THE COLUMBIAN, BLOOMSBURG, PA. X; BroB A WEB, AKD PISKA FRET. A little Rcotoh ulrl on belnir akfd the tfntlnltlon of "patience," Rave hir nnxwcr la the wards, "Hide a wee, and dinna tret." which Inrldent doubtleits suici?estel to the author these linen:) Is the road very dreary f Patience yet! Rest will be sweeter If thou art aweary, And after night cometh the morning cheery. Then bldo a wee, and dinna fret. The clouds have silver lining. Don't foriret; And thouKh he's hidden, still the sun IS chining! CburaKc! Instead of tears and vain repin ing. Just bldo a wee, and dinna fret. With toll and cares unending Are beset? Bethinks thee, how the storm from hea ven descending 8nan the stiff oak, but spare the willow bccdlne. And bide a wee and dinna fret. Grief sharper stint; doth borrow From r cret: Bat yrsu rday id Kone, nnd shall Its sor row Unflt us for the present and the morrow? Nay; bide a wee, and dinna fret. An over-anxious brooding Doth bea-et A host of fears and fatosles deluding; Then, brother, let these torments be In intruding, Just bldo a wee, and .dinna fret. Half a dozen men, home decanters, tee, ApnIIonarls and soda waters, a Kn ral atmosphere of tobacco and Kood fellowship, Rnd you have the Slngla Man Club. Not an ordinary club by any means, the members cannot ba counted In thousands, hundreds or even tens, for there are only six. No lordly marble-fronted premises raises its proud front in riccadllly or Pall Mall, but the Single Men have six distinct meeting places In London alone the residences of the six members; and lux. urlous as these are there Is nothing more lordly about them than befits the chambers of a private gentleman. A deer fro st In Scotland, mlmon flslikis In Norway and the slater isle nie ad juncts of the club. A steam yacht at Cowes and a racing cutter are also d'a tlngulFhing features, as is the coach that Dicky Redgate tools down Park lane and out Into the country wheru ver race meetings are held in the vicinity of town. Their house-boat at Henley and their tent at Canterbury are not placarded, like those of other clubs, with their name. The faces of the six best known men about town ar like lier than all the notices In the world to attract the attention of their crowds of friends at the aquatic and cricket festivals. The meeting on the night In question was at Charles Quendle's rooms, and the club had been arranging the house parties for the autumn shoot at Drie- cpjarltch Castle. "What a blessed thing It Is that cne la a bachelor!" said some one. Some one else laughed and replied: "1 bet there was a time when you thought otherwise." To which the other man retorted: "The wise of to-day are the fools of yesterday." No one had the energy to ask him ti explain himself, so he gave the expla nation without being asked, In the shape of a story. It was, of course, a tale of an Inex perienced boy who happened to fall In love with an experienced girl. Gerald Larondie was the boy and Belle Piin temps the girl; they were about 1o ba married, and the day before the -ved-dlng the boy gave the girl a handsome set of diamonds costing about 15,000, Oh! the Joy of that girl. Oh! those full red lips. Oh! those passionate kisses, .And what did the girl give the boy? A priceless gift his freedom. Yes, on the eve of the wedding she ran off with the boy's valet and actually married him. For a little time the boy was desolate, and then he realized her gen erosity, and to-day he repays her kind ness by never calling her Mrs. LeMurge wnen she is Mme. Dupllce or Mme, Worde when she Is the Baroness Tre- caonps. "The wise of to-day are the fools of yesterday." "What a piece of luckl" said a dark man. and the others puffed silently with the puff of attention. "When three healthy men were be tween me and my title I fell In love," aid he. "She -was a girl in a thousand; young, beautiful, an American travel ing In England" "And therefore -wealthy, added a fair man. "The spoiled child of fortune," ac quiesced the dark man. "We met by chance at a ball held In Oxford during the Summer festivities, discovered that dancing together was the perfection of motion and sat out as many dances as we dared. I told her that 1 adored her, she lied to me so delightfully that I was In the seventh heaven of delight. We met clandestinely, and while I poured my love she kissed me with those lying but beautiful Hps. Ah! well, a remorseless chaperone took her up to town, and as I was the rnly bowler In the University eleven that year a wretched year for Oxford crick et I was perforce obliged to stay up until the 'Varsity match early In July brought me to Lord's. We had sworn to be true the old old swear and of course I expected a warm welcome I got it. The meeting was at my nt a near relative's house My father pres ented me to my stepmother to the wo man who had given me her promise to be my wife. "'And this Is your son, dear Fir George? I allow most folk would tako him for your brother,' she said. And then she added as she calmly klsKnfl me on the cheek, 'It will make them hum when I send his photograph away home do tell me, Sir George, do I look about forty-nine?' " The dark man helped himself from a cut-glass decanter, and the five others, wondering how to break the silence, thought that they now knew why thera was such a coolness between the dark man and his Counters stepmother. An awkward pauso then followed, and to make manors worse two men simultaneously asked what time It was. Preadful. Fortunately a umull fat man same to their relief. The fat man look ed flabby and good for nothing; Indeed one would imagine from his appearanca tfcrt he Aid nothing hut cat and nlfpp Appearances are notoriously deceptive and they were never more so than lr the case of the fat man. Ills name li Jcrmyn, and he Is famous for having been nearer the North Pole than any other explorer who has attempted to reach It. If his crew had not mutinied and overpowered him I have no doubt but that mysterious polar region would have been conquered ere this. "I always laugh when I think ovet my experience with the gentler sex Somehow I have not the figure to cut much of a dash with them," and h cheerfully putted himself on Ills must prominent feature. "And yet I acted quite like a hero on one occasion. Im agine me In the part!" He laughed heartily. "Was going to meet my mother at Klng's-cross," he continued, "and was up and down the platform (the train wasn't late, the Great Northerns r.evej (Ire; I was early) when I noticed a lovely girl waiting for the rattler. 1 was so Intent on watching the girl that 1 did not notice the approaching train, and tho girl was so Intent on watching the approaching train that she did not notice a porter with a truck coming up behind her, so when the man shouted 'Ry your leave,' close to her ear, che was naturally so startled that rhe Jumped on one side without looking where she was going. Unfortunately she was standing on the edge of the platform, so when she Jumped she went head flrr-t over. Hemember, boys, she was wearing open-work black stockings and other white garments appertaining to the old In contradistinction to the new woman I naturally fell In love with her at first sight. Well-ha! ha! I of course went after her didn't seo the train or probably shouldn't have been such a fool" His listeners grunted Incredulously. They knew their man. "Seized the girl by something I re member arranging her costume a bit as the engine swept by and Jerked her out off the lines about half a second before the beastly train passed over the place where she was lying. Well, my mother took a fancy to her, and took her up generally, and as she was a governess out of work she was naturally glad enough to go and day at Ovelmere for a month or two, while the matter rec ommended her to all her friends, little thinking that her son wished to present her with a dAughter-ln-law in the shape of that governess. I never got so far a the propneal, as I wasn't quite surs that It was altogether fair, for of course, I knew that she might think herself Indebted to me because of the Kings-cross Incident, and also because 1 was well off and she was penniless. Of course at that age I was the kind ot Idiot who Isn't satisfied unless he Is loved for himself alone, and L wasn't certain that I was. However, I pretty toon was certain, for one day I took her a drive In a high dog-cart, and Just when we had got to a precipice over hanging the lake the wretched horse shied, and we were thrown clean out of the conveyance Into a bush below, end when we came to our senses we found ourselves hanging to the same wretched bough with the miserable lake beneath us and neither of us able to swim a lit tle bit. "It was a sweet predicament. "Well, I was Just going to say some thing valedictory to the lady and let go (for I knew the sickening branch wouldn't long support the pair of us), when it gave an ominous crack and the dear girl leaning towards me but she was partially supported by a stone ledge said. 'Don't you hear It? Let go or It will break and I shall bb drowned." "I was so taken aback by my divinity being so selfish that I quite forgot my self and murmured, 'I cannot swim.' At which she gave a stab with a pair of scissors she had taken out of her chate laine here Is the mark still on the back of my hand and screamed. 'Then drown.' "I naturally let go, struck the water and very shortly afterwards the bottom of the lake violently. I don't know how It was that I never thought of the lake being shallow at that place, but one doesn't do much thinking at such a time. I waded ashore and rescued the lady but my love was killed most effectually. Then I went to Africa and abjured the weaker Bex." The wise of to-day are the fools of yesterday. A restless man who had been rolling the balls on the deserted billiard iRble in the darker part of the room, came forward and subsided Into a perfect dream of a chair and without any pre face started talking. "I have been back In England about six years," he began, "and during that time have been a most devoted bache lor, as you fellows know, but there was a time when I, like you others, was the devoted slave of a woman, but, unlike your divinities, mine did not turn out to be very common clay after all In deed, I am as fully resolved to-day not to marry any woman but her as I was. on the day I became betrothed to her. "Six years ago I was a prosperous merchant in South America, which was a peculiar position for the younger son of a noble English house. I had been out some four or five years, having found that England was not a suitable climate for the younger son of a peer a man cut off from the ordinary occu pations of a penniless young man by the position of his father and without the wherewithal to live decently at his lelnure. "My name and savolr falre were un doubtedly of great advantage to me In the South American republic that I fleeted to reside In, and my diligence for I was most anxious to get back to the old country was rewarded, bo that at the end of four years I found myself a Junior partner In one of the richest firms In the Western Hemis phere. "Now, the senior partner had an only daughter, a lovely girl of about eigh teen, and I soon found that without that girl life was not worth living, so I took steps to secure her for my wife. There- was nothing romantic about our eriKu cement. I obtained her father's consent before asking her to marry mo in the strictly orthodox way, anu hav ing done so obtained the daughter'8. "We were devoted to each other, and I was the moBt envied man In the Re public, for the fashionable young men ! of the capital had been most persistent In their endeavors to gain the prize ' which my good fortune had secured tu ; me. I "Of all her suitors the most porsever in; was the youngest son of the Presi dent, a naval officer, who had rccontly been promoted to the command of a ' torpedo boat; I will give him credit so far that I believe he really was d. votedly In love with the girl, unllkr many others, who were in love with he' fortune, "Well, about a fortnight before w were to be married, a fearful blot nearly sent me out of my mind my fu ture wife died suddenly. "Now, I had Just given her a wedding gift of a set of valuable Jewelry, nnd nothing would satisfy me but that they should be burled with her. This was done and a few days later, when some one her father, I think went to the vault it was discovered that he coffin had been tampered with, and" examina tion elicited the fact that the body and Jewelry had been removed. You can lmnglno how this sacrilege affected mej hrr father anl myself offered emu mitis rewards for Information, but no clue was discovered except that some ens had seen a party of sailors carrying something from the direction of the cemetery to the sea, which turned our suspicions towards the President's son, but as the Hitter's ship was discovered a total wreck, and as none of her crew save one was ever heard of again, the information did not aid us In our quest, "The man who came back was a luna tic, and as such was confined In an asylum by the President's orders, but there was something in his narrative that gave me some hope. His utory was to the effect that he, two other sailors and their officer the President's son stole the body of my partner's daughter and carried her on board their vessel. "That they had not been out to sea long when the lady came out of the trance or deep sleep Into which she had been thrown by some powerful drug secretly administered. Then he told a long ptory which sounds very Improb able, but which may still be true. It was that having got on board as much coal as they could carry, the chief offi cer made a proposal, which as it would make the men all foreigners used to bribes Independent for life, was promptly accepted by them. "All on board with the exception of the girl, swore allegiance and eternal silence to their chief, and then the boat went cruising In the track of the mall steamers. "It hardly seems possible, but the man asserted that a certain vessel com ing In sight, the chief signalled to her (on some pretext) to stop, and hat he went on board with one man, 'eaving the rest of his crew on the torpedo boat with full steam up. That he threatened the captain of the mall steamer with Instant extermination by his engines of war If the latter did not hand Over the contents of his strong room, and he told him that he had left word that If he did not return within a certain time a torpedo was to be dis charged at the Ill-fated vessel. As I said before the President had the man confined as a lunatic, but, all the same, that steamer, when It was discovered wrecked on the Spanish coast, had i.ot a single diamond In the strong room, and when she ret out she had a record cargo, but that part of the story has never been verified. "Some months ago, when traveling In Dalmatia, I met a huge funeral equi page. It was the son of the late Presi dent of that South American republlo that was being burled, and the chief mourner save the mark! was the poor woman he had kept prisoner in that out-of-the-way corner of Europe, his wife the girl I was to have married. "Part of the sailor's story is true, but about the piracy she cannot say, as she was drugged at the time. Her husband left her enormously wealthy, and no one knows how he accumulated the money. And now I have only one mote thing to say, that ' I must tender my resignation to this club, as I am about to be married." "The wise of to-day are the fools ot to-morrow," murmured some one under his breath. A servant brought In a telegram. The restless man tore it open, read and let the tissue paper flutter to the Kround. "I withdraw my resignation," he sold, No one asked the reason why, but some one poked the fire. Illustrated Lilts. helling a Mine. "It Is the easiest thing on earth to sell a mine In London for almost any price, provided you have anything to show an expert," said MaJ. Frank Mc Laughlin. "There Is also a right way and a wrong way to go about It. Some time ago I went to London to negotiate the sale of some mining property. Of course, the first thing I had to do was to let capital know what I was there for. Then, when inquiries cammenced, I simply said: "Gentlemen, I have mining property to sell. If you mean bulsness and want to buy send your expert out to examine the property and make a re port on It. "A company was organized. The ex pert examined the property and report ed favorably, and a meeting was held to discuss terms. " 'Now, major, said the spokesman, 'we have found that the property may be worth something. What la your rrlce?" " 'Two hundred and fifty thousand,' sail I. " 'That Is more than we expected to pay. We expected to pay about 200,000. There la not much difference between 200,000 and 250,000. If you will drop the 60,000 we will take it. "I expected to get about $100,000 for the property, so with a show of reluct ancy I agreed to accept their offer. When the papers were made out I was surprised to learn that they had been talking about pounds and I about dol lars, but I was very careful not to let my surprise leak, and that Is the way I got $1,000,000 for the mine. Great people to do business with." San Francisco Post. Abttent-MlmlediioHN. The best Instance I know Is that of an amiable Irish Judge, now no longer on the bench. Among other amusing tnles told of him, It Is said that on the occa sion of a "bar dinner" he went up stairs to dress, but did not reappear. The company sat patiently for some time, till at length, Just as their hunger was getting the better of their manners, nnd an emissary was being dispatched to hunt up the missing Judge, his lord ship appeared, and explained, with many apologies, that, Imagining he was retiring for the night, he had undressed and got into bed. After an hour's snooze It suddenly struck him that ha had not yet dined, on which he hurried down to his guests. London Spectator. Of Interest to farmers, A special from State College to the rhiladeldhia Timet says i The ques tion of spontaneous combustion has long been a mooted one so far as its rclatiori to hay or fodder in a stack or mow is concerned. Geoigc C. Wat son, professor of agriculture at the college, in a bulletin soon to be issued from the experiment station, presents an irrefutable argument in substantia tion of the theory in a recent happen ing at one of the college barns. Sparks of fire were seen dropping from the ceiling of the cow stable, underneath the east wing of the col lege barn. Investigation soon proved that the fire was confined to a mow of hay. To prevent the mass of hay bursting into flames, every hole was stapped up which might by any possi bility admit any draft and the hay was covered with wet blankets, on which water was constantly thrown. Then, to save the barn, a hole was knocked in the side and the entire mow of hay was thrown out, some thirty tons in all. An examination of the pile of hay showed that the entire mass was so thoroughly charred that it would crumble when handled and the whole of it was rendered unfit for stock food. While positive proof of the origin of the fire may be lacking, the circum stances are such that it seems safe to consider it of spontaneous origin. There was no fire near the barn, nor was there any way by which an incen diary could get in his work. For sev eral days previous to the fire a pecul iar odor was noticeable in the vicinity ot the barn, which was compared by many to that emitted by burning grain. The bulletin prescribes as the best way to act under such circum stances, to save the building, is lo keep the hay as wet as possible and remove the same from the building in the quickest possible time, taking the utmost precaution to at all times ex clude all draft or air currents. Cures, absolute, permanent cures have given Hood's Sarsaparilla the largest sales in the world and the first place among medicines. Luxury in a Prison Cell, William A. Sponsler, of New Bloom field, late president of the wrecked Perry county bank of Sponsler & Junkin, for a number of years the leading member of the local bar, and the local Republican competitor of Judge Lyons in the recent judicial contest, has spent his first week in prison. His relatives have fixed up his cell comfortably. He has his books and a writing table, and, in anticipation of a long imprisonment, it is the intention to have his cell papered. When the Perry County Bank closed its doors it owed depositors $120,000. All his property has been sold and less than $10,000 was realized. If strength is what you want, you should study what causes your weak ness. It is practically lack of food. But you eat three meals a da)', and all you can eat at a time. Yes, but do you digest it ? Food undigested, is not food. It is not nourishment. It doesn't create strength. To digest your food take Shaker Digestive Cordial at meals. After a while you will digest your food with out it. Then you will get well, and strong and healthy. Shaker Digestive Cordial cures in- I digestion and all its symptoms, such as nausea, neaciacne, eructations, pain in the stomach, giddiness, loss of appetite, etc. It makes your food nourish you, and make you strong and fat and hearty. Druggists sell it. Trial bottle 10 cents. Postmaster General Wilson, at the time of the last bond call, sent circular letters to the postoffices of the first and second classes, asking the post masters to state, where it was practi cable, how much gold on an average appeared in the postal receipts for a month. The reports of a few of the Pennsylvania postofiices are as fol lows: Philadelphia, $5,500 in gold a month j Pittsburg, $2,250 ; Allegheny, $650; Altoona, $150; Bradford, $100 ; Warren, $40; Oil City, $125; Corry, $5; Erie, $270; Franklin, $300. A Mighty Hunter. George Smith, who resides in the wilds of Elk county, has, during the past sixty years, killed in the wilder ness of that and Jefferson counties 14 panthers, 5C0 bears, 30 elk, 3,000 deer, 500 catamounts, '500 wolves and 600 wild cats. He has killed seven deer in a day and as many as five bears in a day. An exchange remarks that you can't keep women away from weddings. You don't want to. AVhat would a wedding amount to if there was no women there ? READ THE COLUMBIAN. 'Big as A v mm rn mm ff. jjs w a m. 9 flu For 5 cents you get almost as much "Battle Ax" as you do of other high grade goods for J 0 cents. Before the days of "Battle Ax" consumers paid JO cents for same quality. Now, "Battle Ax" Highest Grade. 5 cents. That's true economy. Mutual Reserve Pond Life Association. Edward E. Harper, Founder. Frederick A. Eurrlain, Precidor.t. FIFTEEN YEARS COMPLETED ANNUAL MEETING AND REPORT. Tiis lupt and Strongest teal him Lib line ::- ivh ia 11. World. 6q,uoo,ooo of Hew RuineHN in 1893. ,oM,66o,ooo of HiiRineil In Hon. 4, 084,073 ot Itratli Claim pnUI In 1803. 23,000,000 oi Iteain Claims paid since ItuntiteHS begun. 189S SHOWS AN INCRRAflK IN RROS AttSKTH, AN INCMRANK IN NKT lil'HPLl'B, AN I M'KKAUK IN INCOME, AN I NCIlI'.AJil-; IN Ilt'HINIvMH IN I"(1RCI', OVIIK iuj.Uoo 91 f.MHKKH INTKUlvsl KU. The Annual Meeting of the Mutual Reserve Fund Life Association was held in the Association's Building, corner Broadway &. Duane St., New York Cit y, on Wednesday, Jan uary 22nd, and was attended by a large and representative gathering of policy holders who listened with keen interest to the masterly Annual Report ot President Burnhani. Many policy holders evidently regarded this as a favorable opportunity to meet face to face the new chief executive oflicer of the Association, President Frederick A. Burnhani, the man whose grasp of life insurance, whose. keen executive ability and strong individuality have enabled him to take up the work laid dewn in death by the founder of tin institution, the late .Ed ward B. Harper, and make of the administration of his office o,f President, not an echo or copy of that of his predecessor, but a piece of finished work, characteristic of a man of independent views, and worthy to follow the work which had carried the Association to a position never attained in the same length of time by any life insurance organization in the world. It is rare, indeed, that a great institution like this passes, without check to its prosperity, through a change in the executive chief, for it is rare indeed that a chief like the late Mr. Harper finds so able a successor as President Burnhani. The record of the year 18'Jo speaks for itself, and shows the following gratifying results. The GROSS ASSETS h ave increased during the year from $5,530,115.99 to $5,001,707,82. The NET SURPLUS over liabilities shows a NET GAIN for the year of $:00,:52(.).-lo, and now amounts to $3,582,509.32. The INCOME from all sources shows a gain for the vear of $031,5 11.97, and amounts to $5,575,281.50. DEATH CLAIMS to the amount of $1,081,074.92 were paid during the year, an increase over the previous year of $1,013,500.91. The BUSINESS IN FORCE shows again for the year of $15,293,205, and now amounts to $308,059,371. Counting three hundred working days in the year the daily average income for 1895 is $18,5S 1.27; the daily average payments for death claims, $13,052.25, and the daily avo,,ago : i : : c. e i -..' Kuu m uusiuras iu juiuw wiuuu It HilCUOIl 01 JWl.UUU. CtTTersons desiring insurance, an agency, or any other information concernii TUAL RKSKKVE FUND LIKE ASSOCIATION may apply to 53 Downing Iflock, BREAKFAST SUPPER, PPSS C3ATEFUL-COMFO?mNG. o Barn Door 4&J concerning the ERIE, PA. For all Datout and Nervous ITS?? Disiaehs. Tbey purify the Olood and give Hsaltiiv actios to th entire system. Cure DYSPEPSIA, HEADACHE, I CONSTIPATION nnd PIMPLES. WRGfflW B0IMNQ WATER OR MILK.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers