| The Bowsers' Troubles |
|2 Mr. Bowser Gets Somewhat Mixed 'S
On His War Record.
S 'Copyright. iBgB. By M. QUAD. #•;
Vy- --- -, r . MWJM,,,, vv»^»
"By George! but it reminds me of ihe
old days of '(11 !'* suddenly exclaimed
Mr. Bowser, tlie other evening as he
looked up from his newspaper.
"The war?" queried Mrs. Bowser.
"The war of course. I've been think
ing all day that if I was only five years
younger nothing should keep me from
going to the front. It makes my pulses
thrill to read of the booming of big
guns—the screams of shells —the heroic
indifference of men under fire. If 1
were offered a commission 1 believe I'd
go anyhow."
When the Bowsers were married Mrs.
Bowser understood that Mr. Bowser
had served in the civil war. She also
understood that he had gone in as a
private and come out as a colonel.
Now and then he interested her with
descriptions of battles and his brave
deeds on the field. For the first few
months she implicitly believed in all he
said, as was the duty of a trusting wom
an. Later on. when she began to
read up the war, she couldn't make
history and Mr. Bowser's statements
agree. By and by he ceased to call
himself "Col." Bowser, or to talk
of war, and she was glad enough to
have the subject dropped. It had got
so that she must condemn every his
torian as a liar or conclude that Mr.
Bowser had never been to the front.
"Yes," continued Mr. Bowser, as he
got up and walked around the room.
"I'd like to lead a regiment into battle
again. Lord! but the excitement of it
—the exultation—the glory! When I
think of it I can hardly hold myself."
Mr. Bowser was a very foolish man
to call up his war record and try a
game of bluff on his wife. He should
have been warned by the queer look
she gave him and the silence she main
tained, but temporary enthusiasm
made him reckless and he continued:
"Lands! but that day at (Settysbifrg
■—shall I ever forget it! For an hour
we were under such a hailstorm of
"I'M GOING OUT—MAY NEVER RETURN."
death that I did not expect a man in
my regiment to come out alive."
Mrs. Bowser looked at him in a du
bious way, but hud nothing to say.
This piqued the old warliorse, and he
turned on her with:
"Woman, did you ever wonder to
yourself what a battle was like? How
you can sit there like a bump on a leg
when they may be fighting and cheer
ing and dying within ten miles of us
is a puzzle to me. Why don't you
swallow that cud of gum and ask nie
some questions?"
"I will," she quietly replied. "Were
you in the late war?"
"What! What! Was I in.the late
war!"
"What regiment?"
"The Eighteenth Ohio, of course.
I've told you 50 times over. At the bat
tle of Antietam we lost 130 men. and I
was promoted from private to ser
geant."
"Where is Antietam?"
"Where —where is Antietam!" he
stammered, as his face began to red
den. "Antietam is in Virginia, of
course. Where did you think it was—
in Wisconsin?"
"No, sir. I knew it was in Maryland.
What the federal histories call Antie
tam is called Sharpsburg by the con
federates. It is a little town on the
Potomac in Maryland."
"You —you set out to post me on An
tietam!" he shouted, as he stood off
and glared at her. but at the same
time realized that he had been caught.
"Certainly. HeadleJ, Lossing, Greelv
and all other writers of the war locate
Antietam as I have."
"Then they are base liars and de
ceivers, and ought to be shot! When
did you begin to read up on what you
call history?"
"I've been at it for some time,"
placidly began Mrs. I'.owser. "They
may have been wrong about Antietam,
but how does it happen that the Eight
eenth Ohio is not mentioned as one of
the federal regiments participating?"
"Not mentioned!" shouted Mr. Bow
ser, as he swallowed the lump in
his throat—the Eighteenth Ohio not
mentioned!"
"Not in the history of that battle,
and I've looked through about ten.
They might have had a grudge agaitist
your regiment, however, and so re
frained from naming it. You say you
were promoted to a sergeantcy. How
many sergeants in a company, Mr.
Bowser?"
He couldn't have told for his life
whether there were five or fifteen, and
he drew a long breath and yelled at
her:
"Woman, do you take me for a fool!
You seem to have set out with the de
liberate intention of ireulting me!"
"Far from it," she soothingly replied.
"You wondered why I was not shout
ing over the war, and why I didn't ask
you questions. You eventually became
colonel of the Eighteenth Ohio, didn't
you?"
"Of course I did."
"Were the historians mad at you per
sonally ?"
"I don't know that they were—why?"
"Because none of them mentioned
you as colonel of that regiment. Both
Lossing and Ileadley give the colonel's
name as—"
What! What's that!" he interrupt
ed; "they don't mention me! The liars
and deceivers! The base-born hypo
crites! And you will read the writings
of men who go at it with malice afore
thought to deprive your husband of hi*
just honor as a soldier!"
"Their conduct was reprehensible,"
said Mrs. Bowser,"and I hope you will
take revenge on them. You were speak
ing of the battle of Gettysburg and the
hailstoi .1 of death. Were you colonel
of the Eighteenth Ohio then?"
"Certainly. When I finally got th*
order to charge didn't 1 step—"
"But I can't find that the Eighteenth
Ohio was there," she interrupted. "It
does not appear in the list of regiment*
at all."
"They—they dared to leave tis out!"
shrieked Mr. Bowser.
"They dared. Y'ou speak of the bat
tle of Gettysburg. Just which day do
you mean?"
"I mean the day of the battle."
"But there were three days of fight
ing."
"I deny it —I deny it!"
"Well, they may have made a mis
take. What was the date of the bat
tle?"
"The 10th of June."
' They all give the dates the same—
the 2d, 3d and 4th of July. The third
day of the fighting was the climax
When Let failed to pierce the federal
center with Pickett's Virginians he be
gan his retreat to the l'otoniac. Mr.
Bowser, you must have your commis
sion and discharge papers, and I should
like to see them. Are they in the deed
box?"
"Woman!" hoarsely whispered Mr.
Bowser, as he advanced and towered
over her, "you seem to doubt your hus
band's veracity!"
"But you may not have been in the
late \va.. you know. You may have
thought you were, but—"
"No more, woman—not another
word! Bight here in my own house, by
my own wife, 38 years after the war,
1 am told that I did not enlist—that I
never saw a battle—that I was not a
colonel—that my regiment was not
mentioned in history! It is enough. I
am going out and may not return to
night—may never return. Please hold
vourself in readiness to receive a call
from my lawyer in the morning."
And Mr. Bowser went out and bought
two glasses of beer and walked around
and jawed himself 'till midnight, Mrs.
Bowser was awake when he slipped
softly in and made ready for bed, but
s.he felt for him and hadn't a word to
sry. Next morning, when he glanced
at her across the breakfast table, she
pretended to lay it all on the coffee,
and said she'd discharge the cook if it
couldn't be bettered.
A ChlcnKO VlKiirttr.
They were sitting on a bench in Lin
coln park.
The sun's golden crown had-jeweled
fhe desolate, dreamy west, and the
oaks were shrouded in crimson rich
as a monarch's garb. The autumn
winds were shodi with gold beneath
the sobbing trees, and high on the
branch of a stately cedar perched' M
inerva's wisdom bird, the ominous owl,
blear-eyed and solitrary, hating the
day and waiting tilPnight should shade
the grandi panorama of the park.
"I divamed of you lawst night," she
said, a rich Lake Shore drive ac
cent.
"Didyou.really ?" he inquired, eager
ly, and a tint ®f red suffused his brow,
like the blush that kindles on the
timid cheek of morn, when like a coy
and conscious bride she comes from
the embrace of night.
"Yaas; I always dream when I ent
lobstahs and mince pie at night."—
Up to Date.
i(iißK<*<l tlie C'nlf to l)ratb.
A 400-pound bear walked into a
barnyard at Proebstel, Wash., and car
ried off a live calf. The citizens or
ganized a posse, and after a long chase
captured bruin, who had hugged tiie
calf to death.
Private Information.
Papa—l was trying to explain to
.Tohnny that when it is night in China
it is day here.
Mamma— And when It is day in China
you are making a night of it here.—N.
Y. Truth.
CAMERON COUNTY PRESS, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 1898.
DOING UP CURTAINS.
ThoKc of l.ure MiiHt lie Cnrrfiilly
Hatki'd ami 11 ■■ ml lt-<l or 'l'll »• y
W ill Hiot I-ITMT LIIIIK.
Thereare many and bitter complaints
of tlie poor wearing qualities of lace
curtains as compared with those that
"lasted for \ears in the times of our
grandmothers." Complainants often
insist that the quality has deteriorated,
and that there are no such poods made
as those bearing date of 40 years ago,
many of which are even yet in a more
presentable condition than our own,
that have passed through perhaps two
or three cleanings in as many years.
The reason for this is, more than
any other one thing, the difference in
the process of cleaning. In localities,
where the modern professional curtain
cleaner is unknown, it is altogether
probable that the curtains last as long
as ever. They are carefully washed
tinder the personal supervision of the
housekeeper or by her own hands, and
ore put upon the grass to bleach, and
wlicr, sufficiently clear are rinsed 1 and
starched, not too stiff, for that might
cause thein to break, but just enough
to make them look new. They are
then neatly and regularly pinned down
upon the parlor carpet and left to dry
with locked doors, to keep out in
truders, and open windows to let in
the air.
When taken up they are almost if not
altogether as pood-looking as new, and
have suffered little if any injury during
the process. Treated in this way tam
boured lace curtains will last until the
owners are wearied with seeing them
around and get new ones for variety.
The modern process is very different.
The curtain is put into a large caul
dron, with scarcely water enough to
cover it, and boiled in the strongest
bleaching chemicals. It is slightly
rinsed and stiffly starched. If it is
torn or the threads are broken, a sec
tion of net lace is dipped in thick
starch or paste and laid over the
broken spot, which has been partly
closed by being drawn together with
very fine thread. The net is then
pressed upon the curtain with such
force as to unite them like one fabric.
The curtains are then dried, folded
and sent home to be put up. There is
sufficient strength in the starch and
threads to hold the material together
while the starch remains, but when
next it is necessary to clean them they
will be likely to drop apart by their
own weight as soon as they are thor
oughly wet. Very few curtains will
bear the third cleaning of thin sort.
It has, therefore, become one of the
dreads of the housekeeper's life to have
the curtain-cleaning season come
bround. It is much better to have this
done at home if possible, as a really
good set of curtains ought to last at
least until they are hopelessly out of
fashion.—Decorator and Furnisher.
TALK ABOUT FRILLS.
Jan! Iluw to Hnkr and A rranKe Them
In Much n Way Thai They Will
Lay Uraerfull)'.
Khe is indeed an indifferent woman
who dares to make up her trousseau
without using frills as the chief deco
ration upon her gowns. Frills are
used upon costumes for every occa
sion,even outing suits,for where braid
is used as the skirt trimming the waist
Is almost covered with frills.
In making frills out of goods that
have figures running through them —
V
HOW TO MAKE AND ARRANGE
FRILLS.
especially flowers—be sure to have
every figure running the same way;
that is, unless they run up and down
in the weave of the goods. Nothing
looks so careless and clumsy as ruf
fles that are made with the figures
running in all directions. After the
strips for the frills are sewed together,
if you do not care to head them with
lace, liem the top and bottom, making
the top hem much the narrower, and
gather. Gather them with the fingers
and stroke every stitch. This makes
them much daintier than being gath
ered by machine. Divide the frills into
four parts, sticking a pin at each quar
ter, and treat the »kirt or waist in the
same way. Sew a quarter of the frill
onto a quarter of the skirt or waist
and you will find that when completed
the gathers will be evenly distributed
and will set gracefully upon their
foundation.
Frills put on in fancy design can be
treated in the same way and. aft«sr this
method is once tried, you will never
Tsry from it.
THREE PRETTY SLEEVES.
Here Are the Very Latent Model* from
Whieh to Seleet tlie One You
Like Kent.
The goods which enjoy the mof.l pop
ularity this summer are so light both
in weight and color, that tlie designs
for sleeves are necessarily dainty and
airy to keep pace with the delicacy
of the material, l'uffs and ripples fin
ish t he shoulders while the hndy of the
sleeves is very tight.
If the body of the sleeve is made ol
figured goods the ripple or puff is made
of plain goods trimmed with velvet,
THE LATEST SLEEVE DESIGNS.
baby ribbon or fancy buttons. If th<
puff or ripple is of plain goods then th«
body is, of course, figured.
The butterfly puff is bolh new and
popular and is made by folding the
cloth in a large butterfly bow and
tacking it over the sleeves so that it
can be removed if desired.
The sleeve which consists simply ol
I a larg-e puff is trimmed with lace and
I caught just above the elbow with a
I band of ribbon which fastens upon cut
| steel or pearl buttons. Long gloves
are worn with lliese puffed sleeves as
they are only half the usual length.
FLOWERS IN A BOWL.
A Simple A rrnnKrincnl for the Aril
tic l)lM|tlfiy of Flanla and
Vines or All Klmlx.
"I llKe flowers in a bowl," said n
woman of an inventive turn of mind
and an artistic taste; "they have such
a generous effect, as if they had been
i picked in great haW.fuls —but I do
| not like them packed in a solid mass
—so I have takeu malleable copper
j wire (No. 20) axtri made frames toga
| over all my bowls and wide-mouthed
vases, and now I can arrange my flow-
I ers with great ease and artistic effect.
The wire frame is very easily con
trived. With a )»air of pinchers bend
a ring of wire the size of the edge of
the bowl, hooking the ends of the cir
cle together. Then across this
stretch lengths of wire, allowing about
half an inch over the diameter, the
circle to bend down and fit over the
edge of the bowl. Twist the wires to
gether where they cross each other,
and give a firm twist around the circle
of wire, and that is all. Where the
wires bend over the edge of the bowl
they are entirely hidden by the leaves
and flowers, and the whole thing can
be removed for cleaning.
"When arranging flowers with this
frame I first make a light foundation
with sprays of green to conceal the
frame. Common garden asparagus is
delightful when filling jars with sweet
peas and many other blossoms. Nas
turtiums I use with their own foliage,
often sticking the flower stems right
through the leaves. On this founda
tion flowers throw themselves into
the most fascinating attitudes with
out any constraint or unnatural
heavy massing, and you can hardly
avoid making them look light and
graceful. Anyone who has once
utilized this simple device will never be
willing to struggle with the arrange
ment of flowers in the old way."—
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
AFTERNOON REST.
No Period of Sleep In Quite an Ke
lre»hlnK or Given .More Itent to
llruin nnd Drawn.
The necessity of a rest hour for a
busy mother and housekeeper cannot
be too strongly insisted upon. All
other women are apt to take this rest
except the woman whose "work is never
done," and who needs it the most of all.
It is not necessary to take a full hour's
rest, but as much time as this should
be allowed in the early afternoon after
the work of the dinner is over, for the
simple object of resting. The habit
should be acquired of going to one's
room and of shutting out the outside
world as much as it is possible, to
gether with all worldly care and worry.
Jlathe tlie temples, loosen the dress,
and, if possible, put on a loose wrapper
and lie down. Sleep may not come at
once, but the habit is soon acquired,
and in a short time the tired woman
who adopts this remedy will fall asleep
almost as soon as she touches the pil
low. Even if her enforced nap does
not last over half an hour, no period
of sleep in the 24 hours covering the
same amount of time will be so refresh
ing or give so much rest to tired brain
and muscle.—N. V. Tribune.
To llrlKhten a Copper Kettle.
Fill the kettle completely with boil
ing water, to which has been added a
small quantity of soda, and while the
water is in the kettle rub the outside
over briskly with a flannel dipped in
quite sour milk. As a final measure
wipe the metal dry and polish It with
a wash-leather.
MRS. PINK HAM'S WARNING TO WOMEN.
Nogloct la the Forerunner of Misery and Suffering—A Grateful Hat
band Writes of His Wife's Recovery.
Nearly all the ill health of women is traceable to some derangement of tli®
feminine organs. These derangements do not cure themselves, and neglect i>f
ffrom them is only pnttjjD]^
s constantly coming to Mm.
hose neglect has resulted in
and a whole train of wore,
112 a woman who was heJpedl
iftcr other treatment failed;
EIIAM: —It affords me very
>e able to state that 1 be)ir***
her health to your mediciDC
vice. For three years her
•apidly; she had heart Iron
falling down in dizzy juini;
spells, shortness of breath,
and smothering spells, blwat
e stomach, a dry cough, Cys
tic symptoms, menses irregj--
r, scanty, and of an llß
ural color. Khe had lero
lated by physicians with bat.
Lie benefit. She has takea
ur treatment according to
ur directions, and is Wiitr
everyway. 1 am well ptaMeiSt
permission to^ use my letter
-1.8. 11. and Mrs. MAY Bnrun,
trengthening power of Lydsa.
iv riuiiiiama »table Compound for all fe
male ills is so well established that it needs no argument. For over twenty
years it has been used by women with results that are truly wonderful.
Mrs. Pinkham invites all women who are puzzled about their health to write
to her at Lynn, Mass., for advice. All such correspondence is seen by women,
only, and no charge is made.
A Million Women Have Been Benefited by Mrs. Pinkham'sAdvke and Medtctoe
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7