I lie (I anion d. V. iMoBTiiiMEii, Proprietor. INDEPENDENT" Live and Let Live." $1.00 a year if Paid in Advance. LEHIGIITON, OARBON COUNTY, FENN'A, SATURDAY MOHNINO, JULY 22, 1870. Subscribers out of Couuty, $1.20. rvL, IV., No 34. CARDS. I .. .. xv...1inill.. V 4kw arts, Dank street, dealer in oil Unit if - uiure. Ctjpnt mane 10 oraer. rjnat and Bhoo Maskera. tin m Brelney, in Lttan't budding, Denk jtreet. irrfrri prmptty MXedvmrU warranted. rAS.ll. BTnUTIIKRB, ATTORN T AT LAW, ' 4J-Omc: 11 floor of nboad's Hall, Munch Chunk, Pa. - I bntlneis sntrualed to him will be promptly .laded to. , MiT 2T, IT. JANIHI. KAM1BWi ATTORMKY.AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW, Mtwih Chunk, Pa. " J-OHl-e. sbevs Dalon'e JewelrJ Store, Broadway A. BtfihllAMEtt, M.D., rnraioiAN ANDSDRGKOM .pelat attWlsn raid ts Chrenle Dlieaiei. ifflee: South Heat eorner Iron ami 2nd ala.. Le jhton, Pa. -April 3, 1875. ? ju. ft. n. nEBisn, RACTICINQ PHTSICIAK AND SCROKON, iHue, Rah k Strict, next door above tho PoiIoHIm, Vhlhto, r. Office Hour Parryvllle each day r i tit 11 o'clock) remainder of day at office In f 'ihtfthtaa Not 23 .''73. o. d. runict-rim. Jis s. coobs JEUTOLIEVTE t LOOSE, ATTOUNKTS AND CODSSKLLORS AT LAW, Omov-riratXattoual Bank Building, 2nd Floor. MAUCIl CHUNK, rasiu. Oa Ueanmlt.ilnaarat.il. July It UT Q J. UBBWAR) ATTORKIY If LAW, Next Door to First National Bank, HICCU CHUNK, PA HrVOan b .ya.ulUd In Oeriaan. fjan. JJ A. DICLTXi JUSTICE OF THE PEACE, Oberi'a BulldAog, BANX-St.. LimaaTOH. Conveyancing, Oolleetlnc and all other bait neei 6osieetd with the office promptly attend el to. AIM, Agent for the Purchase and Salo u llel Estate. April 11-yl IJIHOMAB 8. OKCK, JUSTICE OF Tlir. PEACH. BANK Street, LE11K1IIT0K, Pa. OenveysjWnc, Collecting and all huslnees con eeted wltjh tlxo efflcs promptly aUiyided to. .AaT-A-ctiit or firj"t-laa Inaurauce Companlaa, a n J Ubks of ail i lt.(t taken on the mojt llral term. Jan. 9. 187.1. w, ATTOUNKV ANp COUNSELLOR KT LAW, BANK STBfJET LlHIQHTOrt, PA jleftl Entatsiuni Collnctlan Acenej, Will Huyftnd Sell JUtl Eft at a, Cor,tjranc.ng neatly don. Col 4eetlon promptly raie. Settling (frtttet of D .iuU a KpUlty. fcUy be eon suited tn Kiigliiih k ud Qrtrman, Nbv. 2'? T II OS! AS KKMERER, CONVEYANCER, AND GENERAL HJ8UEANCE AOENT' The foUo'lngCojnpanleiare Repreiented: LEItAKON MUT0ALFIBE. HEADING MUTUAL Kill II, WVOMINq FIRE, POTT3VILLE FIRE, LEHIOI1 FIRE, and tho TRAV ELERS' ACCIDENT INSURANCE, Xiao Pennsylvania and Mutual none Thlet Petectlre and Insurance Company. Mai-en 20. 1871 TllOa. KEMEREK. T F. HELTZ, m moTooiuriiER, Ppper Mala atreet, SLATINOTON, PA., In the Gallbkt recently oeca pied by H. M. Dbnoier. riCTUriK-l TAKEN IN ANT WEATI1ER. CllILDllKN'S LIKENESSES A Npoclalty. PATRONAQE SOLICITED, And a4 taction guaranteed, Jnnel78yl JAVII EIIBEUT'S Jjivery & Sale Stables, BANK-TItEET.LKIIiailTON, Fa PAST TROTTING UORSES, ELEGANT CARRIAGES, And' Boaltlvely LOWER PRICES than any other Livery In the Coanty. Large and hAndaomo Carrlairas for Fnneral pnrpoeea and Weddlnia, DAVID EUDEHT. Not. H. 187a. "W. M. REX GUILDER &OONTRACTOR BANK STREET, LI1IIGUTON, PA, Bespecirally announces to the eltltcna of Le. hifftiton ann vicinity that he is now prepared to CONTRACT for the ERECTION of DWELL INO llOUFEli, CUUIICHES, SCHOOL noUBES.and OTHER BUILDJNOB. Alio that he keepa constantly on hand a fnll aaaort pient of every description of SEASONED dumber ! OenslxtlnRDf FLOORINO, 8IDINO. DOORfl. fABII, BLIND.-i. tiilDTTEKS, MOLDING tl, which be ia prop.Med to Inrnlan at the Try crweit Market I'rlcea. Patronage reapeotiulry aollelteiL V W1I. R. BEX. GAPJLTAI.IST81 (' LIMITED NUMBER OF BltABES OF THE CAFITAI, STOCK OF TUB Lohjghton Gas Light Co. till remain nndlapoaed of. Share FIFTY DOLLARS. babaorlpUona to the Stock will Jt received and .Information forma Led on ap plication at this Ohio, , ...... . H. V. MORTHJMER. ftihlghton, April 33, 1870. WANTED, a tnrchavutr for a Wheeler & Wilson BBWlifo Weill (iU, t3S wjll buy It 'Oal) at this ODlce. ' Railroad Guide. N OIITII I'ENNA.KA1LK()A1. Pasaencers for Philadelphia will leave Lettish. ton as follows l i:ti a. m.. via. L. V. arrive at rblls. at MS a i. S:il a. m. via L. V. arrive at I'lilla. at er) a. m. '7itTa.ni. via U AS. ' " ltiflOB.ni. 7113 n. m. via L. V " ' 1I:)b. rn. 11:07 p. m. vlaL &tt." " JrOop. m. 10:37 p. m. via U V. " " 3C8p.ru. 3:20 p. m. via L. A S, " " 6:41 o.jn. 4il7 p. m. via L. 8. " " 8:18 p. in. 4:11 p.m. vlaL. V. " " 8:18 p.m. 1 33 p. m. via L. V. ' ' 8:35 p. in. RetumlnR, leavntlepot at rprka and Amprl can St., rhlla., at7jJ0, 8:and 8:13 a,m.2:lo, 3:18 anil 8:13 p. m. Fare from Lehlcljton to Fblla., tiB5, Etcuralon Ticket!, (4 (XI April 17, 1876 ELLIS CLARK. ABCnt. OENTIl A I. R. n. OF N. J. LK11K1H SUS(1UF.IIANNA BIVISION. All Hiall Route to Loup; llrnncli. PASSENnEll STATION IN NEW YORK FOOT OF LIBKIITY ST., N. R. Time Table ot Mny 82, 1870. Trilna leare Lrblghton ae follcwa: For New York, Ea.ton, Ac, at 6.S7, 7.47, 11.07 a. m., 3.20, 4.47 p. m. For Philadelphia, 6.27, 7.47, 11.07 a. in, 2.20, 4.47, ForMauch Chunk at 10.20 a. m, 1 09, S.38, 6.M 8 48 p. m. ForWIIkea-narre and Scranton at 10.30 a.m., 1.09 0.69 p. m, Ittturning Leare New York, from elation Cen tral Railroad or New Jerwy, foot of Liberty alreet, North Rlrer,at5.10, 8.45 a.m., 1.00, 2 4.1 and 4.00 p. m. Leave PMIadtlphla, rrom Depot North Penn'a R 11, at 7.0", 9.4S a. m,2.15, 3.4.1,6.15 p. m. Leave KaMon at DM, 11-40 a. m., 3.55, 5.35 7.00 p m. Leave Mauch Chunk at6.30,7.40,11.00 a.m., 2.20 4.40, p. m. Fo: further particular!, eee Time Tables at the Station. PASSENtlERS FOR I.ONO BRANCH CHANGE CARS AT KLIZAIIKTll. II. P. BALDWIN, Gen. Iitttngtr enl. July 4. 1874. plllt.A. A, HEADING RAILROAD. Arrangement of 1'asBcuger Trains. JULY I2T11 1870. Trains leave ALLENTO WN aa follows I fVtA PKHKinMRM llHANCIt.l For Philadelphia, at "4.1 J, 'C20. M.60, a.m., '12.00 noon, o.oo ana -e. p. m. HUNDAY8. Er Philadelphia at 'i 30 a. m. H00 noon nml 8.10 p.m. I VI A BAST FFNNA. MUNCH.) For Rendlnc, I 3.30, 0.5u, 8.11 a m 12. iO. 2.10. 4.30 ai:dl00p.m. For HarrlsD'irg. f 3 SO, 6 60, 6.63 a. m 13.30, 4 30 and $ ou p.m. For Lancaster and Columbia, 6 60, 8.66 a.m. and 4 30p m (Does not ran on Monday. SUNDAYS. For Reading, 3.30 a.m. 2.2.1 and 9 00 pm. For llurrleburg. 2.30 a.m, aml9 00 D.m. Trains FOR ALLE.T'IOWN lenvons follow!: (vi rniiuosm nnNcn.) Leave PbilanelpblH, s.20. 9.16 u. m 2.I6, 6.25, 6.26 and 7.00 p. ui. HUNDAYrf. Leive J'lllladelphla. 8.15, 8.30 a. m., and 4.I0 p. m. (VIA EAST rENNA. BtlANCll I Leave Rejoins. 7.4 1. 7.41 10.35 n m., 4 00, 0.10 ond ic.so p tn Loave Haiilsburc, 5 3). 0.13, 8 10 a. ra, 2,00. 3.57 and 7.41 p.m. Leave Ln.icaiter,M0 7.45 a.m., 12.55 and 3, 15p.tn. Leave Columbia. 6.30 7.3 1 a.m., 1.00 and Z 35 p.m. BUN DAYS.. Leave Rendlnc. 7 3 and 7,40 a.m. Lenve UairtxtturK, 5.20 a.m. Trains mnikod thus c) run to and from depot Dth and Ureeu streets, Philadelphia, other train to a'ld from Broad etrect ilepnt. 'Hie 8.20 a. m. tisln from I'ht oilclplna and 6,35 p. m. train from Allcntnwn bavo through calB to and Irom K mlra, N. Y. Too 2.16 p. in. train Irom Phl'artelphla and 12. 00 Doon train from Allentown have througu curs , to and Irom PUtelo.i. Tho S.25 p m. train from Pbllsdelphui and 0.:o a. ru. train from Allentown liayo through cars to and Irom Wuuoh Chunk. J. K. WOOTTEN, Mays, 1179. CiMrolSuprln(iiden(. PENNSYLVANIA UAILIIOAD, PHILADELPHIA t ERIK BR. DIVISION, Burumer Tlpie Table. On and alter SUNDAY, AnilL 23d, 1878, the Trains on tho Philadelphia A Krje Rallroai) 1)1 vlalon will run aa follow. 1 WESTWARD. ERIE EXPRESS leaves Nw York 9.3 1 a.m. Phil.idelphiA 12.-5p.nj. llultlmoiu 1.20 p.m. Ilarrlaburg S.iop.iu. arr. at Wllllamspurt 8.55 p.m. Loci Haven 10.30 p.m. Mie 0."5 p.m. ERIE MAIL leaias Nvw York (j.25 p.m. Philadelphia ll.5p.in. Ilaliimore 9.10 p.m. Hairlsburg 4.25 a m. WUhameport 8 35 a,m. Lockltacn 9.40 a.m. .Reuoya 10.53 a.m. arr. at Erie 7.50 p.m. NJAOARA EX, leaves PMladslpbia 7.vo a.m. Baltimore 7.30 a.m. Hainsburg 10.41 a.m. arr. at WUUameport 1.50 p.m. Loot II. ven 3.11 p.m. Renova 4.15 p.m. Kano. f.45p. m. Bnffalo ,.. VK HAVEN AC l'va pnuadelphla 8.00 a.m. lialtlmoro 8.30 a. 111. Harrlsburg 1.21 p.m. arr. at WUllamspurt 6.10 p.m. Lock Uaven 7.30p.m. SPNDAY EX, leaves New York 8.25 p.m. Philadelphia llD5p.ru. Baltimore 010 p.m. llarriaburt: 4411am. arr. at WUUameport 7 40 am. EASTWARD. pniLAD'A EX.leaves Erie 7.00 pm, Lock Huvcn 0 so p.m. Wllllamsport 7.6.5 a.m. arr. at Harmbure 11.40 a.m. Baltimore 6.2s p m. Philadelphia 3.30 p.m. New Yorlc 6 45 p.m. DAY EXPRESS leaves Kane 6.00 a.m Renova lo.ion.m, Lock uaven 11.20 a m. WilUamsport 12.40 a.m. arr. at Hamsburg 4. 111 p.m. Philadelphia 7.20 p.m. New Ynri 10.16 p.ro. Baltimore 7.35 p.m. Wa&hinston 9.02 p.m. ERIE Ifayes Erie l'.M u.m. llenova 8.55 p.m. IKk Haven 10.05 p in. Wllllamsport 11.15 p.m. Haxrlbbarc 245 a m, BAltlmore 7.85 a m. Philadelphia 7.00 a-m. New York 10.10 a.m. FAST LINE leaves Wllllamsport 12.33 o.m. rr. at Hsjrlaburg 3.63 a.tn. Baltimore 7.85 a.m. Philadelphia 7.31 a.m. . . New York 16.23 a.m. SUNDAY EX. leayea Wllllamsport 8 16 a,m. arr.' at Harrlsburg 11.40 a.m. Philadelphia 3.80 p.m. New Yoak 6.45 p.m. Baltimore 7.33 p.m. Erie Mall West. Niagara Express West, Look Haven Accom. West and Day Eyprees East make close connection at Northumberland, with L.AB.IIR. trains for Wllkeabaxra and nonunion. Erie Mall West. Niagara Express West. Erlo Express Waat and Look Haven Accommodation West make close connection at Williams port wit)) N. ft R, W. trains north. Erl Mall Went, Niagara Express West and Say Express Bastmske close connection at Lock Haven with 1). K. V. Hit. trains. Erie Mall East and Weat con sect at Erie with trains on L, 8. ae M, B. MX, at Corry with O. ft AA. V. RR.. at kmpprlnm with 11. N, Y. A P, lilt, and at Driftwood with A. V, UR. Parlor Cars will run between Philadelphia and Wllllamsport on Niagara Express West, Erie Express west, Pnuadelphla Express East, Day Exprest East and Sunday- Express East. Sleeping Cars on all night trains. WM. A, UADDWIN, Ocnl Supt Now Advertisements. NNUAIj STATEMENT of tlm Receipts and Dlsbutsoinents of FRANKLIN TOWNSHIP SCHOOL DISTRICT. ROBERT ANTHONY, Treaanrer, In account with Franklin Townahlp fiehool District, Carbon County, Pa., for tbo School Yesr endluR Juno 8th, 1870 1 1875. August 28. It. P. Levan. on Duplicate ot 1174.... f 760 00 Hinie Appropriation v 818 01 llecelvecl as Treasurer , 1 , .,...,1.. 234 It May 26. Jlenrv Campbell, on Duplicate of 1178 , 840 01 Treasury liulauco 67 74 TtM'nrr Balance t 03 00 Teachers' salary 1226 00 Fuel mid Contingencies 136 01 Repairs..... 41 81I Other Expense 23 70 Socretnrv'a pa'ary ..- 8 51 Paid Outst indlns Debts 0S9 go Commtesieu.t 43 42 12)54 24 12254 24 Trffl-nrr Balance t 67 74 OillHtmicHii'JelSo.its , 205 00 Outatnndlnir m Duplicates 1S71 and 1875 499 85 Balance 2:7 It 489 8 I 41'l 81 By Balance 227 II Wo, tno underalcr.ed Auditois of Franklin Township, have overlooked and examined the above account and found iho namo to bo true and correct as stated. AUlrmed by our signatures, this lSUlduyot JttllO, A.I). 1870. J K ltlCKEUT 1 KAN'L UOYKH, J Auditors. July l.wS BTEPtl. BOLT, NNUAIj STATEMENT of tlio Receipts and Expenditures of tho Franklin Township School District UOUNTY FUND. ROBERT ANTHONY. Treasurer, In account with Franklin Township Bohool Dla'llct, Carbon County, Pa., Bounty, for tho School Y'car cudlnj Juno 5th, A. D. 187:1 1 194. Treasury Ilalnnce I 37 82 1875, Juno 7, Henrr Caniplioll. on Duplicate 1871 IM ' Aug. 27. Mcrcivedof the Boroiiah of Welaipoit 650 00 1870, April 3. Hooemwl of 11, 11. Llmlf rman A Co, Bankers 1,616 00 Balance 4(17 1871, April 3. Dnvid Ileltz, Interest nn Bond S 21 00 " July 3. O. a. Eiclienbor-, Inteiest ou Bond 9 18 1875. Aug.27. Jonathan Ilalr, Intereaton Bond 92 11 " V7. Lewis Be'ti, Interest ou llond 19 81 1876. Jan 22. lieuben Ami! ens. Intorot and Principal ou llonil 2,190 90 Paid for Memorandum Uook for Duplicate ami expenses to Treichler'e nnd Slatlugton 1 6 31 Commission 46 85 ( 2,331) 83 $ 2.3S9 $3 Troa.nry Balance , 47 97 Outstandinir Bonus due to sundry peraoua 10,921 (A Due to AIM Ijht nnd Orcen, Attorney Fees , 525 00 Coat of Hint 200.00 A mount due Towushlp Irom Weissport 6,200 00 llalauco 0,501 01 f 11.701 Ot 111,701 til To Balance 6.60101 Wo. tho under slined Auditors of Fianklin Township, have overlooked and examined the above account and found tbo samo to be true auu correot as stati d. AlBrmed by our signatures this 15Ui day of Juno, A, D. 1876. J. K. RICKERT, ) DAN'L BOYftll, jAadltors. July L.wS STEPIf, SOLT, S over before brought Into this town, nnd Invito nn inspection betoro putchaslng elsewhere leelini; euro they can truarauten entire rnitl-rictUm In I' II It H AND (JUALITY. The MnnutactniluirD .partnieiit will bo under tho eu'iennHndence of Mr. I' Hriut, which la n aufllclont Kunrautoo that work rntriiHted to thorn will bo rtono equal tn Unit of an" otner establishment In tbo county. Repairing noatly and promptly attended m. Patronage invited. I1EIM & GERMAN, Stnro In Semmel's New Block, opposite tho Public Srjuaio, RANK STREET, Lelilghton, l'o. raar.ll-yl 1776. CENTENNIAL. NEW RULES &NEW Tho undersigned, In announcing the nrrlvol of hla IMMENSE STOCK of SPRINU and SUMMER Cloths, Cassimeres & Vestings , would also stnlo that ho has concluded to 1I0 bu.lnona, from and alter APRIL 1st. 1870, on a STRICTLY CASH SYSTEM. Hols induced to II1I3 course bv the largo amountof debts standing 0.1 his books, much of which It Is utterly Impnsslb'e to co.loot, nnd no business man can afford to lose n third of his labor and goods by the prevailing credit system, and ho. therefore, fruit tunt tho jutonuon of a Strictly Cash Mystom anil a corrosuondlng Reduction lutho Prieoof floods of all kinds will bo on InUucemoutfor his many friends to continue their pitronago, believing, as he does, that ho can give thom much greater aatlvfactlon nudcr the new system, than he was able to do under Iho played out credit system. He has much pleasure In Inviting an early Inspection ot hla extra. uiuiuury inrKDnuiot or n kw uuuu"i, comprising Cloths, Cassimeres & Vestings, for Men's & Boy's Wear, GENTLEMEN'S FURNI8IIINO GOODS, HATS AND CAPS, all Styles and Prices, Ladles', MUicj'. Oontlemen's Youth's and Children's BOOTS, SHOES and O AITERS, nude np especially for the wear of this locality. Every article msdo np at this Estanllahment la warranted of tho Best Material and Workman ship, and guaranteed to give entire wtlsfactlon, T. D. CLAUSS, Merchant Tailor, 2nd door above tho Tubllc Square, BANK STREET, Lelilghton. Nearly Opposite the Exchange Ilotel, BANK STREET, LEHIGHTON, PENN'A. All the Cigars Mannlaotured at this establishment are warranted to be vxaotly as represented, and oar Prices to bo fully aa Low aa the same article can Da sold for by any other bouse In the country. Patnuufgo Is very respectfally solicit jd. I. S. KOCH, Jane3, 1876-yl W. 8. KOCH. "76." BRADY'S CENTENNIAL CI OAR AND TOBACCO EMPORIUM AND BILLIARD ROOM, on door above naok'a Bakery, Bonk St., Lohfgliton. Also, GENERAL NEWS AOENOY. Daily and Weekly Papers and Lakoalde Library rf go arly suppllei." Airll I, 1873. Bcspertfully nnnounco to the citl-zr-m. of Lihlghlon nnd vic.nlty. that they have entered Into co-partnership and hovcJuH returned from tho cliy, where tncy pnictmed 0110 ot the largest and heal rssortnicnta of LAIllEb'. OF.NT'S MIHSES'. YOU I'll . end CHILDREN'S Boots, Shoes and Gaiters, Suitable for thnWonrof ttilt. Section. 1876. PRICES Manufacturers and Dealers In Choice Cigars, Smoking & Chewing Ae.a &c 4c. 1 -QRESSEI) AND LIVE The undersigned respectfully Informs the cltlaens ot Carbon and adjoining counties, that he Is again prepared to supply tbtm with Dressed or Live Hogs St prices folly oi low aa they can be bought for elsewhere. Also, Smoked Hams. Cologne and Sfussaga, at Wholesale ana Retail. tv Orders will ba promptly filled, and Hogs shipped to any polut at the shortest notice. JOSEPH OBERT, ' Bank Street, LeulRbtou, Pa. Nor, 6, yl HOW THE LADIES FISH. There's generally about six of them In the bunch (snys an exchango), with light dresses on, nnd they have three poles with as many hooks and lines among them.' As soon as they get to the river they look for a good placo to get down on tho rafts, and the most venturesome ono sticks her boot heels in tho bank and tnaki'9 two careful step-downs ; then she suddenly finds li 01 self nt tho bottom with both hands In the water and n feeling that evorybody In this wldo world 13 looking nt her, and sho never tells anybody how sho got there, The other glrN, profiting by her ex ample, turn around and go down the bank on their hands and toes, backwards. Then they scamper over tho rafts until they find a shallow placo where they can see the fish, and shout : "Oh I I see one." " Where ?" " There." " Oh I my, so he I9." " Let's catch him." " Who's got them baits?" " You lazy thing, you're silting on my pole." " Show me tho wretch that stole my worm." All tli eso exclnmatinns are gotten off in a tone that awakens every echo with in a mile aroundand sends every fish within three acres square Into gallop ing hysterics. Then the girls by super human exertions manage to get a worm on the honk, and " throw In" with a splash like tho launching of a wash tub, and await the result. When a silver fin comes nlong nnj nipples the bait they pull up with a Jerk, that, had an unfortunatu fish weighing less than (II teen pounds been on tho hook, would havo lauded it In the neighborhood of threo or four miles in tho country. Af ter n while a feeblo-mlndedsun-fisb con trives tt get fastened on the hook of a timid woman, and sho gives vout toiler tongue : " Oh I something's got my hook I" " Full up, you little idiot I" shouted five excited voices, as poles and hooks are dropped nnd they rush to the res cue. The girl with the bite gives a spasmodic jerk, which sends the unfor tunate sunny into the air tho full length of forty feet of line, and he comes down on the nearest curly lieaj with a damp flop, that sets tl.e girl to clawing; as though there were bumblebees In her hair. " Och I murder I take it away. Ughl tlm nasty thing I" Then they hold up their skirts and gather about that fish as it skips over the logs, one nil the time holding the line In both hands with her foot on the pole as though sliu had an evil-disposed goat nt the othsr end. They talk over it. " How ever will he get off V " Ain't it pretty 7" " Wonder ir It ain't dry ?" " Poof little thing; let's put it back." " How will we get tho hoot from It ?" " Phik It up," says a girl who backs rapidly out of tlm circle. ' Good gracious, I'm afraid of It. There, it's opening its mouth at mo." Just then the sunny wriggles off the hook nnd disappears between two logs into the water, and the girls try for an other b.te. But tho sun comes down and fries the backs of their necks, and they get three headaches in the party, and they all get cross and scold at the fish like so many magpies. If any unwary chub dare show liimsolf In tho water they poke at 111 111 with poles, much to Ills disgust. Finally, tliey get mad all over and throw their poles away, hunt up the lunch basket, climb tip into tiie woods, where they sit around ou the grass and caterpillars, and eat enough nt dried beef and rusk and hard boiled eggs to give a wood horse the night mare : after which they compare notes about their beaux until sundown, when they go home ami plant envy in the hearts of all their muslin de lalne friends by telling what "Just a splen did time" they had. VVANlDrX"WIFE. I have lived a solitary life long en ough. I want some one to talk to and quarrel with then kiss and make up again. Therefore, I am ready to re ceive communications from young ladles and blooming widows of more than average respectability, tolerably tame' In disposition, and hair of any color. As nearly as I can judge for myself I am not over eighty nor under twenty five years of age : I am five feet eight, or eight feet five, I torget which. I weigh 130, 301, or 631 pounds, one of the three, but as to their true arrange ment I am a little puzzled. Have a whole suit of hair, died by' nature and free from nandruff. Eyes, buttermilk brindle, tinged with pea-green. Nose blunt accordingly to the Ionic order of atciiltectu'ro, with a toucli of the com posite, and a mouth between a catfish and alligator's made especially for oratory and large oysters. Ears paltua ted, long, and elegantly shaped. My whiskers a combination of dog's hair, moss, and briar bush well behaved, fearfully luxuriant. Wear boots No. 0, when corns are troublesome,- and can write poetry by the mile, with double rhyme on both edges to read baokward, forward, crosswise and diagonally. Can play the jewsbarp and bass drum, and whistle " Yankee Doodle" In Spanish. Am very correct in morals, and first rate in ten. pins j have a great regard for the Sabbath, and only drink wjien Invited, Am a domestic animal and perfectly docile when towels are clean and shirt buttons all light. If 1 possess n predominant virtue It is that of for giving every enemy whom I deem it hazardous to handle. I say my prayers every night, mosquitoes permitting ; as to whether I snore In my sleep I want somebody to tell me. Money Is no ob ject, as I never was troubled with any and never expect to be. I should like some lady who Is perfectly able to sup port n husband, or If she could intro duce me to some family where religi ous example would be sufficient com pensation for board, it would do just as well. New York Graphic. HUMOROUS. Professor O. " Mr . what win be the effect if I hold a piece of calclte In tho blow-pipe flame ?" Student "It will get hot." Henrv V. belts am Hi a infnai femi nine freaks In that line. They are pro bablv so called because It rnvta nn a V every time his wife purchasos one. An Essex farmer lanlillo-prl tn hib- hls nose every time he takes a walk round the farm, to save himself from ou old bull which has a strong antipathy to red. " Harrv oive me n hltn nf pie," said one little fellow to another. " No," refused Harry, eating away rapidly. " You wouldn't like this : It Is a cooking apple and I never give a luiiuw a one 01 a cooKing apple."' William : " Mnrnlnr. .lumen t .o your gals ha' got a new gov'ness; what sort of a pusson Is she ?" James : ven, 111 can t -zactiy say, as hi don't 'ove much to do with 'or ri flQ Knt lint, ladles down stairs don't think much of er." A colored nrAanhnr In ir.n.i.M... . his he.iri'rs the sentence, " The harvest is pasi,, mo summer is over, and we are not saved." put it. Tin cribbed, dero nln't any more work, and uo UU1.U11 1 sun 1001m wia an commu nity." . A scotch minister recently told his neighbor that he spoke two hours and a half the Sunday previous. " Why, minister, were van tint flr.l .tkon asked the neighbor. " Aw, nae," said ne, x was us iresn as a rase ; but it would have done your heart good to sou how tired the congregation was." Lady : " Now, Mr. Snapper, as I saw you at church last Sunday, tell me what you think of our new preacher?" Snapper ; " I think he would bea first, class martyr nt the stake." Lady : " Why so, Mr. Snapper 7" Snapper ; " Because he is so very dry." A young clergyman, whose reputa tion for veracity was none of the best, ventured to differ with an old Doctor of Divinity as to the propriety of whipping children. " Why," said he, fhe only time my father whipped me was for tell ing the tiuth." " Well," retorted the doctor, ' it cured you of It, did'nt It?" A practical joko was once attempted to bo played on Mr. Ersklne, as he went one day to Westminister Hall, with his ample bag crammed full of briefs. Some waggish barrister hired a boy to go and ask him if he had " any old clo's to sell ?" "No you little Imp," exclaimed the Indignant counsellor, " thy are all new suits." The following belongs to " Green Erin," and may be seenonatombitone in a town near Dublin : " Here lies the body of John Mound Lost nt sea and nover found." The following Is rather equIocal ; " Maria Brown, wife of Timothy Brown, aged 80 years. She lived with her husband GO years, and died in the confident hope of a better life." norace Walpole said this was the worst that Is the best bull he ever read : " I hate that woman," said a gentleman, looking at a person who had been his nurse" 1 hate her ; for when I was a child she changed me at nurse." inn was indeed a perplex ing assertion ; but we have a similar InsUnce recorded In the autobiography of an Irishman, who gravely informs us that he "ran away early In life from his lather, on discovering he was ouly ills uncle." Stammering, says Coleridge, is some times the cause of a pun, Sntno one was mentioning in Lamb's presence the cold-heartedness of the Duke of Cum berland in preventing the Ouchess from rushing np to the embrace of her son, .whom she had not seen for a consider able timeaad insisted on her receiving him in state. " How borriblo cold it was," said the narrator. " Yes," said Lamb, in bis stuttering way, " but you know he is the Duke of C'u-cum-ber-land " A few evenings ago a young lady abruptly turned the corner of a street in Sheffield, and very rudely ran against a small boy, ragged and shoeless. Stop ping 'as soon as she could, she turned to him, and said : " I beg your pardon; Indeed, I am very sorry." The small, ragged boy looked up in blank amaze ment for an instance ; ther, taking off three-fourths of a cap, he bowed very low, smiled until bis face became lost In a smile, and answered : " Yer can hev my parting an welcome, miss ; and yer may run again me an' knock me clean down.an'I won't say a word." After the young lady passed on ha turned to a comrade, and said, naif apologetically : " I never had any one ask toy pardlng, an' U kind o took me oil my feet." An obliging Mississippi Judge recent ly adJourno4 court for fifteen minutes to get time to go oat and pumlnel an offendlDB lawyer, who had rudely mada ftppMciatv fox n uloa-eye,
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers