THE COLUMBIAN, BLOOMSBURG, PA.
X;
BroB A WEB, AKD PISKA FRET.
A little Rcotoh ulrl on belnir akfd the
tfntlnltlon of "patience," Rave hir nnxwcr
la the wards, "Hide a wee, and dinna
tret." which Inrldent doubtleits suici?estel
to the author these linen:)
Is the road very dreary f
Patience yet!
Rest will be sweeter If thou art aweary,
And after night cometh the morning
cheery.
Then bldo a wee, and dinna fret.
The clouds have silver lining.
Don't foriret;
And thouKh he's hidden, still the sun IS
chining!
CburaKc! Instead of tears and vain repin
ing. Just bldo a wee, and dinna fret.
With toll and cares unending
Are beset?
Bethinks thee, how the storm from hea
ven descending
8nan the stiff oak, but spare the willow
bccdlne.
And bide a wee and dinna fret.
Grief sharper stint; doth borrow
From r cret:
Bat yrsu rday id Kone, nnd shall Its sor
row Unflt us for the present and the morrow?
Nay; bide a wee, and dinna fret.
An over-anxious brooding
Doth bea-et
A host of fears and fatosles deluding;
Then, brother, let these torments be In
intruding, Just bldo a wee, and .dinna fret.
Half a dozen men, home decanters,
tee, ApnIIonarls and soda waters, a Kn
ral atmosphere of tobacco and Kood
fellowship, Rnd you have the Slngla
Man Club. Not an ordinary club by
any means, the members cannot ba
counted In thousands, hundreds or even
tens, for there are only six. No lordly
marble-fronted premises raises its
proud front in riccadllly or Pall Mall,
but the Single Men have six distinct
meeting places In London alone the
residences of the six members; and lux.
urlous as these are there Is nothing
more lordly about them than befits the
chambers of a private gentleman. A
deer fro st In Scotland, mlmon flslikis
In Norway and the slater isle nie ad
juncts of the club. A steam yacht at
Cowes and a racing cutter are also d'a
tlngulFhing features, as is the coach
that Dicky Redgate tools down Park
lane and out Into the country wheru ver
race meetings are held in the vicinity
of town. Their house-boat at Henley
and their tent at Canterbury are not
placarded, like those of other clubs,
with their name. The faces of the six
best known men about town ar like
lier than all the notices In the world
to attract the attention of their crowds
of friends at the aquatic and cricket
festivals.
The meeting on the night In question
was at Charles Quendle's rooms, and
the club had been arranging the house
parties for the autumn shoot at Drie-
cpjarltch Castle.
"What a blessed thing It Is that cne
la a bachelor!" said some one.
Some one else laughed and replied:
"1 bet there was a time when you
thought otherwise."
To which the other man retorted:
"The wise of to-day are the fools of
yesterday."
No one had the energy to ask him ti
explain himself, so he gave the expla
nation without being asked, In the
shape of a story.
It was, of course, a tale of an Inex
perienced boy who happened to fall In
love with an experienced girl. Gerald
Larondie was the boy and Belle Piin
temps the girl; they were about 1o ba
married, and the day before the -ved-dlng
the boy gave the girl a handsome
set of diamonds costing about 15,000,
Oh! the Joy of that girl. Oh! those full
red lips. Oh! those passionate kisses,
.And what did the girl give the boy?
A priceless gift his freedom. Yes, on
the eve of the wedding she ran off with
the boy's valet and actually married
him. For a little time the boy was
desolate, and then he realized her gen
erosity, and to-day he repays her kind
ness by never calling her Mrs. LeMurge
wnen she is Mme. Dupllce or Mme,
Worde when she Is the Baroness Tre-
caonps.
"The wise of to-day are the fools of
yesterday."
"What a piece of luckl" said a dark
man. and the others puffed silently with
the puff of attention.
"When three healthy men were be
tween me and my title I fell In love,"
aid he. "She -was a girl in a thousand;
young, beautiful, an American travel
ing In England"
"And therefore -wealthy, added a
fair man.
"The spoiled child of fortune," ac
quiesced the dark man. "We met by
chance at a ball held In Oxford during
the Summer festivities, discovered that
dancing together was the perfection of
motion and sat out as many dances as
we dared. I told her that 1 adored her,
she lied to me so delightfully that I
was In the seventh heaven of delight.
We met clandestinely, and while I
poured my love she kissed me with
those lying but beautiful Hps. Ah!
well, a remorseless chaperone took her
up to town, and as I was the rnly
bowler In the University eleven that
year a wretched year for Oxford crick
et I was perforce obliged to stay up
until the 'Varsity match early In July
brought me to Lord's. We had sworn
to be true the old old swear and of
course I expected a warm welcome I
got it. The meeting was at my nt a
near relative's house My father pres
ented me to my stepmother to the wo
man who had given me her promise to
be my wife.
"'And this Is your son, dear Fir
George? I allow most folk would tako
him for your brother,' she said. And
then she added as she calmly klsKnfl
me on the cheek, 'It will make them
hum when I send his photograph away
home do tell me, Sir George, do I look
about forty-nine?' "
The dark man helped himself from a
cut-glass decanter, and the five others,
wondering how to break the silence,
thought that they now knew why thera
was such a coolness between the dark
man and his Counters stepmother.
An awkward pauso then followed,
and to make manors worse two men
simultaneously asked what time It was.
Preadful. Fortunately a umull fat man
same to their relief. The fat man look
ed flabby and good for nothing; Indeed
one would imagine from his appearanca
tfcrt he Aid nothing hut cat and nlfpp
Appearances are notoriously deceptive
and they were never more so than lr
the case of the fat man. Ills name li
Jcrmyn, and he Is famous for having
been nearer the North Pole than any
other explorer who has attempted to
reach It. If his crew had not mutinied
and overpowered him I have no doubt
but that mysterious polar region would
have been conquered ere this.
"I always laugh when I think ovet
my experience with the gentler sex
Somehow I have not the figure to cut
much of a dash with them," and h
cheerfully putted himself on Ills must
prominent feature. "And yet I acted
quite like a hero on one occasion. Im
agine me In the part!"
He laughed heartily.
"Was going to meet my mother at
Klng's-cross," he continued, "and was
up and down the platform (the train
wasn't late, the Great Northerns r.evej
(Ire; I was early) when I noticed a
lovely girl waiting for the rattler. 1
was so Intent on watching the girl that
1 did not notice the approaching train,
and tho girl was so Intent on watching
the approaching train that she did not
notice a porter with a truck coming up
behind her, so when the man shouted
'Ry your leave,' close to her ear, che
was naturally so startled that rhe
Jumped on one side without looking
where she was going. Unfortunately
she was standing on the edge of the
platform, so when she Jumped she went
head flrr-t over. Hemember, boys, she
was wearing open-work black stockings
and other white garments appertaining
to the old In contradistinction to the
new woman I naturally fell In love
with her at first sight. Well-ha! ha!
I of course went after her didn't seo
the train or probably shouldn't have
been such a fool"
His listeners grunted Incredulously.
They knew their man.
"Seized the girl by something I re
member arranging her costume a bit as
the engine swept by and Jerked her out
off the lines about half a second before
the beastly train passed over the place
where she was lying. Well, my mother
took a fancy to her, and took her up
generally, and as she was a governess
out of work she was naturally glad
enough to go and day at Ovelmere for
a month or two, while the matter rec
ommended her to all her friends, little
thinking that her son wished to present
her with a dAughter-ln-law in the shape
of that governess. I never got so far
a the propneal, as I wasn't quite surs
that It was altogether fair, for of
course, I knew that she might think
herself Indebted to me because of the
Kings-cross Incident, and also because
1 was well off and she was penniless.
Of course at that age I was the kind ot
Idiot who Isn't satisfied unless he Is
loved for himself alone, and L wasn't
certain that I was. However, I pretty
toon was certain, for one day I took her
a drive In a high dog-cart, and Just
when we had got to a precipice over
hanging the lake the wretched horse
shied, and we were thrown clean out of
the conveyance Into a bush below, end
when we came to our senses we found
ourselves hanging to the same wretched
bough with the miserable lake beneath
us and neither of us able to swim a lit
tle bit.
"It was a sweet predicament.
"Well, I was Just going to say some
thing valedictory to the lady and let
go (for I knew the sickening branch
wouldn't long support the pair of us),
when it gave an ominous crack and
the dear girl leaning towards me but
she was partially supported by a stone
ledge said. 'Don't you hear It? Let
go or It will break and I shall bb
drowned."
"I was so taken aback by my divinity
being so selfish that I quite forgot my
self and murmured, 'I cannot swim.' At
which she gave a stab with a pair of
scissors she had taken out of her chate
laine here Is the mark still on the back
of my hand and screamed. 'Then
drown.'
"I naturally let go, struck the water
and very shortly afterwards the bottom
of the lake violently. I don't know
how It was that I never thought of the
lake being shallow at that place, but
one doesn't do much thinking at such
a time. I waded ashore and rescued
the lady but my love was killed most
effectually. Then I went to Africa and
abjured the weaker Bex."
The wise of to-day are the fools of
yesterday.
A restless man who had been rolling
the balls on the deserted billiard iRble
in the darker part of the room, came
forward and subsided Into a perfect
dream of a chair and without any pre
face started talking.
"I have been back In England about
six years," he began, "and during that
time have been a most devoted bache
lor, as you fellows know, but there was
a time when I, like you others, was the
devoted slave of a woman, but, unlike
your divinities, mine did not turn out
to be very common clay after all In
deed, I am as fully resolved to-day not
to marry any woman but her as I was.
on the day I became betrothed to her.
"Six years ago I was a prosperous
merchant in South America, which was
a peculiar position for the younger son
of a noble English house. I had been
out some four or five years, having
found that England was not a suitable
climate for the younger son of a peer
a man cut off from the ordinary occu
pations of a penniless young man by
the position of his father and without
the wherewithal to live decently at his
lelnure.
"My name and savolr falre were un
doubtedly of great advantage to me In
the South American republic that I
fleeted to reside In, and my diligence
for I was most anxious to get back
to the old country was rewarded, bo
that at the end of four years I found
myself a Junior partner In one of the
richest firms In the Western Hemis
phere. "Now, the senior partner had an only
daughter, a lovely girl of about eigh
teen, and I soon found that without
that girl life was not worth living, so I
took steps to secure her for my wife.
There- was nothing romantic about our
eriKu cement. I obtained her father's
consent before asking her to marry mo
in the strictly orthodox way, anu hav
ing done so obtained the daughter'8.
"We were devoted to each other, and
I was the moBt envied man In the Re
public, for the fashionable young men
! of the capital had been most persistent
In their endeavors to gain the prize
' which my good fortune had secured tu
; me.
I "Of all her suitors the most porsever
in; was the youngest son of the Presi
dent, a naval officer, who had rccontly
been promoted to the command of a
' torpedo boat; I will give him credit so
far that I believe he really was d.
votedly In love with the girl, unllkr
many others, who were in love with he'
fortune,
"Well, about a fortnight before w
were to be married, a fearful blot
nearly sent me out of my mind my fu
ture wife died suddenly.
"Now, I had Just given her a wedding
gift of a set of valuable Jewelry, nnd
nothing would satisfy me but that they
should be burled with her. This was
done and a few days later, when some
one her father, I think went to the
vault it was discovered that he coffin
had been tampered with, and" examina
tion elicited the fact that the body and
Jewelry had been removed. You can
lmnglno how this sacrilege affected mej
hrr father anl myself offered emu mitis
rewards for Information, but no clue
was discovered except that some ens
had seen a party of sailors carrying
something from the direction of the
cemetery to the sea, which turned our
suspicions towards the President's son,
but as the Hitter's ship was discovered
a total wreck, and as none of her crew
save one was ever heard of again, the
information did not aid us In our quest,
"The man who came back was a luna
tic, and as such was confined In an
asylum by the President's orders, but
there was something in his narrative
that gave me some hope. His utory
was to the effect that he, two other
sailors and their officer the President's
son stole the body of my partner's
daughter and carried her on board their
vessel.
"That they had not been out to sea
long when the lady came out of the
trance or deep sleep Into which she had
been thrown by some powerful drug
secretly administered. Then he told a
long ptory which sounds very Improb
able, but which may still be true. It
was that having got on board as much
coal as they could carry, the chief offi
cer made a proposal, which as it would
make the men all foreigners used to
bribes Independent for life, was
promptly accepted by them.
"All on board with the exception of
the girl, swore allegiance and eternal
silence to their chief, and then the boat
went cruising In the track of the mall
steamers.
"It hardly seems possible, but the
man asserted that a certain vessel com
ing In sight, the chief signalled to her
(on some pretext) to stop, and hat he
went on board with one man, 'eaving
the rest of his crew on the torpedo
boat with full steam up. That he
threatened the captain of the mall
steamer with Instant extermination by
his engines of war If the latter did not
hand Over the contents of his strong
room, and he told him that he had left
word that If he did not return within
a certain time a torpedo was to be dis
charged at the Ill-fated vessel. As I
said before the President had the man
confined as a lunatic, but, all the same,
that steamer, when It was discovered
wrecked on the Spanish coast, had i.ot
a single diamond In the strong room,
and when she ret out she had a record
cargo, but that part of the story has
never been verified.
"Some months ago, when traveling
In Dalmatia, I met a huge funeral equi
page. It was the son of the late Presi
dent of that South American republlo
that was being burled, and the chief
mourner save the mark! was the poor
woman he had kept prisoner in that
out-of-the-way corner of Europe, his
wife the girl I was to have married.
"Part of the sailor's story is true, but
about the piracy she cannot say, as she
was drugged at the time. Her husband
left her enormously wealthy, and no
one knows how he accumulated the
money. And now I have only one mote
thing to say, that ' I must tender my
resignation to this club, as I am about
to be married."
"The wise of to-day are the fools ot
to-morrow," murmured some one under
his breath.
A servant brought In a telegram. The
restless man tore it open, read and let
the tissue paper flutter to the Kround.
"I withdraw my resignation," he sold,
No one asked the reason why, but
some one poked the fire. Illustrated
Lilts.
helling a Mine.
"It Is the easiest thing on earth to
sell a mine In London for almost any
price, provided you have anything to
show an expert," said MaJ. Frank Mc
Laughlin. "There Is also a right way
and a wrong way to go about It. Some
time ago I went to London to negotiate
the sale of some mining property. Of
course, the first thing I had to do was
to let capital know what I was there for.
Then, when inquiries cammenced, I
simply said: "Gentlemen, I have mining
property to sell. If you mean bulsness
and want to buy send your expert out
to examine the property and make a re
port on It.
"A company was organized. The ex
pert examined the property and report
ed favorably, and a meeting was held
to discuss terms.
" 'Now, major, said the spokesman,
'we have found that the property may
be worth something. What la your
rrlce?"
" 'Two hundred and fifty thousand,'
sail I.
" 'That Is more than we expected to
pay. We expected to pay about 200,000.
There la not much difference between
200,000 and 250,000. If you will drop the
60,000 we will take it.
"I expected to get about $100,000 for
the property, so with a show of reluct
ancy I agreed to accept their offer.
When the papers were made out I was
surprised to learn that they had been
talking about pounds and I about dol
lars, but I was very careful not to let
my surprise leak, and that Is the way I
got $1,000,000 for the mine. Great people
to do business with." San Francisco
Post.
Abttent-MlmlediioHN.
The best Instance I know Is that of an
amiable Irish Judge, now no longer on
the bench. Among other amusing tnles
told of him, It Is said that on the occa
sion of a "bar dinner" he went up stairs
to dress, but did not reappear. The
company sat patiently for some time,
till at length, Just as their hunger was
getting the better of their manners, nnd
an emissary was being dispatched to
hunt up the missing Judge, his lord
ship appeared, and explained, with
many apologies, that, Imagining he was
retiring for the night, he had undressed
and got into bed. After an hour's
snooze It suddenly struck him that ha
had not yet dined, on which he hurried
down to his guests. London Spectator.
Of Interest to farmers,
A special from State College to the
rhiladeldhia Timet says i The ques
tion of spontaneous combustion has
long been a mooted one so far as its
rclatiori to hay or fodder in a stack or
mow is concerned. Geoigc C. Wat
son, professor of agriculture at the
college, in a bulletin soon to be issued
from the experiment station, presents
an irrefutable argument in substantia
tion of the theory in a recent happen
ing at one of the college barns.
Sparks of fire were seen dropping
from the ceiling of the cow stable,
underneath the east wing of the col
lege barn. Investigation soon proved
that the fire was confined to a mow of
hay. To prevent the mass of hay
bursting into flames, every hole was
stapped up which might by any possi
bility admit any draft and the hay was
covered with wet blankets, on which
water was constantly thrown. Then,
to save the barn, a hole was knocked
in the side and the entire mow of hay
was thrown out, some thirty tons in
all.
An examination of the pile of hay
showed that the entire mass was so
thoroughly charred that it would
crumble when handled and the whole
of it was rendered unfit for stock food.
While positive proof of the origin of
the fire may be lacking, the circum
stances are such that it seems safe to
consider it of spontaneous origin.
There was no fire near the barn, nor
was there any way by which an incen
diary could get in his work. For sev
eral days previous to the fire a pecul
iar odor was noticeable in the vicinity
ot the barn, which was compared by
many to that emitted by burning
grain. The bulletin prescribes as the
best way to act under such circum
stances, to save the building, is lo
keep the hay as wet as possible and
remove the same from the building in
the quickest possible time, taking the
utmost precaution to at all times ex
clude all draft or air currents.
Cures, absolute, permanent cures
have given Hood's Sarsaparilla the
largest sales in the world and the first
place among medicines.
Luxury in a Prison Cell,
William A. Sponsler, of New Bloom
field, late president of the wrecked
Perry county bank of Sponsler &
Junkin, for a number of years the
leading member of the local bar, and
the local Republican competitor of
Judge Lyons in the recent judicial
contest, has spent his first week in
prison. His relatives have fixed up
his cell comfortably. He has his
books and a writing table, and, in
anticipation of a long imprisonment,
it is the intention to have his cell
papered.
When the Perry County Bank
closed its doors it owed depositors
$120,000. All his property has been
sold and less than $10,000 was
realized.
If strength is what you want, you
should study what causes your weak
ness. It is practically lack of food.
But you eat three meals a da)', and
all you can eat at a time.
Yes, but do you digest it ?
Food undigested, is not food. It is
not nourishment.
It doesn't create strength.
To digest your food take Shaker
Digestive Cordial at meals. After a
while you will digest your food with
out it. Then you will get well, and
strong and healthy.
Shaker Digestive Cordial cures in-
I digestion and all its symptoms, such
as nausea, neaciacne, eructations,
pain in the stomach, giddiness, loss of
appetite, etc. It makes your food
nourish you, and make you strong
and fat and hearty.
Druggists sell it. Trial bottle 10
cents.
Postmaster General Wilson, at the
time of the last bond call, sent circular
letters to the postoffices of the first
and second classes, asking the post
masters to state, where it was practi
cable, how much gold on an average
appeared in the postal receipts for a
month. The reports of a few of the
Pennsylvania postofiices are as fol
lows: Philadelphia, $5,500 in gold a
month j Pittsburg, $2,250 ; Allegheny,
$650; Altoona, $150; Bradford,
$100 ; Warren, $40; Oil City, $125;
Corry, $5; Erie, $270; Franklin,
$300.
A Mighty Hunter.
George Smith, who resides in the
wilds of Elk county, has, during the
past sixty years, killed in the wilder
ness of that and Jefferson counties
14 panthers, 5C0 bears, 30 elk, 3,000
deer, 500 catamounts, '500 wolves
and 600 wild cats. He has killed
seven deer in a day and as many as
five bears in a day.
An exchange remarks that you can't
keep women away from weddings.
You don't want to. AVhat would a
wedding amount to if there was no
women there ?
READ THE COLUMBIAN.
'Big as A
v mm rn mm ff. jjs w a m.
9
flu
For 5 cents you get almost as
much "Battle Ax" as you do of
other high grade goods for J 0 cents.
Before the days of "Battle Ax"
consumers paid JO cents for same
quality. Now, "Battle Ax"
Highest Grade. 5 cents. That's
true economy.
Mutual Reserve Pond Life Association.
Edward E. Harper, Founder. Frederick A. Eurrlain, Precidor.t.
FIFTEEN YEARS COMPLETED
ANNUAL MEETING AND REPORT.
Tiis lupt and Strongest teal him Lib line ::-
ivh ia 11. World.
6q,uoo,ooo of Hew RuineHN in 1893.
,oM,66o,ooo of HiiRineil In Hon.
4, 084,073 ot Itratli Claim pnUI In 1803.
23,000,000 oi Iteain Claims paid since ItuntiteHS begun.
189S SHOWS AN INCRRAflK IN RROS AttSKTH,
AN INCMRANK IN NKT lil'HPLl'B,
AN I M'KKAUK IN INCOME,
AN I NCIlI'.AJil-; IN Ilt'HINIvMH IN I"(1RCI',
OVIIK iuj.Uoo 91 f.MHKKH INTKUlvsl KU.
The Annual Meeting of the Mutual Reserve Fund Life
Association was held in the Association's Building, corner
Broadway &. Duane St., New York Cit y, on Wednesday, Jan
uary 22nd, and was attended by a large and representative
gathering of policy holders who listened with keen interest to
the masterly Annual Report ot President Burnhani.
Many policy holders evidently regarded this as a favorable
opportunity to meet face to face the new chief executive oflicer
of the Association, President Frederick A. Burnhani, the man
whose grasp of life insurance, whose. keen executive ability and
strong individuality have enabled him to take up the work laid
dewn in death by the founder of tin institution, the late .Ed
ward B. Harper, and make of the administration of his office o,f
President, not an echo or copy of that of his predecessor, but a
piece of finished work, characteristic of a man of independent
views, and worthy to follow the work which had carried the
Association to a position never attained in the same length of
time by any life insurance organization in the world. It is
rare, indeed, that a great institution like this passes, without
check to its prosperity, through a change in the executive chief,
for it is rare indeed that a chief like the late Mr. Harper finds
so able a successor as President Burnhani.
The record of the year 18'Jo speaks for itself, and shows the
following gratifying results.
The GROSS ASSETS h ave increased during the year
from $5,530,115.99 to $5,001,707,82.
The NET SURPLUS over liabilities shows a NET GAIN
for the year of $:00,:52(.).-lo, and now amounts to $3,582,509.32.
The INCOME from all sources shows a gain for the vear
of $031,5 11.97, and amounts to $5,575,281.50.
DEATH CLAIMS to the amount of $1,081,074.92 were
paid during the year, an increase over the previous year of
$1,013,500.91.
The BUSINESS IN FORCE shows again for the year
of $15,293,205, and now amounts to $308,059,371.
Counting three hundred working days in the year the
daily average income for 1895 is $18,5S 1.27; the daily average
payments for death claims, $13,052.25, and the daily avo,,ago
: i : : c. e i -..'
Kuu m uusiuras iu juiuw wiuuu It HilCUOIl 01 JWl.UUU.
CtTTersons desiring insurance, an agency, or any other information concernii
TUAL RKSKKVE FUND LIKE ASSOCIATION may apply to
53 Downing Iflock,
BREAKFAST SUPPER,
PPSS
C3ATEFUL-COMFO?mNG.
o
Barn Door
4&J
concerning the
ERIE, PA.
For all Datout and Nervous ITS??
Disiaehs. Tbey purify the
Olood and give Hsaltiiv
actios to th entire system.
Cure DYSPEPSIA, HEADACHE, I
CONSTIPATION nnd PIMPLES.
WRGfflW
B0IMNQ WATER OR MILK.