gipi.BE, Editor and Publisher. DK 13 A FREEMAN TVIIOH THE TRUTH MAKES FREE, AND ALL ARE SLATES EESIDE. Terms, $2 pr year In advance VOLUME 5. EBENSBURG, PA., SATURDAY, MAY 13, 1871. NUMBER 16. j(ir MrwHSfwrofcu fjlB SCHOOL. ! ft''for Graduates. Refer to patrons in r.-ites. aim tuenniy one prvimig t,. .iares !trr'H.G. KA-TMAX, L.L.D., President. MYBBURG SEMINARY, 4k HOl.I.niAYSnUKG, PA. 3 ' ti nir It nil f In l-.tll I'l'irtti pa.'' ' ' ...... ...... . - - ... . i. i ii'1m,L.i1i1 Price 1 .1st M TiUtma A .1 A rt-mojy which has been tested for 10 years, and prored in thou aiids of rase, capable of curing ft Z:xiki d th Threat tni Lns; per forming nianv remnrkable cure merits ti il from all who are suf. ferinK from similar affections ano rainlT seeking relief. pi let jjvcct yea inm feeing eur4 iliol asiKlt The Prucgists say it cures tbem all .-v-ln- relief HnJ cure, of it are marvelous. i-Every sufferer will find relief and cure ,sa require oniv a tew doses. rawt H cured ciues pronounced incurabU .--11 renovHwa ami uiviorHLes me system. Jiosi enecti ve reguintor ot this organ 1 lt, Lpalihv HTtion on Ltifl stomnoh nurit ift jjs.-H heiilth-jtiving and appetite restoring. y.rr::i-A.i'"onoiirnein isniarKedand prompt ?22 Z? TA2 ia rich in the medicinal L:. . f T.i.-, combined with Tegrtable ingre :s d i!" iruute i value, which make it nnsur !. sm f n!r f.ir ilie complaints enumerated : ; r.::i; :::-r:5 sxiitr.si r.rcirth, cleanses the zk:.. rciifs the Liver and puts them to work. u"iefcod to ilii;e.-t, and makes pure blood. Ma 1 liTacitj appreciated by both sound and ; ?. rca Hr n,..i:l.l in anv wav. we know if vnn t-Hi-f.rZ3 ::z'.z j;eni83"of lr. Crook's Wine x, ;.u ir.ii sua your itstiraonT to its great : :: correcting unv "ills that 'flfsh is he;r ' r:ei only l.y tLm2 Z2ZZZ ft 00. Sold bv r.TU" Tcrvw crn. k I'jtiMS cf :h3 I?cj. or Scroftija "n"nnv mci i :f ,-:ie.ii. IrepUcse, Fip-.os, E:ila lit ?, S:s.l i.tai, z:ztT3, :zi eli Ccrej, or any fl.senfe riepenriing nn a depraved con dition of the f lood, take Ir. Crecl'l C-3-;ri C-r.; cf Fi3 2::t It is combined .tn th l.est tonic preparations of iron kanwn, and is the best Alterative and Mood I nrfier made. CIsaise Jtlt llsed. Tnr one Hotiie. Sold by Druggists. I'reinred only V v 00 ClTTi2 rcrxs ft CO., rajtea, Q. f 'Sinr. rfi nousr. I'owitr.n io -i .'Mi-k. Ited Horsp Trade Mark.) oim:h ' 'w'l.'I'rt.-Aaroii Snvder's, V. S. AsMst-i-wti-r. Mount .Ktna. Pa. ; C. Hiicnn' Liv- r-iruaiiKe stnl.to. SiHitmrv, Pa. llr' I; i'vl.-i-.-Volf i Wilhelin's, Danville, 1 A. r...i 5, M'-rchant. Washington ville. Pa. : v No:ui;tkfr"s, Jersev Shore. Pa. Jforw ;, Lniiij f.-ivr.-Hes & liro.'s, Lewisl.nrg, ', '"f! '' "!i-Thos. ClinganV. I'nion j. ;.; ,-,, f cuuln-a .- H. Purr's, II. & -'r?'u;1's- Mn,,,n- ','-urd.-lir.Me- J. n. McLormick's, Milton. Pa. f'hirk ' j.'ou d d (. 1 r. It. T. Krohs 7R- ': Pr.T'.fi. Iiavi-.r.W. Sticker. 1 !;ia:;:csrit!V..-y. M:!ton. i'a. Hundreds ! -ho.Pi.tnck was saved bv 'u'V-v ." rv' r"v-'''' r propnid bv CY- ,:'i ';,;-Wt- 'l(-tnist and liorse ", r t ".'d'-sale aud P. t.iil Drtttr unf . Et"Pnuiu. Uroadwav. Milton, Pa., to ih oruci-8 should be udjlres-ed iOR$7 PEE' LINE ! - in ias.ri an advertisement OueHundred and Fifty-five Fir.ci,a "Sizsylvaiiia Newspapers I Iat'.u;:ng El.-vcn Dailie "rr"m..l,i!lty is set free. i.tr rr; - .. ' , iiitos. - Co., Iloston. '"jfiAHT SAF0LIE1TE I',!"." I."'1 nU ki,",s cr Cloths and : :th, t tl, Kml ;T Tar. &e.. rt. -""Id k , injury to the finest Km iM v and Fancy OcmkIs '; " X V ,rk L'1 KX E .,3:J Bar- . . fc 0:1.?: fKR7 with Stenoll Tool.. :l:i nAHAM, Springfield, Vrt. PP e Parer. Corerand Slicer. Price c'.0O. flNTSTREAlTTHisr 7.leC0"1"liS.ion to uell oi.r nour n,l n m s m :auh J",,ve-Cen for a Tickt and valuV v ,1 -"achin;, Pianc, or w.nie P i-k- ,...h anks. Six for One Dollar. a. co., Cincinnati, Ohio. 'paper Advcrtisiiiflf. V' flf lor i 5 - 'i;i,t .i c'osel V printed tmio-m. Intelv ls MAli,,, !Stf.the,t American Ad ""Ifiii",. !: .'1Ynjf the numes, circula- Hn',V,i)iy Political 'tir1.V'-"-ther vrith nil "a- Aifi m." in the interest of :Wl"T.anV. ,Ure' I-'tratiire, &c.. Every 1r"ir S1...1! ' Person who uoiitemiilates -Hill , " II11S TN. ti t ii an v ad.ln i- 1. 1. will . - book of srreat resa on receipt of 1 60 JU.. Fub ' ' '' .riftl P0 . " fit,.!.. " liOW. 7 Sew York. 1 ill,.. ' " : "Tin firm 11 I U,..ll jt. 711 "it. lsftutr.r. In It ihkiio of "tin. 1. "'Willis lntirif,l irr Hurt vuliial.. Mii iw. . . r" "iiu ui '""Ik,, I'niiw w auu Uetit Advertising Aren- r',1(' "'attention of thote who rto niti. ;'.r usineKH eiiililirjlly . THlli. ""oiiii.-rn 1., ii iiaiiiaiij V'w--ure ti ly in such a way: that Is, 'ust tiif'n air(st amount of publicity 'iki. - illi'ir liii OUD HOTEL, b PHPt tn Successful "i at years th well-kn j 1 f; w W MP n-a. PropV. ' ,"--'&! hi.IT"' Caml'ria Co., Pa. All man CoUeAiVr.nio'; .? Promptlyland --.-..a a specially. J rt "" 'r tt Ihi-incs- or Academic Eduea c: ':-''t'"Hii CuIIoirB. Poughkeepsie. X. Y. It s-fiW;", , vii.N(iiie Prarlieal School H00MIKGTON (ILL.) NURSERY. -uv. ir tvm Acres. 13 Greenhouses. Larg 3, rt-'uit-ull sizes. Host Stock! Low 4 ' Would you know hat. When, How fruit. rMiade, Evergreen Trees, Root ."'ionlliiiirs, Osage Plants, Apple Seed, .'H,.'l'i it.it of s. Shrubs. Hoses, Greenhouse "n. tcl' I tili-st. Best olloction Sorts ' i,.tnl m cents for New, Illustrated, ; n.tiiloiriie '.) pages. Send stamn. fciisl pi,,. anovo Hovenlh, Vv v nEI'Pnu PA- Tf.rmr,;i,n "Ple capacity for 250 'r"' fortt y f,lr'''l throufc-hout. :iv,tlHl..i, ,e tption of irucpts, by tho ly conduct own Moun- the: great OAK HALL EMPORIUM! 241 Main Street, Johnstown. S, J, HESS & BR0T1R HAVE NOW OX IIAKD The Largest, Best Made ASD MOST DDHADLE Slock n Clotlsiiig EVER. KEPT IX JOIISSTOWM, consisting chiefly of MEN'S COATS. MEN'S PANTS. MEN'S VESTS : YOUTnS' COATS. YOUTHS' PANTS. YOUTHS' VESTS; BOYS' COATS. BOYS' PANTS. BOYS' VESTS. Wa hare also corstantljr !n stock a complete assortment of SST'S FL'RMSniXO GOODS. Hats, Caps, Trunks, Valises, &c. r?TWe are prepared to make to order Cloth ing of every description t.u the shortest notice. Call al Ko. 241 Main Street, AND SEE HOW IT IS YOUr.SEL.VES ! Johnstown, April 22, lSTl.-Cin. iNEW FIRM OLD STAXD GOOD GOODS & GREAT BARGAINS I'OU THE READT ASH I HAVING become proprietor? of the STORE KOO.M and STOCK OF GOODS recently be longing to 11. A. Shoemaker & Co., and having purchuscd an additional STOCK OF NEW GOODS I A' U It EAT VAlilETY, wo ara now prepared to supply all the old cus tomers or rne iate tirtn, and as manv new ones as will patronize uf, with (ioods of all kinds at PRICES FULLY AS LOW as any other merchant in or' out of Cambria county. It is our intention to keep our Store constantly stovked with a full and well selected assortment of DHV liODIiS, DUKSS COODS, rAJNt.l t.OODS, .NOTIONS. HOOTS, SHOKS, HATS. OA PS. CLOTH 1 Nti. CA KPKTS. FL'KNI- TL'PF. OIL CLOTHS, o V KF.NS WA 1! I'. GHo CKHIKS, FLOCK, HACOX, FISH. SALT, TO BACCO. CIGAKS. and all other articles, large or small, that can be found in any store of like character in the county ; and as wo intend to SEL.L. EXCUSIVELY lor CASH OR COl'NTItY PROOrCE, and make no bad debts, we feel sure that our stock and our prices will not only Fecure but retain lor us a liberal share, or putrouage. EARLY VISITS FROM ONE AND ALL are reKixx-tf ullv Kolieited. nnd If w foil tn ren der entire satisfaction, both as regards the qual ity of our gK)ds and the prices asked for them. It will certainly be no fault of th new firm at the old stand of Shoemaker t Co., High street. Don't forget to nail and we'll not forget to giro you full value for your money. RS & LLOYD. Ebensburg, Jan. 2S, lS71-tf. GOOD FOR WILMORE ! THE LADIES COMPLIMENTED ! ! New Firm ana Neit Goods. IT hag been conceded of late years that the ladies of Wilmore and vicinity arc the fnir-st ns well as the inost sensible of unv lo cality in the count-, which may probably in part be accounted tor by the tact, notyet gen erally known, that they buy all their .Milline ry. iret ami t'anry ,mmN at the SEW STOKE of K. I'A I I. C.. who hnve Just opened out the largest and most complete stock ever brought to Wilmore. consisting of DRY GOODS. DUKSS GOODS, MILLINKKV GOODS, NOTIONS, J i ATS, CAPS. HOOTS and SHOKS, HAHDWAUK, QUEEXSWAUK, GKOCEHIES, &c, &c., iwhich they sell at Johnstown prices for cash or In exchange for country produce. J-"rV"Call and see for yourselves at the New Building, one door East of the new United Urethrcn church. E. PALL. & CO. Vi llinore, Nov. 17, 18.0.-Cm. ORPHANS' COURT SALE BY virtue of an alias order of the Orphans' Court of Cambria county to the undersigned directed, there will be exposed to Public Sale, on the premises in Jackson township, on Tnes tiny I lie lttlh day ol May next, at 2 o'clock. p. m., the following described Heal Estate, of which Peter llager died seized, to wit : A PI EC 12 OK PARCEL OF LAND situate in the township of Jackson, county ot catnoria, adjoining lands of George Wehn, Sam'l Albaiigb, Fisher Heirs, and others, containing 17 Acre, more or less, about Rti Acres of which are cleared, having thereon erected a one-and-a-half story LOG HOUSE. This Land will be sold as one piece or in lots to suit customers. Tmmiof Salt, One-third of the mirchase mon ey to be paid on confirmation of the sale, and tne residue in two equal annual payments, witn interest, to be secured by mortgage and judg ment bonds of the purchaser. MICHAEL H. RACER, Adm'r. Jackson Twp., April 29, lb?l.-0t. O TRAY" COW. Came to the premises of the subscriler, in Carroll township, Cam bria county, about the 1-th day of April, Inst., a LIGHT hKDCOW, with a white spot on tho right side of her forehead, white tolly, a white spot on each Hank, anK-wWre on the end of her tail ; supposed to Je about four year-sold. The. owner is requested to come forwurd, prove pro perty, ity charges andtake her away, other wise she will bo disposed of a';uordimr to law. LEONARD FARAUAUGH. Carroll township, April 2U, Ib71.-Ut.? 17 XECUTOR'S N O TI C E. Estate of Matthias Diirrnir.cn, dee'd. Letters Testamentary having been granted by the Register of Cambria county to tho under signed on the estate of Mathias Dietriech, late of Chest township, dee'd, notice is hereby given to all persons indebted to said estate to make payment without delay, and those having claims to present thein In proper form for settlement. JACOB KIP.LER, Executor. I MISER LAND FOR SALE. The subscriber offers for sale on accommoda ting terms, SO Acre of Timber IhikI in Chest township, some seven miles north of Car rolltown. Bald Tract is covered with Poplar, Linn and Pine Timber, and is within one-fourth mile of a Saw Mill. For terms and other infor mation call on or write to JOHN J. WARNER, t-l.-tf.J Et. Lawrence, Cambria Co., Pa. TVTESSRS. E. I'AUL & CO. have the finest stock and cheapest store in Wilmore. VcrbtuH sat &'apicftt .' apr.15.-3t. &)e IJott s gtpartmtnf. A IVEW POEM HY A KEW POET. The following ballad is the production of W. M. Cahi.kton, of Hillsdale. Michigan, & young poet who gives unmistakable evidence of true lyric genius. His verses have hitherto been chiefly published in the columns of the Toledo Jilade, in which the following appeared, but we are informed that the conductor of that jour nal the other dayjreceived a letter from Messrs. Harpers, requesting the privilege of copying and illustrating the ballad for their Weekly. This will induct him into a wide sphere. It is also stated that the author has now a volume of poems in press. Whether Mr. Carleton will be able to sustain himself at his present height of course cannot now be told. The probabilities are in his favor. It is true there have been many instances of sudden and dazzling poetic blaze, succeeded by a life-time of the most fee ble twilight; but the poem we print below isof so unusual an order of excellence for a young writer, that we are justified in expecting a con tinuance of his creative power. In some re spects it will compare favorably with Tenny son's "Northern Farmer," which it resembles, not however in any slavish seuse, but as be longing to the same class. It is verv touching the homely, honest obstinacy which gradual ly, as the remembrance of his wife's household virtues, and her ministrations in his sickness, and of "the child that was left" to them, melts and softens the old man into tenderness and af fection. It is a very hcuutiful idyl of home spun life, with its infelicities and sanctities, its anxieties and hungers, its longings and loves and cares. There was no separation, we'll go bail, in spite of his determinate purpose and of the lawyer's papers. BETSY AND I ARE OUT. A FARM BALLAD. Draw tip the papers, lawyer, and make 'em good and stout; and 1 ure out. i-or things at home are cross-ways, and lletsy We who have worked together so long as man MIU-.wife' , L'ral life. Must pull in single harness the rc6t of our uat- Whut is the matter?" say you. I swan J it's hard to tell ; ve ry well ; Most of the years behind us we've passed by 1 have no other woman she has no other man. Only we,ve lived together as long as we ever can. So I've talked with Betsy, aud Betsy has tulked with me; agree; So we've agreed together that we can never Not that we've catched each other in any terri ble crime; time. W e ve been gatheriu this for years, little ut a There was a stock of temper we both had for a start; apurt ; Although ne'er suspected it would take us two 1 had my various failings bred in the ties a and bone, of her own. And Betsy, like all good women, had a temper The first thing that I remember whereon we disagreed, iu our creed. V as something concerning heaven a difference We arg'ed the thing at breakfast we urg ed the thing at tea we didn't agree. And the more we arg'ed the question, the more And the next that I remember was wheu we lost a i ow ; was only how ? She had kicked the bucket.certain thequestion I held my own opinion, and Hctsv anotiier had: And when we wcicdoneu talkin', we both ol us was mud. And the next that I remember, it started In a jk ; spoke. But full for a week it lusted, and neither or us And the next was when I scolded becuuse she broke a bowl; unv soul. And she said I was moan and stingy, aud hadn't And so that bowl kept pourin' dissensions in our cup; comin'up; And so that bhimed cow-critter was always a And so 1 hat heaven we urg'cd no nearer to ns Jfot ; times as hot. But it gave us a taste of somethin' a thousand And so the thing ke pt workin", and all the self same way ; to say. Always something to arg'e and somethin' sharp And down on us came the neighbors, a couple ' dozen strong, thing along. And lent their kindest service for to help the And there has been days together and many a weary week too proud to speak. We were both of us cross and spunk v, and both Aud I've been thinkiu' and thiukiu " tho whole of the winter and full, won't at all. If I can't live kind with a woman, why, then I And so I have talked with Betsy, and Betsy has talked with me, ngree ; And we ha vt agreed together that we can never And what is hers shall be hers, aud what is mine shall be mine ; her to sign. And 1 11 put it in the agreement, and take it to Write on the paper, lawyer the very first par agraph have her half ; or all the farm and live stock, that she shall For she has helped to earn it through many a weary day, hus her pay. And it s nothiu' more than justice that Betsy Give her the house and homestead ; a man can thrive and roam, have a home. But women are skeery critters, uuless they And 1 have always determined, and never failed pa-v. . taken away. That Betsy never should want a home, if I was There is a little hard money that's drawin tol 'rable pay ; day ; A couple of hundred dollars laid hy for a rainy Safo in the hands of good men, and easy to get at: of give her that. Put In another clause, there, and half Yes, I see you smile, sir, at my givin' her so much; such. l.es, divorce is cheap, sir. but I take no stock in True and Tair I married her, when she was blithe and young; - with her tongue. And Betsy was al'ays good to me, excepting Once, when I was young as you, and not so smart, perhaps, other chaps; For me she mittcned a lawyer, ami several And all of 'em was Mustered and fairly taken down, in town. And I for a time was counted the luckiest man Once when I had a fever I won't forget it soon loon I was hot as a roasted turkey, and crazy as a Never nn hour went by whtu she was out of sights day and night. She nursed me true and tender, and stuck to me And If ever a house was tidy, and ever a kitchen clean, seen ; Her bouse and kitchen were tidy, us any I ever And I don't complain of Betsy, or any of her acts other facts. Exceptin' when we've quarreled, and told each So draw up the paper, lawyer, and 111 go home to-night, all right; And read the agreement to her, and see if it's And then in the momin I'll sell to a tradin man I know, in the world I'll go. And kiss the child that was left to us, and out And one thing put in tho paper, that first to me didn't occur to her. That when I am dead at, last she bring me back And. lay me under the maples I planted years ago, , reled so. When she and I were happy, before we quar- And when sho dies, I wish that she would be laid by me ; agree. And lyin together in silence, perhaps wo will And if ever we meet in heaven, I wouldn't think it queer, have quarreled here. If we loved each other the better for what we Tub following very ingenious solution of the M prize puzzle published by us last, was fur nished to the A'itiial IntcUiurntxr many years ago by Arthur J. Stansbury, Esq., of Washing ton, D.-C; but came under observation for the first time only a few days since : What nobler object than tho Irte That rode the Deluge wave? Than light what brighter can there be That nature ever gave? The lawyer's case at last must turn On evidence alone. And through the earth, an sign of peace. The cross to all is known. The farmer's prompter sure must bo Th' aimnda ncs of his grain. And lum-rexixta nee is the onth , By troops and lovers ta'en. Fair Delia face between the earth And Sol's bright lamp appears, And richt are the prize unknown Which merit seldom wears. Bright inrjotf till the miser's dream ' 4nd load the Jewish crest. While an annuitu is wished By wife, alike, and priest. . My "noble spirit" thus with ease divines The corresponding word for all your lines. Your prize I claim, the money and the fume. For Alexandria is the city's name. Stales, Shtlcjjts, mttott&,t. Royal Reveries or 91. Quad, In an epistle indicted (o and published in tho Detroit Free I'ress, M. Quad ob serves : . If I should mount a throne I believe that I should tun this kin" business en tirely different from the manner ia which it is now conducted. I think the throne of Spain would suit me, and I haven't any doubts that I would just suit the Spanish after a few trials. If I didn't it would be because Ihej couldn't appreci-. ate the handsome thing. Besides having oysters and hot biscuit three times a day I fehould make a change in the matter of cookery. If any hotel keeper went to serving out hash under a French title two lines long I would give him a little law thai he'd never forget. Soups should be put down on the bill as soups, and if any waiter brought in thirteen napkins and a small bite of beef as the whole of a man's dinner I'd have my prime minister make the fellow chew napkins all the rest of his life. And when a traveler came to settlo his bill, and the proprietor went to arguing the three dollars per day idea, I should send for that landlord and ask him if he wouldn't bo content if three or four national banks were rolled in behind the desk, and tell him he could keep no tav crn in Spain, not while I was around As for the clerk, if he were like some that I know of his lamenting relatives would be dividing up his estate within twenly-four hours after I was crowned king. There's another thing which I have often thought of. I'd take little railroad excursions, carrying along a fair to medi um trunk, and I'd watch the baggage smashers. When they put the trunk on, and I found that both handles were gone, the lock broken, the lid split, the hinge bent, the ends knocked in, I'd pay : ''See here, my fine fellow, I want to see you at my office on a little private business." Iled naturally think of the Cross of the Legion of Honor, the red ribbon and the iron medal, but he'd change his mind when he saw the tho dangling rope and the gallows. He'd never smash another trunk not in Spain. As for ticket agenls at the depots, I should first give them warning. I'd enlighten them a little by informing Ihem that they could make just as many friends, and do just as much business, and have the road just as well thought of, by returning civil answers to travekis and by treating men and women as people ought to be treated. I'd tell him once, and if he didn't concur with my sentiments, why there'd be a good many lrienda around inquiring for him next day. There's another thing I'd do for Spain. First I'd issue the following call : "Special Notice, Every Spanish gentleman who desires to hold a fat office, with big pay and stealing attached, please meet at my ot&ce on thn first of Februa ry." They'd come. They'd come in wag one, carts, wheelbarrows, on canal boats, by railroad, balloon they'd come riding on each other's backs if there was no other conveyance. There would be a few respectable men hanging around, and I'd fix every one of them up with a pair of cowhide boots, soles four inches thick. I'd call the crowd in, one by one, aud after a Ehort address on the subject of the general desire to bold a very little office lor great deal of pay, I'd turn the gentle men around, give a nod to the kickers, and well, they could call around some other lime it they wanted any more offices. About woman's rights. I think I should have something to say about that. I'd get a lot of the femaleB who were gal ivanling around Spain howling for their rights, and I'd invite tbem to call on me, adding that I favored woman's rights very much. They'd call they'd be on band before daylight. If there were thir teen of them I'd have thirteen mops han dy, and the way these thirteen "righters" should handle these thirteen mops would make the splinters fly. Of course I would not seek to degrade a lady in any way ; but the mop was patented before women's rights, and somehow I never think of woman's rights without seeing a pair of pantaloons swinging in the air before me. I wouldn't meddle with, the Spanish religion,, not a bit. But in . attending church I'd keep an eye around,' and it wouldn't be long before I should see the loudest singer and most prominent respon ser pinching a cent before dropping it into the contribution box, at the same time hoping his neighbor; would drop in a dol lar greenback. I'd send - for the gentle man, and he could have his choice be tween being hit with a brick bat or kicked with a Spanish mule, and I'd ' see about his" contribution in future.". There's only one more thing. ' I'd go on a little jour ney over Spam, and call on every news paper man I could bear of, radical or democrat. Walking up to the chief man about the concern, I'd slap him on the back and ask after his wife and babies, and say-: 'See here, old boy, I'm running this Spanish king business now. If you want to abuse me or any other man, go ahead. If you hear of a mean trick, expose it j if you want to 6ay a good word for any body, do it. Here's a few Spanish milled dollars to help buy combs and crockery waro for the house and when yeu want a new cylinder prcse, why put my name on the order, and if you don't get the press by return mail I'll make a vacancy around some printing machinery depot." That's how I'd be king of Spain or any other country. But the more I think of the matter the less I am inclined to accept of a throne, for there's Long Primer and Small Pica all that I can leave them to begin life with is their father's unflinch ing respectability. A Generous Dog. "There is a wel authenticated anecdote of two fine dogs of Donaghadee," says the Messrs. Cham bers, in their "Anecdotes of Dogs," "in which the instinctive daring of the one in behalf of the other caused a friendship and as it should seem, a kind of lamenta-. tion for the dead after one of them had paid the debt of nature. This happened while the Government pier or harbor for the packet of Donaghadee was in the course of building, and it took place in the sight of several witnesses. The one dog was Newfoundland and the other was a mastiff. "They were both powerful dogs, and though each was goodnatured when alone tbey were very much in the habit of fight when they met. One day they had a fierce and prolonged battle on the pier, from the point of which they fell into the sea ; and, as the pier was long and steep, they had no means of escape but by swimming a considerable distance. Water thrown upon fighting dogs is an approved means of putting au end to their hoslili ties ; and it is natural to suppose that the combatants of the same species tumbling themselves into the sea would have the same effect. It bad, and each began to make for the land as he best could. "The Newfoundland, being an excellent swimmer, very speedily gained the pier, on which he stood shaking himself, but at the same time watching the motions of his late antagonist, who being no swim mer was struggling, exhausted, in the water, and just about to sink. In dashed the Newfoundland 3og, took the other gently by the collar, kept hia head above water, and brought him safely on shore. There was a peculiar kind of recognition between the two animals ; they never fought again ; they were always together; and when the Newfoundland dog had been accidently killed by the passage of a stone wagon on the railway over him, the other languished and evidently lamented for a long time." A Veky Remarkable Rat We of ten hear stories related of the wonderful cunning of the rat, but one is told says the Ogdensburg, N. Y Journal of a re cent occurrence in which a real old gray rat was the hero, and the incident whereof took place in that city, which is equal to the best. A lady who had a number of fine hens, to which she had been devoting a good deal of care and attention during the winter, in hopes to obtain an early and a fair crop of fresh eggs, was sur prised at the meagre result actually reach ed. The hens made noise, in singing and cackling, enough for everyday layers, and yet only occasionally did she get an The lady at length determined to watch operations, and ascertain if possible the cause of failure. She saw the hens go upon the nest, but if she was not present when they come off no egg was found At length constant watching and wailing solved the mystery. A day or two since, a hen came off the nest and commenced cackling. Almost instantly an old rat came out of a hole, and running into a barrel, which was thrown down upon its side, and in which the hen's nest was, a once nosed the egg out upon the ground, then laid down upon its back, and getting the egg between its fore paws and nose, commenced squealing, when two other rats came out, and taking the rat with the egg by the hind legs, dragged it, egg and all, into the hole. If any one can tell a more remarkable rat story than this we would like to hear it. A Big Rope. An account of the larg est rope in the world, as described in one of the daily papers at Birmingham, Eng land the place of its manafacture will orove interesting to the American reader. According to the details given the rope is 11,100 yards long, measures 5 inches in circumference, and weighs over sixty tons. Made of patent charcoal wire, laid round a, hemp centre, the rope consists of six strands, with ten wires in each strand. Each wire measures 12, ICO yards, so that the entire length of the wire reaches the enormous total of more than 412 miles. To this is to be added the length of yarn used for the centre," namely, twenty-seven threads, each thread measuring 15,000 yards, and giving a total length of about 230 miles. Adding together tle wire and yarn, there is a grand total of G35 of ma terial, all going to make a monster wire and hemp rope a little under six mile long. "Why do you oppose the giving of the ballot to women !" asked a lady the other evening of a confidential bachelor. "Excuse me, madam," replied he, "but 1 havo not sufficient confidence in their capacity to conduct government affairs." "WThat evidence of their mental inferi ority to mankind can you adduce V que ried the lady. "A simple fact is enough to satisfy my mind, and that is the fright ful way in which tbey do put up their back hair. Josh Rulings on Corn. Korn z a serial, i am glad ov it. It got its name from Series, a primitiff woman, and In her day, the goddess ov oats, and sich like. Korn iz sumtimes called mnU", and it grows in some parts of the western coun try, very amaizenly. I hav seen it out thare 18 foot high (i don't mean the aktuat korn itself, bnt the tree on which it grows ) Korn haz ears, but never haz but one ear, which iz az deef az an adder. Injun meal iz made out ov.korn, and korn dodgers iz made out ov injun meal, and korn dodgers are the tuffest cbnnks, ; ov the bread purswashun, known" to man. Korn dodgers are made out of water, with injun meal mixed into it, and then baked on a hard board, in the presence ov a hot fire. When you kant drive a 10 penny nail into them, with a sledge hammer, they are sed, bi good judges, to be well done, and are reddy to be chawed upon. They will keep five years, in a damp place, and not gro tender, and a dog hit with one of them will yell for a week, and then crawl under the barn, and mut ter for two days more. I hav knawed two hours miself on one side of a korn dodger without produsing enny result, and i think i could starve to death twice before i could seduce a korn dodger. - They git the name dodger from the im megiate necessity ov dodging, if one iz hove horizantally at yu in anger. It iz far better to be smote bi a 3 year old steer, 'than a korn dodger, that iz only threo hours old. Korn was fust diskovered bi the injuns, but whare they found it I don't know, and i don't know as i care. Whiekee, (noble whiskee,) is mada out ov korn, and whiskee is one ov the great est blessings known tew man. We never should have bin able to fill our state prisons with energetick men, and our poor houses with good eaters, if it want for blessed whiskee. We never should have bad enny tem perance sons ov society, nor prize fites, nor good murders, nor phatt aldermen, nor whiskee rings, nor nothing, if it want for noble whiskee. If it want for korn, how could enny boddy git korned ? And if it want for gitting korned, what would life be worth ? We should all sink down to the level of the brutes if it want for gitting korned. The brutes don't git korned, they haint got enny reason nor soul. We often hear ov "drunken Irutes" this is a kompliment to oxen which don't belong tew them. Korns also haz kurnels, and kurnels are often korned, so are brigadeer-ginerals Johnny kake is made out ov korn, so iz hasty puddin. Hasty puddin and milk is quick to eat. All you hav got to do iz to gap, and swallo, and that iz the last uv the puddin. Ivorn whs familiar to antiquity Jo seph was sent down into Egipt after sum korn, but his brothers didn't want him to go, so they took pitty on him and pitted him tn a pit. When his brothers got back hum, and were asked whare Joe waz, they didn't acknowledga the korn, but lied sum. It has been proved, that it iz wicked to lie about korn, or enny ov the other vege tables." There is this difference between licing, and sawing wood, it iz easier to lie, es pecially in the shade. Korn has got ODe tiling that noboddy else has got, and that iz a kob. This kob runs thru the middle of the korn, and is as phull ov korn as Job was ov biles.' 1 alwus'fevl sorry when x think ov Job, and wonder how he managed tew sit down in a chair. Knowing how tew set down, Equare on a bile, without hurling the chair, iz one ov the lost arts. Job was a card, he had more pashunce and biles tew the square inch than iz usual. One hundred and twenty-five akers ov corn to the bushel is konsiderad a good krop, but i have seen more. I hav seen corn sold for 10 cents a bushel, and in sum parts of the western country, it iz so much, that thare aint no good law against stealing it. In konklushun, if you want tew git a sure crop ov korn, and a good price for the krop, feed about 4 quarts ov it to a shanghi rooster, then murder the rooster immejiately, and sell him for 17 cents a pound, krop and all. A professor in one of our theological seminaries relates this incident : Being in Germany, with a red covered book in his haud, a German, supposing the book to be 'Murray," asked in English if he was an Englishman. The professor replied in German that he was not. The conver sation presently turned upon an object of architectural beauty near at hand, in the course of which the professor incidently raised the question of its cost. "Sir," exclaimed the German, instantly, "you are an American 1" "How do you know that ?" rejoined the professor. 'Sir," continued the German, striking an atti tude and assuming a tone of great solemn ity, 'opon the resurrection morn, when we stand before the great white throne, the first question of every American in the whole assemblage will bo,IIowjmuch did that throno cost V" Struck, by Lightning. UOVf IT FEEI3 A VOICE FROM THE SHAD OW OF DEATH. The Chicago T ribune has the following from Rochelle, III. : On the evening of the tenth day of July, 1870, I was struck, by lightning under the following circum stances : I am a farmer, and had gone to the pasture, three-fourths of a mile from he house, on horseback to drive borne some cows. A heavy shower bad just fallen, accompanied by much lightning and loud thunder, and a little rain was still falling we would say it was sprink ling, While riding through the field I discovered a small cluster of cockle-burrs, a noxious weed that infests many farms in this section of the county. The cat tle were feeding near me. I dismounted and held the horse with one hand, and proceeded to pull up the burrs with the other. While stooping to pull op the last one, my hand grasped close to the root, the horse standing with his bead partly over my stooping bodyi A FLASH OK IJGI1TNINO struck the horse, entering his head in and behind bis left ear, tearing two holes in the skin behind the ear, and though bo was wet with the rain, the hair was singed from his head, neck and shoulders, and one frout leg to the ground j be, of course, was instantly killed. A small por tion of the electrc fluid struck mo on tho right temple, singing tho lashes of tho right eye, and slightly burning or scalding the face, rendering me unconscious for a little time. The following were the sen sations and phenomena as I observed and remember them : First, I felt myself enveloped in a sheet of perfectly white light, accompanied by a sense of suffoca tion by heat. The light could be seen as well through the back of the head as with the eyes, and appeared to extend several feet on all sides of me j then I experi enced a sense of danger, and tried to es cape injury from ray horse. Then fol lowed A TROUBLED DREAM, in which I was hauling a load of hay in company with another person, and in spite of all the effort I could make to avoid it, the load of hay was about to fall on me. When in the dream I made a last desperate effort to spring from under the load of hay, I found myself standing on my feet. The firBt thing I observed was that the cattle, in fright, were run ning from me, and next, that I stood in front of the prostrate horse. Instantly I comprehended the situation, and listened to hear the thunder that should have ac companied the lightning, but no thunder could be heard. I felt no pain and no sensation, except a mental exultation, which lasted but a few seconds. At first I thought the lightning had struck near me, and had slighgtly stunned the horse and myself. Then I observed the water on every hair and the moisture of the eyes, nostrils and mouth of the horse to be boiling, having tho appearance and making a noise like fine drops of water on a hoi iron, which continued for several seconds. This was a phenomenon I havo never heard of, probably because a per son near enough to see it is most always rendered unconscious too long to make the observation. Judging from the dis tance the cattle had run, I was uncon scious less than six second. Finding that the horse did not breatho, I proceeded to pull off the saddle and bri dle, and then I felt a severe pain in my head, which continued for several hours, followed by soreness which seemed to bo in the substance of the brain, with an in clination to inflammation, but at the end of a week no effects of the lightning were felt. An Editor Sued. The editor of the Muscatine, Iowa, Courier was sued the other day. He took it philosophically. Hear him : 'The dim recesses of our dark sanetum were illuminated yesterday by the rubi- cund visage of Constable Scott. Our hair. stood on end, ns, with tears in bis eyes, he proceeded to read a very nicely printed blank on which our name figured conspiciously with that of Justice Klein. "To cut short a long article, wo were sued ! Were you ever sued reader ? Nice, aint it! We put our pen behind our ear and looked wise at the officer. He trembled a little, for the idea of suing an editor was new to him. He never imagined that anything could be got out of 'them fellers, by suing we didn't either. We don't now. "The art of suing is a science. Young lawyers who are anxious for suits some times bring them for . fun. Old ones, however, never do anything of the kind : unless they can get something. We never knew' anybody to get anything where there wasn't anything to be had. "We hope they'll get a judgment against Us 5 then we hope they'll tak? out an execution ; and lastly, we be they'll execute it. If we've got any property we'd like to know it. They might garnishee a lot of- other fellows wa owe around town. We guess they will. If they're sharp they'll commence on George Schneider. We owe him for n glass of beer. If they would get that it would help a little. Failing in this, we commend them to attach a box of soiled 1 paper collars we bavo on hand. They have not been turned yet, and tbey might use the clean side. If this won't do are unable to help them." I I i S n ' 11
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers