gipi.BE, Editor and Publisher.
DK 13 A FREEMAN TVIIOH THE TRUTH MAKES FREE, AND ALL ARE SLATES EESIDE.
Terms, $2 pr year In advance
VOLUME 5.
EBENSBURG, PA., SATURDAY, MAY 13, 1871.
NUMBER 16.
j(ir MrwHSfwrofcu
fjlB SCHOOL. !
ft''for Graduates. Refer to patrons in
r.-ites. aim tuenniy one prvimig
t,. .iares
!trr'H.G. KA-TMAX, L.L.D., President.
MYBBURG SEMINARY,
4k HOl.I.niAYSnUKG, PA.
3 ' ti nir It nil f In l-.tll I'l'irtti
pa.'' ' ' ...... ...... . - - ... . i.
i ii'1m,L.i1i1 Price 1 .1st M TiUtma A .1
A rt-mojy which has been tested
for 10 years, and prored in thou
aiids of rase, capable of curing ft
Z:xiki d th Threat tni Lns; per
forming nianv remnrkable cure
merits ti il from all who are suf.
ferinK from similar affections ano
rainlT seeking relief. pi let
jjvcct yea inm feeing eur4 iliol
asiKlt The Prucgists say it cures tbem all
.-v-ln- relief HnJ cure, of it are marvelous.
i-Every sufferer will find relief and cure
,sa require oniv a tew doses.
rawt H cured ciues pronounced incurabU
.--11 renovHwa ami uiviorHLes me system.
Jiosi enecti ve reguintor ot this organ
1 lt, Lpalihv HTtion on Ltifl stomnoh nurit ift
jjs.-H heiilth-jtiving and appetite restoring.
y.rr::i-A.i'"onoiirnein isniarKedand prompt
?22 Z? TA2 ia rich in the medicinal
L:. . f T.i.-, combined with Tegrtable ingre
:s d i!" iruute i value, which make it nnsur
!. sm f n!r f.ir ilie complaints enumerated
: ; r.::i; :::-r:5 sxiitr.si r.rcirth, cleanses the
zk:.. rciifs the Liver and puts them to work.
u"iefcod to ilii;e.-t, and makes pure blood.
Ma 1 liTacitj appreciated by both sound and
; ?. rca Hr n,..i:l.l in anv wav. we know if vnn
t-Hi-f.rZ3 ::z'.z j;eni83"of lr. Crook's Wine
x, ;.u ir.ii sua your itstiraonT to its great
: :: correcting unv "ills that 'flfsh is he;r
' r:ei only l.y tLm2 Z2ZZZ ft 00. Sold bv
r.TU" Tcrvw crn.
k
I'jtiMS cf :h3 I?cj. or Scroftija "n"nnv
mci i :f ,-:ie.ii. IrepUcse, Fip-.os, E:ila lit
?, S:s.l i.tai, z:ztT3, :zi eli Ccrej, or any
fl.senfe riepenriing nn a depraved con
dition of the f lood, take Ir. Crecl'l C-3-;ri
C-r.; cf Fi3 2::t It is combined
.tn th l.est tonic preparations of iron
kanwn, and is the best Alterative and
Mood I nrfier made. CIsaise Jtlt llsed.
Tnr one Hotiie. Sold by Druggists.
I'reinred only V v 00
ClTTi2 rcrxs ft CO., rajtea, Q.
f
'Sinr. rfi nousr. I'owitr.n io
-i .'Mi-k. Ited Horsp Trade Mark.) oim:h
' 'w'l.'I'rt.-Aaroii Snvder's, V. S. AsMst-i-wti-r.
Mount .Ktna. Pa. ; C. Hiicnn' Liv-
r-iruaiiKe stnl.to. SiHitmrv, Pa. llr'
I; i'vl.-i-.-Volf i Wilhelin's, Danville,
1 A. r...i 5, M'-rchant. Washington ville. Pa. :
v No:ui;tkfr"s, Jersev Shore. Pa. Jforw
;, Lniiij f.-ivr.-Hes & liro.'s, Lewisl.nrg,
', '"f! '' "!i-Thos. ClinganV. I'nion
j. ;.; ,-,, f cuuln-a .- H. Purr's, II. &
-'r?'u;1's- Mn,,,n- ','-urd.-lir.Me-
J. n. McLormick's, Milton. Pa. f'hirk
' j.'ou d d (. 1 r. It. T. Krohs
7R- ': Pr.T'.fi. Iiavi-.r.W. Sticker.
1 !;ia:;:csrit!V..-y. M:!ton. i'a. Hundreds
! -ho.Pi.tnck was saved bv
'u'V-v ." rv' r"v-'''' r propnid bv CY-
,:'i ';,;-Wt- 'l(-tnist and liorse
", r t ".'d'-sale aud P. t.iil Drtttr unf
. Et"Pnuiu. Uroadwav. Milton, Pa., to
ih oruci-8 should be udjlres-ed
iOR$7 PEE' LINE !
- in ias.ri an advertisement
OueHundred and Fifty-five Fir.ci,a
"Sizsylvaiiia Newspapers I
Iat'.u;:ng El.-vcn Dailie
"rr"m..l,i!lty is set free.
i.tr rr;
- .. ' , iiitos. - Co., Iloston.
'"jfiAHT SAF0LIE1TE
I',!"." I."'1 nU ki,",s cr Cloths and
: :th, t tl, Kml ;T Tar. &e.. rt.
-""Id k , injury to the finest
Km iM v and Fancy OcmkIs
'; " X V ,rk L'1 KX E .,3:J Bar-
. . fc
0:1.?: fKR7 with Stenoll Tool..
:l:i nAHAM, Springfield, Vrt.
PP e Parer. Corerand Slicer. Price c'.0O.
flNTSTREAlTTHisr
7.leC0"1"liS.ion to uell oi.r nour n,l
n
m
s
m
:auh J",,ve-Cen for a Tickt and
valuV v ,1 -"achin;, Pianc, or w.nie
P i-k- ,...h anks. Six for One Dollar.
a. co., Cincinnati, Ohio.
'paper
Advcrtisiiiflf.
V' flf lor
i 5
- 'i;i,t .i c'osel V printed tmio-m. Intelv ls
MAli,,, !Stf.the,t American Ad
""Ifiii",. !: .'1Ynjf the numes, circula-
Hn',V,i)iy Political
'tir1.V'-"-ther vrith nil
"a- Aifi m." in the interest of
:Wl"T.anV. ,Ure' I-'tratiire, &c.. Every
1r"ir S1...1! ' Person who uoiitemiilates
-Hill , " II11S
TN. ti t ii an v ad.ln
i- 1. 1. will . -
book of srreat
resa on receipt of
1 60 JU.. Fub
' ' '' .riftl P0 .
" fit,.!.. " liOW. 7
Sew York. 1
ill,.. ' " : "Tin firm 11 I U,..ll jt.
711 "it. lsftutr.r. In It ihkiio of
"tin. 1. "'Willis lntirif,l irr Hurt vuliial..
Mii iw. . . r" "iiu ui
'""Ik,,
I'niiw w auu Uetit Advertising Aren-
r',1(' "'attention of thote who rto
niti. ;'.r usineKH eiiililirjlly
. THlli. ""oiiii.-rn 1., ii iiaiiiaiij
V'w--ure ti ly in such a way: that Is,
'ust tiif'n air(st amount of publicity
'iki. - illi'ir liii
OUD HOTEL,
b PHPt tn Successful
"i at years th well-kn
j 1 f; w W MP n-a.
PropV.
' ,"--'&! hi.IT"' Caml'ria Co., Pa. All man
CoUeAiVr.nio'; .? Promptlyland
--.-..a a specially.
J rt "" 'r tt Ihi-incs- or Academic Eduea
c: ':-''t'"Hii CuIIoirB. Poughkeepsie. X. Y. It
s-fiW;", , vii.N(iiie Prarlieal School
H00MIKGTON (ILL.) NURSERY.
-uv. ir tvm Acres. 13 Greenhouses. Larg
3, rt-'uit-ull sizes. Host Stock! Low
4 ' Would you know hat. When, How
fruit. rMiade, Evergreen Trees, Root
."'ionlliiiirs, Osage Plants, Apple Seed,
.'H,.'l'i it.it of s. Shrubs. Hoses, Greenhouse
"n. tcl' I tili-st. Best olloction Sorts
' i,.tnl m cents for New, Illustrated,
; n.tiiloiriie '.) pages. Send stamn.
fciisl
pi,,. anovo Hovenlh,
Vv v nEI'Pnu PA-
Tf.rmr,;i,n "Ple capacity for 250
'r"' fortt y f,lr'''l throufc-hout.
:iv,tlHl..i, ,e tption of irucpts, by tho
ly conduct
own Moun-
the: great
OAK HALL
EMPORIUM!
241 Main Street, Johnstown.
S, J, HESS & BR0T1R
HAVE NOW OX IIAKD
The Largest, Best Made
ASD MOST DDHADLE
Slock n Clotlsiiig
EVER. KEPT IX JOIISSTOWM,
consisting chiefly of
MEN'S COATS.
MEN'S PANTS.
MEN'S VESTS :
YOUTnS' COATS.
YOUTHS' PANTS.
YOUTHS' VESTS;
BOYS' COATS.
BOYS' PANTS.
BOYS' VESTS.
Wa hare also corstantljr !n stock a complete
assortment of
SST'S FL'RMSniXO GOODS.
Hats, Caps, Trunks, Valises, &c.
r?TWe are prepared to make to order Cloth
ing of every description t.u the shortest notice.
Call al Ko. 241 Main Street,
AND SEE HOW IT IS YOUr.SEL.VES !
Johnstown, April 22, lSTl.-Cin.
iNEW FIRM OLD STAXD
GOOD GOODS & GREAT BARGAINS
I'OU THE READT ASH I
HAVING become proprietor? of the STORE
KOO.M and STOCK OF GOODS recently be
longing to 11. A. Shoemaker & Co., and having
purchuscd an additional
STOCK OF NEW GOODS
I A' U It EAT VAlilETY,
wo ara now prepared to supply all the old cus
tomers or rne iate tirtn, and as manv new ones
as will patronize uf, with (ioods of all kinds at
PRICES FULLY AS LOW
as any other merchant in or' out of Cambria
county. It is our intention to keep our Store
constantly stovked with a full and well selected
assortment of DHV liODIiS, DUKSS COODS,
rAJNt.l t.OODS, .NOTIONS. HOOTS, SHOKS,
HATS. OA PS. CLOTH 1 Nti. CA KPKTS. FL'KNI-
TL'PF. OIL CLOTHS, o V KF.NS WA 1! I'. GHo
CKHIKS, FLOCK, HACOX, FISH. SALT, TO
BACCO. CIGAKS. and all other articles, large
or small, that can be found in any store of like
character in the county ; and as wo intend to
SEL.L. EXCUSIVELY lor CASH
OR COl'NTItY PROOrCE,
and make no bad debts, we feel sure that our
stock and our prices will not only Fecure but
retain lor us a liberal share, or putrouage.
EARLY VISITS FROM ONE AND ALL
are reKixx-tf ullv Kolieited. nnd If w foil tn ren
der entire satisfaction, both as regards the qual
ity of our gK)ds and the prices asked for them.
It will certainly be no fault of th new firm at
the old stand of Shoemaker t Co., High street.
Don't forget to nail and we'll not forget to giro
you full value for your money.
RS & LLOYD.
Ebensburg, Jan. 2S, lS71-tf.
GOOD FOR WILMORE !
THE LADIES COMPLIMENTED ! !
New Firm ana Neit Goods.
IT hag been conceded of late years that
the ladies of Wilmore and vicinity arc the
fnir-st ns well as the inost sensible of unv lo
cality in the count-, which may probably in
part be accounted tor by the tact, notyet gen
erally known, that they buy all their .Milline
ry. iret ami t'anry ,mmN at the SEW
STOKE of K. I'A I I. C.. who hnve Just
opened out the largest and most complete stock
ever brought to Wilmore. consisting of DRY
GOODS. DUKSS GOODS, MILLINKKV GOODS,
NOTIONS, J i ATS, CAPS. HOOTS and SHOKS,
HAHDWAUK, QUEEXSWAUK, GKOCEHIES,
&c, &c., iwhich they sell at Johnstown prices
for cash or In exchange for country produce.
J-"rV"Call and see for yourselves at the New
Building, one door East of the new United
Urethrcn church. E. PALL. & CO.
Vi llinore, Nov. 17, 18.0.-Cm.
ORPHANS' COURT SALE
BY virtue of an alias order of the Orphans'
Court of Cambria county to the undersigned
directed, there will be exposed to Public Sale,
on the premises in Jackson township, on Tnes
tiny I lie lttlh day ol May next, at 2 o'clock.
p. m., the following described Heal Estate, of
which Peter llager died seized, to wit : A PI EC 12
OK PARCEL OF LAND situate in the township
of Jackson, county ot catnoria, adjoining lands
of George Wehn, Sam'l Albaiigb, Fisher Heirs,
and others, containing 17 Acre, more or less,
about Rti Acres of which are cleared, having
thereon erected a one-and-a-half story LOG
HOUSE. This Land will be sold as one piece or
in lots to suit customers.
Tmmiof Salt, One-third of the mirchase mon
ey to be paid on confirmation of the sale, and
tne residue in two equal annual payments, witn
interest, to be secured by mortgage and judg
ment bonds of the purchaser.
MICHAEL H. RACER, Adm'r.
Jackson Twp., April 29, lb?l.-0t.
O TRAY" COW. Came to the premises
of the subscriler, in Carroll township, Cam
bria county, about the 1-th day of April, Inst.,
a LIGHT hKDCOW, with a white spot on tho
right side of her forehead, white tolly, a white
spot on each Hank, anK-wWre on the end of her
tail ; supposed to Je about four year-sold. The.
owner is requested to come forwurd, prove pro
perty, ity charges andtake her away, other
wise she will bo disposed of a';uordimr to law.
LEONARD FARAUAUGH.
Carroll township, April 2U, Ib71.-Ut.?
17 XECUTOR'S N O TI C E.
Estate of Matthias Diirrnir.cn, dee'd.
Letters Testamentary having been granted by
the Register of Cambria county to tho under
signed on the estate of Mathias Dietriech, late
of Chest township, dee'd, notice is hereby given
to all persons indebted to said estate to make
payment without delay, and those having claims
to present thein In proper form for settlement.
JACOB KIP.LER, Executor.
I MISER LAND FOR SALE. The
subscriber offers for sale on accommoda
ting terms, SO Acre of Timber IhikI in
Chest township, some seven miles north of Car
rolltown. Bald Tract is covered with Poplar,
Linn and Pine Timber, and is within one-fourth
mile of a Saw Mill. For terms and other infor
mation call on or write to
JOHN J. WARNER,
t-l.-tf.J Et. Lawrence, Cambria Co., Pa.
TVTESSRS. E. I'AUL & CO. have the
finest stock and cheapest store in Wilmore.
VcrbtuH sat &'apicftt .' apr.15.-3t.
&)e IJott s gtpartmtnf.
A IVEW POEM HY A KEW POET.
The following ballad is the production of W.
M. Cahi.kton, of Hillsdale. Michigan, & young
poet who gives unmistakable evidence of true
lyric genius. His verses have hitherto been
chiefly published in the columns of the Toledo
Jilade, in which the following appeared, but we
are informed that the conductor of that jour
nal the other dayjreceived a letter from Messrs.
Harpers, requesting the privilege of copying
and illustrating the ballad for their Weekly.
This will induct him into a wide sphere. It is
also stated that the author has now a volume of
poems in press. Whether Mr. Carleton will be
able to sustain himself at his present height of
course cannot now be told. The probabilities
are in his favor. It is true there have been
many instances of sudden and dazzling poetic
blaze, succeeded by a life-time of the most fee
ble twilight; but the poem we print below isof
so unusual an order of excellence for a young
writer, that we are justified in expecting a con
tinuance of his creative power. In some re
spects it will compare favorably with Tenny
son's "Northern Farmer," which it resembles,
not however in any slavish seuse, but as be
longing to the same class. It is verv touching
the homely, honest obstinacy which gradual
ly, as the remembrance of his wife's household
virtues, and her ministrations in his sickness,
and of "the child that was left" to them, melts
and softens the old man into tenderness and af
fection. It is a very hcuutiful idyl of home
spun life, with its infelicities and sanctities, its
anxieties and hungers, its longings and loves
and cares. There was no separation, we'll go
bail, in spite of his determinate purpose and of
the lawyer's papers.
BETSY AND I ARE OUT.
A FARM BALLAD.
Draw tip the papers, lawyer, and make 'em
good and stout; and 1 ure out.
i-or things at home are cross-ways, and lletsy
We who have worked together so long as man
MIU-.wife' , L'ral life.
Must pull in single harness the rc6t of our uat-
Whut is the matter?" say you. I swan J it's
hard to tell ; ve ry well ;
Most of the years behind us we've passed by
1 have no other woman she has no other man.
Only we,ve lived together as long as we ever can.
So I've talked with Betsy, aud Betsy has tulked
with me; agree;
So we've agreed together that we can never
Not that we've catched each other in any terri
ble crime; time.
W e ve been gatheriu this for years, little ut a
There was a stock of temper we both had for a
start; apurt ;
Although ne'er suspected it would take us two
1 had my various failings bred in the ties a and
bone, of her own.
And Betsy, like all good women, had a temper
The first thing that I remember whereon we
disagreed, iu our creed.
V as something concerning heaven a difference
We arg'ed the thing at breakfast we urg ed
the thing at tea we didn't agree.
And the more we arg'ed the question, the more
And the next that I remember was wheu we
lost a i ow ; was only how ?
She had kicked the bucket.certain thequestion
I held my own opinion, and Hctsv anotiier had:
And when we wcicdoneu talkin', we both ol
us was mud.
And the next that I remember, it started In a
jk ; spoke.
But full for a week it lusted, and neither or us
And the next was when I scolded becuuse she
broke a bowl; unv soul.
And she said I was moan and stingy, aud hadn't
And so that bowl kept pourin' dissensions in
our cup; comin'up;
And so that bhimed cow-critter was always a
And so 1 hat heaven we urg'cd no nearer to ns
Jfot ; times as hot.
But it gave us a taste of somethin' a thousand
And so the thing ke pt workin", and all the self
same way ; to say.
Always something to arg'e and somethin' sharp
And down on us came the neighbors, a couple '
dozen strong, thing along.
And lent their kindest service for to help the
And there has been days together and many a
weary week too proud to speak.
We were both of us cross and spunk v, and both
Aud I've been thinkiu' and thiukiu " tho whole
of the winter and full, won't at all.
If I can't live kind with a woman, why, then I
And so I have talked with Betsy, and Betsy has
talked with me, ngree ;
And we ha vt agreed together that we can never
And what is hers shall be hers, aud what is mine
shall be mine ; her to sign.
And 1 11 put it in the agreement, and take it to
Write on the paper, lawyer the very first par
agraph have her half ;
or all the farm and live stock, that she shall
For she has helped to earn it through many a
weary day, hus her pay.
And it s nothiu' more than justice that Betsy
Give her the house and homestead ; a man can
thrive and roam, have a home.
But women are skeery critters, uuless they
And 1 have always determined, and never failed
pa-v. . taken away.
That Betsy never should want a home, if I was
There is a little hard money that's drawin tol
'rable pay ; day ;
A couple of hundred dollars laid hy for a rainy
Safo in the hands of good men, and easy to get
at:
of
give her
that.
Put In another clause, there, and
half
Yes, I see you smile, sir, at my givin' her so
much; such.
l.es, divorce is cheap, sir. but I take no stock in
True and Tair I married her, when she was
blithe and young; - with her tongue.
And Betsy was al'ays good to me, excepting
Once, when I was young as you, and not so
smart, perhaps, other chaps;
For me she mittcned a lawyer, ami several
And all of 'em was Mustered and fairly taken
down, in town.
And I for a time was counted the luckiest man
Once when I had a fever I won't forget it
soon loon
I was hot as a roasted turkey, and crazy as a
Never nn hour went by whtu she was out of
sights day and night.
She nursed me true and tender, and stuck to me
And If ever a house was tidy, and ever a kitchen
clean, seen ;
Her bouse and kitchen were tidy, us any I ever
And I don't complain of Betsy, or any of her
acts other facts.
Exceptin' when we've quarreled, and told each
So draw up the paper, lawyer, and 111 go home
to-night, all right;
And read the agreement to her, and see if it's
And then in the momin I'll sell to a tradin
man I know, in the world I'll go.
And kiss the child that was left to us, and out
And one thing put in tho paper, that first to me
didn't occur to her.
That when I am dead at, last she bring me back
And. lay me under the maples I planted years
ago, , reled so.
When she and I were happy, before we quar-
And when sho dies, I wish that she would be
laid by me ; agree.
And lyin together in silence, perhaps wo will
And if ever we meet in heaven, I wouldn't
think it queer, have quarreled here.
If we loved each other the better for what we
Tub following very ingenious solution of the
M prize puzzle published by us last, was fur
nished to the A'itiial IntcUiurntxr many years
ago by Arthur J. Stansbury, Esq., of Washing
ton, D.-C; but came under observation for the
first time only a few days since :
What nobler object than tho Irte
That rode the Deluge wave?
Than light what brighter can there be
That nature ever gave?
The lawyer's case at last must turn
On evidence alone.
And through the earth, an sign of peace.
The cross to all is known.
The farmer's prompter sure must bo
Th' aimnda ncs of his grain.
And lum-rexixta nee is the onth ,
By troops and lovers ta'en.
Fair Delia face between the earth
And Sol's bright lamp appears,
And richt are the prize unknown
Which merit seldom wears.
Bright inrjotf till the miser's dream '
4nd load the Jewish crest.
While an annuitu is wished
By wife, alike, and priest. .
My "noble spirit" thus with ease divines
The corresponding word for all your lines.
Your prize I claim, the money and the fume.
For Alexandria is the city's name.
Stales, Shtlcjjts, mttott&,t.
Royal Reveries or 91. Quad,
In an epistle indicted (o and published
in tho Detroit Free I'ress, M. Quad ob
serves : .
If I should mount a throne I believe
that I should tun this kin" business en
tirely different from the manner ia which
it is now conducted. I think the throne
of Spain would suit me, and I haven't
any doubts that I would just suit the
Spanish after a few trials. If I didn't it
would be because Ihej couldn't appreci-.
ate the handsome thing. Besides having
oysters and hot biscuit three times a day
I fehould make a change in the matter of
cookery. If any hotel keeper went to
serving out hash under a French title two
lines long I would give him a little law
thai he'd never forget. Soups should be
put down on the bill as soups, and if any
waiter brought in thirteen napkins and a
small bite of beef as the whole of a man's
dinner I'd have my prime minister make
the fellow chew napkins all the rest of
his life. And when a traveler came to
settlo his bill, and the proprietor went to
arguing the three dollars per day idea, I
should send for that landlord and ask him
if he wouldn't bo content if three or four
national banks were rolled in behind the
desk, and tell him he could keep no tav
crn in Spain, not while I was around
As for the clerk, if he were like some
that I know of his lamenting relatives
would be dividing up his estate within
twenly-four hours after I was crowned
king.
There's another thing which I have
often thought of. I'd take little railroad
excursions, carrying along a fair to medi
um trunk, and I'd watch the baggage
smashers. When they put the trunk on,
and I found that both handles were gone,
the lock broken, the lid split, the hinge
bent, the ends knocked in, I'd pay : ''See
here, my fine fellow, I want to see you
at my office on a little private business."
Iled naturally think of the Cross of the
Legion of Honor, the red ribbon and the
iron medal, but he'd change his mind
when he saw the tho dangling rope and
the gallows. He'd never smash another
trunk not in Spain. As for ticket
agenls at the depots, I should first give
them warning. I'd enlighten them a little
by informing Ihem that they could make
just as many friends, and do just as much
business, and have the road just as well
thought of, by returning civil answers to
travekis and by treating men and women
as people ought to be treated. I'd tell
him once, and if he didn't concur with my
sentiments, why there'd be a good many
lrienda around inquiring for him next day.
There's another thing I'd do for Spain.
First I'd issue the following call :
"Special Notice, Every Spanish
gentleman who desires to hold a fat office,
with big pay and stealing attached, please
meet at my ot&ce on thn first of Februa
ry." They'd come. They'd come in wag
one, carts, wheelbarrows, on canal boats,
by railroad, balloon they'd come riding
on each other's backs if there was no
other conveyance. There would be a
few respectable men hanging around, and
I'd fix every one of them up with a pair
of cowhide boots, soles four inches thick.
I'd call the crowd in, one by one, aud
after a Ehort address on the subject of the
general desire to bold a very little office
lor great deal of pay, I'd turn the gentle
men around, give a nod to the kickers,
and well, they could call around some
other lime it they wanted any more offices.
About woman's rights. I think I
should have something to say about that.
I'd get a lot of the femaleB who were gal
ivanling around Spain howling for their
rights, and I'd invite tbem to call on me,
adding that I favored woman's rights
very much. They'd call they'd be on
band before daylight. If there were thir
teen of them I'd have thirteen mops han
dy, and the way these thirteen "righters"
should handle these thirteen mops would
make the splinters fly. Of course I would
not seek to degrade a lady in any way ;
but the mop was patented before women's
rights, and somehow I never think of
woman's rights without seeing a pair of
pantaloons swinging in the air before me.
I wouldn't meddle with, the Spanish
religion,, not a bit. But in . attending
church I'd keep an eye around,' and it
wouldn't be long before I should see the
loudest singer and most prominent respon
ser pinching a cent before dropping it into
the contribution box, at the same time
hoping his neighbor; would drop in a dol
lar greenback. I'd send - for the gentle
man, and he could have his choice be
tween being hit with a brick bat or kicked
with a Spanish mule, and I'd ' see about
his" contribution in future.". There's only
one more thing. ' I'd go on a little jour
ney over Spam, and call on every news
paper man I could bear of, radical or
democrat. Walking up to the chief man
about the concern, I'd slap him on the
back and ask after his wife and babies,
and say-:
'See here, old boy, I'm running this
Spanish king business now. If you want
to abuse me or any other man, go ahead.
If you hear of a mean trick, expose it j
if you want to 6ay a good word for any
body, do it. Here's a few Spanish milled
dollars to help buy combs and crockery
waro for the house and when yeu want a
new cylinder prcse, why put my name on
the order, and if you don't get the press by
return mail I'll make a vacancy around
some printing machinery depot."
That's how I'd be king of Spain or any
other country. But the more I think of
the matter the less I am inclined to accept
of a throne, for there's Long Primer and
Small Pica all that I can leave them to
begin life with is their father's unflinch
ing respectability.
A Generous Dog. "There is a wel
authenticated anecdote of two fine dogs of
Donaghadee," says the Messrs. Cham
bers, in their "Anecdotes of Dogs," "in
which the instinctive daring of the one in
behalf of the other caused a friendship
and as it should seem, a kind of lamenta-.
tion for the dead after one of them had
paid the debt of nature. This happened
while the Government pier or harbor for
the packet of Donaghadee was in the
course of building, and it took place in the
sight of several witnesses. The one dog
was Newfoundland and the other was a
mastiff.
"They were both powerful dogs, and
though each was goodnatured when alone
tbey were very much in the habit of fight
when they met. One day they had a
fierce and prolonged battle on the pier,
from the point of which they fell into the
sea ; and, as the pier was long and steep,
they had no means of escape but by
swimming a considerable distance. Water
thrown upon fighting dogs is an approved
means of putting au end to their hoslili
ties ; and it is natural to suppose that the
combatants of the same species tumbling
themselves into the sea would have the
same effect. It bad, and each began to
make for the land as he best could.
"The Newfoundland, being an excellent
swimmer, very speedily gained the pier,
on which he stood shaking himself, but
at the same time watching the motions of
his late antagonist, who being no swim
mer was struggling, exhausted, in the
water, and just about to sink. In dashed
the Newfoundland 3og, took the other
gently by the collar, kept hia head above
water, and brought him safely on shore.
There was a peculiar kind of recognition
between the two animals ; they never
fought again ; they were always together;
and when the Newfoundland dog had
been accidently killed by the passage of a
stone wagon on the railway over him, the
other languished and evidently lamented
for a long time."
A Veky Remarkable Rat We of
ten hear stories related of the wonderful
cunning of the rat, but one is told says
the Ogdensburg, N. Y Journal of a re
cent occurrence in which a real old gray
rat was the hero, and the incident whereof
took place in that city, which is equal to
the best. A lady who had a number of
fine hens, to which she had been devoting
a good deal of care and attention during
the winter, in hopes to obtain an early
and a fair crop of fresh eggs, was sur
prised at the meagre result actually reach
ed. The hens made noise, in singing and
cackling, enough for everyday layers,
and yet only occasionally did she get an
The lady at length determined to watch
operations, and ascertain if possible the
cause of failure. She saw the hens go
upon the nest, but if she was not present
when they come off no egg was found
At length constant watching and wailing
solved the mystery. A day or two since,
a hen came off the nest and commenced
cackling. Almost instantly an old rat
came out of a hole, and running into a
barrel, which was thrown down upon its
side, and in which the hen's nest was, a
once nosed the egg out upon the ground,
then laid down upon its back, and getting
the egg between its fore paws and nose,
commenced squealing, when two other
rats came out, and taking the rat with
the egg by the hind legs, dragged it, egg
and all, into the hole. If any one can
tell a more remarkable rat story than this
we would like to hear it.
A Big Rope. An account of the larg
est rope in the world, as described in one
of the daily papers at Birmingham, Eng
land the place of its manafacture will
orove interesting to the American reader.
According to the details given the rope is
11,100 yards long, measures 5 inches in
circumference, and weighs over sixty tons.
Made of patent charcoal wire, laid round
a, hemp centre, the rope consists of six
strands, with ten wires in each strand.
Each wire measures 12, ICO yards, so that
the entire length of the wire reaches the
enormous total of more than 412 miles.
To this is to be added the length of yarn
used for the centre," namely, twenty-seven
threads, each thread measuring 15,000
yards, and giving a total length of about
230 miles. Adding together tle wire and
yarn, there is a grand total of G35 of ma
terial, all going to make a monster wire
and hemp rope a little under six mile long.
"Why do you oppose the giving of
the ballot to women !" asked a lady the
other evening of a confidential bachelor.
"Excuse me, madam," replied he, "but
1 havo not sufficient confidence in their
capacity to conduct government affairs."
"WThat evidence of their mental inferi
ority to mankind can you adduce V que
ried the lady. "A simple fact is enough
to satisfy my mind, and that is the fright
ful way in which tbey do put up their
back hair.
Josh Rulings on Corn.
Korn z a serial, i am glad ov it.
It got its name from Series, a primitiff
woman, and In her day, the goddess ov
oats, and sich like.
Korn iz sumtimes called mnU", and it
grows in some parts of the western coun
try, very amaizenly.
I hav seen it out thare 18 foot high (i
don't mean the aktuat korn itself, bnt the
tree on which it grows )
Korn haz ears, but never haz but one
ear, which iz az deef az an adder.
Injun meal iz made out ov.korn, and
korn dodgers iz made out ov injun meal,
and korn dodgers are the tuffest cbnnks, ;
ov the bread purswashun, known" to man.
Korn dodgers are made out of water,
with injun meal mixed into it, and then
baked on a hard board, in the presence
ov a hot fire.
When you kant drive a 10 penny nail
into them, with a sledge hammer, they
are sed, bi good judges, to be well done,
and are reddy to be chawed upon.
They will keep five years, in a damp
place, and not gro tender, and a dog hit
with one of them will yell for a week,
and then crawl under the barn, and mut
ter for two days more.
I hav knawed two hours miself on one
side of a korn dodger without produsing
enny result, and i think i could starve to
death twice before i could seduce a korn
dodger. -
They git the name dodger from the im
megiate necessity ov dodging, if one iz
hove horizantally at yu in anger.
It iz far better to be smote bi a 3 year
old steer, 'than a korn dodger, that iz
only threo hours old.
Korn was fust diskovered bi the injuns,
but whare they found it I don't know,
and i don't know as i care.
Whiekee, (noble whiskee,) is mada out
ov korn, and whiskee is one ov the great
est blessings known tew man.
We never should have bin able to fill
our state prisons with energetick men,
and our poor houses with good eaters,
if it want for blessed whiskee.
We never should have bad enny tem
perance sons ov society, nor prize fites,
nor good murders, nor phatt aldermen,
nor whiskee rings, nor nothing, if it want
for noble whiskee.
If it want for korn, how could enny
boddy git korned ?
And if it want for gitting korned, what
would life be worth ?
We should all sink down to the level of
the brutes if it want for gitting korned.
The brutes don't git korned, they haint
got enny reason nor soul.
We often hear ov "drunken Irutes"
this is a kompliment to oxen which don't
belong tew them.
Korns also haz kurnels, and kurnels are
often korned, so are brigadeer-ginerals
Johnny kake is made out ov korn, so
iz hasty puddin.
Hasty puddin and milk is quick to eat.
All you hav got to do iz to gap, and
swallo, and that iz the last uv the puddin.
Ivorn whs familiar to antiquity Jo
seph was sent down into Egipt after sum
korn, but his brothers didn't want him to
go, so they took pitty on him and pitted
him tn a pit.
When his brothers got back hum, and
were asked whare Joe waz, they didn't
acknowledga the korn, but lied sum.
It has been proved, that it iz wicked to
lie about korn, or enny ov the other vege
tables." There is this difference between licing,
and sawing wood, it iz easier to lie, es
pecially in the shade.
Korn has got ODe tiling that noboddy
else has got, and that iz a kob.
This kob runs thru the middle of the
korn, and is as phull ov korn as Job was
ov biles.'
1 alwus'fevl sorry when x think ov Job,
and wonder how he managed tew sit
down in a chair.
Knowing how tew set down, Equare on
a bile, without hurling the chair, iz one
ov the lost arts.
Job was a card, he had more pashunce
and biles tew the square inch than iz usual.
One hundred and twenty-five akers ov
corn to the bushel is konsiderad a good
krop, but i have seen more.
I hav seen corn sold for 10 cents a
bushel, and in sum parts of the western
country, it iz so much, that thare aint no
good law against stealing it.
In konklushun, if you want tew git a
sure crop ov korn, and a good price for
the krop, feed about 4 quarts ov it to a
shanghi rooster, then murder the rooster
immejiately, and sell him for 17 cents a
pound, krop and all.
A professor in one of our theological
seminaries relates this incident : Being in
Germany, with a red covered book in his
haud, a German, supposing the book to
be 'Murray," asked in English if he was
an Englishman. The professor replied in
German that he was not. The conver
sation presently turned upon an object of
architectural beauty near at hand, in the
course of which the professor incidently
raised the question of its cost. "Sir,"
exclaimed the German, instantly, "you
are an American 1" "How do you know
that ?" rejoined the professor. 'Sir,"
continued the German, striking an atti
tude and assuming a tone of great solemn
ity, 'opon the resurrection morn, when
we stand before the great white throne,
the first question of every American in
the whole assemblage will bo,IIowjmuch
did that throno cost V"
Struck, by Lightning.
UOVf IT FEEI3 A VOICE FROM THE SHAD
OW OF DEATH.
The Chicago T ribune has the following
from Rochelle, III. : On the evening of
the tenth day of July, 1870, I was struck,
by lightning under the following circum
stances : I am a farmer, and had gone to
the pasture, three-fourths of a mile from
he house, on horseback to drive borne
some cows. A heavy shower bad just
fallen, accompanied by much lightning
and loud thunder, and a little rain was
still falling we would say it was sprink
ling, While riding through the field I
discovered a small cluster of cockle-burrs,
a noxious weed that infests many farms
in this section of the county. The cat
tle were feeding near me. I dismounted
and held the horse with one hand, and
proceeded to pull up the burrs with the
other. While stooping to pull op the
last one, my hand grasped close to the
root, the horse standing with his bead
partly over my stooping bodyi
A FLASH OK IJGI1TNINO
struck the horse, entering his head in and
behind bis left ear, tearing two holes in
the skin behind the ear, and though bo
was wet with the rain, the hair was
singed from his head, neck and shoulders,
and one frout leg to the ground j be, of
course, was instantly killed. A small por
tion of the electrc fluid struck mo on tho
right temple, singing tho lashes of tho
right eye, and slightly burning or scalding
the face, rendering me unconscious for a
little time. The following were the sen
sations and phenomena as I observed and
remember them : First, I felt myself
enveloped in a sheet of perfectly white
light, accompanied by a sense of suffoca
tion by heat. The light could be seen as
well through the back of the head as with
the eyes, and appeared to extend several
feet on all sides of me j then I experi
enced a sense of danger, and tried to es
cape injury from ray horse. Then fol
lowed A TROUBLED DREAM,
in which I was hauling a load of hay in
company with another person, and in
spite of all the effort I could make to
avoid it, the load of hay was about to fall
on me. When in the dream I made a
last desperate effort to spring from under
the load of hay, I found myself standing
on my feet. The firBt thing I observed
was that the cattle, in fright, were run
ning from me, and next, that I stood in
front of the prostrate horse. Instantly I
comprehended the situation, and listened
to hear the thunder that should have ac
companied the lightning, but no thunder
could be heard. I felt no pain and no
sensation, except a mental exultation,
which lasted but a few seconds. At first
I thought the lightning had struck near
me, and had slighgtly stunned the horse
and myself. Then I observed the water
on every hair and the moisture of the
eyes, nostrils and mouth of the horse to
be boiling, having tho appearance and
making a noise like fine drops of water on
a hoi iron, which continued for several
seconds. This was a phenomenon I havo
never heard of, probably because a per
son near enough to see it is most always
rendered unconscious too long to make
the observation. Judging from the dis
tance the cattle had run, I was uncon
scious less than six second.
Finding that the horse did not breatho,
I proceeded to pull off the saddle and bri
dle, and then I felt a severe pain in my
head, which continued for several hours,
followed by soreness which seemed to bo
in the substance of the brain, with an in
clination to inflammation, but at the end
of a week no effects of the lightning were
felt.
An Editor Sued. The editor of the
Muscatine, Iowa, Courier was sued the
other day. He took it philosophically.
Hear him :
'The dim recesses of our dark sanetum
were illuminated yesterday by the rubi-
cund visage of Constable Scott. Our
hair. stood on end, ns, with tears in bis
eyes, he proceeded to read a very nicely
printed blank on which our name figured
conspiciously with that of Justice Klein.
"To cut short a long article, wo were
sued ! Were you ever sued reader ?
Nice, aint it! We put our pen behind
our ear and looked wise at the officer.
He trembled a little, for the idea of suing
an editor was new to him. He never
imagined that anything could be got out
of 'them fellers, by suing we didn't
either. We don't now.
"The art of suing is a science. Young
lawyers who are anxious for suits some
times bring them for . fun. Old ones,
however, never do anything of the kind :
unless they can get something. We never
knew' anybody to get anything where
there wasn't anything to be had.
"We hope they'll get a judgment
against Us 5 then we hope they'll tak?
out an execution ; and lastly, we be
they'll execute it. If we've got any
property we'd like to know it. They
might garnishee a lot of- other fellows wa
owe around town. We guess they will.
If they're sharp they'll commence on
George Schneider. We owe him for n
glass of beer. If they would get that it
would help a little. Failing in this, we
commend them to attach a box of soiled
1 paper collars we bavo on hand. They
have not been turned yet, and tbey might
use the clean side. If this won't do
are unable to help them."
I I i S n ' 11