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EVENING PUBLIC LEDGER PHILADELPHIA", MONDAY, FEBRUARY at, 1919
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THE EV?NINGnTELEGIlAPH
TUBLIC LEDCER COMPANY
cmya h. k. cuixtis, rtiDiiT
5 Charles if, I.udlniion. vie Preaidenti John C.
Urtin,Svatarr and TrMiunn Philips. Collina,
ehn B. VV'llllama, John J, Spuraton, Dlreetora.
KDtTOniAli DOAHD:
' Ciaea II. K. Cmm, Chairman
DA VIDE, S1IILET
Editor
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I'hilldrlphla. MopJ.;, trhruar; It. 119
THE PEOPLE II WE DECIDED
QJKXATOn BORAH asks that tlw people
decide the league of nations question,
and grandiloquent. y eel.ilm that "tnere
la not a supernatlonai government which
can be created b the wit of man .so well
calculated to take car of this tepubllt as
the conscience and wisdom of the hundred
million peopl to whom a lolng l!od Ins
Intrusted Its keeping and Its estln '"
So far as the evidence shows, all the peo
ple, save a few Pcnators and members of
t)ie House, have alteady decided that the
league of nation Is whnt they want to
insure the future penot of this nation :u
nell as that of the world
A.N OMINOUS .MIRACLE
ADMIRING wonder Is minded with dis
may at this new e that Pecretnry Daniels
In Washington talked b telephone with
President Wilson SOO mlls off the New
England coast. What, indeed hath C!ud
'wrought, when His myster of the wire
less Is susceptible of such mliaculoua em
ployment! I3ut where, alas. Is man head
ing with salt-sea flephon's? Not toward
a Xlrvana of unruffled calm, one may be
alarmingly nure.
The charms of a "wet Micet and u flow
ing sea" and a phone receiver arc dls
qulejlngly open to dpbato. The tired IiulI
ness man maj concelabl. become In
rurably wciry when the cal "Longitude
4J, latitude 50, Mauretanlj ' Insistently
buzies. The detachment and "splendid
Isolation" of sea life Is mocked with mod
rnlty under a clamorous system of office
"calls," and Joseph Conrad will be com
pelled to dale all his romances to guarantee
picturesque verit) .
The fiendish practice ot interruptlni; the
mollifying appeal of the dinner table is
now capable of extension to ship mess.
Embarrassing questionnaires from homo
may crack and splutter In many a prosaic
dtck booth. Byron's pretty press-agentlng
about the deep, on whose "azure brow"
"time writes no wrinkles,' can no longer
be extended to Include the front .of sea
faring man. Lined foreheads on occin
voyagers arc In prospect, itr. Wilson him
elf may have started the procesfion If Mr.
Daniels told him what Senator Sherman
said.
And what of the rubber-stamp farces
that will begin with cabin phone scenes!
But at this point It is advisable to refrain
from draining to its dregs "the urn of
bitter prophecj. '
WE SHOULD PAY CHEERFULLY
"RATIONAL honor required the pasiuge
' ot Hio wheat bill. Through the action
of the House on Saturday Uncle Sam will
Weep his pledg? to the farmers.
It Is going to cost a lot of tnoucj. but
'the money should be paid cheerfully. Uncle
Bam has the reputation of being u good
sport, and he should keep that reputation.
Thero Is a hint of niggardliness In the
amendment giving the President grafter
authority to restrict Importations. It Is an
Implied suggestion that he exercise that
authority
Consider thu case as it stands. The coun
try bus the wheat at the price promised
the farmers In a time of stress. Tho orlgi.
nnl transaction was a perfects legitimate
one. It was also a wlso one, lnce no man
knew what the fututa would bring forth
and contingencies had to be provided for.
. The country will sell at thu market price.
We make bold to declare that the market
price should be based on world production
1 in the interest of the consumer, and that
It should not be boosted by any restriction
of Importations whatsoever. The farmer Is
protected by the fixed price on his crop,
which It Is admitted now Is more than the
crop will be worth.
Every cent saved by the government by
testrictlng the quantity of wheat on the
market is virtually a tax o i bread, every
cent of which will be paid by the consumer.
Wt danced and we are willing to pay the
piper. Let us have cheap bread'
.i.DiX WALKER AND THE TIME LEAVEN
llpP TN SPITC of the stage and professional
?y?fcyx after-dinner speakers, not all Jokes are
r-i7Von'"vea- ur aary walker, who died
f '.." turday at the nge of eighty-seven, had
as.' vi' .i..,i. r.......i . ..
e, i , aumtiowtu ufiw. bunny iv noie moir
BiiranarAn.- TCrio1itrl tn fha an.l UI.A --
v . ..,....w ..,...... .v. .. Gliu DMU la-
, htalned In her persistent udhcrence to male
, ftttlre, but unquestionably she ceased to be
comical In the conspicuous sense.
Freaks have glutted civilization since
" hhe first started It. No propaganda Is too
? lid to be unchamploned In a revolutionary
torn, and llfo Is too highly spiced nowadays
-Tor most of us to be moved either to riot-
y ,'r ous Indignation or hilarious mirth over the
u'V-'iipecUcU of ail old lady In trousers. Amid
"; ' i. surfeit of sensations, Dr. Mary Walker
'' 1 of, late jeara counted for very little.
Moreover, her crusading for woman sut-
(rac somo time ago ceased to be food for
t ' attr, A pioneer Is only abnormal to
jjauUmporarlea. It he or she lives lone
mm00t0Himt thrift in his rerenjes and
.6( ' W "' . TT .
the Innovator may die almost In an odor
ot sanctity, aive us a few sears more
and the political philosophy of Doctor
Walker will not be radical at all, but con
ventional, trite. Even today It I not pre
cisely funny
And as to garb, was the venerable dress
reformer of Oswego a tltlio as mirth-provoking
as William Holienzollcrn In medi
eval silver mall? Comparisons like this aro
tonics to tlie sense of proportion, and per
haps they nro responsible for the current
almost benignant biographies of Dr. Mary
Walker. Their tone would have been un
imaginable forty years ago. when mi earlier
generation was giggling over an extrava
gant exhibit of feminine "foll "
REACTIONAHIES MUST
TAKE A BACK SEAT
This la the Mraninf of the Agreement on
Gillett for the Speakership of
the Next Con?rc
THf. apparent agreement of a maioiitv
of the l!publlcan members of the
House of Representatives on aillett. of
.Massachusetts, for the speakership Is a
happy outcome of the content.
(illicit Is neither a icactionary nor .1
progressive, but n good straight Repub
lican In sympathv with the best principles
of Republicanism and trained bv long
service In the ways of legislation. He has
the lespeet of mm of all parti's and the
lonlldemo of the men of his own party
If he shall bo elect I Speaker, as now
eems probable, tho Republican party will
be In a splendid position for waging an
offensive campaign In 10. The election
of Mann uf Illinois, would lmve put the
parly on the dfen.-,lvf H could ifadlly
have Ween rhaiged that il had lemned
nothing since the filial campaign of 191.'
when the leadeishlp ot which Mann was a
pait was lepudlated overwhelming!? at
the polls Those Republican voters who
rejected the- reactionaries in 1912 could
not under such circumstances have gone
into a presidential campaign with am en
thusiasm. Agteemeiilon a man llkeUiltm 1 a sign
that the two wings of the piit.v ate coming
tosethei and aro gelling In slr&pe to agree
on a constructive progtam for the pieslden
tlal campaign. So far as the afllimatlve
things which they sought aie concerned
the two wings were not far npait In 1S1.!
The apllt came on the Ihsue of tvi.iutiical
leadership and steam 1 oiler methods used
to suppress the will of an undoubted
majoiity of the Republican votei The
old leaders have leirned th.it their methods
weie faultv, to ha? the bast. They have
learned much. And the ptugr'-nlv R
publicans have also learneJ that If there
Is to be Republican success there must
bo a spirit of conciliation and toleration
for those seeking the same ends, as thes.
but pieferrlug dlftercnt methods
How far this has gone will be disclosed
fully when the new Congress meets and
the Republican majority begins to frame
legislation Theie are Indications on cverv
hand that the members of the majority
will le-jaid themselves as Republicans
and not as factlonallsts, and will unlic to
npplv the Republican principles to the
solution of the national problems, so far
as those problems arc affected by party
principle-.. And, of course, (hey will ad
dress themselves to the nonpartisan ques
tions in the spirit of a broad-iulniled and
Informed Americanism
It must be admitted that undei the rules
now prevailing the speakership is not of
such groat importance as it was In the
days of Reed and Cannon. The Speaker
now is merely the presiding officer ot the
IIOU3C and not the elected dictator of Its
procedure. The control al present rests
In the hands of the Committee on Rules,
that Is. dictation liaa been taken fiom one
man and lodged In a group of men. Rut
the gioup of men exorcise their power
at the behest of tho majority Just as the
bpealter did In the old davs
The election of Mi. Gillett will icturn
the speakership to New- England after an
interim ot twenty years. Reed, of Maine,
retired from that office in 1S09 and was
succeeded by Henderson, ot Iowa: Cannon,
of Illinois, and Clark, ot Missouri. Hen
derson and Cannon weie Republicans, and
Cannon and Cannonlsm were one of the
reasons for he party split in 1912 The
election of Mann, of Illinois would have
been like the relndorscmei t of Cannon
and Cannonlsm.
Massachusetts has nol had the speaker
ship since N. P. Ranks held the olllco from
1853 to 1S3", and for only twenty-three
years of tho last seventy jears has tho
Speaker represented a State cast of Ohio
and north of Mason and Dixon's line.
Tor nineteen of these twenty-three years
the speakership was held by ralne and
Pennsylvania. wamuei .1. itaudall pre
sldid over the house for five years and
Galusha A (Jrow for two. James G.
Blalm. of Maine was Speaker for six
yeats ind Thomas IJ. Reed for the same
period Indiana of the western and
southern states, has had the speakership
for eleven of the fortj -seven years dutlng
which it rested there, and Illinois and
Missouri have each had It for eight years.
Champ Clarl; and Joseph G. Cannon have
each held the post for that period, a record
unequaled by any" other presiding officers
of the House
But the geographical question while in
teresting, is of no Importance Just now.
The Republican party is a national party,
and Its Congressmen from the West anil
the East are not seeking sectional advan
tage, but are working toward that liar
mony w hlch will make it possible for them
to carry out a program of constructive
legislation that shall Justify tho country
In tho mandate which it gavo them last
November to correct the mistakes mado by
the" party In control of legislation In recent
jears.
TAX VALUE OF A IIAI1Y
UNDER tho old law a man with a baby
wag entitled to an exemption ot 200
in reckoning his taxable income, whether
the baby was two years or two months old
at the end of the year covered by his In
come statement.
The internal revenue collector 1ms de
cided that under the nevy law a father may
claim exemption for only so much of 200
as Is represented by the fraction of the
year during which he has had a baby. If
the child Issix months old, he may add
1100 to his exemption, and he may add
only 150 if the baby Is three months old,
The government Is apparently going to
as much money at posslbln out of the
law. The increase In the rate on small
a
Incomes from 2 per cent to per cent Is so
great that If the rulo In force last year
were to be observed tho Treasury would
lose a considerable sum.
The rule on babies and exemptions is
also to be extended to wives. A married
man Is exempt on 12000 Income, If he
married In the latter part of the tax year
he must pay tax as a bachelor for tho
number of months when he was In that
lonesome state, and cannot claim his total
exemption as a married man for the whole
year.
The sociologist may speculate upon the
effect of this Interpretation of the law
upon marriage and tho birth rale, but
the revenue collectors are Interested only
In lis effect on the amount of money raised
hy the tax law. so heartless and unsenti
mental arc the agents of the Government
THE "FIRST SHOI7 CATALOGUED
TJISTORIANB who have been agonized
-!- concerning who really aatd, "Lafasette.
ne are here"' can save themselves . deal
of an!ety over another vexed question If
they will file away a few pertinent para
graphs In tho "Guam News Letter" for
January, 1?19. Kor that interesting pub
lication specifically answer! the lnquir,
"Who fired the first shot In the war be
tween Germany and the United States'"
Corporal Michael Chockla was that favored
Individual, and In accordance with the most
Indestructlb'e of ttadttlons he was a
marine.
The sinking of the German laldei C01
moran In tho harbor of Apia. Cluain. occa
sioned the first belligerent act of the great
conflict. As soon as the declaration of war
was known in our far-away possession,
sJi tender of the Interned Htm ship was
demanded. It was tefused bj the new,
who proceeded to sink the vessel. Lieu
tenant Crohonsn. of the Ameilcan navy,
told the skipper of the Cormoiau to henve
to. Thai nrrter was also dlsreganled. and
then I'hoekie flinl. His shot was followed
by shells fiom all the heavj guns of the
land fort
Only In the mosl florid tense mn the
incident be described as a battle, hut It
marked unquestionably the htidnn'ng uf
actual hostilities, and it will be a lash
chlonlcler who attempts to denv t'otpoial
i'hoekie his unique laurel. The date was
Aptll T, 1917. Guam time, being one daj
ahead of thai of Washington.
In tlles davs when war legends Hie
multlpl.vimr It Is well to keep this singular
chapter In our annals Uearlv In mind.
The shot eventually heaid in Potsdam
came fiom the other side of the globe. The
metaphor once applicable to Coieotd
Bridge is to be taken lltcrall.v wilh te
spect to proud little Guam.
Matthias Kixbeiger
ool c'nkulMion told the German Na-
tlonal Arsemblv nt
Welnur that the government was pursuing a
policy of cold icason. Doubtless! It was
cn'd reason tlmt prompted the Oermans to
quit fighting the moment they knew thej
were licked It was cold icason that caubed
them to give up their fleet. It Is cold reason
that backs their fulsome atttntlons to the
irmj of occupation. It Is the cold reason
that earns ihe scorn of all men ot everj other
race in the woild. that anakens suspicion
that Ihelr hearts arc unchanged, that warns
fiee men everywhere to end the menace for
all tine
T.eeJ ehovs the wav the Bolheisl uml
blows
Doctor Sproul will now proceed to -iMg-11035
the complaints of the hody politic
Theie li something funnj In .Senator
Sherman's effort to "avoid discord
Thtie seems to bo grov, Ing belief thai
h nator Eorah's name Is a eyllablc too long
At least one anarchist in Parts has come
to the conclusion that it Is unwise to buck
the tiger.
The assas6ln of navaria's Piemicr be
lieved himself ordained to Issue Deaths Kuit
summons.
Jlav we not venture the belief that .Mi
Wilson found the show in the Old Salt Thea
tre all to tho mustard and full of pep
'Come, my little heaven!" said Mr Dice
as he shook tho bones of government on-iiei-aldp
Senator Sherman's Idea seems to be that
if the Tresldent speaks in Boston he Is llabla
to spill the beans. '
A hundred and eighty miles an houi is
the latest airplane record Mr Wilson ap
pears to have wasted an awful lot of time
on the George Washington
The ihadn of Mr Washington vv ill be
tickled to know that he is still first in the
hearts of his counlrjmen
The men who can fill out hit Income
tax blank unaided will be apt to regard the
problems before the Paris conference as com
paratively simple
There are seven government bureaus to
look alter the returning soldier and when
ever he wants an thing the chances aro six
to one that he'll strike tho wrong place.
Governor Sproul docs not believe In
speaking too softlj when there Is possibility
of having to use the big stick
The protest of the United Mine Workers
to Governor Sproul against the head of the
Department of Mines and Mining seems to
betray an Intention to put Button In a hole.
If the league of nations could automati
cally take possession of all coal and Iron In
disputed territories half of Its troubles would
be over. Not ethnology but mineralogy is the
cause of quarrels over frontier lines.
Nen York labor unions have voted to
strike on July 1 "No beer no work" is
their slogan. Hut lots' may happen before
that time. The saloonkeepers may have edu
cated the drinkers to do without beer for
the beer glasses are growing beautifully less
as the days go by.
After Congress provides land for return
ing soldiers there may be dlfllculty In get
ting the bo'ja to work It. After we hare a
merchant fleet of a size worthy of our coun
try we may have difficulty In getting Ameri
cans enough to man them. And after we
have all been, as pessimistic as we wapt to.
oe matters win straighten OttaKlye jut
TIGHTENING THE HUN
ARMISTICE AT SPA
1
1
A German Impression of Incidents .
and Personalities in the
Defeat Drama
77ip following pictute of the renewal tie
tfOflntloiu in the picturesque Belgian tenter
ing place tdccnllg appeared In the Frank
furter Zcltung:
I AM at Spa. There are flags and gar
lands wherever one looks! flowers at all
the railway stations. Tho homeland Is greet
ing tho returning army. It Is a different
picture than was presented In August, 19H.
or In the dajs of our great victories-In the
casl anil west, when flags were likewise,
waved, It Is h cold winter wind In which the
colors floated today Is there pcacn? Yes,
It has come. The frightful orgy of murder
Is styan end. Fathers and sons arc returning
home Tho war Is over and we can see sing
ing troops marching through the streets, but
when we stop to think how- different a re
turn wo hoped for our hesrts sink.
A fine rain is falling as we hasten through
the flag-decorated streets to the Hotel Brltan
nlque. Belgians are bringing In pins boughs
on great wagons to adorn the streets and
houses. Little triumphal arches are being
erected and flag polos are being set up. The
Belgians ato still waiting for their English
liberators, but the latter have not jet ar-
lived. They vine not able to keep pace with
the swift marching time of the Germans.
During the Interval tho Inhabitants ate re
moving every evidence of the German occu
PLtion The re testing down the German
signs mid nolleis Men are along Ihe Rue
ltoVHl with n Mg hoie washing thr street
The sticet Is clean, but they are washing
off all evidence that the Germans matched
along It Some of the Rngllsh officers are
living In this cltv wliilo the Fiench occupy
countiy houses oulsldo the town Seieral of
the foinier me hurrying to the sessions at
th- Hotel Brllannlque. They aie very styl
ishly uniformed nud to our eyes look more
spoitsmanllke than mllltnr, but they Ri
men of vigorous slender form nnd they have
show 11 us during the last four years that
they are also good soldleis. But see. their
boots' In general their love of leather Is re
markable Many of them have so many
belts and bands of leather hanging on them
that they look like A horse In fl stjllah har
ness livery one meets at the entrance of
the Billnnnlque
THll l-'ieneh. Americans, Germans and
Rnglish salute each other formally and
courteouslj. Many of those who are better
acquainted shake hands. Rvery language Is
heard, including much Gennan. No one Is
addressed by his rnnk and the title "Mlstsr"
Is often dropped. Hverythlng 1s ready in the
auditorium of tho hotel : people stand around
smoking cigarettes, waiting for tho session
to open It Is a few minutes before IP
o'clock. We form groups and talk of Indif
ferent matters.
At lust everybody enters the hall General
Niidaut takes his place in the middle of one
of the long sides of the great table. He had
entered with short steps with two fingers at
the vizor of his cap. saluting the gentlamen
present. "Bonjour, Messieurs." A slight bow
In each direction. With u short and possibly
Intentional theatrical gesture he throws his
cap upon a sldo table. The Rngllsh. French
and Belgians sit on either side. We note
the typical Rngllsh head ot General Haklng.
The Belgian general, Delobbs, appears filled
with quiet happinesB over the liberation of
his country The American general, Rhodes,
has an, air of indifference. lie slta next to
General von Wlnterfeldt across the table
from Nudant Beside him are hlN ofllcors,
while on tho other aide of Wlnterfeldt are
the gentlemen of tho German commission,
Major Brlnkmann, Captain Schaller. Captain
von Unger and heveral others The sub
committees of the different countries have
grouped around smaller tables. We note the
railway committee with the chief of the field
r.illws and several privy councilors, and
Count PoduccI of the finance committee and
Splnncs with the gentlemen of the coal com
mittee. There are so many details to be
settled that experts must be left to handle
them.
TIIR misleading fame 'armistice commis
sion" gives a false Impression of the raal
task that faces us The armistice proper ha
already been concluded. We have laid down
our arms nnd the conditions Imposed nre
known. We are now discussing the carrjlng
out of these conditions, tho possibility of
complying with them and the requests to
change provisions that cannot be observed,
Our attitude Is that the war Is leally over,
that a resumption of hoatilltles after our
complete military and political collapse -Is
not even a remote possibility, quite apart
from ths fact that the German nation could
not be persuaded under any circumstances to
tebume fighting. The R-itente, on the other
hand, takes the position of a temporary vic
tor, who has to deal with an opponent that
has not been crushed In a military sense
that Is, to be sure. In the midst of a politi
cal upheaval, but not set ready to aurrender
unconditional. Our enemies are trying to
assure themselves In a military way against
a possible German spring offensive. We keep
emphasizing that Inasmuch as the German
troops have laid down their arms, the con
ditions of the armistice that remain impor
tant are only those of on economic and tech
nical character, nnd that these must be con
sidered because some of them cannot be car
ried out except at tho cost of creating chaos,
famine and misery In Germany.
The excitement of the Belgians increased
evet-y moment News began to come in that
the mob had started pillaging at Liege and
Venders. Mobs even assembled In peaoeful
Spa, forming processions that marched
through the streets, with Belgian flags, sing
ing the "Brabanconne" tho Belgian national
air and the "Marseillaise" and organizing
an outbreak against the so-called friends of
.Germany
DURING our last meal together we con
versed at length concerning Ludeudorff's
part In the war. the beginning of t'-boat
warfare, the moral collapse of the west front
and the attitude ot tho Kaiser. Wo shared
thla meal with the commission In friendly
circles, from which we learned many Inter
esting' facts We were surprised to learn how
generally known nnd recognized for a long
time had been the baneful Influence of the
men who wers mainly responsible for the
needless protraction and the unhappy end
ing of the war. 1 was astonished that
there wcro so many who knew these
facts who knew the calamitous effects
of our naval policy and who, moreover,
lecognlred what tremendous mistakes re
sulted from the unreliable temperament of
a monarch who has not a (Ingle friend In
his misfortune and In his dishonorable exit.
All this Is a subject of surprise and painful
contemplation, But we all realize that the
arbitrary policy of Ludendorff, who enslaved
the press in an unprecedented manner, who
built up an unstable edifice ot authority and
supported It with every means In his power
long after the foundation had become un
stablewe reallzo that this had sealed not
only our own mouths, but the mouths of
msny others. At last. It was too late to save
the situation, and here we are at the con
ferevice table In Spa, facing a conqueror
who knows no mercy.
At last we are on tho way homeward
through Belgium. Then we catch sight of
the German colora and as we draw nearer
Berlin soldiers fill up the trains. We arrive
Bt the Potsdam station nine hours late.
Thousands of placards are posted every
where, bearing the words "Welcome Home."
I am suspicious and inclined to suspect that
it betokens mostly the desire of the shop
keepers displaying these signs to get the sol
diers' trade. But no! Even the little green
stand near th small house with a tower
on Potsdam Place has a sign between two
little flags wreathed with Pine boughs: "Wel
come Home" It stands directly over the en
trance of the l(tle booth, and o inv Journey
tided, In tplte of Its generally sad Impres
sions, with a smile,
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RUBBER
Spring in a Roll-Top Dek
WHEN spring comes tip our elevator
shaft,
And pussv -willows puir on filing eases,
When office-boys with surging blood are
daft.
And mask their deviltry with pious
faces
When the cashier, behind his glided grating,
Stamping those checks A'OT JfO777
'I It AX TVJ:XTY DOLhARS,
Lapels a Jonquil, and while ruminating
Decides to buy a dozen striped soft col
lats. And blonde stenogs, pink-nailed and absent
minding. Address to Mrs. Jlcnrii Kdxcaids, Ksq.
Ah then, delirious and ladlant-bllndlng
The spring comes up to our old rolltop
desk '
AH THKN the oung and gidd, of both
. sexes,
See strange illusions and rich mysteries!
See daffodils leap up In card Indexes,
And blue flames darting round type
writer keys!
The gurgle ot tho ofllce drinking fountain
Is plashy like a brook across some lawn,
And Bill the Klevator, that vast mountain,
Is dancing In his car like any faun.
Behind each aolsetto blouse bright hearts
are pounding,
Gum arable performs an arabesque.
And auditors see totals most astounding
When sptlng comes to our old rolltop
detd!
TilK I
ve
UK billing cleik, whoce hcait Is effer-
escence,
To former disappointments bids defiance:
Clean-shaved, and harbored o'er with lilac
essence.
He dreams of some entangoing alliance;
And coming to his daily task, which bores
him,
He .smells delightful, fragrance of ben
zine for Jane, the office girl, who Just adores
him,
Has brushed and cleaned the adding. up
machine,
The telephones are trilling out like sky.
larks,
And In the safe you'll find O thought
grotesque!
A bunch of violets. Yes, there ate high
larks
When spring comes up to our old rolltop
desk!
Another Troblem Solved
"The btory of a Man and Woman f tier
Strangers Forces! Tofetlter by Circum
stances Living In Hie Heart of the African
Jungle Without Communication vrlth the
Outside World He a modern American,
strong and dominating) She an Knglish
Aristocrat, Independent and unafraid."
I'rojn a Ilook Advertisement,
We suggest that the league of nations
give that influential couple the mandate of
the African hinterland or hunterland or
whatever it Is. Let them run things: It
will save one of the creat colonial powers
a lot of trouble.
u Eupeptic Sutctmen
nact scientific observation, by means of
ihe rtoentzen rays, has proved that a Dleaaant
'frame of mind Is favorable to digestion. A
restaurant advertisement.
Who can blame Senators Fall and
Borah for declining to attend a dinner
which they could not possibly have been
able to dlgestT
" WW
v'ltAK . V
GEORGE WASHINGTON,
HEELS
You Gob!
To know thu bojs In uniform thete's been
full many a chance
This side of hell nnd heaven, and on he
way to France.
From tho City of the Golden Gate to out
Atlantic strand-O.
From border South to Canada, and then a
stretch o land-O,
You'll find here, there and everywhere,
and.alwnjs on tho Job,
Of hue so blue, and natty, too, the middy
of the Gob!
The doughboys In the trenches through
hell fire held the Hun,
Those dashing devil-dog marines, they kept
him on tho run;
But for hcourlng doeps for super subs
swelled out with dynamite-O,
Sweeping geus for mlno ilelds hottest day
or ley nlght-O;
No work you shirk, where perils lurk, jour
name Is on the Job,
Y'ou splashing, sloshing, rough-tough stuff
' - M vord! some bird, you Gob!
Ashoie he cuts an awful swath, this flap
ping, strapping boy,
He's never short on duties, but he takes
hks fill of Jov ;
He hugs the mast, and when It blowa he
hugs the slippy deck-Oi
He hugs his gun, ho hugs his girl ho may
hug yours, by hcck-O
At making lovo to ladles he's a topper on
tho job,
Tou'e got 'cm all skinned thero for fair,
ou grinning, winning Gob!
It's like a busy beehive, this navy o' the
blue.
They're everlasting at It, no matter what's
to do. '
A singing, kicking, fighting bunch, not
angels but just men-O,
Each loyal to his outfit, an' true to U. S.
X.-O.
"Oh, you're sea-dog, land-dog, demon-dog
you're a cracker on tho Job;
We didn't know we loved you so, but
you're In our hearts, you Gob!
DORA ADELE 1HOEMAKER.
That Visit to Chowdervllle
Nothing has ever caused New York more
chagrin than the Prosldent'a entangling
alliance with Boston. The island In the
Hudson Is busy explaining- how It came
about, and an ingenious correspondent of
a New York paper, after spending bitter
hours with Mercator'a projection, cables
the following explanation from Paris:
His selection of Boston as a landing
port came about In this way: His at- ,
tentlon was called to the fact that nt a
certain point on the Atlantic, several
hundred miles off the American coast,
Ills ship would be ectul-dlstant from
Hampton" Roads, Now York and Boston.
JIow fortunate that no one called his
attention to the fact, when his ship waa
passing the Azores, that he waa nearly
equt-dlstant from St. Helena, the North
Pole anil Boise, Idaho. What a vexation
for Senator Borah If he had decided to
land in Boisel
And thero is bound to come a time this
week when he will be equt-dlstant from
Senator Sherman, Senator Borah and the
Monroe Doctrine. What will happen
then?
The X-P-aite
i
The kind of X-rays that even the tin
'scientific can understand la a ton-dollar
feOe la, salary. SOCRATKtf,
! , ', ' . ,
AHOY! !"
.8
s -V.
THE ENGINEERS
WHEN the conv'oy crawl's on u long
white road,
Straight to tho blazing line ,
While tho drivers nod as they guide their
load '
On where tho star shells "shine.
If a "two-ten" drops -with a roaring crash,
Tho big trucks cease to roll, V
And tho C. O. growls as Ire" -view -the "
smash
And swears at the ten-foot hole!
s
"Job for tho engineers
Bring up the wrecking crew,
Shovel and pick will do the ttlck.
Then we can go on through."
They're on tho spot, you bet,
Soon, with a clash of geais,
We're on the way, for tho road's O. K.,
Fixed by the engineers!
When the storm troops wait at tho river
banks,
And each stone bridge is blown,
And the ntream's too deep for the fat old
tanks, . , '
And pontoons muat bo thrown
Where tho water bolls with the shell "and
shot.
It's "engineers, 'toot sweet,'"
They will loso one-hair tho men they've got,
But build that bridge, "complete.
"Job for the engineers
Never you mind tho loss.
1'iitz has a hate, but the troops can't
wait:
See that they get across, .
You won't get no rewards,
Hear any shouts or cheers.
Bring up your mob, for here's a Job
Job for tho engineers."
Bcrton Braj'ey, in Colller'a.
What Do You Know?
QUIZ
1. What political office was lield by Kurt
Klsncr. who was assassinates In
Munich last week?
2. Who said "Thero never was a good, war
or a bad peace"?
5. What wag the nationality of Hudson, on
whose discoveries the Dutch basad
their claims to New Amsterdam?
4. What celebrated English novelist wrote'
under the name of "Currer Bcl"?
E. What Is a panacea?
6. Who Is Rutua Daniel Isaacs?
7. Who were the Seven Sages of GreeoaT
8. What kind of government la a.tlra'ocracy?
9. What la the capital of Bermuda?
10. What Is the meaning of the word sap
tentrlonal? Aniwen 'to Saturday's Quli,
1. Smile Cottln Is the man who attempt!
to kill Premier Clemenceau.
2. Four farthings make a penny In English
money.
3. The Rumanian name for Rumania Is
Romania.
4. "Cock and bull story" Is supposed to b a
corruption of "concocted, and bully
story."
5. Bissextile Is another name for leap year,
S. The hatband of Richard Cromwell was
the crown which was too tight for
him to wear with safety. Herido the
expression,- "as tight as Dick's1 hats
band." ' ' ' ' t
7. The first name of Lord Macaiitay "was
Thomas.
I. Jacob Ruysdael waa a noted . Dutch
landscape painter. Ilia dates' iare
1625-1612. '
9. Ambrosia was supposed to be the fo4 at
the Greek god.
10. Tliet only American President whole seal I
tilto became President was KJaJw
A,dms. John Qulncy AMmmi-.-wm
rresldtnt from Jljs-to.llO.f; ?'
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