•*iIBSBWKBm Volunteer. morning • ••.•-.'■••■ KENNEDY. - in m i>i■*■ ■ m\t\ > »ii ■' .pollan per year If paid strictly |ii iil|ltty<';;Ttfri milurinn l Fifty Cents If paid monthMr after which Three Dollars i ;Thesei.terms will be rigidly ad ’ In every Instance. No subscription dla- ore paid, unless at • ofthe Editor* *■> : tfiarta. '■ |».»«tkmtrnir;< ■ | WM. B. PARKER. TT UMRICH/APARKEB. -*-*• ■ attobnbts at lav?. , office <m l£kia ln Marion Hall. Ca r Pa. i Deo. a* t TOHN COMMAN , ° -A:-SP£sj£sslr AT LAW > ’ office in banding attached to Franklin Hoose opposite tha Ooort Hoaae, Carlisle, Pa. Tone 4,1888, r 1y CHASiE. HAGLAUGHLIN, Attor- NST A*• DAW.^.Office 1 1 n Building formerly occupied by Volunteer, a few doors South of Wet cel'auotew.f m-:. ■ Deo. r, .-.‘V' - * . T7l E, BBLTZHOOVER, Attorney Jn, Aim CdtrNMlk)K AT Daw, Carlisle, Ponno. , Offlee on South HanovOrstreeC opposite Bontz’a Store. By special arrangement with the Patent Offlee, attends to securing Patent Rights. : Dec. 1,1885- V . A HEI*MA^ : GOETZ, TTORNEY AT LAW, i'.'V-NEWVIIXE, PENN’A. Patents.Pensionsattdothor claims attended to. May2a;iB6B.: ;, ; ’ -v __ IfOHN Rl' kILIiEB, Attorney at jl'La.w. Office in Wetxel’s Building, opposite fiSe Court House. OarUHe, JPa. l\ Nor, 14,1887. • . Hyf C. HEBJiAN; Attorney at Law. ■tVI . nfflgulri Bheain’B Hall Building, In the •Tear of the Oourt Homio, next door to tho “Her '■ add'* Office,. Carlisle, penna. ;; ; ,Deo. • M KENNEDY; Attorney at Law . Carlisle/Pehno. Office some as that of Tnwrinfln volunteer,” south side of tho Pub- RoSqaare. . • iteo. 1.1860 ~ : ■ qjjJNITEI) STATES CLAIM BEAL ESTATE AGENCY! UTLEB, ■ .» :V, • . ATTOHIfBY AT LAW, wet 4 . Office in 2d Story of inhofiTo Building, No. 8 South Hanover: Street, Carlisle, Cumberland county. Penna, ■- Pensions, Bounties, Book Pay, do., promptly eoiieoted.' . Applications by mall, will receive immediate attention;. ~ Particular attention given to the selling or rent ing of Beai'£stace,l2) town or country. In all let ters of .Inquiry, pleaseenclose postage stamp. . July ir,lBOT-tf. • * PVR. GEOKQE 8. BEARIGHT, Den , I / Jjiiom .'Jhe BcUtinture College of Denta iJuri/en/;; the .residence of his mother .East Leather Street, three door* below Bedford Carlisle, j ■ Deo. 1,1885i' V . >,'/ /gleans ant (ffaitss. JIBBBH ABBIVAL - r OF Aijt. xnn ~ y.n4,W. wz& ter - styles ' -i- OF , & ; D CAPS. The subscriber has just opened at No. 15 North Hanover Street. & few'doors North of the Carlisle Deposit Bank, one of the largest and best Stocks of HATS and OAF 3 fever offered in Carlisle. Silk Hats, Casslmere of all styles and qualities, Stiff Brhmvdlffbrent colors, and every descrip tion of Soft Hats now made. ThS Dunkardand Old' Fashioned Brush, con stantly on bahd ftnd made to order, all warrant edto glvesatlsfaoUon. ' A AfUU assortment of MEN’S,' ’• f . - BOY’S, AND , - • CHILDREN’S, MATS. ;i have also added to ny Stock, notions of differ ent kinds, consisting©! LADIES’-ANDGENTLEMEN’S STOCKINGS, Neck Tie*. A Suspender*, OoUara , ’ : Gfotw, BeneU*,,;-.. Thread, Saving Silk, Umbrellas, &c. PRIME SEGARS AND TOBACCO ALWAYS ON HAND, ' - Give me a call,’ and examine ray.stock as I feel •confident of pleasing all, besides saving you mo* M * y ' / JOHN A. KELLER, Agent, " • No. 15Nonh Hanover btreet. TjrA;X Sf ; A N D CAPS "ilaisi Caps' and a great deal more, Kept for'sale at Sous’Store, ■ Wool and Fur, both coarse ana fine, • • j-fiik and Brush huts in his line. < Beaver. Notra, large and small, Hats to fit and suit you all, Only call andlet him try, Thoughyoa should not wish to buy. ,• •: Gladly he will showyouround, - Tiirongn Ills bate till one is found, To suit year taste, and fllyou well, , ’ Thea kindly, all your neighbors toil > What hatayou saw atßoos’ store, . Bokttepsat corner number four, In North Hanover stieet Carlisle, ■ Where find him all the while, Bepdy ioaell to great and small, 1 “hpoclore. tiiWe're, Preaehers.all ■: - : X Btudeul«, MerutiKntH, Farmers too, - please, kind friends, likewise to yon. ,v HekeepA constantly on band a large ossort i men tot Hats, latfest styles of bilks, soli and stiff • brim. A large aasortmout of ladles and gents, Voilsea, travelling Bags, Leather Batch .els. anas fine lot ol ladles Collars and Boskets. -: Also genis FurolsUing Goods' such as Collars. - ' SUt{*JiOBo Ac. ■- < r Ah v exlenMiv6 ahd carefully selected assortment ' ! of-. ladlca ’lTnl'St.also ladies Fur Hoods and Fur v Trimmings. aha a regular line of gents, fur Caps, ' Uofll&aaHdiGloVes. ; - Aisol UoxtoireUas, Canes and a variety of No* ■' tIODS. •' ■ v -~; for post favors, he sollcltls a contlna '•* anoe of the same from his numerous patrons and vklndiy Invited the public In general to vavor him > > WUhacall before purotmslug, feeling confident Of hl« ability to suit all,both la quality and price. ' Dou’t forget the place, No. 4, North Hauover Street, opposite the Carlisle Deposit Hank. Thehlgheiit cash prices paid for shipping Furs, ■nch ka Unskiat, Mink, Fox, Raccoon and all • ■ otherlurakiiis. J.BoaS. ,: Qct.6, < .JJAT6- AND CAPS! - DO YOU. WANT A NICE HAT OR CAP ? Jbrgo* Don’t fail to call on G. CAL DIO., ,#O. », WES 2 MAIN STREET, Whdta <^ n be'seen the finest assortment of ; " EAT 8 AND CAPS ever brought to Carlisle. He takes great pleas* nre hi'inviting his old friends and customers, Bndsriln©w l oues,to ins splendid stock Just re ceived. from. New York and Philadelphia, con ■lsUngTh part of fln e BEUE And cabsimere hats, besides on' endless variety of Bate and Caps ot the latest'style, ail oi which he will eel! at the jjowctt OaMh JPrixt. Also, his own manufacture of Hats alwayeba hand, and manufactured TO ORDER, Hohastim best arrangement for coloring Hats sm4aU.klnds.of Woolen Goods, Overcoats, Ac., at the shortest notice (as he colors every week) and bath# mfcittreosonabie terms. Also, a fine lot oi cWO^^ttdßofX JtQBACCO AND CIGARS ' ' ->V. • s - -»lwiyj| v Oii’hand. Ho desires to coll the attention ofpouwbswho have >v ' ■/■'fi O .XJ/OOUNTRY P.XJRB Co the highest cash prices for the same.* „ GlvAhlm a call, at the above number, his old standf-ashe feels confident of giving entire satis faction.. ’ TjtORW ABDIN Q AND . > COMMISSION HOUSE, ■' , Oxd, Flatter A Soli. &BROTHERB haring purchased oj Snyder A Newcomer their extensive Warehouse, (Henderson’s old stand,) head of HigbJflrect, beg leave. Ml Inform the public that will continue the FonrdMUng and Commission business on a more ; extorto*® scale than heretofore. ‘ Thohighest market price will be paid for Floor Grain, and Produce of all kinds. \. Peed, Plaster, Balt and Hay* hept . constantly on band and for sale. ... .'pool of all kinds, embracing LYKENB VALLEY, ■ LOCUST MOUNTA N, LAWBERRT, *«., Ac , Llmeburnere’ and Blacksmiths’ Coal, constant , /ly for sale. Kspt under cover, uud delivered dry :■? to any part of the town. Also, all kinds of Lam* . her constantly on hand, J.BEETEM&BRO3. ms. . . . 'k- • . ..:, . S.l ,r . rt. 1.. 1 • , - '.l - - • :t .i. , . r., . 5 1. • , : L • . , r . ,•. , , ' 1 . , • 11 - 11 ':' '''• I I 111 irt' [0 tlt BY BRATTON & KENNEDY. Htttecelaneons. IAA A MONTH can be made by male XUv and female Agents. Wo have n null tie for curiosity-seekers, but reliable, steady, profitable employment, for those who mean business. Ad dres-. with 8 ct. stamp, C. L. Van Allen & Co., 48 Now street, New York.' Dec. 17, ib6B—it SOMETHING NEW AND USEFUL. O —A now Era In Music. POPULAR MUSIC AT POPULAR PRICES. “ Hitchcock’s Half- Dime Series of Music for the Million.” No. 1 now ready. .Music and words of the Comic Song.— “ CAPTAIN JINKSOFTHEHOUSE MARINES.” Others to follow rapidly. Price 5-cents each.— Your Newsdealer has It or will get itTor you.— Mailed on receipt of price. Address BENJ. W. HITCHCOCK, Publisher, 89 Spring street. Now York. Dec. 17.1808—1 t TO THE WORKING CLASS.—! am now prepared to furnish constant employ ment to all classen ut their homes, for thel rspare moments. Business new, light and profitable.— Flty cents to $5 Is easily earned, and the boys and girls earn nearly as much ns men. Great in ducements are offered. All who see this notice please send me their address and test the bus iness for tbomselvcH. If not well satisfied, I will send 81 for the trouble of writing me. Full par ticulars sect free, Sample sent by mail for ten cents. Address, Dec, 17, ISOS—it AGENTS WANTED.— To sell a new Book pertaining to Agriculture and tho Me cuunlc Arts, Edited by Oso. E. Wahino, Esq,, the distinguished Author and Agricultural Engi neer of the New York Central'Park; Nothing like it ever published; 200 Engravings. Sells at sight to Farmers Mechanics and workingmen ora-1 classes. Active men and women are coin ing money. Bend for circulars. E. B. TREAT «t CO., Publishers 054 Broadway, N. Y. Deo. 17, 1808—4 t Money easily made, with our Complete Stencil and Key'Check Outflt.— 1 capital required. Circulars free. STAF FORD Manufacturing Co., 60 Fulton si., N, Y. Dec. 17,188'i—4t WE ARE COMING AND WILL PRESENT TO ANY PERSON Sending us a Club In oar Great DOLLAR SALE OF DRY AND FANCY GOODS, AWatJh, piece of Sheeting, Ellk Dress Pittern Ac., Ac, Free of Cost. Oa * inducements during the past few years have been large. WE NOW DOUBLE OUR RATES OF PREMIUMS. We have many important additions to our Winter Stocks, and have largely extended our Exchange List, and we now feel.confident to meet the demands of our extensive patronage. Send for N> w Circular. .. Catalogue of Goods and Samples sent to any address free, t-end money by registered letter. Address all orde.*s to J. 8. HAW E 8 A CO., 15 Federal Street, Boston, Moss. B. O. Box a Wholesale Dealers In Dry and Fancy Goods, Cut* lery, Plated Wore, Albums, Leather Goods, Ac. Deo. 17. X&bB—•hit Olvcu grails to me, cuvineiic Agent*, mule or lemaio, in a new. light and honorable business, paying thirty dollars per day sure. No gift en terprise, no humbug. Address U. Monroe Ken nedy A Co.. Pittsburg, Pa. Dec. 17, ldb--4C BURTON’S rnOBACCO ANTIjpOTEi "warranted to I remove all desire fur Tobacco. It is entire vPgeiablo and harmless. It purifiesaud enriches the blood, Invigorates the system, possesses great nourlsblngand strengthening powenenables the stomuebe to ulgest the heartiest food, makes sleep refreshing,and establishes robust health. S'xohgrt and Cherve,* fur isixly Year* Cured, 1-rlce, Fifty Cents, post free. A treatise ou the Injuri ous effects of Tobacco, with lists of references, testimonials, Ac., sent free. Agents wanted. Ad dress Dr. T. R. ABBOTT, Jersey City, N, J. Bold by all druggists. Deo. 17, IS6M.—law (T*T AAA PER YEAR guaranteed, Sind I UWw steady employment. Wo waul a re liable ugeuc In every county to sell our PuU’»t \Vhile Wire Cln.hea Line*, (everlasting,) Address Whitb Wide Co., 75 william 81., N. Y., or 1U Dearborn BL Chicago, Ills. Dec. 17, IHGfl— it Carpets— don’t pay the high PRICES! The New England Carpel (0.. of Boston, Mass., established nearly a quarter of a century ago, In their present location, in Halls over 71,78,70, 77,70,81. h 3,85 and H 7 Hanover Bt,, have probably furnished more houses with Car pels than anyowber bouse iu the couulry. In order to afford those at a distance the advanta ges of the‘r low pricea, propose to send, on’ the receipt of the price, 20 yards or upwards of tholr beautiful Ootts *e Carpel log, at 50 cents per yard, with samp’.es or ten sons, varying in price from 25 cents to IS pe.* yard, suitable for furnishing every part of any house. Deo. 17,1608—it HOOFLAND’S GERMAN BITTERS, Hoofland’s German Tonic. Prepared by Dr. 0. M. Jackson, The Groat Remedies for all Diseases LIVER, STOMACH, OR Hoofland’s Gorman Bitters U ccinijxiwd «f ilie- pnr« jtilpco for. hm they are mcdlrf. lmll> i.rmid. kr 5 -—. harlt ) of Roots, n *-rI.MIill HmU. timkhui n tirctmm ■Mon. hhrlily • oiK-on ll'i 1 ,RI lmt«-d, and i-mlntl; Alcoholic r«WM admixture «/ any HOOFLAND’S GERMAN TONIO, l« m ,'OinMimtlnn of all the 'ngredlcnl* ol the Bitten, with the purt*»l quality nt Simla Out Hum, Orange, p!.. making one of the nuipt plenwvnt and agrteflbl* roMH-difN ever oltt-rcd to the public. nrofi-trliiK n Medicine tree It mu Alcoholic nd nil 11 tlrr, W ill IIMK Hoofland’s German Bitters. h< iMiM-n «>t niTvoua dcpiretinn, when some alcubolk aUnniluo to tirfepsiry. HOOFLAND’S GERMAN TONIO Tho Hitter* or the Tonic* »ro Hath equally good, and iiuiiiilii the mime oii'di'dnnl virtue* Tin- aiiuiiHi-h, frmn a variety nl amre*, *uch as Indl (•e»l1iWi. f)_\ Hpepalit. —Nervou* Itct.illly, rle.. 1* very ujil U» fiCf h„ve Ha fillM-tlous .temruted Then**ult (fM JjA of wide!, la. that the iiHiieut Hullera (mm aei-eral ot more of Constipation. Flatulence. Inward Filet, Fulness of Blood to the Head. Acidity of the Stomach, Nausea, Heart burn, Disgust for Food, fulness or Weight in the Stomach, Sour Eructations, Sink ing or Fluttering at fpe Pit of the Stomm-h, Bwimmmii 'of the Head, Hurried or Difllcult Br-MthitiK, Flutt-erlng at the Heart, t’boktnu or Suffocattnu Sensations when in n Lying Posture, Dimness of Vision, Dots .or Webs before tho Sight, Dull Pain in the Hoad, Defi ciency of Perspiration, Yel lowness of the Skin and Eye a, -pf- Pain In the Side, f/fff -tA Back,Chest, Limbs, etc., vCTI jfg Sudden Flushes of Heat. Burning In the Flesh, Constant Imaginings of Evil, and Oreat Depression of Spirits. E. C. ALLEN, Augusta, Maine, Thw« remedie# will effectually cure l.lver Complaint, .Iniihilliv, liy*i.e|iaih, Clinmic or Nervmi* Debllliy. Chnmli Dmrrmea, Dl*en*c of lljc Kldueya, and all ]>>*'■»*'■» arlalng from a Dl-ordcred Liver, tl!omitch,or IllU-BllllU*- ' Resulting from any Cause whatever* PROSTRATION OP THE SYSTEM, induced by Severe Labor, Hard ships, Exposure, Fevers, etc. There I* no medicine extant equal to them' remedies In each cn*e*. A tone and vigor It* Imparted (41 the whole Hy*t«jn, the AppcMli* l*£ir» , ujdh* coed.fomllrcnjiivM. IHi the *l*uti»eh dlimms promptly, the hlooo JHt* Ip purified, the com plexion 1> eru m e » ■re™ muind mirf iuttffhy, the ywllow tinge i* ennlh’-alfd from tin* eyre, n hlcum U given u» tho chin***, unil the weak amt nervous Id- Wonte* n •ironi> and healthy hoing. Persons Atlvanced in Life* feeling the hand of time weighing heavily upon tliein, wlih all lie attendant Hie, will hud In Die use of this BITTKRB, or the TONIC, an elixir that will Instil new life hvo Ihelr veins, melon* In a tm-usure the enemy and ardor of more youthful days. bubd up tbelr shrunken forma, amt give health anu happiness to tholr remaining yean. It Is a well-established fact that hilly one-half of the female portion of our r population are sel dom in Uipenjoyraeni U TCT“ of good health; or. to use their own ex lEg «a nreeslnn, “ never feel well." They are Inn SfflLwn culd, devoid of all energy, extremely nervous, unJ have no njipvtito. To this class of persons the BlT'l'EllS, or the TONIC, la especially recommended. WEAK AND DELICATE CHILDREN Are made strong by the use of either of these rcmedlea. They will cure every cose of MARASMUS, without tall. Thousands of certificates have accumulated in the bands of the proprietor, but space will allow of the publication of nut a few. Those, U will he observed, are men of note and of such standing that they must be believed. Hon. Geo. W. Woodward. C\i<f Justice tfthe Supreme Court pf Pa,, writes: Philadelphia, March 16, 1807. •*! And‘Tloofland’s /pse. German Billers’ Is ■ giiod tonic, useful’ yZfwk In diseases of the dltfesliveoruans, and of, great benefit in eases of debility, and ■« want of nervous ac tion lo the system. Vwurs truly, GKO. W. WOODWARD.” Hon, James Thompson. Judge <f th* Supreme Court of Pennsylvania. Philadelphia, April 28, 1866. M I consider * Tloofland’s German Bitten* ’ a roJunMe uudietnrUi case of Httaeksof ludlgestlonorDyspepsia. I certify Ibis from my exta-mne** of Iu Yours, With resjM-et, From Eov. Joseph H. Kennard, D. D., Pastor tf the Tenth Baptist Church, Philadelphia. Dr. JaeJaoh—Dcar Sir: I have boon fmjucmiy re quested to connect my name with recommendations of different kinds of mrdlrlnes. but rvmodlxg the prac tice as out of my an ■ . pmpriaie sphere, 1 _bave In all cases de ~l|Va>~r dined; but with a clear proof in rart II \AI our inetancee and particularly in my S«a '« own fundly, of the usefulness of Dr. Iloutimid's tlermnn liliters, 1 depart tor once from mv usual course, to express my full conviction that, for general deJiihty of the system, and especially for Liver Complaint, it isp safe and ro/uuhU preparation. In some coses It may fail; hut usually, 1 doubt not, it will he very beneficial to those whosuffsr from the above nausea. Yours, very respectfully, J. □. KKKNARD, Eighth, below Coates fit From Key. E. D. Fendall, JSdilor ChrUtlan Chronicle, Philadelphia. 1 have derived decldwf benefit from the dm of Hoof* Uod'ft German Gillen, and feel H my privilege to re commend them aa a most valuable tonic, to all who are eaSwing (mm general debility or from alaenaca arlalttg from derangement of the liver. Yoon truly, Qoofland'a German Romedlea are aixinterfetted. Bee that the algnature of C. U. JAUKSON la on the wrapper IB ’’rot of mh bottle. All olhen are coon JmMJS terfeil. Principal OfQee and Manufactory at the German Medicine Store, No. 631 ARCU Street, Philadelphia. CHARLES fit. EVANS. ■ German Drugidal, Proprietor, Formerly C. M. Jroaeo* St Co. Wot sale by a_ 3>mgglat* and Dealers in Medicine*. Scotland's German Bitten, per bottle fl 00 « ( ** '< half doten &00 Boofland’s German Tonic, put up In quart bottle*, 1 60 • per bottle, or a half doxen for. 1 60 g®“ Do not forpr*. to examine well the article you boy, lx erdar to gel genuine. Jan. 1808:— ly JHacUical. AND I’IIILADKLrUIA, I’A. DIGESTIVE ORGANS. •liOUld lx* nxi-il lh** fojluwiug /||m;.-»*c* DEBIUTY, NOTICE. testimonials. JAUKB THOMPSON.'' CAUTION. PRICES. CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY. JANUARY 7, 1869. i’oelical. I*o DIE FOR TOC. A matter-of-fact poetical genius says:—“l overheard n, moonstruck, silly lad,' the other day remark that ho loved a certain young lady well onoughh to ‘die for you. 1 ” Now I love somebody very much. I’d swear for you, I’d tear for you—' The Lord knows What I’d bear for you! I’d lie for you, I’d sigh for you— I’d drink the potomac dry for you! I’d “cuss'' for you, Do ** touts” for you— ■ Kick up a thundering fuss lor you! I’d weep for you, I’d leap for you— I’d go without my sleep for you! I’d flghtforyou, I’d bite for you— I’d walk the streets all night for you I I’d plccd fur you, I'd plccd for you— I’d go without my *• feed” for you! I’d shoot for you, I’d root for you— A rival who'd make “suit” for you! I’d knell for you, I’d steal for you— Such is the love I feel for you! I’d slide lor you, I'd ride for you— I’d swim ’gainst wind and tide for you I I'd try for you, I’d cry for youl But hang me if I’d die for you I N, B.—Or any other woman! . sMisctlliumms. THE LITE SOFA. A doctor’s strategy Mr. Lundy was a peculiar-looking man, with a thin face and long, straight hair, that he fancied never needed cutting.— He bad, at one time, been very unfortu nate in business; but though made rich since, by a large legacy, he was not in a condition to enjoy it. The fact is, Mr. Lundy was a confirmed hypochrondriac. For many years Mrs. L. had stayed at home and humored his whims, but one season her pretty daughter wanted to go to a watering-place, not for any disease In particular, but to see the world and the young talks in it. Behold them, then, comfortably estab lished in a sea-side hotel. For two days Mr. Lundy had been all right; but one morning Ins poor wife knew what was coming, by the peculiarity of his looks and motions. Her book fell from her hand. Minnie turned pale. “ He’s been flighty ail the morning,’’ said Mrs. L. “ Bear, dear, see him whirl what is it, Lundy ?” “ A feather, my dear—a feather; catch me—hold me. Don’t you see the wind is blowing me everywhere? It will take me out to sea, and I shall get saturated— yes; wet through, Mrs. Lundy. I beg you to cutcb me; pin meloyourbonnel; 1 shall besafe there. Justsee how fright fully I ruffle ; the slightest puff of air ag itates me throughout. I’d rather be any thing than this. Do put me in your bon net, my dear?” “I’ll put you in a mad-house before long,” muttered the exasperated wife, “if you cut up such capers. Como into the hotel, Mr. Lundy.” “Come into the hotel, madam? You talk us if I had - legs. Did you ever see a feather walk ? Why, I’m lighter than a snow-drift. I wish 1 had a brick in my hat to keep mo down. Oh ! 1 envy eve rything stationery. Observe how I quiv er. fctick a pin in me, my dear,- and fas ten me to the floor. Is there enough of me for a pen ? Am I a ben-feather, or a duck-leather, or what?” “Goose-feather, if anything, you tire some mortal,” cried his wlte. “ I am sick of your vagaries. First, you’re a cut on the roof, mewing and keeping eve rybody awake; then you’re a glass bot tle, full of water, freezing and snapping; you’re anything and everything but a reasonable man. lam tired of it.” “ Mrs. Lundy, will you have the good ness to put me in your pocket? Squeeze me in your hand—anything, that 1 may feel safe in your protecting care. I’m afloat, (singing;) I’m afloat; I’m afloat. Ah ! what’s that ?” , “ NotlHng, Mr. Lundy, but Joe’s whip. I called him from the coach-house. Lay on, Joe.” “ But, my Jove, my legs.” “ Nonsense, Mr. Lundy. Lay ou, Joe. Feathers haven’t got legs.” “True, Mrs. Lundy; but they have marrow, and that’s what feels. Pray beg Joe to slop.” Just ibeu ran up little Tom, the only mule hope of the Lundy family, and, strange to say, in his hand a handsome ben-leather. A triumphant smile illu minau*d the face of Lundy the elder. “ Now, my dear,” lie said, gravely, ta king the feather in his hand, “I hope you'll believe me- My child, look on that feather, and be thankful; that was me.” And little Toni, chuckling at the idea, ran up and down the piazza, repeating merrily : “Pa was a hen once; dear me, how funny!" Minnie Lundy was captivating; there is no doubt about that. In pink, blue, white, or green, she looked equally char ming. There were rich men there who would have been glad to possess her, and nice men, and Hilly to that extent that they were fools and didn't km>w it. But it happened that a young physician was luckier than them all, and poorer. “I must have that girl,” he said, hoUo voce, u dozen times a day, mid then heartily wished that she had a lever. Probably lie saw Minnie through tiie back of his head, for he was always looking out of the window when she came lu, and al ways blushed violently. One day Minnie lollowed her mother into the parlor. As usual, JDr. Stagg was there. , “My dear,” cried Mrs. Lundy, who had just come from the garden, “ you look excited.” “ o, mamma!” and her voice was so sweetly 'low, an softly agftated —“ we ahull have to leave this place, indeed we Khali. Father is taking on terribly ; some of the boarders are laughing—others are shock ed*” “ What is the freak now, my dear?” “ O ! he's a rooster, and crows till he’s black in the face.” “A rooster! horrible! And here we are ,* not a doctor we know ” Somebody wheeled round from the window. “ Madam. I heard you speaking of— the—ahem—need of a doctor. Excuse my forwardness—but I am a physician?* Of course Minnie was more beautiful than ever in her confusion. “ My poor husband has an unfortunate tendency that annoys everybody near him.” . . T “ Perhaps he is a hypochondriac. 1 think I’ve seen him. Where is he, mad am ?” , , , “On the north porch,” said Minnie. “ And I um sure we are very much obliged,” added the mother, “ if you can help him.” The first sound that struck their ears as they issued from the door, was a grand and sonorous “ cock-a-doodle-doo I” • “John—Mr. Lundy!” cried his wife, “ what a sad spectacle yau are making of yourself!” “I’m no spectacle, good woman; I'm a rooster. Get out of my way—do you not notice the expanse of my wings?— Cock-a-doodle-doo!” “ What shall we do?” cried the poor wife, to the doctor. “Oh, sir, can you stop this ridiculous'exhlbltion?” “ Tuist me, madam,” said the young man, biting his lips, for the sight was al most too ridiculous lor his gravity. “ Upon my word,” continued he, ad dressing the deluded mau,“ whata.mag uificeul creature! W hy, bis leathers are a yard long. Where did you get such a splendid specimen ? Is bo imported ?” “ Cock-a-doodle-doo i” yelled the hu man biped, strutting more than ever.— “That woman has nothing to do with me. sir—nothing at all. I’m a rooster on my own account cock-a-doodle-doo!” Here the doctor gave orders aside to one of the servants, who went away grin ning. Then turning to the rooster, »ho was by this time red in the face with ex ertion. ho said: “ I declare it makes my mouth water to think what a capital dinner that bird would furnish. May I wring his neck, madam? It will take butu few seconds.” “ No’you dont,” cried the other ; ** I’m tough, I’m very tough, I’m an old bird, sir, not to be caught with chaff.” “ But you are a rooster; what else arc you good for?” * Good to crow, sir ; good to crow af ter which came the loudest screech of nil, succeeded by a somersault and a sense of suffocation. Another moment and the servant re-appeared with a dead fowl in his arms. “ I assure you, sir, it bad to be done,” said the doctor, gravely j and Mr. Lundy rubbed bis face and pinched tils throat. u Did yon really wring my neck, sir?” the hypochondriac asked, gravely. “When you were a rooster, certainly.” “Did I die game?” asked the other, with a manner of solemn importance. ” You did—particularly game,” replied the doctor. “ Thank you, sir. If I should happen to turn into a rooster again, I shall know where to go.” “1 shall be most happy to—to wring your neck for you, sir,ou any such inter esting occasion.” “ Very kind, I’m sure.' If you should ever get into any trouble, John Lundy will stand your friend.’/ “ Do you promise me that, sir?” “ I do, and I never break my word.” After that, Minnie walked into the gar den sometimes; and-Minnie was not alone—not she. 1 “I love violets best,” said the doctor to her one day. “ And I rosea,” Bo Minnie, being the least bit senti mental, quoted Pope on roses—something about dew. And the doctor went on Shakspcare, very, bad indeed, till some how, in some way—ho never could tell how, nor in what way (neither could she) —he said it. Bee dictionary for * it.’ . “Indeed, I must not listen to this,” murmured Minnie, dying to bear “My father, Ifiie knew—” ► “ Would disapprove, perhaps,” cried the young doctor, “And why? Be cause I am poor. And you, too, per haps—” “No, no; I—l—you know—l—love— you—but—” “ Hark! Who calls?” Knter Tommy. “Oh.sis! pa’s took again ; he’s going it awful !” “What is It now, dear?” asked Min nie, with the face of an angel; but per haps she was not a little cross at the in terruption. “Oh, he’s a sofa, and nm says please somebody come and smash him nil to bits.” “ What shall-we do?” sighed Minnie; “ that is the most ridiculous freak of all.” “Don’t be frightened, my love,” said the doctor. “Tommy, run right home and tell your mother X will he there in five minutes. Now, Minnie, there is but cne way I know of to cure your father at once, and that is by giving him a shock.” “ What! of electricity ?” “ No, dear—fur more powerful than that. You must go to the little brown house over there and bo married.” “Oh never; my father would kill me.” “ Does he ever break his word ?” “ 1 never knew him to.” “ All right. He promised me that if I should ever get Into trouble he would help me out.” “ Did he, really ? Then ho will.” “ But it is necessary that we give him the check first. Delay not, my darling ; you shall never regret it.” Of course they went. “ All I ask is that nobody’ll sit on me; I’m cracked. Beside, I’m just varnish ed. and not quite dry yet. Do, my dear, stand at the door and tell people as they come in that 1 cannot be sat on or in any way meddled with. I’m so llimaily fas tened together.” This was the speech that greeted Dr. Staggashe entered Mr. Lundy’s parlor with Minbie; Mrs. Lundy was in tears. “ Doctor, os soon as ever I get home I’ll have that ridiculous man carried to the hospital—indeed I will,” cried the poor woman. “I’ve borne with it long enough, and I’m completely worn out,” “ So nm I, my dear,” piped up her hus band; “I suppose I’m second hand; shouldn't wonder in the icast, my legs feel so shaky. Pray, don’t touch me.— Isn’t one rbller gone, my dear?” “ Roller gone ! your wits are gone. I wish I was a man. I’d varnish you in such a way that you’d never want to be a sofa again, or any piece of furniture,!’ The doctor stood near gravely consider ing. “ My dear, you are better as you are, for I see in the last five minutes you have come out a beaulilnl washbowl and pitcher. But isn’t your nose a little cracked, or do I see awry? Shouldn't wonder, for my head is full of brass tacks. I think I’ve snufted theip up my nose.— It’s worse than influenza.” “ Was ever any poor creature so afflic ted ?” murmured Mrs. Sofa—“ I mean Mrs. Lundy.” “Never, my love. I protest that I couldn’t be anything else if I would—but a sofa I am, and a poor one at that.” At that moment the doctor sprang for ward and planted himself upon the pros trated body of Mr. Lundy. “Capital sofa, this,” lie said, keeping lils position in spite of Ills victim’s smug gles* “Get up, I’m crackin.- in six pieces. Good heavens! you'll ruin me—you’ll break my back! Get up till I'm proper ly mended, for pity's sake.” “ Upon my word,” said the doctor, calmly, “ this piece of furniture nets «h if It was alive* It kicks and wriggles, and it makes me laugh at its antics. What a ridiculous sofa ?” “ I tell you I’m second-hand !” cried the hypochondriac more faintly than be fore, for one hundred and thirty pounds, dead weight, was no light infliction.— “I’m brass-lacked—old—very oM—mil of cracks, one roller gone* O! pi ay don't lean your weight on me.” The doctor lifted himself cautiously.— The sofa gave one deep inspiration. The doctor looked serious. “ A re you sure you are a sofa?” “ Of course I am.” “ Then you are no longer Mr. Lundy ?” M I am ho longer Mr. Lundy." “ Can you keep a secret?” “ Certainly I can.” “ Do you know old Luhdy’sdunghter ?’’ “ I guess I do.” “ Won’t you let on to the old fellow If I tell you Something?" •• Not if youjsay no.” “Well, I’ve just married her. Bhe’s my wife.” Off wem the sofa like a gun. “What! You villain!” “Takecare or you’ll break!” cried the doctor. “ You young rascal!” “ You old sofa!” “ “ You desperate young thief!” “You rickety old sofa, with your head full of brass tucks. I tell you,” cried the doctor, “ if you bad not been a feather, and a rooster, and a sofa, and the cat’s know what, you’d have looked alter your daughter better tbun you have.— But come, let’s be friends, and thank me for curing you. You’ll never be a hypo chondriac again—l’il take good care t>f that—for you see it’s a nice thing to have a medical adviser in the family. Besides, you promised me once that If I was in trouble you’d help me through. Come, come, let us be quits.” “I see I can’t help myself,” said the old man, gravely; “ but I tell you what, I shall consider you a thief until you are able to support your wife in tho style she is accustomed to.” “And I, sir, shall consider you a sofa until you revoke that decision.” It was needless to add, that was the lasi of the trouble. ('ANNIRALIfI.iI IN THE CARS. BY MARK TWAIN. I visited St. Louis lately, and on my way West, after changing cars at Terre Haute, Indiana, a mild, benevolent look ing gentleman of about forty-five, or may be fifty, came in at one of the way sta tions and sutdown beside me. We talk ed together pleasantly on various sub jects for an hour, perhaps, and I found him exceedingly interesting and enter taining. When he learned that I was from Washington, he immediately be gan to ask questions about various pub lic men, and about Congressional affairs, and I saw very shortly that I was con versing with a man who was perfectly familiar with the ins and outs of political life at the capital, even to tho ways and manners and customs of procedure of Senators and Representatives in the chambers of the National Legislature.— Presently two women halt-ed near us for a single moment, and one said to tho other: “ Harris, if you’ll do that for me, I’ll never forget you, my boy,” My new comrade’s eyes lighted pleas antly. .The words had touched upon a happy memory, I thought. Then his face settled into thoughtfulness—almost into g’oom. He turned to me and said : •' Let rno tell you a story—let me give you a secret chapter of my life—a chap ter that has never been referred to by me since its events transpired. Liston pa tiently and promise that you will not in terrupt me.” I said I would not, and he related the following strange adventure, speaking sometimes with melancholy, but always with feeling and earnestness. THE STRANGER'S NARRATIVE. On the 9th of December, 1853, I start ed from St. Louis in the evening bound train for Chicago. There were only twenty four passengers, ail told. There were n« ladies, and no children. We were in excellent spirits, ami pleasant acquaintances were soon formed. The journey bade fair to he a happy one, and no individual in the party, 1 think, had ever the vaguest presentiment of the horrors we were soon to undergo. At 11 P. M. it began to snow hard.— Shortly after leaving the small village of Welden, we entered upon that tremen dous prairie solitude that stretches its leagues on leagues of houseless dreari ness far a to ward the Jubilee Bettlc mentH. The winds, unobstructed by trees or hills, or even vagrant rocks, whistled fiercely across the level desert, driving the fulling snow before it like spray from the crested waves of a stormy sea. The snow was deepening fast, anil we know, by the diminished sp« ed of the train, that the engine was ploughing through it with steadily increasing dilfl culty. Indeed it almost came to a dead halt sometimes in the midst of the great drifts.that piled themselves like colossal graves across the truck. Conversation begun to fiag. Cheerfulness gave place to grave concern. The possibility of be ing imprisoned in the snow, on the bleak prairie, fifty miles from any house, pre sented Itself to every mind, and extended its depressing influence over every spirit. At 2 o'clock in the morning I was aroused out of an easy slumber, by the ceasiugof all motion around me. The appalling truth flushed upon me instant ly—we were captives in a snow drift!— “ All hands to the. rescue.” Every man sprang to obey. Out into the wild night, the pitchey darkness, the billowiag snow, the driving storm, every soul leaped, with the consciousness that a moment lost now might bring destruc tion upon us nil. Shovels, hands, boards —anything, everything, that could dis place sno\v —was brought into instant re quisition. It was a wearied picture, that small company of frantic men fighting the banking snows, half in the blackest shadow and half in the angry light of the locomotive’s reflector. One short hour sulflced to prove the uselessness of our efforts. The storm barricaded the track with a dozen drifts while we dugono way. And worse than this,ft was discovered that the last grand charge the engine had made upon the enemy hud broken (he fore and aft shaft of the driving wheel! With a free track before us we should still have been help less. We entered the car wearied with .labor and very sorrowful. We gathered about the stoves, and gravely canvassed our situation. We had no provision whatever—in this lay our clue! distress. We could not freeze for there was a good supply of wood in the lender. This was our only comfort. The ended at last in accepting the de cision of tlie conductor, viz, that it would lie death for any man to attempt to travel fifty miles on foot through snow like that. We could not send for help, and even if we could. It could not come. We must submit and await, os patiently as we might, succor or starvation ! I think the stoutest heart there felt a mo mentary chill when these , were uttered. Within an hour conversation subsided to a low mum er here and there about the car, caught fitfully between the ris ing and falling of the blast; the lamps grew dim, and the majority of the casta ways settled llieimelveaumong the tuck ering shadows to think—to gorget the present if they could—to sleep if they might. The eternal night—it seemed eternal to us wore its lagging hours away at last, and the cold gray dawn broke in the east. As the light grew stronger the passengers begun to stir and give signs of life, one after another, and each in (urn pushed his slouched hut up from his forehead, stretched his stiffened limbs, and glanced out at the windows upon, the cheerless prospect. It was cheeriess indeed ! Not a Jiving thing visible anywhere—not a human habita tion—nothing but a vast white desert; uplifted sheets of snow drifting hither and thither before the wind—a world of eddying Hakes shutting out the firma ment above. All day we moped about the care, say ing Hull*, thinking much. Another lin gering. dreary night—and hunger. A nother dawning—another day of al huu-e. Madness, wasting hunger, hopeless wairhimr f«i mu-cur Unit could not come. A night of res lens slumber, filled with dreams of feasting— walkings distressed with the gnawings of hunger. The fourth day came and went—and the Tilth ! Five daya of dreadful Impris onment! A savage hunger looked out at every eve. There was In It a sign of ful Import—the foreshadowing of some thing that wui vaguely shaping Itself In every - heart —a something which no tongue eared yet to frame into words. The sixth day passed—the seventh dawned upon -m gaunt, and haggard,and hopeless a company of men asever stood in the shallow of 'deith. It must out now ! That tiling which hud been grow ing up in every heart was ready to leap from every lip at last! Nature had been taxed to the utmost—she must yield.— Richard H. Gaston, of Minnesota, jail, cadaverous, and pule rose up. AH pre pared—every emotion, every resemblance of excitement was smothered —only a calm, thoughful seriousness appeared in the eyes that were lately so wild. “ Gentlemen, It cannot be delayed lon ger! trine is at hand! We must determine of us shall die to fur nish food fnr the rest I*’ Mr. John.l. Williams, of Illinois rose and said : (hmiiemen I nominate the Rev James .Sawyer, of Tennessee.” Mr. William R. Adams, of Indiana, said : “ I nominate Mr. Daniel Blote of New York.” Mr. Charles J, Langdon—l nominate Mr. Samuel A. Rowen, of St. Louis.” Mr. Blole— ** Gentlemen, I desire to decline la favorol Mr. John A. Van Nas trand, Jr., of New Jersey.” VOL. 55.—N0. 30. Mr. Gaston—lf there be no objection, the gentleman's desire will be acceded to. Mr. Van Nasdrand objecting, the realg nation'of Mr. Klote was rejected. The resignations of Messrs. Hawyerand Bow en were also offered, end refused on the same grounds. Mr. A. L. Bascon, of Ohio—move that the nominations now close, and that the house proceed to an election by ballot. Mr. tiawyer—Gentlemen, I protestear nestiy against these proceedings* They are, in every way, irregular and unbe coming. I mustbeg they be dropped at once, and that w© elect achnirmun of the meeting and proper officers to assist him, and then we can go on with the business before us understanding^. Mr. Belknap, of Ohio—Gentlemen, I object* This is no time to stand, upon forma and ceremonious observances.— For more than seven days we have been without food. Every moment we lose in idlo discussion increases our distress.- I am satisfied with the nominations that have been made—every gentleman pres ent is, I believe—and I for one, do not see why wo should not proceed- to elect one or more of them. I wish to offer a resolution— Mr. Gaston—lt would be objected to, and have to lie over one day under the rules, thus bringing about the very de lay you wish to avoid. The gentleman from Now Jersey Mr. Van Nastrand—Gentlemen, I ora a stranger among you ; I have not sought the distinction that has been conferred upon me, and I fell a delicacy. Mr. Morgan, of Alabama—l move the previous question. The motion was carried, and further debate shut off of course. The motion to elect officers was passed, and under It Mr. Gaston chosen Chairman, Mr- Blake, Secretary, Messrs. Holcomb, Dyer and Baldwin a Committee on Nominations, and Mr. M. Howland, Surveyor, to as sist the Committee iu making selections. A recess of half an hour was then ta ken, and some little caucusing followed. At the sound of the gavel the meeting reassembled, and the Committee report ed in favor of Messrs. George Ferguson of Kentucky, Luclcn Hermann, of Lou isiana, and W. Messick, of Colorado, as candidates. The report was accepted. Mr. Rogers, of Missouri—Mr. President, the report being properly before the House now, I move to amend It by sub stituting for the name of Mr. Hermann that of Mr. Lucius Harris, of St. Louis, who is well and honorably known to us all. Ido not wish to be understood os casting the least reflection upon the high character and standing of the gentleman from Louisiana—far from it; I respect and esteem him as much as any gentle man here present possil ly can; but none of us can be blind to the fact that he has lost more tlesh during the week we have had hero than any among you ; none of us can ho blind to the fact that the CQmmittqo has been derelict In its duty, either through negligence or a graver fault, in thus offering for our suff rages a gentleman who, however pure bis motives might be, Ims really less nu triment in him. The Chair—The gentleman tom Mis souri will take his seat. The CTiair can not allow the Integrity of the Committee to be questioned save by the regular course, under the rules. What action will the House take , upon the gentle- motion ? Mr. Halliday, of Virginia—l move to further amend the report, by substituting Mr. Harvey Davis, of Oregon, for Mr. Messick, It may be urged by gentle men that the hardships and privations of a frontier life have made Mr. Davis tough; but, gentlemen, is this a time to cavil at toughness ? Jathlsa lime to be fastidious concerning trifles? Is this u time to dispute about matters of paltry significance?' No, gentlemen: bulk la what we desire—substance, weight, bulk —these are the requisites now—not tal ent, not genius, not education. I insist upon my motion. Mr. Morgan (excitedly)—Mr. Chair man, I do most strenuously object to the amendment. The gentleman from Ore gon is old, and furthermore is bulky only iu bone—not in flesh. I ask the gentle man from Virginia if It be soup wo want instead of solid sustenance? if ho would delude us with shadows? if he would mock our sufferings with an Oregonian spectre? I ask him if'he can look upon the anxious faces around him, if he cun gaze into our sad. eyes, if he cun listen to the beating of our expectant hearts, and still thrust lids famlue-slrlcken fraud upon us? I ask him if he cun think of our desolate state, of our post sorrows, of our dark future, and still uupltyingly foist upon us this wreck, this ruin, tills totterlngswindle, this gnarled and blight ed and sapless vagabond from Oregon’s inhospitable shores! Never I [Ap plause] The amendment was put to vote, after a fiery debate, and lost. Mr. Harris was substituted on the Aral amendment. Th© ImUolting then began. Five ballots were held without a choice. On the sixth Mr. Harris was elected, all voting for him but himself. It was then moved that his election should-be ratified by accla mation, which was lost, in consequence of his again voting against hlm-ell. Mr. iludway moved that the House now take up the remaining candidates, and go into election for breakfast. This was carried. On the first ballot there was a tie, half the members favoring one candidate on account of tils youth, and the other half Ins superior size. The President gave the casting vote for the latter. This de cision created considerable dissatisfac tion among the friends of Mr. Ferguson, the defeated candidate, and there was some talk ot demanding a new ballot; but In the inhit of it a motion to adjoin was carried, and the meeting broke up at cure. The preparation for supper diverted the attention of the Ferguson faction Iroin the subject of their grievances tor a long lime, and then, when they would have taken it up again, the happy an nouncement that Mr. Harris was ready drove all thought of it to tho winds* We improvised tables by propping tip the bucks of our seats, add sat down with hearts full of gratitude to tho iiuest supper that had blessed our vision for seven torturing days. How changed we were from what we had been u few short hours before! Hopeless, sad-eyed misery hunger, feverish anxiety, desperation then—thankfulness, serenity, Joy 100 deep for utterance now. That I know was the cheeriest hour of my , eventful life. The winds howled, and blew the snows wildly about our prison house, but they were powerless to distress us any snore. I liked Harris. He might have been better done, perhaps, but 1 am free to say that no man ever agreed with me better than Harris, or atlbrded me so' large a degree of satisfaction. Mewdck was very well, though rattier high haver ed; but for genuine nutritiousness, and delicacy of fibre, give me Harris. Mes sick had his good points—l wilJ not at tempt to deny it, nor do I wish to do it— •’but he was no mb re lilted for brea'kfast than a mummy would be sir—not a bit.— Lean? why bless me! —and tough ! Ah, lie was verry tough ! You could not ima ine it—you could never Imagine any thing like it, . “Doyou mean to tell me that—” Do not Interrupt me, please. After breakfast we elected a man by tbe name of Walker, from Detroit, forsupper. He was very good. I wrote bis wile so after ward. He was worthy of all praise. I shall always remember Walker. He was a Utile rare, but very good. And then In the morning, we hud Morgan of Alabama, for breakfast. He was one of the Uneat men 1 ever sat down to—handsome, edu cated, relined, spoke several languages fluently; he was a perfect gentleman, and singularly juicy. For supper we bud the Oregon patriarch, and be was a fraud, there is no question about It —old scrag gy : tough—nobody can picture tbe reali ty. 1 finally said, “ Gentlemen, you can do as you please, but I will wait for another election,” And Grimes of 111 - Rates for AnvEßTiaxmcNTS win be inserted at Ten Orotg per line for the ftfsl Insertion. per Hue for each subsequent insertion. Quar terly .half-yearly, and yearly advertlsemebtsin erted at a liberal redaction on the isb6ir4 rate should be accompanied by lha - Casu. When sent without any length of tlaSa - specified for publication, they will be .continued until ordered oatand charged accordingly. JOB PRINTING. • OAkds, Hahduiujj, CmctHLABS, and every oth er description of Job and Card Printing exacu* ted In the neatest style, at low prices. nojs, said, “ Gentlemen, I will wait ala<«. When you elect a man who has some thing to recommend him. I shall be glad to join you again.” It soon became evident that there was a general dissatis faction with Day!*, of Oregon, and an, to preserve lb© good will that had prevail ed so pleasantly since we had Harris an election was called, and the result of it was that Baket. of Georgia, was efioosen. He was splendid! Well, well. After that we had Doolittle, and Hawkins, aud McElroy (there was some Complaint about McElroy, because he was uncom monly short and thin,) and a young brawny and active Indian boy, and an organ grinder, and a gentleman by the name of Buckmhiister—a jmxJ* stick of a vagabond, that wasn’t any good for com pany .and no account fop breakfast We were glad we get bltu elected before re lief came. “ Aud so the blessed relief did come at last.” “ Yes, It came one bright summer morning, Just after election, John Mur phy was the choice, and there never was a belter, I am willing to testify; but John Murphy came home with us in the train to succor us, and lived to marry the widow Harris— “ Kelect of—” “Relectof our first choice. Ho mar ried her, and la respected and prosper ous yet. Ah, U was like a novel, sir— was like a romance* This is my stop ping place, air; I must bid you good bye. Any time you can make it convenient to tarry a day or two with me, I shall be glad to have you. I like you, sir • 1 have conceived an affection for you. I could like you as well as I liked Harris him self, sir. Good day, sir, and a pleasant journey.” He was gone. I never felt so stunned, so distressed, so bewildered iu my life— But in my soul I was glad ho was gone. With ail his gentleness of manner and his soft voice, I shuddered whenever be turned his hungry eye upon me; and when I heard that 1 bad* achieved his perilous affection, and that I stood al most with the late Harris in bis esteem, my heart fairly stood still 1 I was bewildered beyond description. I did not doubt his word; I could not question a single item la a statement ho stumped with the earnestness of truth us bis; but its dreadful detail overpowered me, and threw my thoughts into hope less confusion. I saw the conductor looking at me. I said, “ Who Is that man ?” “ He was a member of Congress once, and a good one. But he got caught in a snow drift In the ears, and like to hayn been starved to death. He got so frost bitten and frozen up generally., and used up for wantof something to eat, that he was sick and out of his head two or three months afterward. - He is all right now, only he is a mono maniac, and when he gets on time old subject he never stops till be has eaten up that whole car loud of people he talks about. He would have finished the crowd by this time, only he hud to get out here. He has gut their names as pat os A. B, C. When begets them all ea ten up but himself he always says: “Then the hour for the usual election for break fast having arrived, and there being no opposition, I was duly elected, after which, there beiug no objections offered, I lealgned. Thus lam here.” • I felt Inexpressibly relieved (o know that 1 bad only been listening to the harmless vagaries of a madman, instead of the genuine experiences of a blood thirsty cannibal. What a Climate. —Dan Marble was once strolling along the wharves of Bos ton, when he met a tall, gaunt-looklng figure, a “ digger” from California, ami got into conversation with him. •* Healthy,climate, I suppose ?” “Healthy! if isn’t anything else,— Why, stranger, (here you can choose any climate you like, hot or cold, nod that to without traveliu’ more than fifteen min utes. Jest itiinko’ that .the next cold inornlu’ when you get out o’ bed.— There’s a mountain there, the Srfry Ne vudy they call it, with a valley on each side of it, one hot and one cold* Well, get on the top of that mountain with a doublud-barreied gun, and you can, with out inovin-kill either summer or winter game, jc-st ns you wish.” •* What! have you ever tried it?” “Tried it! often; and should have done pietty well, hut for one thing.” “ Well, what was tbat?” { “I wanted a dog that would stand both climates. The last.dog I bad froze his tail off' while pintin' on the summer side. He didn’t get entirely out of the winter side, you see —true os you Jive.” How Hi? Proved It.—lt Is tho cus tom in Mexico for the Church to require a foreigner, wishing to marry a native, to bring proof that, ha is uot already a married man. An American, about to marry a senorUa of very good family, was required to furnish the pioof of hiu being a bachelor. Not Uncling any of his coun trymen who knew him sufficiently well to testify to this fact, lie determined to Mipply the deficiency with the oath of a untie c. Meeting a Mexican in the street u horn he laid never seen before, .our countryman proposed to him that he Vlioulri swear to his being unmarried for the consideration of five dollars. The se mi*, after a moment’s study, told the “ Gringo,” “Get down on your hands and knees and creep about.” Not ex actly understanding what ho was at, lie obeyed, much to the detriment of his un mentionables. The other party then told him he was all right; that he would swear that lie had known him since the time he crawled. ttSF* A little boy seeing a drunkeur-inan p o.strule before the door of a grocery, opened tin* door, and putting in hi* head said to the pioprletor : “ See here, Hit ; your sign ha* fallen down ?” CQy* A ladv was urged by her friends to 'ii'irrv a widower, mid as 01) argument 1 1 *♦*\* -iu.ki* of Id* iwi. beautiful children. “ « in' lied the lady, “ are like to'ithph'krt. A person wants her own." r*v- \n A^kansn*‘diinr has been pr» ■ B<*ti«•••* wiih a new hat. w'bereuipm h h>iv* * 4 A gf‘it«fui humoroommern'e-I v»r ohm/ ugh our veins like a voting d- v wiih ho old ‘•hoe. 1 * fiSf* A theoretically benevolent man on being asked by a f iend to loan him a dollar, answered, briskly, “with plea sure;” but suddenly added, “Dear me, Jiow unfortunate! We only on© lending dollar, and that is out.” BST A revivalist, encountering an Af rican.* asked him: “My good man, have you found the Lord?” To-which Bam bo replied in » surprised manner: “Golly, mussa, am do Lord lost?” M>. Pewitl says that a married couple should be culled three, instead ot one ; became the woman is won and the man, too. tar If a man waits patiently while a woman Is pulling on bor # things to go “shopping,” he will make a good hus band. - SST I never bet on the man who is al ways idling what he would have done if he had been there; I have noticed this kind never get there. tsr What is the difference between the entrance to a burn and anover*talka tl vo person ? One la a barn door and the other a darn bore. 86$* 44 Working for dear life” Is defined be making clothes for a new baby. 86T Farmers like fat bogs—Printer “ devils” ilk© fat copy.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers