu cated the drinkers to do without beer for the beer glasses are growing beautifully less as the days go by. After Congress provides land for return ing soldiers there may be dlfllculty In get ting the bo'ja to work It. After we hare a merchant fleet of a size worthy of our coun try we may have difficulty In getting Ameri cans enough to man them. And after we have all been, as pessimistic as we wapt to. oe matters win straighten OttaKlye jut TIGHTENING THE HUN ARMISTICE AT SPA 1 1 A German Impression of Incidents . and Personalities in the Defeat Drama 77ip following pictute of the renewal tie tfOflntloiu in the picturesque Belgian tenter ing place tdccnllg appeared In the Frank furter Zcltung: I AM at Spa. There are flags and gar lands wherever one looks! flowers at all the railway stations. Tho homeland Is greet ing tho returning army. It Is a different picture than was presented In August, 19H. or In the dajs of our great victories-In the casl anil west, when flags were likewise, waved, It Is h cold winter wind In which the colors floated today Is there pcacn? Yes, It has come. The frightful orgy of murder Is styan end. Fathers and sons arc returning home Tho war Is over and we can see sing ing troops marching through the streets, but when we stop to think how- different a re turn wo hoped for our hesrts sink. A fine rain is falling as we hasten through the flag-decorated streets to the Hotel Brltan nlque. Belgians are bringing In pins boughs on great wagons to adorn the streets and houses. Little triumphal arches are being erected and flag polos are being set up. The Belgians ato still waiting for their English liberators, but the latter have not jet ar- lived. They vine not able to keep pace with the swift marching time of the Germans. During the Interval tho Inhabitants ate re moving every evidence of the German occu PLtion The re testing down the German signs mid nolleis Men are along Ihe Rue ltoVHl with n Mg hoie washing thr street The sticet Is clean, but they are washing off all evidence that the Germans matched along It Some of the Rngllsh officers are living In this cltv wliilo the Fiench occupy countiy houses oulsldo the town Seieral of the foinier me hurrying to the sessions at th- Hotel Brllannlque. They aie very styl ishly uniformed nud to our eyes look more spoitsmanllke than mllltnr, but they Ri men of vigorous slender form nnd they have show 11 us during the last four years that they are also good soldleis. But see. their boots' In general their love of leather Is re markable Many of them have so many belts and bands of leather hanging on them that they look like A horse In fl stjllah har ness livery one meets at the entrance of the Billnnnlque THll l-'ieneh. Americans, Germans and Rnglish salute each other formally and courteouslj. Many of those who are better acquainted shake hands. Rvery language Is heard, including much Gennan. No one Is addressed by his rnnk and the title "Mlstsr" Is often dropped. Hverythlng 1s ready in the auditorium of tho hotel : people stand around smoking cigarettes, waiting for tho session to open It Is a few minutes before IP o'clock. We form groups and talk of Indif ferent matters. At lust everybody enters the hall General Niidaut takes his place in the middle of one of the long sides of the great table. He had entered with short steps with two fingers at the vizor of his cap. saluting the gentlamen present. "Bonjour, Messieurs." A slight bow In each direction. With u short and possibly Intentional theatrical gesture he throws his cap upon a sldo table. The Rngllsh. French and Belgians sit on either side. We note the typical Rngllsh head ot General Haklng. The Belgian general, Delobbs, appears filled with quiet happinesB over the liberation of his country The American general, Rhodes, has an, air of indifference. lie slta next to General von Wlnterfeldt across the table from Nudant Beside him are hlN ofllcors, while on tho other aide of Wlnterfeldt are the gentlemen of tho German commission, Major Brlnkmann, Captain Schaller. Captain von Unger and heveral others The sub committees of the different countries have grouped around smaller tables. We note the railway committee with the chief of the field r.illws and several privy councilors, and Count PoduccI of the finance committee and Splnncs with the gentlemen of the coal com mittee. There are so many details to be settled that experts must be left to handle them. TIIR misleading fame 'armistice commis sion" gives a false Impression of the raal task that faces us The armistice proper ha already been concluded. We have laid down our arms nnd the conditions Imposed nre known. We are now discussing the carrjlng out of these conditions, tho possibility of complying with them and the requests to change provisions that cannot be observed, Our attitude Is that the war Is leally over, that a resumption of hoatilltles after our complete military and political collapse -Is not even a remote possibility, quite apart from ths fact that the German nation could not be persuaded under any circumstances to tebume fighting. The R-itente, on the other hand, takes the position of a temporary vic tor, who has to deal with an opponent that has not been crushed In a military sense that Is, to be sure. In the midst of a politi cal upheaval, but not set ready to aurrender unconditional. Our enemies are trying to assure themselves In a military way against a possible German spring offensive. We keep emphasizing that Inasmuch as the German troops have laid down their arms, the con ditions of the armistice that remain impor tant are only those of on economic and tech nical character, nnd that these must be con sidered because some of them cannot be car ried out except at tho cost of creating chaos, famine and misery In Germany. The excitement of the Belgians increased evet-y moment News began to come in that the mob had started pillaging at Liege and Venders. Mobs even assembled In peaoeful Spa, forming processions that marched through the streets, with Belgian flags, sing ing the "Brabanconne" tho Belgian national air and the "Marseillaise" and organizing an outbreak against the so-called friends of .Germany DURING our last meal together we con versed at length concerning Ludeudorff's part In the war. the beginning of t'-boat warfare, the moral collapse of the west front and the attitude ot tho Kaiser. Wo shared thla meal with the commission In friendly circles, from which we learned many Inter esting' facts We were surprised to learn how generally known nnd recognized for a long time had been the baneful Influence of the men who wers mainly responsible for the needless protraction and the unhappy end ing of the war. 1 was astonished that there wcro so many who knew these facts who knew the calamitous effects of our naval policy and who, moreover, lecognlred what tremendous mistakes re sulted from the unreliable temperament of a monarch who has not a (Ingle friend In his misfortune and In his dishonorable exit. All this Is a subject of surprise and painful contemplation, But we all realize that the arbitrary policy of Ludendorff, who enslaved the press in an unprecedented manner, who built up an unstable edifice ot authority and supported It with every means In his power long after the foundation had become un stablewe reallzo that this had sealed not only our own mouths, but the mouths of msny others. At last. It was too late to save the situation, and here we are at the con ferevice table In Spa, facing a conqueror who knows no mercy. At last we are on tho way homeward through Belgium. Then we catch sight of the German colora and as we draw nearer Berlin soldiers fill up the trains. We arrive Bt the Potsdam station nine hours late. Thousands of placards are posted every where, bearing the words "Welcome Home." I am suspicious and inclined to suspect that it betokens mostly the desire of the shop keepers displaying these signs to get the sol diers' trade. But no! Even the little green stand near th small house with a tower on Potsdam Place has a sign between two little flags wreathed with Pine boughs: "Wel come Home" It stands directly over the en trance of the l(tle booth, and o inv Journey tided, In tplte of Its generally sad Impres sions, with a smile, i!sStTV "THE "&'' aariaaHaHaaaaaafiav- V--- ''jSal'" aJaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaT 1 aKwf"5'aBHP Ki yWaw rraT "iiliir VaaaarlaaaaaaaaaaaaaR!BMaaflaaaaaaaf - s. '."'-.V'1" .a1 ' atift ft aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaTaafaB .) tW"f .i-r: 1 RUBBER Spring in a Roll-Top Dek WHEN spring comes tip our elevator shaft, And pussv -willows puir on filing eases, When office-boys with surging blood are daft. And mask their deviltry with pious faces When the cashier, behind his glided grating, Stamping those checks A'OT JfO777 'I It AX TVJ:XTY DOLhARS, Lapels a Jonquil, and while ruminating Decides to buy a dozen striped soft col lats. And blonde stenogs, pink-nailed and absent minding. Address to Mrs. Jlcnrii Kdxcaids, Ksq. Ah then, delirious and ladlant-bllndlng The spring comes up to our old rolltop desk ' AH THKN the oung and gidd, of both . sexes, See strange illusions and rich mysteries! See daffodils leap up In card Indexes, And blue flames darting round type writer keys! The gurgle ot tho ofllce drinking fountain Is plashy like a brook across some lawn, And Bill the Klevator, that vast mountain, Is dancing In his car like any faun. Behind each aolsetto blouse bright hearts are pounding, Gum arable performs an arabesque. And auditors see totals most astounding When sptlng comes to our old rolltop detd! TilK I ve UK billing cleik, whoce hcait Is effer- escence, To former disappointments bids defiance: Clean-shaved, and harbored o'er with lilac essence. He dreams of some entangoing alliance; And coming to his daily task, which bores him, He .smells delightful, fragrance of ben zine for Jane, the office girl, who Just adores him, Has brushed and cleaned the adding. up machine, The telephones are trilling out like sky. larks, And In the safe you'll find O thought grotesque! A bunch of violets. Yes, there ate high larks When spring comes up to our old rolltop desk! Another Troblem Solved "The btory of a Man and Woman f tier Strangers Forces! Tofetlter by Circum stances Living In Hie Heart of the African Jungle Without Communication vrlth the Outside World He a modern American, strong and dominating) She an Knglish Aristocrat, Independent and unafraid." I'rojn a Ilook Advertisement, We suggest that the league of nations give that influential couple the mandate of the African hinterland or hunterland or whatever it Is. Let them run things: It will save one of the creat colonial powers a lot of trouble. u Eupeptic Sutctmen nact scientific observation, by means of ihe rtoentzen rays, has proved that a Dleaaant 'frame of mind Is favorable to digestion. A restaurant advertisement. Who can blame Senators Fall and Borah for declining to attend a dinner which they could not possibly have been able to dlgestT " WW v'ltAK . V GEORGE WASHINGTON, HEELS You Gob! To know thu bojs In uniform thete's been full many a chance This side of hell nnd heaven, and on he way to France. From tho City of the Golden Gate to out Atlantic strand-O. From border South to Canada, and then a stretch o land-O, You'll find here, there and everywhere, and.alwnjs on tho Job, Of hue so blue, and natty, too, the middy of the Gob! The doughboys In the trenches through hell fire held the Hun, Those dashing devil-dog marines, they kept him on tho run; But for hcourlng doeps for super subs swelled out with dynamite-O, Sweeping geus for mlno ilelds hottest day or ley nlght-O; No work you shirk, where perils lurk, jour name Is on the Job, Y'ou splashing, sloshing, rough-tough stuff ' - M vord! some bird, you Gob! Ashoie he cuts an awful swath, this flap ping, strapping boy, He's never short on duties, but he takes hks fill of Jov ; He hugs the mast, and when It blowa he hugs the slippy deck-Oi He hugs his gun, ho hugs his girl ho may hug yours, by hcck-O At making lovo to ladles he's a topper on tho job, Tou'e got 'cm all skinned thero for fair, ou grinning, winning Gob! It's like a busy beehive, this navy o' the blue. They're everlasting at It, no matter what's to do. ' A singing, kicking, fighting bunch, not angels but just men-O, Each loyal to his outfit, an' true to U. S. X.-O. "Oh, you're sea-dog, land-dog, demon-dog you're a cracker on tho Job; We didn't know we loved you so, but you're In our hearts, you Gob! DORA ADELE 1HOEMAKER. That Visit to Chowdervllle Nothing has ever caused New York more chagrin than the Prosldent'a entangling alliance with Boston. The island In the Hudson Is busy explaining- how It came about, and an ingenious correspondent of a New York paper, after spending bitter hours with Mercator'a projection, cables the following explanation from Paris: His selection of Boston as a landing port came about In this way: His at- , tentlon was called to the fact that nt a certain point on the Atlantic, several hundred miles off the American coast, Ills ship would be ectul-dlstant from Hampton" Roads, Now York and Boston. JIow fortunate that no one called his attention to the fact, when his ship waa passing the Azores, that he waa nearly equt-dlstant from St. Helena, the North Pole anil Boise, Idaho. What a vexation for Senator Borah If he had decided to land in Boisel And thero is bound to come a time this week when he will be equt-dlstant from Senator Sherman, Senator Borah and the Monroe Doctrine. What will happen then? The X-P-aite i The kind of X-rays that even the tin 'scientific can understand la a ton-dollar feOe la, salary. SOCRATKtf, ! , ', ' . , AHOY! !" .8 s -V. THE ENGINEERS WHEN the conv'oy crawl's on u long white road, Straight to tho blazing line , While tho drivers nod as they guide their load ' On where tho star shells "shine. If a "two-ten" drops -with a roaring crash, Tho big trucks cease to roll, V And tho C. O. growls as Ire" -view -the " smash And swears at the ten-foot hole! s "Job for tho engineers Bring up the wrecking crew, Shovel and pick will do the ttlck. Then we can go on through." They're on tho spot, you bet, Soon, with a clash of geais, We're on the way, for tho road's O. K., Fixed by the engineers! When the storm troops wait at tho river banks, And each stone bridge is blown, And the ntream's too deep for the fat old tanks, . , ' And pontoons muat bo thrown Where tho water bolls with the shell "and shot. It's "engineers, 'toot sweet,'" They will loso one-hair tho men they've got, But build that bridge, "complete. "Job for the engineers Never you mind tho loss. 1'iitz has a hate, but the troops can't wait: See that they get across, . You won't get no rewards, Hear any shouts or cheers. Bring up your mob, for here's a Job Job for tho engineers." Bcrton Braj'ey, in Colller'a. What Do You Know? QUIZ 1. What political office was lield by Kurt Klsncr. who was assassinates In Munich last week? 2. Who said "Thero never was a good, war or a bad peace"? 5. What wag the nationality of Hudson, on whose discoveries the Dutch basad their claims to New Amsterdam? 4. What celebrated English novelist wrote' under the name of "Currer Bcl"? E. What Is a panacea? 6. Who Is Rutua Daniel Isaacs? 7. Who were the Seven Sages of GreeoaT 8. What kind of government la a.tlra'ocracy? 9. What la the capital of Bermuda? 10. What Is the meaning of the word sap tentrlonal? Aniwen 'to Saturday's Quli, 1. Smile Cottln Is the man who attempt! to kill Premier Clemenceau. 2. Four farthings make a penny In English money. 3. The Rumanian name for Rumania Is Romania. 4. "Cock and bull story" Is supposed to b a corruption of "concocted, and bully story." 5. Bissextile Is another name for leap year, S. The hatband of Richard Cromwell was the crown which was too tight for him to wear with safety. Herido the expression,- "as tight as Dick's1 hats band." ' ' ' ' t 7. The first name of Lord Macaiitay "was Thomas. I. Jacob Ruysdael waa a noted . Dutch landscape painter. Ilia dates' iare 1625-1612. ' 9. Ambrosia was supposed to be the fo4 at the Greek god. 10. Tliet only American President whole seal I tilto became President was KJaJw A,dms. John Qulncy AMmmi-.-wm rresldtnt from Jljs-to.llO.f; ?' r J K j 1 V .J ."HI Jl ai- ts V , .ilf A s.u iiL n .a& 'iA. & L .. ; , . -r V iL t ,':', '"--.'iaisVL- Wl. sssssssB I' IfflKMiltir Tfst
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers