I I El |€ljc American Volunteer. s s ptmrJflHED EVERY THURSDAY MORNING BY BRATTON Sc KENNEDY. OFFICE—SOUTH MARKET SQUARE. Terms Two Dollars per year If pald-strlotly m advance; Two Dollars and Fifty Cents If paid within throe months; after which Three Dollars will bo charged. These terms will be rigidly ad hered to In every instance* No subscription dis continued until all arrearages are paid, unless at the option of the Editor. professional (Sartos. Ijnited States claim AND BEAL ESTATE AGENCY! WM. B. SUTLER, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Office In 2d Story of InhofTs Building, No. 3 South Hartovor Street, Carlisle, Cumberland county, Pensions, Bounties, Back Pay, Ac., promptly Applications by mail, will receive immediate attention giuen to tbe Bolling or rent ing of Real Estate, in town or country. In all let ters of inquiry, please enclose postage stamp. Jnly 11,1807—tf T M WEAKLEY, Attorney atLaw. VI . Office on South Hanover street. In the room formerly occupied by A. B. Sharpe. Esq. T7l E. BELTZHOOVEB, Attorney JJ # and Counselor at Law, Carl Isle, Penna. Office on South Hanover street, opposite Bentz’s Store. By special arrangement with the Patent Office, attends to securing Patent Rights. Dec. 1, 1805. CHAS. E. MAGLAUGHLIN, Attor ney at Law. Office in Building formerly occupied by Volunteer, a few doors South of Han non’s Hotel. Deo. 1,1805.. TOHN. C. .GRAHAM, Attorney at • I LAW. Office formerly occupied by Judge Graham, South Hanover street, Carlisle, Penna. Deo. 1,186&— ly. MG. HERMAN, Attorney at Law. • Office In Rhcem’a Hall Building, in the rear of-the Court House, next door to the “Her ald” Office, Carlisle, Penna. Deo. 1,18(55. WT F. SADLER, Attorney at Law, VV • Carlisle, Ponna. Office in Building for merly occupied by Volunteer, South Hanover street. Deo. 1, 1805. ATT KENNEDY Attorney at Law, VV • Carnt»»e. Ponna. Office same os that ot the ‘‘American-Volunteer,” South side of the Pub lic Square. - . Dec. 1. 1805. JOHN LEE, Attorney at Law, North Hanover Street, Carlisle, Pa,, r cb. 15,1800—1 y. TAMES A. DUNBAR. Attorney at m Law. Carlisle, Ponna, Office a few doors west of Hannon’s Hotel, Dec. 1,1805. DR. J. R. BIXLER offers bis profes i sional services to the citizens of Carlisle and vicinity. Office on Main street, opposite the Jail, In the room lately occupied by L. Todd, Esq. „ April 11,1807—ly DR. GEORGE S. BEARIGHT, Den tist. From ' tfie Baltimore College oj Dental mrgcry. Office at the residence of nis mother, East Leather Street,’three doors below Bedford, Carlisle, Penna. Doc. 1,1805. Utg (SooXrs. 3.867/ BPRING! 1867. BAR OjLJJVS Now opening in DOMESTIC GOODS, DRESS GOODS, OASSIMERES, SATTINETTS AND J BANS, WHITE GOODS, DRESS TRIMMINGS. ZEPHYRS, RIBBONS AND NOTIONS AT RING’S NEW STORE, NO. 55 WEST MAIN STREET, Opposite the Mansion House, Next door to the Post Office, Carlisle. April 18,1807. OUT DRY GOODS MEN I TO THE PUBLIC . I have Just returned from the East with my Spring Stock, and as usual. 1 am selling Goods a little cheaper than any other Dry Goods House In town. Ido not think It necessary to occupy a column of newspaper to endeavor to keep up my reputation for selling Cheap Goods, nor do I Wish to resort to any other clap-trap to gull the public. All I oak of them is to call and examine ror themselves, and U not satisQed with the pri ces, not to buy. Remember the stand, No. 32 North Hanover street, next door to Dr. Kleilor's, and MUlor & Bowers’ Hardware store. - WM. A. MILES. P. S. I will say nothing about my third and fourth grand openings. April 18,1897. 628 & 00V SKIRTS. 628. NEW SPRING STYLES. “OUR OWN MAKE.” mbracing every Now and Desirable size, style and Shape of Plain ond Trail Hoop Skirts,—2, 2 1-4,2 U. 2 3-4,8 1-4,81-2.3 8-4 ond 4 Yds., round every length and size Waist; In every respect Fitst Quality, and especially adapted to meet the wants oft First Class and most fashionable Trade. *• Oar Own Make,” of Hoop Skirts, are lighter, more elastic; more durable, and really diaper than any other make of either Single or Double Spring Skirt In the American Market. They are Warranted In every respect, and wherever Intro duced give universal satisfaction. They are now being extensively Bold by Retailers, and every Lady should try them. Ask lor Hopkih's Own Make,** and see that each Skirt Is Stamped “ W.T. HOPKINtS MANU FACTURER, 628 Arch Street, Philadelphia.”— No others are Genuine A Catalogue containing Style, Size and Retail Prices, seat to any address. A Uniform and Liberal Discount allowed to Deal ers. Orders by mail or otherwise, promptly and carefully fillet!—Wholesale and Retail, at Manu factory and Sales-rooms. » _ No. 628 ARCH Street. PHILADELPHIA. Skirts mode to order, altered and repaired. Terms, Not Cosh, One Price Only. * WILLIAM T. HOPKINS. April 18.1807—10 m. Q.REAT WATCH' SALEI . 2000 WATCHES, Patent Lover Movements, full Jewelled, Hunting Cases, Sterling Silver, Beauti fully Engraved and in every respect first class Timers. To be sold at six dollars each, being less than throe-fourths the coat of manufacturing.— These watches are retailed by Jewelers at from JIB to 818, the actual cost to the manufacturer being 89 each. This stock of watches was purchased at a Bankrupt Sale In London, and are now oflTered at such extremely low figures, that all may possess a correct Time-keeper at a merely nominal sum. Every watch warranted for 2 years. Parties or dering them sent by mall, must enclose 80 cents extra to repay postage. Money enclosed in a well scaled letter mayho sent at my risk. Address all orders to MARLIN CONNOR, Albany, n. y May 10,1807—1 y E .Conrman. Dn. c. M, ■Worthington. JjJEW DRUG STORE. The subscribers have opened a now DRUG AND CHEMICAL STORE, 2Vo. 7, East Main Street, Oarlisle, where they have Just received a largo and fresh apply of the very best DRUGS AND MEDICINES to be found in the City Markets, to which they Invito the attention of the public. Also, a large variety of PERFUMERY AND FANCY ARTICLES, Dye Stuffs, and ail the various Patent Medicines. All Drugs and Medicines warranted pare. , o®* Prescriptions carefully compounded. CORNMAN d WORTHINGTON. . April 25,18 G PLAIN and FANCY PRINTING of JL every description neatly executed at the VOLTOTBKB 02106,* Ihf American toolnqteer BY BRATTON & KENNEDY. Ifteal ISstatc. ESTATE FOR SALE!! W. J. SHEARER, \ ATTORNEY AT LAW, AND AGENT FOR THE SALE OF Cumberland Co. Real Estate, OFFERS THE FOLLOWING VALUABLE REAL ESTATE FOR SALE AT REASONABLE PRICES IN TUB BOROUGH OR CARLISLE. No. 1. SIX of the finest BUILDING LOTS In the Borough, on South Hanover Street. No. X The six most elevated BUILDING LOTS in the Borough, situated at the head of South St. IN TUB COUNTRY. No. 8. A TRACT OF THIRTY-SIX ACRES, with small but comfortable BRICK DWELLING HOUSE, Frame Stable, Ac., and a young and thriving Orchard of CHOICE FRUIT, situate on the Railroad, in North Middleton twp., West, and within a mlio of, the Borough of Carlisle. This property as n HOMESTEAD and for general or Track Farming, is the most desirable tract of its size to bo found anywhere in the vicinity of .Carlisle. The certain extension, of the town West ward, partly consoquflht upon the improve ments made and contemplated by the Railroad Company in that direction, drawing, as they necessarily will, nearly the whole trade of the town to that end, will very greatly enhance the value of this land to the future owner, for any purpose whatever, rendering It a sgfo and profit able investment. Fob. 28,1800. &c. B. EWING, A. CABINET MAKER AND’UNDERTAKER, WEST MAIN STREET, CARLISLE, PENN’A. A SpLNFDiD Assortment of NEW FURNITURE for the Holidays, comprising Sofas, Camp Stools, Lounges, Centre Tables, Rocking Chairs, Dining Tables, Easy Chairs, Card Tables, Reception Chairs, Ottomans, Bureaus, What-Nots, Secretaries, &c., <&c., Parlor, Chamber, Dining Room, * Kitchen ’M • and Office FURNITURE, of the Latest Styles, COTTAGE FURNITURE IN SETTS, Splendid Now Patterns. BEDSTEADS AND MATTRESSES, GILT FRAMES AND PICTURES, In great variety. Particular attention given to F(morals. Orders from town and country attended to promptly and on reasonable terms. Dec. 48,1808—tf Q A B I N E T FAB EEOBBE TOWN AND COUNTRY. The subscriber respectfully informs bis friends and the public generally, that he still continues the Undertaking business, and is ready to wait upon customers either by day or by nlgnt. Ready made Coffins kept constantly on hand, both Elaln and ornamental. He has constantly on and Fisk's Patent Metalio Buriat Case, of which he has been appointed the sole agent. This case is recommended as superior to any of the kind now in use, it being perfectly air tight. He has also furnished himself with u now Rose wood Hearse and gentle horses, with which he will attend funerals in town and country, per sonally, without extra charge. Among the greatest discoveries of the age Is Weß’a Spring Mattrass, the best and cheapest bod now in use, the exclusive right of which I have secured, and will bo kept constantly on hand, CABINET MAKING, In all Its various branches, carried on, and Beau* reaus, Secretaries, Work-stands. Parlor Ware, Upholstered Choirs, Bofus, Pier, Side and Centre Tables, Dining and - Breakfast Tables, Wash stands of all kinds, French Bedsteads, high and -lowposts: Jenny Lind and Cottage Bedsteads, Chairs of all kinds, Looking Glosses, and all other articles usually manufactured in this line of business, kept constantly on band. His workmen are men of experience, his ma terial the best, and hls work made in the latest city stylo, and all under his own supervision. It wifi be warranted and sold low for cosh. He Invites all to give him a call before purchas ing elsewhere. For the liberal patronage hero toare extended to him he feels indebted to tils numerous customers, and assures them that no efforts will bo spared iu future to please them in style and price. Give us a call. Remember the place, North Hanover street, nearly opposite the Deposit Bank, Carlisle. DAVID SIPE. Dec. 1,1805. piPER.’S BOOK AND FANCY STORE, AND GENERAL NEWS DEPOT, 83 WEST MAIN STREET, CARLISLE, PA. A fine assortment of Goods on hand,swob as Writing Desks, Port Folios, Ladles Companions, Work Boxes, Satchels, Ladles’ Parses, Pocket Books, Segor Cases, * Card Caaei#| Gold Pens, Pen Knives, • «fec„ &c. A LARGE SUPPLY OF FAMILY BIBLES and PHOTOGRAPHIC ALBUMS, AT REDUCED PRICES. DIARIES FOR 1867. . Subscriptions received for all Magazines, Fash ion Books, Papers, &0., at publishers prices. You save postage and always sure of receiving your Magazines by subscribing at Piper’s. Special attention is paid to keeping always on hand a supply of SCHOOL BOOKS, for town and country schools. Books and Music ordered when desired. May 23,1807-tf Jg BALE’S (LATE POWELL’S) EMBROCATION, For all 'Disease* incident to Horses, Cattle, and the Human Flesh, requiring the use oj an external appli cation. . . ... This now Compound, prepared by a practical Chemist having a full knowledge of all tue medi cal virtues of each ingredient that enters into its composition, is warranted to exceed anything of the kind over yet offered to the public as an ex ternal application for the diseases which it la rec ommended. We are satisfied that it will work its own road into the confidence of all who use it, and those who try it onco will never bo with out it, and therefore we rely on experience as the best test of its usefulness. It Is pronounced by Farriers, and oil who have tried it to be the best application ever used. This Embrocation has been put up for over eight years, and it is only through the increasing demand and argent re quest of ray friends ana the nublio that I send it forth as the grand remedial agent for the various diseases to which that noble and useful animal, the horse, Is subject. _ Many remedies have been offered to the pub lic under different forms, some of these are Inj a rious, others at best of little use, and many whol ly improper to answer the pnroposea for which they are recommended. A Judicious and really useful composition,'free from these objections, has tbevefore long been de sired by many gentlemen who have valuable hor ses, and are unwilling to trust them to the core of designing and protended Farriers. Their wishes are at length rally gratified by Dr. Boole being K 'ailed upon to allow this valuable Embroca (whlch has proved so efficacious to the vari ous diseases) to be prepared and brought out to ■ tho public. \ ; This Embrocation was extensively used by the. Government during the war. | Address all Orders to DU, EDMOND BEALE.! f CO2 South Second Street, Philadelphia, Pd, For sale at the Drug Stores of Cornman d Worthington, Bast Main St. cot, and D. Ralston, South Hanover Street, Carlisle. April U. 18(57 pHOTOGBAPHS FOB THE MILLIONI I will send, post-paid, 50 Photographs of the most celebrated Actors for 00 cents; 60 Actresses for GO cents: 50 Union Generals for 60 cents; 50 Rebel Generals for 60 cents; 60 Statesmen for 60 cents: 60 beautiful young Ladles for 50 cents; 60 line-looking young Gentlemen for GO cents; o largo Photographs of French Dancing Girls, in costume, beautifully colored, exactly as they ap pear, for 50 cents; or for 50 cents,Oof the most beautiful Ladies of the Parisian BalietTroupo, as they appear In the play of the Black Crdok, at Nimo's Garden, New York. Bend all orders to P. O. Box 177, Troy, N. Y - May 18,1807—1 y Jffiletotcal S _ "Cl 4GUA BE MAGNOLIA. ollot delight. Superior to any cologne, used to bathe the face and person, to render the skin soft and fresh, to allay inflomation, to perfume clothing, for headache, &o. It is manufactured from the rich Southern Magnolia, and Is obtain ing a patronage quite unprecedented. It is a fa vorite with actresses and opera singers. It is * L(JOin largo bottles, and by DEMAS BARNES & CO., New York, Wholesale Agents. Saratoga Spring Water, sold by all Druggists. 8. T.—lBoo—X. Persons of sedentary habits troubled with weakness, lassitude, palpitation of the heart, lack ofappetlte, distress alter eating, torpid liver, con stipation, &0.. deserve to sulTer if they will not try the celebrated PLANTATION BITTERS, which are now recommended by the highest medical authorities, and warranted to produce on immediate beneficial effect. They are exceed ingly agreeable, perfectly pure, and must super sede all other tonics where a healthy, gentle stimulant is required. They purify, strengthen and invigorate. They oreato a healthy appetite. They are.ah antidote to change of water and diet. They strengthen the system and enliven the mind. . They prevent miasmatic and intermittent fe vers. purify the breoth and acidity of thestom- Thoy cure Dyspepsia and Constipation. They cure Uvor Complaint and&ervous Head ache They make the weak strong, the .languid bril liant, and are exhausted nature’s great restorer. They are composed of the celebrated Callsaya bark, wlntergreen, sassafras, roots and herbs, all preserved In perfectly pure Bt. Croix rum. For particulars, see circulars and testimonials around each bottle. Beware of Impostors. Examine ©very bottle. Bee that It hgs our private U. S. stamp nnmntlla ted over the cork, with plantation scone, and our signature on a lino steel plate side label. See that our bottle Is not refilled with spurious and deleterious stuff. Any person pretending to sell Plantation Bitters by the gallon or in balk, is an impostor. »Any person Imitating this bottle, or selling any other material therein, whether call ed Flantation.Bitters or not, is a criminal under the U. S. Law. and will be so prosecuted by us.— The demand for Drake’s Plantation Bitters, from ladles, clergymen, merchants, do., is incredible. The simple trial of a bottle is the evidence we present of their worth antj superiority. They are sold hy all respectable druggists, grocers, physicians, hotels, saloons, steamboats and coun try stores. „ P. H. DRAKE & CO. Saratoga Spuing Water, sold by nil Druggists Have you a hurt child or a lame hone ? Use the Mexican Mustang Liniment. For oats, sprains burns, swellings and coked breasts, the Mexican Mustang Liniment Js a cer tain cure. - ' For rheumatism, neuralgia, stiff joints, stings and bites, there Is nothing like the Mexican Mustang Liniment. For spavined horses, the poll-evil, ringbone and sweeny, the Mexican Mustang Liniment never falls. • For wind-gallb, scratches, big-head and splint, the Mexican Mustang Liniment is worth Its weight in gold. Cats, bruises, sprains and swellings, are so common and certain . to occur In every family, that a bottle of this Liniment is the best invest ment that con be made. It Is more certain than tho doctor—lt saves time in sending for the doctor—it la cheaper than the doctor, ana should never be dispensed with* In lifting the kettle from the fire, it tipped over and scalded my hands terrible. *■ * The Mustang Liniment extracted the pain, caused the sore to heal rapidly .and left very little scar. OHAS. FOSTER, 420 Broad Bt., Philo. Mr, 8. Litch, of Hyde Park, Vt., writes : “My horse was considered worthless, (spavin,) but since the use of the Mustang Liniment, I have sold him for $l6O. Your Liniment Is doing won ders up here. Ail genuine is wrapped in stool plate engra vings. signed, G. W. Westbrook, Chemist, and also has tho private U. 8. stamp of DEMAS BARNES & CO., over the top. Look closely iOnd be not deceived by Counterfeits. Bold by all Druggists, at 25, GO cts., and $l.OO. Saratoga Spring Water, sold by all Druggists It is a most delightful Hair Dressing. It eradicates sourf and dandruff. It keeps the head cool and clean. It mokes the hair rich, soft and glossy. It prevents hair turning gray and foiling off. It restores hair upon prematurely bold heads* This is Just what Lyon's Katbairon will do. It is pretty—it is cheap-durable. It is literally sold by tho car-load, ana yet its almost incredible de mand Is dally Increasing, until there is hardly a country store that does not keep It, or a family that does not nag It. E. THOMAS LYON, Chemist, N. Y. Saratoga Spring Water, sold by all Drngglsts Who wonld not be beautiful T Who would not add to their beauty? What gives that marble Sarity and distingue appearance we observe upon le stage and in the city belle! It is no longer a secret. They use Hagan's Magnolia Balm. Its continued use removes tan, freckles, pimples and roughness, from the face and hands, and leaves the complexion smooth, transparent, blooming and ravishing. Unlike many cosmetics, It con tains no material Injurious to the skin. Any Druggist will order It for yon, If not on hand, at 60 cents per bottle. - W. R HAGAN, Troy, N. Y., Chemist. Dbkas Barnes d Co., Wholesale Aets., N. Y. Saratoga Spring Water, sold by all Druggists Helmfitrect’s inimitable Hair Coloring Is not a dye.' AH instantaneous dyes are composed of lunar caustic, and more or less destroy.thO vltoll tVond'beanty of the‘hair. 1 This la-the original Hair 1 Coloring; and bos been growing .In lavor over twenty years;: It restores!gray;balr to Its original color by gradual absorption, in a most remarkable manner. Itis aiso.a beautiful hair -dressings 'Sold In. two alrca- 60 1 cents land <l~by oU dealers.' u ~.t 1 » ' O. HBIMBTREET. Chemist. -• Saratoga Spring Water, sold bv all Druggists Lyon's Extract of Perns Jamaica QnrGXß— for indigestion,Nausea-Heartburn,Sick Head ache Cholera Morbus, Flatulency, do,, Where a worming stimulant is required, » •. Its careful prep aration and entire purity make it.a cheap and reliable article for culinary purposes. Sold every where, at 60‘ cts por botUe. Ask -for ‘'Lyon's'* ‘Pure Extract. Tak** no other. ' 1 , Saratoga Bprinc \t atkb, sold by all Druggists,. For sale at Haters tlok’a and Hall ton’s Drug Stores, Carlisle. CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY, AUGUST A 1867. . Radical. THE STAMMERING WIFE. BY JOHN' G. BAXE. When deeply In love with Mias Emily Pryno, I vowed If the lady would only bo mine I would always ondoavor to please tier— She blushed her consent, though the stutter's lass Said never a word Except," you're an ass— An nss—an oss-lduous teaser 1" fiat when we were married, I found to mV ruth, The stammering lady had spoken the troth; For often, In obvious dudgeon. She'd say—if I ventured to give her a jog In the way of reproif—" You're a dog* dog-dog— A dog—a dog-matlc curmudgeon." And once when I said, ‘‘ wo can hardly afford This extravagant stylo with oar moderate hoard,'' And hinted we ought to be wiser. She looked, i assuro you, exceeding blue— And fretfully cried, “ You’re a Jew-Jow-Jow— A adviser." Again; lt happened that wishing to shirk Some rather Unpleasant and arduous work, I begged her to go to a neighbor. She wanted to know why I made such a fuss, And saucily said, “ You're a cqs— You were always nc-cus-tomod to labor t" Onto! temper at last with tho insolentdame, A feeling the woman was greatly to blame, To scold me Instead of caressing— I mimicked her speech—like a churl os I am—, And angrily said, 11 You’re a dam—darn—dam- A dam-age Instead of a blessing.” beirientato. JIM SEASON’S BBTENGE. BY JOHN TBAVEBS, I always like coming straight at things, so if I am going to tell what I know about this, I ask your leave to do it in my own way, for I’m a plain man with plain words, and have no knowledge of writ ing fine, so here goes: I was married to Susan Qatley on tho first of February in the year 1803, at.Bt. Paul’s Church, Hlghford street, which may be seen by looking at the writing in the books. Her father is in the. butcher ing line. He says to I asked Susan: “William,”;says he, “p’ course I have a liking for my little girl, and likes to see her well settled in life and happy, and I asks you as a man and a father, what’s your lookout?" “ Busan’s father,” says I, " X drive, as you know, on the Great Eastern that goes across the country, with £2OO a year and fuel, and I’ll take care of your Busan and be a kind and dutiful man to her.” "William,” says he, shaking my hand, with tears in his eyes that the bleating of all bis • lambs he's killed iff his day couldn’t bring; “ you can take her, and good luck to yer,.though since her moth er was throwed she’s been bite and sup to me, and ’Haven help but may she be the same to you,” Well, I was going away, feeling happy along of the ease with which things was working, when-he calls pae back, saying, “ William, I ain’t a wioious man, nor yet a backbiter, but I must say that, if you take Susan, you get an enemy along with her.” ; . “ Bho I” says I, taken quite aback. " Fact," says he j “ that Jim Nelson, has been hankering after my little girl, off and on; but she don't like him. No more do I: and no more do you. ' I nodded “ yes.” “ And he told me one night that he’d be an enemy to him that got Susan, with out 'twos himself.” “ Never you fear; I thought that it was them lawyers that might be driven of us apart,' 7 said 1, laughing hearty; but the old fellow shook his head in a doubtful style. Well we—that is Susan and I—were wedlocked, as they call it, gay and hap py as a marriage bell; and we were com ing out of the church, when up came Jim Nelson, white around, the mouth and nose, and he whispered tome, William Rogers, there's something betwixt you and me so long as you live, which won’t belong."' What he said quickly; and before I could get Susan's arm off, so as to give him a clip, Busan's pa, who was walking behind with-a white rose in his mouth, stepped up, and. being a strong man, he caught Jim by tne shoulders aad turned him round, and gave him one *with his boot. I think it was done weii, for he rolled down the steps and into a hole that the sexton was in, and that made it worse. I dldn't feel iike laughing, for it seemed unnatural; and that day was, to me. happy, and Iwanteditsoallaround.; and it felt as though my engine was run ning over the sleepers, instead of on the rails, when Jim got up out of the hole, all covered with dirt, and stood, as pule. as a ghost, shaking his fist at me and Su san, without speaking a word. I couldn't shake off the remembrance of it all that day nor the next, and a kind of dread stuck to me: in spite of all I could' do the thoughts of it would come suddenly to mein the oddest places, and I began to feel a little strange. It wasn't fear for me atoll, butl kept think ing, suppose that be should dosome barm to Susan when I was away on the road, or come and scare her with his white face. By George! thinks I to myself, I'd tie him on the track lengthwise and run over tfim if l thought he'd do that. I know it was a cruel thing to think of him who had done me no harm, but I was just so savage along of thinking of his wanting to come between me and my lawfhl Tyife. The next day I went on my route as usual, which was from Croydon to Pal lertou, just 103 miles. 1 drive the Nes tor with the express down In the morn ing and then back to Croydon again, starting at about 4 o’clock in the after noon; though that is not quite certain, as we have to wait for passengers by the boat, and that is kept back by storms and such like, though on tbo average the time doesn't vary more than fifteen minutes. ' ' In the winter time, as It was when this happened, of course it is dark as pitch when we run into Croydon, with out there's a moon: and I always look well at the head light and drive with my eyes wide open; and I generally let her go full, as the track is well cleared,of special trains at that time, and the way they have of telegraphing now-a-days, keeps me well posted about the track ahead by the signal lanterns along the route. Bo you see I felt pretty safe, and knowing I waa, a careful man, I didn't have much fear that I’d let any thing go that would show that Jim was going to get his revenge by doing me h harm on the road, or by spoiling my ra putation as an engineer. For, do you see, the Idea struck me that, knowing the road himself, and &U its workings, that Ihe might think it was easy to hurt me that way, and so I kept my eyes open. , 'phe next day I looked at Jim's nouso, which la about twenty miles out of Croy don, in the woods, and near the' track, and I saw him standing in the door Way, scowling at me, or, least ways, where he knew I was, for he knew my traih and habits, as we were chums once. He kept his eye on the'cab window, and as we got alhiostontof sight, I looked around sudden, and saw him shaking- his fist at the train. 1 Thinks I 'to myself when I saw that, William Rogers, you look sharp when you come oaok over this route to-night; men that have a spite that lives as strong as that; two days and two nights, ought to be looked after, and more than that, Busan said to me that morning when she was putting my din-, ner In the pall, says she, ,** William, dear"— ■ . ", “ Yes, Susan," says I, with my mouth full of bread. "William; would it make much diff erence If you came in .half an hour late to-night with the train?" r 41 No, Susan, perhaps .hot." You see I half knew what was coming. •' * "Because I’m afraid, almost, of some - thing; don't ask mo what it is, for I don’t! know myself. I feel it somehow, and want you to drive slow, and promise me, William dear, to look at the lanterns, and wheels, and things, Won’t you?” “Susan,’’ says I, kissing of her, "I’ll walk her all the way." And that was what I was. going to do. I made Collins, the firemen, mad as a March here making him go through the wheels twice with a hammer before we .started back from Pallorton that night. I , wontthrough the engine myself, examin ed the springs and levers, and had two extra men put on the brakes and an extra lantern fastened on theenglueln frontof the boiler. They all laughed at mo, but I kept on till I felt that things were ns they should be. When X was speaking of Jim Nelson's house in the woods, perhaps I ought to have said that he was a widower and had a little tot of a baby, and I noticed It ns X ran by that morning, playing round in the door-yard. I saw this so that that .which comes after may bo bettor under stood, Well, we started back at 4:20, that is, back to Croydon. It was storming ns I thought It never did before; the clouds rolling up black and the wind came down from the mountains cold and blus tering. I shut her all up tight and turned down the light In the cab so that I might see better bow things went out side. Pretty soon it came on to rain, mixed with hail, and the night came down blacker than before. I kept my hand on the lever and my eyes to the broad streak of light that lit up about two hundred yards of the track. I let her along easy at about twenty miles an hour, taking a look now and then at the oars and keep ing an eye on everything. We ran on steadily this way for two hours and lost fifteen minutes, and still everything was right. I kept my course, ns the danger commenced now if there was any at all. The storm and rain were worse than ever, and beat against us like mad, and blow the smoke and steam down over us so that I felt like stopping altogether, but of course this wouldn’t do. Wo kept on this way for another hour, feeling our way carefully. About twenty minutes after that I get off my seat to look at the oil cups and gtiage, when, quick as light ning, Collins, the fireman jerked my arm and shouted: “ Good God, there’s a child crawling on the track!” I shoved my lever back aud pulled the whistle valve short and quick, and opened the cab window aud jumped out on the engine,—in doing so, 1 thought after ward, I must have kicked-the lever back again. . At that moment what I saw made mo forget everything else, for sure enough, about two hundred feet In front of the engine, in the middle of the track was a little one, kneeling on its hands and knees, and without moving, but looking straight at the light of the lanterns. God help me, says I, seeing the poor thing must be killed if I didn’t help it, and I scrambled forward past the bailer and out on the cow-catcher. The wheels of the cars grated, but the engine was working harder than It bad. that night. I couldn’t stop to think why, and putting my feet between the bars, I caught hold of the shackle with my left hand and leaned forward over the track. X shut my teeth together tight and held on like death, knowing well that a slip of my hand or foot would end me. The poor cowering little thing crept away to one side, but was so scared that it had sunk down and was laying on its belly across the rail. “ God help It,” again, says I, bending low down, and I stuck my arm outstraight and stiff, with my band an inch from the track ; in an instant I shoved my hand under the body of the child, but pushed it along about five feet before I could close my hand on the dress, then I lifted it up over my head and put it on the platform behind me, and then, quick as may he, I followed, I felt a kina of weakness com ing over me. I took the baby in my arms, but was too weak to go back, so 1 sat there. The engine was going like light ning and the rain was beating in mine and the baby’s face, and the wheels was grinding and roaring, and afore heaven I never was so womanish along of any danger I have been in, as I was then, with the poor little thing, and its arms around my neck, and sobbing as if its heart would break. I was only there a minute, and was nearly fainting, when I beard a shouting louder than the storm and the noise of the engine, and I opened my eyes and saw the figure of a man about thirty yards in front of the engine. He stooped down, then jumped up with something large in bis bands, and threw it off the track; then he did it again and again. He worked quick and wild like, and Just before the engine reached him. he jumped off, and the glare of the lan tern fell on him at that instant, and showed a face which was pale round the lips and nose, such ns I had seen before. Well, I got back to the cab with the baby, and whistled the brakes oil', and ancl.went into Croydon thirty-five min utes before time. I told Susan all about it, and she took to the baby in fine style, and she and I sat by the fire that evening, talking and wondering over what had happened, when a knock came to the door, and I went to it and says, “ Who’s there?” “It’s me," says a voice, which was trembling as though the man was crying; “let me' in Rogers. I’m Jim Neison. I've got nothing agin’ you and Susan now, God knows." So I opened the door and he came in. staggering as if he was in liquor, and as white as snow. Then he looked around the room, and seeing the child In Susan's lap he ran to it, and kneeling down buried his face in*its clothes and sobbed and cried os I never saw a man before or 'sirtce. -After a while he got a little calmed; then he stood up, and turning round to me he says: V William Rogers, I meant to do you harm to-night; but you saved the little one for me., which is all I have to love in this big world- You took one away from me, and I thought to mend my breaking; but, William," he went on, “ I wasn't the old Jim Nelson, which is a true, man, and who is a speaking to you now, and so Tasks forgiveness of you and her." Then Susan and I shook hands with him, but we could not speak a word. Then Jim stooped down and took the baby into bis arms, and eays, as a last word to Susan and me; 11 God bless both of you for mans and wife,” says he, “ and may you always be happv."- i -Then turned and shut the door behind him and went out into the storm and rain—and I have never seen him since. Who is Safe. —God has never created a mind yet that can safely challenge com bat with the appetite. Earth has no'am bitlon that is not engulfed, no hope which is not blasted, no tie which is nob broken, no sanctuary which is not invaded, no friend, no kinsman, wife or child that is not forgotten; no fibre of human agony which Is not wrung. Minds of common mould will go through life without excess While those gifted with God-like powers are smitten with weakness. The gifted author of Childe Harold walked in fetters, and died at Misolongbi of a drunken de bauch. He who lea the prosecution in the British Parliament against Hastings, was hurried to the grave to escape the clutch of bis landlords. Poor Charley Fox! And the author of Oerirude of How the 11 Gentle EUa" wept over the habit that enthralled him—how these tragedies of human individual history—of tempta tion and fall—stalk before us! The his tory of the best minds of our land is dark ened, by these episodes of weakness and ruin. .. God gives to little seeds wings, and they flyaway on all the winds where He sends them; and wherever they alight they jgo right to work to make a tree and bear fruit. Shall not man be as faithful, as they, and shoot forth branches and bear fruit In any spot where God places him? DEAD BROKE. RY THE " FAT CONTKIHUTOU. Wo found a man seated on a curb stone, near the post office, last night, muttering to himscslf apparently, as there was no one else to.mutter to. Wofeltconstrain* ed to ask liim what ho was doing there? 4 Hain’t doin’ nothin’,’ was the reply. * Whefe do you belong ?’ ‘Don’t b’long nowhere, ahd nowhere don’t b’long to me,’ 4 Who are you ?’ 4 I’m Broke,’ ‘Well, suppose you are broke; you’ve got a name, haven't you? What Is it?’ 4 1 toll ye I’m broke—Delid Broke— that’s my name, and that’s my natur’.— My father was broke before me. If be hadn’t been, T wouldn’t bo Broke now— at least, not so bad. My mother was a Peaseley, but she wanted a husband, and she got Broke—that’s my dud—and Broke got me. I’ve been Broke ever since.’ For-a few moments the unhappy D, Broke buried bis face in his humis. and seemed lost in the most doleful reflections. Then raising his head, he exclaimed bit terly : 4 1 wish I bad been born a colt! ’ 4 Why do you wish you had been born a c6lt?’ 44 Because a colt ain’t broke until ho is two or three years old. I was Broke the moment I saw the light, and I never got over it. It is hard to be broke so young.’ 4 How did your parents come to call you Dead Broke?’ * Well, ye see, as soori as I was born something seemed to tell me that I had. got to be Broke all my life, unless I could get ray name changed by act of Legisla ture, and that, you know, would bo au impossibility.' ‘How an impossibility.’ ‘Are you such a blookliend as to sup pose that a man can get anything through the Legislature when he is broke P ‘ You are right. Go on. ’ ‘When the conviction forced itself up on my infant brain, confused as it was by receut experiences, that I must bo Broke all my life, I felt that there was nothing left to live for, and lost all consciousness at once. (I have found only a part of it since.) ‘He is dead!’ cried my mother, wring ing her hands. ‘ Yea,’groaned myfathor, ‘ dead broke!' 1 I revived, alas, but Dead Broke be came my name, and I have been dead broke ever since. ‘ My name has been fatal to me all through life. The smallest boy in school always broke rao in playing marbles. 1 broke more windows than any other boy In base bail. I always broke down at re citations, and had my head broke every day by tho schoolmaster. When I left school I went to clerk it for a broker.— One day there was a heavy deficit in Hie accounts. I was. afraid he might think that I had something to do with it—so I——X broke. They caught me though, I broke out.’ ‘ Out of jail?’ ‘ No d n it, broke out with the sma/l jjo.v P ‘ What did you do next?' ‘After the court had disposed of my case, I was allowed to go into the broker age business again.’ ‘ How was that ?' * 1 broke stone In the penitentiary, dog on it! After I got out I broke every thing. I broke my'promise, broke tire Sabbath, and broke the pledge. 1 ‘ Were you ever married.” ‘ Yes (sighing deeply), matrimony broke me up worse than anything else. My wife was a regular ripper. She broke up my furniture and the dishes, nearly broke my back with a flat-iron, and finally broke my heart.’ ‘ By running away?’ ‘ No, indeed, by sticking to me.’ ‘ You have had a hard time of it.’ ‘ All owing to my name. But bad as I dislike it, it’s mine; I came by It honest ly. You wouldn’t think any body else would want to be in my place, would ye? but there are thousands of imposters all over the country, trying to pass them selves off for me,' * In what way ?’ ‘When they tell their creditors they are ‘ Dead Broke.’ There was another pause, during which the unhappy possessor of an unfortunate name could be heard to sob. At length he broke out— ‘ It will be a simple and fitting inscrip tion for my tombstone, though.' ‘ What?' ‘ Dead Broke.' I.AJII. VI lIE THE “GREAT*’ KAKSO. It is a terrible thing to lie an excessive ly large man; and yet large men are sometimes men of genius. Wiim-.- Lu blueho, for instance, tbo great bass sing er. Ho was immense, both in.size and vocal music—how immense maybe gath ered from the following anecdote, told by an old associate: “Lablancho died at Naples on January 23, 1858, at the age of sixty-three, in the villa now inhabited by his son-ln-iaw, Thalberg. We shall never see his like again’. The Jove-like head, planted on a collbssal body, seemed the incarnation of every priestly attribute, when the grand old Druid Orevdso trod the stage. Who that ever saw or heard him can forgotthe majesty of his look and the thunder of his voice?"- Rossini, writing an account of the first light of “Puritana" in Paris, to a friend in Boulogne, naively declared it waaquito unnecessary for him to say anything about the duet “ Suono laTromba,” be tween Lablache and Tumburini, for ho was quite sure it must have been heard all over the country. There never was, and probably never will be again, in our time, such a marvelously toned bass voice as that of Lablache. In private life La blache was a most delightful companion, lull of anecdote and repartee. His power of facial expression was lemarkaMe. I have seen him- portray a coming storm, every phase of a tempest, and the return of fine weather, by the mere change of hia countenance—Grisi sitting opposite to the different phenomena. His traveling about was always a seri ous matter. No ordinary vehicle was safe to hold him. His enormous weight ren dered it necessary for his servants to take about a chair and bedding for his especial use. It was dlllicuit to find a carriage the doors of which wore large enough for him to pass. On one occasion the rehearsal at her Majesty’s Theatre terminating sooner than was expected,and beloreliisbrough ham had come to fetch him, a street cab was ordered. The cabman looked alarm ed when his form, issued from the stage door and showed the test which the ve hide had to undergo. " He'll never get in sir," said the man dispairingly to me as I was shaking hands with Lablache, who seemed also to have his doubts on the question. We approach ed the vehicle; the door waa opened wide. Sideways, frontways, backways, the prize basso tried to ellcct an entrance but In vain. Without assistance it was impossible. Two men went to the oppo site side and dragged with all their force, while two others did their utmost to lift him in. H It’s no go,” cried the cabman ruin my cab.” One more effort. A Jong pull, a strong push—a pull and a push together—the point was gained—Lablache inside, puff ing and blowing from the exertion. But the difficulty had not yet come to an end. Wishing to change his position (he had inadvertently tat down with his Wok to the horse) he rose, the whole of his'pro digious weight was upon a few slender boards, forming the bottom of the cab.— Imagine, the horror of the cabman, the astonishment of Lablache, and the sur prise of a largo crowd which had been at tracted by the terrible struggle that had been going on when the boards gave way, and his feet and legs wore seen standing In the road. The driver swore—Lablache grinned—the crowd roared. No scene In a pantomine was ever more ludicrous.— Fortunately Lablache sustained no injury. Had the horse moved, the consequence of the accident would have been serious.*- The same processor shaving and pulling, but reversed, was necessary to extricate him. Whether greater violence than at first was used or not; the door In this in stance was torn from Its hinges, and the cab (previously a good looking vehicle), now presented the most melancholy ap pearance of a complete wreck. The cab man uttered curses loud and deep, but was pacified by the assurance that the damage, should bo made good, and his loss of time remunerated. I do not tjiink the great, basso over again attempted to ride In a hackney coach. / “ YOUNG PAUGUS.” The “ old French War’’ was over. The banners of England had long streamed above the towers of Quebec. Tbo Indi ana had left the woods and lakes of New Hampshire, for the broarder waters and deeper forests of Canada and the West. Time had benumbed the iron sinews of tho rangers—untamable by any other enemy—or they weresieeping “each in bis narrow cell forever laid.” Where the red man once roamed after themoosc, prowled upon the scout, or lighted the council lire —now stood tho infant village and the peaceful neighborhood. The water-fall, at whose foaming foot tho Indian once darted his rude spear Into the salmon, or hooked the trout upon hl» curved bit of bone, now turned the wheel of the clum sy grist-mill, where tho jogging farmer brought his “ ryo and Indian,” over moor and hill, through bush and swamp, in safety. Tho congregations, as they gathered together “.at meeting,” no lon ger brought their charged guns to their house of worship or feared that the prayers of their ministers would be Inter rupted by tho war whoop—of Lovell’s men scarcely a survivor remained of the few thatlived through tho desperate light at Pigwacket. Chamberlain wxis yet alive. He bad long given over hunting, and peace had changed his war spear into an implement of'husbandry; of all his hunting and lighting gears nothing re mained to him but the gun that shot old Paugus at Lovell’s pond, and the bullet pouch and yellow powder horn, covered over with Indian devices, which were the spoil of the savage in tho terrible encoun ter. These he had preserved with an old man’s care. His cottage was tho centre of a considerable hamlet. A wild stream ran past it, and, a little way below tum bled down a fall, on which stood one of the rude saw mills of that day. Old Chamberlain, once tho swift hunter and proud warrior, was now its bumble own er, and more bumble tender. He bad survived his wife and children. Few of his neighbors ventured' to bo familiar with him on account of the atevu pecu liarity of his character, and he passed his days in solitude, excepting such associa tions as men had with him in his hum ble vocation. In the year, 1787, towards tho close of one of those fair days in autumn, which make up the “ Indian summer,” a num ber of the villagers of P had gathered into their one story tavern, to talk over tho affairs of the little public, os was their wont-when they were surprised and started by the entrance of a young Indi an among them. An Indian attbat time. had got to be a rarity in P . He was tall, over six feet, and finely formed after the fashion of the forest. He had a belt of wampum around his waist, and from it hung his tomahawk. A Jong gun was in his hand, and he stood in his inoccasins with'the grace and' dignity of a son of a chief. Replaced his gun behind thodoor, and silently took his seat by himself. A little before sunset, the fanners left the Inn and returned to their homes. One old hunter remained with the landlord and the young savage. The hunter eyed the Indian with keen attention—his sus picions were awakened at the sight of this warrior armed, so remote from the resi dence of the nearest tribe, and in a time of peace. He was acquainted with the Indian character in old wars, and his suspicions were heightened and confirmed, when ho heard the young chief ask the landlord in a low and indifleront tone, if one Chamberlain dwelt in the village? The ' landlord pointed out to him the mill wiiere ho dwelt. The Indian took his gun and went out. “Homo of the mood of old Puugus,” said the hunter, “ and I’ll venture my life, come to avenge the death of that old chief upon Chamberlain. I’ll give the old man warning.” He hastily stepped out and followed a winding footpath that led down to the saw, mill, where the old man was still at his foils. He reachd the mill and told Chamberlain, that young Pagns from Canada, hud come with liis rifle and tomahawk, to avenge upon him the death of thatchief. Cham berlain’s checks turned ashy pale, and he sternly replied, “tell young Puugus I have the gun that slew his father, and he had better return to the forest, than mo lest me in my old age," and as he spoke he pointed to the long gun, as it hung upon prongs of the moose horn, driven in the saw plate, and near it was suspen ded the bullet pouch and powder horn of Pigwucket. The hunter had given - his warning and retired. The sun was set ting at the house of Moosehillook.— Chamberlain took- down his - gun—tried its flint—charged it—took the pouch and the horn, flung tbeuf upon his side; hung up near the saw gate, the old garments ho had worn, at work that day, hoisted the gate of the mill and set it rapidly ago-’ lug, looking keenly around him in every direction, and retired loan eminence, a distant, crowned with a clump of thick bushes, and crouched down to await the approach of his mysterious enemy. He was not, however,’mysteri ous to Chamberlain. The old man re membered every trait of the Indian char acter, and calculated with great accuracy as to the time ami manner of young Pau gus. Just as it was growing too dusky 'to distinguish a human form except to wards the went, the old mau discerned him creeping cautiously from a bunco of bushes eight or ten rods above the mill by theaideof the torrent, with his cocked rifle before him and his hand upon the lock. The young savage heard the noise of the saw gate, and could discern its rap id motion, and shrunk back in the thicket. He came opt again a little dis tant from where die went in, and with the wary motions of the ambush, recoil uoltcrated the mill. Chamberlain eyed him all the while as the catamount eyes the fox. Young Pugus crept out of the ambush the third time, and in a new quarter, and was stealthily advancing, when something seemed to catch his eye in the form of his father’s slayer—he stop ped short—brought his rifle to his eye, ami with quick aim fired. The report rang Bharj> and low upon the still air. as if the gun itself was muffled, or afraid to speak above breath. Young Pugus crept out upon a mill log that extended over the rapid, and streached himself up to his full height, as if to ascertain, with out advancing, the success of his shot.— The old man could spare him no longer. He saw the well remembered form of the old Pickwacket chief, as the young sav ngestood against the sky of the west, which was still red with the rays of the sink ing sun. Ho levelled the fatal gun—it blazed—young Paugus leaped into the air six feet as the ball whistled through bis heart, and his lifeless body fell into the rapid that foamed below him, while his vengeful spirit fled, and mingled with that sterner one which parted long before at Lovell's pond in “ the land where their fathers had gone.” Chamberlain returned slowly and gloomily to his cottage. The next morn ing, a bullet hole through the centre of the old garment he hud hung on the saw gate, admonished him, that the aim as well as the vengeance of old Paugus, had descended to his sons, and as he mused upon those ho had slain, and reflected that, although he was old, he might have again to lift his gun against the blood of Paugus, or hiihself fall by tbelravengiug hand—he wished bitterly that some other bullet than his own had slain that re nowned Indian, and that they had never met to quench their battle thirst and scourout their foul guns, upon the beach of Lovell's pond. “ he’ll YOL. 54.—N0. 10, A schoolmistress, while taking down the name and ages of her pupils, and of their parents, at the beginning of the term asked one little fellow: "What's your father’s name?" 44 O, you needu’t take down his name; he’s too old to go to school to a woman," was the iunoceufcre ply. Old Dr. A , was a quack, aud a very Ignorant one. On one occasion he was called by mistake, to attend a coun cil of physicians in a critical case. After considerable discussion, the opinion was expressed by one that the patient was convalescent. When It came to Dr. A ’s turn to speak: “ Convalescent /” said ho ; “ Why that’s nothing serious, iliave cured Convalescence in twenty-four hours!” A young couple went to the Rev. Paul Davis to get married. Mr, D. Is some thing of a wag, aud by au Innocent mis stakc, of course, began to read ftom the prayer hook as follows: “Man that is born of a woman is full of trouble, and hath but a short time to Sus. The astonished bridegroom exclaimed, “ Sir, you mistake ; we came to be married.” •• Well, replied Davis, if you insist, I will marry vnu, but you had much better be buried?” A soLDrEK of the West, during the lata war, being oft’ duty, was engaged by a landlord to dig a patch of potatoes, on con dition that ho should be furnished with a bottle of whiskey to begin with. The landlord accordingly took him to tbefleld. showed him the patch, and left him a full bottle of his favorite beverage. About an hour afterward the landlord went to sea how the sou of Mars progressed In his bu siness of farming. He found him holding to an old stump, unable (o stand without it, ids bottle lying empty at his feet, and no potatoes dug. Being quite exasperat ed, tlie landlord exclaimed : " Hallow I you scoundrel I Is this the way you dig my potatoes for me? “Hal” says (be soldier, lapping his tongue, staggering half round, squinting aud hiccuplng; “ If you want your pota toes dug fetch ’em on—for—l’llbe hanged if I’m going to run round the lot after ’em.” Recently a clergyman was preaching in Belfast when a young man In the con gregation, getting weary of the sermon, looked at bis watch. lust as be was in the act of examining bis lime piece for the fourth or fifth time, the pastor with great earnestness, was urging the truth upon the consciences of bis hearers. “ Young man,” said he, “ how is it with you 7” Whereupon the youngman with the gold repeater bawled out, in bearing of nearly all thecongregatlon, “ A quarter past eight.” As may be supposed, the gravity of the assembly was much dis turbed for a time. tidies for ’ ADVERxisrorarra will be Inserted at Tea Uenv per lino for the first Insertion, and five corn* per lino for each subsequent Insertion. (Quar terly, half-yearly, and yearly advertisements k< sorted at a liberal red action-on the above raUt Advertisements should be accompanied by tk« Cash. When sent without any length of iimi specified for publication, they will be continue* until ordered out and charged accordingly. JOB PRINTING. cards, HAKDBIZ.IA, CiRCtrLABa/ahd evfcr> oth er description of Job and Card Printing execu ted la tbo neatest stylo, at low prices. ODDS AND ENDS; An evil habit is never conquered by yielding to it A cheating grocer should roforni h!4 weighs. What moat resembles a pretty klrl bathing ? A diving bell (o,> When Is a storm Hkft a fish after a hook ? When it ia goingto abate. Hum is rather good In its place, and hell ia the place for it Why ia the country winter like tho Black Crook; Because therearoso many bare limbs to be seen. When Is a tombstone like a rush-light? When it is set up for a Ihte husband. Why is a dishonest bankrupt like an honest poor man ? Because both fail to get rich. Three centuries ago tho average dura tion of life was 21 years; now it is over 45 years. Let’s keep on. . To ascertain the number of children in a street—beat a big drum. To ascertain tbo number of loafers—-start a dog fight. A woman is not fit to have a baby who doesn’t know how to bold it; and this is as true of u tongue oa of a baby. Why is Hiram Powers the meanest of men ? Because he chiseled a poor Greek slave out of a piece of marble. Carlyle, in his advice to young men, says: “If you doubt whether to kiss a pretty girl, give her the benefit of the doubt.” No ono has ever been so good and so great, or has been raised so high, as to be above tho reach of troubles. Let us carefully observe those good qualities wherein our enemies excel us, and endeavor to excel them by avoiding what is faulty, and Imitating what la ex cellent in them. An editor, referring to patent metalio air-tight coffins, says: •“No person hav ing onco tried on© of these coffins will ever uso any other. ” “When was Rome built?” inquired a school inspector. *• In the night,” said he, “How do you make that out?” “ Why, sir, you know Rotoo wasn’t built in a day,” The Scripture says “tho glory of a woman is her hair,’? but it nowhere says that tho glory of any woman is any oth er woman’s hair. A sweet young lady says that males aro of no account from the time the ladles stop kissing them as infanta till they commence kissing them as lovers. •* Isn’t it pleasant to be surrounded by so many ladles?” said a pretty woman to a popular lecturer. “Yes,” said he, “but it would be pleasanter to bo sur rounded by one,” A Boston wit. defining the difference between an accident and a misfortune, says: “If Wendell Phillips should fall into tho river, it would bo &u accident. If he should ever get out again, it would be a misfortune.” At a Fourth of July celebration In Ma rion county, 111., a young lady offered the following toast: “Theyoung men of America—Their arms our support, our arms their reward; fall In, men, tall ln. M “ MoTHEBj can I go and have my pho tograph taken?” “No; it isn’t worth while.” “Weil, then, you might let me go and have a tooth pulled—l never go anywhere.” “ There’s our Jeremiah,” sold Mr. 8., “ he went off to get his living by his wits.” “Well, dirt he succeed?” in quired his friend. “ No.” said the old man, tapping hia forehead, 41 ho failed for want of capital.” An afflicted editor who is troubled with hand-organs under his window, longs for the “evil days” mentioned in Ecclesi astes, when tr tbe grinders shall cease be cause they are few "and “tho sound of grinding” shall bo “low.” A Jew was observed noticing very in tently a prodigiously fine ham. “ what are you saying to that ham, Mr. Jacobs?” “ I was saying to it, 41 thou almost per suadest mo to be a Christian.’ ” , Once at a coronation seen®, a person who was impressed with the majesty of human sovereignty, said to a gentleman beside him: “Our emperor is very great." Thegentleman replied, "But Goals great er." “ Yes," said the sycophant, but the emperor is youngyet." It should be borne In mind that much of what a man tells you in the hour of af fliction, in sudden anger or In any out pouring of the heartshould be secret. In his craving for sympathy, he has spoken to you os his own soul. A constable in Massachusetts, the land of education and grand moral ideas wrote the following notice: “ I wyll xpose fr sail the 5 day 1806 of Jan won lythe rone hors, or so much tharof as ma be necessary to satisfi. sed gugment." Ho was troubled with a bad spell, An eccentric man in Bath, Me., wo* asked to aid a foreign mission. He gave uquarterof a dollar, but stopped the agent as he was departing, and said—“ here’® a dollar to pay the expense of getting tb® quarter to the. heathen."
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers