| The Bowsers' Troubles | |2 Mr. Bowser Gets Somewhat Mixed 'S On His War Record. S 'Copyright. iBgB. By M. QUAD. #•; Vy- --- -, r . MWJM,,,, vv»^» "By George! but it reminds me of ihe old days of '(11 !'* suddenly exclaimed Mr. Bowser, tlie other evening as he looked up from his newspaper. "The war?" queried Mrs. Bowser. "The war of course. I've been think ing all day that if I was only five years younger nothing should keep me from going to the front. It makes my pulses thrill to read of the booming of big guns—the screams of shells —the heroic indifference of men under fire. If 1 were offered a commission 1 believe I'd go anyhow." When the Bowsers were married Mrs. Bowser understood that Mr. Bowser had served in the civil war. She also understood that he had gone in as a private and come out as a colonel. Now and then he interested her with descriptions of battles and his brave deeds on the field. For the first few months she implicitly believed in all he said, as was the duty of a trusting wom an. Later on. when she began to read up the war, she couldn't make history and Mr. Bowser's statements agree. By and by he ceased to call himself "Col." Bowser, or to talk of war, and she was glad enough to have the subject dropped. It had got so that she must condemn every his torian as a liar or conclude that Mr. Bowser had never been to the front. "Yes," continued Mr. Bowser, as he got up and walked around the room. "I'd like to lead a regiment into battle again. Lord! but the excitement of it —the exultation—the glory! When I think of it I can hardly hold myself." Mr. Bowser was a very foolish man to call up his war record and try a game of bluff on his wife. He should have been warned by the queer look she gave him and the silence she main tained, but temporary enthusiasm made him reckless and he continued: "Lands! but that day at (Settysbifrg ■—shall I ever forget it! For an hour we were under such a hailstorm of "I'M GOING OUT—MAY NEVER RETURN." death that I did not expect a man in my regiment to come out alive." Mrs. Bowser looked at him in a du bious way, but hud nothing to say. This piqued the old warliorse, and he turned on her with: "Woman, did you ever wonder to yourself what a battle was like? How you can sit there like a bump on a leg when they may be fighting and cheer ing and dying within ten miles of us is a puzzle to me. Why don't you swallow that cud of gum and ask nie some questions?" "I will," she quietly replied. "Were you in the late war?" "What! What! Was I in.the late war!" "What regiment?" "The Eighteenth Ohio, of course. I've told you 50 times over. At the bat tle of Antietam we lost 130 men. and I was promoted from private to ser geant." "Where is Antietam?" "Where —where is Antietam!" he stammered, as his face began to red den. "Antietam is in Virginia, of course. Where did you think it was— in Wisconsin?" "No, sir. I knew it was in Maryland. What the federal histories call Antie tam is called Sharpsburg by the con federates. It is a little town on the Potomac in Maryland." "You —you set out to post me on An tietam!" he shouted, as he stood off and glared at her. but at the same time realized that he had been caught. "Certainly. HeadleJ, Lossing, Greelv and all other writers of the war locate Antietam as I have." "Then they are base liars and de ceivers, and ought to be shot! When did you begin to read up on what you call history?" "I've been at it for some time," placidly began Mrs. I'.owser. "They may have been wrong about Antietam, but how does it happen that the Eight eenth Ohio is not mentioned as one of the federal regiments participating?" "Not mentioned!" shouted Mr. Bow ser, as he swallowed the lump in his throat—the Eighteenth Ohio not mentioned!" "Not in the history of that battle, and I've looked through about ten. They might have had a grudge agaitist your regiment, however, and so re frained from naming it. You say you were promoted to a sergeantcy. How many sergeants in a company, Mr. Bowser?" He couldn't have told for his life whether there were five or fifteen, and he drew a long breath and yelled at her: "Woman, do you take me for a fool! You seem to have set out with the de liberate intention of ireulting me!" "Far from it," she soothingly replied. "You wondered why I was not shout ing over the war, and why I didn't ask you questions. You eventually became colonel of the Eighteenth Ohio, didn't you?" "Of course I did." "Were the historians mad at you per sonally ?" "I don't know that they were—why?" "Because none of them mentioned you as colonel of that regiment. Both Lossing and Ileadley give the colonel's name as—" What! What's that!" he interrupt ed; "they don't mention me! The liars and deceivers! The base-born hypo crites! And you will read the writings of men who go at it with malice afore thought to deprive your husband of hi* just honor as a soldier!" "Their conduct was reprehensible," said Mrs. Bowser,"and I hope you will take revenge on them. You were speak ing of the battle of Gettysburg and the hailstoi .1 of death. Were you colonel of the Eighteenth Ohio then?" "Certainly. When I finally got th* order to charge didn't 1 step—" "But I can't find that the Eighteenth Ohio was there," she interrupted. "It does not appear in the list of regiment* at all." "They—they dared to leave tis out!" shrieked Mr. Bowser. "They dared. Y'ou speak of the bat tle of Gettysburg. Just which day do you mean?" "I mean the day of the battle." "But there were three days of fight ing." "I deny it —I deny it!" "Well, they may have made a mis take. What was the date of the bat tle?" "The 10th of June." ' They all give the dates the same— the 2d, 3d and 4th of July. The third day of the fighting was the climax When Let failed to pierce the federal center with Pickett's Virginians he be gan his retreat to the l'otoniac. Mr. Bowser, you must have your commis sion and discharge papers, and I should like to see them. Are they in the deed box?" "Woman!" hoarsely whispered Mr. Bowser, as he advanced and towered over her, "you seem to doubt your hus band's veracity!" "But you may not have been in the late \va.. you know. You may have thought you were, but—" "No more, woman—not another word! Bight here in my own house, by my own wife, 38 years after the war, 1 am told that I did not enlist—that I never saw a battle—that I was not a colonel—that my regiment was not mentioned in history! It is enough. I am going out and may not return to night—may never return. Please hold vourself in readiness to receive a call from my lawyer in the morning." And Mr. Bowser went out and bought two glasses of beer and walked around and jawed himself 'till midnight, Mrs. Bowser was awake when he slipped softly in and made ready for bed, but s.he felt for him and hadn't a word to sry. Next morning, when he glanced at her across the breakfast table, she pretended to lay it all on the coffee, and said she'd discharge the cook if it couldn't be bettered. A ChlcnKO VlKiirttr. They were sitting on a bench in Lin coln park. The sun's golden crown had-jeweled fhe desolate, dreamy west, and the oaks were shrouded in crimson rich as a monarch's garb. The autumn winds were shodi with gold beneath the sobbing trees, and high on the branch of a stately cedar perched' M inerva's wisdom bird, the ominous owl, blear-eyed and solitrary, hating the day and waiting tilPnight should shade the grandi panorama of the park. "I divamed of you lawst night," she said, a rich Lake Shore drive ac cent. "Didyou.really ?" he inquired, eager ly, and a tint ®f red suffused his brow, like the blush that kindles on the timid cheek of morn, when like a coy and conscious bride she comes from the embrace of night. "Yaas; I always dream when I ent lobstahs and mince pie at night."— Up to Date. i(iißK<*<l tlie C'nlf to l)ratb. A 400-pound bear walked into a barnyard at Proebstel, Wash., and car ried off a live calf. The citizens or ganized a posse, and after a long chase captured bruin, who had hugged tiie calf to death. Private Information. Papa—l was trying to explain to .Tohnny that when it is night in China it is day here. Mamma— And when It is day in China you are making a night of it here.—N. Y. Truth. CAMERON COUNTY PRESS, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 1898. DOING UP CURTAINS. ThoKc of l.ure MiiHt lie Cnrrfiilly Hatki'd ami 11 ■■ ml lt-<l or 'l'll »• y W ill Hiot I-ITMT LIIIIK. Thereare many and bitter complaints of tlie poor wearing qualities of lace curtains as compared with those that "lasted for \ears in the times of our grandmothers." Complainants often insist that the quality has deteriorated, and that there are no such poods made as those bearing date of 40 years ago, many of which are even yet in a more presentable condition than our own, that have passed through perhaps two or three cleanings in as many years. The reason for this is, more than any other one thing, the difference in the process of cleaning. In localities, where the modern professional curtain cleaner is unknown, it is altogether probable that the curtains last as long as ever. They are carefully washed tinder the personal supervision of the housekeeper or by her own hands, and ore put upon the grass to bleach, and wlicr, sufficiently clear are rinsed 1 and starched, not too stiff, for that might cause thein to break, but just enough to make them look new. They are then neatly and regularly pinned down upon the parlor carpet and left to dry with locked doors, to keep out in truders, and open windows to let in the air. When taken up they are almost if not altogether as pood-looking as new, and have suffered little if any injury during the process. Treated in this way tam boured lace curtains will last until the owners are wearied with seeing them around and get new ones for variety. The modern process is very different. The curtain is put into a large caul dron, with scarcely water enough to cover it, and boiled in the strongest bleaching chemicals. It is slightly rinsed and stiffly starched. If it is torn or the threads are broken, a sec tion of net lace is dipped in thick starch or paste and laid over the broken spot, which has been partly closed by being drawn together with very fine thread. The net is then pressed upon the curtain with such force as to unite them like one fabric. The curtains are then dried, folded and sent home to be put up. There is sufficient strength in the starch and threads to hold the material together while the starch remains, but when next it is necessary to clean them they will be likely to drop apart by their own weight as soon as they are thor oughly wet. Very few curtains will bear the third cleaning of thin sort. It has, therefore, become one of the dreads of the housekeeper's life to have the curtain-cleaning season come bround. It is much better to have this done at home if possible, as a really good set of curtains ought to last at least until they are hopelessly out of fashion.—Decorator and Furnisher. TALK ABOUT FRILLS. Jan! Iluw to Hnkr and A rranKe Them In Much n Way Thai They Will Lay Uraerfull)'. Khe is indeed an indifferent woman who dares to make up her trousseau without using frills as the chief deco ration upon her gowns. Frills are used upon costumes for every occa sion,even outing suits,for where braid is used as the skirt trimming the waist Is almost covered with frills. In making frills out of goods that have figures running through them — V HOW TO MAKE AND ARRANGE FRILLS. especially flowers—be sure to have every figure running the same way; that is, unless they run up and down in the weave of the goods. Nothing looks so careless and clumsy as ruf fles that are made with the figures running in all directions. After the strips for the frills are sewed together, if you do not care to head them with lace, liem the top and bottom, making the top hem much the narrower, and gather. Gather them with the fingers and stroke every stitch. This makes them much daintier than being gath ered by machine. Divide the frills into four parts, sticking a pin at each quar ter, and treat the »kirt or waist in the same way. Sew a quarter of the frill onto a quarter of the skirt or waist and you will find that when completed the gathers will be evenly distributed and will set gracefully upon their foundation. Frills put on in fancy design can be treated in the same way and. aft«sr this method is once tried, you will never Tsry from it. THREE PRETTY SLEEVES. Here Are the Very Latent Model* from Whieh to Seleet tlie One You Like Kent. The goods which enjoy the mof.l pop ularity this summer are so light both in weight and color, that tlie designs for sleeves are necessarily dainty and airy to keep pace with the delicacy of the material, l'uffs and ripples fin ish t he shoulders while the hndy of the sleeves is very tight. If the body of the sleeve is made ol figured goods the ripple or puff is made of plain goods trimmed with velvet, THE LATEST SLEEVE DESIGNS. baby ribbon or fancy buttons. If th< puff or ripple is of plain goods then th« body is, of course, figured. The butterfly puff is bolh new and popular and is made by folding the cloth in a large butterfly bow and tacking it over the sleeves so that it can be removed if desired. The sleeve which consists simply ol I a larg-e puff is trimmed with lace and I caught just above the elbow with a I band of ribbon which fastens upon cut | steel or pearl buttons. Long gloves are worn with lliese puffed sleeves as they are only half the usual length. FLOWERS IN A BOWL. A Simple A rrnnKrincnl for the Aril tic l)lM|tlfiy of Flanla and Vines or All Klmlx. "I llKe flowers in a bowl," said n woman of an inventive turn of mind and an artistic taste; "they have such a generous effect, as if they had been i picked in great haW.fuls —but I do | not like them packed in a solid mass —so I have takeu malleable copper j wire (No. 20) axtri made frames toga | over all my bowls and wide-mouthed vases, and now I can arrange my flow- I ers with great ease and artistic effect. The wire frame is very easily con trived. With a )»air of pinchers bend a ring of wire the size of the edge of the bowl, hooking the ends of the cir cle together. Then across this stretch lengths of wire, allowing about half an inch over the diameter, the circle to bend down and fit over the edge of the bowl. Twist the wires to gether where they cross each other, and give a firm twist around the circle of wire, and that is all. Where the wires bend over the edge of the bowl they are entirely hidden by the leaves and flowers, and the whole thing can be removed for cleaning. "When arranging flowers with this frame I first make a light foundation with sprays of green to conceal the frame. Common garden asparagus is delightful when filling jars with sweet peas and many other blossoms. Nas turtiums I use with their own foliage, often sticking the flower stems right through the leaves. On this founda tion flowers throw themselves into the most fascinating attitudes with out any constraint or unnatural heavy massing, and you can hardly avoid making them look light and graceful. Anyone who has once utilized this simple device will never be willing to struggle with the arrange ment of flowers in the old way."— Cincinnati Commercial Tribune. AFTERNOON REST. No Period of Sleep In Quite an Ke lre»hlnK or Given .More Itent to llruin nnd Drawn. The necessity of a rest hour for a busy mother and housekeeper cannot be too strongly insisted upon. All other women are apt to take this rest except the woman whose "work is never done," and who needs it the most of all. It is not necessary to take a full hour's rest, but as much time as this should be allowed in the early afternoon after the work of the dinner is over, for the simple object of resting. The habit should be acquired of going to one's room and of shutting out the outside world as much as it is possible, to gether with all worldly care and worry. Jlathe tlie temples, loosen the dress, and, if possible, put on a loose wrapper and lie down. Sleep may not come at once, but the habit is soon acquired, and in a short time the tired woman who adopts this remedy will fall asleep almost as soon as she touches the pil low. Even if her enforced nap does not last over half an hour, no period of sleep in the 24 hours covering the same amount of time will be so refresh ing or give so much rest to tired brain and muscle.—N. V. Tribune. To llrlKhten a Copper Kettle. Fill the kettle completely with boil ing water, to which has been added a small quantity of soda, and while the water is in the kettle rub the outside over briskly with a flannel dipped in quite sour milk. As a final measure wipe the metal dry and polish It with a wash-leather. MRS. PINK HAM'S WARNING TO WOMEN. Nogloct la the Forerunner of Misery and Suffering—A Grateful Hat band Writes of His Wife's Recovery. Nearly all the ill health of women is traceable to some derangement of tli® feminine organs. These derangements do not cure themselves, and neglect i>f ffrom them is only pnttjjD]^ s constantly coming to Mm. hose neglect has resulted in and a whole train of wore, 112 a woman who was heJpedl iftcr other treatment failed; EIIAM: —It affords me very >e able to state that 1 be)ir*** her health to your mediciDC vice. For three years her •apidly; she had heart Iron falling down in dizzy juini; spells, shortness of breath, and smothering spells, blwat e stomach, a dry cough, Cys tic symptoms, menses irregj-- r, scanty, and of an llß ural color. Khe had lero lated by physicians with bat. Lie benefit. She has takea ur treatment according to ur directions, and is Wiitr everyway. 1 am well ptaMeiSt permission to^ use my letter -1.8. 11. and Mrs. MAY Bnrun, trengthening power of Lydsa. iv riuiiiiama »table Compound for all fe male ills is so well established that it needs no argument. For over twenty years it has been used by women with results that are truly wonderful. Mrs. Pinkham invites all women who are puzzled about their health to write to her at Lynn, Mass., for advice. All such correspondence is seen by women, only, and no charge is made. A Million Women Have Been Benefited by Mrs. Pinkham'sAdvke and Medtctoe I PAINT £ WALLS CEILINGS | IMURALO WATER COLOR PAINTS I 1 For DECORATING WALLS and CEILINGS ffiK.KV MURALO M from your grocer or paint dealer and do your own decorating This material is II Alt I) FIX* 9 woi , k» , ?i|«aiV/as t w ( .™l'wit n h or"hot wutrr! Vw-NvniMvirNA !»I I»I1e i'ol.'oK «'AKI»S aL'd iSr 41 if you cannot purchase this material from your local dealers let us know and we will put you in I tot ML a way of obtitininf; it. THE MURALO COMPANY, NEW BRIGHTON, S. 1., NEW YORK. gSfr To the Rescue. £* S was clanger # m PLUG there would be 2 J an army of men (who chew it) ready 2 • to rescue it: —large enough to shovel # S Spain off the map of Europe. No Z 112 other chewing tobacco in the world S • has ever had so many friends* # s Pemember the name 112 • 1 v when you buy again. | WwwWwrWWwWwrWW wVww | " WHERE DIRT GATHERS, i WASTE RULES." USE I SAPOLIO It UNITED STATES WAIL MA?j ' MB na Ml ■■ A copy of oar handsome map, S ] BLT (j 48x34 inches, printed in colors > : || and mounted on a roller, will) \ he sent to any address on receipt) s of 15 cents in postage to pay for packing and trans* S < portation. P. S. EUBTIB, General Passenger Agent, S < O. B. A Q. n. K.. Chicago, 111. 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B Top Snap/II II |f"| FISH TACKxi '»r| jl h f *9- 99 UUIlU?^ ■■BBHUiIIW The Best BOOK the WAR bound nntiainuv tuously illustrated (prirr |>), free to anybody S»qj uilU-jr. two annual subscriptions at SI each to the Ovrriisnc/ Monthly. HAN FKANCIHCO. Sample Overlaud 6* M A. N. K.—C 1707 WHEN WKITI\U TO ADVESTVtIJiP please state that yoa saw the Advortl»t> ffeeat la thSr paper- 7
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