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Bri4l !'u►► Sehliffletotrat
SCaLIFFIA:ToWN, ull. 23, 1 i6ti
21.1suEr.F q)DER Nun A11.‘31 DRl'c
—Deer ,ur: On letshta Somshdog owat
lien no r amohl unser demokratisehe meet
ing kaita doh im shteddle, un alles is first
rate gout ah!zonga. Es k wohr, de meet
ing war net Bons so gross we mer se expect
hen, un awer se war &eh so-so—was me::
reshpeetable beast, for ich war dort,
der Mose Wehwer, de Joonsa boowa, der
Bill Kitzelmoyer un sein sehwter, der
Porra Windidgler, der alt Richerly, der
Fain Dinkop, 1:n !loch ornery. Der hampt
moan awer war so an lawyer fun Read
ingtown, do weasht, seller wu so iVV(q'
005 400 t Emglish schwetza kann. Er
sheint noch an yunger mann zu sei, un do
shenshty krolliche hohr hut er das ich iu
meim dog un des leawas noch g'selma
hab. Aceordiing zu was er g'sawt hut
will er des shpoat-yohr amohl runny for
so an emtly—ebbas full weaya Disdriet
Addorney. We des ding amohl bekannt
aemaild war das so Miner um de weg is,
donn hen mer uns all bei gemacht, un, of
course. keener hut rich tsweh mold froga
lussa for elms nemma. Fier mold hut er
gedreat, un mer hen elm dorm ,1,11 ail '
fershprocha nri zu gel for elm W:11111S
amobl ors delegate le/Ant geht.
Der Mose Weimer, den hen rimer Bres
ident fun der weeding gemacht, un donn
Ind amohl der I'orra Windbigler an fore
sehlag gemayht so an demokratishe dahler
society inakla, so of de art we,'s
berg Brigade doh de roln•, nu das all de
wu in favor derfore sin setta ehra nawtna
in so an kleh Constitution biehly Ind
schreirn. Uf course, mei vkabra es ach
agrevd, un dorm hut anwhl der Porra
des Welly ous em sock un awfonga le:tsa.
Ich lab es awer net entirely fershtay
kenna weils in English war. Ich lab
(loch ousgernacht das ebbas drip is fun
weaya (le ncayer, so (his se net unser
demokratisehe !need no weiver heira
Der lleadingtowner lawyer is down
ufgeshtanna un hut amohl an ivver ous
finey shpeech genutcht uf English, un doh
gel) ich se rich so goot das ich kann, uu
warm es ungefehr mistakes gebt dorm
kennt er se selver corrects, for my lam
ing in English is net yusht exactly so
goot we se sei set—loch kann ich es
hesser geh das my ally, de Bevvy, for se
fershtayt ken wart except wane de leit
uf em morrickt seals froga fun weaya
dem price fun tswivvella un oyer un
shtink-kase un so sacha. Awer now doh
gehts for de shpeech :
Now, chendlemen of der demograddick
hardy, 1 dell you some dings mit der
Gonshdidusion uf der niggers what marry
our demograddick wifes un wimmin bib
bles, on not uiggers nu black bibbles
anyhow, un we don't go for niggers what
sit on dop of der choory box, un shleep
in our Leis, un eat up all in our dables,
mi grit skit high laming in der shool
mit der shool masder what shpick
E f:lish fun Chester county—
left beim bettle nimmy geh for
de Englishe warta sin so hart zu
un awer ich kann de balance fun der
shpeech in deitch govva. Er hut ach
ousgelegt we das de black republicans
uns unnich de neager du wells, uu de
neager wella se obsolut hawa for uf de
juries hucka un all unser sei, un shofe un
hinkle shteala un dorm wella se es achso
macha das de weise leit niminy shool
halta kenna, awer yusht neager. Un
noch elms, de maddadishda tin de duuker
un monnicihda hen im sinn tsamma zu
shtlidrirtir Buser freigireiir:el' - wick
'lemma un de constitution completely zu
ruimniiniera, on sell shtanda mer beim
Le ne s s:.'. woch wilt toll uochainohl
shreivu, nn explaina we orrig shay us
shrnart der Porra Windbigler de sacha
ouslegt. `Vann ungefehr de Bevvy zu
shpoat k imlnt mit dem brief for elm in
tier Ittot 1,.y seining nei zu du, dean luss
mich ea yasht wisatt so daa iekt en in de
Posht Office net mails
PIT tic aw EFFLKIIRENNER.
Bill Ju, Saw, geander war ich in
der stadt tin seller long-behnich lawyer
wu als so *. (icy demokratishe speecha
maeht hu das net
Xac',l V salt
Sam—NVell, ts lilt or Ilonuz.Bawt
BM— El si , tun \v„.aya (1, , r pal•ty
nil de nea , ;er. S., wie ich elm fershtauaa
ha') wella so prowiera zu fixa da.s
MeV all uci to': (1.1! ueager.
un ,uit 1 .1 net exaetlv.
d:ch ebl)a.,3 du
do —.ll\\ vota
for walla :c douu evva
'publican: der (.rant'
Bill—Weli, 2;0 ahead. Awe , : my opin
ion is das mer lie lit be—wr Lif amohlf,r dor
rant geh, for du '7lgrslit sigma das dr_!
imager wu de demokrata jina sin yusht
soddiche )CU net leasa odder schreiva
itenna. in fun so shtuft hen mer alleweii
shun zu feel in de party.
Sam—Well now Bill, wanu du for Grant
Bonn fzeli ich ach for der Grant!
done, dui gehts—g&) vier
de houd. Hurra for Grant •
Sani—Doh is my hond—so sio• ioh ach
—un now shreiva mer ach all tsweh for
,‘lly roushich Fodder Abra.haan'i
Bill—Tfu now, farrywell demokrata!
Sam —F ry wcll kupperkep !
NA SLI Y.
CONFEIIEY'I: AT THE CORNEII9—.IOII 137.1r.zn'..3
WAY Or Ilt.q.LD::l4 .1 `2I.ATFOII.3t AND Ll'.l FAIL
Poin. °rims. GOMPlinail! K.BAJABII,
(R - ich I, In the Strait uv Klut•lokr,)
June 6, l X6B.
Wo lied a little consultashen at the
Corners one day last week on the subjick
uv a platform for the ensooin Nashnel
Convensheu. We lied present, miuglin
in sweet accord with us, a Democrat
from Ingeany. one from Illinoy, one
from Noo York, one from Connecticut,
and oue from Pensylvany. Ez we wuz
consultin—a sort uv feelm our way—Joe
Binler came in. Ilopin to smooth the
cuss down, I to-wunst iuterdoost him ez
a Confedrit Roller, whereupon the North
ern friends with less sense than I sposed
men coed 'possess, sprung to their feet
and shakiu him vocilerusly by the hand,
~w ore they were proud to meet him, and
insistid on furnishin him with all the
tlooids he coed consoom that nite any
how. And they to-wunst made known
the obji.k uv them beiu there and in
vited him to join em.
- -Certinly," sed Joseph, "certinly. Let
me see how we will go at this thing. Yoo
are from several different Staits, and it is
barely possible that ther may be a slite
difference uv opinion—not cilia to eggs
cite any unpleasantuis, but still enull to
kind o' mar the Zeneral onenis, the sweet
harmony 11 V soles attooned in unison.
Let ine sejest that the l'arson's hat be
sot onto the table—Bascom, yoo cuss,
wipe orf the likker that's spilled onto it
—and that yoo write each on a slip the
opinyons yoo hold and drop em in, that
when they are took out and compared
they may be filed down ez it were, and
the sharp corners rasped off—that they
may be sort uv amalgamated into one
sweet smellin whole. Is it ago ?"
They all agreed. Deekin Pogram,
Elder Punt and Issaker Gavitt declined
to jine in, for reasons obvus to all who
knowd em, but Captain McPelter and I
who kin rite represented the Corners.
"Now," sed this Joseph winkin vish
usly at Pollock, who had dropped in a
minnit afore, "we will prepare our little
opinyuns on the subjict uv 'The
Nigger 1' "
The entire bilin uv em wrote bizzy for
fifteen minits, each droppin his Ineuhra
shens into the hat ez he finished.
"Mr. Pollock, will you extract these
droppins uv wise minds and read em ?"
"Certainly," sed Pollock. "Certainly.
Here is the first."
"I am opposed to extendin any rites to
the Afriken becoz he is naterally inferior
to the white—so inferior, indeed, that all
the trainin and educashen that cood be
squandered unto him wood not bring a
fully matoored one up to the level uv an
average white child uv 14. To give the
ballot to sich wood be a dangerous per
cedin, wich every lover uv liberty shood
frown onto severely.
"JETLIRO L. KIPPINS, uv
"I am opposed to givin the Afrikin
the ballot becoz when he hez it uv coorse
he is eligible to orfis, and will ondoubt
edly be selected to fill the most preemi
nent posishens. Imagin Good Hevins I
imagin nigger judges, nigger Congress
men, nigger 'Representatives, nigger
school teachers, and nigger Governors !
My Anglo-Saxon blood revolts.
DENNIS 0 / SHAUGNESsY,
uv New York."
"Bully agin I" shouted Bigler ; but
somehow the rest uv em didn't "bout
"bully." They begun to look puzzled.
Pollock pulled agin :
"I am opposed to elevatin the nigger
becoz there is a nateral repugnance, a
heven-given, ineradicable conflict be
tween the races. Thermtggerolith
black skin, thick lips, kinky hair, and
disgustin odor, eggcites loath n, contempt
and Alcorn in the bosom uv every white,
pertikerly uv the proud Caucashen fe
male. Ther is a barrier between the
races which nacher hez set up and wich
cannot be scaled. Why attempt it ?"
"Joriss Puma, uv Injeany."
The gentleman from Ohio wanted to
withdraw hizzen and revise it, but Big
ler prevented him. "I agree with my
esteemed friend Pepper," sed
"ez to the disgustin characteristics uv the
Afrikin and the nateral loathing wich
mists in the bosom uv every wen-regu
lated Caucashen. But I disagree with
him ez to the impossibility uv the proud
Caucashen aforesaid scalin it. Deekin,
hez it ever been scaled in this vicinity.
Let not eko, hut the hundreds of yaller
niggers in these parts auser. Pollock,
go on :"
`•I am opposed to elevatin the nigger
for the reason that if ouct releesed from
the disabilities the law imposes, he at
once becomes our ekal. Wat follows ?
Do we want niggers for our sons-in-law ?
Do we hanker after female niggers for
our daughters-in-law ? Wood any proud
Caucashen want a nigger woman for a
step-mother ? I demand, not only the
continvooance uv the laws we have agin
marryin niggers, but more stringenter
ones. I call upon my common country
to pertect us from nigger ekality.
SETiI katWHY, UV Ohio."
'Spoken like a man and a Demokrat,
ez you air," ped Bigler. "Here is an
other and a potent reason agin givin the
nitger his rites. They grow on our hands.
Let us keep the run uv em. First, ez he
is so much below us he can't be educat
ed. Second, we must prevent I.:m from
bein educated, for fear uv his being our
ekal. Third, nacher made him too dis
gustin to approach us. Fourth, we must
hey laws to prevent us from marryin
him. Here is richness indeed. Go on
Pollock— go on."
"•I pertest agin this, said I, seeing to
where this insane cuss wuz leading us.
"I pertest agin continyooin this any
"Not a bit uv noose, Parson. There
are several other opinions in the * hat,
wich we will hey. Pull em, Pollock."
And Pollock pulled em
"I, ez a citizen uv Connecticut. am op
posed to givin the nigger rites in that
state, becoz, incapable ez he is of intelli
gent labor, naterally indolent, careless,
be made to work save when forced to do
it ez a slave. He wood come north in
droves and fill our almshouses and jails,
and be too heavy a burden for our over
4 4 ZEPRANIA SCVDDER,
"Perceed Pollock," sed Bigler.
"I stand opposed to conferriu rites
upon the Afrikin, becos, hevin alluz
been accustomed to labor, and bein uv a
naturally docile disposhisen, percisely
the material uv wich to make labrers, he
wood overrun the north seekin suthin to
do, and ez he wood gladly work at less
wages than the proud Caucashen labrer,
he wood drive them out uv employment
and into the almshouses and jails.
"P. YEAGER uv Pennsylvany.":
Pollock turner l'art — voclr erously
and uproariouslY, and the others lookt
ez uncomfortable oz men cood. It
gone too fur already, and I seezed !my
hat and emptied wat remained onto the
"Sir !" sed I, lookin Bigler thro and
thro, "voor conduct is reprehensible in
the extreme. Yoo come here, air, ez a
disturber, ez a maker of mischeef, ez a
destroyer of peace, and—"
"Easy Parson, easy, or I may possibly
forget the consideraskun doo yoor
and choke yoo a trite. The fact is, my
friend Pollock and I wuz actooated by
the highest possible motives, wuzn't we,
"We felt that it wuz nessary that
suthin be agreed upon in this nigger
question. It's bin a tough thing to
dle ever sense 1 knowd anything about
it; and I wantid to harmonize our views
and put em in a shape to meet and anser
the objeckshuns uv our common foe—
the Ablishniets. I confess I wuz disap
pointed. There are 'reasons enuf for de
privin the nigger uv rites, but somehow
the • don'thark! • t •
ofte • ether. Thus, I've
• airc Tat • " grattEC em
becoz they're km emeerally uv be
in eddikated—enot demands laws
ther bein eddikated, becoa, of theyV
given half a chance, they'll take all t e
offices in the gift uv the people—another,
becoz they're so disgustinly made by
nacher ez to eggecite Foathin and disgust
—another, becoz, of they hey this one
EXPEDIENCY VERSUS CONSISTENCY.
OLD MOTHER DEMOCRACY IN A FIX.
" It's an awful do3e, buf I will have to take it, or else give up the
privilege, laws will' be required to keep
our wimmen from marryin uv em
he's forced to—and still enother, becoz
he is so naterally adapted to work that
he'll uuderwork the whites, and set them
adrift. Among all these reasons, he
wood be hard to soot, indeed, who
coodu't Tied one that wood do him. But
somehow they're tangled ; one mind'
can't take.em all in. They don't seem
to jibe, and in attemptiu to sort uv re
concile and arrange eisi in logical order,
and get ein to dove-tail together, I,m all
tore up, and so is Poilock. I wuz pleased
with the first, third and fifth reasons,
but, alas ! the second, fourth, and sixth
upsot em. Ef I tie to the second, fourth,
and sixth, I am confronted with the first,
third and fifth, and ez they are all A 1
Dimoctisy, what is l'olipek and me to
do ? Reely, we are at sea without rud
der or eon pass, and witless 0:mood, may
float into the harbor uv Ablishnism,
wich, not heviu but one idea, is easily
comprehended. I must sleep on this,
mid ez it is time that we seek our vir
chus couches, Bascom will shet up."
And the qiiss .turned .us out, ands saw
that .13ascorWlocired this,. doors befoite he
left. Suthin will yet happen to this
PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. V.,
Mich iv Postmailker.)
FRONT 0118 XXCEIAN(II4B
Moor—Moons.—+On the Ist, Mr. Wm
Moore to Miss Maria Moore.
The happiness they will enjoy
Is great, beyond degree—
„But Jana they havo.tatait- .fir,”
0, won't it greater be ?"
NEILL--..TEIR.-Ou the 3d, by Rev. Mr.
Splicer, Mr. Thomas Neill to Miss Mary 'Fier.
A sad event, we rather fear,
She turned to kneel, and dropped a tear.
Wut9atr--liitroc.-6.0n the gth, by the Rev
Mr. Seals, Henry Wright to Miss Orila Buck
The parson seals theii fate—'tis very clear,
She's right for once—fhe buck has got his dear
Coss—Wasain the 6th, Mr. P. T
Cobb to Miss Kate'Webb.
A grin old fool,.toko • sits nowust beside us,
Says in our ear, ".1.419k our for iittle spiders."
Borre—Bisieool.--On the 4th, by the Rev
Mr. T. B. Tyer, ME. O. U. Botts to Miss X.
e the,' t • mg's il t ments
Pill ,•. tew. ;'
The Chnrch in not exnmpt it seem,—
A Bishofes tot the Botts.
STEnny-Crituirl—On the Bth= inst., T. 0.
P. Steed to Miss Q. T. Curry.
Said Brown, "Tom Steed's so very small,
I fear he Wit?' tie flurried."
" Oh, no r ",sahl 4ones, " a steed's a horse,
And a short one is soon curried."
—" A - backwatil spring" is produced
by presePtiug a reti•ket poker at a man's
A. J. QOM AMMER A A #1
—"My Dear Ellen," said a youne , man,
I have long wished for this sweet oppor
tunity, but I hardly dare trust myself to
speak the deep emotions of my heart ;
but I declare to you my dear Ellen, that
I love you most tenderly. You• smiles
would shed—would shed --would
shed'— "Never mind the wood shed,"
said dear Ellen, but 'go on with your
—A gentleman traveling in the coun
try, rode up to a farm house and accosted
a tow-headed urchin seated on a gate
post, with, " Bub, where's your pa ?"
" Pap's just gone there beyant the old
cow-shed to dig a grave to bury our doe.
Towser. The old fool killed hisself a
barkin' at candidates for District Attor
ney. Be you one'?" Our friend rode on.
—" Brudder Jones, can you tell me do
difference twcne dicing and dietinw.•'
" Why, oh course I can, Lemuel. When
you diet you lib on noun, and when you
die, you hab nofin to lib on." `• Well
date different to what I trot it was ; I
trot it was a race atwene the doctor stmt .
and starvashuu, to see which 'tid kill
—Au old Jew, while indulging in a
morsel of forbidden food, was overtaken
by a terrible thunder storm, and as the
thunder roared and the lightning, flashed
around, he cried—‘Plesh my soul, vet a
pother about a leetle bit of Bork."
—A cross old bachelor says " the rea
son why women do not cut themselves
in two ✓ by tight lacing is because they
lace around the heart, and that is so hard
they cannot affect it." The brute
—An Irishman who had lain sick a
long time, was ona day met by the par
ish priest, when the following conversa
tion took place : " Well, Patrick, I am
glad you have recovered—but were you
not afraid to meet your God " Och,
no, your riverance, it was the meetin' of
the other chap I was afeared uv," re
" —Doctor, I want you to proscribe
for me." The doctor felt her pulse.
" There is nothing the matter, madam ;
you only need rest." " Now, doctor,
just look at my tongue. Just look at it :
look at it now. Say, what does it mean ?''
I think," replied the doctor, " that it
needs rest, too."
—An Edinburg physician, having or
dered a blister to be put On a patient's
chest, called to inquire what had been
the effect. Oh !" replied the brother
of the invalid, " we had no chest to put
the blister on : but we put it on a band
box, and George is well enough." "Well,
well," answered the doctor with a grin,
" that's all right if he's better."
—An old Indian who had witnessed
the sale of whiskey for many years, said
a barrel of whiskey contained a thousand
songs and fifty tights.
—A Canadian Dutchman being advised
to rub his limbs with brandy for the
rheumatism, said he had heard of the
remedy, but added : •' I (lush better as
dat I drinks de brandy, and den I rub my
leg mit de bottle."
—The men hold the reins, the women
generally tell them which way they
—An Irishman said, "No printer
should publish a death unless informed
of the fact by the party deceased."
—A new name for a seamstress : Miss
Sew and Sew.
—To prevent your hair from coming
out—never let your wife catch you kiss
ing the servant girl.
" What are you writing such a big hand
for, Pat ?" " Why, you see, my grand
mother is dale, and I'm writin a loud
letther to her."
Why is kissing a girl like eating soup
with a fork? Because you can't get
—Why is a spider a good correspond
ent ? Because he drops a line by every
—A person had such a cold iu his head
that he cannot wash his face without
freezing the water.
—What is the difference between a
man with the rheumatism and the upper
story of a house ? One is a rheum-atic ;
the other an attic-room.
—" She only wore a single rose," ac
cording to the old song. Rather a light
costume. Wind wasn't probably due
east that day.
—"Give the devil his due," said our imp,
the other evening, as he lay under the
trees in the Court House yard, with a
—A countryman going to market with
a load of pork was met by a young girl,
who made him a low courtesy, when he
exclaimed: " What ! do you make a
courtesy to dead hogs ?" "No, sir,"
answered the girl, " to a live one."
—Drawing lessons—Three nights with
a Poor Man's Plaster.
—A man of ample means—one of large
r Special Artist.]