THE COLUMBIAN, BLOOMSBURG, PA. FROor or eiRLs couraob. Xhf Kclatfi Inrldi nt Showing Their Bn purlor llrmery Over Hob "Humph!" said the girl with the dim 1 In her chin, "It only gocii to nhow that wmcn are really more courageoui than men." "Of course they are," paid the girl with the eytglarnes. "Why, only the other day I rend or a Klrl who had a hole bored In one of hvr front toeth and a diamond Inserted. Did you evr hear of a man who nus Inuvc enough to go to the dentist unlets he really had to?" "No," said the president. "Oh, slrln, I once had r? porkctbook snatched from me by a boy, nnd I Just ran after htm until he droi p. a It. I don't know lhat I ehould huve been so brave," h added, "but f"i tlm fact that, bmldo my card, it i i ( n i rl neveral unpaid bills of which my tnisbntid knew noth ing. If the police bid cnuKht the boy wttU It, they would huve communicated the fact to him, ar.d I never Bhould have heard tin' lis; of those bills." "I hope he appreciated your bravery, anyhow," said the girl with the eye glasses. "Of course not," said the president: "his o&ly comment wns that It served me rlKht for cnrryl!:R my pocketbook In my hand. Oh, you can't make a man understand that a wonmn fears noth ing. Well, girl?, It Is time to adjourn, and I wish several of ynu would coma home to dt:,n.r with ir:- I broke Tom's lovely bit of old V:ii tlun glass to-d.iy, and I nad rather not be :ilone with him 'When he HiiUb it out." Nf:w York Jour- No Uuulit limit It. It was Intmsely red, almost too cold tor the ducks to be liying, but the crack af dawn saw the Colonel over at the bar. ehlverincr In tic blind of yellow reeda. A flotilla of decoys bobbed up and down In the Icy blue water a few yards from shore. "Cato," the Colonel's colored Bt rvatit and u merer, was seat ed on the floor of the blind, hugging a Chesapeake water spaniel close In his arms for warmth. "Pretty cold this morning, Cato," said the Colonel, stamping. "las, sth." "Ducks From to rmve gone some where else," remarked the Colonel, ten minutes luter. ' Tfas, sell." It se.emeri to be i'ro ing colder. A" kVlf hour pt --.'ej. "Fresh lVi:d must have been frozen over last nig-M," ,atd the Colonel. "Yas, 8. h." Bang! vtiu a gun 'way up on the flats near the mouth of Gunpowder River. "There!" remarked the Colonel, speak ing to himself; "there's another Jack ana who l-.aun't sonno enough to stay la re' house." "Yas, seh; Ihpt's so, H"h." Cato's tone showed no Intention to be impertinent, but there was a twinkle to his eye. "Cato," remarked the Colonel, "fetch those guns; we'd better look after that kitchen fire," looking at him sternly. , "Yas, seh," shivered Cato; "you and me gln'ally agrees, If it do take some time to come to coi.cliuhuns." Hor ner's Magazine. ttamuel'a Mistnka. "Did you hear sbout Samuels?" asked Mrs. Greymare's husband. "No; I didn't hoar about Samuels," the lady answered. "When you have anything to tell why don't you tell it?" "Yes, dear. Well, Samuels was go ing home the other night, when a foot pad shot at him una the ball hit a latchkey In Eutnuels" vest pocket and bis life va.f sa'iJ. So you see what good a latchkey is." ' "Indeed. If Samuels had been going borne at a reasonable hour he wouldn't have met any footpad. Secondly, he arrles $W,0P') insurance, payable to his wife, and if it bad r.ot been for that bey she would be a rich widow right now. Bo, if you are hinting around for a latchki y, you ill have to bring home some befter story than that- one. That's all. I'm jrolnsr to bed now, and if you we.nt to read you'll have to go to the kitchen. And don't waste the coal." Cincinnati Knqulrer. hpecnliillnn. "Father," said little Johnnie Woodle, earnestly, "what la speculation?" ' Mr. Wcodle, who had tried all sides f It with equally bad results, reflected a moment. "Speculation, Johnnie," he then ex plained, "is bnvlntr a thing we don't want at a price far above Its value, and then siilint; at an astonishing advance to uuneboily who thinks he .wants it, but don't." And while this was-.n't altogether clear tn Johnnie, he will discover, after he grows up. that It was Just as the old man said. And he'll pay many thousand dollars la finding It out. ' Itc-r.iarkiilily Alike. "What I l!ke about your writings," said the thoughtful editor to the young wan in the tight fittli.g uoat, "lb their resemblance to Emerson's." "I that bh"" cried the delighted young man, chipping his hands to gether. The editor nortrUd. " "May I ti ask," timidly ventured the young man, "wherein your discern ment and critical Judgment discover ihia er res 'u.Llunce .'" And the young man blutihed niiln. Once more the thoughtful editor nod ded. "You employ the name punctuation marks," he said kindly. ltourt'l to i:-t There. Two Irishmen went out skating not long since, and onu look a bottle of whUkey with him ui a sort of "heart warruur." Winn tiuy decided to "hit the btttU" they fvind the cork was ery WjcrM, ant1 Impossible to get out without a corkscrew. "Can't yez .-t It out, Molke?" said Pat. after a few rmuuLts of hard work by XlJIfe wUh th" c.rif. "lis. lxsnb," er.ld Mike. "I'll git It at. stiuie. if Ol have u push it In." iMi.oeton Tiger. rhe What do you ni"in, sir, by kUs toume? Wha; rt j u mean? ieKr nothing. W.e Thtsu tii... t ,v.u 'lo It again. 1 dun't wont ,ny in , u :.diiig me unit.- bw mean businefcs in ildnupolis Jour; at. .... ' IT WAS HIS TREAT. tint the Countryman Wonlil Mot Take an Advantage. Apropos of the pasnaxe of the Raines; bill, a good Btory la told of one of the country legislators who helped It through. The legislator was in New York recently for one of the many pur poses that so frequently call legislator to the metropolis. A city associate got together a party of friends and under took to show him the sights about town. After seeing the Edtn Musee, the Cen tral Park menagerie and other Objects which are supposed to Interest coun trymen, tbo city member thought he would try an experiment and led his party Into the Hoffman House barroom. The country legislator did not realize where he was going till he. was safely Inside and had been lined up to the bar with his companions. "Now. then," said his guide, "what are you going to have?" The country legislator's face fell ".What are the rest of you going to have?" he asked. "Never mind that," ssld the enter tainer; "you Just name anything you want. It Is my treat." "What will It cost,'" asked the man from the country, dubiously. "Any sum from 25 cents to ," re plied the other. "Don't worry about the cost." "I'll tell you," said the countryman, desperately; "I don't drink and i don't smoke, but If you'll excuse me this time I'll get my boots bluckcd here." Buf falo Exple.S. rlo anil Thin, Dot Could Fight. Tn the mountains 6f the South the schools are still maintained upon the subscription plan. A traveling man Just returned from that section gave a re porter the following account of an ex amination of an applicant for school: "I was stopping at a cabin all night,'1 said he, "and a pale, slender young man came during the evening to talk with my host. " 'I'm thinking of starting a school here,' he said, "and I wanted to see if you would subscribe." .. '"Kin yo' read?' , t '' -: '"Kin yo' write?' ' iZjr, " 'Certali.ly.' " 'Kin yo' flgger?' iC' '"Of mirp.' "Hi'iJi.. " 'Air yo' married?' - . jmt, T' " 'No.' " "Wall, we did want e married man nex' time. The las' three teachers has run off with gals, an' thar ain't enult gals In this hyar neighborhood now. But I don't s'pose none of 'em would want a lean feller like yo'. I don't reckon yo" not beln' married 'II make much dlff'rence. Couldn 'expect sich a po'ly feller ter he married. Then thar's cne thins. Me and BUI F.impklns an' Alt Toney Is all gwlne ter school an larn ter read an' write. I licked Bill an he done licked Alf, so I reckon the only one ter settle with Is me. We aln gwlne ter bey no man we kin lick. Kin yo' fout?' " 'I studied boxing,' said the stranger, " 'Don' know nothin' 'bout thet. Does makln' boxes make muscle?' "'Try one and see," was the. cool re joinder. "The big mountaineer hit at the little jnan, nnd when he regained conscious ness had his head In the wood box and his feet sticking up In the air. "Looking about him with a dazed ex pression, he said: " 'Young feller, shake. I'll go with yo' some day an' we'll git thet school. An' say, young feller, set me ter work on them boxes, will yo'?' "Washington Evening Star. A Voire Ilia Legacy. They had been talking of peculiar wills, when Mr. L. K. Gannon, the popular baritone, remarked: "I never knew of but one man to leave his voice to another. That was Jimmie Love, who had been a great baritone ballad ginger In his day, and was a member of a minstrel troupe when he died. Sher Campbell and William E. Castle, after ward the best of our opera singers, were members of to same troupe. Jimmie Love got sick while traveling out West and knew he would noon die. The mem bers of the troupe had to go on to on other town, so they made a formal good-by call. 'Boys,' said Love, 'I wish I had something to leave you In my will, but, like many another ballad singer, I did not manage to gather much of this world's goods.' Campbell had been a tenor singer, and had be come tired of singing tenor ballads. 'Yes, you have,' he answered the dying minstrel, 'will me your voice.' 'All right, Sher, my voice goes to you,' re sponded Love. The troupe started on their road, and during the night Love died. The next morning at rehearsal Campbell found that his voice had changed from tenor to a fine baritone, though he did not learn of the death of Love for several hours afterward. Campbell, as every one knows, became one of the great baritones of the stage, and with Castle and Caroline Rlchlngs made popular English opera a great success In this country." Washington rost. .-a Cen. Sheridan at Sedan. At Sedan, Gen. Sheridan, as military commissioner from the United States, was present on the summit of the little hill where King William, Bismarck, Moltke and a group of notable officers were watching for the end. Moltke was standing by a large telescope mounted on a tripod. Spread upon the ground at his feet lay maps of the region roundabout, which at moments he stud ied attentively. It was Sheridan quick of eye and Judgment who first perceived with whom the victory rest ed. When that final charge (of the French), failed, the German ring closed as with a snap; and Sheridan, as he shut hlw binocular, broke the Btralned Bllence with the exclamation, "It is all over with the French now!" At the words, Moltke left his telescope, stalk ed aside to where Sheridan sat, and silently shook hands with the American soldier w ho had felt the pulse of many batties. Oilttifcv-tMl, "What's the matter with our pugi lists?" bald a sporting man. "They have not talked much for a day or two." ' A "So," replied the Cuban sympathizer, "i'm-y have flopped to give the Span ish term.'. is a chanoa." Vfaahlngton fcitar. i iiLtm j. ...! . ... i ,. i ... ..... l3 Protect the Forests, The present law, punishing those who set fire to fort-sis, is stringent enough, but lacks one provision very necessary for its strict enforcement. The law does not carry with it any appropriation for carrying the act into execution. Without such a provision there is no means of enforcing the law. This effect will doubtless be remedied by the next legislature. The state forestry commission will go before the legislature with statistics and informa tion as to the vast amount of wealth that is destroyed each year by forest fires in this state, and will ask the legislature to appropriate what money is needed to bring the guilty parties to justice. It is a comparatively easy matter to secure evidence sufficient to convict the man who maliciously or carelessly set fire to the forests, but under exist ing circumstances no body feels in clined to take the burden of bringing the miscreants to justice, with the probability of being compelled to bear all the expenses of arrest and convic t'on on their own shoulders. With the financial backing of the state, a vigor ous campaign against the reckless de stroyers of forests could be waged. The conviction and punishment of a few of these reprehensible offenders would doubtless have a wholesome effect and eventually put an end to the destruction of the timber still remain ing upon the hillsides of the state. The question of the preservation of the forests is a serious one. The estimat ed loss from the destruction of our forests aggregates millions of dollars annually and as a result of the vandal ism that prevails unchecked the tim ber lands of the state are fast becom ing denuded- The people of the state have grown careless in this matter that is of such vital importance to all. In Columbia county the annual loss from forest fires is enormous, and the pi-jdiclion is made that if the present rate of destrut lion is continued the hills will become barren, rocky and unfertile, and the smaller streams will disappear. This state of affairs may not be expected during the present quarter of a century, but if the pres ent rate of destruction continues it will come eventually, and our success ors will have cause to condemn our shiftlessness in not warning off the ewl day by protecting the forests from the vandalism that now' prevails. The members of the assembly from Colum bia county should be prepared to make a bold stand in favor of any law that may be introduced looking to the re lief of the country from the torch of the timber destroyer. Big Growth in Exports. Statistical Bureau Furnishes Gratifying Figures. Washington, D. C, June 24. The Chief of the Bureau of Statistics re ports that the total values of the ex ports of merchandise from the United States during the month of May, 1896, and during the 1 1 months ended May 31,1896, as compared with similar exports during the corresponding periods of the preceding year, were as follows: May, 1896, $66,525,169; 1895, $64,267,179. Eleven months ended May 31, 1896, $815,971,764; 1895, $75,57,335- In May last the exports exceeded the imports by $9,561,259. In May, 1895, the excess of imports over exports was $1,761,675. During the 11 months ended May 31, 1896, the excess of exports over imports was $92,711,017; and the excess for the corresponding period of the preceding year was $82,262, 414. In May, 1896, the exports of gold exceeded the imports by $18,493, 709; and during the 11 months ended May 31, 1S96, the excess of exports over imports was $74,505,546. The Persian Home. Persian horjes are to be admired and liked. Their beauty is a source of con stant enjoyment, and they are almost In variably gentle and docdle. It is In vain to form any resolution against making a pefof ono of them My new acquisition, I!;y, writes Mrs. BlHhop in "Journeys In 1'uraU," Insists on being petted, and his enticing ways are Irresistible. He is al ways tethered In front of my tent with a rope long enough to give him consider able liberty, and he took advantage of It the very first day to come Into the tent and make It apparent that he wanted me to divide a lemon with him. Grapes were his preference; then came cucumbers, bread and biscuits. Finally he drank milk out of a coup plate. He comes up to me and puts down his head to have his ham rubbed, and If I do not attend to him at once, or If I cease at tending to him, he gives me a gentle bu: admonitory thump. I dine outside the tent, and he Is tied to my chair and waits with wonderful patience for the odda and ends, only occasionally rubbing his nose against my facs to remind me he Is there. A friendly snuffle Is the only sound he makes. He does not know how to fight, or thai teeth and heels are for any other uses than eating and walking. He Is really the gentlest and most docile of his race. The point at which he draws the line Is being led. Then he draws back; and a mulish look comes Into hia Stveet eyes. But he follows like a dog, and when I walk he Is always with me. ile comes when I call him, stops when I do, accompanies me whn I leave tha road In search of flowers, and usually puts his head either on my shoulder or under my arm. 'Io hiin 1 am an embodi ment of melons, cucumbers.grapes, peach es, biseults and sugar, with a good doftl of petting and ear rubbing thrown In. LAFAYETTE COMMENCEMENT. Lafayette College at Easton sent out 50 new graduates at the otst commencement last Wednesday, the 17th instant. "Father" Thomas Thomas, the oldest living graduate, was present, and celebrated on that day his 84th birthday. Col. C. M. Heringer, of the first graduating class 60 years ago who saw the corner stone of the college laid in 1832, was also present. Henry Green LED., one of the judges of the Supreme Court of I'enn. gave a dinner to his surviving class mates who graduated 50 years ago. The charming exer cises of the senior class day with their mirth and music attracted an attend ance of 4000 persons. Numerous addresses, scholarly and interesting, were made, of which the principal one was by Prof. Owen on " The Liberal Courses of Study at Lafay ette," President Warfield held a pub lic reception, and gave an interesting statement of the work, growth, and prospects of the institution. Contests for prizes in field athletics excited great interest on the patt of the rep resentatives of many preparatory schools. A large class will enter the classical and technical courses in September. PEGGING IT DOWN- Wonderful Speod on the Reading's Sea shore Line. As almost everybody is looking for ward to a trip to the seashore during the summer, . the following account, from the " Philadelphia Record," of a remarkable last trip Irom Phila delphia to Atlantic City will be found interesting : For several weeks past rumors have been in circulation to the . effect that either or both of the railroads between Philadelphia and Atlantic City have in contemplation a further reduction in the time ol express trains between this city and the seashore. Up to this time neither the Pennsylvania nor the Reading has given official countenance to these reports, but it has been con clusively demonstrated that one of the lines is able easily to cut the time down to one hour for the round trip, including ferriage across the Delaware. On Wednesday the Reading Rail road's "four o'clock flyer," made the quickest trip ever accomplished by a regular train, and established a new record for regular travel between Philadelphia and Atlantic City. In precisely 56 minutes from the time the ferry-boat left Chestnut Street wharf the train was brought to a standstill in the depot at Atlantic City. The 55 J miles between Cam de 1 and Atlantic City was traversed in 46 minutes, showing that the Reading is not only capable ol peg ging clown the time to 60 minutes trom city to seashore, but can even, if desirable, better this consummation of what has been the dream ot rail road men for years. The engine making the phenomen al run was the " Number 1026," one of the locomotives recently built at Baldwin's for fast seashore service. It hauled the usual train of one Pull man and six heavy coaches. No special effort was made to "break the record," and the passengeis were not aware that they were " assisting " in a notable feat of railroading. The whole of the Reading's Atlan tic City line has recently been relaid with extra heavy steel rails which, with the additional protection afford ed by the complbte automatic block signal system, enables much higher speed to be attained than heretofore, while at the same time adding to the security of travel. Why is It, if catarrh is a constitutional affection, as those claim who have a blood tonic to sell, that physicians, in extreme cases, frequently advise change of air and climate to those suffering from it? Catarrh is a climatic affection, and nothing but a local remedy or a change of climate will cure it. Ely's Cream Balm, in all cases of catarrh, is so efficient as to do away with the ne cessity of leaving home and lnends, causing instant relief and a perfect cure after short continuance. Keep Your Eye Peeled, Counterfeit five dollar bills are in circulation, and two were taken in a neighboring town the other day. They are unlike any five dollar bills ever is sued. ' They were made by "raising" the one dollar silver certificates of the series of 1891 and the work is rather clumsy. The word "one" in the cen tre is blotted with ink so that the final "E" is all that is discernable and the large figure 1 at the right end is changed to a figure 5. On the back the large word "one" in the centre is changed to "five" and the large fig ure 1 at each end is changed to a V and a 5, one directly over the other. Wnenever the words "one dollar" appear in small letters they are erased so as to be undiscernable. The bills are considerably torn and patched so as to disguise as far as possible the crude work of the counterfeiter. Sometimes nmlltv , effort to give big quantity for little money. INo doubt about that. c But once in a while it isn't. For instance, there's " BATTLE AX." The cicce is bieeer than vou ever saw ' before for 5 cents. And the quality is, as many a man lias said, " mighty good." There's no guess work in this statement ' It is lust a elain (act. . You can Drove it in "BATTLE AX." lolua Reserve Fond Life Association. Edward B. Harper, Founder. Frederick A. Eurr.ham, President. FIFTEEN YEARS COMPLETED ANNUAL MEETING AND REPORT. Th: Largest ui Mini Hm hm I::: Insurance h- panics in tlis Wcrid. (69,uo(i,oooofNew RusIucph in 1895. ,loS,()6o,oo) ofltiiNineHH tn Force. 4,H ,73 ot Ira(ll CIlillilH pnlcltn 1 805. $15,000,000 of ueatli Claim paid mncc linitliiKM brjcun. 1895 SHOWS AN INCRHANK IN RROSfl AKSHTH, AN INCMKAMK 1!S MKT Ml'ICfLt tt, ANIMHIlAHfilNIMOMi;, AN lNCKDKANIC IN tlVHt N:S IN IOHCE, "VI.K lOS.KooMKJIHI-MlS I.MKKlviiThU. The Annual Meeting of the Mutual Reserve Fund Life Association was held hi the Association's Building, corner Broadway &I)uane St., New York City, on Wednesday, Jan uary 22nd, and was attended hy a large and representative gathering of policy holders who listened with keen interest to the masterly Annual Keport of President Burnham. Many policy holders evidently regarded this as a favorable opportunity to meet face to face the new chief executive oflicer of the Association, President Frederick A. Burnham, the man whose grasp of life insurance, whose keen executive ability and strong individuality have enabled him to take up the work laid down in death by the founder of tho institution, the late Ed ward B. Harper, and make of the administration of his office of President, not an echo or copy of that of his predecessor, but a piece of finished work, characteristic of a man of independent views, and worthy to follow the work which had carried the Association to a position never attained in the same length 01 time by any life insurance organization in the world. lt U rare, indeed, that a great institution like this passes, without check to its prosperity, through a change in the executive chief, for it is rare indeed that a chief like the late Mr. Harper finds so able a successor as President Burnham. The record of the year 18U5 speaks for itself, and shows the following gratifying results; The GROSS ASSETS have increased during the year from $5,530,115.09 to $5,001,707,82. The NET SUPvPLUSover liabilities shows a NET GAIN for the year of $300,329.43, and now amounts to 3,582,509.32. The INCOME from all sources shows a gain for the vear of $031,541.97, and amounts to $5,575,281.50. DEATH CLAIMS to the amount of $1,084,074.92 were paid during the year, an increase over the previous year of $1,013,500.91. The BUSINESS IN FOPvCE shows again for the jear of $15,203,205, and now amounts to $308,059,371. Counting three hundred working days in the year the daily average income for 1805 is $18,584.27; the daily average payments for death claims, $13,052.25, and the daily av0'-age gain in business in force within a fraction of 51,000. cSKnte' ft" a",'nc' or m,y ,her information concerning the . IV 1 1 AL RLSI'.KVt 1 UNTD LIFE ASSOCIATION may apply to & . mm wis, stepu 53 Downing Block, ERIE, PA. The Pot Called Because the Didn't 3A Is sacrificed in the bv investing 5 cents the Kettle Black Housewife Use i g 1 JF
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers