I
I
El
|€ljc American Volunteer.
s
s
ptmrJflHED EVERY THURSDAY MORNING
BY
BRATTON Sc KENNEDY.
OFFICE—SOUTH MARKET SQUARE.
Terms Two Dollars per year If pald-strlotly
m advance; Two Dollars and Fifty Cents If paid
within throe months; after which Three Dollars
will bo charged. These terms will be rigidly ad
hered to In every instance* No subscription dis
continued until all arrearages are paid, unless at
the option of the Editor.
professional (Sartos.
Ijnited States claim
AND
BEAL ESTATE AGENCY!
WM. B. SUTLER,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Office In 2d Story of InhofTs Building, No. 3 South
Hartovor Street, Carlisle, Cumberland county,
Pensions, Bounties, Back Pay, Ac., promptly
Applications by mail, will receive immediate
attention giuen to tbe Bolling or rent
ing of Real Estate, in town or country. In all let
ters of inquiry, please enclose postage stamp.
Jnly 11,1807—tf
T M WEAKLEY, Attorney atLaw.
VI . Office on South Hanover street. In the room
formerly occupied by A. B. Sharpe. Esq.
T7l E. BELTZHOOVEB, Attorney
JJ # and Counselor at Law, Carl Isle, Penna.
Office on South Hanover street, opposite Bentz’s
Store. By special arrangement with the Patent
Office, attends to securing Patent Rights.
Dec. 1, 1805.
CHAS. E. MAGLAUGHLIN, Attor
ney at Law. Office in Building formerly
occupied by Volunteer, a few doors South of Han
non’s Hotel.
Deo. 1,1805..
TOHN. C. .GRAHAM, Attorney at
• I LAW. Office formerly occupied by Judge
Graham, South Hanover street, Carlisle, Penna.
Deo. 1,186&— ly.
MG. HERMAN, Attorney at Law.
• Office In Rhcem’a Hall Building, in the
rear of-the Court House, next door to the “Her
ald” Office, Carlisle, Penna.
Deo. 1,18(55.
WT F. SADLER, Attorney at Law,
VV • Carlisle, Ponna. Office in Building for
merly occupied by Volunteer, South Hanover
street.
Deo. 1, 1805.
ATT KENNEDY Attorney at Law,
VV • Carnt»»e. Ponna. Office same os that ot
the ‘‘American-Volunteer,” South side of the Pub
lic Square. - .
Dec. 1. 1805.
JOHN LEE, Attorney at Law,
North Hanover Street, Carlisle, Pa,,
r cb. 15,1800—1 y.
TAMES A. DUNBAR. Attorney at
m Law. Carlisle, Ponna, Office a few doors
west of Hannon’s Hotel,
Dec. 1,1805.
DR. J. R. BIXLER offers bis profes
i sional services to the citizens of Carlisle and
vicinity.
Office on Main street, opposite the Jail, In the
room lately occupied by L. Todd, Esq. „
April 11,1807—ly
DR. GEORGE S. BEARIGHT, Den
tist. From ' tfie Baltimore College oj Dental
mrgcry. Office at the residence of nis mother,
East Leather Street,’three doors below Bedford,
Carlisle, Penna.
Doc. 1,1805.
Utg (SooXrs.
3.867/ BPRING! 1867.
BAR OjLJJVS
Now opening in
DOMESTIC GOODS,
DRESS GOODS,
OASSIMERES, SATTINETTS AND J BANS,
WHITE GOODS,
DRESS TRIMMINGS.
ZEPHYRS,
RIBBONS AND NOTIONS
AT
RING’S NEW STORE,
NO. 55 WEST MAIN STREET,
Opposite the Mansion House,
Next door to the Post Office, Carlisle.
April 18,1807.
OUT DRY GOODS MEN I
TO THE PUBLIC .
I have Just returned from the East with my
Spring Stock, and as usual. 1 am selling Goods a
little cheaper than any other Dry Goods House
In town. Ido not think It necessary to occupy a
column of newspaper to endeavor to keep up my
reputation for selling Cheap Goods, nor do I
Wish to resort to any other clap-trap to gull the
public. All I oak of them is to call and examine
ror themselves, and U not satisQed with the pri
ces, not to buy. Remember the stand, No. 32
North Hanover street, next door to Dr. Kleilor's,
and MUlor & Bowers’ Hardware store. -
WM. A. MILES.
P. S. I will say nothing about my third and
fourth grand openings.
April 18,1897.
628 & 00V SKIRTS. 628.
NEW SPRING STYLES.
“OUR OWN MAKE.”
mbracing every Now and Desirable size, style
and Shape of Plain ond Trail Hoop Skirts,—2,
2 1-4,2 U. 2 3-4,8 1-4,81-2.3 8-4 ond 4 Yds., round
every length and size Waist; In every respect
Fitst Quality, and especially adapted to meet
the wants oft First Class and most fashionable
Trade.
*• Oar Own Make,” of Hoop Skirts, are lighter,
more elastic; more durable, and really diaper
than any other make of either Single or Double
Spring Skirt In the American Market. They are
Warranted In every respect, and wherever Intro
duced give universal satisfaction. They are now
being extensively Bold by Retailers, and every
Lady should try them.
Ask lor Hopkih's Own Make,** and see that
each Skirt Is Stamped “ W.T. HOPKINtS MANU
FACTURER, 628 Arch Street, Philadelphia.”—
No others are Genuine A Catalogue containing
Style, Size and Retail Prices, seat to any address.
A Uniform and Liberal Discount allowed to Deal
ers. Orders by mail or otherwise, promptly and
carefully fillet!—Wholesale and Retail, at Manu
factory and Sales-rooms. » _
No. 628 ARCH Street. PHILADELPHIA.
Skirts mode to order, altered and repaired.
Terms, Not Cosh, One Price Only. *
WILLIAM T. HOPKINS.
April 18.1807—10 m.
Q.REAT
WATCH' SALEI
. 2000 WATCHES, Patent Lover Movements, full
Jewelled, Hunting Cases, Sterling Silver, Beauti
fully Engraved and in every respect first class
Timers. To be sold at six dollars each, being less
than throe-fourths the coat of manufacturing.—
These watches are retailed by Jewelers at from
JIB to 818, the actual cost to the manufacturer being
89 each. This stock of watches was purchased at a
Bankrupt Sale In London, and are now oflTered at
such extremely low figures, that all may possess
a correct Time-keeper at a merely nominal sum.
Every watch warranted for 2 years. Parties or
dering them sent by mall, must enclose 80 cents
extra to repay postage. Money enclosed in a
well scaled letter mayho sent at my risk.
Address all orders to
MARLIN CONNOR,
Albany, n. y
May 10,1807—1 y
E .Conrman. Dn. c. M, ■Worthington.
JjJEW DRUG STORE.
The subscribers have opened a now
DRUG AND CHEMICAL STORE,
2Vo. 7, East Main Street, Oarlisle,
where they have Just received a largo and fresh
apply of the very best
DRUGS AND MEDICINES
to be found in the City Markets, to which they
Invito the attention of the public.
Also, a large variety of
PERFUMERY AND FANCY ARTICLES,
Dye Stuffs, and ail the various Patent Medicines.
All Drugs and Medicines warranted pare.
, o®* Prescriptions carefully compounded.
CORNMAN d WORTHINGTON.
. April 25,18 G
PLAIN and FANCY PRINTING of
JL every description neatly executed at the
VOLTOTBKB 02106,*
Ihf American toolnqteer
BY BRATTON & KENNEDY.
Ifteal ISstatc.
ESTATE FOR SALE!!
W. J. SHEARER,
\ ATTORNEY AT LAW,
AND AGENT FOR THE SALE OF
Cumberland Co. Real Estate,
OFFERS THE FOLLOWING VALUABLE
REAL ESTATE FOR SALE
AT REASONABLE PRICES
IN TUB BOROUGH OR CARLISLE.
No. 1. SIX of the finest BUILDING LOTS In the
Borough, on South Hanover Street.
No. X The six most elevated BUILDING LOTS
in the Borough, situated at the head of South St.
IN TUB COUNTRY.
No. 8. A TRACT OF THIRTY-SIX ACRES,
with small but comfortable BRICK DWELLING
HOUSE, Frame Stable, Ac., and a young and
thriving Orchard of CHOICE FRUIT, situate on
the Railroad, in North Middleton twp., West, and
within a mlio of, the Borough of Carlisle. This
property as n HOMESTEAD and for general or
Track Farming, is the most desirable tract of its
size to bo found anywhere in the vicinity of
.Carlisle.
The certain extension, of the town West
ward, partly consoquflht upon the improve
ments made and contemplated by the Railroad
Company in that direction, drawing, as they
necessarily will, nearly the whole trade of the
town to that end, will very greatly enhance the
value of this land to the future owner, for any
purpose whatever, rendering It a sgfo and profit
able investment.
Fob. 28,1800.
&c.
B. EWING,
A.
CABINET MAKER
AND’UNDERTAKER,
WEST MAIN STREET,
CARLISLE, PENN’A.
A SpLNFDiD Assortment of
NEW FURNITURE
for the Holidays, comprising
Sofas, Camp Stools,
Lounges, Centre Tables,
Rocking Chairs, Dining Tables,
Easy Chairs, Card Tables,
Reception Chairs, Ottomans,
Bureaus, What-Nots,
Secretaries, &c., <&c.,
Parlor,
Chamber,
Dining Room,
* Kitchen
’M • and Office
FURNITURE,
of the Latest Styles,
COTTAGE FURNITURE IN SETTS,
Splendid Now Patterns.
BEDSTEADS AND MATTRESSES,
GILT FRAMES AND PICTURES,
In great variety.
Particular attention given to F(morals. Orders
from town and country attended to promptly
and on reasonable terms.
Dec. 48,1808—tf
Q A B I N E T FAB EEOBBE
TOWN AND COUNTRY.
The subscriber respectfully informs bis friends
and the public generally, that he still continues
the Undertaking business, and is ready to wait
upon customers either by day or by nlgnt. Ready
made Coffins kept constantly on hand, both
Elaln and ornamental. He has constantly on
and Fisk's Patent Metalio Buriat Case, of which
he has been appointed the sole agent. This case
is recommended as superior to any of the kind
now in use, it being perfectly air tight.
He has also furnished himself with u now Rose
wood Hearse and gentle horses, with which he
will attend funerals in town and country, per
sonally, without extra charge.
Among the greatest discoveries of the age Is
Weß’a Spring Mattrass, the best and cheapest bod
now in use, the exclusive right of which I have
secured, and will bo kept constantly on hand,
CABINET MAKING,
In all Its various branches, carried on, and Beau*
reaus, Secretaries, Work-stands. Parlor Ware,
Upholstered Choirs, Bofus, Pier, Side and Centre
Tables, Dining and - Breakfast Tables, Wash
stands of all kinds, French Bedsteads, high and
-lowposts: Jenny Lind and Cottage Bedsteads,
Chairs of all kinds, Looking Glosses, and all
other articles usually manufactured in this line
of business, kept constantly on band.
His workmen are men of experience, his ma
terial the best, and hls work made in the latest
city stylo, and all under his own supervision. It
wifi be warranted and sold low for cosh.
He Invites all to give him a call before purchas
ing elsewhere. For the liberal patronage hero
toare extended to him he feels indebted to tils
numerous customers, and assures them that no
efforts will bo spared iu future to please them in
style and price. Give us a call.
Remember the place, North Hanover street,
nearly opposite the Deposit Bank, Carlisle.
DAVID SIPE.
Dec. 1,1805.
piPER.’S
BOOK AND FANCY STORE,
AND GENERAL NEWS DEPOT,
83 WEST MAIN STREET,
CARLISLE, PA.
A fine assortment of Goods on hand,swob as
Writing Desks,
Port Folios,
Ladles Companions,
Work Boxes,
Satchels,
Ladles’ Parses,
Pocket Books,
Segor Cases,
* Card Caaei#|
Gold Pens,
Pen Knives,
• «fec„ &c.
A LARGE SUPPLY OF
FAMILY BIBLES
and PHOTOGRAPHIC ALBUMS,
AT REDUCED PRICES.
DIARIES FOR 1867. .
Subscriptions received for all Magazines, Fash
ion Books, Papers, &0., at publishers prices. You
save postage and always sure of receiving your
Magazines by subscribing at Piper’s.
Special attention is paid to keeping always on
hand a supply of
SCHOOL BOOKS,
for town and country schools.
Books and Music ordered when desired.
May 23,1807-tf
Jg BALE’S
(LATE POWELL’S) EMBROCATION,
For all 'Disease* incident to Horses, Cattle, and the
Human Flesh, requiring the use oj an external appli
cation. . . ...
This now Compound, prepared by a practical
Chemist having a full knowledge of all tue medi
cal virtues of each ingredient that enters into its
composition, is warranted to exceed anything of
the kind over yet offered to the public as an ex
ternal application for the diseases which it la rec
ommended. We are satisfied that it will work
its own road into the confidence of all who use
it, and those who try it onco will never bo with
out it, and therefore we rely on experience as the
best test of its usefulness. It Is pronounced by
Farriers, and oil who have tried it to be the best
application ever used. This Embrocation has
been put up for over eight years, and it is only
through the increasing demand and argent re
quest of ray friends ana the nublio that I send it
forth as the grand remedial agent for the various
diseases to which that noble and useful animal,
the horse, Is subject. _
Many remedies have been offered to the pub
lic under different forms, some of these are Inj a
rious, others at best of little use, and many whol
ly improper to answer the pnroposea for which
they are recommended.
A Judicious and really useful composition,'free
from these objections, has tbevefore long been de
sired by many gentlemen who have valuable hor
ses, and are unwilling to trust them to the core of
designing and protended Farriers. Their wishes
are at length rally gratified by Dr. Boole being
K 'ailed upon to allow this valuable Embroca
(whlch has proved so efficacious to the vari
ous diseases) to be prepared and brought out to ■
tho public. \ ;
This Embrocation was extensively used by the.
Government during the war. |
Address all Orders to
DU, EDMOND BEALE.! f
CO2 South Second Street, Philadelphia, Pd,
For sale at the Drug Stores of Cornman d
Worthington, Bast Main St. cot, and D. Ralston,
South Hanover Street, Carlisle.
April U. 18(57
pHOTOGBAPHS
FOB THE MILLIONI
I will send, post-paid, 50 Photographs of the
most celebrated Actors for 00 cents; 60 Actresses
for GO cents: 50 Union Generals for 60 cents; 50
Rebel Generals for 60 cents; 60 Statesmen for 60
cents: 60 beautiful young Ladles for 50 cents; 60
line-looking young Gentlemen for GO cents; o
largo Photographs of French Dancing Girls, in
costume, beautifully colored, exactly as they ap
pear, for 50 cents; or for 50 cents,Oof the most
beautiful Ladies of the Parisian BalietTroupo, as
they appear In the play of the Black Crdok, at
Nimo's Garden, New York.
Bend all orders to P. O. Box 177, Troy, N. Y -
May 18,1807—1 y
Jffiletotcal
S _ "Cl
4GUA BE MAGNOLIA.
ollot delight. Superior to any cologne, used
to bathe the face and person, to render the skin
soft and fresh, to allay inflomation, to perfume
clothing, for headache, &o. It is manufactured
from the rich Southern Magnolia, and Is obtain
ing a patronage quite unprecedented. It is a fa
vorite with actresses and opera singers. It is
* L(JOin largo bottles, and by
DEMAS BARNES & CO., New York, Wholesale
Agents.
Saratoga Spring Water, sold by all Druggists.
8. T.—lBoo—X.
Persons of sedentary habits troubled with
weakness, lassitude, palpitation of the heart, lack
ofappetlte, distress alter eating, torpid liver, con
stipation, &0.. deserve to sulTer if they will not
try the celebrated PLANTATION BITTERS,
which are now recommended by the highest
medical authorities, and warranted to produce
on immediate beneficial effect. They are exceed
ingly agreeable, perfectly pure, and must super
sede all other tonics where a healthy, gentle
stimulant is required.
They purify, strengthen and invigorate.
They oreato a healthy appetite.
They are.ah antidote to change of water and
diet.
They strengthen the system and enliven the
mind. .
They prevent miasmatic and intermittent fe
vers.
purify the breoth and acidity of thestom-
Thoy cure Dyspepsia and Constipation.
They cure Uvor Complaint and&ervous Head
ache
They make the weak strong, the .languid bril
liant, and are exhausted nature’s great restorer.
They are composed of the celebrated Callsaya
bark, wlntergreen, sassafras, roots and herbs, all
preserved In perfectly pure Bt. Croix rum. For
particulars, see circulars and testimonials around
each bottle.
Beware of Impostors. Examine ©very bottle.
Bee that It hgs our private U. S. stamp nnmntlla
ted over the cork, with plantation scone, and our
signature on a lino steel plate side label. See
that our bottle Is not refilled with spurious and
deleterious stuff. Any person pretending to sell
Plantation Bitters by the gallon or in balk, is an
impostor. »Any person Imitating this bottle, or
selling any other material therein, whether call
ed Flantation.Bitters or not, is a criminal under
the U. S. Law. and will be so prosecuted by us.—
The demand for Drake’s Plantation Bitters, from
ladles, clergymen, merchants, do., is incredible.
The simple trial of a bottle is the evidence we
present of their worth antj superiority. They
are sold hy all respectable druggists, grocers,
physicians, hotels, saloons, steamboats and coun
try stores.
„ P. H. DRAKE & CO.
Saratoga Spuing Water, sold by nil Druggists
Have you a hurt child or a lame hone ? Use
the Mexican Mustang Liniment.
For oats, sprains burns, swellings and coked
breasts, the Mexican Mustang Liniment Js a cer
tain cure. -
' For rheumatism, neuralgia, stiff joints, stings
and bites, there Is nothing like the Mexican
Mustang Liniment.
For spavined horses, the poll-evil, ringbone and
sweeny, the Mexican Mustang Liniment never
falls. •
For wind-gallb, scratches, big-head and splint,
the Mexican Mustang Liniment is worth Its
weight in gold.
Cats, bruises, sprains and swellings, are so
common and certain . to occur In every family,
that a bottle of this Liniment is the best invest
ment that con be made.
It Is more certain than tho doctor—lt saves
time in sending for the doctor—it la cheaper than
the doctor, ana should never be dispensed with*
In lifting the kettle from the fire, it tipped over
and scalded my hands terrible. *■ * The
Mustang Liniment extracted the pain, caused
the sore to heal rapidly .and left very little scar.
OHAS. FOSTER, 420 Broad Bt., Philo.
Mr, 8. Litch, of Hyde Park, Vt., writes : “My
horse was considered worthless, (spavin,) but
since the use of the Mustang Liniment, I have
sold him for $l6O. Your Liniment Is doing won
ders up here.
Ail genuine is wrapped in stool plate engra
vings. signed, G. W. Westbrook, Chemist, and
also has tho private U. 8. stamp of DEMAS
BARNES & CO., over the top.
Look closely iOnd be not deceived by Counterfeits.
Bold by all Druggists, at 25, GO cts., and $l.OO.
Saratoga Spring Water, sold by all Druggists
It is a most delightful Hair Dressing.
It eradicates sourf and dandruff.
It keeps the head cool and clean.
It mokes the hair rich, soft and glossy.
It prevents hair turning gray and foiling off.
It restores hair upon prematurely bold heads*
This is Just what Lyon's Katbairon will do. It
is pretty—it is cheap-durable. It is literally sold
by tho car-load, ana yet its almost incredible de
mand Is dally Increasing, until there is hardly a
country store that does not keep It, or a family
that does not nag It.
E. THOMAS LYON, Chemist, N. Y.
Saratoga Spring Water, sold by all Drngglsts
Who wonld not be beautiful T Who would not
add to their beauty? What gives that marble
Sarity and distingue appearance we observe upon
le stage and in the city belle! It is no longer a
secret. They use Hagan's Magnolia Balm. Its
continued use removes tan, freckles, pimples and
roughness, from the face and hands, and leaves
the complexion smooth, transparent, blooming
and ravishing. Unlike many cosmetics, It con
tains no material Injurious to the skin. Any
Druggist will order It for yon, If not on hand, at
60 cents per bottle.
- W. R HAGAN, Troy, N. Y., Chemist.
Dbkas Barnes d Co., Wholesale Aets., N. Y.
Saratoga Spring Water, sold by all Druggists
Helmfitrect’s inimitable Hair Coloring Is not a
dye.' AH instantaneous dyes are composed of
lunar caustic, and more or less destroy.thO vltoll
tVond'beanty of the‘hair. 1 This la-the original
Hair 1 Coloring; and bos been growing .In lavor
over twenty years;: It restores!gray;balr to Its
original color by gradual absorption, in a most
remarkable manner. Itis aiso.a beautiful hair
-dressings 'Sold In. two alrca- 60 1 cents land <l~by
oU dealers.' u ~.t 1 » '
O. HBIMBTREET. Chemist. -•
Saratoga Spring Water, sold bv all Druggists
Lyon's Extract of Perns Jamaica QnrGXß—
for indigestion,Nausea-Heartburn,Sick Head
ache Cholera Morbus, Flatulency, do,, Where a
worming stimulant is required, » •. Its careful prep
aration and entire purity make it.a cheap and
reliable article for culinary purposes. Sold every
where, at 60‘ cts por botUe. Ask -for ‘'Lyon's'*
‘Pure Extract. Tak** no other. ' 1 ,
Saratoga Bprinc \t atkb, sold by all Druggists,.
For sale at Haters tlok’a and Hall ton’s Drug
Stores, Carlisle.
CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY, AUGUST A 1867.
. Radical.
THE STAMMERING WIFE.
BY JOHN' G. BAXE.
When deeply In love with Mias Emily Pryno,
I vowed If the lady would only bo mine
I would always ondoavor to please tier—
She blushed her consent, though the stutter's lass
Said never a word Except," you're an ass—
An nss—an oss-lduous teaser 1"
fiat when we were married, I found to mV ruth,
The stammering lady had spoken the troth;
For often, In obvious dudgeon.
She'd say—if I ventured to give her a jog
In the way of reproif—" You're a dog* dog-dog—
A dog—a dog-matlc curmudgeon."
And once when I said, ‘‘ wo can hardly afford
This extravagant stylo with oar moderate hoard,''
And hinted we ought to be wiser.
She looked, i assuro you, exceeding blue—
And fretfully cried, “ You’re a Jew-Jow-Jow—
A adviser."
Again; lt happened that wishing to shirk
Some rather Unpleasant and arduous work,
I begged her to go to a neighbor.
She wanted to know why I made such a fuss,
And saucily said, “ You're a cqs—
You were always nc-cus-tomod to labor t"
Onto! temper at last with tho insolentdame,
A feeling the woman was greatly to blame,
To scold me Instead of caressing—
I mimicked her speech—like a churl os I am—,
And angrily said, 11 You’re a dam—darn—dam-
A dam-age Instead of a blessing.”
beirientato.
JIM SEASON’S BBTENGE.
BY JOHN TBAVEBS,
I always like coming straight at things,
so if I am going to tell what I know
about this, I ask your leave to do it in my
own way, for I’m a plain man with plain
words, and have no knowledge of writ
ing fine, so here goes:
I was married to Susan Qatley on tho
first of February in the year 1803, at.Bt.
Paul’s Church, Hlghford street, which
may be seen by looking at the writing in
the books. Her father is in the. butcher
ing line. He says to I asked
Susan: “William,”;says he, “p’ course
I have a liking for my little girl, and
likes to see her well settled in life and
happy, and I asks you as a man and a
father, what’s your lookout?"
“ Busan’s father,” says I, " X drive, as
you know, on the Great Eastern that
goes across the country, with £2OO a year
and fuel, and I’ll take care of your Busan
and be a kind and dutiful man to her.”
"William,” says he, shaking my hand,
with tears in his eyes that the bleating of
all bis • lambs he's killed iff his day
couldn’t bring; “ you can take her, and
good luck to yer,.though since her moth
er was throwed she’s been bite and sup
to me, and ’Haven help but may she be
the same to you,”
Well, I was going away, feeling happy
along of the ease with which things was
working, when-he calls pae back, saying,
“ William, I ain’t a wioious man, nor
yet a backbiter, but I must say that, if
you take Susan, you get an enemy along
with her.” ; .
“ Bho I” says I, taken quite aback.
" Fact," says he j “ that Jim Nelson,
has been hankering after my little girl,
off and on; but she don't like him. No
more do I: and no more do you. '
I nodded “ yes.”
“ And he told me one night that he’d
be an enemy to him that got Susan, with
out 'twos himself.”
“ Never you fear; I thought that it was
them lawyers that might be driven of us
apart,' 7 said 1, laughing hearty; but the
old fellow shook his head in a doubtful
style.
Well we—that is Susan and I—were
wedlocked, as they call it, gay and hap
py as a marriage bell; and we were com
ing out of the church, when up came Jim
Nelson, white around, the mouth and
nose, and he whispered tome, William
Rogers, there's something betwixt you
and me so long as you live, which won’t
belong."'
What he said quickly; and before I
could get Susan's arm off, so as to give
him a clip, Busan's pa, who was walking
behind with-a white rose in his mouth,
stepped up, and. being a strong man, he
caught Jim by tne shoulders aad turned
him round, and gave him one *with his
boot. I think it was done weii, for he
rolled down the steps and into a hole that
the sexton was in, and that made it
worse. I dldn't feel iike laughing, for it
seemed unnatural; and that day was, to
me. happy, and Iwanteditsoallaround.;
and it felt as though my engine was run
ning over the sleepers, instead of on the
rails, when Jim got up out of the hole,
all covered with dirt, and stood, as pule.
as a ghost, shaking his fist at me and Su
san, without speaking a word.
I couldn't shake off the remembrance
of it all that day nor the next, and a kind
of dread stuck to me: in spite of all I
could' do the thoughts of it would
come suddenly to mein the oddest places,
and I began to feel a little strange. It
wasn't fear for me atoll, butl kept think
ing, suppose that be should dosome barm
to Susan when I was away on the road,
or come and scare her with his white
face. By George! thinks I to myself,
I'd tie him on the track lengthwise and
run over tfim if l thought he'd do that.
I know it was a cruel thing to think of
him who had done me no harm, but I was
just so savage along of thinking of his
wanting to come between me and my
lawfhl Tyife.
The next day I went on my route as
usual, which was from Croydon to Pal
lertou, just 103 miles. 1 drive the Nes
tor with the express down In the morn
ing and then back to Croydon again,
starting at about 4 o’clock in the after
noon; though that is not quite certain,
as we have to wait for passengers by the
boat, and that is kept back by storms and
such like, though on tbo average the
time doesn't vary more than fifteen
minutes. ' '
In the winter time, as It was when
this happened, of course it is dark as
pitch when we run into Croydon, with
out there's a moon: and I always look
well at the head light and drive with my
eyes wide open; and I generally let her
go full, as the track is well cleared,of
special trains at that time, and the way
they have of telegraphing now-a-days,
keeps me well posted about the track
ahead by the signal lanterns along the
route. Bo you see I felt pretty safe,
and knowing I waa, a careful man, I
didn't have much fear that I’d let any
thing go that would show that Jim was
going to get his revenge by doing me h
harm on the road, or by spoiling my ra
putation as an engineer. For, do you see,
the Idea struck me that, knowing the
road himself, and &U its workings, that
Ihe might think it was easy to hurt me
that way, and so I kept my eyes open.
, 'phe next day I looked at Jim's nouso,
which la about twenty miles out of Croy
don, in the woods, and near the' track,
and I saw him standing in the door Way,
scowling at me, or, least ways, where he
knew I was, for he knew my traih and
habits, as we were chums once. He kept
his eye on the'cab window, and as we
got alhiostontof sight, I looked around
sudden, and saw him shaking- his fist at
the train. 1 Thinks I 'to myself when I
saw that, William Rogers, you look
sharp when you come oaok over this
route to-night; men that have a spite
that lives as strong as that; two days and
two nights, ought to be looked after, and
more than that, Busan said to me that
morning when she was putting my din-,
ner In the pall, says she, ,** William,
dear"— ■ . ",
“ Yes, Susan," says I, with my mouth
full of bread.
"William; would it make much diff
erence If you came in .half an hour late
to-night with the train?" r
41 No, Susan, perhaps .hot." You see
I half knew what was coming.
•' *
"Because I’m afraid, almost, of some
- thing; don't ask mo what it is, for I don’t!
know myself. I feel it somehow, and
want you to drive slow, and promise me,
William dear, to look at the lanterns,
and wheels, and things, Won’t you?”
“Susan,’’ says I, kissing of her, "I’ll
walk her all the way."
And that was what I was. going to do.
I made Collins, the firemen, mad as a
March here making him go through the
wheels twice with a hammer before we
.started back from Pallorton that night. I
, wontthrough the engine myself, examin
ed the springs and levers, and had two
extra men put on the brakes and an extra
lantern fastened on theenglueln frontof
the boiler. They all laughed at mo, but
I kept on till I felt that things were ns
they should be.
When X was speaking of Jim Nelson's
house in the woods, perhaps I ought to
have said that he was a widower and had
a little tot of a baby, and I noticed It ns
X ran by that morning, playing round in
the door-yard. I saw this so that that
.which comes after may bo bettor under
stood,
Well, we started back at 4:20, that is,
back to Croydon. It was storming ns I
thought It never did before; the clouds
rolling up black and the wind came
down from the mountains cold and blus
tering. I shut her all up tight and
turned down the light In the cab so that
I might see better bow things went out
side. Pretty soon it came on to rain, mixed
with hail, and the night came down
blacker than before. I kept my hand on
the lever and my eyes to the broad streak
of light that lit up about two hundred
yards of the track. I let her along easy
at about twenty miles an hour, taking a
look now and then at the oars and keep
ing an eye on everything. We ran on
steadily this way for two hours and lost
fifteen minutes, and still everything was
right. I kept my course, ns the danger
commenced now if there was any at all.
The storm and rain were worse than
ever, and beat against us like mad, and
blow the smoke and steam down over us
so that I felt like stopping altogether, but
of course this wouldn’t do. Wo kept on
this way for another hour, feeling our
way carefully. About twenty minutes
after that I get off my seat to look at the
oil cups and gtiage, when, quick as light
ning, Collins, the fireman jerked my arm
and shouted: “ Good God, there’s a child
crawling on the track!”
I shoved my lever back aud pulled the
whistle valve short and quick, and opened
the cab window aud jumped out on the
engine,—in doing so, 1 thought after
ward, I must have kicked-the lever back
again. . At that moment what I saw
made mo forget everything else, for sure
enough, about two hundred feet In front
of the engine, in the middle of the track
was a little one, kneeling on its hands
and knees, and without moving, but
looking straight at the light of the
lanterns. God help me, says I, seeing
the poor thing must be killed if I didn’t
help it, and I scrambled forward past the
bailer and out on the cow-catcher. The
wheels of the cars grated, but the engine
was working harder than It bad. that
night. I couldn’t stop to think why,
and putting my feet between the bars,
I caught hold of the shackle with my
left hand and leaned forward over the
track. X shut my teeth together tight
and held on like death, knowing well
that a slip of my hand or foot would end
me. The poor cowering little thing crept
away to one side, but was so scared that
it had sunk down and was laying on its
belly across the rail. “ God help It,”
again, says I, bending low down, and I
stuck my arm outstraight and stiff, with
my band an inch from the track ; in an
instant I shoved my hand under the
body of the child, but pushed it along
about five feet before I could close my
hand on the dress, then I lifted it up
over my head and put it on the platform
behind me, and then, quick as may he, I
followed, I felt a kina of weakness com
ing over me. I took the baby in my
arms, but was too weak to go back, so 1 sat
there. The engine was going like light
ning and the rain was beating in mine
and the baby’s face, and the wheels was
grinding and roaring, and afore heaven
I never was so womanish along of
any danger I have been in, as I was
then, with the poor little thing, and its
arms around my neck, and sobbing as if
its heart would break. I was only there
a minute, and was nearly fainting, when
I beard a shouting louder than the storm
and the noise of the engine, and I opened
my eyes and saw the figure of a man
about thirty yards in front of the engine.
He stooped down, then jumped up with
something large in bis bands, and threw
it off the track; then he did it again and
again. He worked quick and wild like,
and Just before the engine reached him.
he jumped off, and the glare of the lan
tern fell on him at that instant, and
showed a face which was pale round the
lips and nose, such ns I had seen before.
Well, I got back to the cab with the
baby, and whistled the brakes oil', and
ancl.went into Croydon thirty-five min
utes before time. I told Susan all about
it, and she took to the baby in fine style,
and she and I sat by the fire that evening,
talking and wondering over what had
happened, when a knock came to the
door, and I went to it and says, “ Who’s
there?”
“It’s me," says a voice, which was
trembling as though the man was crying;
“let me' in Rogers. I’m Jim Neison.
I've got nothing agin’ you and Susan
now, God knows."
So I opened the door and he came in.
staggering as if he was in liquor, and as
white as snow. Then he looked around
the room, and seeing the child In Susan's
lap he ran to it, and kneeling down
buried his face in*its clothes and sobbed
and cried os I never saw a man before or
'sirtce. -After a while he got a little
calmed; then he stood up, and turning
round to me he says:
V William Rogers, I meant to do you
harm to-night; but you saved the little
one for me., which is all I have to love in
this big world- You took one away
from me, and I thought to mend my
breaking; but, William," he went on,
“ I wasn't the old Jim Nelson, which is
a true, man, and who is a speaking to
you now, and so Tasks forgiveness of you
and her."
Then Susan and I shook hands with
him, but we could not speak a word.
Then Jim stooped down and took the
baby into bis arms, and eays, as a last
word to Susan and me;
11 God bless both of you for mans and
wife,” says he, “ and may you always be
happv."- i -Then turned and shut the
door behind him and went out into the
storm and rain—and I have never seen
him since.
Who is Safe. —God has never created
a mind yet that can safely challenge com
bat with the appetite. Earth has no'am
bitlon that is not engulfed, no hope which
is not blasted, no tie which is nob broken,
no sanctuary which is not invaded, no
friend, no kinsman, wife or child that is
not forgotten; no fibre of human agony
which Is not wrung. Minds of common
mould will go through life without excess
While those gifted with God-like powers
are smitten with weakness. The gifted
author of Childe Harold walked in fetters,
and died at Misolongbi of a drunken de
bauch. He who lea the prosecution in
the British Parliament against Hastings,
was hurried to the grave to escape the
clutch of bis landlords. Poor Charley
Fox! And the author of Oerirude of
How
the 11 Gentle EUa" wept over the habit
that enthralled him—how these tragedies
of human individual history—of tempta
tion and fall—stalk before us! The his
tory of the best minds of our land is dark
ened, by these episodes of weakness and
ruin.
.. God gives to little seeds wings, and
they flyaway on all the winds where He
sends them; and wherever they alight
they jgo right to work to make a tree and
bear fruit. Shall not man be as faithful,
as they, and shoot forth branches and
bear fruit In any spot where God places
him?
DEAD BROKE.
RY THE " FAT CONTKIHUTOU.
Wo found a man seated on a curb stone,
near the post office, last night, muttering
to himscslf apparently, as there was no
one else to.mutter to. Wofeltconstrain*
ed to ask liim what ho was doing there?
4 Hain’t doin’ nothin’,’ was the reply.
* Whefe do you belong ?’
‘Don’t b’long nowhere, ahd nowhere
don’t b’long to me,’
4 Who are you ?’
4 I’m Broke,’
‘Well, suppose you are broke; you’ve
got a name, haven't you? What Is it?’
4 1 toll ye I’m broke—Delid Broke—
that’s my name, and that’s my natur’.—
My father was broke before me. If be
hadn’t been, T wouldn’t bo Broke now—
at least, not so bad. My mother was a
Peaseley, but she wanted a husband, and
she got Broke—that’s my dud—and Broke
got me. I’ve been Broke ever since.’
For-a few moments the unhappy D,
Broke buried bis face in his humis. and
seemed lost in the most doleful reflections.
Then raising his head, he exclaimed bit
terly :
4 1 wish I bad been born a colt! ’
4 Why do you wish you had been born
a c6lt?’
44 Because a colt ain’t broke until ho is
two or three years old. I was Broke the
moment I saw the light, and I never got
over it. It is hard to be broke so young.’
4 How did your parents come to call you
Dead Broke?’
* Well, ye see, as soori as I was born
something seemed to tell me that I had.
got to be Broke all my life, unless I could
get ray name changed by act of Legisla
ture, and that, you know, would bo au
impossibility.'
‘How an impossibility.’
‘Are you such a blookliend as to sup
pose that a man can get anything through
the Legislature when he is broke P
‘ You are right. Go on. ’
‘When the conviction forced itself up
on my infant brain, confused as it was by
receut experiences, that I must bo Broke
all my life, I felt that there was nothing
left to live for, and lost all consciousness
at once. (I have found only a part of it
since.)
‘He is dead!’ cried my mother, wring
ing her hands.
‘ Yea,’groaned myfathor, ‘ dead broke!'
1 I revived, alas, but Dead Broke be
came my name, and I have been dead
broke ever since.
‘ My name has been fatal to me all
through life. The smallest boy in school
always broke rao in playing marbles. 1
broke more windows than any other boy
In base bail. I always broke down at re
citations, and had my head broke every
day by tho schoolmaster. When I left
school I went to clerk it for a broker.—
One day there was a heavy deficit in Hie
accounts. I was. afraid he might think
that I had something to do with it—so
I——X broke. They caught me though, I
broke out.’
‘ Out of jail?’
‘ No d n it, broke out with the sma/l
jjo.v P
‘ What did you do next?'
‘After the court had disposed of my
case, I was allowed to go into the broker
age business again.’
‘ How was that ?'
* 1 broke stone In the penitentiary, dog
on it! After I got out I broke every
thing. I broke my'promise, broke tire
Sabbath, and broke the pledge. 1
‘ Were you ever married.”
‘ Yes (sighing deeply), matrimony broke
me up worse than anything else. My
wife was a regular ripper. She broke up
my furniture and the dishes, nearly broke
my back with a flat-iron, and finally
broke my heart.’
‘ By running away?’
‘ No, indeed, by sticking to me.’
‘ You have had a hard time of it.’
‘ All owing to my name. But bad as I
dislike it, it’s mine; I came by It honest
ly. You wouldn’t think any body else
would want to be in my place, would
ye? but there are thousands of imposters
all over the country, trying to pass them
selves off for me,'
* In what way ?’
‘When they tell their creditors they
are ‘ Dead Broke.’
There was another pause, during which
the unhappy possessor of an unfortunate
name could be heard to sob. At length
he broke out—
‘ It will be a simple and fitting inscrip
tion for my tombstone, though.'
‘ What?'
‘ Dead Broke.'
I.AJII. VI lIE THE “GREAT*’ KAKSO.
It is a terrible thing to lie an excessive
ly large man; and yet large men are
sometimes men of genius. Wiim-.- Lu
blueho, for instance, tbo great bass sing
er. Ho was immense, both in.size and
vocal music—how immense maybe gath
ered from the following anecdote, told by
an old associate:
“Lablancho died at Naples on January
23, 1858, at the age of sixty-three, in the
villa now inhabited by his son-ln-iaw,
Thalberg. We shall never see his like
again’. The Jove-like head, planted on a
collbssal body, seemed the incarnation of
every priestly attribute, when the grand
old Druid Orevdso trod the stage. Who
that ever saw or heard him can forgotthe
majesty of his look and the thunder of
his voice?"-
Rossini, writing an account of the first
light of “Puritana" in Paris, to a friend
in Boulogne, naively declared it waaquito
unnecessary for him to say anything
about the duet “ Suono laTromba,” be
tween Lablache and Tumburini, for ho
was quite sure it must have been heard
all over the country. There never was,
and probably never will be again, in our
time, such a marvelously toned bass voice
as that of Lablache. In private life La
blache was a most delightful companion,
lull of anecdote and repartee. His power
of facial expression was lemarkaMe. I
have seen him- portray a coming storm,
every phase of a tempest, and the return
of fine weather, by the mere change of
hia countenance—Grisi sitting opposite to
the different phenomena.
His traveling about was always a seri
ous matter. No ordinary vehicle was safe
to hold him. His enormous weight ren
dered it necessary for his servants to take
about a chair and bedding for his especial
use. It was dlllicuit to find a carriage
the doors of which wore large enough for
him to pass.
On one occasion the rehearsal at her
Majesty’s Theatre terminating sooner
than was expected,and beloreliisbrough
ham had come to fetch him, a street cab
was ordered. The cabman looked alarm
ed when his form, issued from the stage
door and showed the test which the ve
hide had to undergo.
" He'll never get in sir," said the man
dispairingly to me as I was shaking hands
with Lablache, who seemed also to have
his doubts on the question. We approach
ed the vehicle; the door waa opened
wide. Sideways, frontways, backways,
the prize basso tried to ellcct an entrance
but In vain. Without assistance it was
impossible. Two men went to the oppo
site side and dragged with all their force,
while two others did their utmost to lift
him in.
H It’s no go,” cried the cabman
ruin my cab.”
One more effort. A Jong pull, a strong
push—a pull and a push together—the
point was gained—Lablache inside, puff
ing and blowing from the exertion. But
the difficulty had not yet come to an end.
Wishing to change his position (he had
inadvertently tat down with his Wok to
the horse) he rose, the whole of his'pro
digious weight was upon a few slender
boards, forming the bottom of the cab.—
Imagine, the horror of the cabman, the
astonishment of Lablache, and the sur
prise of a largo crowd which had been at
tracted by the terrible struggle that had
been going on when the boards gave way,
and his feet and legs wore seen standing
In the road. The driver swore—Lablache
grinned—the crowd roared. No scene In
a pantomine was ever more ludicrous.—
Fortunately Lablache sustained no injury.
Had the horse moved, the consequence of
the accident would have been serious.*-
The same processor shaving and pulling,
but reversed, was necessary to extricate
him. Whether greater violence than at
first was used or not; the door In this in
stance was torn from Its hinges, and the
cab (previously a good looking vehicle),
now presented the most melancholy ap
pearance of a complete wreck. The cab
man uttered curses loud and deep, but was
pacified by the assurance that the damage,
should bo made good, and his loss of time
remunerated. I do not tjiink the great,
basso over again attempted to ride In a
hackney coach. /
“ YOUNG PAUGUS.”
The “ old French War’’ was over. The
banners of England had long streamed
above the towers of Quebec. Tbo Indi
ana had left the woods and lakes of New
Hampshire, for the broarder waters and
deeper forests of Canada and the West.
Time had benumbed the iron sinews of
tho rangers—untamable by any other
enemy—or they weresieeping “each in bis
narrow cell forever laid.” Where the red
man once roamed after themoosc, prowled
upon the scout, or lighted the council lire
—now stood tho infant village and the
peaceful neighborhood. The water-fall,
at whose foaming foot tho Indian once
darted his rude spear Into the salmon, or
hooked the trout upon hl» curved bit of
bone, now turned the wheel of the clum
sy grist-mill, where tho jogging farmer
brought his “ ryo and Indian,” over
moor and hill, through bush and swamp,
in safety. Tho congregations, as they
gathered together “.at meeting,” no lon
ger brought their charged guns to their
house of worship or feared that the
prayers of their ministers would be Inter
rupted by tho war whoop—of Lovell’s
men scarcely a survivor remained of the
few thatlived through tho desperate light
at Pigwacket. Chamberlain wxis yet
alive. He bad long given over hunting,
and peace had changed his war spear into
an implement of'husbandry; of all his
hunting and lighting gears nothing re
mained to him but the gun that shot old
Paugus at Lovell’s pond, and the bullet
pouch and yellow powder horn, covered
over with Indian devices, which were the
spoil of the savage in tho terrible encoun
ter. These he had preserved with an old
man’s care. His cottage was tho centre
of a considerable hamlet. A wild stream
ran past it, and, a little way below tum
bled down a fall, on which stood one of
the rude saw mills of that day. Old
Chamberlain, once tho swift hunter and
proud warrior, was now its bumble own
er, and more bumble tender. He bad
survived his wife and children. Few of
his neighbors ventured' to bo familiar
with him on account of the atevu pecu
liarity of his character, and he passed his
days in solitude, excepting such associa
tions as men had with him in his hum
ble vocation.
In the year, 1787, towards tho close of
one of those fair days in autumn, which
make up the “ Indian summer,” a num
ber of the villagers of P had gathered
into their one story tavern, to talk
over tho affairs of the little public, os was
their wont-when they were surprised and
started by the entrance of a young Indi
an among them. An Indian attbat time.
had got to be a rarity in P . He was
tall, over six feet, and finely formed after
the fashion of the forest. He had a belt
of wampum around his waist, and from
it hung his tomahawk. A Jong gun was
in his hand, and he stood in his inoccasins
with'the grace and' dignity of a son of a
chief. Replaced his gun behind thodoor,
and silently took his seat by himself. A
little before sunset, the fanners left the
Inn and returned to their homes. One
old hunter remained with the landlord
and the young savage. The hunter eyed
the Indian with keen attention—his sus
picions were awakened at the sight of this
warrior armed, so remote from the resi
dence of the nearest tribe, and in a time of
peace.
He was acquainted with the Indian
character in old wars, and his suspicions
were heightened and confirmed, when
ho heard the young chief ask the landlord
in a low and indifleront tone, if one
Chamberlain dwelt in the village? The
' landlord pointed out to him the mill
wiiere ho dwelt. The Indian took his
gun and went out.
“Homo of the mood of old Puugus,”
said the hunter, “ and I’ll venture my
life, come to avenge the death of that old
chief upon Chamberlain. I’ll give the
old man warning.” He hastily stepped
out and followed a winding footpath that
led down to the saw, mill, where the
old man was still at his foils. He reachd
the mill and told Chamberlain, that
young Pagns from Canada, hud come
with liis rifle and tomahawk, to avenge
upon him the death of thatchief. Cham
berlain’s checks turned ashy pale, and he
sternly replied, “tell young Puugus I
have the gun that slew his father, and he
had better return to the forest, than mo
lest me in my old age," and as he spoke
he pointed to the long gun, as it hung
upon prongs of the moose horn, driven
in the saw plate, and near it was suspen
ded the bullet pouch and powder horn of
Pigwucket. The hunter had given - his
warning and retired. The sun was set
ting at the house of Moosehillook.—
Chamberlain took- down his - gun—tried
its flint—charged it—took the pouch and
the horn, flung tbeuf upon his side; hung
up near the saw gate, the old garments
ho had worn, at work that day, hoisted
the gate of the mill and set it rapidly ago-’
lug, looking keenly around him in every
direction, and retired loan eminence, a
distant, crowned with a clump
of thick bushes, and crouched down to
await the approach of his mysterious
enemy. He was not, however,’mysteri
ous to Chamberlain. The old man re
membered every trait of the Indian char
acter, and calculated with great accuracy
as to the time ami manner of young Pau
gus. Just as it was growing too dusky
'to distinguish a human form except to
wards the went, the old mau discerned
him creeping cautiously from a bunco
of bushes eight or ten rods above the mill
by theaideof the torrent, with his cocked
rifle before him and his hand upon the
lock. The young savage heard the noise
of the saw gate, and could discern its rap
id motion, and shrunk back in the
thicket. He came opt again a little dis
tant from where die went in, and with
the wary motions of the ambush, recoil
uoltcrated the mill. Chamberlain eyed
him all the while as the catamount eyes
the fox. Young Pugus crept out of the
ambush the third time, and in a new
quarter, and was stealthily advancing,
when something seemed to catch his eye
in the form of his father’s slayer—he stop
ped short—brought his rifle to his eye,
ami with quick aim fired. The report
rang Bharj> and low upon the still air. as
if the gun itself was muffled, or afraid to
speak above breath. Young Pugus crept
out upon a mill log that extended over
the rapid, and streached himself up to
his full height, as if to ascertain, with
out advancing, the success of his shot.—
The old man could spare him no longer.
He saw the well remembered form of the
old Pickwacket chief, as the young sav
ngestood against the sky of the west, which
was still red with the rays of the sink
ing sun. Ho levelled the fatal gun—it
blazed—young Paugus leaped into the air
six feet as the ball whistled through bis
heart, and his lifeless body fell into the
rapid that foamed below him, while his
vengeful spirit fled, and mingled with
that sterner one which parted long before
at Lovell's pond in “ the land where their
fathers had gone.”
Chamberlain returned slowly and
gloomily to his cottage. The next morn
ing, a bullet hole through the centre of
the old garment he hud hung on the saw
gate, admonished him, that the aim as
well as the vengeance of old Paugus, had
descended to his sons, and as he mused
upon those ho had slain, and reflected
that, although he was old, he might have
again to lift his gun against the blood of
Paugus, or hiihself fall by tbelravengiug
hand—he wished bitterly that some other
bullet than his own had slain that re
nowned Indian, and that they had never
met to quench their battle thirst and
scourout their foul guns, upon the beach
of Lovell's pond.
“ he’ll
YOL. 54.—N0. 10,
A schoolmistress, while taking down
the name and ages of her pupils, and of
their parents, at the beginning of the
term asked one little fellow: "What's
your father’s name?" 44 O, you needu’t
take down his name; he’s too old to go to
school to a woman," was the iunoceufcre
ply.
Old Dr. A , was a quack, aud a
very Ignorant one. On one occasion he
was called by mistake, to attend a coun
cil of physicians in a critical case. After
considerable discussion, the opinion was
expressed by one that the patient was
convalescent. When It came to Dr.
A ’s turn to speak: “ Convalescent /”
said ho ; “ Why that’s nothing serious,
iliave cured Convalescence in twenty-four
hours!”
A young couple went to the Rev. Paul
Davis to get married. Mr, D. Is some
thing of a wag, aud by au Innocent mis
stakc, of course, began to read ftom the
prayer hook as follows: “Man that is
born of a woman is full of trouble, and
hath but a short time to Sus. The
astonished bridegroom exclaimed, “ Sir,
you mistake ; we came to be married.”
•• Well, replied Davis, if you insist, I will
marry vnu, but you had much better be
buried?”
A soLDrEK of the West, during the lata
war, being oft’ duty, was engaged by a
landlord to dig a patch of potatoes, on con
dition that ho should be furnished with a
bottle of whiskey to begin with. The
landlord accordingly took him to tbefleld.
showed him the patch, and left him a full
bottle of his favorite beverage. About an
hour afterward the landlord went to sea
how the sou of Mars progressed In his bu
siness of farming. He found him holding
to an old stump, unable (o stand without
it, ids bottle lying empty at his feet, and
no potatoes dug. Being quite exasperat
ed, tlie landlord exclaimed :
" Hallow I you scoundrel I Is this the
way you dig my potatoes for me?
“Hal” says (be soldier, lapping his
tongue, staggering half round, squinting
aud hiccuplng; “ If you want your pota
toes dug fetch ’em on—for—l’llbe hanged
if I’m going to run round the lot after
’em.”
Recently a clergyman was preaching
in Belfast when a young man In the con
gregation, getting weary of the sermon,
looked at bis watch. lust as be was in
the act of examining bis lime piece for
the fourth or fifth time, the pastor with
great earnestness, was urging the truth
upon the consciences of bis hearers.
“ Young man,” said he, “ how is it with
you 7” Whereupon the youngman with
the gold repeater bawled out, in bearing
of nearly all thecongregatlon, “ A quarter
past eight.” As may be supposed, the
gravity of the assembly was much dis
turbed for a time.
tidies for ’
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ODDS AND ENDS;
An evil habit is never conquered by
yielding to it
A cheating grocer should roforni h!4
weighs.
What moat resembles a pretty klrl
bathing ? A diving bell (o,>
When Is a storm Hkft a fish after a
hook ? When it ia goingto abate.
Hum is rather good In its place, and
hell ia the place for it
Why ia the country winter like tho
Black Crook; Because therearoso many
bare limbs to be seen.
When Is a tombstone like a rush-light?
When it is set up for a Ihte husband.
Why is a dishonest bankrupt like an
honest poor man ? Because both fail to
get rich.
Three centuries ago tho average dura
tion of life was 21 years; now it is over
45 years. Let’s keep on.
. To ascertain the number of children in
a street—beat a big drum. To ascertain
tbo number of loafers—-start a dog fight.
A woman is not fit to have a baby who
doesn’t know how to bold it; and this is
as true of u tongue oa of a baby.
Why is Hiram Powers the meanest of
men ? Because he chiseled a poor Greek
slave out of a piece of marble.
Carlyle, in his advice to young men,
says: “If you doubt whether to kiss a
pretty girl, give her the benefit of the
doubt.”
No ono has ever been so good and so
great, or has been raised so high, as to be
above tho reach of troubles.
Let us carefully observe those good
qualities wherein our enemies excel us,
and endeavor to excel them by avoiding
what is faulty, and Imitating what la ex
cellent in them.
An editor, referring to patent metalio
air-tight coffins, says: •“No person hav
ing onco tried on© of these coffins will
ever uso any other. ”
“When was Rome built?” inquired
a school inspector. *• In the night,”
said he, “How do you make that out?”
“ Why, sir, you know Rotoo wasn’t built
in a day,”
The Scripture says “tho glory of a
woman is her hair,’? but it nowhere says
that tho glory of any woman is any oth
er woman’s hair.
A sweet young lady says that males
aro of no account from the time the ladles
stop kissing them as infanta till they
commence kissing them as lovers.
•* Isn’t it pleasant to be surrounded by
so many ladles?” said a pretty woman
to a popular lecturer. “Yes,” said he,
“but it would be pleasanter to bo sur
rounded by one,”
A Boston wit. defining the difference
between an accident and a misfortune,
says: “If Wendell Phillips should fall
into tho river, it would bo &u accident.
If he should ever get out again, it would
be a misfortune.”
At a Fourth of July celebration In Ma
rion county, 111., a young lady offered
the following toast: “Theyoung men of
America—Their arms our support, our
arms their reward; fall In, men, tall ln. M
“ MoTHEBj can I go and have my pho
tograph taken?” “No; it isn’t worth
while.” “Weil, then, you might let me
go and have a tooth pulled—l never go
anywhere.”
“ There’s our Jeremiah,” sold Mr. 8.,
“ he went off to get his living by his
wits.” “Well, dirt he succeed?” in
quired his friend. “ No.” said the old
man, tapping hia forehead, 41 ho failed for
want of capital.”
An afflicted editor who is troubled with
hand-organs under his window, longs for
the “evil days” mentioned in Ecclesi
astes, when tr tbe grinders shall cease be
cause they are few "and “tho sound of
grinding” shall bo “low.”
A Jew was observed noticing very in
tently a prodigiously fine ham. “ what
are you saying to that ham, Mr. Jacobs?”
“ I was saying to it, 41 thou almost per
suadest mo to be a Christian.’ ” ,
Once at a coronation seen®, a person
who was impressed with the majesty of
human sovereignty, said to a gentleman
beside him: “Our emperor is very great."
Thegentleman replied, "But Goals great
er." “ Yes," said the sycophant, but
the emperor is youngyet."
It should be borne In mind that much
of what a man tells you in the hour of af
fliction, in sudden anger or In any out
pouring of the heartshould be secret. In
his craving for sympathy, he has spoken
to you os his own soul.
A constable in Massachusetts, the land
of education and grand moral ideas wrote
the following notice:
“ I wyll xpose fr sail the 5 day 1806 of
Jan won lythe rone hors, or so much
tharof as ma be necessary to satisfi. sed
gugment."
Ho was troubled with a bad spell,
An eccentric man in Bath, Me., wo*
asked to aid a foreign mission. He gave
uquarterof a dollar, but stopped the agent
as he was departing, and said—“ here’® a
dollar to pay the expense of getting tb®
quarter to the. heathen."